₦airaland Forum

lonikit:
i will be very brief with the narrative. i met the girl 2years ago when she was already 31. we started as friends but her character made me to fall in love and also had to leave my former young rude more educated and virgin gf (i love peace of mind).
without missing words, my new gf is the best compared to any other girl i have met. though, she is older than I by 2yrs but that is not my problem.
my problem now is that both of us are not really doing anything serious. she is managing in a private school. i have not gotten any job since i completed my service yr last year hence, managing in a school too.
considering our financial status, we are not ready for marriage now. we are hoping for better jobs.
please, i don't want to loose her and she is now 33. she is considering her chances of giving birth if she marries late like 35yrs bcus a doctor friend told her that women fertility has to do with their age, the older they bcom, the less they are fertile. please advice me on how to convince her. she is so unique.
please help a brother.

Your belief is very strong and what you should tell yourself is that irrespective of the age you guys get married, your marriage will be blessed with children since that is a major thing for you in marriage. That said, being less fertile is now common to both sexes as it has to do with hormones and more so, you guys could choose to get married and plan on a child for now till you are more financially stable. The good side is that gestation period is 42weeks which is almost a year and adding that to the time to plan the wedding and all sorts, that is about a year. Your stories might have improved before then.

Being who she is and open to communication as she has always been.

lewis512:
I registered to a academy spent a while there but the udemy video tutorial helped me most and much practice

Thank you. Which of the udemy videos did you use?

lewis512:
when you back would you let me know or just add me , my username is on my Nairaland profile

What did you use to learn Python?

Lamanii22:
I uninstalled the app, but I'd be back on there real soon...

You planning on enrolling in a doctorate? This is nice to know. What is your field? Seems we have similar passion.

kingxsamz:
I didn't read till the end.
Seemed to me like this was more like a gay erotica, rather than someone seeking help.
At first I thought it was a female narrating her story untill I had to check and realized it was a dude. Had to stop.

I am not asking for help from anyone. I am lucky I have overcome something I wanted to and only shared for those who might feel trapped and would want to move past their trap.

Mandelus:
You are scared why not tell him....
Secondly how often do you dress sexy during bed times... Seduce your man with different sexy dresses during bed time don't bore the moment with heat and laczy dress make him desire you.. tell him you love him before you sleep and when his going to work, text him around 12noon.
Do this and have him by 3pm home early to have fun with you .

Which one be seduce with sexy dresses when she fit dey use birthsuit do the same thing?

eseh1:
I think most times we become who we are as a result of experience in our nominal age. Some were lucky cos they were never exposed to the risk while some weren't.. just like we didn't choose our family background either rich or poor but can work towards been rich. I went to a single sex school, I never had same sex encounter but I had friends who did cos they were pretty funky kids exposed to it at a tender age, some even got suspended...but I never judged them cos I felt d lucky ones where just not exposed... Alot are married now, I wudnt even call them bi-sexuals cos those happened in d past.
My advice is for parents to always educate their children from a tender age, imbibe discipline in them ...fill their memory with good stuff...These things always ring in their head when you are not there..... I still believe in this saying " Train up a child in the way he should go and when he is old he will not depart from it "...
@Op you are wonderful and thank you for sharing with us...know that there are pple out there who will never judge your past...All the best in this new phase and may God bless your marriage..

Thank you so much both for your words of encouragement and the prayers. Sincerely, marriage has been fun so far and I am happy I am meeting all my expectations by the grace of God. It took me a while to find someone who was willing to understand me and stay by me and like my friends and relatives know, she is my top priority after God.

funmisticqueen2:
she's smart.

Don't make your past, your present. Hope you continue to have the will to go on.

Thank you so much, God has been helping me and my way of staying away is keeping friends with my three older friends who also are no longer involved in it. We encourage ourselves whenever there is need to.

Yxxx:
The earlier we talk about issues like this, the better.
I escaped been one and I must say it's God's intervention.
My advice to you is to keep trying to remain straight.
Decide that you won't go back to the past.
Pray about it.

Mind sharing how you overcame?

funmisticqueen2:
Does your wife know?

No she doesn't fully despite explaining some of my past to her. She feels it was an outcome of me being a boarder and I feel I shouldn't saddle her with information she isn't so interested in.

