jennykadry: @ Topic

Do we blame our mothers for this weird mentality? I don't think so.....as an adult you should be responsible for your own beliefs and actions

No mother is to blame for this. Its the individual.

Its just a cheap excuse to avoid responsibility.

Most of our grandfathers were Polygamous, while a lot of our fathers generation didnt embrace Polygamy.

Nail on the Head

The moment Nigeria women stop worshipping money and try to make a living on their own while being able to live within their means this would stop

Most women endure abuse because of laziness and lack of finance.

How many household where the woman is the main earner would she be getting beat up like drum set

[/quote]

He dey craze??

Excuse me why I go throw up. Ultimate example of sheeple! But then again when your livelihood depends on him solely and your aim in life is to become a Mrs.. Perfect indoctrination gotta hand it to the men! Give accolades where one is due well done!Sexism reigns supreme.. Even when he is beating you.. the hell All men cheat?? triple the hell..
*facepalm**dropmic*

50calibre:

I am in no way commending or advocating violence against women, that's for savages. What I'm against is this whole (fairly new) mentality of women feeling they are equal to men.

To be taken seriously as a feminist, you have to act like one. True feminists dont rely on anyone, they feel offended having a man buy them things, they are not ashamed to take a man on a date and pay for it unfortunately all Nigerian women see are the rebellious aspect and fail to rise to the challenge in other aspects.

Until Nigerian women learn to be independent Financially, mentally, psychologically, men will always be gods.

Nail on head.

When it comes to Benefits they remember we are equal

When it comes to responsibility You hear I am a lady

If it comes to getting salary We are equal

If it comes to lift this heavy stuff, It becomes Women are not designed for hardwork

You cant be looking for a man who would be responsible for a large part of your finances and still demand equality. He who pays the piper..
Another topic for another thread

"As long as some women are lazy and still see marriage as a meal ticket, these abuse wont stop anytime soon"



But i still think it has more to do with the 'mrs' tag. you know being called 'madam'. if it had to do with money a lot of the middle-upper class women would have left their husbands their dead marriages ages ago. it's going to take a really strong and independent minded married woman to leave her marriage and not bat an eyelid in that Obodo Nigeria.

jidegirl12: Human They blame all their dilemma on somebody, nobody want to be responsible for their own action as adults.

If their life is wayward and nothing to write about but jargons : blame it on their moms and poor upbringing.

If they decided to be lazy even tho their mom was against the idea, they blame it on the man.

Eventually the man start to abuse them, they start to cry foul again

Life's how you make it, continue blaming your own fault on somebody else, As you lay your bed they say

God dey

Abi now, Whats more convenient than blaming someone else.

The same mother who was waking up at 6am to go to market selling pepper to send her to school suddenly became the one who encouraged her to be a leech on another human, Not their own inherent laziness

Buy me brazilian, buy me blackberry, buy me lace, buy me this buy me that

dayokanu:
You cant be looking for a man who would be responsible for a large part of your finances and still demand equality. He who pays the piper.....

......is free to beat him (her) up at will...

Gaggi: Signs of the times. Poverty and hunger makes people take BS. A man who feeds and clothes u will give u shyte no doubt about that. Instead of advocating divorce and women lib and all that nonsense, feminist should pull resources and form an NGO that will empower these women so they can have self worth and independence.

Telling women not to take nonsense frm men and all that crap won't work because the woman must eat. If she files for divorce and isn't doing anything tangible then she will have to depend on a man again who will see her as a liability. It's a chain reaction. Break d jinx and empower a woman financially.

Now we are talking.

Telling these women to leave abusive relationships when they dont have any means to survivve other than those same abusive men is Dead on arrival

First step empower these women to be financially independent.

Yorubas say "Bi owo eni ko ba te eeku ida, a ki bere iku to pa Baba eni - Literal translation : Until you are empowered with a sword before you can demand to know what killed your father

A couple who need 2 incomes do not need to be told.

Abuse will occur when financial frustrations set in.

dayokanu:

First step empower these women to be financially independent.

The first step could also be; empower the men to deal appropriately with their anger/control issues and stop beating their wives


If a man has a wife that is a leech and it disgusts him, can't he just chase her away? Why not divorce her and find a working wife instead of turning her into your personal punching bag.

dayokanu:

Now we are talking.

Telling these women to leave abusive relationships when they dont have any means to survivve other than those same abusive men is Dead on arrival

First step empower these women to be financially independent.

Yorubas say "Bi owo eni ko ba te eeku ida, a ki bere iku to pa Baba eni - Literal translation : Until you are empowered with a sword before you can demand to know what killed your father

My name is Inigo Montoya....You killed my father. Prepare to Die!!!


Lmao!! I don't know why that was the first thing that came to mind when I read that.

Sorry! Sorry! Y'all carry on! Serious topic here.

dayokanu:

Nail on head.

