₦airaland Forum

purpinkx: Flow flow ... Am loving this

thank you

dayleke: Flow,you r d definition of "CRAZY" in a good sense of way.
I've been reading and following u o.
Your last couple of updates were hilarious and I've been going crazy with laughter over here,I am reading your updates in traffic at every stop at a red light and other
drivers are looking at me kinda....
Carry go joor,nothing do you,I don't smoke but I drink sha...
Nna,u be the bomb.

no go laf lose control oh. Thanks man

Eze Promoe: [color=crimson]Flow, God punish you Na Dami wey be my favourite wey you wan do this kind thing to her mama You must press Ctrl+Z before me and you go fight o [/color]

but her Mama sweet pass her na, just wait, u go know y i talk like dat

buskeske: Flow u no go kill me with lafta ooooooo

mehn, u never laf, laf still plenty dey wait u.

The next day, as usual i was the first teacher to be in sch. As i was writing my boring lesson note, a student came, "good morning sir" Mosun a JSS2 girl greeted, "Mosun, how are u" i said "fine sir, sir i want to ask u a question" she added. "what is it, ask am all ears" i said curiously. "ehnn Sir i heard my elder brother talking to someone on phone about something he called C*ondom, sir what is a C*ondom?" she asked. "ehn ehn Mosun u see C*ondon is ehn ehn an ingredient they use to spicen up fried rice, maybe ur brother wanted the person to cook him fried rice" that lie came out of my mouth too fast. "i don lie for this small girl oh, but why she wan know wetin c*ondom be na, why she no ask her elder brother, na my mouth she wan hear say Pope no be V*irgin abi" i tot as i saw her leave happily.


Soon it was evening, i was at home smoking with Angom and Ilorin as usual. "Angom, if u see sugarmummy wey like u, u go date her?" i asked Angom. "Flow u don see sugarmummy?" Ilorin asked what made me angry, "yes na, i don see, na ur Mama na" i said, "Flow make u no dey talk about my Mama like dat oh, sha if u want make my Mama b ur sugarmummy u go die go meet her for grave be that" Ilorin fired at me "na u go die" i fired back. "Angom abeg answer my question jor, no mind dis mumu Yoruba boy" i said. "Flow, forget oh i go rush any sugarmummy wey come oh, abi u like as we dey drink garri everyday? u go gain plenty things from sugarmummy oh" Angom said. "u go gain plenty things but u go dey do her well well oh" i added. "Yes u go do her well well na, abi u no sabi do?" Ilorin asked me, "u dey mad, u wey only 2 rounds u go dey breathe like person wey run hundred metres for Olmpics" i said, "i do pass u abeg" Ilorin responded. I got to my room that night, as i was about sleeping, i tot of calling my "newly found love" a.k.a Ikebe super. "make i call her, make i no call her, make i call her, make i no call her, make i call her" i tot, "i go call her abeg" i concluded.

BukkyDan: Rotfl
Flow eeeeeeh....you wan kill pesin with laff ni? Haaaa!
Nice job! You just made my evening, thanks alot.

its my pleasure, bukky u never see anything sef.

I got home with almost half bag of garri "free of charge", "na who give u dis kin plenty garri" Ilorin asked, "i go theif am" i responded. "flow na ur house we go come dey take garri wey we go dey drink oh" Angom and Ilorin chorused, "because na me be una papa na, na me send una come serve?" i teased. I took a nap that evening. I dreamt i was chased by Kehinde my student. Kehinde was chasing me with a matchete. I ran as fast as my legs could go, as i ran ahead, i saw Juliet chasing me with an axe in front. With Juliet racing towards me from the North and Kehinde racing from the South of where i stood, i couldn't help but move to escape from the East, as i raced with an "Usain Bolt" style to the East, i saw Dami racing towards me with an AK47 gun. Now with the West as the only escape route, i ran at the speed of light towards the West, but i abruptly halted when i saw Dami's Mum racing towards me without a weapon; onlike others.

