₦airaland Forum

Kaycee54321:
It's like finding out that, say, your mother has been telling your friends some bad stuff about you... you confront her and she kicks you off her house...and people blame you and say you should have gotten your own apartment before confronting your mom.

The truth is, you never see that coming. It's a cruel curve ball.

See, I still would have the same opinion in this case, and in any of such cases. For anyone, man or woman, single or not. Unless I am in (immediate) danger from what my mom is doing, I am not confronting her with with any serious charge. I am not! Does this mean I live like a fool and keep quiet for anyone who's in any sort of superior position over me when they are doing something bad? No. I am simply saying I will consider the weight of the actions/allegations against me, its consequences and what I stand to lose, and all these, depending on my manner of approach to that person.


See, travelling overseas as someone's dependent is not just some flimsy detail you tuck away in a pocket of your mind, to bring back and try to change whenever you feel like. You actively work towards being independent on your own, naturally. Like, that's one or the things that would have occurred to me when I'm reeling from my emotions.

In cases where I have confronted/addressed people, I always factor in a worst outcome/response. This one is not me just saying words. It's something I do, even when I engage people on-line (especially for someone like me that is quite "the way I am" ), and so some replies may be shocking, but they are never unexpected. And I engage the way I do on here because I don't see anything big to lose or gain from anybody here. Highest is being ignored, and that one too no too move me.

Ka ma wa so cheating in a situation like that.

I would have that situational awareness. And note again, whether we like it or not, our actions and words do aggravate bad situations. Like, they are already bad, sure, but they can still become infinitely worse. I believe this man went gun-blazing, and armed with some "I am the head, I am a man" diatribe. Or maybe *he* went threatening her, and the wife, realising her position, flipped things on him. Like do you know if she wasn't reconciliatory or remorseful initially? No. All we have is what he has told us.

(And thank you for helping to bring me to this thought arc. I can't believe I was almost blindedsided with a man's inclination to villainizing a woman in a story, 'cause I've seen this play out many times.)


It's crazy the way you guys are acting as if you've never, ever bid your time when you're trying to deal with a situation involving another person before, though. 😂✋

As if you go every day of your lives making instantaneous decisions and you don't sleep over them for a day or two.

https://twitter.com/rashieeee__/status/1697959310410580021?t=YJK6z26I02AFSeS5MzlF9Q&s=19

This is the link to the tweet if you wanna—sorry, want to laugh. 😂😂😂😂😂

I remember I be posting like this when I be watching Power one time. 🤣🤣🤣🤣

Shit don't make sense, 'tho. It's giving cray cray, 'specially for a homegirl from LasGidi/9ja.


This is a Nigerian, by the way, speaking like this and that is the joke.

But fr fr, their (BAs) ebonics is somehow sweet sometimes. I love the "stop playing with me" line (abi is it 'don't play with me?'). Wo, mo ti gba gbe. One of them sha.

Oasis003:


.....are you gonna cheat on me? I go dey fan you while you dey do chinchunchin with another guy to avoid deportation bá?!

Let's focus on the fact of you insinuating here that both me and you go relocate go obodo oyinbo fess.


You see, the series of life events is like a domino effect meet an house of cards. What I'm basically saying is, if you're a good man, you're a loving husband, your personality is engaging and we love each other enough to stay committed, there'll be nothing setting off a cheating streak, will there?

I don't know where some people got the false historical knowledge that atheism started in modern times or evolved from modern culture when the root word of 'atheism' itself ', átheos', is from the early ancient Greek language, which means 'godless'.

Or rather say that atheism evolves out of (mordern) culture, or you find a few people who are atheists within them.

This is my comment, right here. And I want to believe you have that much sense to understand. I put "modern" in parenthesis to denote that what I said may not exactly be it, but, that, at least, atheism arose out of cultural beliefs. Religion is a part of that culture, until people because questioning it. Atheism literally exists because THERE IS theism, and in contrast to it. I also clearly mentioned that there are some people who are atheists within these cultures, but go off.

Unless you want to refer to the very basic, earliest period of human existence before religion was formed as a time when humans collectively were atheistic, in which case wouldn't be valid because there was no conceptualisation of atheism. This, unlike the practices of animism, magic, ritualistic dances and spells, rain worship, etc. Does religion not predate this "early ancient Greek era?" Was a time where atheism was collectively ideological lifestyle and belief of people in the past?

