₦airaland Forum

http://www.businessdayonline.com/NG/index.php/family/23561-its-your-duty-not-mine

[size=20pt] It’s your duty, not mine. [/size]

Friday, 24 June 2011 00:00 Elizabeth Oghale Ughoro    .While some men do not fancy the idea of sharing household chores with their wives, others do. In this report, Elizabeth Oghale Ughoro looks at the place of androgynous parenting in today’s homes

Lucy is a beautiful, hardworking, married career woman with three children. Due to her kind of work, she leaves home early in the morning and returns late in the evening, about two hours after her Dele, her husband.

Dele is a loving father and wonderful husband, who due to his background, does not see anything wrong in waiting for his wife to come back from work and start cooking dinner for the family, as far as he is concerned, he can’t just cook, even though he can.

For him, such an endeavour is not just befitting for a man. It is a woman’s job. And taking care of the home, including cooking, is solely his wife’s responsibility.

Traditionally, women are the primary care givers in their homes; they cook, clean, tend to the children and husbands, and ensure proper running of their homes; while the husbands are primarily responsible for providing financially to the family. But today, due to western influence, things have changed. Women no longer stay homes from dusk to dawn, taking care of their homes; more women now contribute, sometimes even more than the husbands. Women now have professional careers, which not only enables them to contribute financially to their homes, but also reduces the amount of time they spend at home.

If a husband and wife have to both contribute in the home and earn a living by going out in the morning and returning in the evening, would it not be totally right to share house chores too, like cooking for instance, instead of leaving the running of the home entirely to the woman, even the upbringing of children?

Adebola Okorie, an accountant and mother of two, feels that society’s canons are not fair to married women, but feels that “The pressure society puts on women is unbelievable: you are pressured into get married, and when you do, it is very difficult because you have to work and take care of the home at the same time. But then It would not hurt if men were more understanding and help out with the housekeeping too,” she says.

Similarly, Eunice Pratt, a lawyer and mother of two, believes housekeeping duties should not be the job of a wife alone.

“I have a demanding job; I even work longer hours, and I know how difficult it is, so I ensuring that everything is in place. My husband is very understanding; he helps around the house and even prepares dinner whenever he knows that I’ll be home late.

“Doing that does not mean he is weak; it only shows that he is caring and understanding.”

However, some men do not agree with hare household chores with their wives. How many men even know how to change their baby’s diapers or even bathe them? Will such a man be a weakling if he helps out regularly around the house? A man who spoke on condition of anonymity, says “The reason a woman will expect her husband to do her duties in the house is as a result of the useless notion of feminism, which is a serious disease that is eating up many African women, making them feel that they are equal to men. Why else would a woman have the guts to ask her husband to go into the kitchen and cook? I am a typical African man, and feminism is totally against the African culture,” he stresses.

Emmanuel Igho is married with three children, and speaks from a biblical perspective when explaining the place of a woman in the home: “How can a man do the work of a woman? Even the Bible says that women should take care of their homes, just like the story of the virtuous woman.

“Wives of nowadays feel that they have to work, so because they want to contribute to their family’s income, they should ignore their primary duties at home?”

But on the contrary, Taiwo Adekunle feels that many Nigerian men use tradition and culture as an excuse not to help their wives out.

For him, “It is high time Nigerian men realise that women are not slaves, and should not be treated as such. A man is not weakling for helping out around the house; in fact; only a weak man would not.”

Michael Badmus, a psychologist, feels that “Sharing household responsibilities among married couples can make them closer, and thereby strengthen their marriage. It will show just how much they care for, and understand each other; it will also go a long way in reducing the divorce rate in the country which seems to be on the increase.”

A research also shows that for every extra hour of housework men did, their risk of divorce decreased by 51 percent, as husbands who shared household chores with their wives, led a fairly happy domestic life.



In his book, Fatherhood, Bill Cosby writes about his personal experience as a father.

