tunapawizzy: 1. We are talking about head of the family. Your opinion is that whoever holds the lever of finances is the head of the family. One of the ideas that feminism and equality is fighting is the same idea you are projecting- because we are now talking about a woman having the financial superiority in this case. Headship is not defined by money, stop being excessively money-minded, if actions and responsibilities and roles are are given based on financial capacity- then it is no longer a marriage, it is now a transaction, a business arrangement, a mercenary union. Anybody with this mindset(man or woman) is a liability to the marriage- no capacity to give genuine love- money will always change the dynamics in that marriage A partner submits does not mean the partner is lording over her. It is important that you marry a kind partner and one that you have confidence in his ability to lead and provide direction. For some of us with parents and their friends now in their 70s and above, we witnessed submission of wives, and husbands giving power back to the wives and those wives excelling in their endeavour- even reaching a higher zenith than their husbands(with the support of the husbands ofcourse). Understand that your experience is your experience- not that of everyone else. And Stop trying to use the phrase "lord over her" to justify your idea.
2. Well our own fathers and uncles and brothers did not lose interest in their wives when they became less beautiful. The husbands of our sisters too, (after decades in marriage) have not lost interest in them as they are getting old. Our sisters are submissive and they are progressing with their careers and businesses. Why not take your time, find a man with common sense, instead of assuming majority of men will lose interest in their woman as she ages. Leading you to preparing a wicked aggressive strategy that will only affect your ability to give genuine love and receive same
3. Thank you for the advice on how to raise my daughters to be confident and high level of self-esteem. But while you are raising yours, also ensure you are raising a balanced female with ability to give love and receive same.
I will ask that if heaven forbid you fell into difficult times financially? Will you allow your wife to bear the burden of going out to provide for the family and still come home tired to cook, clean, chase after children and still have sex with you? Or would you help her by relieving her burden a little?
2. Do you think that the men with common sense outnumber the men without, you have male friends. Can you say that not one out of all of them have treated a woman in a way that you wouldn't like your loved ones to be treated? It is unfortunate that women live in a world, in a country where the streets are not safe for her to walk without harassment in broad daylight or night time. You saying that I should look for a man with common sense. What are my odds? How confident are you in your gender? Bad men are rampant in this country because good men like you who claim to be one remain silent but can open their mouth when a woman weaker than them is involved. It is not about finding a man with common sense but with good values and character who will not fail in integrity and make choices that hurt his loved ones because he can do so without consequences. That is the hard part. Such men are rare.
The best way to raise a daughter to receive and give love is for her parents to be in love so that she can know what it looks like and not settle for less than that. How many marriages today can boast of that?
May God help us all. Both men and women. Both genders have hurt, envy, hatred and love towards each other and will keep hurting each other and transferring the hurt to future generations. Hopefully our fate will not be like that of the west.
tunapawizzy: 1. So if the husband suddenly loses his income or have downturn in business, he stops being the head of the household. If illness suddenly prevents him from being the one that brings the bigger income, he stops being the head. And what happens when things pick up again for him, he becomes the head again. Is there anything the female gender cannot make money-dependent. He stops being the head becaue u now make more money than him yet you respect him.
2. I'm not raising my daughter to condition her existence or assumption of responsibility on availability or scarcity of money or resources. If she decides to derail, then it will be her cross to carry. At least me too I deviated from some teachings by elders and when it was time to dance to the music, I carried my cross.
if the woman has to start picking up a previous responsibilities for her man then yes temporarily, she is the de-facto head. She will have to make decisions with the family's best interest in mind while still respecting her husband. But to have him lord over her? Why? She is doing the work of two people to sustain the family, should she now add her husband's whims to her list of worries?
2. The same way men will be very quick to lose interest in a woman who is no longer beautiful, sexually attractive, or becomes barren, or sick? Why can't they take the same medicine they dish out?
