If marriage is very important to her, then I sympathize with her situation, and I hope she finds the happiness she desires.
Unfortunately you've gone ahead to label the man a 'time waster', but I would like to hear his side of the story. I don't believe any 'sane man' lets go of a good woman.
From my interactions with men who deal with such ladies, a common observation with many ladies in this category is the "Me-Myself attitude". They are full of 'sacrifices', but very little 'obedience'. He sets his vision before her, but she doesn't fully buy in (yet is hoping for marriage to him ). She comes with her own agenda. Her vision cannot see further than the wedding day.
He's asking her for specific concessions. She's full of sacrifices in other irrelevant things, but not in that 'specific thing he asks'. In most cases it's what 'she wants', rather than what 'he asked'. She responds to his many pleas for compromise with "this is how I am....this is me, you either accept me like this or......you can't tell me how to live.....etc.". She knows for sure he is in love with her, and here lies her fatal mistake; she overplays her cards and overestimates her leverage over him. Some men might swallow this and stick around if there's something to gain from her....eg. financial reward, status, etc. But it'll not end well in the long run.
However, when you approach a man who knows what he wants for his family, and you have this attitude, he will likely keep you as a side piece, while searching for that woman who will obey rather that sacrifice. And I know 'feminism' cringes when I use the word 'obey', but it's a fact. No team can function in disarray, and when core values are disregarded.
There certainly are time wasters, but I can tell you, even a 'time waster' might have been won over if her character was right, with an attitude to match it.
Ending, I paraphrase an advice I once received (written by a 'wise' woman'), "don't enter into an egoistic tug of war with a man, because men become more stubborn in front of a stubborn woman. You might win the battle, but lose the war, which is his heart that was loving and caring for you". Unfortunately, many women in this age range are guilty of this.
I wish your cousin the very best!

When Nigerians speak of ‘geo political zone’, and I emphasize the term geo political, there has been an attempt by some, perhaps ignorantly, or as I suspect with malicious intent to equate geo political zones with ethnicity or in some cases religion.

The equation happens subtly, and I can perhaps prove to you that you have taken the bait. For example, when we say south west, without even putting the suffix ‘geo political zone’, the notion is that you must be Yoruba, and the Yoruba ethnic group can only be found in the carved out states that make up this geo political zone consequently, they do not exist outside of this imaginary creation.

Also when we say south east, again without putting the suffix ‘geo political zone’, the assumption of many is that you must be Igbo, and Igbos can only be found in the carved out states that make up this geo political zone, consequently, there are no Igbos outside of this imaginary creation.

Lastly, for emphasis, when we say south south, the assumption of many is that this is one homogenous ethnic group, all domiciled in the Niger delta, or perhaps a group largely made up of riverine dwellers, and most importantly devoid of any Igbo presence.

Lately, I have seen in some publications, a subtle substitution of the word ‘zone’ for ‘region’, in other words, attributing a substance to the term ‘geo political’ which restricts it’s people to an area by land. Unfortunately, politicians and supposed intelligent folks have adopted this term without understanding the subtle implication. Whatever the case may be, it does not change the prefix ‘geo political’, and as such can never be synonymous with ethnicity, no matter how anybody tries to twist it. Needless to say, using these two terms interchangeably when context is not clear should be discouraged.

Make no mistake, in Nigeria, context is clear. Post the Nigeria civil war, the ‘victors’ came up with a vicious way to dismember a certain people they perceived to be troublesome. They balkanized them into various carved up states, and in most cases compelled them to deny their ethnicity if they wished to survive. To further cement the balkanization, they came up with the geo political gimmick (which ironically, has no constitutional backing), and now effort is in overdrive to give it an ethnic connotation.

Lately, I watched a talk show on a popular Nigerian local television station, where the former deputy senate president, Senator Ike Ekweremadu was a guest. The host kept making reference to the term ‘south easterners’ in reference to the Igbo nation. I was dumb founded that the guest didn’t correct this narrative considering its subtle implications. With all due respect, I am not a ‘south easterner’, in the Nigeria context of attempting to give flesh to the geo political zone debacle, relating it to ethnicity. I am proudly Igbo, and that should suffice for description.

