₦airaland Forum

cococandy:
I've seen 'adults' with 'brains' ask if a 12 year old rape victim was a virgin at the time. I've seen some say kids of nowadays are very knowledgeable about sexual activities, I've seen some say the child seduced the abuser. One was arguing with me the other day about how a 13 year old tried to force herself on him to the point where she dry humped him until she orgasmed and he couldn't fight her off. Yea she was stronger than him

I tried to make him see the child was not culpable but he kept on and on, I just left him to continue arguing with his ancestors.

So he sat and enjoyed the dry humping? The mentality here makes one want to throw up. To think that majority of men/women born in this country reason this way... I just don't know the way forward. I have even heard matured married women talking rubbish about how a 9 yrs old girl seduced their almost 50yrs old brother. I was too young to barge into that conversation at the time but I knew that their comment was sickening. These are women that have daughters at home, yet they reason this way.

Go back to mama please.

Amelian:
Exactly..! Or else he will relax and take full advantage of it.. Saying in his mind, Shebi she sabi hustle.. Abeg, lemme chill and watch how far she goes with her industrious acts..
Always allow be the man and before marriage couples should iron out financial responsibilities amongst themselves..
I was talking to my bf about his role and financial responsibilities in the home if we r to Get married.. He said I shudnt talk about finances as if we r about to go into contract marriage..
I say guy, I need to know what am going in for? We need to spell out our responsibiliies to each other.. I can't marry blindly.. I have a good buiz while he works for a company, so I earn abit more. But I still need us to understand on what and what financial responsibilities will be mine and his as well.. Cos he's always claiming broke.. When he said the subject is uncomfortable for him and he doesn't like to talk about finances in marriage.
I look this guy, I shake my head and to my self, na me u want put for gbese abi?
OK no problem... We will see who get sense pass..

I just wonder how some guys reason, u want to marry and u don't want to talk about financial responsibilities at this hard time?

OK OO.. Continue. Smmhh..

Anyways op, continue for the sake of Yur kids,but don't spend on frivolities . And pray Yur husband changes for the better.

It's a very difficult situation, there is always a problem with a man that has no issue feeding off a woman during dating when individual pride is still paramount. The moment you start taking all responsibilities, a lot will sit back and relax.

cococandy:
We have rape culture.

The fact that in most cases, even a child gets blamed for being raped by an adult is troubling.

DevGuru:
UPDATE

I sincerely appreciate the fact that almost everyone here regards this matter a very serious one, this alone warms my heart a little. I have read through every single comment on this thread and I appreciate everyone. I couldn't take down the names of those whose comments aligned with my aim of keeping my marriage, but I thank everyone all the same. I realised from a myriad of comments that informing my people will mean a beginning of the end for my marriage. My daughter too is a major consideration. Above all, she's carrying another 6 week pregnancy. I have therefore decided to eliminate (or maybe suspend as the case turns out) informing any of my family members. I decided to play the records to her while I added some words. I started by telling her that my love for her made me decide to talk to her and not to anyone who would possibly fuel separation in my home like her sisters have done. She was shocked because she had never heard any allegation from me towards her elder ones before. She thought I was crazy and I wanted to bring up what was not. Then I played a little while I summarised the wildest words from her sisters which I heard in other discussion. For the FIRST time, my wife couldn't deny ANYTHING as she was convinced beyond doubt that she had been finished. She cried bitterly as I talked further but did not know what to do. But what pained me further was that it was obvious she cried because she saw that I was going to turn to an emperor and ridicule and justifiably disgrace her elderly advisers, NOT really because I was betrayed.

Right there, I was looking for a particular one to play and then even heard what I didn't hear before. Her eldest sister said she had discussed with some other siblings to intensify efforts towards her job search that as soon as she gets a job, she would have to be sending money home for them to create something for her in their town so she could come settle. She cried further as she heard it too. I told her the implications of what she had done to me with her people and then left her in the room because my baby girl was disturbing me. Anytime our voices are not friendly, she interrupts and cries for attention. I took my daughter to the living room and was playing with her.

