₦airaland Forum

Btw, some of us women have never worn Brazilian hair, do not have the latest phones and any owambes are once or twice a year. I say this to broaden the discussion and make it clear that it's not necessarily a case of baboon dey work, monkey dey chop.

My view is probably skewed because I have always stayed around women who work as much as if not more than the men. From the "Alarobo" women who get on trucks to buy from interior villages and sell in the market, to the School teachers, to the Nurses, Accountants, etc The Multinational I worked at in Nigeria was almost 55-60% women.

My mom just retired last year at close to 60 and next thing she has already started another one. And everyday she always wake up to go and work for the past 36yrs of her life. She had kids who went to University, Had a husband and a family too

So I get pissed when I see young able bodied women who think nature has given them the anatomy to get fed for life. And in truth its the no income generating ones that have outrageous tastes. A woman who knows how hard it is to make $10 wont open her mouth to tell you "How much is $700 that you cant dash me".

If boys and girls are equally educated then they should both work to contribute to family and society except in those afore mentioned cases

What do you think the life of a typical stay home Mom is?

Wake up, Husband goes to work and kids go to school by 8am, Wash 4-5 plates, Picks up phone gist with friend or visit other non working friends, Turns on TV to watch Nollywood, Eat, Sleep again. wake up by 4pm pick up kids back from school, Warm the food she prepared 2 days ago. And complain how hard it is to sit at home

MMotimo: Agree that people change but what are the chances that one partner will suddenly change. I know it happens but what percentage? Consider that marriage itself is a risk, you only pray that it is successful and you put in the work to make that happen. At the end of the day, I believe it is safe to say that on average, the majority of Naija marriages succeed.

How many human being would knowingly see a demon and marry him, Some were deceived, Some didnt even see that part of their Spouse and some changed during the marriage due to whatever reason. The Pray part is Ok but you need to do more than pray

Get an insurance vs Pray i never get an accident
Get an alternate source of income vs Pray i never lose my current job

I know life is a risk, Some people have given complete strangers their life saving and he didnt run with it, But Would I advise anyone to do that? Heck NO

Marriage success I wont know how you define it. o But those men in UNILAG every night carrying babes all have "succesful marriages" and even those women in the video

When I talk about courtship, I'm relating it to knowing the kind of person you are marrying and for you both to discuss what your priorities are and how to get there. You are a couple so that you can AGREE on stuff together.

A lot change. COurtship typically between a 27yr old guy with 3 pairs of jeans and 2 shirt with a 23yr old girl whose idea od life is Happily living after.

What reality of life do those 2 know at that time of courtship.

Compare the thinking of that 27/23yr old courting couple living with parents to the realities of life a 40/36yr old couple face.

From your views, would seem like only a lazy woman stays home. I find that so odd. Do you Just say that or do you really believe there is no value to staying home to raise your kids.

There are some genuine reasons a woman/partner can stay at home, health, education, planning a family etc. But making a career out of staying at home (Which involves no income) is what I frown at.

1. What happens when the income bringing partner falls sick or die? Answer, God would never allow that
2. What happens when the income making partner lose the job? Answer: God would never allow that to happen
3. What happens when the income making partner gets bored of the marriage and wants out? Answer: God would never allow that to happen.

Being a stay at home, No income generating wife would be something I would never want my sisters, Wife or daughter to be

MMotimo: @ dayokanu

Can we agree that courtship and to some extent, the couple's background play a major role in the way abuse occurs.

I have been married a while and I have seen a lot of marriages. In every single case of abuse that I have seen, the woman has an income. The story you told is the unusual, not the norm.

P.S. English is not my first language so no big grammar o

People from various background go through abuse, Xtian, Moslems, Monogamous Polygamous, Educated, non educated etc

And Courtship only reveal so much about a person. Moreover people change. All the couples beating one another and killing one another at a point in time had wonderful courtships and even believed they were in Paradise.

The best thing IMO is to be prepared for eventualities and make it easier for you to adapt. I know Nigerians would say Pray God gives you a good man a decent man a this a that who wont do this and that.

Call your Father in Law in Ghana to come and pick his wife

Women and their wahala sha, Hope in 30yrs time another woman wont be having the same complaints about you

If it was the mother bathing with her daughter would it have been abuse?

or if it was the woman bathing with the son?