In the book, he stresses that other than breastfeeding and getting pregnant, fathers can do virtually everything wives do. He sees nothing wrong with a man preparing breakfast for the whole family with his wife in bed.

The toll of modern day living is hard on many families, especially children. Even before the global recession, many families found it difficult to get by. More women are largely supplementing the family income; some women even earn more than their husbands. Would it then be out of place if such were a little more supportive?

Some women are capable of handling the pressure of waking up at 4am, prepare breakfast, lunch and dinner, while maintaining a 10-hour shift; some women can also leave home very early for their shops and return after dark to cook dinner and bathe their kids, but not all women can.

Some families can afford nannies and house helps, but having nannies and house helps are not the realities of a typical Nigerian family; it is more of struggling to make ends meet. Hard as it may seem for some men to believe, it may be very difficult for a woman to cope with a crying baby; dirty laundry, dirty dishes, and homework on a weekend that she is supposed to rest, while her husband does nothing, but sit on the sitting room couch, watching sports all day.

As Michael Badmus says, skewed role-sharing in homes, especially between married couples may not be healthy for a marriage. A man cooking dinner for his wife before she comes home from work does not make him a weakling. Some men have said that women should get jobs that would not keep them away from their “wifely and motherly” duties, but not every wife is lucky enough to get well-paying jobs that will allow them to leave to close from work early enough to get home and be the loving women their husbands married; the truth of the matter is that women have to work.

As Adebola Okorie says, “Nigerian men should become house husbands and working fathers for a change; let’s see how manly they will be afterwards.”

Gosh! 2 more hours to close. . . Yippppeeee!!!!

If any man starts getting jealous of my progress, he gets kicked to the curb ASAP.
For one, my personality is waaaaaaaaaaay to strong to be dominated by ANY man.
So, this is a reflective topic.
I have seen a lot of Nigerian men beat/kill their wives out of jealousy.
The most recent case of Titi Arowolo comes to mind.
When a woman is progressing, does the man not benefit?

This happens all over the world, especially in societies dominated by male chauvinists with 'Sharia-Chrislamic' mentalities who believe women have "designated" roles like men.

Why is it that when a Nigerian woman is succeeding and filling the 'bread-winning' role of a home a typical 'bush' Nigerian man is not happy, especially if the man is the jobless one?

Why can't all Nigerian couples be like Omotola Jalade and Mathew Ekeinde?

I am looking for role models of Nigerian men who support their wives.

My husband used to be like that, but has since learned a lot from the American culture. He stays employed and does not bother with my paychecks(not that he can reach them anyhoo). He is supportive of my decisions in what I choose to do with or without him. He does NOT cater to gossip about me or our family members.

Just to keep the 'busy-bodies' informed so they do no think this thread is about me.

I work with a lot of Nigerian women and the story is the same. I know a lot of Nigerian families with women who do not feel that their husbands are supportive them.

My role models?

The winner is Omotola Jalade and Mathew Ekeinde.

I love the way this couple work with each other.

He died of natural causes.
After phocking 4 wives and 29 concubines. . .fathering over 2000 children in less than 70 years. . . . .
Why would anyone ask such a question?

Ogun State?
Heh!
I hope they have learned to stay away from anything IJEBU-SITE!!!
That na "Abia" state of Western Nigeria o.
Anything can fit to happen without any '[b]SSS[/b]planations'.

Make them check to see if dem kidneys and livers still dey for them bodies o.

They have to summon their wives for questioning too.

Those "Ogun" women too like to h-answer 'widow' for fashion while phocking other men on/offline.

Hmmm!

MandingoII:
Damn beyotch!!!!

Nnegi na nnagi!

you take it to a new LOW-LEVEL.

I know you grateful you do not have black blood in you.

Very grateful. Thanks to my "AMBI" cream.(Africa Must Be Improved)

Those ALL BLACK Africans that you speak about BUILT America.

