₦airaland Forum

byrron:
I can feel your pains through your comments and I genuinely wished your dad was there for you.

He's dead to me.

baretalk:
There is difference, a girl doing hookup is a whoore, and has more likelihood of contracting diseases, being an olosho also mess up the brain matter of these girls, they become depraved mentally.

Actually I don't care what you think.

Kobojunkie:
Precisely! I have seen it enough times particularly among Nigerians to know that these evils are best confronted rather than held in order for the cycle of hurt to end with them. Those who go on to become like their parents mainly refuse to confront the hurt and pain inflicted on them by their so-called loved ones, choosing instead to hold it all in until they too begin to rationalize and accept it as being ok behavior.

Na so many of my university friends whose fathers were deadbeats and irresponsible fathers come turn become like dem papa today. When you talk to them about it, many go say na generational curse for dem family, not realizing they did it to their own selves.

You are 100% correct about internalising pain. Men especially are more likely to build up a reservoir and hold up their emotions. But when they burst open, it's sometimes very deadly. That's why mostly men commit very very violent crimes.

I spent many years blaming myself. Maybe if I did this or that, my father will love me and pay my school fees or buy me school shoes or even come for a school function or something. Anything.
But then, I had to come face to face with the fact that "this is how he is". This has nothing to do with me.
Truth is, if you don't deal with your emotions and separate facts from illusions and get therapy, you may eventually become that which you hate.

* There are people who think words like "abuse" "trauma" "depression" "mental health" is a euro centric thing.

* Abuse comes in different forms. It's not only wife beating or r*pe. Neglect, whether financially, physically or even sexually is an abuse.

*Emotional abuse is just as bad as physical abuse, only without any scars to show.
Years of abuse can lead to depression and then suicide, if not well handled.

* Don't mock people who commit suicide. You didn't see what they saw.

*Get help. Talk to a therapist not just any body.

Kobojunkie:
You are not alone at all. This is Africa and there are plenty whose experiences mirror yours. Sadly, they have been lied to by the adults in their lives into believing that speaking out against the ills inflicted on them by their parents would bring curses and misery upon them, not realizing that it is in keeping mum that the bring such on themselves.

I can't tell of the years I believed I was worthless because of the abuse. Keeping silent is the worst. Fear and shame and guilt.
It's worse than an absentee parent. The pain is second to none. And when you reach adulthood, people expect you "grow up" and "move on".

Those you see making excuses for that man on this thread have become the monsters their fathers were.

byrron:
I genuinely shed a tear after reading this piece and I hope and pray for your heart to heal.

All the memories I have about my dad is that of a father that prioritized the general wellbeing of his 5 sons and his wife even while on his dieing bed.

Lost him sometimes in February 2022 and still grieve once in a while over his demise after I had already planned visiting Nigeria with my family to see him.

Be the best parent that one can ever be to your kids or once you start having them.

You have no idea how traumatising it is to watch, as though, through the window, your own father being caring to a fault to every other person, except you and your siblings.
It's almost unbelievable, like, pinch yourself "am I seeing double?"
You'll be a liar when you eventually talk.

oracle009:
Good! Then let the poor man rest

Your father. Tell that to the thing that gave life to you.

1Sharon:
After you bitch.

Donate your tears here.
Pathetic loser

oracle009:
My brother... Even yoruba, we get some bastards among us. I once attended a wake keep, the son (about 35years) stood up and said: "my father is a bad man. You are all saying good things about him, but he is bad to my mother"... This na papa wey all community members said they do keep money with him o". Everyone just shouted haaaaaa...

I just look at the guy and promised myself to dissociate from him patapata. The shame was HIS alone! He dey suffer am now. No one wan relate with him for the community.

The rest of you are phoolish ball-less men. You shun a person for opening up. That's why people kill themselves. Someone will have a useless father but because of what people will say, will stomach decades of abuse and neglect until they either take their life or become just as abusive as him.
Because y'all underestimate the power of abuse and trauma.

oracle009:
You no get mother?

My mother is ten of the man your father will ever be in a 1000 lifetimes.

byrron:
This should serve as a warning to everyone reading this piece that you may end up getting this type of content on your obituary biography if you turned out becoming an irresponsible parent to your kid's to the point where they wished they never had someone like you as a father/mother.

For someone's kids to pen down such a brutal piece about their late father means the only memories about him was that of pain and anguish and his demise is such a huge psychological relief.

Lessons should be learned from this piece as it will soon become the new normal moving forward.

If my siblings will let me, I know I can give my father this exact kind of writeup.
This African tradition of respecting old people NO MATTER WHAT is a demonic tradition that needs to be destroyed.
My own father never cared if my panties were torn or I had cloth to cover my na_kedness.

oluwaseyi0:
He may even be worse than absentee dad, at least absentee are absent and you can easily forget about them

What about dad that you can see but will carry all his money for concubine younger than his daughter

Children at home can't eat but baba is providing steadily for womanfriend's children


Imagine sending your hungry and out of school children to give food and money to your concubine children owned by another man, this is real life event I'm telling you

Useless ba_stard dead beats justifying a dead deadbeat.
God will judge.

Mindlog:
You are in denial.

