₦airaland Forum

So after more than 8years of marriage, he still bring in friends into his marital issue. Let your wife be the best version of herself, no one forced him to retire. 6 and 8years are not babies as such, so I don't know what you are saying about being a house husband, abi the kids no dey go school?

Lol, keepingmum your post stopped me on my tracks. I no get to strength to advise if the story is fake jare.

Talk once more and kick him out if he is still deaf.

HaneefahRN:
Was she married then trying to re-marry? Besides I don't understand why a 50years old would be leaving with a relative. You made it seem like she is kinda dependent and probably has parents trying to push her to get married. I don't know they also count marriage so much to the extent of going for any man available.

Women get married after failed marriages though, although some would rather not probably cos of their children, my grandma married twice, lost her first husband early and re-married but she couldn't cope with the 2nd's behaviour and decided to train her children herself. He is back now though.
I know a woman who lost her husband couple of years back and is now married to her childhood sweetheart who had also coincidentally lost his wife, their kids are grown ups.

I think women after losing a husband probably through divorce or death tend not to care so much for marriage especially when they are in middle age with children. It is men that quickly seek marriage or another form of relationship soon after and not even all men.

She is dependent, lives in the family house. The posts here are relevant to never married women only. She was almost married when she was younger but the marriage rites didn't pull through. So she was never married. Truly, when age starts piling up, every man seem to be the Mr right for those that intend to marry, it takes a lot to wait at that point for the one who is truly right . The fear of "will another propose"? seems to cloud the judgement of most ladies


That's what produce threads such as " My fiance is aggressive but leaving is out of the question. Solution please ".

It has nothing to do with these days. When we were toddlers, I and siblings, we lived upstairs on the last floor. There is this neighbour in the next building that does same thing every damn day once we play on that balcony. We all see him but never reported because we certainly don't know how to explain it to an adult. He knows we always watch, I couldn't make much sense out of what I saw at the time because I was only four, my siblings and cousin were younger . They watched too but we never spoke about, probably because it makes no sense to them as it didn't to me.


Perverts have been around for a long time, it's more in our face with the aid of social media. Kids need to be taught what they need to know, we got to do what we got to do to protect them no matter how uncomfortable.


I agree with acidosis too on method of teaching, you don't go over exposing them because you are trying to teach them . You will end up creating more questions than answers, peaking their curiosity than dousing it.

So sorry for your loss.

HaneefahRN:
I agree with this. Marriage guarantees nothing. Lots of people are living miserable lives being married, but do not want to get out cos of what the Society would say, and fears of unknown. Being married doesn't mean being happy, nor save from loneliness. If a person makes a wrong choice of spouse, it's like hell on Earth.

If people come to terms with this fact and realise that you don't have to stick out any bullshi*t, life will be easier for everyone. I have realised that there really is no correlation between age of marriage and quality of marriage too. Same challenges a young bride faced is what an older bride will face. I have no problem with someone that chose not to marry at all but for those that want, it's better to choose when you still have a larger pool to pick from. That way you settle for the desirable and not the available.

U

bukatyne:
@Women having mates past 30...

From my little observation, getting a man to marry is not the issue as much as indecisiveness and deciding to hold on to several 'unpotential' men due to reasons best known to them.

I marvel when a lady tells me she is 'single and searching' yet has several male 'friends' she keeps around her

How would the potential husband be able to decipher she is still available?

I again marvel when some give very funny characteristics such as he must have so in his account; must look like this etc. Etc.

I know someone who when in her late 40s got a divorcee to marry her and she wanted a big white wedding in addition to the heavy traditional wedding. The man obviously didn't want a big white but was willing to have vestry wedding. Years later, she got a widower to marry her and she said she couldn't deal with step kids. Several examples abound.

Some might say what about men but a older man who is not so rich will rush to his village to marry Nkechi or Titi; he wouldn't waste time courting/trying to court Tiwa Savage who he can't attain and Behind his Nkechi to Tiwa.

I told someone I married my boyfriend from university and she said I must be boring... Well, I agree.

