Mindfulness:


It is funny how you know that I need reality to develop the view that relationships need hard work and sacrifice when you know nothing about me.
I have known my spouse for almost seven years. For how long have you been married?
Our relationship is getting better and we enjoy it instead of working hard, how is yours? Hard work? Sacrifice?
We have passed a phase of being in a long distance relationship living in two different countries. I see you have not made it through long distance.

You don't even know that I am female, less how old I am so be easy.

Well.. good for you.
I pray your relationship keeps getting better without hardwork and sacrifice.
Just keep it "flowing"

Dyt:


Really?

So many things I dunno
I must be a witch then

You should also know a lady don't nag without a reason
Or I don't have rights to be jealous?
I don't have rights to wanna get his attention?
Lack of these makes a woman nag
I don't think there are women that nags unnecessary
Women ain't mad to just pick on anything
If I nag then I am nagging cos there's something

OK reminds me when I was in a LDR with this guy
Called no response
Chat no
Hmmmmmm
Not like no trust but few times that devil will come on you and then he picked I started
Where were you
Hope you used a condom
She's finer and hotter than me
Those crazy childish act
And dude just hung up
Then I sent series of msgs


Now was it my fault that I nagged?
Have I also abused him in any form?

From your earlier posts, u made it sound like you love nagging randomly. You said it causally like someone would say I love drinking tea, and if my my partner cant accept my tea addiction, he should leave me alone kinda ish.
Yes there are people who nag alot for no apparent reason. Because it is their character. They are just abusive like that.

And there are ways of getting a man's attention. I can categorically tell you that nagging won't do the trick most of the times. Most people (male or female) hate nagging with passion. They just shut down as soon as the nagging starts. Nagging doesn't gain men's attention in most cases, it drives them away instead.

My opinion is that when you are in a relationship, long distance or not, and you have to start running after your partner with texts, calls and chats without them replying, then it is a sign to take a break or break it off.
No need to stay and continue tormenting oneself's and the other person with nags.

PiperAlpha:


Indeed. Mr. Mindfulness is not a realist. He's taking optimism too far.

Relationships are work; and they require considerable amount of effort to make them work. There will be moments where each party will struggle to love each other - Law of diminishing return, and both need to make a concerted effort to love each other during those moments.

I don't think he has ever been in a long distance relationship perhaps, he would appreciate the fact that sacrifices must be made to keep the fire burning. LDR is another complex relationship that requires a lot of efforts from both parties to make the relationship work. Constant communication, traveling to see each other, to mention but a few are essential of they're going to make the relationship work.

Anyway, we're all wired differently, and we perceive things differently. We agree to disagree.

Between,


Where is my coat of many colors?

I used to think like him. Then reality started hitting me squarely.
He would come to terms with it sooner or later.


Now long distance relationship. Shït!!! Being there, done that. No way will I ever walk that path again. Because not everyone knows what it entails and the sacrifices involved.

Lol.... my mama's still making the coat.

Mindfulness:


It wasn't me who said they were sacrifices.

My bad.
Sorry.

Dyt:


That goes for a man that's pretending duh
If you being real
You won't have issues with my nagging
You know me for it, don't pretend to wanna endure and hoping I will change
I can't change
I flaunt my own bad side but I guess the best part of me always wins sha


Op talking about sacrifices
Endurance lol
I just put in a check and you already raised eyebrow

So my dear
Relationship should be enjoyed and not endured

No matter what
I.can't date and a stingy man not to talk of making sacrifices by enduring
Not in this world
Ori iyemi onije


Stinginess, abuse(any form o) words, physical, emotional
Hell to the fecking no
I am too pretty to stay and suffer
Life is too short
Live every moment like you won't live again
Miolewaku

You realise nagging is a form of abuse. Both words and emotional abuse.

PiperAlpha:



I still stand by my opinion that a successful relationship will not come on a platter of gold. Sacrifice: resources (money), time etc must be made.

Cheers.

I stand with you.

Mindfulness:


It doesn't come natural because most of us were trained to think that it requires hard work but from my experience if it requires hard work then something is wrong. If the relationship is right, it flows. You don't feel like you are making a sacrifice for making out time with your spouse, you are keen on doing it. If you don't feel like spending time with your spouse and it feels like a sacrifice to you, what's the point of the relationship?

If I go shopping and see something that my spouse needs, I get it for him when the money is there and I enjoy getting it. I don't think of it as having made a sacrifice.

I don't tolerate my spouse. I appreciate my spouse.

As for empathy and understanding, it is required in all spheres of our life. I don't think it is hard work either.

