₦airaland Forum

...

wont it melt in summer? or bend or shrink or??

I have been looking for the wish and just found it. It is beautiful and well thought of.

Hope you will wish me happy ileya at the right time

funny thread.

water is better. Wash your hands afterwards.

Wizeboy: INTER-TRIBAL marriage is very fascinating and as well very complicating.

In as much as Inter-tribal marriage has advantages, it also has some disadvantages BUT either of the advantages or disadvantages are always self-made. How successful inter-tribal marriage will be, always buoy down to the individuals involved and their level of tolerance and love that exist between both parties in order for them to overcome some of the challenges they will experience along the line in their marriage.

We should however know that inter-tribal marriage working for some people DOES NOT mean that it will always work for everybody; it all depends on somebody's ideology and desire of what he/she want.

This does not however, mean that when somebody say he/she cannot go into inter-tribal marriage that such person is TRIBALISTIC or DISCRIMINATING or not appreciating/acknowledging that, we are all created by God; is just base on the person choice, which in as much as I know is NEVER a SIN.

Though ISLAM really encourage inter-tribal marriage BUT it is never mandatory because I have also never came across any Qur'an Verse or Hadith that mandated that people MUST marry from other tribe as against their wish.

On a final note, everybody has it choice in life, and once the choice never go against Islamic injunctions, I don't think we should force our own idea down the throat of others (we can only express our opinion). Everyone of us know her limit of tolerance and what he/she really want for herself and her future... and what has worked and still working for some people might not work for others; that is why is good to know what we want in order to save ourselves the stress of been regretting in the future.

May Almighty Allah continue to guide us through the right path and let our desires go along with HIS decree upon us in every aspect of our life (Amin)!

You are just so wise.

I dont think I need to say anything on this any longer. You captured it all.

tbaba1234: I am also a product of inter-tribal marriage. My mum is from the north and my dad is from the south south.

Yes, that far. My mum speaks my dad's language, hausa, yoruba and even some igbo.

My parents have been married for over 30 years and there were some tough periods from dad's family but nobody can even make those noises today.

Marriages from the same tribe have similar challenges. If it is not about languages or tribe, it will be about the village, you come from or the state. If not, it will be about the street or the children.

Even in homes where they are from same street, there would be problems. It is not easy staying with a person for that long without issues. It is how you manage them.

There is a good chance, I will be marrying outside my tribe too.

You see, you can write like this and I will have no problem with it. But making your opinion known and then making it seem like it is the Islamic and one way to things is what I will not take.

and if being 'defensive' helps me to achieve that, then maybe learn to accept my defensive nature.

You agree that tribal marriages have difficulties and you want us to accept that those difficulties are in the same grade with intratribal marriages, like seriously?

Among Yorubas, It never matters if you are from the same street or not nor whether you are from the same local government. If you are from Ibadan for example, you are simply from Ibadan. no less. Generally speaking, it does not matter much if you are from Abeokuta or Ibadan. So don't bring the argument of people in intrattibal marriages having similar problems. It appears dishonest to want to make it seem so.

Even among Yorubas, I would still be choosy. Yes. It is all about how culturally ingrained they are. An uneducated Yoruba family for example won't share my ideals to life...These ideals are important.

all the best in your choice. May I ask why you so much want an inter tribal marriage? Why not hope to marry who catches your fancy whether from your tribe or not?. If there is anything that looks weird, it is your position, i tell you. Specifically looking outside your tribe for a wife is beyond me.