It was they who made amerikkka attractive for the onslaught of immigration that Amerikka now have.

Thank Black Africans for building enough jails to keep their smelly behinds within. Enough for one in ten Black Africans to be permanent residents in county jails.

Barack Obama's father was a GENIUS.  He just had a DRINKING & WOMANIZING PROBLEM.

Moreover, HE WAS A BETTER MAN THAN YOU!!!!

Sho yo right. A genius in jumping rom pooshie to poohsie without shame.

He was Smart, articulate, and Degreed!

Very smart, articulate and DEGREED! In concentrating only on gullible white women who wanted to go and see African lions.

Thank God he never brought his skanky behind to any Black Woman. . .except the one he left pregnant at 18, before he got some white women to suck his useless, African "MANDINGO-FEVER" of a de-eek! Degreed in harlotry of course. Kenyan Man Ashewo who abandoned ALL his children to keep pursuing white totos all over North America! Only to end up back in Kenya as a drunken amputee with no legs. The third leg shouda been cut off before Diabetes Melitus got a hold of it. What a louse!
No sane black women would have looked in his direction for sure.
Wetin woman wan use man wey resemble "NATTY" for "The New Masquerade" do for Chrissakes?

Thank God for Barack's white heritage. Barack would have ended up like OJ Simpson or Michael Vick for sure. Twa!

This colonial mentalists of the UK have come again?
Do they ever mind their business?
HSMP program don fail, it is time to now do the 'scramble and partition' of Libya?
Anything to feed that docile and redundant monarchy of theirs. . .including that their timber-legged Queen wey nor gree quench!

Abeg make im quench if e wan quench make we hia word.
Why waste money on a vegetable that should gave turned 'manure' by now?

[size=20pt]BOKO-MASSOB!!! [/size]

Mu he he he he



Welcome to 'almajiris' of Eastern Nigeria.

I don't see anything bad with the policies.
Anyhoo, not my business.
I only bank with Bank of America.
If you can buy forex from Mallams on the streets of Nigeria, you are practicing Islamic banking!
If you do not like it. . .DON'T PATRONIZE THEM.
Simple!
Stick with your Christianic Banking.

To those complaining. . . .Abeg make we hia word!

tpia@:
feel free to fart, sh!!t or whatever on this thread and curse whoever you feel like cursing here, instead of constantly derailing other threads.

your wife[b] blazay[/b] can also join you.

Look at this mega-thread derailer.
When are you gonna marry ya own NL husband at least. . .as consolation price?
Ogun a gbu eh!
Gbe erah!
Gbe iyuweh!
Aloko!

C'mon take that name out of your stoopid finger tips!

BABEELOVE too!

4 solid years on NL with over 70,000 posts and over 100 monikers. Yet to phock one single peh-nis on this sweeeeet website. God where did I go wrong?


Where are the "cowardly, WOR-WOR, un-phockable", (h)-enemies? 
Una don taya?

Abi the IKEBE don MAZZZMARRRRIZZZZE una to a permanent condition of everlasting SHATTTAP?

Mu he he he he he


I am bored o!
I need a gooooood fight.
Any other bold and or BOGUS polymonikering, cyber riff-raff?


Oh Jes O!
Still very much alive.
Undisputed heavy-weight champion of cyber world. 
One-Woman-Gang!
Mwaaaaaah.

Una don do una worst finish?

Mu he he he he

My "heavenly" feelings are as PAWAFOO as eva!

Diarrrrris pawa and diarrrrris SUPA PAWA.

Still the same today, yesterday and foreva!!!!

If you smasha ma car, I basha ya UGLY face.


Off to Nigeria.

ZE:
lol !!

chintua is voicing out her greviances. she must have had it rough with men.

[size=20pt]5th husband [/size] and still counting. with ese, onome, orobosa,ufuma etc from different men.

chei !!!!

