₦airaland Forum

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a-xRVjaadKU

In a podcast video that has gone viral, a young lady commented that she held on to a 5yr relationship with a "lazy" man for no reason. He has been unemployed and broke for the past 5 years.

The story flips as she concludes that she now gets annoyed anytime she sees anyone expressing love over phone calls

Watch full the video above.

Chances are that you've been dating your boyfriend/ guy for some time and you've noticed that your friends have started getting married.

Yet, it seems that your guy isn't even bringing up the question of marriage. Well the good news is, you're not alone. 73% of marrying women said that they put pressure on their man to propose. When a man who has been dating a woman for months says he hasn't thought of marriage, he is probably just being honest. Men don't think about these things. If you want to discuss marriage, you're going to have to bring the subject up, because many men never will.

In this video, a young woman asks for advice on how to phrase the marriage question, without it seeming as if she's pressuring her man.

Do you agree with the answers she was given? and which of the advice should she follow?


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N5A3ReRdJzI

Persephone1:
There is a simple rule in relationships people tend to overlook it is: If you still want to make decisions on your life independently then be alone. The moment you are entangled, you consider the other person in your decisions.

Very silent and simple rule people find difficult to acknowledge.

His decision was made before he met her. He stated that he left the job prior to meeting her and that she assumed his income because of the type of car he was driving. A car he obviously bought when he was working the 300k job.

He couldn't have involved her in the decision because it was made before they started dating.

That takes us into another question:

Should you tell a new girlfriend how much you earn?

Zigzagman:
In this interesting video, a young man quit his high-paying job and followed his passion. How his girlfriend reacted will surprise you.

Did she do the right thing? Would you act in a similar manner?



https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sryz0jjIXlU

I don't see anything wrong in her actions. I think the guy should be grateful. She's out to get the best marriage deal available. And if you have difficult times, there's probably some dude who's a better match for her....

Baba, you don first me carry this story come here

So hilarious.

Guys, make sure una hustle o. Hustle o!

However, for the bankers in the house, please why do banks set unrealistic deposit standards for female marketers?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lT62gdKcI0c


In this video, a pretty female banker ( who had previously lamented that she was having difficulty finding love ) was forced to choose between meeting her monthly marketing target or meeting the love of her life.

Her choice will surprise you.


However, for the bankers in the house, please why do banks set unrealistic deposit standards for female marketers?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LMroSjyvZ2s

Here's how to stop a gambling addiciton:

1. Find an accountability partner
2. Transfer control of your money and account to the trusted accountability partner
3. Enrol in a training on finanical discipline
4. Break ties with all friends and colleagues who gamble
5. Realise that it will be a battle for life

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lT62gdKcI0c

Even broke girls are lamenting nobody wants to marry them.


You would have thought that only broke guys are having it tough in the dating market today. Even women are fast realising that nobody wants to marry a broke girl. In the video, the lady (in zebra patterns) lamented that several men have broken up with her because she was broke. She kept insisting all the men she dated have always pushed her to work jobs with long hard hours so she can earn more.

Considering the minimum wage and unemployment rate in Nigeria, do you think she has a point or do we just have unrealistic standards for women?

Watch and share your opinion

talk2hb1:
She meant Bottom Intellect!!!

Which one be bottom intellect again?

Zigzagman:
Dimaya, I have already copied this to the romance section

Baba, you're following me from section to section. Hope I'm safe like this.

I go report you to that righteousness guy oh

Zigzagman:
why don't you open a post on what men must do?

Career driven men do not experience the same problems that women face. Every woman wants a working husband. I'm not sure the same can be said about men.

Persephone1:
Not again.

Women women women

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lT62gdKcI0c

In Nigeria today, the banks and financial institutions are full of beautiful successful women with dating issues.

According to the banker in this video, there's a big issue around women in banking and dating. It's really difficult for them.

While many of them are high earners at work, they struggle to find men who match them intellectually and financially.

Considering the minimum wage and unemployment rate in Nigeria, do you think they have a point or do they just have unrealistic standards for men?