After about 1 hour, she came to the living room and fell down before me as she cried further, saying "I'm sorry". Then I asked her to state exactly what she was begging me for - her betrayal or her siblings' offence. She knows me very well, she quickly said her betrayal (even though I knew that wasn't the primary cause of her heavy heart). Then I told her I was willing to forgive her in the spirit of upholding my marital vows to her. I explained further that for the sake of our daughter and the unborn one(s), I was willing to forgive her and build a stronger home with her. She felt a little relief knowing that she was getting back into me. I then said "but from this minute, I'm in a ruthless war with anyone, I repeat, ANYONE who is determined to break my home as I now have to guard our togetherness jealously". I stated further that the only thing I would hold against her was if she ever stood in my way. Just as if a thunder just struck and killed someone dear to her, she cried loudly again saying "she had finished her life". She said she would be the one to suffer in the war I just declared and that I should just allow her to call all of them and tell them never to meddle into our affairs again. I refused to fall for that trick and held my stance that my resolve was not going to change and I walked away. Since then till this moment, she has been like a mourning widow. When it was time for food, we ate together as usual and I've been the one trying to talk now. She hasn't spoken with anyone on phone since then, although I don't know about Whatsapp or BBM chat. Now she's waiting for the next available opportunity when she could plead for her sisters again... only God knows for how long the waiting would be. Let me quickly mention that she sent me an SMS from the bedroom a while ago: I CAN SEE THE HANDWORK OF THE DEVIL IN THIS WHOLE MATTER, PLS LET'S TRY TO RESIST THE DEVIL THIS TIME SO HE CAN FLEE FROM OUR HOME. I BEG YOU IN THE NAME OF GOD DEAR".... I simply replied from the living room: "ON THE CONTRARY HONEY, I CAN SEE THE HAND OF GOD. CAN'T YOU SEE IT?"

On another note, I do not want to assume that she will not tell her sisters, although it might take a while because she knew they would rebuke her for delivering them into the hands of their 'enemy' through Call Recorder. But before she informs them, I think I'd follow someone's advice here too that I should reveal it to someone who could keep it away from my mum and sisters, which is surely my Dad - just to put someone in the know, in case I begin to smell rat poison in my food... lol. What do you think?

Cc: ezechueze, Mafking, AccidentalGenius, RadicallyBlunt, ojun50, GoldenJAT, olempe, LuveU2, goldbim, phabulous88, pharmagba, 2goodbobo, PezzoNovante, marvelous000, Tritri, IRserveMyComent, AlienStar, STENON, krak101, AccidentalGenius, danduchi, samsam2019, uchedydy, Ruemufaith, sashishalom, ednut1, bakynes, sumborr, general111, byvan03, obiak4, Eketem, obiak4, emekachimek, elektra, priceaction, segzy0i, MizzD, richyfunky, bellong, nnamdibig, Timbuktou, TheArchangel, tearoses, andromida, HaneefahRN, TV01, Amelian, WellEndowed, Jethrolite, baeboo, trishapal, drss, Donemmy, Ujoan, pcguru1, Tochex101, pastorpussy, crackhaus, ranktzy, cococandy, mysticgal, toksbisola, Okikiki, succourplanet, Darla, ummeey, kaboninc, BiggyB242, Ishilove

Make sure the recordings are intact and that her parents, sisters' husbands knows what she/sisters have done. It's good that you decided to confide in your dad. If your aim is to keep your marriage, no one should pressure you to trash it, your life, your choices. Good luck OP.

Melly245 you shouldn't be having enough contact to make it bleed. You should just coat it and not rub in. If you are applying pressure of any sort, then bleeding is normal as you are irritating the exposed surface. Just coat it, no pressure. You mentioned that it hapoens only when you try to rub vaseline on it, if it happens without pressure from your hands, please see a doctor. Otherwise, stop the rubbing and just sort of glaze with a good chunk of vaseline.

Zaynie!! You could have spiced it up by making this mistress speak for herself. Mamas for act spartacus blood and sand here . This your joke strong!

Whyterose:
@zainye hope I got ur moniker rit? ur left nyash dia... see as u caused me sleepless Nit. I Jst refused 2comment but kept praying for who Eva it was to reconcile wit her hubby soonest. Take time oh b4 I report u 2my baby in d oven.


In another news jst found out dat I'm team Feb. Pls wia are my teammates. Una De so?


Another thing is this my able mama's, I've been having serious vj itch 4abt 6days now after I n dear hubby kpekus last. Many tots come d full my head since den... lik Wat if he's cheating on me n all dat. Now d issue is this, how do I get treated cos I d shy to go hospital talk tis kind matter Oh. I hear Dh has 2b treated 2 dunno Hw tru sha. How do I go abt telling Dh dis without being misunderstood? Make una ansa me quick Oh.