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A-40:
Don't tell me you are one of those that believe that megedefegede about weakening a rival! Dortmund got Gundogan from Nuremburg Reus from Gladbach I don't see anyone accusing them of weakening a club

Dortmund is about getting De bruyne from Leverkusen and also hijack Sokratis

Every big club in Europe does it

Where did Man Utd get RVP, Jones, Rio Valencia, Ashley young, Carrick Rooney etc from was it not from EPL rivals?

Na JJC for European football dey yarn that one

Were we not alive when Juventus in one fell swoop took away Buffon, Thuram, Canavaro, Di Vaio all from Parma and the earth did not fall

ileobatojo: The same Nigerian men I've seen chopping inexplicable amounts of shyte? Abeg make we hear word. You men are chopping shyte on a daily basis the world over. How many of you are divorcing your wives? If you're not kicking them to the curb by the millions, then it goes without saying that you are chopping untold amounts of shyte.

Any man chopping shyte and not kicking the woman to the curb probably has something else he is gaining from the relationship

And in most cases its the women who suffer from these family breakdown

ileobatojo: That doesn't hold water because the man being the provider is one of the most notable gender role in marriage in our society. If you will unwaiveringly abolish that one and delegate your own primary role to be shared by both of you then it would be quite hypocritical of you to assign the vast majority of the household work to one person due to gender roles. If you plan to assign gender roles, then you must assign them across the board not changing things up as it suits you.

The wife doing most of the cooking while I do most of the cleaning isnt that sharing responsibility enough?

When the car has a fault, does he women too open the bonnet and change oil while the man cross his leg inside the car painting his nails?

When there is a heavy load to be carried does the woman carry the heavier while the man carry a little?

^^ Condoleeza Rice was Secretary of State without ever being married

John McCain, Newt Gingrch were all divorcees

A-40:
If it wasn't about the Euros why did they put a buyout clause? Maybe they didn't think we would match it! It also smacks of greed on their part. Anyway I heard the man just re-signed a few more players with no buyout clause this time

He has resigned almost all his players without a Buyout clause, Reus still has a buyout clause though

Gotze agents told Bayern they wanted a Buyout clause, Bayern told him to Bleep off.

This is BAYERN not Small club Dortmund

zibiah: @Dayokanu am beginning to get a little bit confused with ur views. I quiet understand n agree with ur stand dat a woman should be financially independent n ve a source of income. But from ur last post are u saying dat a woman should not just make a living but must earn a particular amount of money b4 she can be respected and avoid abuse?
Looking at ur last analogy it is very possible for a woman to be abuse weather or not she earns an income, but she can only leave if she earns a substantial amount of income.......what really is ur point?

Your expenses fall within your income is the summary of that post

Not earn 70k and spend 300k a month. How can you support yourself alone without depending on another person?

If you earn 100k and already have a lifestyle of 300k Someone else has to support that, And that might be a reason for clinging on to abuse in marriage instead of leaving

ileobatojo: I would recommend not wasting your time. He is not a credible holder of those views. The same person that says a woman and man must contribute their worth financially is the same one that will say "say wetin happen" when the wife asks him to soothe his own crying baby in the middle of the night. He is also the same one that sees the housework as the womans job mainly.

I am for each party contributing financially to the household

Also needs to be said that we should also know roles for genders differ.

If we cook 100 times in the house The woman would do majority of it and if we do fixing household appliances like spoilt bulb, Spoilt electrical appliance I do majority

If my wife resumes at 7am, I resume at 10am and baby crying at 3am, definitely I pick the baby.

cotton101: you made me laugh this afternoon - these are the same things my ex's sisters told me, i should just manage, don't leave or else he will bring one of his girlfriends into the home, i told them (at the airport) they should come and "enjoy" what i have been enjoying . chei so i wife beater is a good man cos he buys SUV - i laugh in german.

thank God for financial independence - at least one of the many things my father pumped iinto my head b4 passing away was to make sure all his daughters were on the right path to get educated and be financialy independent.

nobody is saying that my having your own money u should disrespect your husband but these women in the video are pathetic and shameful, instead of accepting it encourage an atmosphere where there is mutual respect so that children grow up and have healthy marriages.

