₦airaland Forum

"u must pay the fine oh, today u go smell pepper" a man on red T-shirt shouted clinging on my belt, "bros abeg no vex, i no go do am again" i pleaded. I turned and saw another guy giving my guys a hard chase.

"u must pay the five thousand naira fine oh" the guy on red said, "but na only piss i piss na, how i go pay 5k for just piss" i cried. "when i carry u go meet our oga, na 10k u go pay be that, if u do stubborn head i go use dis thing hite u for head and ur p'rick go disapear" the guy said bringing out what looked fetish, comprising of feathers and broom- sticks. "yekpa!! I no want make my p'rick disapear oh, my p'rick still dey do plenty work oh, i still dey use am well well oh" i confessed.

I saw the other guy dragging Ilorin to where we stood, "so them don catch Ilorin but him no piss na" i tot. "chairman i no get 5k oh, abeg, abeg" i pleaded, " u dey mad, u no c wetin dem write there before u piss there?" he queried clinging on my singlet. "leave my singlet oh, u no know say na original BYC" i almost said.

"bros ejór oh, émà bínu, i no piss na abeg, abeg" Ilorin begged the pot-belly guy that was holding him. "but why u no tell ur friend make him no piss here na?" the pot belly guy queried bringing his own fetish "juju" out. As Ilorin saw it he said, "bros i tell am oh but him say if una come him go give una the money, say him get money plenty" "haba!! Ilorin why u dey lie, na wetin i talk?" i shouted at the top of my voice.

"so u get money abi?" the guy on red asked bringing his head close to mine for me to notice his bad breathe. "i be like person wey get money? I get money nahim i wear this kin trouser?" i said pointing at my wishy washy trouser. "u no get money abi, i go hite dis tin for ur head so u no go get p'rick again" the guy holding me threatened. I tot i heard Ilorin laughed at that moment, on the contrary he was grumbling.

The tot of losing my most precious d'ick made me cry out saying; "i go pay oh! i go pay oh! But na 3000 naira i get oh" "ok, where the money?" the guy on red asked, i was eased a beat that he actually agreed to collect 3000 naira "e dey house, make this my guy go bring am come" i said. I gave Ilorin my house key ordering him to collect only 3k out of the 5k remaining under my TV.

Mazi u too much. I comot cap for u. Nice write up, more updates pls

I took a brief nap. I woke up by 4pm. 4pm was the time for match. Man u was to play Everton. I put on my Man u jersey that was crested "Flow hates Chelsea but Loves Man u" behind. But what i never knew was that the jersey would cause me trouble that day. All of us except Kelvin was on our way to the football viewing centre to watch the match. "flow dis ur jersey wey u wear ehnn, no go let all dis chelsea fans beat u oh" Angom said "flow nothing dey happen, no mind Angom na wetin wan carry chelsea fan come watch man u match if no be say dem hate us, so we sef hate dem na" Ilorin said giving me confidence. First half and no goal, so we went outside to buy Akara to eat while we waited for the second half. As we were at the Akara Joint eating, i heard...................... Gbaaaaaaa on my head, "the pesin wey slap me e no go better for him papa" i cursed as i turned to see who gave me the hot slap on my head. I saw two broad chested guys staring back at me at close range. "e no go better for my papa abi?" the one on dreadlocks queried, "no oh, no be wetin i talk oh" i cried out as i swallowed the Akara in my mouth without chewing it, "so u hate chelsea abi?" the one on face cap said, "no oh, bros abeg the jersey no be my own, na dis boy own oh" i said pointing at Ilorin, "Flow u dey mad, no be ur name dey there, which day my name turn to Flow, bros make una no mind am oh, i no be Man u fan sef" Ilorin lied. "bros na lie oh, two of them na Man u fan oh" Sammy said pointing at me and Ilorin. "ok, two of una wey no be Man u fan make una dey go watch second half, dem dis two don enter hot soup today" the guy on dreadlocks said giving me a hot slap on my face. I went blind for five seconds. As a rugged bagga of my caliber, i raised my right hand to give a reply to the slap, but what made me not to give him a reply was the fact that i saw a knife he pointed at me, "if u try dat thing wey u wan do, i go just shok u dis knife" he said. "oya make una lie down" the one on cap commanded. I never wanted to lie down initially but as i saw more of them coming, i had to comply.


