₦airaland Forum

I don't know how to emphasis this further but yes money is not everything but money is important. I would not let my daughter marry a man who does not have enough money to cater for their basic needs, definitely not to a man still staying with his parents.

It is difficult to know if a babe really likes you for you, once you are very comfortable, I used to have that problem before, since I didn't start dating until I got a well paying job. But I discarded that concept long ago, afterall who likes to suffer, be honest to yourself and try to place your self in a woman's shoes, as much as the babe might be attracted to you because of the effects you have, as a result of your money, it doesn't mean she can not genuinely love you, afterall you were also attracted to her because of her beauty so how does she also ascertain that your love is genuine. Study the babe carefully and with time you would know whether the love is genuine or not.

A colleague of mine once tested his babe, he was seriously considering marrying her, so he took his entire leave of 6 weeks, didn't travel anywhere but stayed at home buying newspaper and applying for jobs. When the babe asked what the problem was and why he wasn't going to work anymore he said he had been retrenched and was looking for another job. Within a short time he parked his car, stopped his DSTV subscription, stopped running his Gen and started cutting down on his expenses saying he was trying to conserve his last cash until he secures another job. Well the suffering was getting too much for the babe so every little opportunity she would start a quarrel until eventually she packed her things and dumped the guy. Much later when she discovered that the guy hadn't lost his job she tried comming back, for where the bobo no gree..

I come from a family of 6 and I know how difficult it was for my father to send us all through school, but thank God he did and we are all Graduates. Based on his experience I would like to have 2 kids sex is not really so important boys, girls, mixed I don't mind, but to be a bit realistics I know if the 2 are girls my wife would be very worried, you know this issue about a woman not being complete unless she has a male child. If this happens and she is uncomfortable I would go for a third and final child with the warning that whatever we get is where we stop.

I like travelling oversea on vacation in fact I do that every year and would love to take my entire family along without going bankrupt so the smaller the size the better abi? Besides while building my house I only made provision for 2 childrens room, I have completed the house and I am already living in it and don't intend to do any expansion.

I told you guys somewhere about my very close friend whom I was attracted to and didn't sleep with for fear of ruining the friendship. She got married to a guy 1 year younger than her. She used to feel she couldn't date nor marry anyone younger than her, but at the age of 31 and still single, she relaxed a bit, she had her doubts about the guy especially on the age issue when they started dating and use to discuss it at length with me. Eventually she got to like and respect him for his maturity and experience in life (the guy actually runs his own business). When she was getting married I told her never to see him as a small boy even when they have their inevitable quarrels, as much as possible she should always respect him as the head of the home afterall na so bible talk am.

U c h e s c o Wrote:, he is actually 25 while L is 29, and is still unemployed...I took him up on the age thing,and he said his parents are not in favour of him marrying an older woman... (Thats expected) but i'm sure the issue is that he is still not ready for marriage, because of the lack of money, and basics mentioned by Calabarman and GreatPeter.......

Seun I hope you have noted the reasons above. When young people talk about marriage they have this romantic notion that love solves all problems, in reality it doesn't, it strengthens the relationship quite alright but other basic things could tear it apart if not taken into consideration.

I have lots of married friends and colleagues who converted their GirlFriends to Wife without managing the transition process properly some are having real serious problems now and cann't imagine how a very loving and caring babe has now become a very demanding and unreasonable person. When they were dating the guys were spalshing money around and giving the impression that they were loaded, now married the spare cash has dwindled as cost has gone up. I have often told them that a simple solution is to sit down with their wife open up their payslip and do a cash flow analysis, let her know how much you are earning and how the money is being spent and what spare cash is available for other projects. Once you bring her into the planning process she would automatically mellow down  and would even assist them in cutting cost in certain areas. Some have taken my advice others have skeleton in their cupboards (girlfriends/concubines) and can't do this.

Now ladies my question. Is Kenny a man or a woman? The profile says female but the write-up indicates male.

I mentioned some where of a babe I went out with long ago during my early days of dating. The babe I refered to as the GREAT TEACHER , though younger than me, she taught me a lot of things and I am forever grateful to her. During one of those our early sessions while we were relaxing and enjoying the afterglow she climb on top of me and said "Let me teach you how to kiss properly", she didn't say I was lousy. She then commenced the lecture telling me how to set my mouth, how and when to use the tongue, the entire works. Damm the babe was really good, I never considered her loose, I actually felt I was blessed and lucky to have met her and have great repect for her till today. She taught me lots of other things throughout the time we were together and by the time she was through with me I had mastered the skills. she actually set an exam for me one day, came in from school told me she was tired, and that I would have to do all the work without any assistance from her, and man did I work, this was real life practicals and I couldn't afford to dissapoint my teacher. I knew I was doing a good job as the signs and feedback were very obvious, I was so engrossed in what I was doing that I didn't even have time to think of myself, at the end she scored my performance.....

