₦airaland Forum

9 Steps To Banish Insecurity And Develop Self-Confidence

Have you ever felt like you’re stuck in a job you don’t like and can’t seem to get yourself out of the situation? That’s what happened to a reader, who felt that her lack of self-confidence was holding her back.

Question from a Reader: “How can I gain self-confidence? I’m smart and intelligent, I always have solutions for things at work and people keep telling me I’m good at what I do, but I don’t have confidence. I’m stuck in a job that doesn’t pay well just because I don’t have confidence. What can I do to change that?”

Lisa’s Response: The difficult part about trying to gain self-confidence is that before that can happen, you must dig deep, reflect on yourself and your life, and analyze the reasons why you feel like you lack confidence.

For example, in a recent blog, I wrote about a client who was unintentionally sabotaging her chances for a promotion because of her negative self-talk. After documenting each time she had a negative thought about herself and reflecting on these situations, she realized that her internal negativity had been demotivating her and causing her to give up on her career dreams.

A similar situation might be occurring with you, so the best way to determine what’s happening and how to overcome it is to analyze yourself and your feelings. Here’s what I mean:

Make a list of all your skills and positive attributes. What are you good at in your job or are skills you have that you’d like to use? You mentioned that your coworkers have said you’re good at what you do and you wrote that you’re smart, intelligent and always have solutions for problems at work. Other people think you’re great, so brainstorm and write down all your positive qualities.


Think about how you gained these skills and attributes. Did you acquire the knowledge on the job, through your education, from reading a book or from another source? Consider where you gained the skills and how these attributes have helped you be successful in your current job and in past jobs.

Write down all the major challenges you’ve overcome in your life. And, include why you were able to overcome each obstacle. Was it due to your perseverance, to your ability to think through situations and analyze them, to your understanding or knowledge of the topic?

Write down your feelings and thoughts about yourself. Do you believe you’re worthy of having a job you enjoy that also pays well? Do you feel good about the skills and knowledge you’ve acquired so far in your life? Do you see yourself as competent and capable in your current job?

Consider what might be holding you back. Write down a list of all the incidents or times when you don’t feel confident or where someone says something that makes you question your skills or abilities. This list might also contain situations from childhood where something happened that made you question yourself or feel insecure or unsure. Also consider if your own internal negativity might be holding you back. For example, do you unintentionally sabotage yourself with negative thoughts whenever you consider looking for a different job?

Orient yourself to the future by creating a career development plan. Determine the next job you’d like to have and conduct research to find job postings for that job or similar jobs. Analyze the job requirements – what knowledge and skills will you need to successfully accomplish the job? Conduct a gap analysis by comparing each requirement to your own skills, knowledge, experience, education and certifications. Then, determine ways to overcome each gap.

Obtain feedback. Seek out others who are successful in the job you want and ask them to a coffee chat. Let the person know you’re interested in a similar job in the future and would like their feedback. Walk them through where you are today, the job you want, your gap analysis and your career development plan. Then obtain their advice. Does your plan include everything they think you’ll need to be successful in a job like theirs? Are their any other skills or attributes they feel were necessary for them to be successful in their job?


Create a support network. It’s always easier to achieve career goals when you surround yourself with people who will support your efforts. So look around and find family members, friends and helpful coworkers with whom you can share your career goals – and then ask for their support and encouragement.

If possible, find career mentors. Good mentors can be found in a variety of places, such as your current workplace, business associations in your area, non-profit organizations, your college or university career center, church groups and even community groups such as business chambers of commerce.

Overcoming self-doubt and getting to the point where you’re confident in yourself won’t be an immediate, magical occurrence that will happen like waving a magic wand. It will take time and self-analysis to, slowly but surely, learn to like yourself, believe you are worthy, forgive yourself for past mistakes, and finally – learn to love and accept yourself. It’s a journey that will eventually lead you to self-confidence. Best wishes and bon voyage!