aeu1: @Segun and majority of educated Nigerians who has fallen to the allure of bathing with medicated soap in recent years, pls if you care for good advise - which I believe is one of the benefits in a public forum like this, kindly stop using it.
Medicated soap is a drug; a prescription drug for that matter. Self medication worldwide is permissible for OTC - over the counter drugs, eg panadol because they don't have side effect unlike prescription drugs.
What medicated soap does is to fight and kill germs and skin infections. The human body has a natural defense system that attack foreign bodies and protect the entire skin effectively, e.g. if boil appears on your skin, puss may develop as a result of an attack of the infection by the white blood cells. In event of the use of medicated soap regularly, the natural immune system of the skin is weakened as the human body now get accustomed to relying on the antiseptic power of the soap & the bacterias, fungus, etc on the skin will over a period of time learn to tolerate to the attack pattern of the soap and this is how drug resistance is developed to drugs by germs. There will be no observationof a problem until in event of a serious skin sickness or infection that requires doctor's attention. The doctor will prescribe drugs or medicated cream or soap - which will be ineffective because of drug resistance on the skin defense system already.
Summary : one is actually doing more medical harm than good by using prescription drugs (medicated soaps inclusive ) as it results in breeding drug resistance to treatment of diseases whenever an occasion that actually requires the deployment of medicated soap arises. It supposed to be used and withdrawn.
Advise: please revert to TOILET SOAP - there are a 1001 choices to pick from and use Medicated soap or powder for treatment purposes - especially when recommended by a physician. The Tv & radio advert of medicated soap is misleading. A good ordinary soap serves it purpose very well.
@OP
Personally I use Harmony Fruit Soap - I so much love the assorted fragrance of different fruits it has.

You said it all

But the part where you mentioned paracetamol. Too much of it can damage the liver.

onegig: Let me just chip this in. Truth is to each his own beliefs and ideals.


I have seen and have very close relatives who have done the inter tribal or even country marriages but the bottomline is you need lots of sacrifices and hardwork to make it work.

Marriages are more than just the couples alone and many things do come up from their respective families.


There's always that question of identity of the kids and the man may not be too concerned but the lady might be scared of losing one her identity and that of her kids.
Let's be realistic, even if the couple are ready to make things work there is always someone, somewhere in each of the families who would want to scuttle things and make it hard for them. If you can bypass this, then goodluck.

Before anyone goes into one please settle tihings like the identity of the kids so that no one feels cheated along the way, does the whole family agree and appreciate the choice the two are making and other things. Not discouraging anyone just giving an heads up. Marriage is enough problem not to talk of adding that cultural pressure to it.

I have cousins whom I think have that identity crisis. They grew up as Yorubas but their father is not.

People going into these kinds of marriages should know what to expect and if they can deal with them should go ahead.

Allah knows. .

Sissie: It's easy to preach about other people's choices, but people have reasons for that choice.

No one is looking down on the less educated, Aftrall many people don't practice what they studied and no one said every other persons choice must be the one I choose, if it doesn't go against Islam, it's that person's choice. It's not everybody that will go to university or need to go to one.

I for example have never considered marrying from my tribe, infact I do not want to marry my tribal person, and being a product of intertribal marriage I know the negatives we had to face, we inclined more towards mums culture, elder sis married Yoruba, at first daddy was cool, extended family felt cheated and the problem started. infact it got to the extent we weren't allowed to speak Yoruba (mums tribe) in the house, and until recently that something happened to change my dad's mind I wasn't allowed to come home with a Yoruba suitor, extended family can give you war just because your not their tribe. In a country where many people are so ingrained in their culture, and culture is their identity, I fully understand when someone makes such choice.

Yes their are successful ones, but some people do not want to take chances, besides how do you know for certain his family will treat you well, some family members don't disturb you till after 10-15 years of marriage.

Am not so ingrained in my culture and don't care much about it,am influenced by different cultures and I do not want to marry someone so ingrained in his culture, you hear statements like you must do this that's how it's done in my culture.

Thank you so much for sharing this. It is so so selfless of you.


I don't have to say too much anymore. People should live their lives as they want it but not try to act holy over the choices they make or try to make others feel less of Muslims because of their choices as well.

tbaba1234: You are making this personal and getting defensive.

This is not about you or even your preferences. It is about having the right attitude to those preferences.

What does having the right attitude to preferences mean? and what brought about the need to 'preach' the right attitude to preferences.


