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ElSherriff's Posts

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Education / Re: Harvey And Irma: This Is How Hurricanes Get Their Names by ElSherriff: 3:35pm On Sep 14, 2017
Now this is very educative. Please give the poster one Odeku for me

16 Likes

Literature / Ex-convicts??? by ElSherriff: 3:32pm On Sep 14, 2017
This is a complete fiction, no name or character is real, only used to depict a story and no offence is intended.
If this makes front page, then I'd post the second part, if not...Enjoy this alone.

It’s been a long time. Long enough to recollect this episode of growing up in the streets of Ekpoma and learning the ropes that lead down south.
During the long Strikes imposed on AAU students in 2007, by the State Government, my goons and I rallied round to kill boredom. We had played all street football and lost money playing against Emiala Street. This had to stop fast. Plus, in 400L, you wouldn’t really fancy moving around trying to kick a ball and then lost money. Because when I played in the team, well, we always lost.

So, I brought up the idea of playing Whot. Yes Whot. It was a simple idea to keep boys indoors. Yet the boys took it with two hands and made a cartel off it. It was in keeping with the spirit of monetizing everything on the streets, and simple whot playing got into the 'agbo'. It was Tobo's idea sha, to start staking N50 on every round so that the boys will be serious. And within a week we knew all the slurs that the new cartel had to offer.

It's not everywhere my luck shines really. Having been a Chache cartel owner for a while with relative success, I mostly found money to stake on the board. And as soon as I took to the game, I realised the skill set required were in the region of those for a senior Chac[i][/i]he office owner. Some cards didn’t just pop. The days I made any money at the table, it seemed to be transport fare the next day. And because I knew when to fold 'em...or so I believed, I fared better than most on the job.

By the third week, something had to change for me. I had some money than most of the floor guys so I could be a side lender, adding corner betting to my plate. So, I’d be guaranteed my money, fun while the guys sweated for me. My rates were fair, really. I could get a 20% on N500 and 30% on N1000. My 'cola' was your Nokia torchlight battery for N500 and your phone for N1500. Payment was by the end of the week, otherwise phone was up for sale. Sometimes the owner even got to buy it from me. It wasn’t straightforward always though, because other complexities could arise from my corner betting. If I bet on you to win on the side and you lost, I knocked off a 50 from your debt and when you win, I could either increase your loan, or take it straight from the floor. It required mathematics.

Cartel would open at about 9.00am when the kids had been dropped off in school, and close at 4pm or 5pm depending on when I got up to go pick them. Usually, we 'washed' faces at Mama Salome's place and started with three guys per table. You tendered all you brought to the floor so we knew if you were worth registering, or in need of a loan. My new angle to the floor paid better; I had several Nokia phones, several pam slippers and watches and money. And it was good.

But street thing is not a closed thing. It draws interest. Usually, the more the boys, the more the money and who really wants to filter out guys like Okito who sold cement? or Bobby who was still active in the e-street? these guys brought more dough and always increased the stakes. Some days, staking got as high as N200 per hand and at this rate, N5,000 was easily blown. Again, the more the people, the more the noise and then the side businesses. Mama Salome had competition for binge and for kus[i][/i]h already. For all the refinement of my goons and I, binge and B&H always found a way with the cartels in Ekpoma so we flowed with the tide.

Our 'floor' was in an open living room within a flat, and in my days, people rented the individual rooms and maintained them exclusive from the palour, so the palour still belonged to the landlord and Kito our host, was the landlord's son. Despite the noise and the fights and the shouts, the inner tenants had very little say, that is if several reporting to Mama the caretaker was 'very little say'. There were older guys within the other rooms behind the flat who joined on the floor occasionally so we had cover from them too.

Cjay's interest beyond girls and music was not much and he lived in one of the inner rooms too. We all looked up to him for referrals for chikolos because they always seemed to come steady. But he wasn't one of us. He was a medical student who was just taking advantage of the strike action to 'warm beds'. When he asked to join one day and declared N2000 as his 'investment', I was suspicious but hey, we all needed the money and here was money. In less than 15 mins, Bobby had dawised his whole N200 and Cjay wasn’t even bothered. Then he asked if we were going to be on the floor on Monday the next week. I remember Dr. Negro's response was clear "player come, player go, casino no de run". End of Week Four.