3. Raise your daughter how? I hope you know that finances is one of the main reasons marriages scatter. Teach your daughter not to plan her future around a stranger's son because of the hormonal imbalance people call romance. Teach her that should someone mistreat her, she can run to her father for refuge and protection instead of bearing the pain in fear until her next news will be an obituary headline on a newspaper. Teach her that she must plan her future financially for her and her children, if she marries a good man, that is a bonus. That the covenant of life will always be stronger than marriage. That she should learn to set boundaries and not tolerate insidious disrespectful behavior. Las Las, no matter what happens, she will be alright.
Dpsychologist: Same thing i will advise guys too. They should invest in themselves ans leave broke daughters of eve let's see how they gonna thrive.
True!!
Everybody should invest in themselves. Don't leave your destiny for a rich woman to give you handouts only for you to resent her for it once you make it.
JayEdm: I did all the above...was loyal,gave money,advice, everything I had. Would even share money people dashed me with him. I was so open. Helped him apply for jobs,talked to pple on his behalf,prayed for him etc...what did I get after he started seeing small cash (which is still as a result of my effort o). He said and I quote " I never forced you to help me". This life ,never help an ingrate who is also e titled.
Glad you learned. He used you as a placeholder. Hope you dragged him back down to the gutters where you met him.
tunapawizzy: It's no longer enough that you were with him when he was drinking garri, men dun wise up now, when he was drinking garri did u give him peace. Did you contribute to the garri.
Men have totally flipped the script. As a woman you have to come correct now. Young guys are now looking for submissive provider, nobody come this world come labour just because he was created with a penis. Men dun scarce now, so as a woman you now have to bring so so so much to the table and still submit. The basic requirement is not enough anymore, you have to dp so much more. Otherwise just go and freeze your eggs until your simp shows up.
they are looking for submissive provider. May those kind of men aviod me and my loved ones.
Submissive provider kwa! In this economy, where power and influence is blind to gender. If the woman is the provider, then she is head of the household, yes she should respect you, but to submit?
I laugh in Mami wata.
So you expect your daughter, your sister to be a submissive provider for somebody else's son?
Dpsychologist: I saw this tweet by Erigga and it hit deep.
“I was with him when he was drinking garri.” But na you buy the garri? 🤨
Let’s unpack this mindset that’s becoming very common in our generation.
🧠 The “Loyalty” Women Talk About Today is Not Real
Many women love to say they were there when you had nothing. But truth is, a lot of them were just witnesses, not builders.
They didn’t help. They didn’t invest. They didn’t even believe in you—they were just hoping for a return on their emotional “time.”
It’s all about positioning themselves for the future harvest without ever planting seeds.
📌 Presence ≠ Participation
There’s a clear difference between being present and being useful.
Ask yourself:
Did she contribute to your hustle?
Did she support with money, ideas, motivation?
Or did she just sit there… waiting?
Too many women want to claim royalty status for just hanging around during your broke phase.
💭 Real Loyalty is Silent
The girl who actually bought the garri isn’t the one tweeting. She’s the one you remember when you finally blow—because she didn’t make noise, she made impact.
Loyalty is:
Showing up consistently.
Investing (not just emotionally, but tangibly).
Praying, planning, building with you.
But most of what you see now is emotional blackmail masked as support.
⚠️ Men, Stop Rewarding Passive Loyalty
Your success is not community property. If she didn’t grind with you, she shouldn’t reap with you.
Let’s break it down clearly:
If What She Did is to make you feel Encouraged, supported, sacrificed then sje deserves Respect & loyalty If What She Did is Invested in your dream then What She Deserves is Return on value But if she Complained, watched, tolerated you then she deserves Nothing but silence 😐
💬 Final Thoughts
Let this sink in:
🧾 Presence without contribution is just observation. And observers don’t get trophies.
So next time a woman says, “I was with you when you were drinking garri”, calmly ask:
“Did you buy am for me?”
Because sitting on the sideline doesn't make you a teammate.