Watch and share your opinion

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eR3MCsqxBvA


In Nigeria today, the banks and financial institutions are full of beautiful successful women with dating issues.

According to the career ladies in this video, there's a big issue around women in banking and dating. It's really difficult for them.

While many of them are high earners at work, they struggle to find men who match them intellectually and financially.

Considering the minimum wage and unemployment rate in Nigeria, do you think they have a point or do they just have unrealistic standards for men?

Watch and share your opinion

There's a difference between gambling and being a gambler.

The video focuses on gamblers with betting addictions. It's the same difference between telling a lie occasionally and being a perpetual liar.

Over the past few weeks, several nairalanders have asked for help to break the habit of betting.

Here's a video that helps:


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LMroSjyvZ2s

Let me know how it goes and what has worked

NoToPile:
My point is even with an informed choice nothing is guaranteed, I personally feel marrying early is good but it still doesnt guarantee anything on this same matter.



The OP is biased (it's all over his write up) for whatever reason probably due to experiences in his line of work and well he is entitled to his bias, his way of sending his message makes me wonder.

Everyone has a bias. Do you have answers ?

olabrinks:
Do you think it’s better to bring children into the world with instability? Mentally and financially? Having children is great, but a faulty foundation is a disaster. If we outweigh the pros and cons, it is better to be childless knowing you did things the right way, than to bring 3/4 children into the world, and one or both parties are struggling to cope. Women in their early 20s do not adapt to motherhood/marriage well.. it almost always ends in resentment and bitterness. How can they adapt though? When their brain has not even fully developed to understand the significance of what they’re getting themselves into.

Suffering and smiling should not be our portion in this generation, we are educated and enlightened. We learn from the mistakes of our forefathers and make better choices.

The original post is addressed to young men who are financially ready to start a family. That's why young men should not start families until they can support children.

If you had financial issues within your marriage, you can't automatically conclude it was because you were 24. You could have married a more financially stable man at 24 and would have avoided those same issues. You probably didn't have counsel on how to vet a man who could support a family. The solution is to teach younger women on what to look for in men who come to court them for marriage.


However, telling women to wait until 35 will not guarantee they'll find a financially stable man.

Mindlog:
I strongly believe some Nigerian/African men are your low hanging fruits because you can't repeat this crap before a Caucasian audience and you wouldn't end up looking so f.o.o.l.i.s.h!

Does the present Nigeria have an institutionalized health and social support system that would guarantee a lady of 25 years and below who is yet to gain financial stability that if she has children there are sure health care services, if the husband "throws her out of his house" or walks away from the marriage, leaving her and the children behind, what happens to her and the children?

You are too one directional and I will not to associate with your "professionalism" and your health issues communication, you certainly skipped some lectures in school!

I think you should come up with a multi-directional post that will address these issues you've raised. Whatever you think, perhaps you're right.

GboyegaD:
You might be qualified however, you are biased and this taints your authority.

That said, male fertility is as important as female fertility. There's no need to downplay any of them.

I am more than 25 and interestingly, I got married in my 30s and so is my wife and we are parents without worries.

The post is addressed to men selecting wives. If it were addressed to women selecting husbands, it would be focused on advising women to marry men can financially support a family.

It's like saying because your cousin married an unemployed man and they're doing fine, you would advise every girl graduating school to marry an unemployed man.

I didn't link the video to address everyone. There's no counsel or advice that will be applicable to every person.

The original post is focused on single, young men aged 25-40 who are financially capable of supporting a family. If you're not in this category, the post isn't directed at you.

If you are in this target demographic, and it is important for you to have children, then you're better off marrying a wife who is within her reproductive window which peaks at age 25. Don't buy into the narrative that age doesn't matter when it comes to childbearing. It does. Every OBGYN and assisted reproductive physician will tell you that the female age is the single most important determinant of fertility.

If you choose to marry an older woman, you have opened up the door to the possibility of fertility treatment.


FOR WOMEN,

You're valuable and don't feel under pressure to get married early. You can choose to prioritize your career but there are tradeoffs with every decision. If you wait until late thirties, there's the risk of age-related infertility and congenital anomalies in the children (should you choose to have children late).