Just then i wished i had wings that could make me fly to the sky. I tried to move my legs but they were completely weak, i tried moving it again, this time my right leg moved but an obstacle on the floor stoped it from moving further bringing my whole body to the floor. As i lay facing the sky, all i could say was "forgive me Ladies, am sorry, Forgive me ladies, am sorry". I continued saying that until Dami's Mum moved closer to where I was lying and turned, now her big Ikebe was staring at me............................... GBAAAMMMMM!!!!, she sat on my head.................. "make una help me oh, i don die oh" i shouted my way from the dream world to reality. As i continued shouting i noticed my standing fan was on my head, just exactly the way Dami's Mum sat on my head in the dream. "thank God for this fan oh, if not that Ikebe woman for suffocate me with her ikebe oh" i tot as i put the fan to its actual position, "but wait oh, how i take fall the fan for my body sef?" i asked no one else but myself.

[quote author=Foxy_Rebirth]See, I dey watch you closely o... If this write up put me for trouble I go visit am for your head oooooo[/quote]foxy eh, ikebe wan put flow for wahala oh

2 weeks later. Dami had travelled to Ife to go look after her sick grandmum. I have been going to buy things from her mum's shop and guess what? I haven't been paying a dime, whatever i bought there was free. I couldn't tell why her mum gave me things for free since Dami left, until one day.


I went there to buy garri one afternoon, "good afternoon ma, i want to buy garri" i said. "good afternoon corper Ugo, how are u today?" she said. "am fine ma" i responded "come on in hunk" she added, beckoning on me to come in and seat down. "na me dis woman dey call hunk, which day dat one start na?" i said within myself as i gave her that charming smile dat melts the hearts of so many ladies. I sat on a bench and she came to seat on the same bench rather too close for my liking, "abi dis woman want make i stop to dey see her daughter" i tot. "u see, Ugo, can i call u dat?" she asked "yes ma, dats my name" i said, "common Ugo, stop the ma and call me Ireti, dats my name" she said, as i noticed she wasn't even old facially "ok ma, sorry Ireti" i said. "u see Ugo, i have always liked ur person, u are a dashing young man, i also like ur charisma" she added. "thank u ma, sorry Ireti" i said "hahahahahaha, and another thing i like about u is dat u are very funny" she said and laughed. She told me she was a divorcee and her Ex-husband was even married to another woman, "old story, wetin Dami don already tell me" i tot as i felt pity for her. "but nawa for some men oh, why person go divorce dis kin fine woman" i tot as i took a quick glance at her "mighty jogs". One thing i love this woman for is that she is a defination of Sexyyyyyy, with an arss that is as huge as a television, "why yoruba women dey get big nyash sef?" i asked myself as i stared at her big arss while she attended to a customer. "u see since my husband left i haven't seen a person that could fill the empty space he left in my heart" she said while she sat even closer to me. "go find am na, abi u no dey do am well nahim make him leave u?" i almost asked her. "Ugo, i love u so much, i want you to be my sugarboy" she said what seemed like a joke to me. I took a deep breathe and said, "ehn ehn ehn, what about ur daughter, i love her so much" . She giggled and said, "i love her too, she is my only child, but its better i tell u dis now, than for me to hide my feelings" she said, "u know what, i would give u some time to think about this, but i can't wait for too long" she added. She gave me her number that i should call her and give her the expected positive response. She stood up to measure my garri and i could now have a full view of her big ikebe. A song came to my mind, and that is Sunny Nneji's "dis Ikebe go put u for trouble oh, ooooh Ikebe, Ikebe, oooooh Ikebe"

Hottprince, i go like come ur church oh, shebi first timers go chop fried rice and chicken?

That day was like every other day, Juliet called me on phone and i told her i was very ill the previous day and my phone battery was down, that was why she couldn't get me. Evening came, and the tot of Dami coming to my house made me happy. That evening was cold so i went to Angom's room to smoke. I smoked every jumbo with joy and fulfillment in my heart. As the flames came out of my second Jumbo, it was as if my brain was soaring with it. Meanwhile Angom was playing "who do u believe in - by Tupac shakur" from his sound system. "who do u believe in, i put my faith in God, Thats who believe in, and when the going gets tough who do believe, tell me who do believe in" those where lyrics from the song, "Angom, who do u believe in?" i teased, "na God na" he said and i felt pity for myself that i have kept an arms length from my Creator. "e don tay i go church oh, all my own na women, weed, drink, i don forget say God dey oh" i said as i reminese all my trespasses against my creator. "Lord give me a sign, i really need to talk to u Lord, since the last time we spoke, the walk has been hard, i know u haven't left me but i feel like am alone, am a big boy now, but am still not grown, all these coming to me like pain in head,.......... protect me and give the strength to fight back......... Amen" i used Dmx "Lord give me a sign" lyrics as a prayer in my mind. Just when i said i needed no more temptations in my like, my phone rang, it was Dami.