"See am, na now e de come, na him them for catch I swear, shebi e papa get money, e for bail am, but this e small eyes for see pepper today" It took me a while to understand what the ladies were saying about me when I hardly spoke to them. I was just walking into the casino compound with the three phones I was coming to exchange because the boys were willing to 'claim' them. The compound was quiet, Mama Salome's shed was half broken and I even saw an expended cartridge on the floor. I replayed the events of the last 10 mins and recalled that I had seen a police van at the street junction and someone had waved at me from inside which I ignored...
Family / Re: Serpent & Garden Of Eden Inspired Maternity Shoot Got People Talking by ElSherriff: 1:09pm On Sep 12, 2017
awwwnnn. Thanks boss. It takes a genius to know one.
mazimee:




You are a genius
Family / Re: Serpent & Garden Of Eden Inspired Maternity Shoot Got People Talking by ElSherriff: 10:12am On Sep 12, 2017
One thing I know is that the photographer is lit. What the snake is doing there other than arouse lalasticlala to push it to FP, I dont know.

Whatever the case, its, their life, their belle, their garden. If they are happy, so am I.

57 Likes 4 Shares

Romance / Re: Why Can't Girls Have Sex On First Date? by ElSherriff: 10:10am On Sep 12, 2017
Do you kill your chick on the first day of hatching? you allow it grow and mature till it becomes chicken.


To what I really wanted to say: Are you really sane? what guy cant control his hardon on the first day? you deserve a slay queen cos you just a hit and run, slashing grasses like a mallam's knife. One rule to relationship is, always put the girl in your daughter/sister's position, would you be happy they were bleeped on the first day?

3 Likes 1 Share

Politics / Re: I Won't Run For President In 2019 — Nasir El-rufai by ElSherriff: 10:07am On Sep 12, 2017
First rule of politics, never say never. Prime rule for the ruled, never believe anyone when they say never.
Romance / Re: Lady Calls Out Ex-boyfriend Who Cheated Her, Shares Pics Of His Dirty Boxers by ElSherriff: 11:04am On Sep 11, 2017
Ehen? I didnt know your father's boxers were this dirty. Since men are dirty pigs, have you fed your father some hay and straws this morning? Dont go get a life, be on Nairaland and be forming useless opinions.

Evaberry:
Men are like that


they love to wear boxers for up to two weeks without washing.


Dirty pigs


and they expect a girl to go down and suck them.


They don't shave their dicks or wash boxers
Celebrities / Re: Hushpuppi Reply To A Follower That Compared Him With Bill Gates by ElSherriff: 9:53am On Sep 06, 2017
The day this hushpuppi will be exposed ehnnn, the konk he will receive from us conservationists ehn...
Health / Re: Shocking: See How A Man’s Body Got Swollen After Nitrogen Dissolved In His Blood by ElSherriff: 9:51am On Sep 06, 2017
As much as I am inclined to believe this story, I think it doesnt jive. Nitrogen will not normally cause your body to swell. it will DISSOLVE and clog blood vessels, Nitrogen is not as heavy as to cause a 32kg weight gain and no sane doctor will expose his patient to a photography section when he is battling the bends, it will be straight to the pressure chamber else he may come now with brain damage. So fake news.
Health / Re: When Lasts Did You Go For Health Checkup With Your Family? by ElSherriff: 9:48am On Sep 06, 2017
No be who chop de go do check up

1 Like

Celebrities / Re: Wizkid Pictured With TY Dolla Sign, Flaunts Of Dollar Bills by ElSherriff: 9:48am On Sep 06, 2017
This dude is probably sick of delinquency...act normal, you'd feel well.

