₦airaland Forum

Pls who's that man standing there, he's always seen ahead of Mr President everywhere he goes.

Polchiz:
You really doubt it?

no o, not really, just want to know so I can either try my luck or advice someone else. Happy new year.

Polchiz:
Multinationals are far better than DPR. My total package is 2x that of DPR.

Pls which organization is that?

mauriceju2:
Guy you be complete mumu and doesn't know what is happening on earth now
This is undercover marketing
The woman make money through sell of advert
She's using this to draw traffic to her site to sell advert,
You are even helping her without knowing it as your comments can make more people search more about her.

And what's the price range of adverts on her blog?

Oluwaseun Osewa of Nairaland, why are you not flying private jet upandan, or is it not same blogging that you guys are doing? Linda Ikeji the blogger seems the richest social media influencer in Nigeria.

cococandy:
He doesn’t have to permit her . He’s not her daddy. Get it straight

Agreed he's not her daddy, so why the complain, she should just go out there and start the job. You talk like slay queen, you know slayers does not have anything like a relationship in their agenda only use what you have to get what you want anyhow and anywhere.

etrange:
She'll not be bashed. She'll not be called names like "smelly", "olosho", "snatcher" and other unprintable names Nairaland boys use. You know why? Cause she appears to have left her career to stay at home and breed kids; just the fate a typical Nairaland boy believes is ideal for a woman. Any other thing outside this is "olosho", "old woman", etc...

That said, I love Mercy Johnson. She's smart and I'm certain she knows what's best for herself. I just miss seeing her face in recent movies. Congrats mama!

And who said Mercy had quit acting? Anyway like you tightly said, she knows what she wants, because what just happened is that she's selective of the roles she plays these days and I think for any woman who values her marriage and career, Mercy's style should be her real role model.

Maynnations:
Sana with me ...money first and I'll show you all the Gspots

You don't have any Gspot at all, you're lazy, otherwise, by now you'd have become your own boss as a call girl.

Maynnations:
Money money money and more money

Then find a way and make money or better still start selling nudes online or become a porn star it also pays instead of waiting for free money. Poverty will not kill you inugo.

Chi59:
You haven't yet made a point. Who told you that having a voice, choices and an income is mutually exclusive to assisting financially in the home front? Weak men like you always prefer someone they can control in every sense of the word. Someone who's total dependency fans their miniscule strength. Using long speeches to hide face, which of these women you mentioned didn't have supportive husbands who encouraged them to work? Work doesn't just bring money but a sense of value. That financial independence the working woman has is what scares you and your sort shirtless.

My dear go back and read about those women I mentioned and their thinking about marriage, the way they've successfully steered the ship of their families and career over the years. Every man wants to be proud of the successes of their spouses as long as such success does not come at the detriment of the dignity and pride of the man or his home. For your information, if you're looking for a place of contest, your family or husband isn't one please, instead take up a career in politics, there, the whole world will applaud your voice loudly and the range of choices you make. If you want to marry, be ready to be humble and submit to your husband otherwise your feminist independent woman attitude will only see you becoming a single mother that's if you're lucky

Chi59:
Hogwash. The man just wants her to be dependent on him, hand and foot. Money gives you a choice, lots of choices and a voice. Any man who tries to hinder his woman from working is afraid of her having a voice and a range of choices so that she remains dependent on him to make him feel secure. A potentially abusive person.

So your major reason as a good woman/wife/mother to have money is to have a voice and a range of choices, and basically not to assist or support your husband and family? If I may ask what voice and choices are you even talking about as a married woman? Are you in any way looking for the money to start a power tussle with your husband knowing he's the head of the family? If yes, then, there lies the man's fears and insecurities, besides, with your thinking, women like Dora Akunyili, Ngozi Okonjo Iweala, Oby Ezekwesili, Ibikun Awosika, Omotola Jalade, even Mercy Johnson Okorie, etc wouldn't have stayed married because obviously they were ahead of their spouses social influence wise and little wonder young ladies are all dropping out from their infant marriages calling the man names and yet ending up regretting their actions in their minds. Marriage is not a bad thing at all and will never stop a lady from achieving her dreams, it all depends on your way of handing your man to the point where he can comfortably take a bullet for your sake and that way isn't by competing with his authority, it can never work.

midnighter:
So after all these permutations and speculations, can you finally admit that the OPs husband was wrong to go against their previously agreed conditions for the marriage and that that was the actual cause of the problem and not OPs wanting to work?