What you mentioned are not sacrifices. They are basic ingredients needed for a relationship to take off on the right foot firstly.
Sacrifices go depeer than that.

Dyt:


Chai too long but I picked the change part maybe I tried and it never worked
I am sha not a witch that nags all the time
I nag cos that's the only way I let out my anger, jealousy and something
Its something I can't control when I am fumming
So that's my own bad side, I know it and I don't need any man to remind me else I nag again

Lol..I know. I ended up writing an epistle.

PiperAlpha:

I beg to disagree with you too Sir. A successful relationship doesn't come natural, and it isn't spontaneous. Sacrifices: time, resources etc must be made. Tolerance, empathy, understanding are all essential ingredients of a "successful" relationship. #my2cents

@op...what's your definition of a successful relationship?

My exact point.
A successful relationship is no fun or flow kinda thing.

Yes certain things "flow" in a relationship. What y'all don't realise is that certain selfish traits would stop the normal flow of a relationship. Thats when sacrifice comes in. Giving up what won't make your relationship "flow".

Dyt:

Do I sense you talking about changing for my partner, not accepting me for me?


This is me a nag, whoever wants to love me will with all my imperfections
If a man is stingy and I know but still loves him, he can't change lai lai, me sticking with him is accepting his imperfections and making it perfect.

This is the logic
Don't hide yourself
Show this is you and trust me you won't ever have any issues to worry

All we want is just that someone that makes us feel perfect
That one that completes us no matter his or her flaws
That one you can go on and on and on with and still crushes on him
That very one made for you
Don't change for me as you will always get back to yourself if something lacks
Just be you and that your complete will meet you half way

Me I kuku have lots of imperfections
I nag
I am impulsive
And some bolt don't just loose, they fly off sometimes ask mynd44


Damn some men stinginess get grades sha

Not changing for your partner. Change for yourself. Change because you want to stop hurting someone. Change because you feel you truly need to.
If you feel your character is not affecting anyone negatively, you don't have to change.

Example, I can't stand someone that lies, total turn off. Now if I discover my partner is a liar, am gonna try to understand why they lie, analyse it critically. Talk to them about their lies, let them see how bad it is affecting the people around them negatively. Let them come to the conclusion that they have to change. Not for me but because it is a bad character. If they are not ready to change, I take a walk because I can't live the rest of my life like that.


Don't hide yourself. Changing is not synonymous to pretence. Pretence is when someone from the example above tries to make their partner falsely perceive that they do not lie anymore. All their efforts will be directed at changing the way their partner sees them.
But when someone is changing, the way they view things change, they are concerned about how everyone around them feels due to their actions. Their focus shifts from how they are seen to how they affect people. They acknowledge that they hurt people with their lies and they sincerely wanna stop that.

There are some imperfection you love someone with, that is if you know you can stand that for the rest of your life. Accepting people's imperfections does not extend to their selfish traits. No one is perfect yes. But there is always a perfect one for everyone.

You can't keep nagging my head off everytime and expect me to stick with you for the rest of my life. Same way I don't expect you to stick with me if something I do hurts you most times, and I refuse to let it go.

My opinion is that if your partner complains about a character of yours to you. Sit down on your own and analyze it first.
How did they tell me? Is he being manipulative about it? Or going commandos on me?
Is that my particular character really hurtful? How would I feel if the tables were turned?
Will me letting go of that character make me loose my self or my identity in the process?
So many things to ponder on. After this is when you can sit with them and talk to them about it and if u wanna change, ask them for help.

Compromise is when I hate rice and he hates beans, but we decided to eat rice and beans mixture. Or eat those food on alternate days.
Compromise is not me coming home to a nagging husband after a hard day work everyday.
Or when my husband refuses to help me financially because he is stingy and not because he is financially incapable. Thats suicidal.

angiography:

Bode George was once the chairman of NPA, he failed...

I hate my Yoruba men failing while they were entrusted with strategic position just because of their greediness

Every body fails in Nigeria.

Mindfulness:


@bold

I am glad that you put successful in quotation marks because I was wondering who taught you that a successful relationship requires sacrifice.

I disagree completely. A successful relationship is full of love, fun and joy. It feels like home. Even when you have disagreements, they serve you to develop the relationship and make the relationship interesting and exciting. A successful relationship FLOWS.

Don't let anyone tell you that you need to work hard to get it or to make sacrifices. The opposite is true.