What do y’all think? Have you experienced this? Drop your thoughts and share with someone who needs this reminder. 🧠🔥
the same men that will still exhibit bad character and poor loyalty to their wives if they eventually make it. Toor!! Loyalty is not the birthright for these men.
I would advise that women invest first in themselves before investing in 'potential' that these broke sons of Adam who haven't finished home training in their fathers' houses, if they had father's at all.
Glimpsetv: A video that has now gone viral has sparked outrage online, as a woman boldly urged ladies—particularly Nigerian women—to attend her webinar on how to "use men."
In the video, the woman emphatically said: “Use them! The message is very simple—use them! That’s what we do here. We use them.”
She went on to share a so-called "testimony" of a single mother who, according to her, joined the class and shortly after received ₦50,000 from a man. In her words: “They sent her ₦50,000—that was the first money she got. And today, she sent me proof of another ₦100,000 sent to her by the same man.”
The woman then encouraged more ladies to join her upcoming webinar, stating it was "specifically and strictly for Nigerian girls." “If you live in the diaspora, your session will be on Friday,” she added. “But on Wednesday, it’s strictly for my Nigerian girls. I need to wake some of you up. Register and join the webinar—you need to learn how to use them.”
She also called out single mothers, especially those making excuses about having three or four children, urging them to take the class as well. “You’ll learn how to use them. You will use them,” she stressed.
However, her statements did not sit well with many Nigerians, who flooded the comment section with strong criticisms and condemnation.
Below are some of the reactions from users on X (formerly known as Twitter).
Watch the video and share your thoughts in the comments.
Greatmec: Sorry, but this is so not true. I am so much sexually attracted to my wife. Even with her low sex drive and no sex techniques all I need is for her to UnCloth and even lie like a log of wood and I would have enough erection to last me up to 30 to 45 minutes a round. She has never been good in initiating anything sexual yet I have always been super attracted to her as I have always loved her. Nothing else but charm (I think) explains the complete impotence once am beside her which started suddenly 8 years ago.
Greatmec: I have been married to my wife for close to 20 years now. My wife is a very faithful woman. But I can describe her as frigid. As sex/romance/love making is her weakest point. Since she scores very high on almost every other indices except intimacy I thought I could manage.
Anyway 8 years ago I traveled outside the country for 2 years and came back as I used to do. But this time around I noticed that I could no longer get an erection when I want to do the do with my wife. Since then I/we have done everything to look for solution, but curiously till now non has been found. If I go in with another lady everything works out very fine. If I even use an artificial V.G everything works fine. But once I near my wife my John Thomas will not stand. If it makes a mistake and stands a little and enters the honey pot then it will ejaculate within 10 to 30 seconds. It is extremely frustrating.
I have tried medical solutions severally. It didn't help. After several studies I have come to the realization that someone must have placed a charm on me or my wife for the sole sake of giving me temporary impotence only when am with my wife. Something like "Tesho" a charm placed on mostly Yoruba girls to prevent them from having intimacy before marriage. Anyone that wants to have intimacy with them will temporarily become impotent. And if such charm is not removed on her that scenario shall continue throughout her lifetime. That is the scary part. Such charm has no expiry date.
As a matter of principle I do not and have never patronized native doctors. So I have restricted my solution finding to Churches/pastors/prophets etc. Unfortunately after 8 year, till date I have found no single solution. Right now I am open to getting the solution wherever I can get it.
The answers I seek are: 1) Who placed this charm 2) Is it placed on me or my wife 3) Most important: How to end this charm
I reside at Aba, Abia state. a) If you know a good church/ministry or man of God that can solve it please inform me. b) Otherwise if you know a herbal home/ native doctor that can only solve it and not make me enter into some other fetish/complicating things please inform me. Please help a brother out of this frustrating situation. Thank you all.
you are no longer sexually attracted to your wife, she was also not sexually attracted to you or might be asexual,simple as ABC.
