₦airaland Forum

Thanks everyone, for your time

coogar: the discipline part is easy......
i would use my dad's methods. he used to sit me down like his mate and reel out what's expected of me. he provided the tools(hundreds of text books) and my task is to read and do well in school. the few times i did not do what i promised, he withdrew all the privileges(i wasn't even allowed to watch football on the TV) until i fulfilled my promise.

by age 14, i already knew he wouldn't compromise his standard for anyone so i understood him very well on that angle. he couldn't be bothered about the aspects of discipline like house chores and stuff. as long as a child is sound in school, the other stuff as far as he's concerned are irrelevant!

I like the talking part. It works.

jidegirl12: You see, don't want to be devil's advocate on this Topic, whatever works for you may not work for me blah blah to each and his own crap

I don't Hit/spank my kids, I've tried seizing toys and all that but it didn't work for me so I don't need lectures ....... the only discipline I do is naughty corner/ timeout/go to your room and your TV& gadgets off and course Talk they are human with ears too.

Yeah...It's very Normal way of life for us. We are fine and dandy

is alright. I understand.

jidegirl12: Yeah .... they're not dumb, going thru all that trouble won't be necessary ... You know what ? Everybody should raise theirs as they like. Tats!

actually that wasnt to you. My question to you is above.

.

Home-training: Age appropriate Household chores in place and must be done without withdrawing any privilege typical treats Nah just a waste of time.

how is this? without hitting and without privilege removal?

Does it just become the normal daily routine without qualms?

damiso: Without the above, discpline will be verrrry hard.
E.g. No Disneyland if your grades dont improve.It just gives an incentive to want to work harder or a consequence if the work is not put in.Does not take away the fact that you can afford Disneyland either way.

You express it better.

coogar: i concur....
my children are going to be very "spoilt". i was spoilt and i cannot say it didn't work out. why settle for less with my kids. everyone's prayers/effort should be centred around giving a much more better life to the kids so they can pass it on to their own offspring as well.....

That is how I think. I usually have what I want. well, after understanding my boundaries.

But I also know what it is like to not have some things you want.

I just don't want that feeling for my children.

How confident they are, how they relate with others, etc can be affected by it.

So what do you think of the discipline part. would the withdrawal method be perfect?

ileobatojo: I will also add that by giving them everything they want, apart from teaching them coping skills, you would also be eliminating a huge block of discipline techniques that should be applied to children. No beating and yelling (which I'm completely fine with) + no utilization of natural consequences (cause and effect) + no utilization of taking away privileges + no utilization of negative re-inforcement; does not leave you with a lot to work with in terms of discipline techniques.

I just have to agree with you.Totally.

The method of discipline has to be the privileges withdrawal method and giving all would disallow that.

I think withdrawing would send a very strong signal to a child used to having his way, making it very effective.

ileobatojo: I see, so basically, everytime your kids ask for something and you can afford it/you can do it, you plan to say yes? That is more in support of the latter scenario than the former to me.

Ultimately, it's your choice to do this. But the answer to your question is that it's a bad idea.

Actually, this is just like the stares I was talking about.


I am not trying to change your opinion of it but trying to understand what makes it a bad idea.


Yes. My plan was to give all I can afford but now with a little modification of boundaries in budgetary terms.

biolabee: Is the op and mamajhyde the same persin

are you a learner?

ileobatojo: Bad idea. They will eventually have to leave you someday and live in the real world on their own. In the real world, do people get everything they want? How will they cope with the realities of life when they have been coddled for the first couple of decades of their life? How will they suddenly start adjusting when they have had no practice learning survival/coping skills? The fact that one can afford the world doesn't mean you should say yes to everything. It is good to say no even if you can afford it. Giving them 'everything they want' also means you may have to adjust your life to fit their every want. Are you really ready to be your children's puppet?

To me there is a difference in saying you want to give them the finer things in life (the best things) vs you want to give them everything they want. Did you mean the former?



Nothing wrong with this. There are many (and better/more effective) ways to discipline a child without beating, shouting at or bullying them. Just be sure to discipline.

I mean the former, actually.

Deliberately saying No doesnt have to be the way they see the other side of life IMHO. there are other ways like not making the perfect grade or not winning a football competition

jidegirl12: Can you define ' Spoil ' in context of this discussion??

Want and Need .... what if you provide both? Hence OP 's question Does that make them BAD??

Abi. Some people fail to see the question being asked. They have their own ideas or agenda to propagate.

Thanks for hammering it.

jokepearl: We are human beings and naturally selfish. Except a child is molded, or trained, they will grow up to be selfish. I doubt there is a way to instill discipline while letting a child ALWAYS have their way. E.g naturally no child wants to do any house chore, allowing the child to have his/her way means no house chores.........

