₦airaland Forum

blapo:
Salam all,

I've been following the thread from the start though i could not read post after post. all i can say is thumbs up to you people. (jazakunlah khairan)

whats marriage counselling like in Islam? Assuming one eventually meets with someone he/she is ready to marry, don't u think there should still be a form of marriage counselling. i've heard a lot of revelation during this kind of program from xtian friends.

masalam

I wish we can have counselings too. Muslim organisations should look into this. we need to learn more from experienced people.

maclatunji:
ALHAMDULILLAH! I have remembered the name: It is "Closer than a garment" It has part 1,2 & 3. The books are fantastic. There is another one from Iran. That one you should not wait for me to remember because it would take me awholata trouble and spare time is very scarce for me.

I know these books too. they are very good. But, I think each of the parts has a different title. and I think Al banna is the author

Who is this stagger

am so interested in how his threats are carried out. sounds like one papa old soldier thinking he's still in the military era.

no matter what anyone says, Islamic banking is here to stay! by Allah. .and please can People always read about what they have no knowledge of before posting . Its annoying when u hear such comments as-

tinnymerit:
Do u think d bank could operate for long?.150 millions against 6.5 billions they got so far.sanusi is an alfa and not an accountant,did he ever consider BAD DEBT and other DEBTS.interest is compulsory in bizs even if its 1%.are they not going to pay their staffs,paper works,tax on the building they would use and other expenses.i pray it works for a year before ,

[quote author=zim_dollar link=topic=751801.msg9158280#msg9158280 date=1316167415]what's with long list of requirements, can you also choose your destiny? this ugly people you pass by daily do need love too no matter they are of your religion or not. religion teaches us not separate but love including our enemies. who is perfect in here?[/quote]u c someone as ugly and den marry them because?? u pity them that they might not av anyone to marry??. .that wld b d most unreasonable reason to marry.

those u see as ugly are good looking to others and may have qualities others value over beauty. So, ur point is actually no point.

jay bee:
^^
me?

really??
ok! now

Lagosboy:
Sister , how young is too young. As long as you are over over 16/18 in this current envrionement i dont think you could be too young for marriage.  HEven here in the west the age of consent is 16 and you could get married at 16 with the consent of your parents and independently get married at the age of 18.

PErsonally , i dont believe education is a barrier to getting married as long as one can delay child birth for couple of years to finish ones studies. I have seen people do it successfully and it saves one from lots of sinful acts and prevent indecency.

And God knows best indeed.

You are so so right! But i tell u there are other factors, beyond our parents. I thnk my own dad wldnt mind but my mum wld av her fears nd eventually my wish would prevail. But again,many oda factors come in plus wat u hear of the experiences of pple wu av done ds is not encouraging nd is y many pple wait until after graduation. I belong to dat group too.

bhusayor:
@deols, I just followed you on twitter, buh wasnt able to send a personal msg, kindly follow back,

As regards contributing, I'm quite young for marriage,so I really dint see a point talkin about my man's qualities or mine, also, I'm not so knowledgeable about how issues like this should be done islamically, so I see this thread as a n avenue to to learn and get enlightened most especially because the active posters in here are learned n very intelligent.

I do visit this section very well and I know the active posters, and my admiration for you goes beyond initiating ds thread. I just contribute rarely.
Ma salam.

now following you!!

amodu:
I salute the master-mind behind this (Deols), also the maturity and the knowledge some of the muslim brothers and sisters in here posses, its quite laudable.

I also want to say a shout-out to my NL Oldies and friend MUKINA, its quite a long time.

Mine is simple and specific.

She must be:

A practicing muslim with Islamic background
Beautiful
Committed, responsible, caring and jovial.