The best relationship you can have is an open and honest one with lots of communication, feedback is very important but it has to be done properly  in order not to hurt each others feelings, if there are poor performance issues it needs to be tackled immediately before it explodes, but do so in a nice manner and be open to feedback and corrections. Don't assume you know it all....

disallowed:
yes you must have some money when wooing a girl, but it doesnt have to be that much.

@t r a e_z: I totally agree with your statement above, however I didn't have spare cash for romance while on campus. Let me paint my financial picture back then for you. Back in the mid 80's when I entered university my father was a civil servant with 6 children in school, 4 of whom were in the University while the remaining 2 were secondary school as such he had to spread the money around. My allowee on Campus was 100 naira a month. This was just sufficient to keep body and soul going. Cooking by students wasn't popular then so we ate at the many Bukaterias (red brick buildings in UNILAG), a standard meal was 1 Naira then. I was operating a diet of 0, 1, 1 so I could have some spare cash, 40 bucks to spend on provisions and photocopying textbooks. I never bought any text book while on campus and handouts were yet to be introduced in UNILAG.

During Registration/Matriculation I met a fine well padded babe, (my ideal spec, none of those skinny and bonny Agbani type) who was also registering for the same course with me, she had the physique I liked and a sweet voice, I fell for her instantly, we never talked much, just Hi and a few questions/answers on the registration process. 1st year engineering students take the same courses so I didn't really have the opportunity to develop a good rapor with her. By our second year we had split up into our different disciplines and the classes were much smaller, so once in a while we sat together for lectures, but our gist was always about school work. I blasted my 1st semester year 2 exams and had one of the best results in class, which was posted on the notice board. Shortly after the babe walked up to me and asked if she could be my study partner of course I agreed immediately, by this time I had already developed a terrible crush for her.

Throughout 2nd semester we studied together in fact our classmates started calling us husband and wife and would change her surname on the notice board to mine. Her presence and closeness coupled with her zexy dresses (used to show off her lovely laps and big bust) was really disturbing my concentration, my 2nd semester result was not as good as the 1st but she really improved on her grades, so by the 3rd year I developed a new strategy whereby I commence studying alone earlier (by 7pm) and we meet up later by 10pm, this worked perfectly and my grades improved. Throughout this time I was dying badly for the babe but I couldn't muster up enough courage to tell her for fear of rejection and lack of enough resources to maintain the relationship.

Back then in school we used to have lots of shows especially during the 1st semester, due to my financial condition I could only attend the Miss Unilag and Mr Macho shows (alone without a date), but the babe loved all the shows, used to attend them and gist me on how great they were, I never asked her if she went alone or someone took her along, I guess I didn't want to know if she had a boyfriend and she never mentioned one. What you don't know can’t hurt you abi?. I knew I couldn't afford to take her to those shows so why start what i can’t sustain, she probably would have paid her fare but then I would still feel bad for not being able to take care of my babe the way a man should, so I maintained and died silently inside. Anyway we both graduated with very good results. Up to today she doesn't know how much I liked her back then. She is married now with kids, I heard from her last, 3 years ago. Any day I run into her I would tell her about the terrible crush I had for her back then. She would probably laugh and tell me I was very lucky for not trying to date her then eh..cause the “Isho” would have been longer than 6 inches and I would have been emotionally devastated….Moremites could be mean to fellow male students then.

Sorry I have deviated again from the subject matter of this thread with my irrelevant gist. A thousand apologies to you all….

Hot-angel, I type the stories on-line, it flows better as I am typing and since they are true stories they are quite easy to bring out.

At a colleagues wedding near Onitsha, she was a friend to the bride.