Your decisions are yours to make. The speaker in the original video just points out the drawbacks of delaying childbearing.

I hope this explains my position on the post and video. I am not bashing any woman. I am not saying older women are not worthy of love.

olabrinks:
I married at 24, I will never ever advise it. The perfect age is30,31,32. Anything before that is very risky. At 25 you don’t have the mental capacity to vet a man properly. Financially you cannot even stand on your own. Naivety and lack of experience will put you in the wrong hands. It’s only God that saves some women.

The post is for young men who want to get married. You could have gotten married at 30 and would still have the same marital issues you have.

I assume you had children shortly after marrying at 24. If your husband wanted to have children, then marrying you early gave him that outcome. However, if he had married a 35year old version of you, in addition to having the usual marital/relationship fights, he would now have to be battling with fertility issues.

The post and video isn't giving relationship advice. We all know relationships are hard. The post and video is giving reproductive health advice to men (who want children) when choosing a mate.

You assume that waiting until 32 to get married would have given you a better outcome. Perhaps you're right. But several women who've waited until mid thirties to start a family now have to deal with fertility issues in addition to the usual relationship problems that develop in marriage.

She's definitely playing

Mindlog:
Not every woman has sights on getting married or start having children before 25! Individuals have their preferred timelines and we shouldn't "weep on their behalf".

They have a right and option to delay conception and that MUST BE RESPECTED.

Just as sperms are stored for later use, so are eggs. Women can comfortably have children when they are ready and not pressured into it when they are not mentally and physically ready to go through that phase!

I am not talking to women. I am talking to young men who want to have children and want to avoid reproductive issues and expensive fertility treatments.

If you had a brother who had to choose between an older woman with IVF treatment and a 23 year old with natural conception, which would you advise?

Women are free to choose what to do with their bodies. But young men need to be made aware of the reality of the female reproductive window, so they can factor that information into decision-making when selecting a wife, particularly if they want children.

I am not speaking in hypothetical situations. Right now, I have four male friends in their
Forties who have spent a combined 100milliom on fertility treatments. It's all they lament about when we talk. They all bought into the social media bs on age gaps and married women in their mid-thirties. Now, after almost 8 years of marriage and millions in healthcare bills, one of them impregnated a 24 year old without his wife's knowledge. He wishes he had just married a much younger woman instead of marrying his wife in her mid-thirties. And he was advised then, but felt it wasn't so much of a big deal.

So armed with that information, why would anyone advise any man to get with a woman whose fertility window is almost over? Why?

Men don't talk about this issues because it's frowned upon and they are shamed if they complain.

Mindlog:
Just as IVF have become common around the world, so would oocyte cryopreservation (the preservation of the eggs just as sperms are being preserved) become a widely known practice.

I have a colleague who is presently 31 and had a oocyte cryopreservation years back, she says would have her first child in the next 3 years.... technology is also providing opportunities for women to have greater control on reproduction and I have advised some women, to look into it as their back up.

A single cycle of IVF (complete with tests, medication, extraction) can cost between 9million to 22million naira ($15,000 to $30,000) depending on the facility and country.

Why would you propose such to young people just starting out their lives? It is grossly unfair.

OloyeVIII:
Absolute trash!

This is not a diss report. I am not trying to pressure women into early marriages. The video in the original post is self-explanatory.

As the speaker in the video stated, " there's nothing as painful as wanting children and not having it" I am surrounded by multiple childless friends on their 40s whose wives got married in their late 30s. It's becoming sort of a silent epidemic.

I only posted the link for young men to watch and take heed. For men who want children, it's important that they marry women who won't have fertility issues. And older women in late 30s tend to have fertility issues. Just go to any fertility clinic to witness by yourself. Everyday, they're told," you waited too late to start a family"

And women are not to blame in all cases. The economy is hard, most people don't get their earnings up in time to support a family. This is not to diss women. But if you're a young woman in early twenties, look for a man who can support a family and get married on time. While your fertility window is still open.

