₦airaland Forum

clems saloon. . . .
nw dats a tot

In United States of America they invented a machine that catches thieves;


they took it out to different countries for a test.


· USA, in 30 minutes it caught 500 thieves,


· India, in 20 minutes it caught 3000 thieves,


· Nigeria, in 10 minutes it caught 25000 thieves,


· South Africa, in 5 minutes the machine was stolen.

a thrash that has bin thrashed before can b thrashed again if d thrasher and d thrashee both agree to thrash again. . . .


sweeeeeeeeeeeet

comon clemy
shw som lav nw!!!!!

view equlibrium's profile at last. . .
i care about u toooo

djcrooky:
iby baby, u could plait them

Nw dats a tot. . . .

After 2yrs of selfless service, saucekid realized that he has not be promoted, no tranfer, no salary increase, no commendation and that his company wz not doing anything about it. So he decided to walk up to his HR manager one morning and after exchanging greeting, he told his HR manager his observation. The boss looking at him, laughed and asked him to sit down saying;"My friend, you have not worked here for even one day". Sauce was surprised to hear this, but the manager went on to explain.
Manager:How many days are there in a year?
saucekid: 365 days and some times 366.
Manager:How many hours make up a day?
saucekid: 24hours.
Manager:How long do you work in a day?
saucekid: 8am to 5pm(1 hour break).i.e 8 hours a day.
Manager:So what fraction of the day do you work in hrs?
saucekid: (He did some arithmetic and said 8/24hrs i.e 1/3.
Manager:That is nice of you!what is one-third of 366 days?
saucekid: 122(1/3*366=122 in days).
Manager:Do you come to work on weekends?
saucekid: No sir.
Manager:How many days are there in a year that are weekends?
saucekid: 52 saturdays and 52 sundays equal to 104 days.
Manager:Thanks for that. If you remove 104 days from 122 days, how many days do you now have?
saucekid: 18 days.
Manager:Ok! I do give you 2 weeks sick leave every year.Now remove that 14days from the 18 days left. How many days do you have remaining?
saucekid: 4 days.
Manager:Do you work on New Year day?
saucekid: No sir!
Manager:So how many days are left?
saucekid: 3 days sir!
Manager:Do you come to work on the Independence Day?
saucekid: No sir!
Manager:So how many days are left?
saucekid: 2 days sir!
Manager:Do you work on Xmas Day?
saucekid: No sir!
Manager:So how many days are left?
saucekid: 1 day sir!
Manager:Do you come on Boxing Day?
saucekid: No sir!
Manager:Let's even forget all the other public holiday. So how many days are left?
saucekid: None sir!
Manager:So, what are you claiming?
saucekid: I have understood, sir i did not realize that i was stealing company money all these days.

LOL. . . .
Iteun, 1st IG nw dis??
U can try bt u cant quite scratch me as i did u,
i get u bad bad and im laffin cos i see it stil hurts u. . .
       

@ITEUN

Breakin News!!!!!
Der hav bin reports on d sightin of a saucekid2 on nlnd,
is som1 impersonatin d 1 d only??

@saucekid
congrats,
e b like say u don finally pass ur junior waec,
grey mata ko, nicker bogger ni. . .

@clement
i hv always bin interestd in d arguments bw u & watergun,
nw u say location:in my barbin saloon,
plz abeg,
r u a he-goat or a she-goat??

wey supply d pure water 4 ur weddin ko??

@saucekid
ashewo unda age
and if hungry dey catch u, go join watergun army
i hear say him dey dish free foods


@iteun
democrazy my #$%&
ntin dey maga 4 here,

Katigurl:
I wonder who the bride is! lol,

duh, hav u bin readin d posts on dis tread??

Big Boi status,
Mua??
U nominated me for I.G.P??
Oooooo. . . . . .
Iteun,
Tanx a whole lot,
I go make u my 1st arrest, torture and summary execution!!!


Dude, wrng numba. . .
try again. . .

[b]WIFE's DIARY

Sunday night - I thought he was acting weird. We had made plans to meet at a cafe to have some coffee. I
was shopping with my friends all day long, so I thought he was upset at the fact that I was a bit late, but he made no comment.

Conversation wasn't flowing so I suggested that we go somewhere quiet so we could talk, he agreed but his
mind was far away. I asked him what was wrong - he said, "Nothing." I asked him if it was my fault that he was upset.
He said it had nothing to do with me and not to worry. On the way home I told him that I loved him, he simply smiled and
kept driving. I can't explain his behaviour; I don't know why he didn't say, "I love u, too." When we got home I felt as if I had lost him,
as if he wanted nothing to do with me anymore. He just sat there and watched TV; he seemed distant and absent. Finally I decided
to go to bed. About 10 minutes later he came to bed. I decided that I could not take it anymore, so I decided to confront him with the
situation but he had fallen asleep. I started crying and cried until I too fell asleep. I don't know what to do. I'm almost sure that his thoughts
are with someone else (another woman). My life is a disaster.







HUSBAND's DIARY

Damn!!
Today Germany lost again in the finals !!!
[/b]

      

@9jababe2
no lie, u like it, y fite it??

@iteun
repect ursef na.
dnt go homo on me nw

@iteun
my research shows all my facts r rite and precise,
i found out dis weddin is d 1 u did b4 u met & marryd tessy,
dat gal's name wz Sikiratu Amunat Onikokolori.
2 say d least, twz a huge mistake till tessy baby came and saved ur sorri ass,
and nlnd/nlndrs librated u!!