The present generation and the future ones, are becoming more daring and less comfortable with "eye service" and cover ups.

The emotional blackmail the society has been using to subsidize deadbeat parents is fast losing its grip on children of neglectful parents.

Publicly treating deadbeat parents mess ups is becoming the new cool.

For those conversant with the bible: Fathers, provoke not your children to anger, lest they be discouraged.....Col. 3:21

Those cover ups only created a conducive atmosphere for wickedness to thrive.
How can a man be kind to outsiders, generous to outsiders yet can't pay children schoolfees? Can't buy books, uniform, nothing? Can't give his wife money for food? But can give the last 1 kobo in his pocket to a church member or a distant relative?
Let me not talk.

misan1977:
He brought u kids into this world at least, stupid shidren

He had sex. Someone else bore the burden of bringing them into the world.
Having children is not a gift to them if you abandon your duties towards them.

madridguy:
E sure me die na another man pickin they carry come give this man. Your own blood will never write something like this.

Make God no allow us born our enemy as child.

Your reasoning is shallow.
Seems you've never seen a narcissistic parent

1Sharon:
Your point was a false equivalence. It's not an opinion, it's the truth.

Sing about that to the birds. Get lost.

It means what it says.

1Sharon:
Absolutely not the same sis.

The equivalent would be a woman dumping her man for being an ex or current jigolo.

You're entitled to your opinion. And so am I.

Greystone:
Double standards.
I see no reason why any man should be upset with this.
If a man is into hookup, he should be fine marrying an Olo$ho.
She (the Twitter poster), was absolutely right.
For all those that are wailing, the truth is indeed, very bitter.

Very bitter my dear.

See them old dusties crying and wailing.
45 year old men looking for virgins

Be like say Manchelor Toks2008 dey read wattpad novels... Don't worry, I don't judge

Truvelisback:
Na which guy don break ur heart again?

Your daddy

"specific bank account"
The governor is complicit.
It's like they swear for kogi, Benue, Imo and abia people never ever in their lives to have sensible leaders.

nicerod:
Women are women's enemy

The worst a woman can do is to do hookup or scatter another person's relationship or marriage.
Men will literally kidnap and use their "loved ones" for ritual of they want.

Sweetplum:
It's a fabricated story. Next!

You know it is because...?

Moh247:




Cheap and free education is good, but is it sustainable and won't lecturers go on strike over salaries

Will students get needed desired learning material like their peers in Ghana and Benin republic

Niger Delta Oyel money can do all things but we should diversify before increasing cost of Governance

Sport development fees 3000 for a whole year, Library 2000 for a year

Hope Computer science students would get a 3gb RAM, 500gb fast processor to learn Python and Java or it's just going to be manual and photocopied nonsense

Will nurses get syringe and real tools or it's all man for himself

Adeleke University 1m, Baze University by Datti 1.5, Atiku's ABTI 2.5m, Obasanjo's University 2m, we know who sponsors ASUU strike but let's keep kidding


.

Donate your tears here

I missed this.
The founder is so fineeee!

She looks so fine.
Deebee of the Most High God.

Geovanni412:
Men can bond with their wives regardless of the number of partners they have. Men have sex without falling in love or feeling emotional about it. A guy can have sex with a girl and realise afterwards that he never liked her. That is what we call post-nut clarity. Dedicating his finances to that habit is laughable. Otedola is not broke and none of our bigwig politicians that patronise hookup girls is broke. - https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-4068582/Toronto-sisters-arrested-attempting-extort-Nigerian-billionaire-claiming-evidence-having-affair.html. Remember that hookup girls extends to our nollywood 'actresses' and young university 'runs girls'.
Sexual satisfaction is never guaranteed between a man and a woman. No woman can satisfy a man sexually enough for him not to cheat. The same can be said about women. Even Pastors have been known to cheat on their wives.
Peace of mind is a function of the woman's expectations from the man. Happiness comes from within. How do you expect to marry a billionaire and you want him to be faithful to only you? Reason am, na . There are 100's of girls that want him. If he chooses you as a wife, he takes care of your children , gives you reasonable attention but cheats once in awhile - accept ya package as it is. 1000 women were willing to share Solomon yet you wion't allow guyman have 2-3 sidechicks .

Please go and cry to your mummy.

Lannister360:
You women keep trying to compare yourself with a man, you forget that the man is responsible for incurring the cost of the marriage which in this current day economy, runs into millions.

He is the one sponsoring the marriage, and after then, he will feed and cloth and shelter you for the rest of your life, while you stay at home watching telemundo and African magic. A man chooses, not you, a man who patronise olosho has the right to marry a decent girl.

On the other hand, you women are going to be fed and clothed and sheltered for the rest of your life for doing NOTHING. The least you can do is to come into the marriage with your Virginity and dignity intact. We are the ones buying women, no one wants to buy an over used cloth when he can get a brand new tear rubber cloth for the same amount

Son of a bond woman, sorry, bought woman.

Why do we enjoy taking pictures or videos of people in their vulnerable moments?

I pray God comforts her and the entire family.
And I pray she finds true love again.

Lies and more lies.
One day the northerners will realise that Igbos were never their problem, rather their religion is.