As we lied facing the ground, Ilorin was pleading with them but i didn't even say a word. "omo, see this guy oh, see wetin him write for him jersey oh" the guy on dreadlocks informed others stamping his foot on my back. Just then i heard them saying slangs that sounded like baggas slangs, but it wasn't. "Flow dis guys na Eyeh boys oh, me sef na eyeh boy na, y eyeh boys go dey punish their brother" Ilorin said as i quickly recalled that Ilorin had told me sometime that he was a member of Eyeh Confratanity(the cult of birds) while in school. Ilorin stood up and said a slogan, he shook hands with them all and one of them followed him to a corner. On the other hand, the rest of them continued stamping their feet on my back. I tot my spinal cord was broken. Soon Ilorin and the other guy came and i heard the guy telling his friends to stop beating me that Ilorin was their fratanal brother. "but we go must collect dis jersey oh" one of them said to another, "yes him go give una d jersey na" Ilorin answered, "Ilorin u dey mad oh, na only singlet i go wear go house abi" i cursed within. I removed the jersey amidst several hot slaps. "na because una plenty oh nahim make i just dey allow una slap me like dat oh, if na only one person ehn me and dat person to fight na, and i go show d person say bagga no dey carry last" i said to myself as we went to go continue watching the match. Man u was two goals down, that made me more angry. "Flow why u wear only singlet na?" Sammy asked as i sat beside him. "u no see say heat dey, i wan collect breeze na" i responded making Sammy and Angom laugh beyond control.


The match was over, man u lost, 2-1. I walked home with a gloomy face along with my guys. I suddenly realized that i needed to pee. "make una wait for me make i piss" i said "u wan piss the piss wey u hold for ur body wen those guys dey beat u abi, u for piss for ur body wen dem dey beat u na" Ilorin teased. "guy see wetin dem write there oh" Sammy said pointing to the wall opposite me. I looked and saw: Do not Urinate here, fine 5000naira. I smiled and said "no mind this people them dey find who go give dem 5k abi". I noticed Angom who wanted to join me withdrew instantly. "Angom u too dey fear sef, if piss dey catch u, piss jor, no mind wetin dem write here oh". I unzipped my trouser and let a pee that ran as fast as a tap out of my P'enis, as i continued i heard......................... "u dey piss there abi, just continue oh, u don enter hot soup today" a bass voice said from behind me.

Splendblex: U burn her leg na,make she go treat am wit d 3k

abi oh

Sammy and Kelvin had gone home because they were not first timers. As i listened to the boring welcome message one of the pastor was giving to us, i forgot my legs waren't crossed, it was wide open revealing the big hole in between my legs. I quickly crossed my legs so the pastor talking to us wouldn't see my dirty boxers because i was seating in front, just close to the window. As i did that, i noticed that my burnt shoe sole was fully exposed to the girl seating beside me. "if she like make she see am na, i no send her, i no wan chyke her na, she no even fine sef" i said within me. "would any of u like to be a worker in the church?" the pastor asked. I didn't hear what he asked but my hands were already up, not because i wanted to be a worker but because i was about to wave Dami from the window, she was walking to where her mum's car was parked. "yes! Our brother here has volunteered himself" the pastor said pointing at me, at that moment i tried to bring down my hands but i wasn't fast enough. Instantly the formerly sweet soft drink they offered us became bitter as i drank. About four other persons also raised their hands up volunteering themselves, but the hand i wanted up was not up, Ilorin's hand. "why u no raise ur hands na, u no like to be worker?" i asked Ilorin. "guy na u sabi oh, i no wan be worker oh, wetin u feel like sef, u feel say na ur type dem dey find as worker?" Ilorin teased. "guy i no know which kin devil go raise my hand up oh, na mistake oh, big mistake" i responded.