Because thats what we've been talking here.

OP will do well to find out why the husband is renegading in their agreement, because it's like a parent who promised a child of a toy only to observe that the toy will distract the child and affect him/her negatively, then the parent suspends the promise. So the man might have seen some negative traits from the wife which she will do well to find out first before getting worked up, this is my style of solving problems.

[quote author=healthserve post=85006318]Before I started dating. I worked on my psyche, fears, insecurities and dream. If you don't come to relationships whole, it would affect your judgement. But then, sexual tension is the reason many relationships started [/quote
No two marriages are the same, what has worked in marriage A might probably not work for marriage B. Nevertheless, for any marriage to be successful, the parties involved must be willing to shift grounds, make sacrifices, tolerate, and make compromise where necessary, most especially, wives must submit to their husbands no matter their position before expecting love from the man, anything other than this has never worked well in marriages.

healthserve:
I said I've been around at least 300 marriages. A woman doesn't transform into a beast from being treated well. I'm yet to see a single one.


I see people who rely on suppressing other people to appear powerful as stupid and mentally sick. Tell males to develop themselves and not rely on suppressing their women. The young women of this coming generation won't stay in toxic environment for too long. If they get deceived into lmit like in this case, once their awakening is triggered, they'll leave. Its simple as abc

Already if you're not aware, I am. A lot kids will be raised in broken homes, it's already happening so my advice is before you come into a relationship especially marriage these days define your terms and conditions don't bring your feminist movement into a poor man's life in the name of you're civilized and educated otherwise just look for somebody to impregnate you if bearing kids is your reason for marriage or better still do the IVF thing and be fine.

healthserve:
I said I've been around at least 300 marriages. A woman doesn't transform into a beast from being treated well. I'm yet to see a single one.

You can say that but we live in a world where all hands are not equal, most women become beast in a relationship when they're not satisfied, when they're frustrated or when they believe they've made a wrong choice because they've seen or believe there would have or there's a better option out there, sometimes out of unhealthy competition with peers etc so sometimes it might not just be that the man isn't treating them fine, the man might be doing the best he can but when a woman is fed up...

healthserve:
I've mentored over 300 relationships. Trust me all my girls I tutored and gave sound doctrines a resettled in their marriage comfortably. This is just the foundation for this comment. I will hardly ever tell a person to leave a marriage but will point out facts and leave the decision to them. I don't do thought-manipulation or any from or proxy-manipulation. More so, 50% of divorced or u happy marriages can be fixed if both partners are willing to be vulnerable before themselves and communicate. Here, the wife is open, the husband is clammed up ( fears and insecurities). He isn't dealing with his own sense of being. I can't and will never tell anyone to learn even a bad marital partner. That call is theirs.

What if she lands the job and the man's "fears and insecurities" become real? Anyway, na their wahala sha, they know themselves better and should sort themselves out. Mind you that fears and insecurities don't just start, there are some traits exhibited by the suspected partner that in most cases springs up these fears and insecurities.

healthserve:
I didn't dispel. I'm not the only one speaking. Weare speaking cause we have see. His kinds million times before now. A lot. I mean alot. I've had women close to me who died in their marriages sef. So I'm experienced a enough to all a bluff a bluff when I see it

The best advice to give to anyone who can not adjust to partner's demands or work out differences in marriage is to quit. Two can not work together except they agree, don't stay in a relationship where you'll claim someone wasted your opportunities for you, rather choose between alternatives which one is more important to you, for some family is everything, while for some career is everything, while for others family and career is all they crave for. In all, find your dream and live but make sure not to spoil some other person's blues with your reggae because what means the world to you might be very disgusting to your neighbor, always find a balance and don't force people to accept your choices because you believe they're the best.

healthserve:
Educated. Embarked on over 300 person Al projects. At the moment working on my startup. Company 20 workers. Commander in chief of an entire clan where even married men take notes when I talk. Education isn't attending a school but of the development of the mind, soul, character by values and experiences learnt through the process. Education without refinement amounts to waste of opportunity. Education isn't schooling. Many go to school, few come out educated.