Let me tell you guys a story of betrayal that happened to me years ago when I first joined my present company

A colleague of mine and I (new staff then) where sent on an on the job training to our PH office. The guy had a Volkswagen Battle so we drove down, he was a happening guy and was very smooth with babes, in less than a week he had already gotten 2 babes one in UNIPORT and the other in RUST and was alternating between the two of them. Me I was still a novice then afterall I left school without dating, I met a pretty babe working in the company and started warming my way towards her slowly, calling her up in the office to chat, (no GSM then), took her for lunch a couple of times, visited her office, gisted, bought her lots of things and eventually invited her to come and visit us at the guest house we were staying. Eventually I built up enough courage to ask her to spend the night with me, which she did but later told me she was having her period (maybe na lie) so no show, we only did some heavy smooching. This was on a Thursday, on Friday I had to travel home to Calabar, only to return on sunday and see the babe with my colleague cuddling on my bed and watching TV. Initially I didn't think much about it, my colleague tried to explain saying that nothing happened. I told him I didn't want to talk about it.

A few days later the babe moved into the guest house to stay with the guy. I was totally devastated. After all my hard work the babe betrayed me big time, I was very naïve and inexperienced then. I didn’t keep the hurt to myself I actually told her that nobody has ever hurt me the way she did. Do you know what her response was? she said she was flattered by my feelings for her. She also said that she could only go out with me out of pity. She told me plenty things. Na whao man don suffer. The babe used to tease me, every night she would come to room, lay on top of me and start giving me some dry gist. I refused to smooch her and always kept my hands far from her body, however this didn’t stop me from getting turned on, and once she feels it she would jump off, start giggling and leave my room. In the morning she would come to my room and give me a hug, until one day while trying to hug me I pushed her away and told her I wasn’t that easy. After some months the scale fell off her eyes (my colleague dumped her for another babe) and she tried coming back to me but by then it was too late, I was already in a serious relationship. The babe is now married and we are friends, whenever we meet in functions she goes out of her way to be extra nice to me. Throughout the time she was mean to me I never said anything harsh to her, I really liked her and didn’t have any grudges against her afterall she was only following her heart, I saw it as part of growing up and didn’t allow it to change my attitude towards babes in general.

The guy still works in the same company with me I told him I can't trust him any more, on several occassions he has tried to get close to me, but I keep him at an arms length. We even worked together on the same project for 2 years, tavelled out to Holland once on company assignment shopped together and clubbed together, but I maintain our friendship at a certain distance, he is a nice guy just that I don't trust him anymore, we are still friends (I forgave him long ago afterall it takes 2 to tango) but not as close as we should have been. He also makes a concious effort not to be close to any of my babes again even when I introduce them to him.

I had the same opinion while on campus the babes (moremites-Unilag Babes) preferred older men (sugar daddies, working class guys) who had spare money, so they didn't look at us poor struggling students, I mentioned in one of my postings that I graduated from university as a virgin because I didn't have the resources to operate at my desired level, una think say na joke. It is really a vicious cycle cause when I graduated and had the money I went after the campus babes, am sure the campus boys must have been complaining about my deeds as well.

Anyway to trash this issue what is your definition of a decent girl, can you list them out, so we know what you are talking about.

Some of you guys are preaching love/marriage without sufficient money eh , yawah go gas for una head o! I am not saying you have to be super rich before you marry but you need to have some basic things in place. There are 3 basic necessities of life Food, Clothing and Shelter a real man must be able to provide this for his family. You can not marry a wife and take her to your father or mother's house, In fact some of the new generation churches would not marry couples if the man does not have an apartment of his own. Once you rent an apartment you need to do some basic furnishing no be so?. If you are lucky the babe might be able to assist you but don't relly on that. Know that once a man starts sharing responsibilities he also shares control.

Now I think we are deviating from the purpose of this thread, the guy needs advice so lets give it to him, afterall the final decision is his, no be so?

Nope don't walk away, you need to confirm for your self, setup a trap, catch her in the act then confront her. If you have a big heart, love her, she is really sorry and ask for forgiveness. Then forgive her, discuss what led to it, see if you can fill in the gaps and continue with the relationship. Most guys cheat or have cheated, some have been caught and forgiven, we also need to learn to forgive and forget. It is a two way thing.

Seun Family Planning ke.. Two things you missed.

The babe is 30, I don't think she would want to delay having her kids at this age (delay could be dangerous don't ask me why!)  secondly If 2 years after marriage they don't have a kid pressure and questions would start coming from both ends of the extended family, unless ofcourse the couples are not based in Nigeria. Otherwise my advice to couples just marrying is try and get the first kid as soon as possible after marriage and then do family planning after that not before. Some family planning drugs have side effects which may prevent pregnancy months after stopping.

Hey I thought this topic was taken off due to it's explicit nature....

