₦airaland Forum

An average man seldom appreciates what he has but places more value on what he does not yet possess; be it charm, status, fame, attraction, grace, excellence, brain, self-control, etc etc.

It always starts by mere 'wanting', then to 'desiring' which leads to craving, thereby culminating into envy. Envy shows itself in different ways. A lot of people deny that they harbour envy.

Envy can take root unsuspectingly in a person. He should watch out therefore if he does not engage in tactics such as playing down the good he perceives in others or over-praising a quality!

Whether Black or White, envy exists across races. It eats into our lives and makes us feel miserable. And if man cannot get what he wants anyway, he resorts to living it vicariously through his children, wife or husband, by acquiring for them, and/or make they themselves compulsively flaunt, what he once strove desperately to possess, just to satisfy the beloved ego.

Envy can drive one to the crudest acts if not properly managed or annihilated. And you may have had to tone down your skill, or, occasionally commit harmless mistakes just to deflect it.

Have you been hated for no reason among your peers, at school, religious organisations or at work places due to a gift you artfully display to an exceptional levels?
Have you been a direct victim or suffered innocent attacks that come through envious feeling?

How have you learned to quieten a rising feeling of envy among people around you and how are you managing your own simmering envious feeling at the flicker of seeing a strikingly admirable features in your associates?

I like to write about this concept of emotional disconnection without consulting professional reference books, so that I can position this experience graphically enough for us to appreciate it. It is a very common phenomenon which can take place in all forms of human relationships such as that between husband and wife, parents and children, employer and employees, governor, president and the citizens.

Human beings are higher animals because we possess a more sophisticated mind with great capacity for emotions, intellect, conscience, willpower and affections. Animals are directed by their instincts, while human beings have a conscious governence of their minds in the direction of rational choice, with emotional embellishments.

Our human relationships may have technical, legalistic and, at times, cultural definition; but they have enormous emotional content that must be critically managed.

A good number of developed countries recognise this fact, which led to articulating mental capital development initiatives. This is a paradigm that views the mental well being of citizens as productive resource.

Life is essentially about relationships and the quality of life instruments used by behavioural scientists measure the emotional tone that exists in their relationships indirectly. The powerhouse that moves the activities of life is the emotion.

Once mismanaged, productivity declines and overall meaning in life disappears. These can manifest in different psychological disorders.

I strongly feel that the modifiable factors responsible for non communicable diseases are often due to changes traceable to emotional issues. A good number of our adolescents who are hooked on drugs are from so-called responsible families who may have parents that have no regard for legitimate emotional feelings of their children in the process of growing up.

Every human being, irrespective of life, social class or gender, requires consideration of emotional feelings in different settings of relationships.

When the emotional connection is disrupted through crude and insensitive communication style, the adolescent becomes vulnerable to the peer group who may provide alternative facilities of emotional connection and validation.

Emotional disconnection is quite profound in our marriages, but highly underreported. No relationship makes human beings as emotionally vulnerable as the marital relationship, where partners have duties that accrue from emotional connection.

Sexual intercourse is the vehicle for the facility of emotional connection but not a guarantee for it. Young adults are counselled to exercise control of their sexual drives, such that they can have a rational assessment of feedbacks necessary for a life-long emotional investment.

Emotions in human beings are not mechanical objects that can be switched on and off. Rather, they are sustained in the context of relationships through feedbacks that come in verbal and non-verbal communication, attitude, body gestures and a host of others.

Sexless marriages are quite common; and even when there is sex, it is often more of a duty rather than a product of emotional connection. The women are more prone to experience this, but it could also happen to men who may have erectile dysfunction.

There is virtually no marriage without potential for emotional disconnection, but intelligent couples proactively develop effective strategies for handling it. Our religious systems have borrowed heavily from our cultural software, hence the lack of understanding of the peculiarity of emotional needs of individuals in the context of several relationship settings.

The African culture is full of commands, instructions and conventions with little regard for individual ventilation in the process of instituting communalism. Taboos, superstitions and myths are used as sanctions to stifle individual emotional expression.

A lot of folks are locked up in marriages as emotional wrecks, since the culture has no regard for the emotional cost of such dysfunctional marriages.

Our educationists need to interrogate our culture and how it stifles the development of emotional intelligence. When a father lacks it, he becomes a bully, not only to his wife but also to the children, as he struggles to conform to the cultural prescriptions of his gender role.

Our cultural software annihilates the proper development and practice of emotional intelligence, which impacts our relationships negatively.

When a governor fails to pay workers’ salary for about eight months in a state that has little or no private sector activity, it reveals a profound disconnection for the emotional concerns of the citizens.