Top 2.5% my entire educational career. Worked across 23 fields of life. Education has done me good. Even my peers see me, come down from their cars and take a bow

If you are all these, you won't be too quick dispel the man for not allowing his wife to work just yet, instead you'd have advised the wife to find out what the man's reasons are for not wanting her to work before you can give a sound advice on a way forward.

djon78:
Dude most of you are backward and acheic simple. How can you tell your wife not to work. Its barbaric simple.
I am a very exposed traditional African man but telling your wife not to work is evil.

And like I said, men with this kind of thinking are those that lived loose life as singles, they think every woman is loose.

I have married sisters, beautiful, smart, intelligent, classy. My parents brought them up in traditional African way, they run homes perfectly But all there husbands allow them to work.

I am from Anambra State that has produced pace setting women, married and still submissive to there husbands; late Dora Akunyili, Oby Ezekwwsili, Chimanda Adichie etc

Do you know Dora all the time she was in NAFDAC/ Minister, she cooks the food her husband eats. Nobody does it for her.

See we raise our daughters be submissive, but don't give up on your dreams. And when the men comes to marry our daughters we tell them, that you can't stop there careers.

That's what my Dad told all the men that came to marry his daughters; they have been raised perfectly for you, marry them well, and the girls don't disappoint.

See there are quality women of sound stock out there. But not every man deserve them. They are meant for men who know value, not backward and acheic kind of men

Your choice must not be another man's choice, that's the reality of life and that's why we have options as humans, it's your right to choose the option that best fits your ambition.

ngwababe:
Men that thinks like these, always keep their wives and children frustrated in life. Because, you will want struggle till your last breath, just to provide for your family. I wonder what would have happened now, had it been my mum listened to my father then.

My brother, this country hard for one person to dey bring money ooo. See Otedola pikins dem, Dangote children, Buhari family, all our politicians, their children dey work oo, if not for any other thing, I know there are some things there fathers can never provide for them.

Bros, two hands are always better than one.

Madam nobody is saying that the wife shouldn't work, what I'm saying is the need to do that in harmony with her spouse that's all, in case she feels the spouse can not support her chosen style of life, I think she'd better quit than be in a frustrating relationship.

Fountainofyouth:
So are you saying it is better for the wife to also be jobless when the husband loses his job? So it's better if they are both jobless and eating sand abi? Smh,

Even if the job can't sustain them for six months, What is wrong in her boasting of having her own money?

You see why I said its all about conception and playing safe? After all, it's about ego. They should just find a way to massage one another's ego and be fine, from the woman's tone, she's sounding she's compelling the man, telling him that she's educated and cannot afford to waste all that or be idle instead of appealing to her husband to allow her work so as to assist him in taking care of the financial needs of their young family.

Her way of presentation might just be the wahala here. I know what I'm talking about, my own wife is a civil servant by the way.

djon78:
Many men are acheic, how can you tell your wife not to work? Most times it is guys that led very dirty lives as singles. They think every woman is loose. Absolute nonsense. My dear you don enter, find ways to mitigate the situation. I am so sorry for you

In all your submissions, always remember the one man's food is another man's poison, and people shouldn't be called names for the choices they make for themselves. After all that's why we were created in large numbers, so of A's lifestyle doesn't suit you, B might

Fountainofyouth:
You've just been saying submission submission, forgetting that submission isn't to be forced but earned, same as respect, submission comes naturally for those who are worth it, earned it and appreciate it, Op's husband is neither, he wants to cage her.

And I've said simple thing, let her quit and pursue her career without interference, she might just see another guy who's her match and live happily married thereafter.

healthserve:
No need for drama. Ask her this question, does he have enough saving to keep the marriage afloat for six months if he loses the job or has an emergency? If he can't, then it's just a pathetic primitive game. Lol and with this stiffened comments, forget it, women will hardly stay. Marriage isn't forced. If the woman doesn't accept, forget it.

Again ask this question, what kind of job is the wife talking about and can that work sustain the family six months if the man loses his? Even if it can, one of the worst nightmares of any man will be to be out of job while the wife works, just a few men will be lucky not to consider suicide due to the reckless abuses they'll be getting from their wives.

healthserve:
It's not your call. It's also not mine..