I have said it before now. This thread was meant to be personal. Many of us have shared personal experiences and are still sharing it. so it is simply normal that I take this personal. Everything about ethnic preferences discussed here revolves around me. Do you want me to pretend that you wrote the 'attitude to preferences' out of the blue moon and not see it as a response to my earlier posts on preferences? would that not appear as dishonest?

tbaba1234: Different languages and tribes so that we can know one another. That is what the Quran says, not to form a discriminatory mind-set towards others.

What better way to know a tribe than to marry from them? Our languages and cultures are important for identity but we should not stretch them too far outside that domain.

And yes, one can have a preference for something but we should also realise the above and not cast things in stone.

what is discriminatory about that? I did not say they are bad or inferior or not worthy of anything.

I said what I want for my life and how I'd want it to be.

I have friends from different places. If I am discriminatory, will I make them my friends?

It is my choice and it is not against Islam. This discussion becomes valid only if what I am saying is against Islam.

So, if anyone says they will only marry beautiful women, you can call them discriminatory against the not so beautiful? and then preach on how we are all dust??

kulyie: I am not saying a eoman shouldnt support her husband.go back to my post.i am not going to repeat myself again

You have made yourself clear jare. Some people decide to read the wrong meanings.

I thought differently at first, but when you explained, it became enough.

Religion is very important in marriage like many other things. But this issue is not between religion or tribe. I always have a problem with tbaba making it seem like people doing things differently are committing a sin. You can marry someone from your tribe who is also religious. It is not thatvyou are leaving a religious man for a man from your tribe.

I know of many women who married brothers because they were 'good in the deen'. Is that enough? never.

There are many issues in marriage beyond how well you pray and if you pay zakaat. It is not even enough to have good courtesy..There are other aspects of human life. If you leave them out, you may have problems later. My issue with culture is usually not with the man. I balieve in large families and I can't have one with people whom I can't properly communicate with because of cultural differencea. I am also a very cultural person and won't want to do away with some things simply because I am married to a man from another tribe. They could also be asking me to do stuffs that I don't agree with.

There was a thread on the family section not long ago about a woman whose husband would not let their child speak Yoruba because the wife is Yoruba and he is Esan. She did not envisage such a problem b4 marriage.But now, she has that problem.


There are people who are ready to deaL with whatever comes with such a marriage. There are those who can't. Should we start to rub Quran verses over the faces of others because of their choice?? even when the Quran does not explicitly say that their choice is wrong?

tbaba1234: Education:

Sometimes, we have this way on focusing on extremes. It is not between bill gates and touts.

In the middle, are many decent people with no tertiary education doing well in trade and business.

Just as an economy needs its 'brilliant' minds, it also needs its artisans . They are an important part of the puzzle.

Not everyone is supposed to attend a tertiary institutions and it does not mean they won't succeed in something else.

And there are egotistical men everywhere, it is not peculiar to Nigerian men.

Beyond his lack of degree, I think the following should form the basis of a more important discussion:

I. Does he have a good sustainable source of income?

Ii. Can you interact with him on a decent intellectual level ?

Iii. Will you look down on him? In which case, the problem comes from you.

Iv. Is he looking at making himself better?

V. Most importantly, will he make a good
husband?

I think it is better to look at a case by case basis, sometimes gems come in not so attractive packages.

May Allah grant us the best spouses.

You seem to get the wrong understanding of what played out. Of course, someone has to marry all of these people. They dont automaticlly become unmarriageable because they did not attend a tertiary institution.

Someone asked of how a woman determines her worth. I gave education as an example.

There are other ways of determining her worth. Her financial status can be one. Even her beauty can be another.

We can all go emotional and talk of how money shouldn't matter like education may not be so important. It does not change the fact that she has a status and whether directly or indirectly, it affects her thought on whom to marry or not.

It is still down to preferences..and no one is making anyone accept their way or thought as the best. Since Islam allows you to have these preferences, go ahead if you so wish.

We are all dust by human interaction. But the dustness doesn't make us speak the same languages or love the same food or even wear the same attire.

You can play it down as irrelevant all you want, but for every decision that everyone makes there is a price to pay. They alone get to pay it. It is their life.

tintingz: Sorry sis, a man that say this to you @bold is deceiving you, either you start learning how to cook now or immediately after you are married before he start showing you his true color.

