₦airaland Forum

pawsofdikeje:
I am trying to get a new ride and I would like to have a jeep due to my residential terrain.

I have been thinking of a Ford Edge but upon inquirying from a trusted mechanic and rewire, I was advised to run away from the car. Although, they couldn't give a specific reason.

Has anyone used this car and whats your advise for a first time Ford user.

dipset01:
I honestly feel very frustrated and just need to get this off my chest. I now understand what people mean when they say, “Don’t marry the wrong spouse.” Brethren, I think I may have gotten this one wrong.

My wife and I have been married for seven years. I was 28 when we got married, and she was 22. In the beginning, things were fine, but along the line, the marriage became increasingly challenging. From early on, intimacy was an issue. She often refused sex, saying she was tired. To reduce tension, I limited my request to once a week — usually Saturday mornings — even though I would have liked more.
She also didn’t cook regularly. I complained several times, especially since I covered about 95% of food and household expenses. Eventually, I got tired of complaining. When we moved to lagos from portharcourt, She once told me she didn’t feel loved and wanted me to do more house chores and take her out more. I tried to adjust — suggested she hired a maid, helped around the house, and made an effort to take her out when possible. Lagos life can be very busy, but I did what I could. Every year for the past four years, I made sure we lodged in a 4- or 5-star hotel for a few days as a couple. She went on vacation to dubai 2 years ago. But she often said I was doing it “for the family (children), not for her.” That she wants her own treatment.


At one point, after a serious conflict, I took her to her father’s house and told him that we didn’t love each other anymore. During the mediation, she played the victim at first, crying. But when her father tried to correct her, she suddenly became defensive and started yelling — even at him. Her father was shocked and had to calm the situation. He later told us something that stuck with me: “You two talk, but you don’t communicate.” Since then, I’ve tried to improve our communication, but it feels like my wife has given up on the marriage.

In the past year, things have gotten worse. Any small thing I say seems to anger her. She interprets normal conversations as arguments and shuts down. I have become conscious of it and tell her not to raise her voice and try to match her voice tone. She’s not open to resolving conflicts. I honestly believe she no longer loves me — she resents me. She gets angry easily, often over nothing. We barely talk deeply anymore. Most of our conversations are shallow. I try to initiate discussions, but she’s either uninterested, on her phone, or just cold.

She no longer sleeps in the same bed with me, claiming back and neck pain. I’ve offered to buy a new mattress or switch beds, but she’s not interested. As a result, our sex life has deteriorated — we’re down to about once in three weeks, and even that comes with tension. Even to approach her now comes with alot of hesitation and fear of rejection. Recently, when I tried to be intimate, she got angry, accused me of hurting her breast, even though she was the one preventing me, she then walked away. That led to another quarrel. It’s extremely frustrating to feel rejected repeatedly, especially after weeks of restraint.

Even minor things turn into big arguments. For example, I once told her not to pour water into the griller after cooking because it could cause rust. Her reaction was explosive — she shouted that she’d never wash the oven again and that I should do it myself, going forward. I felt asked was she was yelling. I tried to calmly explain, but she kept escalating, I must wash it, if she cooks the food, i must wash the burner. It dawned on me that she no longer sees or appreciates what I do in the house. Despite being the main provider, I still handle more than 50% of household chores — I wash dishes, vacuum, clean toilets, take the boys to school, iron everyone cloth etc. She mainly cooks, bathes the kids, and does laundry. I told her I do as much chores and she is in no position to dictate to me, no big deal in washing the burner but she needs to be polite. And she should not take me doing chores for granted, I am just supporting her. We both work from home so there is no stress of commuting to work etc

She acts like she’s disgusted by me. She avoids sitting near me, doesn’t want me to touch her, and even turns her face away when I try to kiss her. If she is sitting on a chair, if i come sit on that chair she will use style and go to the room. It is either my mouth smells or my tummy is big. I am relative fit, not a 6 packs man o. I go just swallow these things. Nothing wrong in feedback, but the way and manner she gives it is not fine. Never ever body shamed her. One day she told me, sabi I was almost calling of the marriage while we were engaged, why did I marry her? I was shocked. It was something I didnt remember doing. It just shocks me to know how unforgiving a woman can be, and what goes through their mind.

When I try to talk things through, she ignores me or gives cold replies. I’ve even sent messages on WhatsApp just to get through to her — she either ignores them or replies with things like, “You win.” We don’t walk together anymore — she either walks ahead or rushes off.