20 Common Habits Successful People Consciously Reject

1. They Don’t Define Success With Money.
Most successful people define their success with happiness, inner peace, and positive contributions – more than money. Being financially secure certainly can help open opportunities, relieve stress, and offer some piece of mind. But successful people realize that all the money in the world cannot make you happy if you are unable to feel happiness from within.

2. They Don’t Start Their Day Without a Purpose or a Plan.
Not only do successful people have crystal clear short and long-term goals, they also know exactly what they must accomplish each day to feel fulfilled as well as bring them closer to their goals. They also take full advantage of the “Golden Hour” which is the first hour after you wake up in the morning. What you do mentally, physically, and spiritually during this first hour, sets the tone for the entire day.

3. They Don’t Set Perfection as a Goal.
Successful people practice progress over perfection. The danger in focusing on perfection is, you become so consumed in finding imperfections to fix, you will have little or nothing to show for in the end except unfinished, imperfect work. By understanding it’s not about achieving one perfect goal, but the skills you develop from reaching several goals, you allow yourself to make constant improvements while living a life of accomplishments you can learn from and be proud of.

4. They Don’t Surround Themselves With Negative People.
There is energy in everything, and that includes human beings. As such, it’s fairly easy to absorb negative energy when you are around toxic people who are always complaining, procrastinating, and making excuses. Instead, successful people surround themselves with other positive and proactive people who inspire them to achieve great things and live full out.

5. They Don’t Focus on the Negatives.
Successful people don’t entertain self-defeating negative thoughts. When faced with difficulties, they’re quick to identify the benefits from the experience and remind themselves they’ve successfully overcome many hurdles before, so they can certainly overcome it again. Successful people don’t focus on what “could” go wrong, but on what they must do to succeed, as well as the lessons they will gain from the experience to help improve their lives.

6. They Don’t Dwell on Failures.
Successful people accept that failure is an essential part of growth. They look at these bumps as opportunities to learn, grow, and become even better for an even bigger win ahead! They know that no matter how many times you’re knocked down, as long as you get right back up and use your new strength and knowledge to improve, you haven’t really failed.

7. They Don’t Dwell in Problems
When you focus on the problems you’re facing, your behavior agrees with the resulting stress, hindering your progress while bringing on even more problems. However, focusing on actions to better your current situation produce clarity and positive thoughts, opening you to the possibilities of new solutions. Successful people don’t dwell on problems. They quickly process any negative feelings and move on, because they know they’re most effective when they focus on solutions.

8. They Don’t Concern Themselves With How Others Judge Them.
Successful people do not base their worth on how others think of them because they’ve set their own values, goals, and principles without having to depend on anyone to validate them. Everyone sees through eyes of personal life experience and individual interpretation. As such, successful people understand that when someone makes a judgement about you or your life, it doesn’t make it a reality unless you agree with it.

9. They Don’t Make Excuses.
Successful people are proactive – they get things done. While they realize outside forces may interrupt their flow, successful people take full responsibility for the attitude they choose in situations over which they have no control. They look forward to the pleasure and benefits of accomplishing their daily tasks and life goals and they do whatever it takes to avoid the pain of falling through and giving up success.

10. They Don’t Get Jealous Over Other People’s Victories.
Successful people believe that there is enough supply of “wins” for everyone. They know that the more successful and happy people there are on our planet, the stronger, more positive energy our world will be filled with. If another person succeeds at something they have not yet been able to achieve, successful people show gratitude for their win because it can now serve as added motivation for them to reach that goal as well!

11. They Don’t Take Their Loved Ones for Granted.
Successful people agree that work is important, but never as important as experiencing life with the people you love most. Success starts from within, so make time to give your undivided attention to those who mean most to you – including yourself!

12. They Don’t Underestimate the Power of Fun.
What’s the point of all the hustle if you’re always left feeling exhausted and frustrated? Successful people know how to relax and have fun. They know the importance of taking breaks to recharge their batteries by enjoying all that they have in their life right now.

13. They Don’t Neglect Their Health.
With good health comes the freedom and energy to fully enjoy one’s life. Successful people are aware that unless they’re mentally, physically, and emotionally healthy, they cannot perform at their very best when serving those who count on them.