I can cook though..and he was not deceiving me.

I know of a family. The husband does not allow his wife to do anything in the house. He wants her to look clean all the time. and he employed people to do these things for the family.


You all need to stop talking like all men are like you.

Miner13: I am mr wind and you mrs do not touch me.
But get this as well i am always blowing around you.
If you stand the point that i don't know, wel, your post here speak a million about you.

Next time, learn to respect either young or old

You sound confused.
First, you need to be sent to where you can be taught to properly read and write

and then, be taught to reason. Was any of my posts on this thread directed at you before you went haywire referring to my brain??

Who needs to learn to respect the young and the old if not you?? The likes of you are the Op abi??

You are a bush man and should be sent back to where you came from..mtchewww

You are a waste of time. I can't have a reasonable conversation with you. See this as the last.

babygirlfl: My opinion

Was the woman wrong for always shouting at the husband ? Yes. Shouting is a very bad way of communicating.

Was the man wrong for sending her to her parents? Yes

Suggestion of what the man would have done. Sort it as husband and wife.

@ kulyie and deols, you are both cool. I love your stand.

One major problem we have in Nigeria is that most people where brought up in families were women are treated badly. So they grew up thinking it is the right way to be brought up. Even women from such families see it as normal and will call you all sorts of name. You have to understand something which is they do not know better. It is difficult to make such people accept that it is not how life is supposed to be because that is what they have known to be right for a very long time.They will always tell you things like you will die a spinster but that's just ignorance again. Girls like you don't die a spinster. What happens is that you end up marrying men that see their wives as a partner not property. I cry for our people because marriage in Africa is no longer about love but who is head and who should submit and how to be a woman with manners. If only we could teach couple how to love each other all these issues will not be there.

hi5. You are soooo on point.

Miner13: what can you say or put to note that you are just different from the woman in question. Absolutely nothing.
You are just a like bird in that woman world no distint different about either of you.
That you wil ensure his find the way to his parents house to learn how to respect an abusive woman.
I am just too sure and proud that your origin can't stand his. That's why he's not a bush man.

Couples should learn from each other before marriage. Yea you are right on that assumption but what will you say to women that hide their real colour and burst it after they confirmed the wedding certificate.

What this man was able to bear for that period i am sure you will not allow your own elder or junior brother to endure that duration.

Get a brain and teach women around you how to be relevant and tolerant in marriage.
Lol!
You are not exempted either teach yourself

First of all, who are you?. I have only two things to tell you.

1. Respect yourself. The next time you insult me, I will give it back to you. You don't know me. You have no right whatsoever to talk to me like you did.

2. Don't reply me if you can't type in a way that I can understand you. Maybe, go back to school before quoting me again.

coogar: it will not happen to you cos i expect you to know the basics of home keeping. if she cannot cook, it's only right she's sent back to where she can cook.

It will not happen to me simply because I won't marry a bush man. I knew a man who said it doesn't matter if I couldn't cook. I can but what if circumstances would not allow it. Not all men carry food for head like it is the most important thing to life. One only has to find the good one.

What if she can actually cook but he wants it in some special way that she was never exposed to?

hahahaha - nice idea!
i will personally love being sent to my parents in the village to learn how to deal with a woman. this is an opportunity to fiddle with village maidens.

See you. Very quick to go against women but think you can do as you like.

how much of your partner can you learn before marriage. do women not beg their friends to help with the cooking when they are expecting their boyfriends? how is he to know the food was not cooked by his partner? you really dunno how this desperate babes pretend before they cop the ring. true colours glow after marriage, rarely before.

A lot, if you are smart. You once mentioned how much smartness is in you to be able to tell the suissive by how she talks and sits..It has suddenly become uneasy??

And who knows, he could have brought about the change in her. He changed and she reacted by shouting.

nah - this lesson is for every yet-to-be-married woman out there. go & learn how to cook. the standards of nigerian men are now high. we will not put up with rubbish regardless of the academic qualifications of the wife.