I have seen older women marry but they all decided at that point they needed a break and wanted to get married and positioned themselves for marriage.

@Women feeling sex.y past 30..

I think women are more in-tuned with their sexuality as they grow older. I see women in their mid/late 30s in my office and I say have managed to look very good despite their kids and have the money, time and knowledge to look fresh than ladies in their 20s.

@ Marriage being the ultimate...
It is just a means to an end. It is important to have someone who is compelled to have your back, put you first and create mini yous with while you launch out into the world. The mini yous replace you when you exit.

I don't understand it as the hands wriggling institution where everything stands still or end the day you say 'I do'

It is even important to have your own pursuits and friends to enjoy your marriage. No man/woman can give you everything and there are some voids only God/vocation can feel.

It is also expected that people have their eyes open when entering so they don't jump out and they have spouses also committed to making/sustaining their happiness.

Cc:

Byvan, Mindfulness, crackhaus, HannefahRN.
[size=2pt]
Lilmax is becoming a prophet o![/size]

I totally agree, older women get married but there is a difference between marrying the man you want and the man that is available at the time. I know a lady about to get married, she is over 50 but the quality of the man is troubling from all ramifications . If she was younger, no family member will accept that man but now they just want her to get the hell away from house. The bad news is that the man is even stalling the whole progress, while she waits hopefully.


I totally agree with the rest of the post.

bukatyne:
.

A 26yr old is still young though ripe for marriage.

I think the problem is what people term 'chopping life'.

Young but not a baby at all. Chopping like is truly part of the problem.

Mindfulness:
Kontinu!

Mindfulness:
I have evidence.

I will be glad to provide a compilation of female celebrities who married in their late 30s or even 40s. Some of them married, divorced and re-married.

Open your eyes.

My eyes are quite open to reality, I don't view through rose tinted glasses and celebrities are no yardstick for measurement. Like you said, it's my opinion and remains so. I won't try to change yours either , except you truly don't believe the things you are writing here, otherwise let's believe what we believe .

You go for what you can afford, if she won't accept, give it to someone that will.

This issue resurrects anger, burial is punishment to the living in this part of the world. I no fit talk Wetin eyes see finish for burial matter.

Mindfulness:
You are entitled to your opinion but it's just an opinion.

I know plenty of women - famous and not famous - who married 'late'. There are also women who married - divorced - married - divorced - married.

Do you want a compilation of these celebrities?

Yeah,its just an opinion, just like yours. At the end of the day we live whatever way that suit us .

Mindfulness:
How many men are rich?

Even without the money, marriage can wait for them. With a bit of comfort in his pocket, the sky is his beginning.

bukatyne:
Truth is 'feminism/radical feminism/modern feminism' is not responsible for a typical Nigerian woman delaying marriage till she gets a 'good job' or builds a 'career';

It is a result of face your books and leave boys till later advice parents hand down continually to their kids.

Infact, one criteria for marriage in my church is that you must be earning; whether they follow it to the letter is something else.

It is uncommon for a typical Nigerian woman to delay marriage because of career; it is also uncommon for her to delay childbirth because of her job.

She rather have her kids juggling work and get a maid/nanny/daycare at the same time.

I agree with Efe that the article is more suited to the white lady.

And the author is a self-styled feminist.

CC: crackhaus.

I realised it isn't about the books , hardly you see a young lady that's really that into her books these days. It's more of the rock your youth mentally that is actually delaying most. A 26years old lady still feels like a child these days.

crackhaus:
I've always known this to be the reason we usually have long debates over the issue on this section.
Some ladies here just don't like the fact that it's true, and will argue just to soothe hurt feelings.

Glad you admitted to how discomforting it sounds.

Actually everyone knows the reality, sometimes is no longer important to rub it in .

Really one is not saying that marriage is a pensionable job or investment or whatever but if you wish to get married, citing career as an excuse not to is ridiculous. As if the virile young ones will wait for you to age and come get them. Your pool of choice diminishes to a reasonable extent the older you get. Guys can always find a way around it, a rich man is ageless.