I went out of the compound to usher her into my room. "u have a beautiful room here" she said, "not as beautiful as u are, my princess" i said looking into her beautiful eyes. I put on my Tv and inserted a black American movie into my Dvd. She watched the movie keenly. I was high on weed and am always more romantic in such condition. The movie got to a a love making scene, and i saw Dami was watching the scene with keen interest. At that moment, i switched on my red "romantic bob" that didn't only lite up the room, but made it serene and warm. "gengen, today na today" i said in my mind. Dami came closer giving me a green light. I placed my hands on her l*aps, she giggled and i also drew closer almost making my bare chest touch her b*reast. I couldn't tell what to do next as she continued looking straight into my eyes, i grabed her hands and drew her closer, this time i could feel her hard b*reast on my bare chest. I kissed her while i fumbled with removing her clothes. As her n*akedness stared at me, my d*ick was at its hardest, "ah ah ah ah, u are killing me, ah ah ah" was what she whispered as i made love to her, i scrambled and changed positon to give her the s*crewing of her life.

simplifier:
Na m first tym to hear say person drink finish dey ask where him leg dey

take 9 bottles of 1759 mixed with alomo, u go even ask where ur eyes dey.

I woke up weak and tired, i saw all the fish pepper soup i ate last nite on the floor, i didn't only see that but i saw a "mighty ocean" of the drink i drank on the floor, i turnded to see that Ilorin too threw up, "Ilorin u dey mad oh, so u sef vomit, na only my own i go clean oh" i said as i rushed out to look for rag and water that i would use for the cleaning. I came back meeting the whole room smelling like a brewery. As i was cleaning my own part of the floor, i glanced at the clock in the wall, it was 8am. "wake up oh, we don late for sch oh" i said, waking Ilorin up.


As i rushed with my bucket of water and soap to the bathroom, it was locked from inside, "who dey there?" i asked angrily "na we oh" i heard two voices, "who and who be we?" i asked curiously "na me and Kelvin oh" Sammy said, "why una dey baff together na?" i asked as i almost laughed out, "u no know say we don late for sch" Kelvin responded, at that moment i laughed a beat, "make una no do h*omo thing for there oh, girls plenty oh" i teased, "u dey mad Flow, na ur papa be h*omo" Sammy fired at me, "na ur papa teach my papa na" i fired back at him. I tot of where to take my bath for a while, so i decided i would do it just where i stood. I removed my cloth and started taking my bath at an open corner close to the bath room. As i applied soap to my face, i heard a noise, "who be that?" i shouted, trying to rub the soap off my face so i could see clearly. I opened my eyes and saw that it was a goat, "e no go better for u" i cursed the goat. Just then Angom came, "person dey inside abi?" he asked, "yes oh" i responded as he too started bathing outside. Ilorin came and saw us bathing outside and said, "i no fit follow una baff outside oh, wat of if woman come enter here" "u be mumu, which woman wan enter here, no woman dey stay dis compound, na only Mama Alhaja, and wetin dat old woman wan carry ur small p*rick do, she get children wey their p*rick big pass ur own na" Angom teased as i laughed loudly. Ilorin entered the "toilet" to take his bath and i continued laughing. As i laughed, i felt something walking on my both legs towards my p*enis area, the thing walked to my penis and tickle me a beat, making me to laugh more, it tickled me in different sides of my p*enis and i laughed even more without looking at what was tickling me............................. Ants............. "yeeeeeaaaaah, ant don bite my blockus oh"........................

movmentish: Ai flowey u don kill me wit laf oh!!!!
Why u like vomit like dis na flow sho!!!
See dem don dey reason say I dey mad for house coz of dis thread

movmentish, u never c anything sef, u go laf sotey u go forget ur name. C enh, try that Alomo and 1759, after 3 bottles, make i c weda u no Vomit.