14. They Don’t Set Blurry Goals
Successful people set clear, specific, and measurable goals. Knowing exactly what you want to achieve keeps you motivated until you get there, and crafting a clear plan of action helps declutter your thoughts and relieve some stress as you move towards the results you want. Having clear goals and actions also allows you to measure how far you’ve come and how much more you have to go, so you’re not left wondering when you’re supposed to begin seeing some results.

15. They Don’t Make Flimsy Decisions
Successful people decide what they want, then burn the boat. Once they make a decision, they set their minds to do whatever it takes to make it happen. This habit also helps build confidence in a person by proving to themselves that they’re dependable and have the ability and drive to make things happen just as they said they would.

16. They Don’t Allow Themselves To Be Victimized
When affected by someone else’s poor choices, successful people quickly process any negative thoughts and feelings, then choose to free themselves from the damaging energy by forgiving and letting go. They place a high importance to their right to happiness and inner peace, and understand they have complete control of their thoughts and actions, and ultimately responsible for their own happiness and victories.

17. They Don’t Live in the Past
Successful people realize the past has already happened and that moment no longer exist. If you keep dwelling in what was, you will be unable to fully be present for what is, thus negatively affecting what’s to come. If you suffered in the past, try to recognize that you are here today, and you are OK. Your past does not define you or limit what is possible for you to achieve from this moment on. Practice your freedom and power to proactively design a better future that you so deserve.

18. They Don’t Resist Change
Plans, strategies or tactics might change, but instead of getting upset and frustrated, successful people quickly shift paths because they know there is more than one way to reach their goal.

19. They Don’t Stop Learning
Successful people have mentors or coaches to inspire and motivate them when challenged, and keep them accountable to their decisions and goals. They are always learning and keep themselves open to making improvements in themselves and their lives.

20. They Don’t End The Day Without Giving Thanks.
Successful people are grateful for both the big and small blessings in their lives. Reflecting on the positive things from each day before going to bed can boost your mood, motivate you to keep going, and help you unwind.

10 Lists to Keep If You Want to Be Successful

1. List of Goals

“What you get by achieving your goals is not as important as what you become by achieving your goals.”

—Zig Ziglar

Goals and ambition is what drives us and motivates us, but we need to ask ourselves what is it that we want in order to feel truly accomplished. Your list of goals should consists of all the items that you deem are necessary to truly respect yourself. It can be financial stability, a place you can call your own, starting your family, being independent, etc. People have different criteria when it comes to goals, and this list in particular is ever-growing; it changes as you mature, but it always feels great when you cross something out of it. Without such a list, you lose direction of where your life is heading, and we all need some inner guidance to focus on—a good reason to get up in the morning.

2. List of Tasks

“Happiness does not come from doing easy work but from the afterglow of satisfaction that comes after the achievement of a difficult task that demanded our best.”

—Theodore Isaac Rubin

Tasks are actually milestones on the road to goal completion, and these lists have a tendency to become quite copious. New tasks emerge on a daily basis, regardless of whether you are an employee, a student, or a freelancer. Despite the fact that they are arduous, we always have some sense of achievement once the task is complete, or when a certain problem is solved. By avoiding to make such lists and lists of our daily tasks, they’ll simply pile up and eventually become a hindrance.

In the event you have larger tasks that need more than a day, a week or a month before they can be completed, then break those tasks into smaller daily assignments, and put them on the list as well. As long as you monitor larger tasks while completing minor daily milestones, you will have a greater grip on progression and continuous source of motivation. List and sticky notes are actually quite potent tools for increase in productivity, especially while we are working from home.

Lastly, it is worth mentioning that you should also have a list of personal tasks, or tasks you do for the sake of self-fulfillment. These are related to your personal goals, and governing passions—writing a book, painting, crafting etc. These tasks will define you and offer a much greater sense of achievement, so give it your all to create something you can be proud of.

3. List of Contacts

“Wishing to be friends is quick work, but friendship is a slow ripening fruit.”