Tell me that you are yet to meet the right one and you are talking, tell it's about your career and I will be like .

bukatyne:
I could bet I responded to this....

The gospel according to byvan03 and bukatyne. We definitely need to write our Bible.

it's going to be titled " GOAN MARRY!!"

Crackhaus the last part you quoted gives instant headache but the truism is what provokes the discomfort .

amclimax:
may you never lack wisdom in your life.... God bless you.
to me the op is worst than the devil .... cuz of likes and front page he just they post people private life online....
now I believe if your friends doesnt know anything about you your enemies cant know too

Thank you .

This is embarrassing .

wapu:
You are right.
I've told the parents I'm not intrested in the wedding anymore.
He feels I planned the pregnancy.
I don't want him to feel like I forced him to get married to me.
He already feels that way though I can't change that but I can stop the wedding and I have.
I believe he's head is elsewhere too never given it much thought until now.
He was trying so hard to hide our trad wedding on social media.
My siblings and his put the pics and tagged us.
He even had to tell his colleagues it was photoshop.

What I don't understand is why I should want to trap a guy that just last dec I broke up with and he came to my village bearing gifts to give to my parents.
He bought two engagement rings because I returned the first one that I wasn't intrested anymore.

Now it seems to him like I'm trapping him?
Someone we had already done introduction and preparing for trad before I found out I was pregnant.
Why should I bother trapping him.

Some people are confused like that, just focus on your child and from now just think of the best for you.

bukatyne:
True we can do it all but not at the same tempo.

@Marrying early: True and I know this has always been your gospel

Lol @ pastor confirming.... it happens at all age ranges.

Not really my gospel, I only answer when asked and I really don't care what age people get married . It's exactly at any tempo you wish to maintain , I see no differences . Just more work and that's it . You really think that a young woman will stand and wait for your pastor 's approval? Me go leave you dey go my way.

I guess it's your gospel too because I don't see you telling ladies to build skyscrapers first before getting married.

Wapu concentrate on your unborn for now. Obviously he developed cold feet along the way and felt you took in to trap him. Hold off on the wedding for now, you don't drag a man kicking and trashing to the alter. Why the one week notice? You don't need to be told his head is somewhere else. I believe that deep down we always know the solutions to our problems but most times our cowardice won't let us face the reality on ground.

No point trying too hard, just have your child first Ok.

Most times, a man's siblings/family come with much sense of entitlement . The " my brother 's house " factor, they forget that boundaries are very important so they don't encroach on their marital life. The woman's family naturally will have lots of respect for their brother in law and maintain their boundaries so he let's them stay.


I prefer a strictly nuclear setting, people should stay in their own homes. Too much familiarity breeds contempt, they should let the couple be. Relations from both ends shouldn't come as permanent live ins except aging parents from both ends that wish to.

Ioannes:
True that.

But then again, do you know how annoying it can be to have your wife always pressing on the damn phone so much so that she has relegated her home duties to her maid or younger sister.

You talking to her and she pressing the damn thing.

I can imagine.

EfemenaXY:
Seriously?

In this day and age?

Actually it's prevalent in this day and age. The pastor ish seems to be part of the end time situation.

I believe in juggling all the balls that count, I don't know about one waiting for the other. Bukatyne actually we can have it all, once your head is in it, you can if the opportunities present itself. I won't give up one for the other, doing all at once is not new if you have got the physical and mental stamina to. Always better to settle when the odds are still high, not when a man will need a pastor to confirm you as a wife material before he marries you .

Ioannes:
So true.

It's advisable that couples delete all their social media presence, Facebook, Twitter, maybe even whatsapp.

It's easy to cheat emotionally on these platforms and can eventually lead to physically cheating on your spouse.

They don't have to delete, your spouse having full access to all the platforms is enough to put anyone in check. Privacy in marriage is always the genesis of all hideous skeletons.

I have no problem with birthing my replica.

So cool , very sweet to see a kid playing kid these days .