₦airaland Forum

EgusiSoup:

Nigga, why the 12:00 clock face na. You know people who eat you with too much palm oil always end up with fat midriff and obesity

daretodiffer:
Are you trying to say that your mum brought absolutely nothing to the table?

On NairaBlog, men separate their mums and sisters from other Naija women in their mind when insulting the female folks. You know, their female relatives fell from heaven, they can do no wrong.

Op, is there something you are looking for? How's your exercise and prayers Nairalands business.

Yudalaonline:
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Hello. Are you guys just looking for traffic? Cos no order is going through on your site. I'm about to call your customer care line to blast you guys for lying to the public.

Modified:
I was able to order using a Pc instead of the phone I was using before. Lets see if it gets delivered.

say4gunit:
Its real, i've ordered one already.

How did you order. I want to get the Samsung for my Lil sister in lagos.

Another story of a cheating husband and a pitiable Nigerian wife who must get married and stay married by all means.
What a nation of dirty hypocritical religious vagabonds.

TheFatOne:
Thanks dear.. Congrats

So? Have you taken a decision? I posted the diet plan already.

Nice one.
This generation will definitely go to a fake heaven/hell.

`

@TheFatOne
I will give you your daily diet plan when you are ready, diet plans for the first 10days/detox and the last 12days/Swish diet.
If you don't lose weight and start to eat healthy after it all, then you can go ahead and arrest the owner of this forum, not me

TheFatOne, you can do this, you can lose weight. All you need is the diligence, determination and self-discipline.
I know cos this is what I do. I help others lose weight both in and out of Nigeria.
I am willing to coach you, whenever you are ready.

TheFatOne:
. OK.. I've done all that
But don't know where to purchase the forever lite
And can any aloe Vera gel serve?

Go to any big pharmacy or shoprite. Yes, any good Aloe gel will work fine, you need about 2litres of it for the 10days. Doesn't have to be a Forever product, you can get others too, what we need is the Protein supplement for energy and Aloe gel for cleansing.
The lady I'm coaching right now is in Nigeria and she is using those products.

TheFatOne:
Thanks for your concern my dear but I'm ready to try anything now.. The traditional method haven't been of any help to me...

That's because you haven't mastered your appetite. Detox is just like white-fasting with little food. After detox, you won't remember what's sweet drinks or Junks tastes like esp if you didn't binge during detox. I did it once and I haven't tasted my best food(Rice) in months. I don't drink soda, coke or take junks anymore. Thanks to detox.

daretodiffer:
I didn't say you were. I understand your concerns but detox is not the way out for her. It won't help her manage her cravings and she will gain back what she has lost. It is only effective if she is planning her wedding day in 22 days or planning to attend an important event. Detox is just a myth!

If detox is a myth then I'm Santa clause. I never ate real food or drank water before my first detox. Now I don't eat bad carbs at all, I don't eat oil, and I don't crave for junks anymore, thanks to the few days of detox that shielded me from junks and helped reduce my cravings for bad carbs and sweet foods.

Brimmie:
Nice!!
But do you have anything for someone that is underweight and skinny? I'm in my mid-twenties.. My weight fluctuates btw 49k and 54kg.

Just do the opposite of all the stuffs I have asked TheFatOne to do.
Eat junks
Ask a Yoruba women to cook EgusiSoup for you and swim in palm oil
Eat burger, fries and drink Naija coke. Lol

TheFatOne:
The detox part first please

OK. You may not lose weight after the 10days detox but you will feel extremely light and your cravings for food will reduce to the barest minimum and your stomach will shrink considerably too. It's really hard but if you just persevere and determine to do it, you will be the better for it.

So get these stuffs in pictures and the food I listed before, get them today and we will start tomorrow morning.

Things to do:

Ask someone to take your pictures today with your phone.
Check your weight and write it in a notebook
Go to a pharmacy and check your BP
Measure your stomach, waist, hips, thighs and arms with the Tailors tape and write them down in a notebook.

daretodiffer:
I am sorry but she is still going to crave junks. Also it can unheallthy




They are only great for brides to look fab n their wedding day , video shootsetc.

cc TheFatOne

I hope you know I'm not selling any drugs. So, pls don't discourage the young lady.
And Pls she has to detox.
The detox plan I have for her is simply to help her manage her appetite for the first few days and reduce her cravings for food, before we move to the next stage which is the proper diet plan.
She is 30kg overweight and I know she needs to curb the cravings first before we can move forward.
Do you get?
I don't know what else people use detox for but I know it works to rewire the psyche and people's thoughts about food.

TheFatOne:
Ok I'm ready

OK. You can do this. I have coached a lot of people on this and I haven't even met any of them physically. It only took diligence and seriousness on their parts.

Note : You can stop the detox and therapy if you want or if you can't continue. The most important thing is that, asides from keeping fit and keeping your system clean, your fat should not make you lose your self-esteem and confidence. You are just beautiful the way you are.
So this diet plan is to help cleanse your system and reduce your cravings for junk to the barest minimum.

Let's go!