Boko Haram is a cumulative product of emotional disconnection between the political elites of the North and the vulnerable masses. When the emotional context of a relationship is mismanaged, the partner in that emotional contract becomes a demon.

The Nigerian political leadership has not demonstrated enough consideration for the Nigerian citizens, hence the blatant emotional disconnection towards the Nigerian state by the citizens. Corporate organisations that have no respect for the emotional needs of their employees invariably pay dearly for sabotage and monumental frauds.

We should begin to respond to the emotional dimensions of our relationships at home, school, place of work, state and the nation at large.


http://www.punchng.com/health/healthwise/danger-of-emotional-disconnectedness/

coldHeat:
why would a man send a lady a picture of his car via chat - is he being interviewed?
Are you trying to tell me that for he to become the lady's friend and possibly woo her he must answer some JAMB questions with images attached?

I shall assume an assumption that the guy was only after the lady to have sexual relations with her in the long run, hence she, in a bid to promptly ascertain his power of influence or financial prowess (to guarantee her comfort), desired to size him up by measuring his overall aptitude for success by consulting the rendered digital imagery of a liability he uses for self transportation.

A most foolish thing to do, for a man's wealth does not consist in the physical things he possesses.

Women were not created to suffer, I'd give you that (there was a reason Eve was placed in the garden, surrounded by food and other fascinating things whilst Adam worked), but a lady refusing to forge bonds with a man because of the nature and physicality of his tenacious struggle to succeed in the pursuit of his purpose or goals is a woman who is denying herself the beauty of the reality of the order of life and its phases; the pleasure of growth (inception, conception and increase)

There is no way in all of the 3 heavens I would even send a lady a pic of my car or tell how how much I earn, if she must size me up before accepting to be my friend then I am not unhappy to deduce that I am not the one with the problem.

He should delete her number with a speed that would dwarf that of light. Her kind are those who give womanhood a bad name, then would come back to this forum and create a new thread "why do guys like sex so much?"

I read through almost all your comments made so far on different subjects on Nairaland and I am compelled to say you are worthy to be a mentor. I would gladly subscribe to receiving more of your words, knowing more of you, your philosophy of life, and so on.

The structure of your lexis and over all use of English is like that of a column in 'The Nations Newspaper', titled 'hardball'. I am always awed by people who place high premium on immaterial substance more than the material, dazzling substance such like refined intellect and spirituality, unfolding in layers of elegant simplicity.

Thanks for being an inspiration.

I am interested in being an IT savvy. I wish therefore to subscribe to the training. May I ask what the objectives of the training are?

And about the time and energy investment you talked about, of course a lot of people would be interested but many are wary of scams and the likes. It would do everyone involved good to know much at first about what the investment is. Thanks.

I need help on how to clear this hibernating display on my ultrabook windows 8 laptop lenovo ideapad, core i5. The hibernating show has been there for about four days now, barring access to software programmes.

To our friends in national service, the youth corps, who have given due honour to the prestigious call of service to fathers' land, we felicitate with you as you mark your discharge day in the scheme which culminated in today's historic POP.

Defying all odds, heightened social disharmony, simmering ethnic bias and the obviously loose National Security, you waded in into the 'jungle', forgiving the gross attitudinal neglect of the heads that claim to lead with perverse altruism, to contribute your quota to the betterment of your country and a more egalitarian society as you've sworn to pursue. Bravo to the courageous youth.

In your desire to explore, propelled by youthful enthusiasm and budding exuberance which led you out fearlessly in the first place, you are believed to have been armed with the requisite weaponry to navigate the uncharted waters of life through your experiences in the service year.

You are thereby urged, with especial earnestness, to keep potent that persistent but healthy youthful drive as an undying reminder to always channel this powerful formative instinct into creative directions in a natural flow, and not to render it wastefully in nervy indulgences afterglow.

To the fallen heroes and heroines, of the past and of the present, goes out our posthumous commendation. And conversely, too, our heartfelt commiseration to their friends and family to whom they were beloved. We extend this again to the loving memory of the recently departed students of OOU who lost their lives in a tragic accident, bringing to an abrupt end destinies of otherwise promising youngsters of brimful vitality, all in a search for meaning to life.

Hence the words: ''We are nothing but pencils in the hand of the Creator.''
[/i]

As soon as man thinks, just a little, he begins to get clarity over issues which ponder him. The question of life after death has been a source of disquiet and an enduring apprehension to many.

First of all, what is life? Life means something living. To live implies to be active. We can therefore say life means to be in a state of unceasing activity. Death is the opposite of life, which means a state of inactivity.