Kobojunkieee: The kain nonsense people, particularly women, dey endure in the name of marriage, dey always give me the shivers.
Is it true, though, that the woman only has 4 months left to live? Why pursue divorce when she can simply abandon the marriage altogether and go find peace elsewhere before her end? Or is securing a divorce from the man part of her bucket list?
pyelonephritis and lumbar spondylitis won't give you 9 months to live.
Both of them are most likely embellishing the truth with falsehoods. I don't trust either testimony and neither will I take sides. Both husband and wife are fishy.
dkidd: Of what use is the job at the expense of their marriage and happiness. Men sacrifice a lot just to make the family better and nobody hears about it but when it comes to most of U women U find it difficult to sacrifice for the greater good. Did U not read up on him making plans and provisions for alternatives already? What does that tell U? But U only see him being selfish forgetting he's more concerned about "them" and Ur here like most women concerned about urself only. Na God go help some of una
women already sacrifice a lot in marriage. Both parties sacrifice.
Alusiizizi: You are a "Christian", whatever the hell that means? You can't "cheat"? Normally, I don't give response to these sort of cry-baby marriage issues but I make an exception here, especially in such a case where the man is involved in self-deceit.
First of all, there is not a single married woman on earth, not especially a Nigerian woman that will pass up a comfortable life where a supposedly well-to-do husband will set up a business for her and take care of her needs for some drudgy 4:30am to 5:30pm dead-end job that includes 3 Saturdays per month and has her returning home exhausted every single day of the year, so I can come to only two conclusions: Either you're telling us a fake story or your wife is on with another man at her job and hence willing to go through all that trouble. Stop deceiving yourself and investigate a bit further.
I am a nigerian woman and I will rather run the drudgy job than take the business especially if it is not on a scale big enough to satisfy me. I love my job.
Berankis: My response to you is that - Marriage is not always what you think it is or what you expect it to be. The secret to keeping a marriage together is adjustment. You have to be flexible, tolerant and persevering, but the good news is that, no situation stays the same forever. Things will keep getting better. All those hot sex, staying together (just the 2 of you). You can as well kiss it good bye . Even if she resigns and runs a shop, she will still not have the time like the pre-marital period. Some things have changed and you guys will just have to adjust accordingly and keep it together. Good luck!
He should pay her if he wants her to stay at home that badly.
gabicon: Be careful how you handle this matter, women too require a job to give them fulfillment or a sense that they matter in life. So your wife has to balance a triangle in her life, which are her job, her children and her husband. Unfortunately, you the husband are getting the shortest end of the triangle.
What you both need is a reconnection, by the way it can be an hormonal issue or a health challenge, but you guys have to have an honest conversation without you nagging of lack of attention. On of these Fridays just buy ice cream put it in the freezer and tell her you have date night, get the kids to bed early and you guys sit and have ice cream and talk, ask her what her challenges are and how you can help make the burden lighter, express your need for sex and how it's important to your wellbeing, ask if you can come up with a system that can be mutually beneficial to both of you.
apprentist: Hello Guys, let me first of all say the cliché "It is well".
Now let we start. I met my wife years back just before the COVID-19 year during which we dated for almost a year and then eventually got married just when the lock down was reducing. I started this story this way because I wanted to emphasis that during that period, we had so much time to bond and she was mostly available to me as she only worked on shifts 2 to 3 days per week. We could sit and talk for long, go out at late nights and have great s*x as frequently as we needed.
This I think gave me a mirage of an anticipated marriage life so I didn't hesitate to take it a step further ones the lockdown was relaxed. I also made it clear to her that her job would have to give way when their kids start coming as I had plans to assist her further her edu and also put up a biz for her.
Speed up to after COVID-19, she resumed work which till this day demands 5 days a week and 2 to 3 Saturdays per month all from 7:45am till 5pm. Often times she'd return home tired and would manage to make dinner and off to bed till the next day circle continues. It became worse when we started having children. I drive them to school as early as 7:40am before dropping her off at her job. And then I'll pick them up by 5:30pm or 6pm when she's done with her job for the day (let me mention that this extends to public holidays and school holidays or breaks).
