₦airaland Forum

lezz:
Eziokwu

I'm a young lad who has dined with the spirits of our ancestors past.

I see you feeling soft about court marriage. Are you domiciled in the West?

It's just the type that appeals to my personality most.

lezz:
I am the custodian of Africa's finest norms and tradition. Call me the steward of our fathers' arcanum

I'm a chief, baby(?)

Odiegwu!

5minsmadness:
Haha! I felt you blush just then

As blushing machine abi?


Actually the whole traditional marriage protocol is beyond annoying. There is no wedding as cool as court wedding. You, your spouse, 2 witnesses. Pay a little extra and have it conducted right there in your sitting room, case closed.

SalomonKane:
I know not what you mean, neither would I pretend I understand what you just typed. But please, I never intend for my opinion to change the way you reason, for that will be a lost course.

Good that you understand the concept of live and let's live .

lezz:
I have. But not before pointing the world to your ankle-deep reservoir of marital knowledge

Of course, you can knock yourself out. It will be a shame if you are single and yet deem yourself qualified to have an opinion at all on matters such as this.

5minsmadness:
I hear u
There's a 99% probability that with all this your making mouth, your family will still give a list to your fiancee and you will blush with pride when he fulfils it all


I left the other 1% out for the sake of statistics

Blush indeed.

SalomonKane:
Oh really? Yet you crave to be won like a trophy by wishing a man undergo 100 stroke of the cane as penance for your 'bride price?'. Lol.

My dear, women like you love to be spoiled, tamed and pampered beyond recognition, that's how you make yourself easy targets for breeding self seeking men.

"Love, tamed and pampered ", this sounds silly enough ,it doesn't to you? Your opinion is only limited to what you know.

Seems you haven't been reading or you deliberately chose to comprehend upside down. Anyway your opinion changes nothing for me .

SalomonKane:
Oh really? Yet you crave to be won like a trophy by wishing a man undergo 100 stroke of the cane as penance for your 'bride price?'. Lol.

My dear, women like you love to be spoiled, tamed and pampered beyond recognition, that's how you make yourself easy targets for breeding self seeking men.

Seems you haven't been reading or you deliberately chose to comprehend upside down. Anyway your opinion changes nothing for me .

5minsmadness:
[size=18pt]No. 2[/size]

No 2 really? you have no idea. I will walk out on all traditions and the ancestors can roll over in their graves for all I care. You only consider your loved ones and sacrifice just a bit of yourself not to hurt them.

SalomonKane:
Even when the Koboko method was still used by the Fulani's, i'm sure you know there were men who stood and took that 100 stroke of cane, and later claim their bride and tamed them making them the loyal house wife.

I tell you this, should Nigeria as a whole adopt this Koboko method, women like you will find yourself at the mercy of drop dead nincompoops, who will endure 100 stroke of the cane, so they have you and yours as wives for comfort. Then I'm sure you'll live happily ever after.

No need consoling yourself, women like me are never at anyone 's mercy. Certainly men like you will go for what they will tame, it's good to cut your coat according to your size .

postmann:
Have you read about the "koboko" method in the clime where it is practiced? Or what it signifies?

Well, for the fulanis, it's actually an act of warriorhood; that the man can actually protect his wife! It's synonymous with the manly rituals undergone by some male adolescents to register their manhood in some other cultures.

And yes, the fulanis pay bride price of herds of cows and other expensive items too.

And if you think the absence of bride price negates a husband's authority over you, then you're under deceit. Infact, your father can give you off for free to your husband. And he has the powers to do so. It wont makes you any less his wife and he has authority over you in the spiritual and physical realms.

You and physical /spiritual realm are like 5 n 6 . In that case, the biblical method of serving the girl's father for a few years will suffice, am sure there won't be any cow required afterwards.

cococandy:
Surprisingly guys are the one who want to uphold the practice of bride price. Even though they sometimes claim it is exorbitant.
And not surprisingly you're the ones who bring it up when you want mock women. "After I paid your bride price" bla bla bla. Most guys I've come across in this forum bring it up as avenue to mock women whenever the issues of equal treatment being discussed.

Does it take Einstein's IQ to deduce that the only reason why men want it continued is so that you can have something to hold over the woman for the rest of her life? Not that you care so much about culture. You only care about culture when it's the one that massages your egos and put women in a secondary position.

You and OP and the rest of you dudes should spare us your pseudo concern for 'our culture'. We know what you really care about. your fragile egos.