Now, what is man? Man is a spiritual being. It is the spiritual essence in him that is living, giving animation (life) to the bodies it has to wear on earth. Man is clothe in several bodies. These bodies themselves have no life of their own; they are only animated for a time and are as well cast aside at the time of transition. Hence the word 'spirit is life.'

Dear reader, please pay careful attention to this explanation and weigh it with your inner perception.

On earth, the spirit needs a cloak to wear if it wishes to exercise its ability. This cloak is the physical body. This physical body is the vehicle it uses to carry out its volition on earth. If there is imbalance between the body and the spirit, i.e. the vehicle and its user, the vehicle is cast aside. The imbalance may be a cause of illnesses, accident or old age, etc, etc. The bodiless spirit then wanders to other planes.

Other planes of existence are populated by departed spirits, each wearing different cloaks which is of lesser density than the physical body depending on their degree of maturity. If in the course of its wanderings on earth, the human spirit has gained the experience it needed for its maturity and development, it goes on to lighter regions where souls of similar tendency coexist.

The spirit's growing love of the the Almighty and its earnest desire for the welfare of its neighbor draws it higher and higher and consequently leaving less heavy environment for a lighter one by discarding the prevailing body, just like it once discarded the physical body.

The process goes on like that for other bodies until it remains the uncloaked spirit alone. Just as it had to wear these bodies when it sets out for the journey from paradise in order to fulfill its desire for experiencing which led it to the lower worlds as far as the earth, the same way it had to drop them one by one till it gets back to its original home - paradise.

Through purification of its guilt, the spirit arrives its home - paradise, this time around, as a fully self-conscious matured spirit, whence it once were, as an unconscious spirit seed germ. Its then free from eternal damnation. Eternal death is the extinction of all conscious personality that has developed itself in a wrong way.

Man on earth gets himself entangled in webs of pain and misery as a result of his misuse of free will given to him. He burdens himself through his deeds, thoughts and words. By its desire for what is base, he chains himself.
According to the laws of nature, what a man burdens himself with can only be redeemed by no one else but himself. Christ said 'whatever a man sows that shall he reap'.

A lot of people seek pernicious cover in the comforting words that Christ has taken away the burden of our sins. They therefore shun the struggle to overcome their weaknesses, they loathe every exertion and personal effort at striving for what is better; forgetting that heaven helps only those who work at helping themselves first. They even pass on to the coming generations this misleading assertion as factual. Such erroneous transmission increases indolence in the spirit of man. Atonement may not be easy for those who help advance such teachings because of their own comfort.

When death of the physical body occurs, man, being still heavily burdened with guilt, may be given an opportunity to live its earth-life once again in order to atone its guilt. This is a kind of help from the Almighty so that man does not perish. A bandage is placed before the eyes of the sojourner on entering the earth again so that its past lives may not be surveyed, for it would be of no use to him. It is the present that counts before the valid Laws of Creation.

The place a soul is born may be a way of redeeming some of its guilt. There is no injustice at birth as some people would like to assert. But each human spirit weaves in advance the garment its has to wear in future, which includes its place of birth, its parents, name, gender, etc. The dissolution of a physical body does not cancel one particle of guilt. Nothing is lost in creation; nothing forgotten.

When it is said that.... all that is dead in creation shall be awakened so that it may pass judgement on its self, the emphasis is on ''all that is dead'', not ''all the dead''. All slumbering weaknesses in man shall come to live again so that they burn themselves out.

So, life continues.
Thanks.

dasparrow:
Most Nigerians just having a very [b]un[/b]healthy obsession with relationship and marriage. If you want to have your peace as a single person, you must migrate to a saner part of the world and stay far way from Nigerians. I have been blessed to travel and live in various parts of the world and interact with people from various cultures but I have never come across a group of people who have such an unhealthy obsession with relationship and marriage like Nigerians and it is disgusting to say the least. There is nothing wrong being single. Nigerian bred men pressure their women to go into relationships because many of them (men) are sex addicts and know that they can only get sex on a constant basis without paying an arm and a leg for it if they start dating. If less women date, whom will they have sex with so as to empty their spermatozoa-filled scrotum?

Nigerian-bred women pressure their fellow Nigerian women into relationships because many of them are in marital/relationship bondage where they are treated like glorified house helps and sex slaves by their men. You know what they say: "Misery likes company." So they need to pressure other women into relationships so that they can have more members to their misery club where misery rules supreme. Later on, you will hear them admitting that marital life is not easy. After spending 8 or more hours at work, they have to pick up their kids, come home, start preparing dinner while oga stretches his legs on the center table in the living room watching football. When everyone is done eating, they must wash the dishes, clean the kitchen and just as they throw their exhausted selves in bed and want to sleep, oga will tap their tired shoulders, command them to spread open those legs and ram his snake into their vargina for God-knows-how-long. Same applies to the single women with boyfriends who play glorified house helps to them. So, you think they have it easy?