Go to your doc, figure out what it is and just present his drugs to him" Doctor prescribed these for you too" ,make sure he is taking them. Itching can be caused by BV, Candida overgrowth and irritation from your detergent. Please don't start pointing fingers if you don't have any reason to. If you don't want see a doctor, why don't you try Klovinal? It's cotrimazole + metronidazole + Lactobacillus. You insert it 1 every night for 10 days. As for your dh,he can take flagyl 400 mg 3x daily for 7 days. These things are administered without diagnosis even in government hospitals.

Mtcheeewwww!! Ana ako maka ego Oyibo, onye a ana ako bullshi*t.

Covenantbabies can you take honey for your cough? Don't take drugs if it isn't prescribed. If the purge isn't getting better, try and see your doctor. Stay away from diary products till it stops. I hated drugs too,you can hide it in your Eba. For now stick to bland meals and also avoid oily foods.

TV01:
Given OP' report of his mothers love, I'm sure she will readily forgive and hope for restoration as much as anyone. The Daddies and Mummies tend to see long-term, and think as much of their grandkids. As for "marital goodwill", old couples probably get that more than most. In their time they will have been through and probably seen a lot.

I believe the danger here is mostly from his wife' immaturity and the malevolence of her sisters. Once those are managed and contained, hopefully it should be full steam ahead.



Forget them, they simply can't show face. Hopefully they are all getting, or have had the same stern warnings from their husbands - the ones that have of course

Family are fine thanks for asking - I'm busy sacrificing for them !


TV

Hopefully they will pull through this .

tearoses:
She is just going to have to suck it
She used her own two hands to "break" her own home
Her sisters have helped turn a young vibrant happy home into an unhappy one

Hopefully the poster will look at his wife's "previous banked good behaviour" that she married him despite knowing that there was a lower possibility of them having babies together & that she has been a good wife to date and this will pay towards some of her current "bad behaviour"

Also Hopefully up to this point, she has been a good DIL and SIL etc and this will be taken into consideration and she can blame this as a one off mistake and on the devil

The so called devil really worked her overtime, she will maintain puppet status for a long time if the marriage survives.

Timbuktou:
Egbon TV01, hailings o. Life called and I had to answer. I also missed your wise counsel and merciless ribbing of these liberated women on here.

This comment of yours,
"...one wonders if the GDT that patrol these parts will come and advise divorce due to her violence, afterall, once it starts, it escalates till death, no?..."
I can only shake my head at the response.

Don't mind Byvan, she seems to be lacking nutrients. But I'm glad others have been more temperate with her than I could. But I hear good cop-bad cop is an effective strategy.

How's the family?

Who are your "others", a thousand of your kind can't make a dent, so why even try ? . You are the one yawning all over the thread, so am sure you need the nutrient more than I do.

Eketem:
Please note that you are the only one here screaming divorce.

We are saying everyone should be told and informed especially those to him she has lied and misinformed about his character, you are saying no hide it, we say no hiding it is not the way to go as action have consequences, you then start screaming divorce

So you can hear my voice screaming divorce? With your ears or what? Am interested in the device you are using so I can also hear screams, sniffles, groans e.t.c when people are typing. Why can't you accept that everyone cannot see through your glasses?

tearoses:
The fact that he came here suggests that divorce is not his first point of call.
He wants it resolved
Personally, I don’t think it’s a matter for divorce but just a matter of resetting boundary’s.

I agree, if her parents know what transpired, things are going to change in the relationship that they have with her, but that is just the price she is going to have to pay for her actions.
She is not a baby and she should have thought of that at some point during all of this drama.

It is going to be hard and it may take her years to build back the trust, love and confidence that her husband’s family had in her, but that’s just the way it is. The mum needs to know that her son is not a deranged wife beater.

The woman has messed up big time, I wonder how people do these things. I feel really sorry for the man. The price she is paying won't come cheap at all.

TV01:
Tearoses, thank you for you input on the potential damage to OP. Yetseyi cc'ed.

Byvan03, this has to be aired to a certain degree in public. This man has been trashed to both parents, siblings and almost certainly further abroad. Work colleagues, friends, neighbours, church, the scatter effect could be endless.

The man is could actually be unsafe, and things could seriously escalate. Who knows what the end-goal was or potential complications? Airing it will affords him some degree of immediate immunity.