Anyway lets continue the gist. I ran into the babe some days ago at our cash office (we have a very small branch of First Bank in our office complex just for staff), I was on my mobile when she approached from the back asking which babe I was talking to, I refused to answer her so she kept poking me on the side saying how can I be talking to another babe when she is around, that I should cut the line, I kept moving away trying to dodge but the babe no gree followed me all over the hall making a scene. I was actually talking to another babe a supplier but it was official (I swear!) although we exchanged some personal remarks. Anyway I quickly ended the call and told her I was going to report her for Sexual Harassment, the company actually has a policy against this, especially now that she was an oga (she was recently promoted and is a step higher than me). She said who would believe me, that in Nigeria women don't harass men. I told her that people in the banking hall would be my witness, in fact one of my former female boss was there at the moment so I turned to her and asked if she would testify. My former boss said she would not but would tell my main babe whom I had introduced to her some years back (women, too trickish eh..) what she just saw, anyway to cut a long story short we all laughed collected our money and left.

We haven't had our lunch date yet as she is currently on vacation outside the country....

The way i see it your friend is 26 and probably feels he is not yet comfortable financially to marry. If that is the case then I agree with him. Marriage goes beyond the 2 people involved. Once married kids would come in, and you need money to take care of them, there are also other cost associated with marriage which the man has to take care of. Marriage without sufficient funds could be very stressful even when the love is strong. There are 3 major components in a marriage Love, Sex and Money if any is missing the marriage could fail.

I understand why she feels the need to get married, she has reached that magic age (30) where babes start to panick. If your friend really loves this babe, he needs to lay his card on the table, tell her why he is not yet ready to marry. Together they can develop a plan after reviewing all the options available to them, if they decide to go ahead then they need to fix a date and work the plan.

Looking at the age difference issue again it is really not a big thing for the couples but how about their families how would they take it, I know yoruba families are against their son marrying an older babe, and most yoruba boys tend to do what their parents want.

Different strokes for different folks eh.. I believe in excelling in whatever I do. While in school I read my books well and was amongst the best in my class. When I decided to play I played well and mastered the act of playing. I also work very hard to ensure that the daily bread continues. Most of my friends who were catching their grooves on campus are not half as comfortable as I am now, in fact most of them are in London doing odd jobs to make ends meet. There is a time for everything.

AIDS wasn't invented this century it was actually discovered in the 80's so awareness has been high for over 20 years, only a fool would play around without adequate protection, mind you buy the expensive (high quality) ones don't pinch money on anything concerning your life.

Do you know that the worse thing that can happen to a man is to wake up at the age of 70 and wish he had explored his sexuality when he was younger, catch your groove while you are still young but most important of all know when to quit and settle down. There is more to life than sex.

@pkrix there comes a time in a man's life (especially when he has decided to settle down) when you need to have two types of women in your life, those you sleep with and those you can have indepth discussions with and learn from. The type of discussions you can have with a babe you are not sleeping with is more open, free and honest without any emotions tinting and clouding the view point. She would tell you things as they are from a womans perspective, those view points are invaluable and would help you in future.

I know you think CalabarMan should chop whatever comes his way, well I am not claiming to be a saint. Infact let me give you an overview of my profile. I graduated from university at the age of 21 as a virgin, while in school I never had any girlfriend not that I didn't want to but I didn't have the resources to operate at the level I wanted. So I faced my books graduated early as one of the best in my class, came out and got a good job with better pay almost immediately. With better pay, youth and spare time on my side I decided to explore the world and catch up on the things I thought I had missed out in school, at this time I was operating on a higher level than what my friends did back in school. Can you imagine the effect a guy creates by driving a BRAND new car to a campus in the 90's to pick up a babe and then taking her out to a nice restuarant or all night clubbing hopping from one club to another spending thousands of naira. oh boy leave matter o! I had lots of relationships and met lots of babes along the line, in fact there is a particular babe I met whom I refer to as the GREAT TEACHER she was younger than me but more experienced in sex, I learnt a lot from her.

I have since retired from field operations, sex is sweet but temporary, friendship last longer and is more valuable.

This drive to get married results in a lot of unecessary pressure being applied to relationships. Some years back I was dating a banker, the relationship was less than a week old when she started mounting pressure on me, asking me what do I want from this relationship, where is it leading to etc etc. The first day I visited her (she was staying alone in a 2 bedroom apartment), she had a big piece of paper on her wall titled new year resolution with the objective to find a young handsome man to marry and have healthy kids with. I guess this resolution was her driving force for the year and she kept mounting pressure on me to make a committment. I tried explaining to her that we need to know how compatible we are before making future long term plans, but she was in a hurry. So I called off the relationship and we went our ways. A years later she tried coming back apologising that she was very childish back then, and now understood what I was trying to explain. It was already too late as I was into another relationship. I ran into her a few weeks ago she is still single but no longer searching aggresively.