Also, fairly recently, Mr. Chike Ogeah of Oshimili-Aniocha, a former commissioner of information in Delta state, was a guest on another Nigerian local television programme. The host, a rabid Igbophobe, kept trying to paint a picture of a divided Igbo nation, attempting to ascribe tags of division, to which Mr. Chike rightly shut him down with facts that the Igbo nation cannot be divided by artificial constructs.
Every arsenal has been deployed to propagate this narrative, hoping it sticks. Further south, it is parroted by certain groups who shamelessly feasted on the spoils of their brethren, and for them, the truth would mean acknowledging guilt, and initiating restitution.

I have attached a map of Nigeria, illustrating the geo political zones and state make up. I have also superimposed a compass on this map using the federal capital territory Abuja as the center point.
Looking at this map, it immediately becomes visible to an honest mind, the difficulty in continuing to use the current descriptions from a geographical perspective. You could argue that the FCT is not the true center of area, in which case I humbly ask you to shift the compass as you wish. If you move the compass to the right or left, you would be in further trouble trying to justify the anomaly.

Some have made the argument that the geopolitical zones are not ‘entirely’ based on geographical location, but rather states with similar ethnic groups and/or common political history. I wonder how they can continue to maintain this argument while staring at the attached map. What similar ethnic grouping or political history does an ethnicity in Kwara state have to do with one in Benue state? Or an ethnicity in Edo state have to do with one in Akwa Ibom state?

If we attempt to force fit things, the only correct zone that perhaps coincide with the geopolitical descriptions, ethnic groupings, and common political history would appear to be the south west (if we ignore the Edo, Kogi and Kwara anomaly). Every other representation is a grave travesty of justice, an insult to intelligent minds, and people of conscience, should desist from making reference to the current geopolitical descriptions, especially in relation to ethnicity.

Nigerians of conscience have made the case, and rightly so, to jettison the 1999 constitution, as it was imposed under a military dictatorship, with no input from the various stake holders that make up the union. In like manner, I would expect them to make the case to jettison the current geo political zone farce which was similarly imposed under another military dictatorship. A people cannot be expected to abide by something a man was constrained to sign most likely staring down the barrel of a gun. Sensible people should not insist on cementing something which was created without general consensus. The injustice engraved in our foundations is the bane of all our problems.

We see the clamor to return looted artefacts, including artefacts that were perhaps purchased, but under dubious circumstances. The argument many put forward, including by the federal government of Nigeria, to support this stand, is that these artefacts belong in their ancestral homes, and rightly so. We seem to only parrot this cry for justice, fairness, and equity when it involves outsiders (especially Europeans), but don’t apply the same standards to ourselves. It smirks of hypocrisy if you ask me.

I am of the Igbo ethnic stock, so I will speak directly to every Igbo man and woman out there, in whatever geo political zone you find yourself. We cannot be oblivious to the fact that we are at the receiving end of a vicious campaign to dilute our identity. We should learn to speak the truth to ourselves. We should not act ignorant of the divide and conquer nature of Nigeria politics, especially post civil war. The war is over, at least the physical war. It has been over for about 50 years. However, as with the European slave trade, the after shocks are still being felt, not in the physical, but in the mind. We should shake off these shackles that still hold down our minds. We should as a duty break down these artificial walls of division. We should desist from using these adopted terminologies that cement the divide policies, and there is no greater one that I can thing of than using the geo political zone tag to describe your ethnicity. Furthermore, we should cease using prefixes when referring to Igbos outside the Igbo heartland, such as ‘Delta Igbos’, ‘Benue Igbos’, etc. I don’t hear anyone being referred to as ‘Ondo Ijaw’, ‘Kwara Yoruba’, ‘Sokoto Hausa’, etc. As Mr Chike Ogeah said during his interview, “there is nothing like mainstream Igbo, we’re all Igbos”. This ignorance has cost us much as a people, and must stop.

