₦airaland Forum

This is a discussion you should have before you get married.

You should discuss and agree .

Marriage should be seen as a partnership

Both parties input, suggestion, health, state of mind and feelings should be taken seriously and into consideration.

All the cards should be spread out, the pros, cons should be weighed. Then a "balance" or "near balance" decision should be made, jointly .

The goal is having more wins than loses.

The goal is reducing problems/disadvantages to the barest minimum.

The goal is moving forward and upward in every way possible.

The goal is to ensure that the sacrifices are "bearable" and no one is left behind.

The goal is to act like a team and watch each other's back.

We need to start viewing marriage like a business, you want to do everything possible to make sure you move forward without suffering too many loses. All share holders(husband, wife, children) have to be as happy and satisfied as possible.

We need to start viewing marriage like two soldiers(husband and wife) on a battle field. When the safety, peace of mind of one of the soldiers is compromised, the safety of the other is also compromised. When one of the soldier gets shot, you have one weaker person on the squad, you have more work to do to ensure that you and your wounded partner don't get killed.

Marriage is a battle field , both soldiers have to be actively involved in its overall protection, a win for one is a win for both. A loss for one is most likely a loss for both.

Sorry, I am ranting. But it gets quite upsetting when people try to make certain decisions as important as child bearing solely one persons burden.

I am not claiming to know everything, I am just sharing my opinion.

Its most likely poisonous because of the color combination and skin texture. A close up picture would help identify it better.
But it looks like a cobra or a mamba.

There is a rule of thumb I always tell people to follow.
If a rat can enter your house, then a snake can enter too.

Block all holes, keep the environment clean, clear all bushes around.
Make sure your fence doesn't have holes, cement the top of the fence if it isn't cemented.
Dispose your waste as frequently as possible. They attract rats and rats attract snakes.
Fumigate often, not just inside, but outside as well.


I heard bitter kola repels them . Not sure if it does.

I read somewhere that garlic helps, lemon grass does too
https://www.pests.org/best-plants-that-naturally-repel-snakes/

Be safe

Follow me on Twitter www.twitter.com/NaijaSteveJobs

ibkayee:
Some insecurities start from young o and can progress for many years, but you may be right

You are right about insecurities starting from a young age, some of them just "mature" into full blown introvercy.
Some are as a result of the wiring of the brain, some are introverts due to various external factors over time(upbringing,bullying, etc.) .

ibkayee:
I'm not totally convinced she's necessarily an introvert sha, she could be, I just don't think there's enough nformation to come to this conclusion.

Introverts can be shy and quiet, but not all people who are shy and quiet are necessarily introverts if that makes any sense.

She could be shy and quiet because she's scared of interacting with people and conscious of how they'll view her, but perhaps she wishes this wasn't the case, then add her insecurities to the equation. I don't know if this automatically makes her an introvert. She could just be insecure about the way she looks, causing her to shy away from as much 'scrutiny' as she can, whilst wishing she was confident enough to do the things she's shying away from

An introvert's desire for alone time is not necessarily always because they're shy or even afraid, they also don't necessarily completely dislike socializing. They just prefer a certain amount of social engagement with certain types and amounts (personal preference) of people. Introverts and extroverts differences aside, I believe there's also a wide variety of personalities within the introvert spectrum alone itself

Anywho she may very well be an introvert, she then there's also the possibility that she isn;t

The emboldened part of your write up, is what many people fail to understand .
As you have rightly said, there are various "degrees of introvercy"
Some are more extreme than others .

I believe she is one, its evident in her approach and the timeline of events from the very first day OP met her till now. She hasn't changed or loosened up to anyone except her husband (to an extent) .

If you take note, he also said she doesn't take pictures with her family(the people she has spent most of her life with !!), this sets off multiple introvert detector alarms .

sleit:
OP check out what Donald3d wrote above, there could be no better and comprehensive explanation than that. Your wife isn't damaged, she is an introvert, and there are people like her. Donald3d is one, I am another. I do almost everything you say your wive does, and I'd even react similarly if put in such positions you put her. This is the first time I will see someone describe me so accurately while trying to describe themselves.

Finally, another witness .
Thanks for sharing your experience.

Acidosis:
My advice for you most likely will break your home so I'll keep that to myself. One evident fact I must state here based on your narrative, however, is that your dear wife does not love you as much as you think [doesn't mean there's no element of likeness].

Forget about photos and focus on your love life. An introvert woman that falls in love with a man will NEVER get mad over her man's decision to upload her photo. Introverts may never upload their photos in 10 years but don't be f00led... They want to see their photos on the DP of the ONE person they love.

In fact, the introverts I know count it all joy when a man they love so dearly do for them the things they wouldn't do for themselves. Start working on your love life man.

I am sorry Sir, but you can't understand it except you are one .

I love my wife more than anyone can imagine, but each time she attempts to post my pictures or even an ordinary post on her status for my birthday I always refuse. On few, very few occasions I might have allowed it.

The day she posted it without my knowledge, I deleted it .