Though not ready but you never can tell because ALLAH The SUPREME BEING and The ALL-IN-ALL in His MAJESTY is unpredictable.

niceeeeeee

Iliveon:
My wants in a woman - 1. Religious (i.e understand Islam to some extent and can read the quran, if not, willing to learn) 2. Intelligent 3. Educated (at least a graduate) 4. MUST come from a good muslim home 5. Beautiful (eyes of the beholder) 6. Financially independent (working class) 7. Humorous 8. Not-quiet kind of person 9. Average height 10. I can still compromise some things

My offer - 1. Im religious (i.e understand Islam and perform Islamic obligations) 2. Humorous 3. Intelligent 4. Educated (2nd degree holder) 4. Financially stable 5. Handsome "facially" (though not too tall but not dwarf definitely) 6. Came from a muslim home 7. m caring and supportive 8. m person loving 9. Emotional (bad me). e-mail id lpinahmed@gmail.com

goood!

Its annoying how Nigerians take whatever they read, Its 72 virgins somewhere, at some point it became 77 and at others, 7, funy part is everyone who comments after any of them goes with the first flow.

that is to say, majority here do not use their own brains (sorry to say) nd are quick to judge without reading further based on whatever their equally gullible folks say. Knowledge is supposed to redeem but when you fail to redeem yourself, Who might help you

Iliveon:
While we are posting what we desire in a woman/man, we should try to post what you have to offer too. We should not be in a dreamland where it is all about what we want alone.We must be able to complement each other in every aspect and compromise where necessary. If you are searching and feel that something real could come out of this forum for you, why not post your qualities and your contact ( one that you can always ignore if you want e.g e-mail address).

d reason for dat is, the thread ddnt start as a meet up zone But one to allow pple share ideas. But its a welcome idea to any1 who wishes to share such info.

to start wv, y'all can follow me ...

hope it is about marriage ooo . so u can stop chasing skirts around

toba:
yes my dear. went off to attend to some life issues
kilo sele?

I was intrigued by d numba of replies. .

Waoh!



dr are so many pple i wish I can reply but that wld b taking to much of my time.

@ bhusayor, u know I was hoping u cld join in d discussion all along not knowing uv bn following.

@ all new comers, it wld av bn more interesting if we had u on from d start but u all ignore d Islam for Muslim section nd wld only come when d topics get to d first page dats not good enough. We need ur contributions all d time. .SOmething tells me u'd yield

ehyaa! I missed him too much. . .hope he no dey vex sha

haha! thnk God u'r bak. .was always wondring wat happened

Sweetnecta:
Now that the singles are getting together, I think you guys should begin to seek the right potential partner in the tossed up salad, you have here.
Lagosboy should make sure this is the year for marriage. So are the other brothers.

Further, the sisters can propose, since Khadija [ra] proposed to the Prophet [as].

If that pious woman proposed to "that Prophet", then the sisters should be able to imitate her.

Shame about marriage is not in Islam.

ou kay!

Lagosboy:
A bro once said maybe I have three wives and is she willing to be the fourth and this sister was put off. . . the case was settled. Obviously the sis did not know the bro too well and the sis did not propose directly as well. The bro did not lie as well but phrased it in an intelligent way . . .lol

dat wld put me off too. dat bro sha!

Lagosboy:
I could not agree more with you. Dressing and looking good is part of our deen and you are very correct a bro should dress to impress his wife as well. It is only the dress mode or style that is the issue here. Mon to thurs i am dressed in a shirt and fully knoted up in a business style, on weekends i love to wear my casual jeans and  tshirts ( preferably white) with a pair of trainers lols. If a sister doesnt not like my jeans and shirt then she would not be suitable for me either as that would not change after marrying her.

As regards naija clothings i dont have them much as i dont live in Nigeria . . . would love to wear them though.

dressing up dosnt necessarily mean trads oo,  your shirt nd trousers esp wv dose trainers cld go for dressed up in naija. . lol since majority wear palms, HMMN!

nd dose shirts, make dem TM lewins(d only shirt makers I know ) nd u'r a big boy. .lol

zayhal:
Brothers and sisters should be very sincere with themselves in this respect (as with other issues in our lives too). A brother who is looking for a sister should have marriage strictly at the back of his mind. If a brother isn't ready for marriage then he has no business making proposals or 'asking a sister out'. A sister who's not ready for marriage has no business accepting a brother's proposal.