To those who have fits of rage whenever the Igbo issue is raised, let me attempt to speak to you. What makes each of us human is our ability to reason, and to be conscientious. I know that you feel Nigeria as is currently configured works for you. However, you cannot ignore the cost of maintaining the status quo, and the accompanying atrocities committed in your name (Nigeria) to maintain the current configuration. Your country men and women are brutalized and killed daily for requesting a fair deal, and you have not risen up to demand that this evil not be perpetuated in your name.

Conscientious Europeans held their government to account during the slave trade era, and forced their governments to put an end to the wicked practice of slavery, even thought they were beneficiaries of the system. They insisted that the evil would not be perpetuated in their name.
Recently, we were privileged to witness ‘George Floyd protests’ in Europe and around the world over an injustice that took place in the United States of America. These protesters understand the simple concept of do unto others as you would want other to do unto you. You don’t have to be a person of faith for this truth to speak to your conscience. If my neighbors house is on fire and I sit back, its only a matter of time before the flames reach my own house.

The current situation (in Nigeria) may favor you, your ethnic group, your clan, etc., but does it favor the generality of humanity? Ask yourself, has your situation been better by hampering the growth and development of others through stifling policies? Does having one viable functioning port in Lagos serving the whole country favor the recipient state, with its associated traffic buildups? Is it just to continually insist that people (both young and aged) make perilous journeys from their villages to Lagos, or Abuja for a visa interview, only because the government of Nigeria doesn’t believe the people of the east deserve a diplomatic presence where these applications can easily be made, and have frustrated every attempt by countries to do so, these countries knowing that a large proportion of the visa applications are made by people of eastern origin? Even in smaller countries, diplomatic consulates are scattered across the various regions to enable people easily access embassy services. Is it fair that a child with an Igbo name (Efik, Ibibio, etc. included) is twice more likely to be denied admission due to the evil of catchment area, and not due to grades? Can you explain to that child why they cannot go to university in a city they have grown up all their life because they have an Igbo name?

You cannot continue to express hate towards a people who have not stolen from anyone, nor taken anything they have not paid for, in many cases more than double its market value. The Igbo mantra which is enshrined in a folk song says “live and let live”. It is for this reason you will find the Igbo in every corner of the world, living peacefully with his host community, contributing immensely to the development of the land that has favored him.

We probably can excuse this behavior in the generation of the 40’s, 50’s, 60’s and perhaps 70’s. However, it is heart breaking to see it perpetuated in the generation of the 80’s upward, and among people with whom I went to unity schools and called friends. It shows me that there is very little hope for the future if we continue in the current trajectory. Around the world young people are driving innovation and change, pulling down draconian customs, redefining value systems, etc. Ours should not be different.

When I observe the conflicts plaguing the African continent, most of which can be easily resolved by applying fairness, equity and justice, I ask myself, Is the African man truly incapable of sitting around a table to solve a problem, and not bequeath it to the next generation?

Many of us have been fortunate to live in developed societies around the world; in the United states of America, Europe, and even Dubai. When in these countries, we expect to be treated fairly and decently. We buy property, and when for some reason we’re told we don’t belong, or someone carelessly uses the phrase “Go back to Africa”, we cry out “racism”. How can we suddenly develop a consciousness of what is evil out there when we’re at the receiving end, but not here in Nigeria where we’re at the dishing end?

And so I end where I started – the geo political zone debacle. If we’re serious about making Nigeria work as a federation, we need to unfreeze and genuinely resolve the many frozen conflicts that exist. Start by righting the wrongs, and standing on the side of justice and equity. Speak the truth and don’t attempt to bend history to suit selfish interests. Our greatest asset as a country is our ethnic make up. Let ethnicities who share similar heritage congregate (something Europe learned after centuries of endless wars). In other words, let unity begin from bottom and work its way up, that way the bonds/alliances formed will be organic, and not artificial Don’t attempt to balkanize or subjugate ethnicities for selfish purposes. The Igbo spirit especially cannot be subjugated. Allow people to aspire. Eradicate the state of origin mandates that place artificial barriers for people to excel and make it difficult for institutions to attract the best minds. If these are done, I have no doubt that the nation born out of this will be a beacon of hope. There will always be work to be done, but we would at least be on the right path.