Now think of you the single lady. You cook when you want, eat when you want, you don't need to worry about STDs/STIs because you are not under any pressure to share bacteria-filled bodily fluid when anyone. You can have a good night's rest without anyone tapping your shoulders after a long day to ask for sex. You bother about washing only your clothes and no one else's. You can come and go as you please without having to explain your whereabouts to anyone. You don't have to explain why your phone was switched off for a brief period of time.

Now tell me why they won't be secretly jealous of you and try to get you to be in a relationship so that you can turn into a glorified house help and sex slave like the rest of them?

Don't bow to their pressure. Shikena!

That's just the way it is. The would-be-caring friends are not so much concerned about the healthiness of your love life as they would like to appear. It is a veiled expression of jealousy at seeing someone being free of ties. They want to see you too wearing melancholic faces that often comes as a result of emotional rollercoaster evident in nowadays lovey-dovey relationships, thereby dragging you down.

A lot of people lack the discipline to be and remain single for a considerable length of time. They are always wanting attention; yearning for vallidation, feeling incomplete. It all has been said by Mr. Dasprrow. Thank you sir.

So, please, remain calm, poised and independent as usual and be true to yourself. Remain blessed.

You associate The Grail Message with religious mysticism. Please can you shed more light on that, and perhaps give some certain aspect of it that claim so.

Well, I am an adherent of The Grail Message. I am neither here to promote my spiritual inclination to people nor argue with those of other religious faith who have accepted what they do out their of own free volition. Man is fully responsible before the laws of nature for whatever he thinks and does. If, in his words or writings, he has led souls onto paths that are in error with the Ways of the Almighty, albeit out of 'love', he will not be released until the last of the misled souls is made to progrees on the right path.

As long as his writings continue to influence souls on earth when he himself has passes into the beyond, he will be held retarded in his ascent even if it takes decades or more. Let us therefore exercise great care in what we propagate and examine thoroughly beforehand what we accept from others as absolute truth.

For those who are seriously seeking for Light and Truth, The Grail Message is intented as a torch that shows man clearly the path he must follow, the Ways of the Almighty and lawful network of this great Creation that are upheld by many servants of His Will if he wishes to attain to the Kingdom of Heaven - Paradise, the realm of pure spirits who are free from all burden.

Thank you.

I think, it is a craving for self esteem and vanity that makes many of us go implausibly extral mile to win the approval of a woman. We fear the pain of rejection but long for the bliss of romance. We thereby became irresponsibly addictive to our illusory object of fancy to the point of grovelling, like a slave who has no choice but at the mercy of his master.

Getting a lady is not so much of work as to maintaining same. Everyone desiring a healthy harmonious relationship must know that one must be able to live happily and of value while alone before seeking a union. That makes you unconsciously radiate an aura of independence. A recipe for charm and attraction.

You may at first have your chance through 'ways' and strategy, i.e. selective generosity, feigned commitment, abscence and prescence, et al. But a time will come when 'laws & logic' won't work but have to revert to the law of simplicity.

All acts of mind-playing games must be substituted for a mind refinedly dedicated to the doctrine of genuine love, truth, whole truth and nothing but the truth.- Being Disciplined.

Time and effort devoted towards attaining spiritual ennoblement will sooner or later bring about those qualities needed for us to attract what is beneficial for our every material and inner development. When we know that all things material will still remain on earth, including the much-praised sex and procreation, we will naturally maintain a reasonable emotional distance for them, thereby bringing us the respect and peace of mind we deserve, as an added gain of the matured spirits. A much freer and less-troubled life.

When we cultivate inner soundness, we know that nothing on earth should be a propensity than the love of the Almighty.
Therein lies the key to all knowledge and wisdom.

Mastery of life- dmercy819@gmail.com

I want to commend you sir for the noble work you have started here. May I ask sir, if you have thoroughly examined the Grail Message ( Vol I- III )? And, what is your experience of It?

Remain profoundly blessed sir. Peace.

OMG! Whatever happened to trust?

In Osogbo, I have come across young boys and girls in pair walking about asking for money purportedly to makeup for transport fare. Three cases in just a week. This is strange. Has anyone experienced this?

The media spoke person to the President, Dr. Reuben, has been heard long a while on the media radar. Anyone knows what happened?