Even though Islam does not stipulate a particular time-frame for courtship, it definitely abhors a man and woman 'dating', 'courting' with no tangible marriage plans in sight. Some courtship period may be delayed by circumstances beyond control. for example, the waliyy or members of either family may be against the union, and attempts are made to make them see reason. Either of the prospective spouses may need to make an urgent and unexpected journey etc. But courtship should never be for the purpose of 'getting to know each other'. You can never know enough outside marriage. Reality and true colours usually set in when couples begin to live together.

The length of time you court does not guarantee the success or failure of the marriage. People have courted for donkey years and still end up in divorce. People have met and married within a couple of months and are living together ever peacefully. Once we've done our Istikhara and put everything in Allah's hand, we shouldn't bother about trying to know our mate through courtship.

So I disagree with those saying a year. IMHO, a year is too long too court, except there are good reasons to do so.

Ti eniyan ba npe lori imi, esinkesin a maa ba le.

_{[sub]any good interpreter in the house?}[/sub]

I agree that a guy should only seek a woman if marriage is on his mind. Islam doesnt allow Bf/Gf relationships.

But,I so much dont understand how d 'no courtship" thing works. I donno how u start looking out only when u'r ready. does that mean if a guy finds the girl of his dreams but would only be ready say, after two yrs, he shouldnt approach her nd let someone else take her.

ITs a big relief u know, when u'r sure uv found d right person nd it depends on u to den avoid all d esinkesin from getting there. Since Islam doesnt stipulate any time, I think it is best we dont.

am surprised u brought two positive topics on. .Do i av to say dat i sense some hypocrisy too

Sweetnecta:
beard is cosmetic?

beard is equal to hijab of women.

these are the signatures to make people know about your faith, without you telling them

thobe, you have a point, because it is not the only clothing type that covers the aura.

beard is equal to hijab of women lagosboy pls answer. I av always wanted to know

maclatunji:
Salam, I think in as much as we are talking about relationship between man and woman. We should also talk about rejection. It is not every proposal that will be accepted. How should a lady reject offers that she is not interested in? And how should the man accept it?

Personally, I think as a man if you are rejected you should ask for a genuine reason for it and accept in good faith. Immerse yourself in your work or some other form of positive distraction and move on. Or what do you think?

Individuality comes in again. Not many pple find the word, No easy to say. But the best thing is to just say it and let everyone move on. Why waste any1's time if u know u wont give in eventually. Pple who wldnt are just keeping the guy on the side, in case things dont go on with the one dey'r eyeing but that's really bad and is a show of insecurity.

Guy can just nudge the girl on too. A friend of mine once did this and I tell u I was grateful for it. We were friends and when he asked me out I ddnt know how to tell him off. He told me to just say yes or no, and that hlpd and w'r still friends.

And about moving on, every guy out to ask a girl out knows of the risk involved. THis is when you know a real MAN actually. A real man moves on without sulking. There is so much other rejections to face in life. Wld he continue to sulk at every turn

Lagosboy:
Kai that means , if all women were of this opinion LAGOSBOY would have it tough finding a nice sista 


Seriously some sisters are taking dress issue to a new level. I have seen not a few @salafi@ sisters turn down bros all because they dont dress in a thobe or have a long beard. The irony is the divorce rate amongst them int he UK is so high which is an indicating factor that those long thobes and beards are nothing but cosmetics when it comes the quality of islam in a man.

This shorts issue reminded eme of my experience in Makkah. After asr prayers     an arab bloke walked up to me saying "hadha libas laisa tayyib fiy al huna " with a loud voice . meaning "This dressing of urs is not good for this place" , he then pointed to the jalabiyyah of my friend implying i should be wearing that and not my bermuda shorts.

I was so vexed and wanted to take him on but i was fasting and it was in Ramadan where needless arguements are to be avoided. More importantly it was in the haraam. I just told him jazakallah and walked away.