Ruben is being a disingenuous journalist here. The Igbo man kept knocking down the wall of division, but Ruben kept trying to erect that wall. Trying to maintain the narrative of a divided Igbo house. Make no mistake, he did that on purpose, as he is well aware of his mostly igbophobic audience.
All the journalists here exhibited a high level of ignorance on the Igbo subject, no wonder Nigeria is the way it is.
That Amaechi has Rotimi in his name, how does that validate his 'non igboness'? Even if he says with his mouth he isn't Igbo, was it mouth that made him Igbo? Does Amaechi or Wike speak for Ikwerre? Are they unaware of avid Ikwerre membership of Ohaneze? Are they ignorant of the divide and conquer nature of Nigerian politics, especially post civil war?
This conversation has been over flogged needlessly. I blame Igbos who refer to their brethren across the river as 'delta igbo', 'Benue Igbo', etc. I don't hear anyone referred to as 'kwara yoruba', 'Ondo Ijaw', etc. This ignorance should stop, and only Igbos can spearhead this change.

"Gen. Igor Konashenkov, a Russian Defense Ministry spokesman, went as far as to say that "all the illusions of amateurs about the existence of 'invisible' jets will face a disappointing reality," referring to the US's fifth generation stealth aircraft, the F-22 and F-35."

https://www.businessinsider.com/what-would-happen-us-strike-russia-targets-syria-2016-10?international=true&r=US&IR=T

Could be propaganda, but we wouldn't know until it's put to the test. Good luck to the pilot!

[He added, “ You can see that myself as a Fulani, I didn ’ t vote for Buhari and our parties are completely different, but at the same time, [b]the Yoruba in Tinubu , the Igbo in Ngige and the South - South in Ameachi, were the ones who firmly stood behind him to win the election , not even the Fulanis.]

Nigerians are either just mischievous or ignorant with this south-south label. You labeled yoruba by tribe, and not by geography, you labeled fulani by tribe and not by geography, but when you came to the east, in order to propagate lies, and to continue the politics of division, Amaechi is labeled by geography, yet the name is Chibuike Amaechi. . Little wonder peace and prosperity is far from the country. The people have made lies their refuge, and have hidden themselves under falsehood.

“The man dies in all who keep silent in the face of tyranny” – Wole Soyinka

“The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing” – Edmund Burke

“When bad men combine, the good must associate; else they will fall, one by one, an unpitied sacrifice in a contemptible struggle” – Edmund Burke

The opening quotes could not be more apt to the moral issue we face today with respect to recent happenings in south-east Nigeria. I will not focus much on the actors, but attempt to address the Nigerian people directly, especially the youth.

I have refrained from commenting on issues related to the IPOB agitation because I didn’t think it worth my time. However, to remain silent in light of recent events make me complicit in the crimes perpetuated in my name.

It has been heart breaking reading the comments put up by some regarding the dehumanization and murder of our country men and women. Phrases such as “kill the bastards”, “waste them all”, etc have been thrown around loosely. I wonder how many of such people have put knife to the neck of a chicken, or have witnessed its jerk while its life is being drained? If not, I recommend you do so, maybe after that you would understand the sanctity of life. Is it not ironic that such people prefer to contract their murderous cravings to the men in uniform? I can only attribute some of the characteristic I see Nigerian soldiers display daily to symptoms of post traumatic stress due to such unwanted killings and destruction.

