₦airaland Forum

Fhemmmy: Be perfect, therefore, as your heavenly Father is perfect. . . . But this verse here is not saying that you are perfect like your heavenly father, just saying, we should aspire to be better

I agree sir.. since the good master also said no one is good except one.. but i get her POV at least...

bukatyne: Read Matthew 5:48

you for quote am na

48 Be ye therefore perfect, even as your Father which is in heaven is perfect.

may god help us

bukatyne: Remember Jacob was a cheat? Reuben sleeping with his wife, his kids lying to him about Joseph are the prices he paid for his sins

Then no one is perfect then except Jesu
and Enoch.,..


The Bible me i dey read these guys were polygamous, drinkers, adulterers and rap.ists (of their half sister sef)

good stuff guys... threads on NL can be devoid of rancour...

would just to add the child going rotten is also punushment...
jacobs who was a good father (waiting for bellong ) had a son who slept with his concubine

Samuel died unhappy

ok/// the good thing is we all have our ways of seeing things
Fair points though

bukatyne: Because they did not do their job.

God said He will bless the work of our hands, faith without work is dead etc.

Imagine a farmer that refuses to plant corn in the soil crying and praying that 'God let my corn grow etc.'

That Farmer is the parents;
The soil is the child/his mind;
The corn is the teachings and training;
The God is God.

God did not give children to parents as a status symbol; He gave children to parents for training and helping them achieve what God created them to achieve. Just how God cannot rain Naira notes from the sky, He cannot teach babies Himself though He takes over in extreme cases.

bukatyne: There is nobody that is perfect. Chasing perfection is a type of bondage.

There is a joy that comes from knowing you have done all you could do. Parents who train their kids well are justified even if they do not turn out well.

So why does it seem u blame the parents who did not raise their kids to stay off dating or dont treat their wives well...

bukatyne: @bolded: Aka women

haba... so for all the post na that one u see...
the greatest king in all of israel na him u reduce to womaniser....?!

bellong: I beg to disagree with you about David.

David was a good man, friend and leader but he was a very BAD father.

That is why most of his children turned out the way they are. A man can be good to the society and be a bad father. Being a bad father does not necessarily mean being cruel to children. He had no time for those children he gave birth to in his early years because he was too busy with the affairs of the state.

hmmm... not the point of my post to raise a philosophical debate on the merits of David as a father
Ok... for david substitute with Noah (who cursed one of his sons) or better still Isaac (who raised a philander on one hand and a swindler on the other)

The point was raised that parents are to blame for children's action and that is the point not David ...

Hmmm...And if upon all your effort.. what next

It's not by power or might

The adebolajos will never in their wildest dream imagine their child will be a hacker of heads

Or mutallab wear a bomb in their undies

These thing is not a calculative science ooo
Parents are but stewards..
They water only
Na Baba dey give increase

bukatyne: It's not can try, it's MUST try.

We will not say because a lot of graduates are jobless hence we would not go to school

Congrats adonai.. No forget d reason why you go ooo

As much as I agree with some things uve said it's not always like that

Was David a good father yes..

But his son overthrew him as king, another a ra.pist and one eyed his fathers's concubine

Samuel in his old age had so much pain due to his sons

A parent can try but God knows best

The same womb raised abel and abel's killer

bukatyne: My dear,

The parents are accountable for what their kids do... that's why they are parents.

The Bible says... 'Train up a child in the way he/she should go and he/she is old, he/she will not depart from it.' God punished Eli for the sins of his children because he refused to train them even at their old age. However, if parents train their kids well they are exonerated if when they don't turn out well. An example is Samuel

For you to refuse following a sugar daddy means you have been trained to believe it is wrong. Have you not seen people who don't know that doing some wrong thing is wrong?

Most kids become who their parents trained them to be. Look at little children closely... have you seen anyone who lacks self-esteem? Whether the baby is wrapped in golden shawl or rags, they will both smile.

nikkykay: Why r u blaming parents?
If my mother tells me to be following sugar daddy in order to bring money home, must i do dat when i knw its not right?
I wont blame parents but the kids my sister.