To all those acting out there, one of the things I learnt particularly about us Nigerians is that there are very many on the DL. Many have multiple girlfriends to cover up, go to gym to get muscular to cover their traits and to attract more guys, and many other things they do. It is all pretense. The earlier we all learn to live our lives and make support groups grow instead of trying to demoralize people trying to find their path, the better for us all.

choblak:
I de tell u
I think sey na only me know there type
I don witness plenty of such guy
How I wish I will get ur number for what'sapp we for talk

I would have loved to but I am not sure I can at least for the now.

Ishilove:
Okay...

I still feel dirty though

I can't help on how you feel but ...

creolehunt:
Part of me feels you're same person as the OP or you're also gay. That's the only way I can explain you taking over the discourse.
If I'm wrong, please accept my apologies.

Any need to apologize to him? You concluded already as led by your feelings so...

tunize:
Speechless. The o.p had options but he choosed his part of being gay because he nvr mentioned thatvhe was forced.can't judge u but pray God to see you tru. he should first go and talk to his pastor and set up a meet up with the wife and pastor so he could as well tell his wife.( u go need ur wife too to fight ur way out).

When my dealings were with guys, you could term me gay however, I have moved past that as such, my orientation could have changed. There are a few articles online although the outcomes are ambivalent, it is difficult to put people in a typical basket sexually.

Specyano:
Thought I was reading a girl story not till the end.

So many shit happens in boys only/girls only schools...damn!!!

Well so far you decided to share this, it shows you're ready to face the challenges and let go of it, so help u God.

It was a mixed school but in the hostels, it was single sex based on your house.

Young03:
I cover my brain and eyes with the blood if Jesus

From your story, You still hoping that your neighbours son bleeps u again

God help your wife
And person like you will like anal sex

If you read it with an open mind, you would have noticed that happened long before I got married. Anyways, there is nothing to prove.

ifeanyiatuadu:
I totally understand you
But u shouldn't have posted this on nairaland. There are lots of immature homophobes on here

They can keep dwelling in their fantasies but what can I do about that? Many are not homophobes in the real sense they are just trying to tag along as being macho men. They should look deep into their family and if they have any sense of gaydar like they act, they would see it but you know what, we all are a bunch of hypocrites.

Cchuks27:
While I don't accept it, I personally don't judge people who are gay. What I am more concerned about is your wife and kids who are living in limbo, totally unaware of this potent danger that can totally consume the family and put them to shame later on in the future.

Man, you must come out of the closet and live your truth.

What closet are we referring to here? That sometimes, I think about the past/talk about it with some other married men whom we have formed a support group is a crime, right? For your information, my wife is okay with me being me and we are enjoying each other's company. I could have been wired differently and I choose a new path for myself, what crime have I committed?

ValCon888:
Op. You went to a federal government college. Either Odogbolu or Ijanikin. Yes or No?

I would like to decline this question just to help safeguard the name of my school as it got nothing to do with the school and neither was/is it the culture of the school.

PRISTINEMUSCLES:
Can your ass still hold some faeces cos your rectum must have been damaged by now. You decided to be gay in secondary school which was absolutely your choice. I went to a boy's only school and I really dealt with dose gay seniors really hard.

If that is how you see it, I do not have the ability to change your thoughts. For your question, it holds it perfectly well. What next?

Lamanii22:
Oh my God... You went through a lot in life oo... For a sec I thought you were a girl... I'm amazed at how you find the opposite sex attractive after all of these... Mehn.. You're amazing...

I have always found them attractive but my early experience made me feel I am incompetent to have anything to do with a woman. My childhood trait of being effeminate doesn't necessarily translate to anything in terms of sexuality. Guess my neighbor's son took advantage of me coupled with some little bullying in elementary school that made me feel I should be a sissy and it was/is okay. It took a long while to walk out but nonetheless, because I am kind of tuned into it psychologically, I keep friends with my older friends who helped me rediscover myself because they went through a similar past and one of the things I have learnt is that discussing it most times, helps one not to crave for it.

Ishilove:
Why did you have to be so graphic? I can sense from the gleeful tone in your narration that if a man with a yam sized mandingo comes your way, you will remove your trousers and submit your anus with embarrassing alacrity. Shior.

Are you promoting homosexuality?? Scratch that, you're bisexual.

I feel really unclean after reading this filth.