Thank God for you and your Fathers teachings. Without the tools to get out most women in your shoes would have stayed and become punchbags and STD carriers especially in a society like Nigeria where there are no safety nets for such women

MMotimo: How many families living in Naija have only one income?

How many of the abused women have no income?

Can the womans income take care of all her needs and wants without depending on the man?

A girl earning 70k a month is also earning an income but is that enough for her Dubai trips, London Vacation, Brazilian hair, BB Z10, Lekki phase one neighbourhood and tear rubber Hyundai Elantra she drives?

MMotimo: @ dayokanu

One day, I hope we can have a conversation. I'm curious to know why you have such strong views about this

Yes Madam Anytime

In my service year in Nigeria, I did some Social work with the WHO I saw a lot of abused women and their story always same pattern

You would bring them tell them all the sweet things in the world, You mustnt take this abuse bla bla, Psyche them up. Organize symposiums etc

In 2 months time we would hear she is back to her abuser, When you ask her she would say the small #2,000 we gave her didnt last for more than 3 weeks and she had to eat. The only guaranteed meal ticket was the man- The initial abuser or other men (aka prostitutionn) And it was in a Shariah State where the Hisbah would round them up and beat them.

A woman who lost an eye or a tooth cant be staying because of Mrs Tag rather because of the need to feed which supersedes all things

lady gogo: "As long as some women are lazy and still see marriage as a meal ticket, these abuse wont stop anytime soon"



But i still think it has more to do with the 'mrs' tag. you know being called 'madam'. if it had to do with money a lot of the middle-upper class women would have left their husbands their dead marriages ages ago. it's going to take a really strong and independent minded married woman to leave her marriage and not bat an eyelid in that Obodo Nigeria.

How many of these abused women would stay married for Mrs tag to a broke man

Typically this is how the conversation goes

Woman: My Husband beats me and cheats on me

Friend:Sorry I feel for you, Does he provide for the family?

Woman: Yes he has been carrying the burden of my finances ever since, shopping in Dubai and London vacation, even just bought me a SUV

Friend: My sister You better stay there, You are lucky o, "Good men" like that are scarce, You just have to endure, All men cheat and beat their wives, You are even lucky he hasnt brought the other women home

Assume the first response was "he doesnt provide anything for the House , I am even the one fending for myself"

I am sure the friends response would have been "So what are you waiting for or why havent you left him"

Gaggi: Signs of the times. Poverty and hunger makes people take BS. A man who feeds and clothes u will give u shyte no doubt about that. Instead of advocating divorce and women lib and all that nonsense, feminist should pull resources and form an NGO that will empower these women so they can have self worth and independence.

Telling women not to take nonsense frm men and all that crap won't work because the woman must eat. If she files for divorce and isn't doing anything tangible then she will have to depend on a man again who will see her as a liability. It's a chain reaction. Break d jinx and empower a woman financially.

Now we are talking.

Telling these women to leave abusive relationships when they dont have any means to survivve other than those same abusive men is Dead on arrival

First step empower these women to be financially independent.

Yorubas say "Bi owo eni ko ba te eeku ida, a ki bere iku to pa Baba eni - Literal translation : Until you are empowered with a sword before you can demand to know what killed your father

jidegirl12: Human They blame all their dilemma on somebody, nobody want to be responsible for their own action as adults.

If their life is wayward and nothing to write about but jargons : blame it on their moms and poor upbringing.

If they decided to be lazy even tho their mom was against the idea, they blame it on the man.

Eventually the man start to abuse them, they start to cry foul again

Life's how you make it, continue blaming your own fault on somebody else, As you lay your bed they say

God dey

Abi now, Whats more convenient than blaming someone else.

The same mother who was waking up at 6am to go to market selling pepper to send her to school suddenly became the one who encouraged her to be a leech on another human, Not their own inherent laziness

Buy me brazilian, buy me blackberry, buy me lace, buy me this buy me that

50calibre: I am in no way commending or advocating violence against women, that's for savages. What I'm against is this whole (fairly new) mentality of women feeling they are equal to men.