One day I even begged her to forgive and forget whatever I might have done, even if I didn’t know what it was. But things only seem to get worse. We relocated to the UK last year, and I thank God I have a good job that helps me support the home. Honestly, I feel that’s the only reason she’s still around. My spirit tells me that if I ever lose this job, I might lose my home too. Or she is just waiting for the kids to be of age.

I’ve tried to make things better — bought her gifts (including a Samsung S24 for her birthday), taken her and the kids to the cinema, arcade, amusement park, and more. She enjoys these things, but there’s no real change. Even told her to tell me what she wants. The only area I think I need to still work on is the pray more with the family. She says she wants me to pray more with her and the children. I admit it an area I need to work on.

No one is perfect, neither am I or expecting my wife to be. I know I’m a good husband and a great father, But it feels like she’s emotionally checked out. Divorce is never in my mind because I come from a Christian home, and I care deeply about my kids and even her. I still believe any marriage can work if both partners are willing to try. But right now, I’m just tired. It’s painful when you want to communicate, but the other person refuses. She’s grown cold, distant, and resentful. When she cooks, I can see the resentment in her eyes, she is not happy doing it. It is like she went into the marriage with certain expectation and it doesnt look like I am meeting them. I have tried to ask, what can i do, teach me to love you. Tell me what you wants, for where? she will just lock up.

She has good qualities — she’s spiritual, beautiful, ambitious, serious-minded, she takes good care of the kids, she has introduced my children to God and prays with them. But emotionally, it feels like she’s no longer in the marriage. I’m just frustrated and honestly don’t know what else to do. I’m not perfect, but I’ve been faithful, responsible, and patient.

At this point, I just needed to vent. Maybe someone out there has gone through something similar and found a way forward.

Kobojunkie:
This here is all in a bid to remain in denial of reality ooo!

illicit:
I don't think he died of that wound...

Newlymarried:
https://www.facebook.com/share/p/15c2nqrwbW/

WilsonBright935:
Hello everyone,

What steps do I need to take to know the size of my fiancée's finger size without letting her get involved (I'm planning a surprise proposal on her birthday).


N/B: she lives in outside my state
All contributions are welcome.

pocohantas:
For the past one week, they want to kill us with electricity. We used to have up to 15hours a day, but it is approx 24 hours now.

It feels like they just take it make the transformer cool small and it is back again.

Is this general?
I mean, NATIONWIDE?

I forgot to add that our tariff was quietly increased last month. If they increase it again by July, na die be that.

Bobloco:
https://dailypost.ng/2023/06/04/your-govt-is-temporary-ill-reclaim-my-mandate-atiku-tells-tinubu/

DaisyMellow:
Hi guys. I usually don't bring relationship issues to Nairaland, but this one is very serious as it concerns the man I am engaged to and scheduled to marry before the end of the year.

I have known him for a year and few months and we are in love. When we started having sex, it was all vanilla and although he was a bit rough; as in throwing me around and putting me in different positions, I was okay with it, and honestly, it was kinda exciting because some of those styles were new to me

However recently things have gotten really weird whenever we are having sex. He requests me to do certain stuff that honestly creeps me out. Sometimes he would tie my hands behind my back so tight and stuff the pillowcase in my mouth, then have his way with me. Sometimes he would blindfold me with my scarf and ask me to beg him to free me, while choking me with his two hands. There was even a time he got a knife and pretended to want to stab me and asked me to play along and act scared. Sometimes he would ask me to forge tears so he would watch me cry while we had sex.

It's gotten real bad that a week ago, I almost passed out when he was doing one of his weird choking sex-plays. In the past I have talked to him about how I didn't enjoy some of these things and how we should do it sparingly or not at all. He sounded like he understood, but after a few weeks he seemed bored and uninterested in normal sex, and begged me to go back to the rough stuff because that's the only thing he likes.

I know he loves me because he takes good care of me and is even friendly with my parents and siblings. But this extreme sex thing is really making me uncomfortable.

I can't imagine going through this sort of sex every day when we eventually get married and live under the same roof.

I need serious advice on the next steps to take.

Aonkuuse:
Source: https://freshreporters.com/bsu-300-level-student-odufu-regina-dies-mysteriously-after-receiving-whatsapp-video-call/

Letsmeet:
Please everyone, what's your opinion on this?
Is it wise to date a young lady from a divorced home?
If She is very nice, quiet, respectful, the most understanding person in the world, doesn't even quarrel. Has a good job and many other good qualities.
But if her parents are divorced, and live in the same area, and she lives with both of them.
What is the likelihood of her divorcing in future? Anyone with similar experiences please?

siofra:
So, I told my parents I don't want to get married. I do not recommend telling your Nigerian parents you don't want to get married😹

My mom put her hand on her head and looked at me with pity lol. She said I don't have a goal in life, she said I'm empty.