Ultimately we are accountable for our actions and their consequences

Ayee Idris: 1. SexXual Attraction fades. Its the emotional attraction that one should fear
2. Women are strong o. Our mothers put up with a lot of BS and are still around, so Yes.
3. He can, if he really wants to save his marriage. besides the other lady is getting married and not just sitting there forming the other woman. There is hope.
4. Is that really the Western model. Because what I have seen from their marriage counselors is that they try to heal the hurt caused by cheating. They advice the couple to fix their marriage all the time. Unfortunately, most marriage there, like ours is slowly becoming, is very fickle and without substance and break with the slightest crack. No one wants to work on their marriage anymore

Thanks for your responses...
Appreciate the frankness

I like your word "There is hope"

That maybe why it seems our mothers tolerated what we nowadays termed crap in their marriages and may be why the default advice is P & E

is there anyway we can force the issue yet stedfastly holding on to hope

Please what is P and E////

I always think of Physical Education.. sorry o

you try,,, for a self acclaimed novice.. you have been superb!

However I will put a small curve ball and I'd like you to answer these questions

1.If the man is sezzually attracted to his mistress and is being loyal to his wife because of the kids.. what next?
2. can a woman really let go of the hurt
3. Can the man really keep out as this is deep and not just the normal poke and run...
4. Is your advice not contrary to the westen model which does not tolerate a cheating male

Ayee Idris: I remember reading the story. Now if I was a marriage counsellor which I am not, I would deal with the couple seperately. I would first hold sessions with the man. Try and find out what is attracting him to the other woman. Is it the sex? Is it that she is very easy to confide in? Does she have certain attributes that his wife lacks? There must be some hold that binds them together and when the hold is discovered, then breaking it would be doable. Does he genuinely want to stay with his wife or is he holding on for the kids? That answer would determine what step to take, cos love can be rekindled, if the counselor understands the couple and puts them through the right series of test. As for the wife, the trust has been broken. Is the love still the same? Is it possible that she is hard to share things with? Does she make him constantly feel guilty for his past deed. Is she staying cos she wants to make it work or because she has to. Did she miss the signs? Was it an affair turned to love? Women tend to focus more on kids then the hubby. Maybe she neglected him emotionally. After getting to the very root, i will then have joint couple sessions, where I would have the couple genuinely speak their minds without repercussion. For a marriage to heal, both parties must make d effort. The husband needs to break off all contact for real and start romancing the wife like when they were dating. The lady needs to forget or act like she has forgotten the affair and act like a young couple in love. This is not fool proof and I don't even know d first course for marriage counselling classes. Na just sense I dey use answer.

..

so this thread just died like that

bukatyne: ok, thanks.

How did you get the link? I just copied and pasted

go to the thread and copy from the address bar
Here the title is https://www.nairaland.com/1318779/husband-love-another-woman

bukatyne: I do, thanks.

How did you do that?

You put the link in the url hypertext
See below

I think you mean [urd=https://www.nairaland.com/1318779/husband-love-another-woman]My Hubby Is In Love With Another woman[/url]

i replaced 'l' with 'd'.

interesting i enjoy ajan's threads and dialogue
We may not always agree with his conclusion but the fact is that the youths of nowadays just see studying abroad as an escape route to nowhere without properly chart a road map
All na just i wan comot and they expect you to fund their jamboree,...

bukatyne: At Op,

Let's use the below as a case study,

[url] My Husband Is In Love With Another Woman.[/url]

what advice would a counselor give?

I think you mean My Hubby Is In Love With Another woman

@AyeeIdris.. what do you think

naijababe: I know you looking for jide's attention

mama jhyde is a nice person and will defo not be ruffled by that post

@ ajan true the structure is usually better pre marriage but i was of the opinion the OP was talking of in-marriage counselling

Most churches do these pre marriage one but when couples have issues, who do they talk to

when a couple is struggling thtough infidelity, finances, children etc... who do they talk to

Pre marraige counselling can only give you a shadow based on pretentious behaviours

The real person comes out after I DO

jidegirl12: As we wa sain , Mrs Greatgod do you by any chance have a son in law in stock for me? Lets start from the top , only one from you will be perfect... @cc league don pass my own, Debrief is too strict and my daughter na love me jeje love me tender.......

Emm emm * raises hand* @sisi I like your sense of humor too... Son in stock?

I prefer Delicate than gulib but it's okay words no dey stick.

nice one,... please dont forget to open a thread when they start dating...

firestar: The hell are you guys dissecting?
Wait for Kishi na.
All this thesis stuff....





Na wa.

me sef i tire,...,. una know pass the Master?

happy bday @WackyJ1