I got tired and in December 2025 I told her she has to quit the job. My plan was to enroll her back into a private school after my kids are Upto 4 years as one of them still depends on breast milk. I also gave her the option of starting a business which I understand is a dynamic move and might not be successful, but at this stage of my life it's something I could afford to risk and so I didn't mind.
I must also mention that out of a 100% sex, 50% is not mutual as I could sense she isn't interested and 40% is a denial as she would rather deny me of s*x with the excuse that she is tired.
Simply put, I'm tired. I'm a Christian and divorce isn't an option. Also I can't cheat, but I am starved of s*x and my kids are not given the attention they deserve. Pls advice me
the problem here is money.
Give her a better offer/contract than her present job and she will quit. Simple as ABC.
Is she the breadwinner?
For example,If she earns 300k from her current job, then offer her 500k monthly salary with the same working hours as her current job and other better incentives,for her to stay at home, clean the house, give you sex and look after the children. look a with option of promotion after 1 year and above based on her work performance.
The reason she's at her current job is that there's no better alternative. Not everybody is built for the stay at home wife life. Why must she be the one to sacrifice for the marriage. If you want her at home that badly, then pay her to stay.
iamL: You mean the ones they produce in those warehouses in lagos or Onitsha?
no!!
The ones made by nigerian bottling company.
American soft drinks have a chemically taste i just couldn't get past, until I researched and found out that they don't use sugar to make their sodas, but high fructose corn syrup.
Hopss: Read about a case some few years back, a man bought coca-cola in quantities and shipped abroad, thinking of the profit he's going to make, when the consignment got to the designated country, it was shipped back to Nigeria , declaring it unfit for human consumption. so the man sued coca-cola bottling company. The following conversation took place Prosecutor:Why did you produce a substandard product for me to export, there by making me to lose my resources. Defendant:we never knew you wanted to export it, the drinks we produce in Nigeria is made for Nigerian market and not for export. So you see, the coca-cola might look same but not the same quality. Mind you this really happened in Nigeria, it's no fiction .
I don't know about Canada, but nigeria's coca-cola is way better than the one made in United States.
Aniahbaby: You entered the kitchen, full of inspiration and ready to prepare something delicious. You had chopped the onions and mixed the peppers; your pot was hot, and the aroma of the scorching first few components was already supplying you with existence. Then you reached for the salt… Nothing.
You shake the empty can, but not a drop. You open the cupboard—maybe there’s a backup? Nope. Empty. You try to stay calm. “ Okay, no problem; let me add Maggi…”
At this point, your heartbeat is a little faster as you rush to check for groundnut oil. It’s gone. Frustration and exhaustion set in. You then decide to order some meals.
And tomorrow? Oh, tomorrow we’re making that grocery list. We’re restocking. We’re filling every shelf. But let’s be honest...what’s that one ingredient you always forget to restock until it’s too late?
PressMyButton: If you're dull, you're dull and if you're good, you're good. Check the type of students behind notorious activities, they're most likely dull students. This girl is not only super dull but also ill- mannered and lacks home training. Rather than pay more attention on how she could improve her life, she was more dedicated to chasing clout on social media. Personally, I don't have pity on dull and ill-trained kids. By the time she rewrites the final papers atleast two more times, she will learn to focus more on the important aspect of her life. Even our billionaire neighbors were happily singing " na our papa be this " when Mr President visited Anambra, how much more a bunch of little girls still relying on their parents pocket money or being fed by some sugar daddies. These are people changing names from Obidients to Rat-tels or whatever they call themselves. They are so dull and have nothing upstairs, the only thing they contribute to the society is nuisance value. 2 down, one to go.. if you know you know. Parents, train your kids, if you don't, they will collect it from outside.