My father was even more dramatic. He started praying o. He told me to kneel down and starting casting and binding all the evil spirits and his village people.

Ngl, it was hilarious. It's not like I don't want to get married though, I just wanted to see their reactions.

But why can't parents accept that not everyone wants to follow the way they did things? That I don't want a husband doesn't mean something is wrong with me and I won't be lonely because I plan on having 29 cats, a dozen goats and scores of chickens.

Tunechi5:
with dangote refinery been commissioned which means importation of petrol would stop, i'm asking is there a chance for petrol to become cheaper and also would the incoming government still be paying subsidy?

Minime10:
Pls my budget is between 2million to 2.5milion.
I have never own a car before now, as such I'm so scared of making a mistake in buying what will not serves me optimally.
I don't have any particular brand in mind, but a car that will not trouble me as a first timer is what I want and a car that will be easy for me to maintain will do.
Again, I will want to know what is normally refers to as "Toks standard" in cars?
What is the difference between a V6 car engine and car that has 4 plugs?
Thanks in anticipation for your enlightenment. 🙏🙏🙏🙏

concho:
Please help me brothers
My Toyota Highlander 2003 goes off after a refill .

Each time I finish buying fuel and turn on my ignition, it goes off once I try driving out of the filling station .

It happens almost immediately I turn on my AC

What could be the problem brothers ??

akaleb2015:
what mode of power does it use apart from nepa

CosmicDust:
Here is my story....
I have a 3 siblings and I am at odds with my eldest who is a lady. The way it is, I may never have a conversation with her again.
She was the first person to be invested in by my parents after which I came. Luckily enough, she was able to strike gold in her career and do well for herself. She went abroad for her masters with my parents supporting with half-payment. Unfortunately, whenever it came to family demands and helping the other younger siblings, she has either been negligent or grudgingly does so. Few years after going abroad, she decided to lockup and sends only 40k home which is supposed to cater for food for a month.
Now parents are retired, the whole family weight falls on my following sibling and I. The youngest one education is on me. Happy she will finish soon. Parents need to be supported in challenging times, one is coping with diabetes and the other is with some challenging issues I can't say here. Their savings are being sapped by their needs to keep living on. But my so-called elder sister based in Canada despite knowing their condition is silent. She still sends her peanuts, while I and my younger brother who is an upcoming fashion designer do 2X what she does. This aches our parents and sometimes makes our mother cry and our father rant with regret.
A time now came, our mum got admitted in the hospital. Condition was so salient that she had to be hospitalized for weeks. Hospital bill was 450k. The Canada-based first born doing a good job, who was always talking to her, praying with her on phone, etc only sent 100k. We the others did the rest. Glad mum is back at home but her heart is broken and has refused to talk with her. She's been in Canada for 5 years and has refused to even support any of her siblings to come abroad too.
My other siblings say because we all refuse to be dictated to by her is the reason for her behaviour. I don't care. Mine is that if you know that you are going to be useless to a family, let your parents know before hand so the money used in training/feeding you can be used for farming business which will despite bad weather bring returns than on a child who feels is not obligated to support the parents who supported you all through.

ozalogbo:
I am the first child of my mother, and I have two younger male siblings. I am doing well financially. My wife is the last of four children in her family. My dad died when I was still in the university, and this affected my mum.

However, as she aged, her health waned. She was a retired teacher. My brothers are not in the country. Both of them are in Europe. I wanted to have my mother stay with me in her later years because of her health and loneliness but my wife did not want it.

Whenever she was ill and I brought her home to be with us, my wife was usually hostile, especially if my mum had stayed beyond a week. She did not hid her disapproval, and this caused problems in the marriage. People advised that I should send my mum away and pay someone to live with her and take care of her. They said that marriage was between a man and his wife, not between a man, his wife, and his mother. I did and peace returned. Eventually my mum passed on after a few years.

Along the line, my father in law also died. And down the line, my mother in law's health began to deteriorate. We live in the same town. Among my wife's siblings she is the only one doing quite well. Now there are suggestions that the mother should come and live with us so that my wife can give her proper care. I believe that her living with us and seeing her grandchildren will help her. And indeed i have no problem accepting her, but when i remember the treatment my wife gave to my mum, there is a strong revulsion, in fact, anger in me. I shared with a friend, and he advised i forgive my wife, but the revulsion is so strong that i would feel cheated if i agreed.

What do you guys think. She reminded me then that marriage was between a man and his wife only. Shouldn't this also apply to my wife now?