She taught it was because it's her own status, she has full access to my phone so she tried putting up a birthday post on my own status for my own birthday ooo, I deleted the post and told her to stop doing it . I wasn't happy about it at all.

Her wishes to me physically are more than enough.

So with respect Sir, your assumptions that she doesn't love her husband are most likely wrong.

I have also never posted a happy birthday message for my wife as well. A gift to her is more than enough. She is not even on my WhatsApp profile picture.

I ensure I make her happy in multiple ways within my means on her birthday.
Posting online is NEVER a definite proof of love.

maasoap:
If he waits too long, too late, it will get worse and he won't find the right person to marry. Imagine a broke man of 45 to 50 looking for a single woman to marry! What type of single woman would be interested in marrying him? May be single mummies of 35 and above.

The guy is already 41 and not yet rich enough, still you failed to see problem in front of him!
The only way a man can marry the woman of his choice is either he marries at a young age with or without enough money or he marries late but have enough money to entice single woman of his choice.

But a man who doesn't have age on his side and doesn't have more than enough money in his pocket will have problem settling down with his choice of woman or the right woman as you put it.

Nothing stop a serious man from getting marry latest at 35, whether he has enough at the time or not. All he needs is how to plan and manage his family according to his means. Just one kid for a start until things start getting better for him

ok

This is Nigeria

I am not trying to force a laptop down your throat.
But why don't you get a laptop instead ?
Any particular reason you want a desktop ?

ZhyonKross:
The water was frozen for the dog to pass through

Rexmy:
The dog used a bridge.

Sorry I forgot to add, no bridge too

phantomking:
He was last seen at itire axis in surulere and that was 2 weeks he was putting on a blue jersey and short jeans

Ok, I pray he is found

I would post the answer here. In case no one gets it . Its quite easy actually.

A man and his dog are on opposite sides of a river .
The river is 10 km long and 100 meters wide.
The dog crossed over to the other side of the river within approximately 5 minutes to meet its owner without getting wet and without using a boat.
How did the dog do it ?

I pray he is found soon in Jesus name

Please add more information, like what he was wearing when he was last seen

Isolation center wey go Harvard

ikemesit4477:
Good afternoon nairalanders!
I bought 600 unit of shares from first bank of Nigeria in 2007, initially I open cscs account in my town sometimes ago, but that particular branch was later shut down, so I was advised to go to the state capital to open another cscs account, which I did! But due to the fact that I later got a job outside the state, and I did not even make any enquiry about the shares anymore, and mind you, I have never received any dividend since I bought the shares, these is 19 years now, I still have the photocopy of the shares certificate, now how can I retrieved back my shares after that long years, during these lockdown my eye the red please I need your input on how to go about it, thanks!

Contact their customer care.
Twitter is a good staring point.

Tyenergie:
Hello Nairalander,

My wife called my attention to some strange granulated particles she noticed in our baby's faeces ( she's fond of checking his diaper before thrashing it to the waste cellophane) this morning. After a close examination, I discovered those particles are stones he might have picked and swallowed.

Although, I've barricaded all the routes he might took to the same spot to avert further recurrence.

He hasn't shown any sign of illness, albeit. But, should I need to be worried about this? Or is there any drug that can be administered to him aside vitamin C and paracetamol to prevent him against residual bacteria and fungi.

Thanks.

If you are very worried the best option is to talk to a doctor

BolaAdenekan:
I remember when we first met, she would stay at my house for days, she would sleep with her makeup on and her wigs. I was even thinking that maybe she had a skin condition, why is this girl always wearing makeup. It wasn’t until after 5 months that I saw her natural face. I thought maybe she would outgrow this childish nature, but it seems to be getting worse. This is not the way to live.

Please ready my detailed response above, it would help you understand your wife better.
She isn't being childish, its just who she is.

Plain and simple, your wife is an introvert, or at least an ambivert, most likely the former.

You need to stop trying to change her, and give her space to be herself .

How do I know this ? I am an introvert, besides Nairaland and maybe recently Twitter, I really can't talk much to people face to face, except its business, and I always opt for a WhatsApp chat except it totally necessary to see in person, business is the only thing that "brings me out of my shell", because there is no alternative.

This is part of the major reason why I am a freelancer, recently gathered the "courage" to register my business and would be opening a physical location soon.
Does that mean I am insecure ? No !

I am sorry I am talking too much about myself, but I believe it would help you better understand your wife.

Ironically my babe (wife) reminded me this morning that we have not taken a picture together in a long time. Its true, I take like one or two pictures in a year. Sometimes I don't.

She used to think I was insecure until she started understanding me.

The "problem" with introverts is that we notice too much details, we pay too much attention, we try to make everything as perfect as possible, because we don't want other people to have the wrong impression of us, at the same time we don't care what people think if we don't talk to them(I know its ironic). We would easily see flaws where an average person won't see one.

I was extra shy on my wedding day. I didn't have up to 60 people in attendance.I doubt it was up to 40 sef. I was too shy to look into people's faces to count.

I warned family and friends not to share my wedding pictures or videos online.