What ever!
At least I keep 'acquiring' them.
5th husband ko. Who wanno marry a God-forsaking Naija man 5 times?
Tufiakwa. You think say I nor like my freedom and sanity?
I have it good with men darling. . . .and I don't have to MARRY them.
Does my fine 'ikebe' look like it has had it 'rough' with men?
The reason I can discuss relationship topics without pretending that YOU are in a relationship.
Only when you are in one can you address 'relationship' issues.
Now go back to the 'hole' in your mattres.

hackney:
We  (chintua et al) are forgetting that the modern independent woman has no place for a man in her life.

She still has the strong natural urge to have at least one child so what does she do? she lures a good specimen of the opposite sex,
has a child or two and then breaks the relationship. (JLO , courtney cox, madonna, etc. the list is endless)

I know countless women that want to have a child without the inconvinience of shacking up with a man.

The new breed of women want a child and also the freedom to choose sex partners which means no permanent partner.

Those single nollywood women have always wanted to go back to singledom and jump at the first reasonable excuse.

The new women are like men.

Chintua has her own account, has 5 men she casually has sex with and cant wait for her marriage to crash.

[size=18pt]welcome to the new woman.[/size]

May I remind you that all the women you mentioned above went into marriages to STAY THERE.
The men broke the contracts.

Case in point!


http://www.thesuperficial.com/marc-anthony-cheated-stewardess-jennifer-lopez-07-2011

[size=20pt] Marc Anthony Cheated on Jennifer Lopez With a Stewardess
[/size]

So please, stop slandering J-LO!
The men were the ones with the mental problems.
Relationship nor be by force.
The men did not want the relatinship. . . .SHE SIMPLY MOVED ON.

At least, she don try white man(Ben Afleck). . .she don try black man(P-Diddy). . .then her own Latino race(Marc 'ashewo' Anthony). . . ALL USELESS!!!!

Please stop mis-representing the feminist dogma of what relationship ought to be. Women NEED man alright. . .but not USELESS MEN!!!
Thank you!!!

Da Doctor:
EXACTLY WHAT GOD WILL GIVE YOU! WHAT YOU DESIRE! MODERN DAY GAL, WALK OUT IF U LIKE AND GIVE your PUNNY TO YOUNG GUYS TO SAMPLE INTERMITTENTLY. DOESNT BOTHER ME AT ALL AT ALL.

AND I BET U SHE MAY NOT BE A GOOD WIFE MATERIAL, !!

NICE WORD FROM A LADY. PLS TELL THEM. DONT GO IN IF YOU KNOW U CANT STAY PUT. LOOK BEFORE YOU LEAP. LOOK VERY VERY CLEARLY AND PRAY HARDEST TOO. THEN BE TOLERABLE AND PATIENT. WE ARE TIRED OF DIVORCESS ALL AROUND THE CORNER

You are taking this waaaaaaaaaaaaaay to personal.
This is supposed to be a 'discussion' forum where you can vent without "Christian" persecution.
Unfortunately, MOST of you turn EVERY thread into your personal grievances with GOD for making you in his own image and likeness.
You sound very confused.
What have you written in this your post that I have not already written?
Divorce is meant as a last ditch effort of irreconciliable differences.
Whether I am a 'good wife material' or not. . .irrelevant. A man has already attached his name to my fathers name.
Giving 'puny' to old or young men. . .my sweeeeeeeeeet choice.
Not everyone is in a 'Sharia' Nigerian Christian or Muslim marriage.
Stop derailing your own thread.

It is obvious that you live in an extremely hazardous, MALE chauvinistic and sexist world.
The VERY reason women will continue to flea to THE SANCTUARY OF DIVORCE.
Thank GOd for choices.

I absolutely adore Lady Gaga.
Not just for her talent, but because she does not give a half a damn or two about what the world thinks about her.

We are we not surprised?