Does that look like a modern language to you?

Some ignorant people here, who can't tell their left from their right, would be associating the origin of atheism or agnosticism with the English culture.

Anyone familiar with the history of philosophy, especially Western or classical philosophy, would know a number of pre-Socratic skeptics who were atheists; Anaxagoras is a good example. Epicurus was an atheist that existed in Ancient Greece around the platonic era.

Philosophers have written a series of books on atheism in the ancient world, such as "Battling the Gods: Atheism in the Ancient World" by Tim Whitmarsh; "The History of Western Philosophy" by Bertrand Russell, and many others.

Some people will be saying nonsense with confidence. Lols.

And these books were obviously written as enquiries and insights into atheistic clashes with the religions of the time. Religions rooted in the culture of the people.

And based on your submission above, if atheism isn't of English origins, is it now of African origins?

Theflint1:
You see say the energy get as e dey abi 😁

E nor even reply me again. 🤣🤣

Unlimited22:
Lol. I'm going to assume you have a lot of time on your hands, because from the first response you suppose Don abort mission.

Unlimited22:
Maybe na why izzou dey engage eunoiaa. E no Wan go our thread 😭😭😭😭

And you really could have done without giving me this needless mention, for someone who has a lot of time on their hands and doesn't engage in futile missions.

Mtcheeeeeeeewwwwwwwww.

Oasis003:


....and if he is deported, it means his life is over? He ain't gonna succeed again?!

Certainly not.

Time and chance happens to all men.

It just seems very f******** to go through with relocation hassle only for him to be deported after barely settling down.


Goodluck to him if he makes it.

izzou:
[color=royalblue]You have been quoting me since, but you are looking for Melvyn inside.

Check your self esteem, ma.

You need me to drag another person for you to accept that your opinion has no experience inside?[/color]

In five lines of simple words, tell me what my being married or not has to do with my opinions and their validity.

Are you married? If you are not married, what exactly qualifies you to speak on this matter or any couple matters at all that you've ever spoken on in the past?


I am not telling you to drag anyone, eish. Is the comprehension not comprehending? When Melvyn disagreed with you, did you tell him* to go and get married as well, so that he can see whatever? If you have, show me.

izzou:
Laptop for final year exams?

So nobody else has laptop in my school? I have to lick the nyash of a cheating girlfriend because of laptop? This is laughable

No, it's not. I wish I can find that tweet again and you read it exactly as the guy described. It was more "between the devil and the deep blue sea" than I have painted it here.

And as for the other one, i am the one paying the loan. She was just the guarantor. So even if she dies the next day, i will still be paying my loan.

Abi no be guarantor you call am?

Maybe, or perhaps I used a bad example. What I am referring to is like situation where she has to stand for you to get some financial benefit, that you may not even be able to repay in a short-term or monthly basis.

But anyway, do you.

People have rode out unpleasant (co-)dependency situations, and will continue todo so or pipe low until they are able cut themselves off without any consequences. It's just the sensible thing to do.

You go and be calling people out when you're in situations like that sha. 👍

Surprisingly, I can't see you telling Melvyn to get married first before sharing his opinions.


And if he was married, it certainly hasn't affected your reception of your opinion.


What is doing my head in is how if this was a normal cheating case of a man on a woman, and I was condemning it or I'm here preaching that cheating is a complete deal-breaker, you'd still tell me that I need to get married to see that cheating is not a white/black situation, and you cannot just call off a marriage. Me not being married is not your issue here; I don't know what is, but that is definitely not your issue here (for a single person yourself).

Like you're literally suggesting to me to get married because marriage is a complex ball game that you cannot speak on theoretically, so how is it not puerile to you that you're supporting that a man risk deportation and divorce over cheating, in the same breath? 🤣


Wo, abeg.

izzou:
[color=royalblue]I meant it when i said you need to be married.[/color]

Now I am becoming less appreciative of this line coming from you.

