₦airaland Forum

2cribz:
Funny enuf,he fit no chop beating. He go do 2000 pressure,pick pin,head balance,singing,2k frog jump,9hr squat,the list endless
Clear 8 acre of land

Nobody has time to monitor him. They will beat him to an inch of his life and set him free afterward. The highest is they’ll keep him for a week-long torture session, then set him free.

I will never understand why people enjoy testing their limits. He will find out what he sought. I doubt he’ll try it again.

Agbaka1997:
I feel it's also a tribute to Sarah Baartman.... Her story is interesting.

Sarah had a protruding belly. The costume didn’t have that.

They’re both has-beens. The difference is Ozo has had a blossoming career post BBN.

You can also buy as much data possible to avoid inconvenience.

1. Today is April 1. I will find it difficult to take you serious.

2. You should’ve paid for real world classes. I’m having the same problem. Nigerians associate learning with being in a class. When given the option to learn on our own, we find it challenging.

3. The course would’ve been cheaper in Nigeria. You should’ve found options here. At worst, you pay 250K to learn it here, in a classroom. You pass for the course then get the Nigerian or maybe international certificate. Some months down the line, you pay 500K for the proper course then ace it because it would be a revision of what you learned earlier.

SuperOnyi:





Thank you ChatGPT.

Thank you for reminding me that AI can summarize texts.

Yeah, right. Motigbetional speaking.

This man made an otherwise mundane routine a hassle for himself. This is not news.

He’s effeminate and it’s a class of two people. There is no surprise here. Women gravitate to effeminate men for friendships. It’s not like effeminate men die in their twenties, many live far into old age.

Glimpsetv:
Summary :

A Black American woman’s funny reaction to a male stylist washing her hair has gone viral. Her over-the-top screams left the salon entertained, sparking mixed reactions online.

Some say it’s a natural response, while others believe she was just having fun. Watch and share your thoughts!

Keep doing these summaries. They help weed out non-intellectual commenters and serve as an example for other bloggers.

So he can act against crime? Who knew? Our leaders deserve more misfortune if it’ll jolt them to action.

Why is this hag in the news?! Almost three months now.

You children are weird in this forum. Fitness has no defined rules. For people who consume soccer a lot, I’m surprised no one asks how to look like Neymar. Patronize soccer fields in your locality and exercise frequently. You don’t need any more than that.

He said, she said. The man is dead and gone. Leave stories for the living.

The mongrels posting comments did not read the article.

Nowadays, I run write-ups through a word counter. If you could not make your points in five hundred words, you lost me as a reader. Life is too short to spend forty minutes reading a single report. I can spend that time on six concise ones.

[UPDATE] AI summarized the write-up in five hundred words or under. Goes to show densely written articles are the better option. There was nothing new mentioned. It was just the normal ideas which everyone already knew.

So, he tweets when high off coke. All white men do it. Nothing to see here.

It could be worse. She could've been an Osu.

Timytetobbs:
Fiction or Not!…You’re a good writer!

No, he isn't. One needs less words to capture an audience's attention. I read a few paragraphs then zoned out.

I don't believe this is Nigeria. Most of these videos are later found to be events from other African countries from up to ten years ago. It's why I hate low resolution videos because situations which happened in the early 2000s can be falsely claimed to be recent.

PrinceofAgoAre:
Right ..


. Goodluck...

Bimpe is a tease. She's afraid of BBC.

Glimpsetv:
Summary:

Bayo Salami, a Nigerian businessman based in South Africa, returned home after 23 years to claim his property. Instead, his family took him to an Islamic cleric, where he was locked up and labeled mad.

Held against his will for 17 days, he later learned they did this simply because he smoked cigarettes.

This is a good initiative. Hopefully, mongrels won't have any excuse for typing without reading details.

Some families are extremely strict. This is a good example of pointless authority. Maybe he smoked marijuana, hence they foresaw a Fela situation coming his way. From the write-up, it seems he's doing good for himself. He should return to his hustle.

One thousand plus words. If you don't drop a TLDR summation, I'll move to better things. I'm not paid for my time here.

Jacktheripper:
I wouldn’t have called my late father’s number if I had known what was waiting for me on the other end. But as they say, curiosity killed the cat.

A Little Backstory...My dad died in 2020, just before the COVID-19 wave hit the world. But his was not a pandemic-related death, it was a car accident. One moment, he was coming back from work; the next, he was gone. We buried him less than a week later, and that was it. Life moved on… well, at least for everyone else.

For us, his wife and four children, were left to figure out how to exist in a world that no longer had him in it. But apart from the usual grief and occasional cries in the bathroom, nothing out of the ordinary happened.

One fateful day, I was scrolling through Twitter when I saw a tweet that MTN recycles old numbers and gives them to new users. The replies were filled with people confirming this horror.

My curiosity woke up from its long nap and stretched dramatically.

Wait a minute, what about my dad’s number? Nobody had touched his SIM since he died, and it wasn’t linked to any bank account, so I figured it must have been reassigned by now.

So, naturally, I did what any reasonable person would do. I dialed the number.

And, not to my surprise, it rang.

I chuckled. "MTN, well done. Anyway, let me wait for the person to pick up so I can tell them it was a wrong number before they start hunting me down trying to figure out who called."

But then they picked up. And the voice that said, "Hello" was... familiar. Too familiar.

It was my father’s voice.

I ended the call so fast, I nearly flung my phone across the room.

At this point, my whole body was vibrating like an overused tiger generator. But I’m a rational person (or so I told myself), so I turned to Google for answers. That was when I stumbled upon something called auditory pareidolia, basically, when your brain tricks you into hearing familiar voices in random sounds. That made sense.

So, I called the number again to prove to myself that I was just "pareidolia-ing" (yes, I just made that a word).