When it comes to Benefits they remember we are equal

When it comes to responsibility You hear I am a lady

If it comes to getting salary We are equal

If it comes to lift this heavy stuff, It becomes Women are not designed for hardwork

Shoot me then * rolls eyes*

Here's another one; All your aso ebi, Brazilian weaves, pads and tampons , lipsticks and other jungle needs , are all to be taken out from the man's earning as long as he's making enough even tho he's crying inside and saying 'yes dear'

Sisi hum hum hum buhaaaaa !!!

* shut the office door*

lady gogo: "As long as some women are lazy and still see marriage as a meal ticket, these abuse wont stop anytime soon"



But i still think it has more to do with the 'mrs' tag. you know being called 'madam'. if it had to do with money a lot of the middle-upper class women would have left their husbands their dead marriages ages ago. it's going to take a really strong and independent minded married woman to leave her marriage and not bat an eyelid in that Obodo Nigeria.

How many of these abused women would stay married for Mrs tag to a broke man

Typically this is how the conversation goes

Woman: My Husband beats me and cheats on me

Friend:Sorry I feel for you, Does he provide for the family?

Woman: Yes he has been carrying the burden of my finances ever since, shopping in Dubai and London vacation, even just bought me a SUV

Friend: My sister You better stay there, You are lucky o, "Good men" like that are scarce, You just have to endure, All men cheat and beat their wives, You are even lucky he hasnt brought the other women home

Assume the first response was "he doesnt provide anything for the House , I am even the one fending for myself"

I am sure the friends response would have been "So what are you waiting for or why havent you left him"

maclatunji: These women are typical of majority of Nigerian women.

Our Nairaland feminist warriors have a long way to go. I dare say some of them take the things they claim they will never accept online within the confines of their homes.

the feminist warriors only exist on NL - in the real world, they are as quiet as a mouse. if you see anyone championing feminism like her last name on this forum then she's yet to be married or she's a single mother.

@ dayokanu

One day, I hope we can have a conversation. I'm curious to know why you have such strong views about this

How many families living in Naija have only one income?

How many of the abused women have no income?

MMotimo: For the men who want to raise daughters that do not become victims, take time to know whom you are marrying. Look at her background, ask questions, this woman is going to be the mother of your kids. What you join with is what you produce.

That a woman is fertile does not mean she can parent.

i am in trouble then cos i love fertile women. i once emptied my accounts on a pretty calabar chic with fertile hips!

MMotimo: @ dayokanu

One day, I hope we can have a conversation. I'm curious to know why you have such strong views about this

I would recommend not wasting your time. He is not a credible holder of those views. The same person that says a woman and man must contribute their worth financially is the same one that will say "say wetin happen" when the wife asks him to soothe his own crying baby in the middle of the night. He is also the same one that sees the housework as the womans job mainly.

MMotimo: How many families living in Naija have only one income?

How many of the abused women have no income?

Leave Dayo to be cooking things up there. Even in the video, it was only one person out of all the women that said she will stay if he provides. Several said for religious reasons, because you took vows etc. But those ones doesn't suit his rhetoric so their views are to be ignored.

MMotimo: @ dayokanu

One day, I hope we can have a conversation. I'm curious to know why you have such strong views about this

Yes Madam Anytime

In my service year in Nigeria, I did some Social work with the WHO I saw a lot of abused women and their story always same pattern

You would bring them tell them all the sweet things in the world, You mustnt take this abuse bla bla, Psyche them up. Organize symposiums etc

In 2 months time we would hear she is back to her abuser, When you ask her she would say the small #2,000 we gave her didnt last for more than 3 weeks and she had to eat. The only guaranteed meal ticket was the man- The initial abuser or other men (aka prostitutionn) And it was in a Shariah State where the Hisbah would round them up and beat them.

A woman who lost an eye or a tooth cant be staying because of Mrs Tag rather because of the need to feed which supersedes all things

Why are people acting as if we don't advocate for women to empower themselves by being independent?
We have always told women to stop leeching, so you guys should stop acting as if na 'pearls of wisdom' you dey dish out.

Let's not forget marriage is a two way thing. Who are the people going to advise men on how to act right to marriage? A pe.nis is not automatic guarantee for respect.

@ coogar,

I beg you, it is not worth it, no matter how "truthful" the hips



At the rate things are going here, I am in danger of losing my job and having to stay home and my hubby becoming an abuser. Please stop distracting me, we need the income right now

ileobatojo:

Leave Dayo to be cooking things up there. Even in the video, it was only one person out of all the women that said she will stay if he provides. Several said for religious reasons, because you took vows etc. But those ones doesn't suit his rhetoric so their views are to be ignored.

MMotimo: How many families living in Naija have only one income?

How many of the abused women have no income?

Can the womans income take care of all her needs and wants without depending on the man?