I disagree.
A successful relationship doesn't just flows.
It requires hard work.
It requires sacrifices.
It requires being mindful of your partner.
His/her needs.
It feels like home when you make it home.
Compromise.
It is filled with love, joy and fun when both parties give up their selfishness in whatever form and however minute it is.
Disagreement makes the relationship healthier only when both parties sit to talk and sort out the issues causing disagreement.
You don't let disagreement flow. You don't sulk when their is disagreement.
You talk about it in an healthy way, however inconvenient that is.
No matter how long it takes for both parties to calm down, you have to talk about it.
Those are some of the hard work which at the end of the day results in successful relationship.

Lol... this deranged lady again.
She defo has a mental health challenge.

Askseek:

If you work why can't you take care of financial responsibilities in the home? How is contributing to a home where you live, your home sharing in his responsibility? It is a joint responsibility. You did not address the other chores men do I gave examples of, should the woman share it if the man helps with the house or with kids? By the way this generalization of all men as the same is wrong. They are not all the same just as not all woman are this perfect wife of cook, clean and take care of the husband. Marriage is not 50/50 or black and white. The ratios vary and trying to fit it in a box is the easiest way for it to fail but what do I know? I have only been married to one man for more than 15 years and I have not met the kind of callous men described on this forum.

Read my earlier post. I said MOST men. No generalisation here. And yeah, this is Nigeria, this is the way our culture and belief is, the man is supposed to provide the home's financial needs, while the woman does all the housekeeping duties and childcare. It has been like that for years. But now that things have evolved and men are demanding that women should share in the home financial responsibilities, I guess it is fair that they share the home keeping duties with the wives too.
And those duties u claim that men do in the homes are usually contracted out. Additionally, my belief is that every lady should know how to do those additional light masculine-appearing chores like changing of bulbs, fixing little things around the house etc, as long as it is within their physical abilities.

Finally childcare duties should be shared between the husband and the wife. The kids belongs to both of them, they share equal responsibilities to train up those kids.

raumdeuter:


So In Nigeria the average working woman doesnt contract all those housekeeping and cooking jobs to maids and family members?

So which responsibilities are women doing solely when the cooking cleaning and childcare are done by maids, family or kids as soon as they are older.

Most women the moment they have daughters of 10yrs they stop almost all duties at home. Just come back from work, sit down with TV and bark out orders

How many families do you see around with maids. I grew up in a home where we had no maid, so also is like 95% of families I know around me.

Let's assume they leave the duties to kids as soon as they get older and they had no maid, it is safe to say that the woman must have been the one doing the chores. I believe it is fair if the husband helps her out during those period.

And there is no way you can leave all the chores for your kids, no matter how old they are.

I dont know what set of people you mingle with, but sitting on one's aśš while a 10year old is running the house is a total show of irresponsibility and wickedness.

raumdeuter:


they split bills, the wife does childcare, the man does the heavy lifting like fixing cars, fixing electrical, and plumbing issues cut the lawn etc

How is that not sharing responsibilities

Lets stop deceiving ourselves, men rarely do those things these days. They call in mechanicsbto fix the cars, electricians to fix the electricity, plumber for the plumbing work and so on. So no, thats not yet sharing of responsibilities.

lofty900:
God: Fine girl, what are you doing here in the spirit world, are you not supposed to be in school?
Fine girl: Baba God, it's not my fault o. My jealous boyfriend sent me to this place.
God: Ur boyfriend? Why?
Fine girl: He said that I was cheating on him. I don't know his wahala o
God: But did u cheat?
Fine girl:
God: Oya go and join the queue and wait for judgment day
Fine girl: Baba God ah swear, if you send me go back to Earth, I no go cheat again, I go focus on my studies, I go graduate with first class
God: Shoro Niyen?

I know you have some remnants of your brain somewhere in your skull. Use it please, to know when to be appropriately humorous.
This post of yours is very silly.

HaneefahRN:

It cld be cos the woman's children are all female tho, 4 gals, didn't knw some men still take the children's gender to @, it's a wonder he hasn't gotten a 2nd wife. But nt to paint him in a totally bad lyt, he pays their sch fees and some other fees albeit partly. Thank God the girls are doin well, the 1st born recently got admitted in one of the prestigious unis for nursing.

Even that makes him more stupiid.
So because they are all girls, that makes them a lesser human being?
It is his responsibility to pay all their fees if he has the money. So paying half of their fees while being a father Christmas to his extended and distant family members means he is totally bad.

