₦airaland Forum

Dear Madge,

Its me again. I find myself always looking for a classy introduction, playing around with lines, hoping to impress. But everything either seems hollow or cheesy. So I end up with something as lame as ''Its me again''.

How are you though? I hear London is on high alert again as a terrorist attack seems imminent. Well, Nigerians are perpetually on terrorist alert. I have since discovered their laid back exterior is nothing but a patina over a recurring fear of the unknown. Life can be really hard here and often goes for two a penny. Burukutu has furnished me with all manner of stories about ritual killings and the newspapers are filled with trailers ploughing into crowds, robbers raping and pillaging . . . . . honestly Madge you wonder how they cope, especially without a big man like our victims to fight for justice.

Okay Madge. . .enough of my social lamentations. They probably won't appreciate it anyway. Something about not wanting to wash their dirty embroideries in the presence of foreigners/.

I hope I have fooled you and concealed my excitement about the koboland case. Things have moved on rapidly and I actually do not know where to start. I remember I told you in my last letter about an impending meeting with the ''big man's'' daughter. I shall get to that soon enough, but before that I think I should go on a detour and give a description of life on koboland.com and how our victims fit into it. I think its long overdue and it will illuminate future letters I might write.

You can use many words to describe the activities on that website, but dull is not one of them. Conflict, spontaneity, prepubescence, infantile will be more appropriate. You can call it a cyber ghetto. The women are flirtatious with mouths as big as the Lagos Lagoon, and the men ready to take offence at the slightest provocation. You have cyber corners where the regulars parade themselves, arguing over irresolvable differences of tribe, football and romance. Yes Madge, the great trivumrate of tribe, football and romance. Add a tinge of religion into it, and you have the heady mix, an addictive concoction that has members coming back for more and new entrants trooping in in droves. Its so addictive, I have taken a username myself: Moyin13. Don't ask, its a long story.

Thankfully, our victims did not spread themselves too wide. I have dismissed the possibility of a religious or sporting motive for our murders. I toyed with tribe for a while but I soon dismissed it. Our victims were regulars in the romance section, the section where opportunistic Kobolanders with the misfortune of living in Nigeria look for mates in the Nigerian diaspora hoping to bag a financial lifeline, or where erstwhile real life sexual conservatives scurry in the dark of the internet to air their deviant sexual fantasies. You also have people seeking advice about their marriage or engagement or relationship or sexual issues. All very interesting, and sometimes had me wishing I had discovered it before our errr. . . .never mind Madge, I know you will be rolling your eyes already at that one.

Of course, in such an environment, friendships, cliques, associations are formed. Many of the members have come to know each other in the real world as well which doesn't make it our investigation any easier. One simply doesn't know who is in cahoots with who until a topic thread comes up and this member reveals he has been financially wiped out by another golddigging member, two people one didn't have a clue had anything together simply going by the postings on the site. They simply made initial contact on the website and took their relationships further either on phone or with myriad other avenues like facebook or Yahoo messenger. It became obvious I needed an insider, someone who knew everyone and had a feeler about who knew who and what and what was happening where.

You are probably thinking, why don't I rely on Jeun Okuwa. I could, in fact I probably should, but I refuse to. Never could stand smart alecs who think they know it all, and his smartassness borders on megalomania. No, I can't stand him Madge. My decision to avoid Mr. Okuwa was made easier I confess with the appearance of AdeAbeke, our big man's daughter. My meeting with her proved to be more productive than I could ever have hoped for.

But I fear, I will have to relay all that in my next letter. I know I am testing whatever little patience you have, but I feel I have to keep things neat or else I will be lost in all the detail.

Anyway. . .Till then

Yours

Dickie.