I called the number again.

This time, it was unreachable.

I tried the next day. Unreachable.

I tried for weeks. Still unreachable.

I even took things further, checked WhatsApp, Truecaller, every caller ID app I could find. Nothing. It was as if the number didn’t exist.

I didn’t tell anyone, because let’s be real, imagine explaining to your family that you think Dad’s ghost might have answered a phone call. I have been called weird enough, I don't want to add to it.

But then, around two months later, the knocking started.

At first, it was small. A knock here, a knock there. We assumed it was one of the neighborhood kids playing a prank (Even though that explanation makes no sense, as our neighbor doesn't have kids, and our house is fenced).

But soon, the knocks became frequent.

Morning. Afternoon. Evening. midnight.

It got to a point where nobody in the house could sleep properly.

The worst part is that whenever we opened the door, we saw nothing. No sound of footsteps running away, no neighbor pretending they weren’t involved. Just silence.

It became so frequent we had to call for intervention. CCTV cameras were installed. Nothing. We called in the uncles, the cousins, even the nosy neighbors, everybody investigated, nobody found anything.

It was when the knocks started happening inside the house that we knew it was time to carry our bags and go.

We called in spiritual reinforcements. The prayer warriors came with their holy water, anointing oil, and enough incense to suffocate a mosquito. They sprinkled, they prayed, they chanted, they burned things.

Finally, they said, “It is done. You can move back in.”

And because it was our only house, we had no choice but to believe them.

Thankfully, the knocking stopped.

But my curiosity didn't stop.

I didn’t think too much about any connection between a random phone call and the mysterious knocking on our door. After all, strange things happen every day.

So, I kept trying the number.

One fateful evening, the line rang again.

I had my script ready. The moment they picked, I would say, “Please, is this Mr. Felix?” (my dad’s name). If they said no, I’d apologize and move on. If they said yes…well, God abeg.

The person picked up. And before I could speak, I heard:

"Stop calling this number."

Not in English. Not in a strange voice. In my father’s exact tone and our local language.

Ah. Who sent me message?

I tried calling back immediately. Unreachable.

At this point, my brain was screaming “Let it go!”, but curiosity had already replaced my common sense.

That night, at around 2:12 AM, we heard sweeping in the compound.

First of all, who sweeps at that hour?

I turned to my mother. She turned to me. The unspoken agreement was clear: We must confirm what is going on.

We stepped outside. Nothing.

No person. No broom. No sound of footsteps. But the sweeping was loud and clear.

For months, this unseen housekeeper continued. Sweeping the compound. Sweeping the passage inside the house. And yet, somehow, the place never got cleaner, everything was the same except the sound of sweeping.

At this point, enough was enough.

We reached for the leftover incense from the first time. If it worked before, it must work again.

Despite all the warnings from the universe, I still wanted to know who was behind the voice.

So I still kept trying to reach the person, and finally, on November 21, 2024, the line rang again.

I opened my mouth to speak, but my tongue refused to move.

I tried again. Nothing.

The only thing I heard from the other end was “Bye.” In my dad’s voice.

The call ended.

From that day till now, my tongue has remained twisted. I have not been able to speak a single word.

I wrote everything down for my mother. We went to the MTN office, provided every document they asked for, hoping to track the person who answered the calls.

Their response was cold: “There has been no activity on this line since 2020.”

We have seen every doctor possible. Nothing. Nobody can explain why I cannot speak.

Our last hope is an appointment with a top doctor in India this August. Until then, all I can do is wait.

And most importantly, maybe never, ever call a dead man’s number again.

She's enjoying her engagement. It's like the person enjoying his/her first relationship. Youthful exuberance dey worry am.

Nothing new. Most rappers say the same after visiting. They are from the hood so their first instruction is "I want to see the hood life this place offers." It stuns them when they see that this place is only a level better than medieval living. It humbles them. The statement doesn't come from a bad place. He wants Americans to appreciate what they were given. If those in Nigerian slums don't commit suicide out of frustration, there is no reason why someone in the hood who has clean drinking water should do so. That last statement looks like it was typed by a Nigerian.

See bored children online ranting and raving. Na their work. Flesh bots.

Nigerian journalists will never get it right. Title says goat meat, article shows sheep. In this Tik Tok generation, they believe people will read up to eight hundred words. They’ll go the way of NTA.

Moniya4Real:
Story.so,because you like bones now, we should be eating bones with you. Keep enjoying your bone in peace bro.
You have been brainwashed by western standard on how a woman should look. It's definitely not okay to be too far or too skinny. But jokes apart bro,Try googling up the beauty contestants of the 70s and 80s and revert if you are willing to.

Knowing the population of Sango Ota mongrels in this forum, someone will surely report me for posting pornography. Take it easy with soap.

https://d2c0db5b8fb27c1c9887-9b32efc83a6b298bb22e7a1df0837426.ssl.cf2.rackcdn.com/22381885-dl-1341x1679.jpeg

PrinceofAgoAre:
How do you feel so comfortable saying that.



You look like you could fvck an ogre...

Dey there. Bimpe knows all the positions I want to put her in.

Moniya4Real:
Fat? You really need your head examined. You are calling an ideal African woman fat , with this beautiful body of hers?. But if it's a yanshless, breathless and bony woman now- You would have liked her that way. Continue....

…and this is why Yoruba women compete with hippos like size is a beneficial trait. Anytime I see an obese woman acting brand new, I always know a Yoruba man is behind it.

Wordsfrombimpe:
Happy Sunday 🥰
Happy Mother’s Day To Me 🥰 - I will be a Great Wife & Mother 🥰

This one na advertisement? Which one is “I will be…” Come so I’ll impregnate you. Easier said than done.