The pastor took the data of all that wanted to be a worker, i tot of giving a wrong data, but i did otherwise because the main pastor of the church knew me as one the corpers they gave accomodation when we first came to Ilesa, he was even with my phone number, and i couldn't even think of myself changing church now. "guy u don enter hot ogbono soup oh, so u go become worker be that" Ilorin said as we walked to our compound. "no be bad thing na, atleast na God work i go do na" i responded. I entered my room, switched on my TV. As i was watching the concluding part of a Jet Li Movie i had started watching previously, i noticed there was a note on top of the Tv, i opened it and it read: Flow, i took 3k from the Flow bank. PS: lemme go treat myself. It was Juliet. Flow bank is a place under the TV where i do keep money i didn't want to put in my wallet, so when i tell someone i had no money, the person believes me on seeing my empty wallet (sharp Ibo boy brain). Juliet was the only person that knew what part of my house the Flow bank was, though i do change the location from time to time. 8k out of the money Ireti gave me was in the Flow bank that morning, and now 3k was gone.

johnwizey: make sure u find solution to ilorin's problem o

naso oh, the guy na mental case

"u dey mad abi, ur fada there, come collect money na" all these were the abuses i rained on the bike man as he stoped us in front of the church. "ur papa there, give me my money oh, or else we go fight here" the bike man threatened as he was already set to start throwing punches. "dis man never know say i get red belt for taekwondo oh, i go just give am Doliu chagi (round house kick) for head, i go com use Apoligei (axe kick) finish am, him don die be dat oh" i said within myself as i kept my guard. "íyalàyá" i insulted the bike man with the only Yoruba insult i liked. On hearing this the bike man threw a punch to the air. I still kept my guard as Ilorin came and held the bike man pleading with him in Yoruba. Ilorin paid him his money and he left. At that money i saw two ushers of the church came around the scene, one was tending to Juliet's injury while the other one was asking me what happened, a question i never answered. Juliet told me she would be going home because the injury on her ankle was hurting her seriously and that she couldn't walk well. I agreed with her and gave her my house key for her to go collect her laptop she left charging in my room.


"wetin do ur shoe?" Ilorin asked "na dat useless Okada man na, first my trouser tear as i wan enter the bike, and my shoe com burn again join" i cried as i took a glance at the big hole that was in between my legs, revealing my dirty boxer short. "guy how u go do am na, abi u go go house back?" Ilorin asked, "i no dey go any house, if i go house i no go come back again, and i no wan miss today church because e don tay wey i go church, i go manage am like dat jor" i said as i tried figuring the walking step to use dat would not reveal the big hole in between my legs. I concluded to use CATWALK.


I catwalked slowly as we walked to the enterance of the church. Ilorin laughed uncontrollably at me, "Ilorin u no go behave urself abi, if u dey laf, people for inside the church go laf me sef, but if u no laf, dem go think say naso i dey waka" i cautioned Ilorin who instantly stoped laughing. I entered the church with my "newly found" walking step and the ushers directed me and Ilorin to go seat in front after confirming that we were first timers. "even if una put gun for my head, i no go seat for front" i said to myself as i sited Sammy and Kelvin at a corner of the church, since there were two empty seats close to them, me and Ilorin quickly joined them. "why u sidon like dis na, why u cross ur leg na?" Kelvin asked me, "u dey ask mumu question, u no know say naso Oyibo people dey sidon, i wan sidon like Oyibo na" i lied as i saw Ilorin Laughing. At that moment i saw what made my jaw droped.

Dami and her Mum were seated in front. "so dis girl and her Mama dey come dis church? Why dem no tell me na? Abi na because i no ask them? because if to say i asked dem, dem for tell me" i tot. Dami's Mum caught me staring at her and she winked at me, it took a while before i responded to her wink, as i was about responding to her wink, i noticed she was looking elsewhere but Dami was looking at my direction so i winked at Dami and she smiled. Practically throughout the service i slept because the message was boring, Sammy too slept. We gave offering and as we danced i noticed Ilorin was dancing "Alanta"; the reigning dance then. "guy why u dey dance dis kin dance for church na, see as everybody dey look u" i told Ilorin. "make dem look na, no be house of God i dey" he said as he continued his wierd dance step. We said "the Grace" and i tot it was time to go home when i heard...................... "All first timers pls wait behind".

dayleke: @ foxy....,that was just a joke o,
Wetin man go do before flow updates again?

patience dayleke, just patience. Na pesin wey get patience dey fit wait make moi moi done oh.