"Flow come out make we go meet them Kelvin for Alejo l'owo joint na, dem go don dey wait us oh" Sammy said knocking at my door, "i dey come make i wear cloth" i responded from inside. I put on my Drinking cap; thats my black Kangol cap and we were off to Alejo l'owo joint.

As we got there. The other guys were already on their second bottles. I immediate told the "birthday boy" Kelvin to pass me my brand 1759(guinness). As i was almost done with my first bottle Angom said, "Alomo dey here to pour for your drink oh" "how u go mix Alomo and beer, u wan die?" i cautioned. "Flow e dey make sense oh, doctor say e dey good for heart, try am na" Ilorin said, pouring some Alomo into my beer. I siped the mixture, and contrary to what Ilorin said, it was burning my heart. Soon Kelvin ordered "pepper soup" for everybody. As i drank the hot pepper soup i tot i heard something fall internally from my chest to my stomach. "abi my heart don fall comot?" i asked myself as i continued drinking. I was on my 5th bottle, and i was seriously floating in the skies. "make we smoke weed na" Angom said, "u dey mad oh, we never drink all this drinks wey still remain u wan smoke weed, e b like say u no like ur brain oh" i said. I drank my 6th, 7th and 8th bottle, i had broken my previous record of 7 bottles, i didn't break the record only on 1759 but "1759 mixed with Alomo", so its a great midestone in my drinking carrear. Just then, Ojiga came to our table, after he shook hands with all of us, he ordered for another bottle round for everybody, as the bottles were brought, Ojiga went back to his table where he was drinking with a guy. "Ilorin, u sure say dis Ojiga no plan with those robbers make dem come rob Mama Alhaja" i said "yes oh, u no c as him dey spend money, and him dey follow big big boys wey dey drive motor sef, even sef that guy wey him sidon with there fit b that same guy wey come beat me for toilet that day oh" Ilorin said. It was time to leave and Kelvin went to plead with Ojiga for them to take us home with their car because it was late and we wouldn't see a cab.

Everybody stood up to leave except me. "Flow stand up make we dey go na, abi u wan sleep here" Sammy attacked "wey my leg, who carry my leg, wey my leg?" i asked as they all laughed beyond control. "mumu, c your leg with u, no body carry ur leg" Angom shouted dragging me up my foot. I walked like a baby that just started walking to where the car was parked.

As the car drove off, my stomach was begining to rumble as if i wanted to throw up "guy no vomit inside dis car oh" i told myself. As we all walked drunk to our rooms, "comot for my room na, na ur room be dis?" i asked Ilorin, "mumu, na my room u dey enter, abi u no dey c well" Ilorin answered. We both entered Ilorin's Room, as i lay down on his bed to sleep......................."uhn gboon, ngboooo!!!"................... "Flow u don Vomit for my bed oh"...................

alfablondy: @ flow you are a realy funny. I laugh so tey my wife jokingly asked weda i dey chat with my girl friend.

hahahahaha. Wetin u come tell her? Laf still plenty oh

I got to the boutique, stared for a while at the beautiful gown, and then walked in. As i walked in, i was shocked when i saw Dami to the extent that the book i held in my hands fell. "hello!! My princess, how do u do?" i said as i quickly picked up my books from the floor, "am fine, what did u come to do in a female boutique?" Dami asked as i searched for the best lie in my "brain-box of lies". "ehn! ehn! ehn, i came to see if they sell Male Perfumes here" i lied "do u sell perfumes?" Dami asked the boutique attendance "no we don't" the attendance responded. I discussed with Dami as she selected some clothes, asking me if they were beautiful on her. I told her all the clothes were beautiful on her, even though some of them made her look like a clown.