A girl earning 70k a month is also earning an income but is that enough for her Dubai trips, London Vacation, Brazilian hair, BB Z10, Lekki phase one neighbourhood and tear rubber Hyundai Elantra she drives?

ileobatojo:
Yeah, a wise and refined woman will not blindly tolerate repeated physical abuse or blatant, unrepentant, disrespectful cheating on the part of her husband. That is the subject of this video.

this is unadulterated baloney!

what majority of the women on that video said is the truth and the wisest decision they can take. there's a huge incentive for women that divorce their husbands abroad - whether the women work or not. the women still get to keep the house and she gets child support on a monthly basis from their husbands.

asking nigerian women to skindive into divorce without a landing pad for them is just like asking them to commit suicide. they are well aware the law does not really cater for them so they are not ready to leave their husbands. you think if the same laws that apply in the UK are the ones being used in nigeria, women won't leave? our own naija women? you must be having a laugh!

While we work on the woman to be empowered, men usually sit back to be screaming feminism like chickens. What do men want?

dayokanu:

How many of these abused women would stay married for Mrs tag to a broke man

Typically this is how the conversation goes

Woman: My Husband beats me and cheats on me

Friend:Sorry I feel for you, Does he provide for the family?

Woman: Yes he has been carrying the burden of my finances ever since, shopping in Dubai and London vacation, even just bought me a SUV

Friend: My sister You better stay there, You are lucky o, "Good men" like that are scarce, You just have to endure, All men cheat and beat their wives, You are even lucky he hasnt brought the other women home

Assume the first response was "he doesnt provide anything for the House , I am even the one fending for myself"

I am sure the friends response would have been "So what are you waiting for or why havent you left him"

you made me laugh this afternoon - these are the same things my ex's sisters told me, i should just manage, don't leave or else he will bring one of his girlfriends into the home, i told them (at the airport) they should come and "enjoy" what i have been enjoying . chei so i wife beater is a good man cos he buys SUV - i laugh in german.

thank God for financial independence - at least one of the many things my father pumped iinto my head b4 passing away was to make sure all his daughters were on the right path to get educated and be financialy independent.

nobody is saying that my having your own money u should disrespect your husband but these women in the video are pathetic and shameful, instead of accepting it encourage an atmosphere where there is mutual respect so that children grow up and have healthy marriages.

dayokanu:

Can the womans income take care of all her needs and wants without depending on the man?

A girl earning 70k a month is also earning an income but is that enough for her Dubai trips, London Vacation, Brazilian hair, BB Z10, Lekki phase one neighbourhood and tear rubber Hyundai Elantra she drives?

Dayo, we will have the conversation but not right now because it would be rushed, it is going to be an Omo Iya kind. You are probably at work too.

damilola_luv: I think that is more of a fetish. S & M but a lot of women are not like this. How many actually ask men to beat them? Anyone who enjoys such has obviously got a loose screw somewhere.

Unfortunately, I've come to notice that MOST female love Fetish acts, masochism, B.DS.M, Chauvanism or however one may describe it.

Its even evident in lesbian relationships. So, its not just a man versus woman kind of thing.

The only difference is that some like it on a high tempo while others like it tonned down.

Sexual gratification, false sense of feeling wanted, insecurities, traumatic childhood experience, material things, culture and religion may have conditioned them this way.

I, However have my reservations only if its on sexual gratifications.

stillwater: Why are people acting as if we don't advocate for women to empower themselves by being independent?
We have always told women to stop leeching, so you guys should stop acting as if na 'pearls of wisdom' you dey dish out.

Let's not forget marriage is a two way thing. Who are the people going to advise men on how to act right to marriage? A pe.nis is not automatic guarantee for respect.

and you know this because? you have a dangling one between your thighs? sorry madam, without the pēnis, you wouldn't even be married!

MMotimo:
@ coogar,
I beg you, it is not worth it, no matter how "truthful" the hips

i am far too gone now to turnaround. if the hips are not fertile, i am not interested. i don't mind a rabid woman as long as she's fertile.

50calibre:

I am in no way commending or advocating violence against women, that's for savages. What I'm against is this whole (fairly new) mentality of women feeling they are equal to men.

To be taken seriously as a feminist, you have to act like one. True feminists dont rely on anyone, they feel offended having a man buy them things, they are not ashamed to take a man on a date and pay for it unfortunately all Nigerian women see are the rebellious aspect and fail to rise to the challenge in other aspects.

Until Nigerian women learn to be independent Financially, mentally, psychologically, men will always be gods.

I don't understand you. You say all these but when a girl does the above you guys start crying about feminism.

coogar:

and you know this because? you have a dangling one between your thighs? sorry madam, without the pēnis, you wouldn't even be married!

Mr man, respect is earned! Simple and short. Angela Merkel the German prime minister, no pe.nis. Are you more respected than her?