Things to buy:

GROUP ONE::

A weight scale ::: 1000-2000 Naira
Tailors tape measure::: 20 naira
Skipping Rope ::: 300-400 Naira

GROUP TWO:

Aloe Vera Gel (2) ::: 3000 Naira
Lite Ultra (1) ::: 3000 Naira or less
NB: I don't want you to use any pills so let's stick with this two.

GROUP THREE:

2litre container.
Peppersoup ingredients.
Sweet Potatoes
Unripe Plantain
Cucumber
Garden Eggs
Non-fat Fish
Beans/Corn.
Olive Oil
Eggs


This is for the first 10days detox. It will cost you about 10k or so.
If you can't afford it, we can just skip to the 12days SWISH DIET part.

Note:
On no occasion should you consider to take these foods.

Sweet drinks
Sugar
Rice
Yam
Processed meals
Cakes
Palm Oil
Veg Oil
Cokes/Fanta etc
Flour.
General Junks.


I will send pictures of the things you need to buy so you can identify them if you want to do the detox part (WHICH IS IMPORTANT) or we can just move on to the swish diet.
So?

TheFatOne:
Go on

This will take dedication and self-discipline. The first part is the DETOX which you will do for 10days and the second part is the SWISH DIET part which you will do for 12days.

Are you ready.? This is intense but the first 10days, you will lose from 6-10kg and the last 12days, you will lose from 10-20kg. Depends on your diligence.
After the detox, you won't crave for food anymore as all the junks in your system will be cleansed and removed and your psyche rewired.

Like I said, you will have to discipline yourself and take a personal vow not to binge or return to your old ways.
If you feel you are ready, I will give you a detailed post and list of things to go buy.

Then I will be your coach, as you will report back here every day to report your progress. It's no joke, and you have to be ready for this.

Before we start, walk around your room and remove every food that looks like Junk.
Clear your room and stop taking interest in the General kitchen, fridge or what have you.
You are going to create your own food-store in your room and on no occasion, would you go back to eating what everyone at home is eating...For 22days.

ARE YOU READY!!

TheFatOne... go to a good Med store, buy Aloe Vera gel, Garcinia Cambodia pills, Lite Ultra, Therm, Weight scale, Fibre and a tape rule.

Take these things everyday with meals like peppersoup, sweet potatoes, unripe plantain, Salami, Chicken without skin, Oats, coffee, fish, Apples, Carrots., cucumber, garden eggs, Yoghurt and lots of water. Then exercise by walking instead of biking or riding, skip and light jogging.
Shun rice, bread, red meat, salt, oil, yam and most carbs.

After about 21days, you will not only lose appetite but you will feel full when you eat very little and your stomach will shrink considerably.

It will also help you detox and you will lose from 10-20kg in 21days.
If you want details, quote me.

Oh. great news on NairaBlog this morning

Indeed..

EgusiSoup:
Trending of nations running hooliganism tadpole not responsive aquatic aqua stop individual parenthesis grille

OK. Your case is an emergency.
Pls cut off your head and soak it in hypo for ONE WEEK.

Thank me later.

EgusiSoup:

Where does I start from now?

OK. Stand up, shake your head vigorously.
I think your brain matter moved to left of your skull and tepid water settled to the right.
Now shake your head to mix your brain properly.

If you don't get the desired result, go to the corner of your room, hit your head on the wall TEN TIMES.
Pls, you need to obey doctors instructions for maximum result.

Ain't these the slowpokes that went numb during the screening. Our senators need Medulla allowance, or better brain transplant.

Elites De Retardeens.

Legend of the grammar. Pity, the senators don't have dictionary allowance.

EgusiSoup:
She wants to eat burnt soup what goeth of music industry because of acute addiction to kunu drunkenness tiwa savage glue dullard

Hello EgusiSoup. Is everything all right up there, I mean, erm, is your medulla ok? I am a doctor and I will help if you just tell me what's wrong.

playtheblues:
Both of you are not sexually compatible.
You shouldn't marry her unless you don't care about sex at all.
Bye.

Yeah Dr. Playtheblues
Bye.

OK. NairaBlog just found another ordinary lady to make into a FP celebrity.

Get married first and you will discover that the hymen or the absence of it does not make a good wife, or a good home.
And when you start cheating on her, may the gods of her virginity strike you dead hahahaha

Taking your woman to a gyn to poke her and check for hymen reads like what a cave man would do..

Mtcheeeeeeewwww Op made it sound like he found a cure for cancer.

Some APC and PDP senators will gather in their choice club to celebrate tonight. Some will gather under water to have their wizard meeting and to suck some more blood, some of them will enter their choice hotels to mess up teenage girls from poor homes who need money..

And what do we have here Huh.. Plenty slow people with 1gigabytes cursing themselves on the internet.

MoltenMagma:
Stoopid vanity. So how the fvck does this concern us?

Who put this shhiit on the frontpage??

Do you all need a public announcement before you realize that this forum has been turned to a blog just to drive traffic.
I keep thinking the owner of NL should marry Linda so they can merge their Blogs together and maybe drown their followers in the resultant stupidity