"thank God say this girl no say make i pay for this clothes wey she buy oh" "she no fit talk like dat sef", "mehn!! see as this girl don make me no buy that cloth for Juliet again" "wetin i go tell Juliet say i buy for her this valentine sef, abeg i no get money jor, i go switch off my phone so she no go fit call me throughout today, abi na must say person go must do valentine" i tot of all these as i walked with Dami. "when would u pay me a visit?" i asked Dami "i dunno, u know am always at my mum's shop, ok lets say tommorow evening" she promised. Dami reached her mum's shop and i was left alone walking home. Just then, i could feel my stomach rumble, "abi i wan purge?" i asked myself as i walked faster.

I got home, and i instantly rushed to the toilet to defecate. The toilet was locked from inside, "who dey there oh" i shouted "na me oh" Sammy said, "Sammy so u sef dey purge? e be like say na dat Amala and Ewedu oh" i shouted "na so oh" Sammy said "guy do quick oh, d s*hit wan comot for my nyash oh, make i no s*hit for body oh" i shouted again as i felt something moving in my bowels. Something watery suddenly came out of my a*nus, "i don s*hit for my body be dat oh" i said to myself. I was sweating profusely. I couldn't bear it any longer so i decided to do "short-put", i looked for the nearest nylon bag, bend down, did "my thing" in the nylon bag. As i defecated in the nylon bag, i felt relieved, "when the preferable is not available, the available becomes preferable. When toilet is not available, short-put becomes preferable" i said to myself. It took ages before i finished defecating yet Sammy was still inside the toilet. "u dey born pekin there, abi u go sleep there?" i asked Sammy "Guy see wetin Amala and Ewedu don do us" he responded. I tot of where to throw my poo away, and i concluded to throw it over the fence to the next compound. I threw it the way athletes throw "short-put" in the Olympics, and i heard..................... "who be that!!! who throw that thing"...................

As i walked home from sch with my guys, i saw this beautiful blue gown in a boutique, "Sammy, how u see that gown?" i asked "e make sense oh, u wan buy am for ur girl?" Sammy asked "yes oh, but if e cost i no go buy am" i said "Flow u get money to buy something for babe, me na my babe Lola buy this watch for me for Valentine" Angom said showing me his fine rolex wrist watch, "ur babe papa get money na" i added. "I dey hungry oh, who get food for house" Kelvin the glutton said "how u no go hungry, na food full this ur big belle" i teased. "kelvin no mind am, me sef dey hungry" Ilorin said, "as nobody cook for house, make we enter Iya Ruka canteen go eat na, i go pay for everything" Angom assured.


We entered the canteen to eat "Iya Ruka u get fufu?" Sammy asked, "i no get oh, na Amala and ewedu dey" she said, "so as na only Amala and ewedu dey, make we dey go na" i said, "Flow make we stay, u no know say Amala and Ewedu dey sweet" Ilorin said "how e no go sweet for u, no b Yoruba boy u be, me i never chop Amala and Ewedu since dem born me oh, Angom what of u?" i asked Angom "we dey chop Amala for benue na, abi Kelvin?" Angom asked Kelvin "Amala dey plenty for Benue na" Kelvin replied. "Sammy erièlá Amala mbú" i asked Sammy in Ibo, "éribém yà oh" Sammy responded. With me and Sammy as the only first timers in the "Amala and Ewedu" show, we ate on.

I couldn't help but close my eyes as i ate, as if i was eating poo. I took a glance at Sammy from time to time noticing his face onlike mine was not like he was eating poo, but his face was poo itself. "well, there is always a first time" i assured myself as i ate on. "ehen, guys today na my birthday oh" Kelvin said "eheeen, today na ur birthday nahim u no tell us since" i said "yes i dey tell una now because i been think say i no go celebrate am because money no dey my hand for morning time, but now i don collect my money for one teacher for sch wey borrow money for my hand" Kelvin added. "so na where e go be dis evening na?" Angom asked Kelvin. "na for Alejo l'owo joint we go shayoh na" Kelvin said. We finished eating and as we came out of the canteen, i told my guy i wanted to go buy dat gown i saw, dat they should go home without me. I headed to the boutique not knowing the "wahala" that was waiting in the boutique for me........................

Juliet left very early in the morning, so as to go prepare for sch. As she was about leaving i saw from the corner of my eyes that she collected money from my wallet. I woke up after she left, checked my wallet to see that she actually collected 2k. "dis Juliet no go kill me oh, she too like money, c as Dami dey dash me things, Juliet own na to dey dry me" i tot as i prepared for sch.