I once had a female friend who I shared my pre-marital woes with, she asked for permission to share my travails with her besties, for a good laugh . I once asked her to hook me up with one of said besties, the e-mail response was scathing. She didn't just let me know the girl wasn't interested, she forwarded me the e-mail . People who like to hurt, like to gossip, her sisters will be publishing this story with glee.

I apologise to Timbuktou on your behalf . Tim holá, how far, missed a brother up in here.


TV

True, very disturbing issue. His parents won't forgive this, I doubt any parent will. A lot will change after this, his parents might hate her passionately and that will spell doom for their marriage if they decide to make up. It might be less scathing to just end the marriage, I just fear for how his parents will react to the news. The more I read the story , the angrier I get, I got your point fully TV.

Timbuktou:
Yawn. Outright physical abuse woman, I hear you. Btw, what other form of physical abuse exists asides the outright sort? Please, oblige.

Yawns really? Just get some food and type again .

tearoses:
Byvan I mostly agree with you but on this one I don't
If she were living in the US or UK and instead of calling her sisters and parents had called the cops, That man may never get a job again (number one)
If and when she divorces him, it will be used against him when it comes to a custody battle
He may loose his house cos when she wins the custody battle, the house will come with it.....where else will the kids live? is what she will lament to the judge
He will have a criminal record and he can never hold a public service position so scrap school governor, MP or magistrate
Infact he is finished.
He is at risk by her actions
Many men have been "finished" due to false allegations of abuse.

His family have a right to know
If he was my blood brother, I would like to know
If he was my son I would like to know
I didn't bring my son up to be a wife beater, so you can imagine how disappointed the parents must feel knowing that their son allegedly beat up his wife only to find out that it wasn't true.
If God forbid my DIL comes to tell me that my son beat her up, I will be devastated.
They started it.....Let them deal with it.

She did a terrible thing, agreed, luckily it has not gotten to the extent you described. If the man wants to restore the marriage, he still can at his terms. Do you feel that outright divorce will be better? Even if you feel so, it's your opinion and I won't fault you for that.

Eketem:
A wife should handle physical violence herself and not report it. Heheheehe okay noted for future reference

Report to who? Don't forget that this is Nairaland, you report an abusive spouse to the Nigerian police, to do what exactly? Are you speaking of reporting in civilised country? A woman in Nigeria knows that her best bet is to act and remove herself from damage. Do you think that reporting to parents and her entire generation is the solution? I don't even get what you are nitpicking.

Timbuktou:
Uh oh. Badass Byvan's got her guns out blazing. Saying you sounded daft was just a harmless, yet astute observation. No need to get emotional and overly defensive

You are the only daft person you know, deal with your bane and don't rope me in . The only emotions going haywire is yours and I don't need to defend myself against you, just a little crush and you did be all splattered underneath my tims.

Eketem:
This is actually worse than physical violence, the only reason they didn't beat him is because they are physically unable.

This is the worst form of violence. Next time a woman is physically abused please advise her to " handle it herself "

I don't understand your sentiments, isn't the woman supposed to handle it herself? Who will handle it for her? Her parents, in laws or siblings? Adults should learn to mop their own mess. You take a decision and not whine to all and sundry over challenges.

Timbuktou:
Hahaha. Let me see:
1. Divulging family secrets.
2. Conspiring to ridicule one's husband.
3. Conspiring to levy false accusations against one's husband.
4. Conspiring to run a parallel family behind husband's back.
5. Deliberately falsely accusing and damaging husband's image.
6. Manufacturing a PHYSICAL and verbal altercation from thin air, in the morning.
7. Disparaging husband's mother and family.

How dare I compare all these with "outright physical abuse" the height of domestic disputes. Byvan, no offence, you sound daft.

No, I can't be categorised as daft just because a man your age suffers from severe diahhoer of the fingers, impaired enough to type like a suckling. If you can't put your emotions in check while having an objective discourse, please go to hell!! Reserve your Agbero tantrums for whom it may concern.

Eketem:
No Ma showing the family is not what will ruin everything, what ruined everything was the stupid decision she made with her sisters and their idiotic actions.

Let her face the responsibility of her actions. Same way we would not tell a woman to hide physical abuse is the same way this minute shouldn't hide this emotional abuse.

Actions have consequences

Let the man handle this, let him dish the consequences at his own terms. Telling the family equals the end, I doubt he wants an end yet. You don't first smash to pieces what you intend to repair. I totally agree with Bellong on this one.