After God, na Tinubu 💪 God bless Nigeria
it nursing, a degree run by vindictive women. There's a 50:50 chance that the lecturers failed her on purpose.
This is indeed a very sad experience and I can only imagine how you feel.
Please don't over-flog yourself. Medical Quackery is something we are yet to address in Nigeria.
Now back to the issue at hand. We will look at it from two sides:
1. If you are financially stable and really want to have healthy children with your wife in the future, then you must sign-up for preimplantation genetic diagnosis (PGD) whenever you want a child. Do not have much children because this process isn't cheap. So maybe 2 children.
2. If you are not financially stable but you want children, then father from outside and bring it home. Also make sure your wife truly understands the situation at hand and agrees to your plan.
DO NOT DIVORCE YOUR WIFE OR MAKE HER PAY FOR WHAT SHE KNOWS NOTHING ABOUT. DO NOT TAKE A SECOND WIFE.
As for your son, love him. Just love him. Love will keep him with you for long. But please, do not act in faith and impregnate the mother again or without proper medical counselling and PGD.
I wish you all the best and may Allah help you and your family in this tough time.
sickle cell now has a cure, but it is very expensive. If you can afford it, pls fly him abroad for a bone marrow transplant procedure in a few months - years.
elobrave17: I always sweat and most times notice my skin is always oily. I once used a nivea men cream years back that help dry the oil and sweat but no longer see that particular type lately. Most other cream I have used always cause me to sweat and I see more oil on my fave after using them. I need something that can keep my skin dry. Please I am dark/a bit chocolate in complexion. I don't want anything that will bleach my skin.
Kindly suggest for me.
As an oily skin person in lagos humid weather, use an oil on your skin immediately after bathing (dont dry skin too much with towel) instead of a cream or lotion. You'll sweat less on your body, then apply sunscreen on top of the oil on skin areas not covered by clothing.
Thank me later. I use baobab oil steeped in herbs.
uvie66: .....I personally think the Doctors are just plain greedy, in a country where the minimum wage is 70k, you are started on 350-400k a month during training, I think it is reasonable. 300k a month equates to 3.6m a year. As a young you can get a reasonable apartment for 1 to 1.5 million and still have about 2m to play with.
it about pay in respect to the time and dedication they spend to work. Healthcare staff work more than 9-5, most hospitals work round the clock.
DrAda: The brain drain has led to doctors literally putting their lives and families in the line with zero support system
True.
As a young doctor, one major thing that will shackle you to practice in this country is marriage in nigeria. So many would choose to rather not marry, marry someone with definite jakpa plans, or jakpa and wait to marry
shortgun: Doctors are overpaid if you ask me. There's no logical explanation why Doctors should earn more than Engineers. After all, seeing a doctor doesn't guarantee one will survive an illness or die.
what about working 24-36hr calls?
Do your engineers do that?
Just pray not to be sick and end up in the hands of a frustrated doctor.
Obavoh: Since Bandits attacked my village last year, we had to abandon the 2 bedroom home that I built.
We have moved into the main town and I managed to rent a small but spacious room for my growing family.
The problem is that me, my wife and children all sleep in the same room now. This has affected the Romance between my wife and I.
The older children sleep on the floor and our last 2 babies sleep on the same bed with us. We demarcated the bed with a small curtain for privacy.
I have to make sure the children are asleep before I can touch my wife but I always feel the older children are light sleepers. Since we moved here I have not been successful in showing love to my wife.
Out of frustration, my wife and I started bathing together around 5a.m in the morning but the landlord warned me seriously and said such a thing is forbidden in his Gida so we stopped.
I work Monday to Sunday during the day so I only have night time to spend with my wife. I am losing my happiness.
please let your wife be on family planning. 7 kids is enough in today's economy
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. Even if she resigns and runs a shop, she will still not have the time like the pre-marital period. Some things have changed and you guys will just have to adjust accordingly and keep it together.