I find it repulsive to see two adults always acting as if they're in a competition when the rules are clearly spelt out, for me, I think it's that simple, if you can submit to a man as your husband, there's absolutely no need you been in marriage with because it's never going to work. My advice will always be, if you can not cope with your husband's rules and see a way to subtly make him bend those rules to suit you, you don't have any business being in a man's life and be complaining. Simply live your life the way it pleases you and nobody will come demanding that you submit to him or not.

it seems the page has stopped or is my own the only one?

healthserve:
From your comments I can tell my age from yours. And by the same extension what you're not seeing. The man isn't just preventing her from work. He's breaking her down morally and psychologically so she losses herself to depend on him as a job which is wrong. From the motive to the application. I replied you tentatively in our earlier interactions. Marriage is titfor tat, not master slave relationship. If he married a genius and then keeps her locked up as a slave, her creative ability forces her to be restless, hence she needs a job. Creative people can't stay idle. He isn't trying to provide for her, he's trying to force a flawed logic on her and emotionally blackmailing her to accept his will without a challenge. She needs to decide if she wants to be in cuffs or free. I'm sure you're a Christian. There's a rule I apply in everything I do. Whatever I lose my liberty and expression I term it slavery. Automatically


He's not telling her not to work because he will or can provide. No. He's demoralising her so she won't see the need to have a life without him. IT'S A DELIBERATE PLOY

Then best for her quit the marriage now that it's still young with just a child, and be free to pursue any career of her choice. By the way, these days marriage is no longer compulsory.

healthserve:
You read the letter, I read into, beyond and beneath the letter.


He's trying to break her down psychologically Nd then subdue her. Men build their wives not destroy them. Marriage should improve a woman not destroy her.

The man might have his reasons why he's not permitting her to work just yet, especially in this part of the world, a lot of financially independent women seriously are not submissive in marriage, but the lady should find a way to convince her spouse the reasons why she should be allowed to work and also convince the man that his fears will never come true, that's the way to go. For me, with what I've seen so far, nobody is wrong here, it's just an issue of perception and playing safe

projectorz:
I'm in full support of what SBL28 said. In additions :

DO NOT GET PREGNANT
DO NOT GET PREGNANT
DO NOT GET PREGNANT

This is his next target since you are being stubborn about it.

You sef na wah for you! Age 21 is an age a young lady starts discovering herself. Set out goals, be on a career path. But you allowed him sweet tongue you, now you see!

When a lady marries late, people like you will call her names. Old cargo, gwegz etc.

If you allowing his pressure deter you from getting a job or at least start a business which MUST be funded by him, I hope you dont regret in future.

Again, this is a technique men use to disarm women. They will cheat maltreat, beat, break the woman. They know she has no where to run as she's fully dependent on them, wicked!

Mind you, I'm ELEVEN years in marriage. My husband fully supports me to be whatever I want to be. I'm even lagging behind sef in his view. Thats how real men behave. And yes our kids are fine and in safe hands.

BE WISE!

Do not get pregnant abi, thank God she already has a child.
My all marriages are not the same o, one man's food is another man's poison o. learn how to make your marriage work, or if you think you can cope, you can make use of the latest technique "DIVORCE" to avoid all the headache.

Deepthoughts:
You don't want to be submissive to the man but you want him to pamper you!, pamper kill you there.

My brother see wahala o, no wonder these days a lot of ladies can not survive 10momths in a marriage and when advised by their mums they'll say the woman is old fashioned, still with their new fashion, they can't keep a home.

healthserve:
Shut it. His attitude is toxic. Read beyond the lines. Also, because I see many rights and wrongs on both sides I almost did not comment beyond that he's holding his wife a prisoner in the guise of marriage. Healthy marital relations is a sideways relationship and not vertical horizontal, master slave relationship. Go and learn the difference.

And what's so "toxic" about the man here, that he is not disposed to his wife working? is that what you call toxic already? With your mentality, you can live successfully with any man in a marital relationship anywhere around the globe, unless the union comes with your own terms and conditions.

healthserve:
It's now becoming a norm now for men in the name of marriages to deliberately ruin women lives. They don't know. They do this deliberately. That's what surprises me.

Sometimes I wonder what women like you really wants, if the asks you to be doing the work while he sits at home, you'll call him lazy, now the man is saying let me be the man and work, and you're still saying no. Women like you always claim that it's the man's duty to provide for the family, which the man is simply doing, so what else do you want to go out there to do?