If you're single, and you want to keep at it, it's best we end this here.

izzou:
[color=royalblue]If he confronted his wife and she became remorseful and apologised, promising never to do it again, would you fault the timing?[/color]

Yes, I would still fault the timing because realistically, there's no way to know beforehand how she would have reacted.

It would have been best for him to have his back covered, and if she was remorseful, nothing spoil.

So now answer me. If you were the guy making use of your cheating girlfriend's laptop for your final year exams, how would you have reacted? Or if she orchestrated the loaning of a car for hailing to you/stood as your guarantor until you can pay it back and the car become all yours, would you wait until you're free of debt before breaking up with her or you you'd go broke, believing God for a miracle?

Oasis003:


....timing? What happens to his honor? He kuku should be fanning them while they are doing the do nah, to avoid been deported.

Ohh, nothing naa, my dear.

His honor as a man >>>>>> being deported back to Nigeria. 👍👍

Wa sere. E make sense baje.

donjazzet:
Are you ready to have a genuine conversation devoid of personal insults, name-calling and abuses seeing as these things are counter-productive??

And for the second time, today, I respect your dedication, lmao.

Marry first. Then show us how to ignore a cheating wife/husband

@Izzou, but women have been advised to do this and have been doing so for ages? Its impossibility is different from its rightness.

There are many people who have been doing so, and many will still continue to do so. Many choose to cheat back. Many live as "singlely married" and others just commit themselves to other things outside of the marriage.

Trevor012:
He is simply telling you even as an atheist he appreciates African culture and wants to see them promoted. There's atheism in every culture.

Or rather say that atheism evolves out of (mordern) culture, or you find a few people who are atheists within them.


There is no time, in recorded history, where humans haven't believed in the divine. Like believing in the supernatural was a key stage of our evolution. Religion and rituals was one of our very earliest creations, and every group of races you can refer to have their own version of the creation story and dead people whom they've immortalised, and these male up a part of culture as a whole.

izzou:
[color=royalblue]That is why i am waiting for you to get married naa.

You think Girlfriend/Boyfriend can be equated to marriage with kids? Maybe this is where you are drawing your "Wisdom" from.

Wait till you get married. [/color]

And when did you get married?


Because you cannot be a single person giving me this condition for commenting on marital issues...

izzou:
[color=royalblue]That is why i am waiting for you to get married naa.

You think Girlfriend/Boyfriend can be equated to marriage with kids? Maybe this is where you are drawing your "Wisdom" from.

Wait till you get married. [/color]

You don't have to wait on anything potentially happening because we comment on things that are already happening.


If you were in that guy's position, would you confront her and return the laptop or you will wait until you have finished and passed all your exams before bursting everywhere?


It's crazy as you're trying to make ME seem like the unrealistic person here.

In fact, the very idealistic me a few years ago would have been towing the same stance you are standing on. That there should absolutely be no grounds for remaining together in a cheating situation.

Oasis003:


Eun oiaa......?! You seriously faulting the innocent guy for confronting his cheating wife? I am 100% sure it was even him that financed the trip, probably by selling all his properties.

Ooin.....make una calm down with this una feminism abeg.

I am not faulting him; I am faulting the timing.


Boya now that he's going to be deported back, it is a good thing.

izzou:
I have not even proferred any solution. What i find funny is how you are blaming a man for doing the right thing.

The right thing in a wrong situation. Context matters here.

And I would like to know what you will suggest sef. Really.

You marry a rich man that gives you everything you need.
You find out he is cheating and you confront him

Then everybody blames you for confronting your legally wedded husband.

Okay, and the woman confronting the man in this case would be dependent on her values (just as the case above is dependent on the man's dreams). And based on your simple narration, I cannot find any grounds for a power imbalance.

Maybe it is wisdom to you, but it is very stupid to blame a man for doing nothing wrong. How long was he supposed to keep quiet? 4 years?

I don't know, does it take four years to switch visas or to secure a job? He could have vent to friends, an online therapist, write in a diary. Let his emotions subside, and talk to her, if at all he wants to do that and decide the fate and terms of their relationships. (Unless she's an insecure ogbanje sha that would have automatically gone ahead to do what she wanted to do).

Can you even do it?

Yes. Absolutely. In his case, I would.