Dcmg:
Ok,seems you don't get it.
Just becos someone brings out the best in me means i should marry her?
Ok,if my guy friend brings out the best in me,should i turn gay?
If she brings out the best in me,maybe i will make her a close friend and nothing more;no romance no intimacy.
All i'm trying to say is "i need space" most days of my life.
Like i'm more of an introvert,i'm at my best when i'm alone.You get me?

Sir, am sorry for this but don't you think you might be a schizoid or having a borderline personality disorder?
I don't mean offence sir. I seem to share the same trait too and it would intrigue me to learn more of myself from other peoples' philosophy of life.

Thanks sir.

I am interested sir. dmercy819@gmail.com
Thank you.

Would men shun women completely if they could live on without the pressing urge for coupulation?

What would then be their incentive for contracting marriage?
Thanks.

Thanks for the response sir.

I want to ask if you're still examining the Grail Message. If you are, what is your experience of it?
There is a particular lecture in it which I would want you to study. Can I post it here?

Thanks very much and remain blessed Sir.

I am sorry if my questions are unworthy of response. But I will appreciate if they can be attended to. Thanks.

Uncle Ben, thanks for the good work you started here.

May I ask what Eckanker teaches about the subject Sex, marriage and celibacy?
What should be the attitude of a spiritual striving person in these matters?
Thanks and remain blessed.

dajoaneke:
Op, I'm not surprised at your view of God's gift to humanity (Marriage) because there're always people like you in every generation - bitter, cynical, miopic, selfish, not-man-enough, ego-centric and lazy to search for gem in the dirt.

If you give up in finding a good wife that will add value to your life, I wonder how many more challenges in life you have given up on.

Please don't currupt the society with an irresponsible lifestyle by criticizing married folks because you cant get same.

You no wan marry but u still wan chop centre meat. I pity your girlfriend and other people u go deceive. In the end your type dey marry even turn marriage councellor... mtchwwwww!

I want to sincerely appreciate you for this insightful comment.
Thank you sir.

These are good points. Nonetheless, relationships will still remain unhealthy if we continue to nurse our ego-vanity. Doing some things to please the other all in the name of peace and selfish love will only foster the ego in them. Every expectation is a demand.

The real task of every human lies in exterminating the ego-the desire for validation. Then we will live a much happier life.

As suggested by some people that marriage may be the needed solution for a young person struggling with sexual temptation, how feasible is it?

A lot of spiritual-minded persons find sexual sins as the only obstacle that may bar their way to the kingdom of heaven, hence the decision to marry early in other to render the gnarwing desires quiescent under the permissible cover of marriage.
But it was said that many may be alarmed that things were not much different.

Would there still be a consistent need to struggle with especial discipline after marriage to live chaste?

Just like the op, I need help. No joke, this is a really critical issue. I tell people that marriage and procreation are meant just for life on earth so why attach so much importance to it. But i don't walk the talk.

The vicious cycle of rising and falling. A life that falls short of its moral and spiritual ideals.

I am getting seriously restless in recent times due these conflict of desires within me. Poor relationship with friends and family out my innate desire to always be alone. String of unsatisfying romances, the perception of the imperfect human and society, short-lived relationships, the desire to love and be loved but not wanting to be attached. Its really perplexing. But I observed that this kind of unhappy living is common among the Virgos signs.

I have read several good books that are helpful but keep find myself feeling uneasy, seeking further help. What's really wrong?

What is it about this law that most people treat it with dread? The law of karma is the law of sowing and reaping. The law of reciprocity. Many find comfort in the words of the church that say 'Forgiveness through the saviour has become a letter of safe conduct provided in the end, they embrace the faith', 'Christ has taken away the burden of our guit'.This is man's greatest enemy. The genesis of every unhealthiness on earth today.

Christ said that 'whatever a man sows that shall he reap'. What we sow in our actions and words, we reap many times over. Our thoughts, too, are not spared. They are living realities. We are answerable even for the most careless thinking. This law permeates everything in creation, every fibre, every plant, drop of water, every movement, strand of hair, etc.

If some people think that with earthly burial everything is over and balanced, know this that the dissolution of the physical body does not prevent the reaction. It must surely come whether here on earth or hereafter. Let's us try to adjust our ways and live accordingly.

That's why Christ also admonishes us 'to love our neighbours as ourselves', 'do unto others as you would like to be done by'. For no man sows rye and expects to reap rice. Hence, the reality of this law, the law of karma.

Why do we most times like to evade this fact and prefer to cast the responsibility on something else?

.

jealousy is not a fruit of the spirit.