Also children are human beings and children, most of their wants have no sensible basis, e.g a child is bored in the store may suddenly want a toy which is a replica of one he/she already owns. A teenage girl may want an ugly shoe which she personally doesn't like but wants it because the most popular girls in sch has it. for this scenarios, letting the child has his/her way means letting them have it anyway despite ..........

Also children always test boundaries, if none is set, they will keep pushing until they ask you for the moon. Do you have the moon to give?

hmmn. This makes sense.

I see a kid who has a bank account. Beyond which he can not spend.

There is a boundary with financial management being taught early on.

But then, age will have a role to play.

good write-up.

Everyone has to decide what it is their own role would be.

Morayo747: Very dangerous . Then they will grow up to be selfish adults who can't take no for an answer and think they must have everything they want.

actually, I am more interested in this view point.

Is there a way of instilling the 'dont be selfish' attitude even when they have what they want?

something like, what you have is a priviledge. Not everyone has it. You should be thankful for it. You should appreciate your parents for it and you should work hard if you want to continue to have it so good.

and btw, I was also talking about beating, shouting at, etc.

has the sparing of the rod really spoilt the Child?

yellowpawpaw: So on point!
After spoiling them,be ready to dance to d beat when they start playing!

can you expatiate ?.

"come and tell me what to do with my kids" is a sign of laziness and maybe deeper problems, imo. A woman should not be proud to say such in public, doesnt speak well.

You are now going overboard and is the problem with you.

I get the point of saying home training is what matters as limiting the needs of others haven't proven to create better people.

[quote author=tpia@]someone was pointing out elsewhere, that a person who doesnt have the same type of father as another person, will feel bad whenever others are interacting with their own fathers, if their relationship with their dad isnt exactly the same as her or his own [ie the primary person being discussed].

my response was everybody is not the same, i see no reason why people should make themselves miserable simply because others dont have their identical family history and dynamics.

likewise, as per topic, if you are not committing armed robbery in order to keep up with the joneses, how you decide to raise your child is up to you.

most nlers here do not seem to have been taught the basics of home training, or maybe they were taught but it didnt sink in.

I think home training should be the primary asset given to a child regardless of the parents financial status.[/quote]Actually, there is no doubt about how important home training is and is not the matter of discourse here.

I am only asking of people's opinions on letting Children have their way.

lineal: I agree; Mea Culpa. I'll remove my insults. Instead of participating in analysing the match, we got bogged down in unproductive back and forth.

I knew you were a good boy

Siena: There's nothing wrong with indulging your children - up to a point. I think it's more about wanting them to have everything they need. Not want, else there's nowhere to draw the line.

You need to differentiate between "wants" and "needs".

I think the wants are subject to the environment they grow in.Would it be wrong to have what everyone else has?

biolabee: Can you define what you mean by 'spoiling'

I feel pampering is a better word as spoiling connotes rottenness

You want to give them everything they want or need

Pampering is an ok word. But I used spoiling to stress what I have in mind. You know, when you go to a luxury hotel/resort and they say things like, let us spoil you a little..

I have plans of 'spoiling' my Children.
When people hear this, they give me curious glances as if there is something wrong with it.

I just want them to have everything they want.
No one would be allowed to beat, bully, shout at or hurt them. Do these make them bad people?

I think all of these define being a good mother.

Do you think differently? I want honest opinion please?

kai. how did this thread get to this section?

should have been in jokes

[quote author=tpia@]well, that may be so, but its still assumption.

i suppose what you're going by is intuition, cant knock that but doesnt mean its always 100% else you'd be a seer.[/quote]Unfortunately you are right.

She stayed on and waited till she was going to die?
I dont think she wrote this. Her relatives must have done it after her death to punish the man.

and @ op/journalist. There is nothing Islamic about what he did.

Whoever even listens to his sorcery has gotten into idol worship let alone the sorcerer.

lineal: You're too stunted to even comprehend your own compositions. So, I am not surprised my attempt to educate you has flown right over your head.

Next time, engage your brain before you post damning generalisations about an entire race. Olodo.

pele o. ma binu ana soo tigbo.


I woke up feeling guilty pe mo ti bu e ju. I was Hi on the ability to see Nigeria play ni.


Now pls wash those

adefemi007: football is truly 4 d men

dont anger me o.

You didnt see my name?

[quote author=tpia@]basically, i see no reason why as a muslim, she cant go to mecca if its required of muslims? [/quote]makka becomes compulsory only when you have the means. when she starts going to people to beg for it, her case becomes doubtful.

[quote author=tpia@]seems to me she wouldnt be scrutinized or doubted if she were white or a different ethnicity.





read my comment above.





no i dont know her and no, i'm not the one.

like i've said before, no be my type una dey find as convert? [/quote]Sh3 wouldnt be scrutinised if She wanted to know more about Islam, was talking about the beauty of Islam. But her constant mention of the need to go for hajj made her case doubtful.

plus, there were scammers in the past.