Timbuktou:
Everything is not already ruined? If the man had been slapping her around unprovoked upon advice from his elder brothers would you be so 'level-headed'? Lol, nairaland

You are comparing outright physical violence with this? Enjoy your argument alone.

Sorry for your pain coldharmattan, pick up what is left and forge ahead. Don't go grovelling, nothing good comes out of it.

Eketem:
Who talked about divorce? You said he should not show his family, same family she went to lie to and insult him too. That is what I am talking about not divorce. This is not a matter to be swept under the carpet it must be thoroughly handled by all the people she involved

Showing the family will ruin everything.

Go with a bottle of alcoholic wine and don't start what you can't finish. You can buy whatever next time.

bellong:
@Op,

Do you have a copy of the recordings?

Keep your calm for now, let your head be cleared first and don't do anything stupid as you may spoil a good case.

Your wife is naive and foolish like a lamb taken to the slaughter's slab. Her sisters are obviously jealous of her marriage and are pretending to help her conquer you with a view to destroying her marriage.

I want to believe her sisters' marriage are not in order internally and they are jealous of your mum's relationship with her. Your wife trusted them too much for being siblings not to mislead her but not knowing they have a different plan. Your wife lacks knowledge, discernment and good judgement.

The point she said this is what I am waiting for when you pushed her away is a giveaway that she was acting a foolish script she doesn't know the end.

Many will want you to send her packing but I don't think it is the right thing to do. Prior to this event, you have not found any bad behaviour in and with her. Take this as a first offense.

Does it mean you shouldn't address it, by all means do.

Don't change your attitude or behaviour to her, don't give her any idea to suspect anything till weekend. During the weekend, play the recordings for her and walk away. Prior to this, book an appointment with her parents alone. Then take the recordings to them for them to listen. Don't say anything, let them do the talking afterwards. Please don't involve your parents as it will crush them..

Your wife is not a lost cause, her sisters are. She needs wisdom.

May God grant you wisdom to pull through this

1 million likes, I couldn't have said it better. This is exactly my point!

Eketem:
Let the marriage end if that is what would happen. Why do we want to shield this nonsense? Because a woman is involved we are suddenly concerned about home restoration.

These witches would have continued this torture for years if he had not heard this recording.

Let the whole family come let them seperate temporarily let her go and think about her actions

What if the OP doesn't want his marriage to end? If he wanted to be divorced he won't be asking for your counsel. Nobody is shielding anyone as I don't do gender sentiments. Any marriage that becomes a play field for all will always shatter to pieces. If he wants the marriage, it is not irreparable as his wife is being manipulated.

Don't be in a hurry to tell your family, once they hear this, the marriage has ended. A family with too much interference hardly lasts.


Tell her what you know, make sure she spends 2 weeks or more with those precious sisters of hers. She needs a reality check, she might not be a bad person but she is vulnerable. It's a shame when a woman has a weak personality, people like her operate with others steam. She has no mind of her own. You can save your marriage but you need to make your mark now, a huge mark that will reset all misplaced nuts in her brain.


If you want to restore your marriage, please don't tell your parents, they won't forgive this. Any meeting should be between you, her sisters and their husbands. Your problem is salvageable, you still have a fighting chance and you will win if you stampede those roaches into their hiding places. Those yelling divorce won't be there there to console your battered heart. Marriages do have their ups and down, deal with this like a man. Warn that wife of yours that the day she reports you to anyone again is the day the marriage ends and mean it.

bukatyne:
At bold: Extremely on point.

Don't tell hubby what you earn; all men lie; bla bla bla etc.

Na them sabi.

Nothing like making the right choice per time and if wrong, quickly retrace your steps.

In my little experience, all the ladies chanting 'all men cheat' are all cheats/ ex-runs girls themselves

Thank you!! Each time I see that all men cheat bullshi*t, I mentally register an ex runs girl wailing. Why won't all men cheat when they have obviously known more bedroom ceilings than good food? They cheat because no one will take a runs girl seriously.



I love this "Nothing like making the right choice per time and if wrong, quickly retrace your steps".

bukatyne:
The time she would use to wade off babes would be used building a relationship with her own man. Tomorrow, they will start crying all men are cheats/untrustworthy and be giving unsolicited advices to younger ones.

The ridiculous advice is worrying, they will claim they have seen it all. When in reality they have not seen what normal humans should see. They always pay, one way or the other.