Inioluwa01:
OP, sincerely, I feel your pain. I just got out of something like that too, though mine seems a little tougher than yours. I worked for over 9months without no pay in one of the multinational Companies in the Country(tho franchised)under the excuse of 'the company is going through some financial stress bla bla bla ,and what did I get in return?...a blatant allegation that I was stealing his money. He went as far as requesting I drop my phones so he can check for alerts of 'diverted' payments from Customers. He didn't see anything and of course, wasn't satisfied. The height of the insult was calling my bank, where he happened to be a former staff, to request my account statement which the mumu accounts Officer gave to him, forgetting that it is against the ethics of the job. Of course, he didn't see anything. There and then, I made up my mind it was time to leave. It's till now, the best decision I have made in my life. So, cheer up....it's an experience gained. God will make ways of better places for you soon. Move on.

Tell me you sued that bank and dragged them through mud at least.

Askseek:
T

And she must go to mechanic too oh, do repairs in the house, fix light bulbs you know those little things men do that women conveniently forget like it does not exist and before you ask me if I am married and if my husband knows how much I earn? From the first day. It's a marriage what is the benefit of secrets? doesn't mean I don't know my role because I pay bills? Am I not an adult? In one breath we say the woman is not his property and in the next breath the man should take care of all the financial responsibilities without any contribution from the woman. Total BS. Smh

I don't understand. So you are your husband's property because he takes care of most of your financial responsibilities? Safe to say a child who is responsible for his aged parents' finances can call his parents his properties?

You are getting it wrong. Most men shy away from housechores or childcare because they believe their only responsibility is financial provision. While the woman is responsible for the housekeeping, child care and other stuff. Really I could care less if a home is ran like this, if the wife is a full housewife. Because the wife can't bring any physical thing to the table per se
But if you as a husband is demanding to split bills with your wife ( am talking about the woman adding something very substantial), then be ready to split other household duties with her. Because if she helps you with your duties, the responsible thing is help her with hers too

HaneefahRN:

I know if u know this family u wnt judge her like that. The wife is the kind of person even outsiders are ready and willing to put their trust in, even mere colleagues. None of the listed is true. Sincerely, it's even cos of her children she has been enduring the marriage. And he is the kind of person that places his extended family above his wife, even the most distant of them all. He'll tell his wife of over 15yrs blood is thicker than water. Even if the children avn't eaten and a full grown family of his come, he'll rather give that family. And God help the wife make she talk where they are doing family meeting, she'll hear the history of her life. One of his extended family, a full grown man with his own family who doesn't even send anybody is his next of kin rather than his wife and children. Even at the early stages of their marriage, he once told the wife to remove her thns from her only box for his sister to take to sch. He doesn't beat her physically but the psychological abuse is there. As in I always pity her and pray for her.
The last part of ur reply is more like it.
I think from all I av said u shld get a picture of wht she is going thru, all we av to do is to pray for a person that best completes one not someone who will derive pleasure in seeing some1 sad who has no understanding of one's feelings

Your aunt is better off with no husband.

freshvine:


Like I said : Trust issues.

If this man did all this things you enumerated, then something is wrong with the marriage.
1. The man doubt the paternity of his kids ( so he doesn't know who to will his property to)

2. Your aunt have been behaving funny with him threatening to leave with her children so he decides it is best to will off his investment. Fathers hate it when their grown blood turn against them because of their wives brainwashing them.

3. He suspect your aunt is cheating or not being real to the marriage.

If non of the above is the case, I suppose that man need help. You guys should chain him and take him in for deliverance

You sound more ridiculous with each of your replies.
How about the only thing is that something is wrong with the man. No need to parambulate. The man is clearly sick. If u suspect your kids are not yours, paternity test is there. If he suspect his wife is cheating on her, confront her or catch her red handed and end the marriage.
Dunno how the man can have a rest of mind, knowing that if anything happens to him, his kids are not well catered for.

freshvine:


You see there lies the issue.

I never expected you to judge on the favor of the man because your aunt is family. If I ask you about your dad now, you'd say he is an angel thrown from heaven just as you have absolved your aunt of any wrong doing.

The mentality your aunt have is what you've exhibited on your last paragraph. What happens in joint ownership of properties with the Mr. and Mrs. title? Are they not suppose to be one till date or isn't their children going to inherit it?

Tomorrow you'll open a thread here to claim abandonment when your husband become smart due to your deception.

When your wife's father or mother leaves her a property, do not covet it. Work hard so that you can leave properties for your kids too. Shikenna.

Shymm3x, Ibebe
When I wrote WAEC, you must register for a Nigerian language. It is left for you to go write the exam or skip, but you must register and it must reflect on your WAEC certificate
Now, Nigerian language is optional and being replaced with Civics Education or something of sort.

And there goes the teaching of Yoruba language and some bits of Yoruba history. If the language is not even compulsory, how can one introduce the history of Yoruba into the curriculum.

superstar1:


Madam, it is my home town.