—Aristotle

It would be delusional to assume you can make it all on your own; however, at the same time, a flawed partnership can result in disastrous outcome as well. It is extremely difficult to find compatible allies and contacts, since friends and family—in other words, people close to you—may not be the best choice for a business partner. If you want to enter into a partnership with someone, make sure the person shares the same vision. Tread lightly and try to ascertain your potential partner’s level of reliability.

Throughout life, we come across skillful, capable and talented people, whose competence might be needed in the future, depending on your line of work of course. Do not be hesitant to offer a helping hand when they are in need, since you can gain a valuable contact. The point being: make a special list of all important contacts, like reliable programmers, handymen, lawyers, etc. Remember not to only reach out when you are in need. You need to maintain a healthy and natural relationship and be there for those people if they require your assistance. Truth be told, it can be arduous to forge strong friendship bonds, but having important acquaintances and becoming an important acquaintance is very much possible.

Without such a list, you are leaving yourself vulnerable to possible future complications; moreover, make sure this list is well-kept since once you lose a contact like this one, it can be somewhat troublesome to recover such data. Just be sure you have recovery data tools at your disposal to mitigate the damage if something were to happen to your phone.

4. List of Expenses

“A wise person should have money in their head, but not in their heart.”

—Jonathan Swift

This may be a quite mundane piece of advice, yet it is very often neglected. As we all know, there are two types of expenses: those that are necessary, (bills, taxes, food) and those expenditures used for indulging some personal cravings. There is a degree of restraint that the majority of us lack in order to approach the matter with a satisfying level of prudence. To say it bluntly, we treat our wants like our needs, and necessities and primary obligations are pushed in the background. Of course, this may sound a bit exaggerated, but the truth is the pressure of a consumer’s culture eventually becomes overwhelming, resulting in a purchase we shouldn’t be able to afford at the time. This kind of behavior can be avoided by utilizing lists, and turning them into an omnipresent reminder of what is truly important.

By making lists of all the monthly expenses we are obligated to pay, we’ll have a clear overview with how much resources are there at our disposal. On the other hand, without this list filled with meticulous calculations, we are prone to believing that we have more freedom to engage in a shopping spree, ultimately causing our bills to pile up; thus, we end up a step closer to a financial suicide. Handling finances properly, or the fact that we prioritize the costs of living, is a responsibility that signifies maturity. Success is commonly measured by the amount of wealth and without adequate spending tactics, you prevent its accumulation.

5. List of Useful Tools

“If you’re the type of person who has to fulfill your dreams, you’ve got to be resourceful to make sure you can do it.”

—Vin Diesel

Today’s society vastly depends on the use of technology—we exchange information, conduct calculations, measure time, etc. This level of reliability also suggests liability. If something were to happen to our cell phone or personal computer, it would be a sizable setback that could harm our capabilities severely. As mentioned, losing contacts can truly be troublesome. It is even worse however, to have your life’s work lost and compromised.

Useful tools are not only limited to recovering damage; they also encompass tools that make your job easier. With efficiency and a greater level of competence, you are a step closer toward success. Using the right apps and tools can make up for our lack of skills in a particular area, or simply help us manage our work in a more timely manner. Keeping a list of useful tools will come in handy whenever you are faced with more common problems, like finding a good restaurant for a business dinner, driving through unfamiliar terrain, task management, learning, and there are even tools capable of helping you recover stolen property.

Even though the list is not as crucial as the ones mentioned so far, it is undeniable that having it can save you a lot of time if the need for it ever arises. The Internet is a vast sea of both useful and useless tools, and by filtering out those that are irrelevant, you won’t have to conduct countless searches when you are in need of adequate tools for problem solving.

6. List of Self Improvements

“The minute that you’re not learning I believe you’re dead.”

—Jack Nicholson

Reasonable to assume this one is unavoidable, and it always deserves to be mentioned. It is safe to assume we are all aware of our shortcomings; if not all of them at least some of them. Think about yourself, make a list of all the things you would like to improve or change, then consider how to implement those changes. Despite the fact that those who are close to you do not pressure you into changing or improving, you should always make constant endeavours to do so, for your own sake.