As i steped out of our compound, i saw Ojiga; Mama alhaja's grandson came out of a Honda car. "corper ba wóni?" he greeted "mò wápa" i responded in Yoruba as we shook hands. The car dat droped him zoomed off raising dust everywhere. "c dis small boy dey flex the whole Ilesa oh, him mate dey sec sch oh, where him dey c d money wey him dey spend sef" i tot as i walked the lonely part that leads to the sch.

I arrived the sch, entered the corpers office to meet Lola who also came early because she was now in charge of inspecting the class-rooms to see if they were slept well every morning. "good morning Miss Lola" i said with a big smile "good morning Ugochukwu" she said "wow!! its been long i heard someone called me by that name" i said as i looked straight to her charming eyes. "Are u in any way related to Tyra Banks?" i asked "no" she responded "because with this red dress u are putting on, u remind me of Tyra Banks, infact Tyra Banks beauty is 98% while yours is 100%" i flattered. "eewh!! Ugo u have ur way with words of flattery, thats why i like u" she said giggling "no like me oh, i have my way with words of flattery because i graduate with first class for university of chyking women, but dem no teach me with dis ur type of phoney oh" i said in my mind...................

jay4genius: flow, u na very very rugged dude.

ruggedity na my second name na

I sadly paid for the cornflakes and left. With the cornflakes in my hands, i walked down the street in search of C*ondom, all the shops i went to had closed for the day, so i was left with no choice but to walk back home.

"Angom u get c*ondom?" i asked as i entered Angom's room, "wetin u wan take am do?" Angom asked the most silly question i have ever heard "i wan take am cook soup" i answered. "if u get, give me abeg no dey ask mumu question" i said "i no get, go ask Ilorin" he said angrily.

"what are u doing with cornflakes?" Juliet asked as i tried to figure out a lie to say "i bought it for a student that scored the highest in my C/A test" i lied. I made love to Juliet with the C*ondom i collected from Ilorin. "i no dey enjoy this babe again, she no dey sweet again, i know say Dami go sweet pass" "no be say i no like Juliet again oh, but the thing be say if person chop Okro soup everyday, e go like wan chop Egusi soup na" i tot as i lay on my bed n*aked....................

The students finished resiting the national anthem and the pledge, so it was time for me to give them a word of advice. "u see students its not good to b bad boys and girls, obey ur parents, don't join bad gangs, for the boys; don't smoke" immediately i said "don't smoke", i saw Angom laughing behind. "ur papa there, Angom u no dey smoke, na only me?" i tot.

That day, the sch paid us the 4k they usually give all corpers every mönth as a token of appreciation. I was very happy. "so i go fit take Juliet out tommorow b dat, make i call her tell her make she come sef" i said to myself as i walked home with my guys.

Juliet came that evening as expected. She cooked, we ate and as we were about to do the "thing" i realized i had no C*ondom. I rushed out to get a c*ondom. I couldn't tell the kind of "bad breeze" that blew me to Dami's shop, instead of me to go buy it somewhere else. Lucky enough i didn't met her there but her mum. "i want to buy Con............ as i was about to add "dom" i saw Dami entered, so instead of "dom" i added "flakes" making it "CONFLAKES"................

Alah wakubar!!! Alah wakubar!!! That was the mosque close to our house calling for prayer; that has been my wake up alarm for a while now. With soup all over my body, i stood up from my rug where i slept. Now i could feel my head ache. I cleaned up the mess in my room, took my bath and as i was putting on my cloth, my eyes was admiring the beautiful girl in the coca-cola calender that hung on my wall. "wetin be today's date sef" i said as i drew nearer to the calender................ "oboy oh today na February 13, tommorow na valentine". I said as my face went gloomy.

"Government never pay us alawi, money wey i get for bank don finish, and Juliet go want make i buy something for her dis valentine, wetin i go do na?" i tot as i walked alone to sch.