dayleke: Flow,u badt gan ni o...
Why is it that all your updates must kill pesin with laughter?
I don't even read them publicly anymore since the looks I get while laughing is enough to shut someone up but how can I keep quiet in your situation?
<------I beat foxy with the smileys.....

dayleke u never c laf sef, even me wey dey post if i read wetin i post again i dey laf wella

Day broke into Sunday morning, this sunday would be my first sunday of going to church since i came to Ilesa "would u be going to church?" i asked Juliet who was still on bed. "yeah i will" she responded. "then start getting prepared, before we run late" i said as she stood up n'aked; she likes walking n'aked around the room any time we finished having s'ex, as if by so doing she would regain her lost strength. She was still n'aked ironing her clothes, while i was polishing my shoes. Suddenly i heard................... "Flow which church you go go?" Ilorin asked as he barged in on us without knocking. Juliet was facing the door so Ilorin practically saw all parts of her body that was suppose to be hidden. Juliet saw it as no big deal, so did Ilorin. "so una no dey knock for una village abi? i go go church abeg" i responded covering Juliet from Ilorin's sight, "which church be dat?" he asked as i noticed he had a hard-on, "na Winners Chapel na" i responded, "ok i go follow una go oh" Ilorin said as he left.


Soon we were out in the bus-stop waiting for a bus. I initially wanted us to board a bus, but Juliet suggested we entered bike. Ilorin boarded a seperate bike while me and Juliet stoped another bike. Juliet entered first and when it was my turn to enter the bike after her, it was the beggining nightmares. As i raised up my left leg to enter the rather high bike, i heard......................... GBRAAA, initially i tot i had fart, not until i heard.................... GBRAAA again as i tried raising my left leg even higher. "oooh!!! My God" i cried out as i noticed my trouser had torn. "why did u say oh my God?" Juliet asked me as the bike moved, "i said that because i just realize i forgot my bible at home" i lied, "ok, u would use my bible since i have bible applicatiön on my phone" Juliet said. As the bike moved on, i suddenly began to percieve a choking smell as if something was burning. "dis man no fit maintain him bike, see as him engine dey smell" i tot. Suddenly i began to feel my right leg was unsteady, and................. The sole of my expensive "kasino kino" shoes was almost half burnt by the very hot silencer of the bike. "ooooh!! my God" i cried out again, "what is it again Flow?" Juliet asked, "is dis useless silencer oh, it has burnt the right foot of my shoe oh" i cried. "pls move ur right leg a beat so i can share the foot-rest with you, my right leg was on the silencer all this while thats why it burnt my sole" i told Juliet. She did move her leg a beat creating a space for me to place mine. I fumbled with placing my right leg on the Foot-rest, and............ "aaaaaaah!!!!" Juliet shouted, i looked and saw that i had steped on her bare skin with the burnt sole.

Johnwizey u try but dem modify ur post well well, try using any of these signs in bracket (' * `) in any word u feel would be modified, just like i do, it would drive home ur message well.

skoloppy31: Flow u and mazi. Too much......more. Poer tour elbow as u kill da. Boredom am havin@home.....u. Are. Really good@this....• ː̗̀☀̤̣̈̇ː̖́ t•o•a•s•t ː̗̀☀̤̣̈̇ː̖́ •
*beer* *beer*
/ \
< >
_/ \_ _/ \_
• • t • o • a • s • t •. For u

thanks for the toast, cheers. BTW hope say u no mix the beer with Alomo oh?

I walked to the gate of my compound limping a bit and with blood stains on the arss area of my trouser. "wetin make u dey waka like dis na? Ant bite u for nyash?" Angom asked me. "no na dog bite me for nyash" i teased, "nothing bite me abeg my nyash just dey scrash me" i lied. "u don bring the table tennis board come abi?" i asked Angom as i noticed the table tennis board he told us he would buy was already in the compound. "yes oh i don bring am oh, na where i go buy am i dey since morning oh" Angom said. Angom had already told Mama Alhaja that he wanted to buy a table tennis board that we would play to keep us busy, mama Alhaja agreed and told him where to place the board when he brings it, which was the exact place Angom placed it. "u be correct man, u try, aleast we go dey rent am for boys wey wan play, u go get ur money wey u take buy am, u go even gain well sef before we serve finish" i said. "nahim make me buy am na, ehen ur babe dey ur room oh" Angom said, "which babe be dat?" i asked, "Juliet na, how many babes u get? She don open ur door she dey inside" Angom said "this boy no know say i get plenty babes, him think say na only Juliet" "but wait oh wetin i go tell Juliet say wound me for nyash and hand, abeg i go tell her say i get accident jor" i tot as i walked holding my arss to my room.