I can't wait for every damn thing to be scrapped, let's see what is there to hold onto. You totally got the drift. The koboko method should be the bride price, since they need something to win, money is too disposable . I doubt any man will subject himself to that without being blind,deaf and crippled in love. This method certainly will be more preserving for the institution. When you want behave like the devil's sanitary pad and remember how many strokes you endured to win her, you comport yourself.

lezz:
Any how? In other words, just any" other option" that doesn't involve that "list" will do? You have nothing better to proffer then.
A calabash? If an item is to be accepted in symbolism for a would-be bride, it has to be a calabash? Lolz. What does it signify? And which community does that. I can well imagine two lust-addicts presenting a dozen calabashes for marriage and breaking it off to signify divorce.
You just exposed your shallow idea here.

First off, marriage is a societial acceptable institution recognised by government, church and society at large.

So couples can't fix how a marriage should be conducted. Come up with something better

It's not really my job to convince you. Its ok to disregard my so called "shallow " opinion and move on.

LadyOfgrace:
I love the idea of my husband being flogged a hundred strokes though, makes a lot of sense

mean bride.

lezz:
What then is your opinion how traditional marriage should be done?

It can be done anyway that doesn't involve that disturbing list. Just exchange a symbolic item, I have heard of a calabash as the bride price. It gets broken in front of the families to signify a divorce. The couple should decide how much fanfare they desire without having to abide by any list.

Gboliwe here babe. Please educate me about that NHIS . Is it something an individual can register for or you must be working under a government body?

Gboliwe:
Please ask for my akant number. This Buhari economy isn't smiling

Make I find private corner call you there so we don't derail the thread.

lezz:
You gave it away with the picture you painted traditional marriage rites.

The bride price is Symbolic in significance and as well as the kneeling down of the bride to offer the groom a drink from her father.

It doesn't imply the selling off of the bride. Marriage is a serious and secred business, passage into it should be Symbolic and colourful in deed as well as in tediousness.

It is no coincidence that traditional societies the world over who still practice old traditional rites of marriages have the most lasting marriages ever still.

Eg, the Jewish , African and Ethiopian communities.

While a smattering amount of families can exploit the Symbolic act for an avenue of material aquirement, it doesn't change what the pride prize symbolises:

A sign of gratitude and appreciation for a daughter whom you have come to marry away.

Note that in traditional African societies, the refund of the bride price is a sign of divorce in totality too.

I think the Fulani method of enduring several strokes of cane is more symbolic and significant. If you tell me that marriages instituted on this premise last longer, I will totally see why. No man will want to endure it more than once or twice. A mild version of "catching a grenade for ya" is symbolic enough, much more so than goats, yams, wrappers, kolanuts which eventually gets converted to money if the groom is coming from a far distance. Some demand gold, tricycles for the girl's generation including the grannies amongst them. What of the groom rendering a few years of service to his prospective father in law as bride price, won't that be more symbolic?

Hello ladies.



Gboliwe am looking for you, mention me when you are online.

lezz:
Are you Igbo?

Yes, why?

bukatyne:
@Bold:

The Bible says a man will leave his father & mother and cleave to his wife....

Isn't the husband the one to leave his family? Shouldn't women be the ones paying their husbands? At least, we have such in India and Britain (till it was cancelled).

@OP:

I really agree with byvan03 though we don't collect money and the wife's family present some gifts to he hubby's family and hosts the ceremony.

The term 'price' connotes a transaction.

Thank you!

SalomonKane:
No doubt. But what I don't like is having someone who knows absolutely nothing about what's being said, open his gob and spew the things his demented head can't even comprehend, just because he has the joy of Google.

In as much as everybody is free to air his or her opinion. I'm more concern about where that opinion stem from, whether it is informed, or was forged from the irons of truth.

Never forget, this age has given birth to uninformed and myopic opinion. So one needs to be careful about the kind of opinion one reads and accept.

E no reach fight jare, break it off already.

So you give him your whole salary and what next? In your adult life you can't manage your own money or what? You don't even keep any savings for yourself? Go for your interview since your future upkeep depends on it for now. I don't even understand the rationale behind a man being comfortable to strip his wife of her entire salary every month, is almost embarrassing. Madam what do you mean that you keep no pocket money for yourself? You don't even have 100 naira on you,yet you have been earning nawaooh!!!

SalomonKane:
It's the spur of the moment. It happens and there isn't anything one can do about it. That's why we go with the flow.

However, I will not look the other way if and when lobotomize and depraved massa damnata purile individuals feel the need to insult my parents just because there is no age in the internet.

Least I say if this were to be real life, that purus idiota of a failed experiment born out of a test tube, will be running errands for me.

So, we should be careful who and whose opinion we support or adhere to because I still will never believe a teenager should meddle in the affairs of men, be it in the internet or real life, after all, this is the family section.

People have a right to whatever preferred opinion and are free to acknowledge any opinion that align with theirs. It's nothing to fight about really, nothing to insult each other about.

postmann:
The ancestors are full of wisdom no doubt. Theirs was pure, naked wisdom. They walked closer with the gods and learned firsthand.All the best books on wisdom were written by them. Theirs was an imperfect world too. But if we allowed most of their values to prevail, we would be safer.