1 Like

Politics / Re: Next Governor Of Anambra State - Dr Tony Nwoye by ElSherriff: 9:47am On Sep 06, 2017
Another Ipob, another Biafra. There shall be no elections in Anambra. The Israeli dummy says so.
Health / Re: Help!!! I'm Hooked On Tramadol!! by ElSherriff: 8:20am On Sep 06, 2017
Bros, gather money, buy white fowl, female one, cut e head, use am turn round your head 7 times, enter village, use the remaining fowl cook for your granmama, you don exchange your head with the fowl own be that.

2 Likes

Education / Re: ASUU Strike: FG To Meet With ASUU Tomorrow by ElSherriff: 8:18am On Sep 06, 2017
Until schools resume, ASUU, Ngige, Adamu Adamu, Osinbajo, Buhari, Donald Trump, Kanu, OP, all of you are madddtttt. Crucial meeting igham bughi Okpor there.
Celebrities / Re: Nigerian Lady Weds Her Italian Lover In Grand Style (beautiful Photos) by ElSherriff: 8:16am On Sep 06, 2017
Stale news OP...stale news. The bride is pregnant now
Education / Re: FG - ASUU Negotiations Continue Under Leadership of Labor Minister by ElSherriff: 11:25am On Sep 05, 2017
You, Ngige, Adamu, Buhari, ASUU Chairman, all of you are mad.

10 Likes

Sports / Re: Dele Alli In Trouble For Giving Refere The Middle Finger by ElSherriff: 9:37am On Sep 05, 2017
Once an Afonja...complete it people
Crime / Re: 2 Indian Parents Jet To The United States To Beat Son's Wife by ElSherriff: 9:35am On Sep 05, 2017
Na wa. Intercontinental Ballistic Parents!

2 Likes

Sports / Re: Buhari React To 1-1 Draw In Yaoundé by ElSherriff: 9:31am On Sep 05, 2017
Liars. Since them give Bubu that Ipad carry for campaign he never touch am again, how e come take tweet this one? Someone that was watching match like e was listening to BBC hausa service lmao

1 Like

Education / Re: Ogah Onwe Chinedu, EBSU Lecturer Accused Of Sexual Victimization (Photos) by ElSherriff: 1:45pm On Aug 30, 2017
Is it possible to castrate him before/after sacking him?

2 Likes

Sports / Re: Conor Mcgregor Set To Overtake Cristiano Ronaldo On Forbes Athlete Rich List by ElSherriff: 10:05am On Aug 30, 2017
Talent will always make you standout Son, but talent not applied properly will be dwarfed by hardwork, optimism and persistence (which you should employ at school).

It is absolutely wrong to focus on the few 'talented' people you have mentioned in comparison with yourself, you know why? there are much more broke people who didnt go to school than there are broke people who went to school. And there are a zillion talented people who didnt go to school who have been rendered invalid.

You may not get the fame and money that Whiz, Ronaldo, Floyd and others have, but you should get enough money to stay afloat, relevant, comfortable, forward thinking and maybe to invest.

We all came differently. I wish you well dude.


paiz:
When I look at Ronaldo
Then I look at Mayweather
I look at wizkid
Then I ask myself what the f**k am I doing in school

1 Like

Religion / Re: "My Wife's Leg Is Decaying Because Of Witch Fire" - Man Cries For Help (Graphic) by ElSherriff: 9:53am On Aug 23, 2017
You are a scum, the basest of all human creation. You lose your sense of humanity when for cheap social media fame you vomit thrash to ridicule someone in so much pain.

It is not in my nature to wish karma on you...but empathy, humanity, concern and love for the human being far outclass your kind. She shall be made whole. I will see to it and with the love she will receive we shall show your kind that conspiracy theories, ridicule and irrational diarrhea of the mouth has a universal cure; LOVE.



KunkAcid:
grin shocked grin


If not for the toes, that leg looks like roasted bush meat.

Tiv women are insatiable and very renouned for cheating.

That rotten leg is the wages of her adulterous lifestyle. The naiive husband is there calling for help, when he should be drinking mugs of palm wine in celebration of his soon to be widower status.

He should start looking out for his neighbour's daughter from Gboko as replacement.


3 Likes 1 Share

Crime / Re: How UNIPORT Student Killed My Daughter For Ritual - Father by ElSherriff: 3:24pm On Aug 21, 2017
The heart of man is desperately wicked!!!