The Aroma of the vegetable soup Juliet was cooking made me realize i was very hungry. She was at the bathroom taking her bath so i hurriedly removed my blood stained clothes and put on clean ones. I threw away the blood stained clothes in the dust bin and pretended as if nothing had happened to me. "hello my darling!!" i said with a bright smile on my face. "where have u been since?" she asked as i kissed and huged her. "well, lets say i have been around like the bird" i said as i continued hugging her. She dished out her delicious vegetable soup, we ate.


It was time for sleep, she was to pass the nite because the next day was sunday. I took some paracetamol before i hit the bed; as if paracetamol would do the magic of relieving the pains in my Arss. It was time to sleep and of course Juliet wanted S'ex. She rolled over to my side of the bed making her b'reast to touch my back. "Ugo lets do na" she said. She calls me Ugo either when she wants S'ex or when she wants money. "Juliet, i don't have the strength dis nite pls" i said as i moved myself to the edge of the bed, this made her angry. "so u don't like what u see in my body again ehn, u are seeing someone else ehn" she said as she removed her clothes revealing her n'akedness. As i turned and saw her n'aked my sleeping d'ick woke up instantly. "i am not seeing anyöne, u are my one and only" i said as i c'aressed her. She moaned greatly as my hands moved to her rather fleshy c'unt. I drew closer to her and she bent down for a "b'low job" mission. The b'low job she gave me was initially like an elixir to the pains on my arss until................... She placed her both hands on my arss for her to regain her balance, and.................. i screamed not because of excitement or sweatness of the b'low job, but because her hands on my arss really hurt me.

Eze Promoe: [color=crimson]Flow, i dey feel you. But try to be updating faster. You didn't update throughout Saturday.[/color]

my brother no vex na low battery tins

"Flow, wetin wet ur trouser for ur p*rick side na?" Ilorin asked as he was seating in front of me on a bike going home. "na rain fall" i responded, "which kin rain wey go wet only ur p*rick side and all ur body go dry? Abi u piss for body?" Ilorin queried. I didn't respond to his silly question. We got home and told the other guys what we went through.


I put on my sound system and played Tupac "keep ur head up". A song that gave me the encouragement to always keep my head up even in difficult moments. As i was singing along and staring at the big tupac wallpaper that hung on my wall, i was distracted by the rather loud ringing of my phone, it was Ireti, she wanted me to come keep her company in her shop.


I was there in no time. She was looking very young and beautiful with her new hair do. "god!! See as this woman fine, she don even fine pass her pekin sef" i tot as i continued staring at her before taking my seat. She told me Dami would be back that evening, maybe by 6pm. "why she no com tell me say na today she go come na" i tot. I glanced at my watch, it was just 4pm, so we had about 2hours to ourselves. "Ugo, i want you to f*uck me again" Ireti said, "darling, y don't we do dat later" i said. "take dis" she said handing what looked like money to me, it was money, i counted it, it was 10k. "take it and use it to take care of urself" she added. "thank u so much" i said giving her a peck. "now let's start, we would do it here" she said pointing at a hidden corner of the shop, "hope nobody would see us?" i asked, " yeah nobody, besides if a customer comes, he or she would knock first and if no reponse from us, he or she would leave the shop" she said. We started making love in the shop, i gave it to her on the floor just like she wanted it. As i entered second round, suddenly i heard..................... "mummy! Mummy!! Mummy where are u" it was Dami calling her mum from outside of the shop. "am dead, its Dami, what do i do?" i asked Ireti who hurriedly tried to put back her clothes on. "take the back door, jump over the fence and you would see a bush path that would lead u home" she whispered. I rushed out through the back door fumbling with wearing my clothes. I hurried out of the back door not knowing the herculean task that lies ahead.