Baptist's teaching training centre has been on that site for decades before it was converted to Bowen university. It was not a newly acquired land.

I know the role the King played in getting all to contribute towards the development of the school, through the various town associations.

Though born and raised in Egbaland, it is safe to say I am from Iwo. And I am baptist. I know of the Baptist Teacher training college.
I can categorically tell you that the establishment of Bowen University met some opposition at its initial stage. And yea the King played an important role. He is the reason why there is Bowen University in Iwo because he supported from the beginning. Nigerian Baptist Convention was beginning to look for alternative location for the Uni

superstar1:
I

The whole community contributed towards Bowen University, irrespective of the religion.

Sorry, but that is not true. The Muslims opposed the establishment of Bowen University in Iwo initially.

Shymm3x:


Street dreamin'...dream on, dream on - that's what Nas and R.Kelly said in "Street Dreams". But like 2pac said, "Can you get away?" - I doubt it. The duke of Ijebuland stays conquering different territories.

The new Ooni will defo. need viagra to handle all that batty. But the young blood is ever ready to pounce and lift all that like free weight. Even Jhene Aiko knows what a young blood can do to that batty like groceries.

Nope. Its ok. I am contented with the money, fame and connection that comes with being one of his numerous wives.

As for the young blood, one word:- Gigolos (emphasis on the s)

superstar1:



Oyinlola was a brazen looter. What did he achieved with funds from Excess Crude oil?

He took loan from Oceanic , to execute th free trade zone project and tomato puree industry, and the collective money that the people of Osun are busy repaying was looted by Oyinlola and his cohorts.

All the roads he did for billions of naira were substandard. I am sure they are all in bad state now.

Aregbe is not better in any way when you compare the amount the state is owing to the development on ground ground the comatose state of Osun.

Did we need the changes of name to state of Osun and the attendant cost of change of letter heads, signposts etc

Was the change in uniform necessary?

Why demolish schools when we have not seen the on you promised us?

All these can only happen in a state full of educated but unexposed people like Osun State or is it State of Osun.

The problem with Osun state is that the educated ones are not actively involved in politics. They leave the voting to the uneducated ones who cast their votes according to the quantity of foodstuffs they received during the course of the campaign.

9jacrip:


Oyin embezzled and did not touch the roads but he at least was able to erect and run a university without strikes or owed salaries to local and even professors from outside Naija until Aregbe came and all professors began to flee.

Oyinlola kept the state running, let's give him that.

Oyinlola owed secondary and primary school teachers salaries. He fired certain teachers, saying the subject they are teaching is irrelevant (e.g Yoruba language) , came up with stupid policies. I don't know about the universities in Osun state though, but the primary and secondary schools were not well taken care of.
Don't even talk about the health sector. That guy finished Osun state.
Oyinlola is to Osun state, as Gbenga Daniel is to Ogun state.

modath:


It was switched, Oyinlola was PDP, Aregbe was ACN then, it was the "exit" of OBJ that lumped them together.

Aregbe did well in his 1st term but the gods deafened & blinded him in his 2nd term..... He is on a one way ticket to political oblivion....... But God forbid Omisore rule Ijesa land, the soul of Bola Ige will hunt us...

Osun's fortune is not even looking good cos on both sides, i can't see anybody worth drying out & getting sunburnt for...


@ tupacshaker,

Kare awe ...

My bad. I thought Oyinlola was AD.
I think we should stop voting in Governors for second term in South West. These dudes always end up bleeding the states dry during their second terms.
Come to think of it, Osun state no just luck when it comes to governors.
Oyinlola na tout.
Aregbe na rascal.
Wonder who is coming up next. Area boy?
My beautiful Osun people need to wake up.

9jacrip:


Oh well, sad.

I wonder how long we will continue to get fed with propaganda by our elected officials. If what you're saying is true then it makes me sad - too many posts have been put up here connecting Amosun to one laudable project or the other.

I think it is time we stopped cheering to a project on news paper and start verifying if it is indeed on ground.

Yea, I thought he was doing something in Ogun state too until I visited last year, and saw things for myself.
Example is the Ultramodern shopping Complex/mall proposed since 2012 or so. I remember it gained a lot of publicity, people were excited, was also excited. I even called Egba to ask my people about it.

The proposed site (that was formerly a government secretariat) for the complex has been vacated by the government offices since about a year now. The place has been partly demolished for over a year now and that's it. Nothing else is going on there.

Am sure dude will soon come up with another project idea again, gain publicity, people talk about it, and that's all. Nothing more after that. And the cycle continues like that.