And for men, I'm only providing insight to govern reproductive decision-making. And it's just the fact that most women in their thirties have difficulty conceiving. If you haven't seen it first hand, you won't realize how common place it is becoming.

And when we offer valuable counsel on a public forum, people are quick to assume we're denigrating women older than 25. That is not my intention.

NoToPile:
Now tell me why NLders won't feel this is another female above 30 bashing thread, the bolded is very unnecesary, the person you quoted is even a guy.


You sound like you are attacking females above 30. Keep your thread free from all those stuffs, post your own facts and let others post their own counter arguments.

I am not attacking women above 30. And I knew he is a guy that's why I responded that way.

Go to any fertility clinic. Speak to any OBGYN and they'll tell you- the biggest issue with infertility today is that women are delaying childbearing.

Women are coming to the clinics at ages when they should have completed their families.

My counsel is for the men. Not women. I believe everyone is deserving of love. Both young and old. But, if you're a young man who wants children, it's better to choose a wife 25 and below. It markedly reduces your risks of female infertility and gives you a window to address treatment even if there are issues.

GloriousGbola:
Fertility is not a matter of age. The only real argument for marrying early as a woman is that your body will recover faster. And that children in your late thirties may be at risk for congenital defects.

But fertility - fertility is what it is. I know lots of women who had children in their thirties. I know chicks who were promiscuous and had abortions who are married with kids today. On the flip side I know two women who married as virgins who had trouble conceiving. It is one of those random tosses of genetic dice.

You are wrong. There are more women in their 30s who have fertility issues than women in their 20s. This used to be common knowledge 30 to 50 years ago. You can not rely on anecdotal evidence.

I issue you a simple challenge:

Google "what is the single most important factor in female fertility?"

And please read all the clinical literature that shows up.

Female age is the most important factor affecting fertility. Women are born with all the eggs they will ever have and the number of eggs available decreases each day from birth onwards.

https://fertilitynetworkuk.org › fact...
Factors Affecting

NoToPile:
Most times these things are not always the way we think.

Age might be a factor but saying half of unmarried women above age 30 have fertility issues is quite unfounded. Also saying most women above 30 have issues is another unfounded statement. Most is above 70% for me and we all know it's not true

Now that I think of it, I only know one person a cousin of mine who married at 35 and had fertility issues, every other person I know that had issues with conception got married in their 20s, and it stretched to their 30s.

The others that got married in their 30s got pregnant easily.

And then most I know that married below 30 married within the range of 26-29 only one got married in school.

It's a very sensitive issue because there are lots and lots of women who married early and they had issues.mostly health related, all these hormonal imbalance and other reproductive health wahala don't respect age.


You are leaving out one fact though, what about the men? A sizeable amount of these issues come from the men and we outsiders add the women (their wives) as one of our statistic.

The video quotes clinical research. The link in the original post is a study tracking female fertility. It's not based on anecdotal evidence.

My position is to help young men who want children to make better informed choices.

And if you have two women, one in her twenties and the other in her thirties, it is far easier to treat primary infertility issues in the 20year old than in the 30 year old.

GboyegaD:
It will be nice to keep quiet than write this unfounded thoughts in your head. To know your warped mind feels all fertility issues are from the females tells your level of ignorance. Don't let your access to internet expose you further.

If you're certain the counsel isn't useful, please feel free to disregard it. In infertility, there are male and female factors. For females, there are ovarian, tubal, uterine and hormonal factors.

Male fertility is useless if the woman isn't ovulating. From clinical experience, we know women have 300,000 to 400,000 eggs at puberty and shed an average of 12, 020 annually. That puts the woman's reproductive window within 25-27 years.

If she attains menarche (starts her menses) between ages 10 and 12, she'll run out of viable eggs at age 35 to 39. It is common sense to counsel men who want children to avoid women whose eggs are about to run out

I'm actually qualified to speak on this.

It's the same common sense to advise women to avoid marrying unemployed men.

I guess you must be older than 25, and the counsel hits a bit too close to home.