It is heart wrenching to think I share the country and living space with people who hold such disregard for human life, and are willing to extinguish life because they disagree with a group, despite the many tools available in the law to address such issues. Such is the joy of liberty and freedom, your right to expression, something you have relegated others to the grave for exercising.
Your hypocrisy is striking. I bet you probably criticized President Assad of Syria for using deadly force against his citizens, but have cheered the Nigeria army on in this dance of shame.
More striking is the fact that you envy western societies, but despise free speech and expressions. Yet these are the very foundations upon which such societies are built. The joke is on you.

It has come to this, that we have been desensitized to the extent we have lost our sanctity for human life. You have cheered the murder of your fellow citizens who have not robbed you of sleep or possession. Who have only expressed their ‘constitutionally enshrined’ right to freedom of expression or association. I realize that this is not a phrase many are conversant with, quite understandable considering the fact many suffer from military dictatorship hangover.

Despite this murderous orgy, normal life goes on in the country. No protests among civil society groups, no high profile government resignations to protest the use of brute force against unarmed citizens. To this is ask, where is our conscience as a people? How could we as a nation go to sleep in good conscience knowing what is done in our name to unarmed fellow citizens? I may disagree with a man, but that does not give me a right to snuff out his life or wish him dead. It gives me no right to deny a child of a parent and vice versa, especially in a system that has no social welfare. Having ‘killed them all’ as many have prescribed boastfully, do you expect the rest to fall in line due to fear? No man can love that which he fears.

Hate them all you want, Organizations like Amnesty International exist for a reason. They have seen the depraved extent that governments could go if left unchallenged. They protested the summary executions meted out to ‘suspected’ boko haram fighters, and you balked at them, calling them unprintable names. They protested (and were joined by well meaning Nigerians) against the summary execution of Shia worshippers, you balked at them, and called them names. Do you not realize that your silence has empowered the Nigeria military to be a law unto itself? I pray you do not find yourself at the receiving end of injustice some day. Maybe only then will you realize that the law exists to protect you and me.

It is disheartening that in the 21st century, with all the resources available for crowd control, namely, water cannons (some that paint you for future arrest), sonic weapons, laser weapons, taser shotgun, heat rays, skunk guns, pepper sprays, rubber bullets, etc, all of which have been efficiently applied to the most violent of protests, yet we resort to deadly force against fellow citizens at slightest provocation. For the umpteenth time, snuffing out life seems to be our preferred choice.

To the men and women of the Nigeria armed forces I say, your actions are a disgrace to your sworn oath. It is a disgrace for anyone to put on that uniform and walk the streets proudly. Al-Qaeda would have treated its citizens better, I dare say ISIS. You have murdered, yet you sleep. You have marched through streets of unarmed people and occupy like victorious conquerors. This is a dance of shame by all standards. You have denied people of their loved ones you are sworn to protect, yet return to yours. You have certainly not done this in my name, or in the name of any right thinking person who understands the sanctity of life. There is no glory in your actions, not even in the face of armed opposition who have surrendered in battle. Like the repeat of the Boko-Haram saga, a non violent and ‘accessible’ group has been radicalized by your actions. Only time will tell. I can only pray I am wrong in my assessment, and we have not gone beyond the point of no return.

President Buhari and Co. will do well to learn the rudiments of politics. You don't pick a fight with every 'perceived enemy'. I cannot comprehend the poor strategy Mr. President and his team have adopted towards dealing with dissent on various occasions. Crude and confrontational. These days even Hollywood offers strategy Mr. President's advisers will do well to learn:

Falco: "I have been told of a certain sea snake which has a very unusual method of attracting its prey. It will lie at the bottom of the ocean as if wounded. Then its enemies will approach, and yet it will lie quite still. And then its enemies will take little bites of it, and yet it remains still."

Commodus: "So, we will lie still, and let our enemies come to us AND NIBBLE......."

In summary, "He who is prudent and lies in wait for an enemy who is not, will be victorious"....Sun Tsu

President Buhari and Co. will do well to learn the rudiments of politics. You don't pick a fight with every 'perceived enemy'. I cannot comprehend the poor strategy Mr. President and his team have adopted towards dealing with dissent on various occasions. Crude and confrontational. These days even Hollywood offers strategy Mr. President's advisers will do well to learn:

Falco: "I have been told of a certain sea snake which has a very unusual method of attracting its prey. It will lie at the bottom of the ocean as if wounded. Then its enemies will approach, and yet it will lie quite still. And then its enemies will take little bites of it, and yet it remains still."