N.B; i gat no history, jst a future.

NA BY FORCE TO MARRY
During iteun's wedding reception; the he was called upon to give his vote of thanks to his guests and this is what he came up with:
1. I want to first of all thank the Lord Almighty for creating my wife And to also thank the pastor and his wife for lending us their wedding rings.
2. Special appreciation to my landlord who lent us his car.
3. I am most grateful to my boss for approving the loan I used for the wedding.
4. Big thanks to the committee of friends for the appeal fund they raised on my behalf.
5. Also to my brother's wife, thank you for lending us your wedding gown.
6. Am so grateful to the cake designer for the cake. I promised to return it tomorrow morning as agreed without cutting or eating out of it.
7. Special thanks to my friends who brought food from their homes to help me feed you all. Please for those who were served food good luck and for Those who didn't get any, well we will make it up to you during our child dedication ( hopefully next year).
8. Very big thanks to my parents for bringing the village cultural band to supply the music as well as entertain us all here, today.
9. Not forgetting the church marriage committee, thank you for persuading my wife to marry me.
10. Appreciation to the married men in the church for rushing me into this marriage.
11. The women are not left out, thanks a lot for teaching my wife how to dance.
12. To the youths, thank you for sweeping and decorating this venue with palm fronds.
13. I am also grateful to my teenage friends for helping with the Zobo drink
14. Appreciation to my co-tenants for contributing money for the cameraman
15. Well, I wish you all safe journey and I pray you don't experience what I suffered for this wedding. Thank you.

6 Truths of Life
1. You cannot touch all your teeth with your tongue.












2. All idiots, after reading the first truth, will try it.











3. The first truth is a lie.











4. You're smiling now because you're an idiot.










5. You soon will forward this to another idiot.











6. There's still a stupid smile on your face.










Sorry about this I was An Idiot too, And I Needed Company,

                                          

TANX FOLKS. . . .



NW, WER'S DAT DARN ? ? ?

I MISSD DAT CRAZY ASS

haba!! no serious applicatnts??

An old man living alone in the country wanted to dig his
potato garden but it was very hard work as the ground was hard. His only
son Fred, who used to help him, was in prison. He wrote a letter to his
son and described his predicament.

Dear Fred,
I am feeling pretty bad because it looks like I won't be
able to plant my potato garden this year. I'm just getting too old to be
digging up a garden plot. If you were here, all my troubles would be
over I know you would dig the plot for me.
Love,
Dad

A few days later he received a letter from his son.

Dear Dad,
For heaven's sake, don't dig up that garden! That's
where I buried the bodies!
Love,
Fred

At 4am the next morning, FBI agents and local police who had been monitoring Fred's letters all the while
arrived and dug up the entire area without finding any bodies. They
apologized to the old man and left. That same day the old man received
another letter from his son.

Dear Dad,
Go ahead and plant the potatoes now. That's the best I
could do under the circumstances.
Love,
Fred

*slaps him 3 hot ones again*
iteun busts out cryin lika cry baby!!!

Kip quiet!!!

Oya sori bt na u cause am na . . . .

Discoveries and Inventions by Men And Women
Men discovered COLOURS and invented PAINT,
Women discovered PAINT and invented MAKEUP.

Men discovered the WORD and invented CONVERSATION,
Women discovered CONVERSATION and invented GOSSIP.

Men discovered GAMBLING and invented CARDS,
Women discovered CARDS and invented WITCHERY.

Men discovered AGRICULTURE and invented FOOD,
Women discovered FOOD and invented DIET.

Men discovered FRIENDSHIP and invented LOVE,
Women discovered LOVE and invented MARRIAGE.

Men discovered TRADING and invented MONEY,
Women discovered MONEY and invented SHOPPING.

Thereafter Men have discovered and invented a lot of things,
While Women STUCK to shopping.

Woman and Palava sef. . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

leav?? y??
Cos of dat gun boy or cos u no lik my lyrics??

Without a sense of urgency desire loses its value
@ Uzzyan,
Ok i'l cut 2 d chase: Lov me lov me sex machine
@ gunpoint: wit due respect,

Tanx man, i suddenly hv begun 2 feel der is still hope 4 dis land!!

Yall nid 2 change ur brains sofware!!!

com aristo, e b man abi e b woman sef??
abeg confess

uzzyan babe, we met b4??

Little Johnnie sees his Daddy's car passing the
play-ground and go into the woods. Curious, he
follows the car and sees Daddy and Aunt Jane in
a "Passionate Embrace". Johnnie finds this so
exciting and can barely contain himself as he runs
home and starts to tell his mother excitedly:

"I was at the playground and I saw Daddy's car go
into the woods with Aunt Jane. I went back to look
and he was giving Aunt Jane a big kiss, then he
helped her take off her shirt, then Aunt Jane
helped Daddy take his pants off, then Aunt Jane
layed down on the seat, then Daddy, "

At this point, Mommy cut him off and said,
"Johnnie, this is such an interesting story.
Suppose you save the rest of it for suppertime.
I want to see the look on Daddy's face when you
tell it tonight."

At the dinner table, Mommy asks Johnnie to tell
his story, so Johnnie starts his story, describing
the car into the woods, the undressing, laying
down on the seat, and,

", then Daddy and Aunt Jane did that same thing
Mommy and Uncle Bill used to do when Daddy was in
the army."

tanks uzzyan
preciate