The urge to get married for most of us especially ladies, is to start raising kids, women who have their 1st kid after 30 are considered as high risk mothers during pregnancy and are given additional attention. There is also a general believe that kids born to women under the age of 30 are stronger and more healthy. While most babes start thinking about marriage at the age of 25 and start panicking by 30, most men don't until they are around 30.

I think we all need to relax a bit on this marriage thing, make sure you find a partner who is a good friend, someone you like being with and gisting with, cause once the initial novelty of the marriage wears out, which happens within the first 2 years of marriage, it is the friendship that would sustain and strengthen the relationship, bear in mind that physical beauty is relative and fades with time.

Marriage is not compulsory but there comes a time in everybody's life when you need to settle down and raise a family. Having children out of wedlock is totally unfair to the children, they need a stable environment to grow and become morally upright. Secondly as we grow older sex becomes less important to us, we need companionship, someone to gist with, this is where a spouse fits in. If you keep changing partners and never settle with one, you would end up being lonely during your old age when you need a companion most.

Damm I think I am too old for this forum, no wonder most of the babes were complaining about my post. Sorry O!, before I spoil any one here I would have to go through all my postings deleting some and editing others. Seun what is the easiest way of listing all my post.

By the way i graduated from university at 21 almost a decade and a half ago, so you see i am too old for most of you here. Ask Hot-Angel the mathematician to compute that for you. Seun I dey wait O!, I feel so guilty all of a sudden

Self control ke.. I don't think so.. the important thing was the friendship, once bitten twice shy. I had already lost a great friend once, such friends are very rare and hard to find (Can you imagine having a female friend you can discuss anything with, even things you can't gist with your male friends for fear of being laughed at).....

She often noticed when she turns me on badly, she would look and giggle, and I would tell her my babe was in trouble that night. She would pretend to be jelouse saying how can someone else enjoy the fruit of her labour, it was all fun and playful.

In one of my postings on this forum, I gisted about a very close female friend I had sometime back, we used to go clubbing together, talk about everything, the friendship was great until we took it to the next level and started sleeping together, things now became complicated and we couldn't talk freely again, I decided to revert back to our former state of platonic friendship, Like clicking the back button, for where the babe no gree said it was ALL or NOTHING, that was the end of a great friendship.

Years later, I met another babe I was very close to, in fact we worked together on a project, and we could discuss everything, and she was a natural flirt, touching, brushing the whole works, gradually the urged to take it to the next level with her kicked in, so during lunch one day I placed my card on the table and told her I was falling for her badly and she turns me on like hell, but then I know if we do anything it would ruin our friendship, which to me was more valuable than any sex we could have together. I made her promise to be strong for me and assist me in not crossing the line of friendship (off course I told her about the female friend I once had and how the friendship was ruined), I told her signs to look out for and how to resist.

After this our friendship became stronger I was still attracted to her but I didn't have to hide it any longer. I could tell her to wear a sexy outfit and she would, at times when work don hot and she is wearing one of those her skirts with slits in front, I would tell her I want to shadow her lovely laps and she would show them to me (we agreed upfront that I would never touch them). Most of our colleagues thought we were dating. I used to go to her house and she would show me all her sexy lingerie’s and cloths.

She is now married and we are no longer as close as we used to be, although whenever we call we talk as we used to in the past, but those calls are far between. The first day she met her husband I actually drove her to meet the guy, she didn't like the guy at first but I kept encouraging her to see the positive side of him. She played hard to get for a long while (always giving the guy blue balls, smooch him and stop), I told her it was unfair to threat the poor guy like that. The day she finally decided to do the guy she told me and we went to a supermarket together where I bought some packs of condom for her (I didn't want my friend to catch anything or get pregnant), later that evening during a send off party for our managers she gave me the whole low down of how she seduced the guy and did him.

Shortly before she got married to the guy she told me that, she now knows why it is very easy for close fiends to sleep together, and that she would like to sleep with me once just to get me out of her system, I sat her down and we analyzed the whole situation and at the end of the day we agreed not to do anything.

In conclusion yes it is possible for members of the opposite sex to be friends without sex, but both parties need to be very open with each other and discuss whatever feelings they have.