And this has nothing to do with me not have a sense of self or anything. Like, humans really like to hype that about themselves when they are opportunistic asf. As I said, I would look for means to pour out my emotions, reorganise my perception about the person and live with a mental barrier towards them until I can stand on my own feet. The betrayal would motivate me towards that, and I am not saying this is a thing I can decide in a day or two, but I will. Staying with a cheating partner for things you can work for yourself may be humiliating; but staying with them when you have no crutches or bearing at all is simply self-preservation, so, staying with a cheating because I am dependent on them abroad is quite different from staying with them because they meet my needs.

It is very easy to type with an android phone, you know.

Yes, same way it is also easy to thinking through situations and choose the best course of action for a decision.

Let me share this story with you, too. Someone came to share it on Twitter. The guy doesn't have a laptop and he needed it to read and prep for some major exams. His girlfriend borrowed him hers, and he found out she was cheating. Would you have him confront her and breakup and she collects her laptop and his fail his exams?

Like, there was nowhere he could get a laptop. It is a painful, hard thing but keeping quiet until you're above waters is a wise thing to do.

Confronting cheating is even actually harder to do in real life than people make it seem online. The opposite of breaking up or confronting the cheater doesn't mean you have to wallow in self-destructive pity, you know? You don't have to sink into a shadow of yourself if you cannot readily leave a cheating partner.

Melvyn11:
This nigga is still calling the woman his wife lol. The woman Is already gone, the marriage has already ended. The man should have been thinking about himself and how to avoid deportation to start over again and that's where applying wisdom in that situation comes into play. Get a fallback plan in place before confronting her so when she pull nonsense like divorce it won't affect you.

Exactly!!!! Like, literally get a fallback plan! You can do anything you want to do to her o, in the end, as you like, but know that if she chooses to move left, you're covered. The man can even be the one to file for the divorce himself.


I mean, he is seeking for a sponsor now. Why confront her with something like that only to end up looking for one now within the space of a month?

The "I won't allow my wife to continue forking around because I want to stay in obodo oyinbo" bit is so short-sighted a thinking, I'm sorry lol.

izzou:
[color=royalblue]No need for long comments, because i have not read anything different from what Melvyn was saying.

If Wisdom to you is allowing your spouse fck around so you can remain in Obodo Oyibo, my sister, abeg carry on.

I no even know where to begin argue or counter that kind opinion[/color]

You're not "allowing" your spouse do anything, lmaooo. Your language is funny to me. There's literally nothing you can allow your spouse to do or not. Like, are you going to padlock their private parts or you'll "disallow" and forbid them from sleeping around? You're talking as if you can command faithfulness out of somebody, and you can punish it out of them by confronting them.

Izzou, the man has no chips or cards to control here. Nothing is literally in his hands.

Like, how does their fuçking around realistically affect you? Sure, it may affect you because of your expectations of and commitments to the relationship, but you can withdraw all of that. That is in your control. It is not just "obodo oyinbo", it is a means for him.

Maybe you should go back and really read the long comment again because I am not even saying he should accept the disrespect. My focus is on him remaining there (because that's HIS OWN desire) with little to no blow back as possible. His feelings of disrespect and betrayal is on him.

Your bolded is very funny, because it is easy to comment and spit "wisdom" when you have no experience or are not in their shoes.

So, are you really telling me now that there is NO OTHER WAY for the man to have handled it that wouldn't resorted in his deportation? Deportation o. For a travelling he worked hard at processing.

Are you saying you wouldn't mind losing your source of livelihood just to confront a cheating partner (who is indirectly the link to that job)? Since "obodo oyinbo" doesn't "shack" you like that, replace it within something more dear to you.

izzou:
[color=royalblue]Deported home to hell fire or Nigeria?

The same Nigeria that he raised funds to go abroad is what will kill him if he comes back?

So, if it was you, you would let your wife fck another man over and over again, just so you won't be deported?

I reject this kind of wisdom in my life

But if you feel it is okay, no p[/color]

For him to raise funds to leave Nigeria in the first place is telling enough that he didn't want to remain here. Relocating abroad was probably a means to a better life for him, and why should he let a partner's infidelity get in the way of that?

He cannot cheat back, he cannot lock up and break up with her in his heart? Practically live as a stranger with her?