Some people are taking dressing of men to a whole new level forgeting that there is what we call "ourf" culture in usul ul fiqh. Some even say u are dressing like the kuffar because u are wearing a jeans forgetting that the englismans culutre is that kind of dressing.

I am sorry to digress but i have been turned down once by a sister because of my western style normal dressing.       It was her loss anyway and such sister with such mentality does not deserve me  . . .lols   

interesting. . .

Girls do all sort of things to look good and be appreciated. Guys can reciprocate this too . Even if you love to wear shorts, dr's no harm nd its no pretence(after all u wont dress d way u do everyday while going for a job interview) to keep it on that very important day nd just dress up(our local nija definition of dat. . lol) 4 d girl. I tell u a guy did ds for me once nd I liked it.

U know they say the way u dress is d way u'r addressed. Your dress sense might be the one reason she's listening to you in the first place.

Thats not to say I think w should wear jalabiyya everyday. We'll b sending our own trads into extinction by so doing. Cant even imagine pple bringing up fatwas on whether the saudi or sudanese jalabiyya would be best or fighting those wearing the pakistani

ds is d same type of representation yoruba movies give. their alfas use rosaries d way babalawos use dem nd ask pple to pick one after which they do all kinds of non islamic things. they even give omi adua. i wonder where they get all of those from. definitely not from the prophet. so i start to wonder if an averge yoruba mulim visits this kind of alfas for if they do, then somthn big is wrong nd should be corrected. Extensive da'wah we definitely need.

d one dats got da brains is childish, nd d one dats got the face isnt good wv words nd d one dats good wv words has got no face. . .hahahahaaaaaaaa

nd he's got to get it all, SO am single!

Ladies and gents,

HOw long should a relationship last before marriage

or better put,

How much years is healthy for a relationship before marriage

dats understandable. . nd studies? good. thnks for askn

I bet what you are to answer is where exactly in the Qur'an the steps taken in salat are written. Where in the Qur'an are you told to stand up and then go on ruku' and then sujud . where do u find the supplications you recite during salat if not in the Ahadith.

The Qur'an tells us that the best examples are from the prophet. How do u c ds examples without ahadith. I pray Allah guides us all aright.

deols:
so, i went into one of my old lecture notes nd found ds( God bless my teachers!)

manners of approach-

*someone speaks wv d woman on behalf of the man (dats like d alarina style of the Yorubas )- ds happened when the prophet Married Zaynab. It is said that Zaid conveyed the message to her.

*Man goes to the lady himself - Fatima bint Khais's case was the reference. .She went to the prophet to tell him of three pple who had asked for her hand and asked the prophet to help her choose after which he told her to marry Usama bin Zaid for Ma'wiyya was poor nd Abu Jam was fond of beating.

*Lady approaches the man - Khadija bint Khuwaylid asked for the prophet's hand. Also, a woman came to the prophet and said O Allah's apostle, I have come to give you myself in marriage. . .(vol.7, book 62, number24.)

and also

*Man asks the girl's waliyy(but of course! marries her only wv her consent) - the prophet asked Abubakr for Aisha's hand in marriage.(sahih Bukhari vol.7, book 62, Number 18)

I think lady can send someone to the man too. . .

_not every of us would like these although Islamic!

also, d waliyy can present his daughter/ward to a man for marriage--Umar asked Uthman and then Abubakar to marry his daughter Hafsa after her husband died.They declined. he offered her to the prophet, who married her. Note-with her consent.

grand mama, Interesting analysis!

jay bee:
This thread is surely an eye opener.
Keep it coming guys

would have thought the romance mod had enough eye opening already. .weird world I must say

mukina2:
Some guys are like super glue oh they will keep on persisting till you agree

and if u dont want it to go on, it can be very annoying. I think every one involved should be true to themselves. On occasions, persisting works wonders!

Ehyaaaaa! am so sorry!

nd i av learnt a lot from this.

maclatunji:
It would have to depend on the individual, I guess.

They could also ask: How long does/should it take a man to know that he wants a particular lady for a wife?

I think that is relative too