I got to sch early and met only few students, i used the opportunity to complete my lesson note. As i was writing my lesson note, someone taped me from behind. I turned to see Kehinde, "are u feeling better now?" i asked "yes sir" she said. "ehn sir, i would like to come to your house for you to teach me velocity calculations, since our WAEC would soon start and i don't understand anything on velocity" Kehinde said, "ehn u see ehn Kehinde i would not be around, i would be going to Church this evening" i said a BIG fat lie......................

adeswags dmj: [color=#990000][/color]na d 1st tym i dey coment 4 nairaland jst bcuz of flow u go make Basket mouth run 4 im money.........d part wey make me laugh pass na d time dose robbers come....................evri bodi wey dey bear flow na always sharp guy

welcome to nairaland, u never start to laf sef

Rats!!!...............two big rats ran out of my cupboard, there were as big as a cat. "so na rat nahim wake me from that bad dream?" i asked myself as i grabed my broom ready for battle. I struck the cupboard and they ran out, i struck again at them, missing, they ran fast to hide close to my bed. I saw them climbing the wall as i struck again hiting the one behind making it fall on my head, as it fell on my head, i couldn't help but "speak in tongues" in a loud voice.

I lèft my door open for them to run out but they didn't. The one i struck at didn't die but ran back to the cupboard. Now with the two rats in different hiding places, i decided to go after the one at the cupboard. I struck at the cupboard again making the rat run out to my direction, as i felt it touch my legs, i "spoke in tongues" again adding "Swahili" this time. I fell like an "iroko tree" making an "earthquaking" effect on the floor. "wetin dey happen there, Flow u dey ok?" Ilorin asked from his room, "i dey ok oh" i lied.

"abi dem send this two rat to come kill me, dem fit b winch oh?" i asked myself as i stood up heading to the direction of the one on the wall; hiding behind my curtain. I struck and it ran to join the other one at the cupboard, i ran after it with fury not knowing that i had steped on the "okro" soup on the floor. I sliped off dancing "Micheal Jackson break dance" and.................. Gbam! i fell like a "bag of beans". "make una come help me oh, i don die oh!!" i shouted at the top of my voice as i saw the two rats ran out of the open door...................

As i was returning from sch dat day, i stoped by Dami's Shop but i didn't see her, instead i saw her mum, "Abi, she no like me and she no know how she go take tell me" "Abi, she don travel" all these clouded my head as i walked silently with my guys home.

I was in the backyard smoking when i heard a knock at my door. "Angom, i don tell u say i no go give u dat my shoe, u still dey come knock my door, abi u dey mad" i cursed thinking it was Angom. The person continued knocking, it was then i realized it wasn't Angom so i rushed to see who it was.

I tot i was dreaming, it was Dami, the pretty Dami. "what were u doing behind that u couldn't hear me knock" she asked "i was sweeping" i fired the bigest lie of the century. "come in, u are welcome to my humble cubicle abode" i said ushering her in. As she passed me i could smell the fragnance of her cologne, which made my head spin.

"u see Dami, i love u so much, i would place no one above u if u give me ur love, i promise not to break ur heart" i said as if i was singing a song. "u see Flow, i care about u too, i wanted to take out more time to think before i made a decision thats why i didn't come as promised, but one thing u should know is that if we start a relationship, it shouldn't end with ur service year, and i don't share my man, the day i catch u wit another girl ehn........." she paused "i don't have any girl in my life except u" i said another lie of the century. We talked and talked until it was getting dark, she told me her mum would be looking for her by now, so she left.

Immediately she left PHCN brought light, as i stared at my red bub, i said to myself "Dami is sure the light to my world". I put on my musical system and i played "tupac- do for love" all through till i slept of. As i slept, i dreamt i was chased with a matchete by Juliet, as i ran for my dear life, i saw Dami runing to my direction with a big Gun. I didn't know where to run to, and suddenly i heard............... "GBOOOOM, a gun was fired, i tot i saw the bullet drill a hole in my chest. I woke up breathing like i just ran 100m race with my opponent as Usain bolt, i put on my torch light to lighten the dark room and............... I saw my pot of soup poured on the floor.............

movmentish: Corper flow knack me tori dey go........

tori still plenty, no rush me na, we no dey Russia na

"Corper Ugo, i found out that amongst all the corpers, u are the only one taking only one class; which is SS3A, and since we want a corper that would anchor the morning assembly, the management has selected you for the job" the old principal said, "no problem sir, i would do my best" i assured. Before i left the principal's office i collected our clearance letter for January, which all of us where to submit at our weekly CDS meeting at the secretariat.