Tueh!!

I am not out to contest what you feel about my post and if you read it well like you claim, you would get the picture. The essence of the write up is that we should be truthful to who we are as that could help us identify where to get help if need be.

IceColdVeins:
omo......I hope you were not that senior back in high school that always made me rub his back every night and almost forced his dick right into my mouth one night before I learnt that I gotta flee. Cos honestly, envisaging your high school setting from your write up, its no different from mine. Just incase you or your high school lover were that 'senior Richards', I'd be honored to tell you right now that my beautiful Bull Mastif and p90 machine would like to meet you.

I am neither and if you have moved on, let the past remain where it is. You don't need to come display some online toxic masculinity if there is nothing you are trying to prove.

EmekusTHEgreat:
@Dexlomo, it's not in the place of any man to infere judgement on you, God (even with your past) would still gladly accept you if you were to seek him.

I hope that you have a wonderful married life but there's something I noticed from your writing, I feel that you are nostalgic of your old life, I can make out lustfulness in your tone of writing, let old things pass away..

I don't know what you mean by lustfulness though. One thing I can say is that I cannot completely tell I am done with my old life since I still maintain friendship with my older friends however, with respect to sex, I am out. We still get to talk about it sometimes as a way to encourage one another and also, not to fall into that moment that the brain would demand sex. It is more of a preventive measure.

Palehair:
This is so beautiful, It got me teary eyed. Sexuality is quite broad and fluid and not black and white as most think. Thanks for sharing your story, I wish you and your wife good luck but times have changed. Sexuality is and will never be a stumbling block to one starting a family. It depends on your mindset

I agree with you. Struggled with myself for a long time and had fears created by things I read on the internet. My first experience was after our wedding and one of the things that gave me courage besides the older married friends I had was a twitter post I read by someone who shared a similar story. It was difficult paying for escorts like someone suggested to have an experience so I just hoped. My first experience was wow and I feel more comfortable with it. Like we all know and agree, sexuality is fluid and it could change anytime. Just going to keep enjoying this moment and I do not wish anything changes it.

wizzy199:
So difficult to.

Try to read about my new post where I shared my experience. It took me talking to some older people to be able to overcome it. We all need a shoulder to lean on at some time. It will help him respect and appreciate you. Do you know I told one of my roommates during my undergrad and till date, it remains a secret between us? We are both married and he acts like he knows nothing about that aspect of my past.

I read a topic and felt encouraged to share my real life story. Some parts are tainted to shield my privacy however, they are the exact things that happened. I have had a few sexual encounter with guys but I wouldn't take mine as molestation totally because I initiated some of these encounters.

Growing up, I was a bit effeminate and it was known to me, my family members, and friends. I was exposed at a tender age and was allowed to have friends provided someone in my family knew about him/her. Although my parents were not so concerned about my classmates but they were about those I called my friends. I had a friend who as at age six, we would play together touching each other. We went to each other's home since we were near neighbors. Not sure if both parents knew what was going on and just chose to look the other way or they felt we were too innocent to be capable of touching, kissing, and humping we did at that age. He knew an ashewo joint that he took me to at around age nine where he likes the women touching him while I cringe or scream when they make attempts to touch me(I am not sure why though because even as at age 20, if a woman touches me, I cringe and it is usually obvious).

My first night as a boarder, I met a childhood friend as such, I did not sleep on my bed and chose to sleep with him in his dormitory. Right there on his 2(1/2) by 5 we kissed and did some humping. One thing was that I loved the sight of watching the older seniors naked and luckily, it was in the days when we had men as seniors with very big (long, thick, and veiny) pricks. I would wake up early and finish before others wake up and when the bell rings for morning portion, I was dressed for school so I can take my time to do mine. My morning portion for the most of my junior secondary school was cleaning the quadrangle (I don't know why it never changed until during extension in JSS3) these seniors walk past naked.

During one of my holidays, I had an encounter with my neighbour's son who was a year my senior in school. Anyways, that was my launch into the world of sex with guys. He shields me at school at least from my immediate seniors and I compensate him during the breaks by being bleeped by him. By the time he got to SS1 and I was in JS3, he had matured and his dick had gone almost twice its size, yet I couldn't say no. He would Bleep me everyday during the holiday to a point that I stopped coming home for midterm as a way to at least save myself that period. I couldn't tell my folks what was going on because while I wasn't enjoying it some days, it was glorious on others. Besides, how do I report a senior if I don't want to live the rest of my boarding life in misery?