The list of improvements should consist of physical changes, changes spiritual in nature, abandoning bad habits etc. No one expects you to change entirely in a short time period, but making a decision to change one thing on a yearly basis is a viable resolution, quite easy to execute. The list is there simply to remind you which improvement to prioritize, and build up your confidence after each completion. Refusing to change can either result in lack of confidence and depression, or becoming an overconfident and self-absorbed person that no one will tolerate for long; both of these traits are contradictory to your quest for a successful future.

7. List of Creative Ideas

“Do not go where the path may lead, go instead where there is no path and leave a trail.”

—Waldo Emerson

Throughout history, people who made the most significant impact on the world were those with a revolutionary way of thinking, those who dared to challenge the established order and alter the status quo. For an idea to be classified as creative, it needs to be new, it needs to make sense, and it needs to have some sort of use. For example, creating something to help the disabled communicate online, or simply type—that way, people who have lost their limbs could blog or become creative writers, and show the world a piece of their mind. Thus a keyboard in a form of braces could enable them to type using their tongue; however I am not an engineer, so I do not know whether something like this is possible.

Whenever a new idea comes to your mind write it down, then browse the web to see if you indeed have stumbled upon something ground-breaking. Once your list has grown, then you need to start pondering on the subject to see whether it holds closer scrutiny. Ask for a second opinion and see what you would need to realize your idea. In a majority of cases, this is how successful people are created. Rest assured that it is very possible that people won’t be impressed with your creativity as much as you are, but do not allow yourself to be discouraged—after all, perseverance has a crucial role in a career as well. Monitoring your thoughts incites productive thinking and hones your focus; it keeps our mind occupied. Letting your good ideas slide is only a wasted potential that will put your progress in a halt.

8. List of Future Plans

“The future is uncertain but the end is always near.”

―Jim Morrison

We have all heard statements like “Tomorrow is a mystery,” “Live for today,” and “You can’t affect the future.” Personally, I heavily disagree with such a point of view. Although I do agree that, in particular circumstances, making plans for the future is doing Sisyphus work, not planning it at all seems utterly mortifying. I also believe that everyone makes some sort of plan; the problem is this fear of uncertainty that thwarts our will to act.

To make your resolve more adamant, compile a list of your future plans, see what you need in order to make them come true. This one is very similar to the first list—the one with goals; the difference is, it does not have to involve your personal future. Rather, it is list of upcoming important events, important changes in law, or upcoming trends, useful software, etc. It will keep you well-informed and prepared, since staying updated and relevant are essential virtues for lucrative businessmen.

9. List of Contingency Plans

“You pray for rain, you gotta deal with the mud too. That’s a part of it.”

—Denzel Washington

Every action has an equal and opposite reaction, meaning there is nothing you can do without consequences. Every attempt to be more successful usually has a set of barriers attached to it, or risks. Even though risks are inevitable, being prepared for the aftermath is always a good and necessary thing. When you plan your business incentives, or when you plan to invest in something, make sure you compose a thorough pros and cons list, as well as a list of possible negative scenarios. In the event that positive aspects outweigh the negative ones, you can be more encouraged to proceed further.

Make an effort to be constantly prepared for the backlash of major initiatives, and contain the possible damage. The lack of contingency implies recklessness, and it was adamantly made clear how this approach contradicts advancement. Make leaps of faith only when you have no other options to explore.

10. Bucket List

“The bitterest tears shed over graves are for words left unsaid and for deeds left undone.”

—Harriet Beecher Stowe

Finally, learn to live for the sake of experiencing what life has to offer. It is invigorating, to say the least, and it keeps your regrets at minimum. One of the reasons why we want to be successful is to actually fulfil our dreams or complete our bucket list, to look back on our life during old age with a warm smile rather than a frown. Feel free to put even the impossible things on your bucket list, and find the next best thing using your creativity. Whenever you reach a rough patch in your life, take a look at you bucket list and see what is the most plausible thing to do in order to restore your will power and keep going.