That comparison is most unfortunate. And it must have been birthed from a mind conditioned to think negatively by prevailing circumstances.

It is manly to fight and earn a woman. Not as a property but as an act of being able to take care of her.

And yes, a woman belongs to her father. In marriage contraction, bride price is a form of gratitude or appeasement to her father and her father's people.



There's honour when a man recognises the fact that his woman is priceless and that if she actually was to be sold, she definitely couldn't be bought. The bridal list of requirements and process may be flawed in some climes, but then again, men who know how valuable their women are will go for it bringing honour to their women, she's worth it and more.






Even after the bride price is paid, even after several years, the process can still be reversed with the bride price returned. It was never a matter of buying and selling as the antagonists would like everyone to believe.

It is simply a matter of symbolic traditional requirements for man and spirit.

"Unclad wisdom" really? I can't even begin to punch holes on their "Unclad wisdom", too tired for that. The only thing returned is the token monetary price, what happens to every other thing on the list which they also accepted in cash or material? Why should the father be appeased? A culture mostly driven by greed and too much want. My opinion is born out of careful consideration and not prevailing circumstance. What do you think about the entire list being scrapped and the token itself which is always between 5-20k maintained? Don't you think it will make the process less commercial?

Transport companies can be used, they have courier services. ABC express charges according to the price of the goods, they will ask you. Depending on where you are sending to, a pair of shoe we cost you between 800-1500 depending on destination. Your customers will have to pick it from the courier office.


You can also ask your customer the courier service closest to them and use it to making pick up easy. Don't give to drivers, always go directly to the courier office.

Why is it that your threads never escape a showdown? People end up cursing out themselves .

postmann:
It all makes one big, symbolic, never-to-forget ceremony. And It means a lot to men too.

Don't see "price" from a monetary point of view. See it as "requirement".

A woman who belongs to nobody is an outcast. And she is vulnerable and without defence. A woman belongs to her father, and her father belongs to his kindred. The bride price is symbolic; an act of honour and respect that a woman has been well and honourably given out in marriage.

There's this brashness and arrogance with this generation and they assume a lot. Part of that assumption is that they know better than their forefather and yet to live out a hundred years is beyond their grasp.

The assertion that the ancestors are full of wisdom is only for those that refused to think beyond norms and chose not to question conventions . You said it means a lot to men, I suppose the same feeling you get when you buy an expensive car. The matter at hand has nothing to do with a woman's placement , whether out caste or free born, as a matter of fact totally unrelated.

There is nothing honourable about being priced, a woman's true worth should be priceless. A symbolic item would have made more sense than the long list and a few coin. Do you know that bride price is haggled? What's respectful about being priced like a commodity?

Being a requirement doesn't change the fact that it is monetary , humans should be priceless. It's hardly different from being sold.

What has being rich got to do with fulfilling marital obligations?

darkenedrebel:
Culture is dynamic, and the tradition of bride price did not fall down like manna from heaven, it was institutionalized by humans—our ancestors if you may.

So, since culture is an invention of man that is dynamic, its relevancy should be gauged from time to time to determine if it still has value and worthy of practicing, or if it is just an anachronism constituting a nuisance.

I hold no briefs for the concept of bride price—never did and never will. It is an unnecessary practice and a nuisance with little to zero symbolic import.

And not just because I see it as women being bought or any of that kind of stuff, but because I refuse to let my ancestors think for me, because I refuse to follow rules mapped out centuries ago by people whose intentions during the process of conceiving these rules remain unclear.

This generation must begin to think for itself rather than harking back to the past and letting our ancestors think for us.

Thank you! I couldn't have said it better.

postmann:
Irrespective of what various tribes or ethnicities might have conjure up on bribe price, it remains a very symbolic aspect of the great transition called marriage. If marrying a woman required no "manly ritual" such as bride price, I tell you, the institution of marriage would have suffered a total collapse and loss of value. It would be as simple as walking into a bathroom and working out.

Bride price protects the sanctity of marriage, making it dear and symbolic. It also has a spiritual signifance -- where man and spirits are appeased. True there are marital problems even with bride price, but without it, it would be worse..

I don't know your religious tenets but mind you, marriage was never initiated by man. It's not the property of our ancestors.

Okay ooo, to each his own. A symbolic item like calabash, cowries e.t.c will serve as better price. I don't see anything symbolic about goat, yams, kolanuts and a few change. The term " price " is even worrying, very commercial . One will have to stick it out for this life time,i guess some things never change.

ifyalways:
Onegai, EfemenaXY, Chilisauce, Cococandy, Blank, Edwife etc, Oya, Lets swing and jump

Going . . .

Ohhh lawd!! Will jump if am paid well enough to .


Seriously even with a million $ I cant!!!