We don't like crowd, we don't like people being in "our business".

We value our "space" and privacy more than anything.

We also don't like to be constantly in peoples faces or being at the mercy of other people.

Some of us are "afraid" of phone calls, its that "bad"

Its just who we are .

Excessive social interaction , especially when it has to do with speaking or seeing people , just drains us.

About going out, just like her , I hate going anywhere. Let me shock you, in the last two years I can count how many times I have gone anywhere, I am not kidding . Out of 365 days in a year, at least 350-360 is spent at home. Yet I work at least 18 hours everyday.

What can you do to help her ?

1.Constantly remind her of how proud you are of her
2.Tell her how beautiful she looks.
3.Giver her space
4. Understand that this is who she is and don't try to judge her. We feel really sad when the people we love, don't understand us.


You should not bother about her reaction to other people, because it would most likely never change as long as she isn't rude to them. In fact she would be too shy to be rude sef.
Be more concerned about her interaction with you and treat her with love and understanding.

You honestly have no idea how awkward she feels, when you try to force her to interact or socialize with other people.
It was insensitive of you to share her videos and pictures with your child online without her permission. I know how she felt, she felt like the ground was going to open and swallow her up. The same thing happened with the video call you forced on her, she was just giving excuse of not having make up on to evade the video call.

I am sorry sir, this may sound insensitive or rude, but you don't understand your wife Sir. I do a lot.
Please sit her down, may be let her read this post and ask her how she feels about social interactions and you would be amazed when she opens up to you.

People have a very wrong notion that all introverts are extra quiet or have low self esteem
With our loved ones and people we "allow" into our space, we are very free and can share or talk about almost anything and are very conversational (that's the reason she slept with make up when you just met her, she wasn't comfortable enough to lay her "introvert shield" down).

Please try and understand her Sir, and stop trying to force social interactions on her, you would only succeed in pushing her away more. You would drive her deeper into her shell

Are introverts psychologically damaged people ? No, we are one of the smartest, strong willed and motivated people around, because we have enough time to pay attention
Are we awkward ? Maybe
Do we love being this way ? Yes, It blissful
Are we sweet and caring ? More than you can imagine
Do you have more time to spend with us ? Big yes

If you focus on her benefits than her disadvantages, you would enjoy your wife much more than you can imagine.

maasoap:
Continue deceiving him and yourself with never too late. Even before he created the thread, he himself knew that it is getting late. Will you now start having kid or kids when you are already 50 or 60, or you will forget having kids?
And when he's finally ready, he will realise that he has bigger problem because single women won't be interested in marrying him. All of them will be telling that he's old, that's a sure thing. Last last, he will just settle down for whatever he is able to get.

Copy: manuelreports

So should he marry the wrong person, just because he wants to get married ?
I urge you to understand my post very well, I never told him to wait.
I only encouraged him, that at his current age, its not too late, but its more important to marry the right person.

sonofthunder:
As she prefers liquid... Try making her smoothies with fruits and veg. It may also help to induc e hunger. Though not having hunger pangs can be signs of an underlying problem, it can also just be nothing.

I was about to type this !. Perfect solution.
It would give her most of the nutrients she needs.

Bartork

Not in all cases

faithfull18:
Alright, it should be a case of 'do as I do' not 'do as I say'

I give the dose at least 5-6 times a week . Twice today already

sisisioge:



Inside this covid...but its cute.

As if they don't do other 'things' .
Its been discovered that Covid19 can be transmitted sexually

simonlee:
My wife will think i have finally tested positive for Covid19 and want to give her her share

But you walk around the house na, you sleep on the same bed, you touch the same objects.. Covid19 can be spread without physical contact

faithfull18:
Are you married Just asking.

Yes I am

Look for them wherever they are, don't say a word, spread your arms out, grab and hug them from the front deeply from the depth of your heart for at least a minute. Look them in the eyes, smile, walk away and carry on with what you were doing, without saying a word.

Oh, I forgot, it works on kids too.

It does a lot of magic.

Bartork:
I don't know why I don't agree with this type of love.

Friends of freinds
Ex-this or that
Siblings
Etc

In most cases it starts out as lust or disrespect or jealousy.

Seriously we have too many beautiful and available ladies. Creating a circle of venom isn't cool.

I just don't get it.

Circle of venom ? Because he chooses to spend his life with someone he thinks is worth it ?

In this case, he actually knew her first.

If you worked for company A and they sacked you. Would you refuse to work with company B offering you a place on the board/ a lifetime opportunity, just because company A has shares in company B ?

gillymoks:
My son first introduced this beautiful girl to his friend , and the girl actually falls in live with this guy. But this friend does has fallen out out with the girl. As time goes on my son had fallen in love with the girl. Can he propose marriage to the girl.? I want sincere advice, no insult please.

Your son owes his friend no explanation.
He is not responsible for his friend not seeing value in her.

I am a bit more concerned that the only thing you mentioned is her beauty.As long as she has other good qualities, he owes his friend no explanation, its not betrayal in any way.