In SS2, he stopped because then he got a girlfriend in school and told me never to tell anyone of our past (which I still do till date). I still cringe sometimes when I see him during festive holidays as we would likely be visiting our parents. Unfortunately as well, the sex I have had with guys when I feel the urge cannot be compared to his because though his was painful, it was also tender and sweet while others are just pains.

After secondary school while awaiting admission, he had a cousin who was visiting to prepare for JAMB with us. Unfortunately, the cousin took over from where he stopped. The cousin would come to our house to Bleep me and there was nothing I could do. Luckily for me, we all went to different universities and during my days in University, except for one Bleep I traveled for (a dude I met through americansingles.com), there was no sexual encounter.

After school, we got good jobs and then I launched back into my world of sex although, I contained it to a maximum of 3 to 4 times annually. My neighbor's son got married and I kept feeling I wouldn't get married. I felt so used and I was scared I wouldn't be able to have an erection with a woman and neither would I be able to meet expectations. At some point, I got green with envy because him and his cousin had become parents and here I was just focusing on career. When it was obvious I wasn't sure of taking the bold step, I made attempt to relocate for studies and with my parents support, it happened. I chose to remain abroad after school and my parents began getting worried at some point. One day, during the holidays while I visited, he walked up to me to ask what I was still waiting for and why I was still single. I almost yelled at him because I felt he was the cause of my predicament but later, I smiled wishing he would Bleep me at that point because I was yearning for it (I don't do the man sex thing abroad because news in Nigerian community spreads like wild fire).

At that point, I chose to engage a few older men I have met on social media who were married and were involved in the man thing although most times, not sexually but for friendship. One thing I learnt from them was that they were on those sites to meet with people of like mind to talk to about their feelings because they chose not to cheat on their wife. I asked about sex and they told me it is very possible that I just needed to find a woman I loved from my heart and after a while, I will get accustomed to sex (heterosexual).

The reason I wrote all this epistle is to encourage any guy out there who could be involved in man to man sex that if it is not your entire make up, like me who do not find the sex thing with guys attractive because of the pains it causes me but likes being in the company of guys preferably nude, and that loves the idea of having your family, it is very possible. While I am not in any position to debate genes although research is ambivalent on gay genes, it is very doable. Just follow your mind and I pray God helps you with whatever you decide to do. To the older men who guided me, I would want to say a big thank you to you as I can boldly say that it has been a wonderful experience with my wife and I wouldn't say I have bidded the men's world a total goodbye because one thing I know is when I say never is when I fall as such, I will keep hoping I do not fall back into my old ways.

If you have had same sex experience and have been able to come out of it, please share your story to inspire the younger ones. This is a no judgment zone, please....

wizzy199:
Let me use this opportunity to relieve myself of this very annoying experience. I recently got this guy as a roommate during our first semester, we've been sleeping normally on the same bed without any issues until one night around 2am I just noticed his hand on my pr**k, I gained consciousness immediately but didn't shake so that he'll know I just silently lied there to observe more till he tried masturbating me, immediately, I removed his hand, called his name several times and he didn't answer but his breath was so fast. I couldn't believe it, I stood up and laid on the floor.

I just couldn't ask him about what happened in the morning cos I just couldn't believe it. I trusted this guy, very religious, he don't even have all this 'rugged' songs in his phone only Christian songs though he acts effeminate.

From that day, I just developed this hatred for him, kai, though we still stay together and converse normally, I hate him, and the funny part is that he acts normar as if he didn't do any thing.

Hating him doesn't help matters, be the friend/brother he needs. This is the 21st century and we shouldn't be judging others by what nature has bestowed on them.

kamikaz1:
I mean most Naija muscular gays that I have come across are personally are BI*

It is because we are very judgmental in Nigeria. People have to find a way to cover up for their weakness and being muscular saves them a bit.

choblak:
U are wrong most people that rants against homos are the real gays
They do that to cover themselves and I think u might be one

You got time for these down low guys sha... The worst na say person like arukwe123 go be mama wey dey beg and fit do anything for big gbolla. I know him type, na so dem body go dey shake once dey see poron.