Commodus: "So, we will lie still, and let our enemies come to us AND NIBBLE......."

In summary, "He who is prudent and lies in wait for an enemy who is not, will be victorious"....Sun Tsu

dulux07:

Besides there is a diff between a religious extremist and a God-fearing person.

Brother, actually to the secular world, there's no difference between both. Even among believers of same faith, the line is blurred.
'God fearing' men and women of all ages from all religions have been non conformists, and referred to as crazy/ religious extremists by people of their generation. I'll speak from a Christian perspective, hence examples from the Bible, and i would like to know how i rate according to your 'religious extremist thermometer'.

How would you rate me mentally in this scientific age if I said to you "God told me to build a boat to save mankind"?
How would you rate me mentally in this scientific age if I said to you "God told me to leave my family and my mansion in the city and come out and live in the wilderness with my wife and kids"?
How would you rate me mentally in this scientific age if I said to you "God told me to marry a prostitute, and no matter what she does should not divorce her"?
How would you rate me mentally in this scientific age if I said to you "Except you eat my flesh and drink my blood you have no life in you"...Etc
Crazy as they sound, these are all actions of 'God fearing' men in the Bible, and examples abound. Im sure i could find examples in the Quran and other religious books of 'God fearing' people taking strange actions.
Hence the OP stresses the point 'Re-think if marrying a God fearing man is really for you', because in this Modern feministic scientific age that we live in, his 'God' whom he 'fears' might just ask him to do something 'crazy'.

This has been on my mind lately. Glad you brought it up. Funny how people, in trying to describe their preferred spouse, smuggle in the clause "he/she must be God fearing". This is mostly among ladies I must acknowledge. Probing further, you find out they have no idea what it means to marry a 'God fearing person'. In their attempt to describe a man/woman who wont cheat on them, who wont be violent, who wont hang out late, who won't have female/male friends, and may I add who wont stop them from doing all of the above (hypocrites!), they just put it under the term 'God fearing man/woman'. God fearing men/women have been known to be odd balls in every way. If you're not willing to submit yourself wholly to the God of the 'God fearing' man or woman, then I cannot over emphasise how headed for a brick wall that relationship is.

armyofone:
I just don't get the daily tutorials. OP, I think you nagged your babes too much. After coming back from 14hours work, a leg massage, good food cooked by you and a well made bed was what you should have done. Not waiting with koboko of words about following all UK bad gals.
I hope you learned something to improve your next relationship.
Take heart

If you were in Op's shoes, I would like to see you not 'nag' in such scenarios described. I would say it was a classic case of giving the lady too much attention (something you've unfortunately termed nagging). But then again, whats the point of loving if you cant express it. This is why white girls will alwaya be one step ahead of our nija sisters (I speak from experience). The sad reality is, this is the reason men Keep many ladies, to avoid 'nagging'/'choking' one unappreciating woman with too much attention.

Wedon:


Your ignorance is amusing!

Seriously . . . grow up!

I've been on Nld for a loooong time and I've watched people learn and grow . . . But you? The thing no gree you.

Not sure if I should mock you or pity you . . . SMH!

Ok guys, enough ammo wasted. Can we call a truce and focus on topic please

Op, in all honesty, you didn't come here to seek advice, but to get justification for your action. You have only taken solace in the posts that have encouraged your decision and ignored those that advice otherwise. You're entitled to your decisions and choices, but one thing is certain, you will be left to cry alone when all these feminist merry singers are cooking dinner for their families (that they left their jobs to cater for). Sacrifice (sometimes painful) is required. It depends if the person is worth making that sacrifice for. Only you can truly answer that.

Wedon:


Okay, blame it on feminism (even though there's nothing feminist about my comment) . . If it will make you feel better!