1 Like 1 Share

Agriculture / Re: Sale Of Life Catfish Vs Processed (smoked) Which Is More Profitable by ElSherriff: 10:47am On Aug 21, 2017
Smoked fish is much more profitable and economically more viable. I mean you can keep smoked fish for two weeks with the right preservation at far less cost of keeping live fish should there be left over after sales.

Smoking is the way to go man.
Sports / Re: 4 Things We Learnt From The EPL Last Weekend by ElSherriff: 4:02pm On Aug 17, 2017
Since he is your god, call on him to come rescue you. As if, if it was the entrance to any other Nigerian's ward it would have been permissible.
Childish and cheap.

repimpim:
This the entrance of majority leader of the sanate ward (AHMAD I LAWAN) at Gashua YOBE STATE
Politics / Re: Diezani Alison-Madueke's Lagos Properties In Pictures - EFCC by ElSherriff: 7:36am On Aug 08, 2017
Shey you don see why you no de progress for life? Your mumu never do e just de start!
raker300:
So?

These people are ridiculous?

Is she not allowed to invest in Nigeria again

She was minister of petroleum for 3 years, check if those properties were built between said period and trace the source of the income.

She was rich before she became minister

Don't come here to blab rubbish

Modified:
To those quoting me. Efcc should persecute her already and stop all these media propaganda if they have all the evidence in the world!

Since 2015, they've been talking about this woman yet still no conviction!

Make we hear word abeg. #ourmumudonedo
Sports / Re: Roman Abramovich And Wife, Dasha Zhukova, Separate After 10 Years by ElSherriff: 7:17am On Aug 08, 2017
Low IQ alert...Nowhere did I mention he was cheap, or mention he wrongly spent his money. You have no idea how expensive his watch is and certainly no idea what inferiority means. Inferiority would have been lambasting him cos he wore what he wore, I was actually admiring his simplicity. See Hushpuppi, e moni and thier likes...
ollah1:


Lol. Only kids and inferior people writes like this. Looking simple doesn't equate cheap. The watch he is wearing is enough to buy a car or house or something. Everybody knows where they like spending their money on. Don't write like a kid or inferior dude next time.




1
Celebrities / Re: Olakunle Churchill Received By Ellen Johnson Sirleaf Ahead Of Peaceful Election by ElSherriff: 3:42pm On Aug 07, 2017
So you are confirming your foolishness? clearly you judging am a fool and I can clearly see you are not in my shoes!
adetayo234:



Only a fool judge people when he is not in their shoes.
Celebrities / Re: Olakunle Churchill Received By Ellen Johnson Sirleaf Ahead Of Peaceful Election by ElSherriff: 3:21pm On Aug 07, 2017
Now that you have finished the first page showing pictures, who will now comment? mtcheww, he should be philanthropic maritally first. nonsense
Sports / Re: Roman Abramovich And Wife, Dasha Zhukova, Separate After 10 Years by ElSherriff: 3:05pm On Aug 07, 2017
You said it all, wealth is inside a man...
Ncsamuel:
yeah bro. Do you know that only POOR people dress to impress/oppress other poor people!. Like what my mum always advises me with she says '' A WEALTHY MAN IS NOT THE MAN THAT IS WORTH $99bn, but RATHER THE MAN WHO WORTHS $999trn YET THE POOREST BEGGAR ON THE STREET WOULD GLADLY SACRIFICE HIS LAST KOBO 'to him if need be 'AND AT THE SAME TIME EXPECT NO BENEFIT/REWARD IN RETURN!. Yeah, always confuses me too

6 Likes

Sports / Re: Roman Abramovich And Wife, Dasha Zhukova, Separate After 10 Years by ElSherriff: 2:36pm On Aug 07, 2017
Big man no de hard to know o, just wear 800naira shorts, 700 shirts and 2500 shoes, good to go, the full gown theex is wearing fit no reach 5k. If na here now, them go wan use chain kill themselves. May they find happiness in their seperate lives now.

147 Likes 8 Shares

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