As i was thinking how i would perform the task the principal just gave me excellently, i heard "have u seen SAWMY" it was Lola asking me what i couldn't hear well, and i said "eehn, u said?", "i said, have u seen SAWMY" she said again "oooh SAMMY ehn" i said realizing it was SAMMY she was pronouncing as SAWMY. "yeah" she said nodding her head. "Sammy is under the tree discussing with Suliat" i said pointing at where Sammy and Suliat sat. "see Oyibo rekpete oh, so na Sammy nahim don turn to Sawmy, i wonder how Angom take dey hear wetin dis girl dey talk when two of them dey talk, if na me be Angom ehn, me and dis girl go dey quarel well well oh, and i almost toast the babe oh" i tot. As Lola catwalked to where Sammy and Suliet was seated, "wait oh!! Sammy don dey near this Suliat babe dis days oh, abi him wan chyke am, ibo man wey dey chyke alhaja ehn" "wetin Sammy see for that worwor Suliat babe sef?" i asked myself. "well, like they say: beauty lies in the eyes of the beholder" i tot..............

I made passionate love to Juliet althrough the nite as i looked from time to time at my closed door to see if i would just hear a knock that would ruin my Life.

I heard a knock, i almost fainted. Juliet went to open the door, it was'nt Dami but Kelvin who came to collect matches to light his stove to cook, he was talented in "noctunal cooking".

Thoughout the weekend i never heard anything from Dami. Soon it was monday. I woke up, said a little prayer, did some push ups, put on my Dvd to play my morning anthem; "better days by tupac". As the song came blasting from my "small but mighty" speakers, i stared at the big Tupac wallpaper on my wall saying "e no go better for pesin wey kill tupac oh".

I took my bath, tried to make a choice of cloth i would wear to sch. "e go better for Juliet oh, see as she help me wash all my cloth, na wetin i like her for b dat, but d tin i no like her for b say she too dey demand money, c as she collect 4k from my hand as she dey go her house" i tot.

I got to the sch and.............. "flow, principal wan see u for him office oh" Kelvin said. "but wetin i do na?" i tot as i took calculated steps to the principal's office....................

As i got close to entering my room, my room was already open. Immediately, i saw that my stove was on, with something cooking. I instantly remembered Juliet had called me on phone earlier telling me she would drop by, and i also remembered me telling her to take my key under my foot-mat in front of my door.

"Ju Ju, Juliet my love" i said in a sonorous voice. I kissed her passionately. "what have u been doing is sch?" she inquired. "we were doing extra lessons, dats y i came late" i responded. Just then, i persieved the aroma of the vegetable soup she was preparing, an aroma that made my stomach start singing in response. "nahim make me like Juliet, she sabi cook" i tot as she said "ur garri is finished oh" "ok, let me go and buy garri, am very hungry" i said as i walked out.

I went to Dami's shop of course. I saw Dami, alone reading a novel, i asked if she had given what we discussed a tot. She told me she would come to my house to give me a response by nite. She measured the garri for me, i paid and as i was about leaving she said "Flow i have something for u" she went in, came out and handed a polythene bag to me.

I never bothered opening the polythene bag until i was about half way home. I opened it, and lo and behold: tin Milo, tin Peak milk, several sachets of detergents and tin tomatoes where smiling at me as i smiled back. With my garri on my right hand and Dami's gift on on my left hand i walked home happily.

I got home and Juliet attacked "where did u get all these from, i tot u went to buy only garri?" i tot of the lie to coin for a while and i said "i bought them in the morning while going to sch, so i left them at the place i bought them telling dem i would come and collect them this evening".

I ate Juliet's delicious meal. Juliet told me she would pass the nite in my house, since the next day was saturday and she wouldn't be going to sch. "which kin wahala b dis na, and Dami say she go come my house come give me response" "wetin i go do now?" i asked no one else but Myself................