Marriage is not by force. Not every relationship is meant to end in marriage . .

Maybe she will regret letting him go, maybe she will not.

That's left for her to deal with and certainly not any of our business.

Your reply only serves to buttress my point. Is that really the advice you would give yourself in such a scenario for a guy you know without a shadow of doubt loves you? "Marriage is not by force...etc". You know you wouldn't accept that, unfortunately that's what you give your fellow women. Instead of encouraging them to persevere, to endure, to love and honour their man, etc. I wouldn't want my wife hanging around dangerous women like you.

freecocoa:
Yea right.

Sounding like you were doing her a favor being with her, narcissism sha.

Why won't she leave you when you act like you are perfect, abegi.

Wedon:
All I see is a man who likes to be in control . . .
Domineering and dictatorial!!!
Women also hate to be chooked, just like men.
You are right to walk away from the relationship. You are not doing her much good either . . . Let her find her path while you follow yours.
It doesn't always have to be about YOU!

Iv known/dated quite a few 'feminists' in my life time. Notice I used a quote on the word feminist, its because I dont believe they exist. One thing they all have in common is misleading their fellow women and breaking other people's homes/relationships with poisonous advice while their's remain intact. Pretending to be tough and in control of their men, but in truth are worse than fools, servants and slaves to the men they end up with, willing to do anything to keep their own relationship intact. Women been feeble minded since creation. Just ask Eve (or serpent) if you disagree.

For Nigerian ladies, its unfortunately always about options, winner or loser, always in a competition with themselves that they cannot see clearly anymore. A game of what they can get and not what they can give. Brother, if you want peace of mind just get yourself a white lady. They're exciting, loyal, honest, and most of all give you PEACE! Thank me later

Messilistic:
All I can say is OP has alot he has not sed.....

Dude, this is no place for jokes. A pattern of behaviour has been painted. If you read between the lines, all has been said.

John20000:
Hi Guys,
Influence was at play. She had been spending time with the wrong crowd, and evil communication was having a field day corrupting good manners. I talked (shouted), and talked (pleaded), and talked (begged). All to no avail. She had pitched me versus her friends.

That's more than enough to tell you she was a rebel.

ireneidiva:
She started working and used HER money to buy the latest gadgets. I really don't see anything wrong with that part. She was doing a honest job, what is wrong with taking longer shifts to earn more money? So because someone is in a relationship, she shouldn't work? The only problem I think she has from your write up is that she became rude to you but you seem a bit domineering so I don't think you have been a saint either.

Sister, In paragraph 11 to be precise, OP was happy for her with respect to the job. Its only normal for him to warn her against getting carried away with the lure of easy cash, as she had proven to be unstable in her ways. Her primary objective was to study not to make money. He also never claimed to be a saint. Just a man who knows what he wants, and tried to conform his woman to the perfect image so he can have peace of mind.
Domineering means imposing your will over someone in an arrogant way. I doubt a domineering person will exercise the amount of patience i have just seen expressed by the OP.

Bro,
You have my sympathy. Sometimes conditions help us understand the true nature of human beings. She's probably a good person, but unstable and easily influenced. Certainly not ready for marriage (yet). Such people end up with people who will either force their will on them through violence, or ignore them completely because they have another woman outside that gives him peace of mind. You my friend are neither, so thank God and pray for a mentally and spiritually mature lady.

For the ignorant folks talking about how rusty the weapons are, maybe you need to watch a video of the tests an Ak-47 is subject to, then you wont come here and display such ignorance. There is no rival to its ruggedity. I am sure that gun can be buried in molten magma and still fire (and i wouldn't be far from the truth lol!)

The folly is in the name 'make up'. Last i checked, you only make up something that's deficient. If you feel there's a deficiency in your looks then you sure can 'make up'. However what i see on the streets is more of inferiority complex than deficiency in looks.