How about learning to cook your own food?? Abi you want to starve ni?

Imagine that your wife gets sick, you would ask her to cook still? and you won't be able to be of help to her and your children??

The next generation of men won't be lazy, I believe. They will know how to cook and clean for their own good.

I saw a woman at the hospital yesterday. It was her brother who brought her to the emergency unit.

The complaint? abnormal behaviour. The first question the doctor asked was about her marital status. Brother explained that she recently got divorced.

Nothing in her history says she was beaten. It must have been totally emotional.

Both forms of abuse must be avoided by all means.

I only cyberabuse.

and I do that only to people who abuse me first.

God forgive me.


****

@topic, people can grow thick skin to verbal abuse but no one can be too thick for the physical one. The Physical leaves its evidence on the victim.

So, the physical is seen as worse than the verbal.

No matter what people say to me for example, I can't be bothered since I know myself but if una touch me, I Will cry for dayss.. I know that.

Fulaman198: The more people who attend University, the faster and further this country will progress. We need better laid out infrastructures in Nigeria. We need better laid out network implementations that comprise of fibre networks and 4G LTE connectivity. To this extent education is quite important.

For a nation to stand at the peak, it must have brilliant minds.

True talk.


we need Brilliant Muslims. We need Muslims in decision making positions. We need them to drive growth and development in their immediate surroundings. This will reflect on the nation at large.

There is no excuse at all for ignorance or illiteracy. Nor any for laziness. We've got to dust our coats and get to work.

Esji80: Assalamu alaikum.For those saying yoruba shld marry yoruba,Hausa to Bahaushiya etc...claimng cultural difference would have effect on the marriage...Where does Allah and/or His apostle p.b.u.h said Yorubas shld only marry yorubas ,Hausa etc shld only marry frm their tribes?
Will you disregard sm1 that propoes you for marriage just because he /she is frm a different tribe?

As for me,I can marry any lady frm any tribe Igbo,Hausa,Yoruba,Tangale,etc IF she has d qualities I need and she bears witness that there is no deity worthy of worship except Allah s.w.t and Prophet Muhammad s.a.w is His slave and messenger.


Jazakumullahu khaira

No one said Yoruba must marry Yoruba. I only mentioned what I want. Other people like Sissie said they can marry from any tribe.

babylolaroy: i see y'all

You are welcome dearie and how is your friend?

ileobatojo:

I am surprised she is the one. I probably did not know her well or she changed her style

Danmas: now i gt your point. But your last sentence 'the dark skinned man' is that a neccesity?

Yes. I can't be attracted to a light skinned man. I know that.

It is my preference. Nothing wrong with it.

coogar: check your spam!



a piece of bad yam!

hmmmn.lol. I am not surprised you are on this thread.

I relate with such threads as this, putting myself in the woman's position.

Such will not happen to me o(since i won't marry a bush man) but just imagine that he turns bushy I no go gree o..lailai.

He will have to go back to his own parents too. To learn how to deal with a woman

On a serious note, couples should learn about each other b4 marriage. Once married, there is no going anywhere, no third parties until one thinks divorce or dies. His actions are so juvenile..very silly..They will become entertainment for the whole village.

Mothers will keep telling their daughters to be careful of ending up like the wife and to avoid men like the husband. Their children would be taunted by the stories.

yellowpawpaw: Crazy pple!
Swizz cola on a tender skin? What!
Inferiority complex raised to infinity!

Deol, he is inbtw. Like his grandpa.
I prefer that too.
Hubby is fair but not like me. I don't like fairness at all, don't even know why I married one.yeye colour.
Had dreamnt of ebony or light choco guy.

Okay..I was thinking he is yellowpawpaw ni. Nigerians like light complexioned children like say..I dont even understand them.

He must be really cute for everyone to want his pixure..he is reall butty

Sissie: Ajebutter is so last season, OP try to make your kids ajemayonnaise.

hahhhahahshhs


or ajecheese..u no go kill person with laugh

This is pure nonsense.


Send her to her parents?? she is what?? a commodity?

i know d thread to come and read when I get moody