From the story, he obviously still can continue to remain there IF he has a sponsor, so what stopped him from secretly working on that and then confront her when he's got that sorted out? Switch from being a dependent visa holder to a skilled worker visa or something?

I am saying this bearing in mind the fact that "japa" was a preferred choice for HIM and we didn't know his condition while he was here. Of course, Nigeria is not going to kill him.

But how do you know you're in that vulnerable, tentative state and yet he probably went to confront her harshly, fuelled by his ego?

I am not justifying his position or what the wife did; and I can't imagine how devastating finding out about that would have been to him, but it is what it is.

It wasn't commonsensical for him to place his emotions over logic in that case. It will only be a erroneous sense of ownership that'll make you describe the bolded the way you did.

You don't have control over what anyone chooses to do with their genitals. Another man is not "fuçking" your wife, your wife is choosing to fuçk outside and the most you can do is not to respect her again. Confronting her wouldn't make her stop or change or respect you. Now he's literally looking for a sponsor helter-skelter, when he could have been doing the same thing calmly and with time on his side. Like he doesn't even have kiss up to her ass or become a stupid, fool for her.

So you go gather millions travel, and go through stress of settling down and shit, only for you to end up losing it all because of one unfaithful partner? Don't look at it from the angle of YOU not valuing relocation. It's about his life and goals here. That's the tact and wisdom.

See you talking like deportation is not a big deal. What if he never make it again, and this is his only shot? So watin he gain? Just because he wan prove headship and say e get value? I mean, he literally can do that WITHOUT it resulting in his deportation, no? I mean, he could have gotten a divorce from the woman without it as well. How did he confront her that she not only filed for divorce, but wanted him deported? She's wicked for that, but he should have bid his time and not go prodding the devil with a hot rod in the eye when he's dangling over a "lake of fire."

donjazzet:
Voting for APC twice still doesn't mean one is a strong supporter of them, it could well be one is a strong hater of the main opposition in play and is stuck between the 2 choices.

Sooo, between 2015 and 2019 of APC's first term, you didn't find any reason for you to rate Atiku above Buhari? You disliked the opposition (and that's Atiku and Obi together o) more than all the years of Buhari's misrule? 😭

donjazzet:

We must fight this to it's logical conclusion.
No retreat no surrender!

Wow. I love this energy.

It's because it's you o, Nino. It's because it's you. I know watin I for tok.

Silly clowns fooling themselves on the thread. If they cannot make it about gender, they turn it to a tribal war.

Persephone1:
Same reason I hate getting banned,even with my back up that has been on for a while I can't engage much once this gets inaccessible.

It is. Look around our trolls are becoming more focused lol. You see Zombie trying to engage intelligently

And maybe they are finally growing up. I don't know, it seems like it's always a seasonal thing with them. See some of the "trolls" from way back who are now settled and probably even married.

These set are finally calming down. Then another set will come up (some of them be reincarnating sha).

Everybody will grow last last.

pocohantas:
Definitely...
I have been excellent. Good to know you are still around. Take your time.

Thanks; I will 💙💙💜💜😘.

pocohantas:
I know right. Very hard, I wouldn't bother if I were in the same position. Our favourite lapdog once said I am nothing without my moniker and I agree with him. Does he expect me to disagree and deactivate or earn a longterm ban to his joy?

They rest when you are banned or inactive. Reason being that on their own they have no presence. It is less of the economy and more of the fact that without you, they won't be noticed.

Likeeee. I don't even know how I became active on that moniker, but I don't think I can recreate it again.

That being my moniker gives me some level of engagement that I enjoy.

Ikr, I know they'll definitely creep out of their holes when I'm back.


I trust you've been good? 🧡

Persephone1:
Maggie like wahala too much

pocohantas:

You two. I don't even know what to say.

I guess it's quite hard for me to find engaging topics with a new account, and then building it, so I just completely lose interest.

Even if you won't be stable here, don't let a ban be responsible for it.

Noted. 🤧

Although I give it to Nigeria's current economy, it's been helpful in resetting the brains of Nl trolls.

Must be it, lmao. Because I did a local search of my moniker and surprisingly, very few of them have attacked me for this long.