Dear Op, your assessment is slightly skewed. It is obvious you have not considered some social characteristics of human nature; emotions and the concept of love. Your assessment is a straight jacket scientific suit that doesn't fit into most of human society where emotions and other things play a part. Much as you may disagree, love which is a strong emotion, constrains you to make sacrifices. Therefore what you may considers as abuse is seen as sacrifice by another.
It is no news that most women in love are more emotional and more likely to make these type of sacrifices. Now i in no way condone any form of abuse, but fear is an integral part of love and respect in any society. This is visible in the family, school, military, society and even religion.
So Op, good as your post is (and i strongly encourage people to ask themselves your questions), it is not applicable in all cases that where one or more of these arise, an outright case of abuse exists.
Cheers :-)

Sister, everyone here is advising you to throw in the towel. However, remember when youre crying at night, they will all be cozy with their boo's, and i bet many of them are worse 'mugus'(permit me to use that phrase), yet will come here ranting.
Dont compare your relationship to any other. Building is never easy, and the more expensive it is, the better. Im sure that boo loves you. He probably really just needs some space and you have to understand that giving him space doesnt mean he doesnt want to hear from you. Theres just cycles in life and this is just one of them. He'll come around i promise. The key is communication (sometimes people can actually talk but not communicate).
However i hope you are not pressurising him to make some kind of commitment. These things come in stages. if hes been with you this long, itll happen at the right time.

Poster, i will advice you not to listen to the many frustrated women giving poor advice based on their past experiences which has turned them to man haters. I can tell you for sure life abroad is not easy and it takes alot from you physically, emotionally and mentally. He's probably going through that cycle. If you really love him, just call him and say to him, "I understand what youre going through, I just want you to know ill be here for you". youd be surprised how much that can mean to a man. Theres no doubt living abroad can change your perception of women, especially Nigerian girls whose highest achievement is carrying blackberry and latest fashion. As someone on this forum advised, try to get yourself busy as well. Financial independence is key, so as not to look like a liability. Men like that in a woman i must tel you.
True love exists, although the meaning differs from relationship to relationship. Dont compare yours to another, and if you have something good going, do everything to keep it. A wise woman builds her home, but the foolish destroys it with her own hands.
My honest advice :-)

To all attacking the young ladys English skilz, na inferiority complex dey wory una. When u suceed in geting an english man to pronounce a nigerian name properly, then you can fault a nigerian for murdering english. Or dem tel una say english na her first language? The point is that the mesg is pased and you understand what the op is trying to say. If u dont, look the other way.

This man and his 65 pastors obviously dont know their scriptures. 400 vindicated prophets were wrong when they told Ahab to go to battle. God only answered him according to the lust in his heart.

1forall: I would be somewhat disappointed if Da Mayor and saxywale expend their precious cerebral energy and time trying to refute this guy's gross mistalk, lemme handle this
Imagine, we dey talk of current socio-cultural problems birthed by years of repression, diseducation, corruption and misrule dis guy dey post link to 'The Growing Beauty Of Lagos'! It's a shame that some of us still think infrastructure building = development

I saw the topic yesterday and found I had no comment to make as e be say na mediocrity level be our own excellence now. The attached is from the collection of pictures posted there, abeg tell me what represents Lagos' growing beauty there?

Who will educate the Nigerian citizen?

You read my mind. What else can i say. The joy & beauty of western civilisation. The right for 'anyone' to have an opinion without fear of repression.

ryom: It looks like there is a pseudo-dichotomy on this thread, I don't think my brothers and sisters at home should pick issues with those who have been privileged to travel to lands yonder. The truth is sometimes it takes seeing the other side to appreciate a need for change. I remember once I took my car to a mechanic in a city in S/West , and while chit chatting with the car electrician, I told of my sojourn to the lands beyond the seas. I mentioned how power supply was so constant to which he replied 'ha ha oga, NEPA no dey there?' To this my dear friend it was inconceivable that there will be no black out! So naturally he doesn't expect his govt to provide it.

Such has been displayed on this thread as well. As i quoted, earlier, "The view of the earth by a soaring Eagle is different from that of a flying Chicken"