To be taken seriously as a feminist, you have to act like one. True feminists dont rely on anyone, they feel offended having a man buy them things, they are not ashamed to take a man on a date and pay for it unfortunately all Nigerian women see are the rebellious aspect and fail to rise to the challenge in other aspects.

Until Nigerian women learn to be independent Financially, mentally, psychologically, men will always be gods.

Nail on head.

When it comes to Benefits they remember we are equal

When it comes to responsibility You hear I am a lady

If it comes to getting salary We are equal

If it comes to lift this heavy stuff, It becomes Women are not designed for hardwork

You cant be looking for a man who would be responsible for a large part of your finances and still demand equality. He who pays the piper..
Another topic for another thread

jennykadry: @ Topic

Do we blame our mothers for this weird mentality? I don't think so.....as an adult you should be responsible for your own beliefs and actions

No mother is to blame for this. Its the individual.

Its just a cheap excuse to avoid responsibility.

Most of our grandfathers were Polygamous, while a lot of our fathers generation didnt embrace Polygamy.

Nashville:
Please do not blame religion but blame self esteem. This is how many Nigerian girls are brought up, they are told as long as the man provides, then he is fine. No religion preaches staying with a husband that perpetually cheats on you and beats you to death.

On the contrary if these ladies followed the teachings of the bible before getting married, they most likely will never be in those situation because they would never have married men that have no fear of God!

Nail on the Head

The moment Nigeria women stop worshipping money and try to make a living on their own while being able to live within their means this would stop

Most women endure abuse because of laziness and lack of finance.

How many household where the woman is the main earner would she be getting beat up like drum set

jennykadry: rat poison kwa? Ota pia pia

Nigerians living in nigeria still have a long way to go. Look at that eejit willing to stay in an abusive marriage if her man is taking care of her.

When I told people that being abused in a marriage is related to lazy and women not being able to fend for themselves, Some people here raised voices.

now real people have spoken

As long as some women are lazy and still see marriage as a meal ticket, these abuse wont stop anytime soon

frankkky: i beg to disagree,everyone has an excuse in this world,obama did not have a father figure but look at what he is today,i know many people were grew up without both parents but made something out of their lives.lets stop creating excuses where there is none,a child brought up under the watchfull eyes of both parents can still err,let GOD just take be taking care of our kids for us while we do our best

Obama was raised by his grand parents

Research have shown that children raised by single parents tend to exhibit more deviant behaviour than those raise in a 2 parent household

kamelonaire: I don't even know wat bring dis argument, with dis development oyo never reach my state. Ogun state

Congratulations on what Ogun State has done.

We from Oyo are not interested in any comparison or d1ckk measuring competition

A-40:
These band of ingrates really need to stop their bloodclot crying! After saving them from bankruptcy and giving them Mats Hummels u would think they would show some gratitude 37million euros is more than enough for a competent replacement

Dont mind the hypocrites

BvB two weeks ago tried to approach Julian Draxler who was in contract with Schalke

Yesterday Watzke reported to have hijacked the Leverkusen deal with Sokratis Yet they are complaining about big bad Bayern

Völler: "Everyone knows they were upset a few weeks ago when Götze left them. In the case of Sokratis they are being hypocritical. I can only laugh about that. We had an agreement and then other arguments came into play. Dortmund now have a suitcase full of money thanks to the Götze deal."

Holzhäuser: "Mr Watzke and his people moaned about not being informed and talked about solidarity. It was well known to the rest of the league that we had an agreement with Sokratis. I..."

http://www.bild.de/sport/fussball/rudi-voeller/attacke-gegen-bvb-boss-watzke-30517184.bild.html

debosky: Nah, the celebrations were aimed at Spurs - if you beat your local rivals even to a spoon, it matters. The players only showed their connection to what the fans feel.

Anyhoo, back to the matter at hand - Bayern will choke for a second time running, despite outspending Dortmund on possibly every measure.

How can someone talk about a team choking when his team has been out since February. What do you now call that?

8 seasons No trophy. How you people manage to sleep at night still baffles.

No wonder Edoyad took the easy and honorable way out

Lebron James win it

Wade fouls George

3 point foul

Na wa oo