He makes me proud too!
Always believed Northerners are a better breed of Nigerians,
Even at their worst.
I prefer doing business with them.
Funny, I lamented when Soludo was replaced by Sanusi.

I am now glad Sanusi prevailed.

What a fine gentleman.
Very polished.

I am a Nigerian by birth and an American by choice.
Who wanno associate with failures?
Damn right! This diasporean ain't investing in a shyte-hole.
Let the dead bury their dead!
Thank you!

Yeeeahhhhhhh!!!!

[size=20pt] LONELY WOMAN MAKE GOOOOOOOOOOOD LOVERS!!!! [/size]




https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xlctU0SYKB4

Are we surprised?

If a woman does not want a man around her, she knows what to do.
Story. . .story? S-T-O-R-Y!
What does the man have to lose? Nothing.
He has the best of both worlds. A wife and a concubine.

Single woman dating a married man=loser!
Why waste her time?
The only reason I would do such a thing is a last-ditch effort to 'carry belle' and be a single parent. . .aka looking for a 'spam-donor'! NOT to be second wife.

She does not need any advice. . . .make she siddon dia make married man take her dey relieve marital stress.
She go soon grow grey bia-bia for nyansh dey do 'concubine'!

Shioooooooooor!!!

she cries for God's help. to take the guy away from her.

No kiddin'!


Mu he he he he he

Yeaah!!!


"Please Don't Be Angry". . . Donna Fargo.



https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dBrz8TBsq4w

Your guess is as good as mine.
Only God knows what has been going on in that Africa/Nigeria of a place before the advent of the media.

IBADAN—A 65 –year old retired soldier, Ayinla Isiaka, is currently telling the Oyo State Police Command his level of involvement in the alleged Inbreeding with his 12-year-old daughter (name withheld), even as, a 23-year-old nursing mother, Bose Lateef, has been arrested for allegedly murdering her seven-month-old baby.

Oh well.
Since the same ailments plague both white and black peeps, I think I will take my chances with the white peeps!

http://www.sunnewsonline.com/webpage, 02-2009-06.htm

[size=20pt]On dating other men[/size]


[size=20pt]Yes, I had dated other men before I met my husband. And I still dated other men while with him and he never stopped me from dating them. [/size] We had a very comfortable relationship and no pressure from anywhere.

Thank you jare. If dem wan quench, make dem quench.
If no barry see 'kola' for ya mouth, no confess anything.

On love advances
I have never dated anybody in the industry. I do get love advances and I just enjoy it, I am a girl. I don’t have to be people’s enemies because I am married. Most of these men end up being friends with me. People will always say whatever they want to say If you know that a guy wanted to date me and suddenly we are friends and that means we are going out. That is your problem. If you think we are dating Yes we are, eat your heart out. Yes I do flirt for a while, every girl flirts. I let you know you are just a toy just an amusing thing. I might just enjoy taking your calls but the minute I am irritated I just stop taking your calls.

You go gal!

On what keeps her marriage going
It’s God. For me when I met him it wasn’t love at first sight. But he said it was love for him. But even then before we got married he told me he prayed about it. According to him he had to submit the names of the girls he was dating then to pastors so they could pray about it to know who is the right girl for him. [size=20pt]We are not interested in friends We don’t have friends that influence our lives.[/size] We don’t make it a must to hang out with friends. I don’t discus him with friends and the same applies to him. He does not discuss me with anybody even his parent to the best of my knowledge.

1 million gbosas for you.
The key to any successful marriage.
Keep friends ourra ya marriage.
So-called friends. . .close your ears to gossip.

Run Fowwest, RRRRRRRRUN!!!
Na Naija man work be dat o!
My sistah, thank God for your life.

Did not know she was married to a Yoruba man o.
Lagos bobo for that matter, with all the LAGIDI(AGIDI) civilization.
Just wondering if wife-beating is the only legacy his father left him. . .that is:
If he ever had a father to teach him right.
He must have leant that from his father for sure.