I took my first jump, but i missed my step and hite my head on the wall of the fence. My eyes saw stars. I tried the second time, this time i was almost there, i was hanging to the fence with my left hand, my left hand soon grew weak and i saw myself falling with my face flat on the cemented floor. My eyes saw even more stars. I dusted myself and was prepared for my third attempt. I jumped higher and i was lucky i made it, but it wasn't over yet. As i struggled and reached the top of the fence, i didn't know there were tiny security wires a.k.a barb wires on the fence. I felt pains on my left hand, i looked at it and saw blood goshing. Meanwhile i was seating on the tiny but sharp barb wires. Suddenly.................... "aaaaah, barb wire don tear my nyash oh" i cried with a low voice so nobody would hear.

Splendblex: Hahahahahaha God save u!

naso oh, my sister

"police is your friend" "bail is free" "obey law and order", all these was what i saw written on the wall as we entered the station. They took Ojiga somewhere i couldn't tell. "this ones na thief dem be abi?" a police man at the counter asked, "na ur papa be thief, see ur big head" i cursed within me. "no them no be thief, na their friend be thief, just take their statement" one of the Police men that brought us instructed. I took a sigh of relief because we would not be locked up, just that there needed our statements. "to write statement una go pay 1000naira oh, 500naira for one person" the police man said, "500 wetin?" i almost asked.


"Ilorin, u carry money come? I asked, "e be like say i carry but na only 500naira oh" Ilorin said. At that moment i felt like crying, "y my own be like dis na, wetin i go do now?" i tot. "ehn Ilorin we go beg am say na only 500naira we get" i said. "na u go beg am oh" Ilorin responded as i saw great fear in his eyes. "ehnn Oga Officer, na only 500naira we get here, abeg sir collect am like that sir" i stammered. "una dey mad ni? Bad boys like una, una get money una hide am com dey give me 500 abi" he said "officer we no get, if to say we get we for give u sir" Ilorin said. "ok i go search una, and if i c money ehn una don die be that" the police man shouted. "yes sir, search us, we no get money, abi Flow?" Ilorin asked turning to face me, "ye ye ye yes sir" i stammered. At that moment, i felt like runing out of the station. "if i run, them fit suspect me come shot me, and if i comot dis weed for my pocket com put am for ground peaople go notice, abi make i lie say i wan go piss com go flush am for toilet?" i tot.


"officer, i wan go piss" i said, "u no dey go anywhere until i search una finish" the policeman said as he started to search Ilorin. Now urine goshed out of my p'enis wetting my trousers. I hurriedly touched my pocket wishing the nylon wrap of weed could disapear, but it didn't. "u don free, now na ur turn" the policeman said as he left Ilorin and approached me. My legs were vibrating as if i was in the process of electrocution. "so u haven't taken their statements? Common! take their statements now" the policeman that brought us commanded, "yes sir!!!" the one searching said and immediately left us to go get paper. "God i thank u oh" i tot. I was saved by the bell.

Ehen, u don come again

"which of u is Ojiga?" one of the police Men asked. At that moment i remembered there was weed in my pocket; weed i wanted to go smoke in Angom's room later. "oga Officer, me na Ilorin, dis na Flow, Ojiga no dey here sir" Ilorin said rubbish. "my friend, where Ojiga dey?" the other police man shouted, "oga officer, na him room be that" i said pointing at Mama Alhaja's room. As the Police men went in to bring out Ojiga, i suddenly had an urge to defecate, "why s*hit go dey worry me for dis wrong time" i said within me. As they were inside, i suddenly heard sound of a window being smashed. The next odd sound i heard was a gun shot. They was a great stampede as i and Ilorin ran for cover at Ilorin's room.


"abi dem don fire Ojiga gun?" i asked Ilorin "maybe oh, but thank God say Mama Alhaja no dey oh" Ilorin responded. Suddenly we heard noises as if someone was draged out, what followed was a noise as if someone was pleading for mercy. Ojiga was draged out by the two Police men, i saw from the key hole of Ilorin's Room that Ojiga sustained a gunshot injury in his right legs. As they drew closer to Ilorin's door, i felt urine come out of my p*enis gradually. "where those two boys?" one of the police men asked. "we dey here oh" Ilorin answered even before the question was asked. "make una come out here" the other police man commanded cracking his gun. On hearing the cracking of the gun, we both jumped out with our hands raised above our heads. "oga officer we no be theif, we dey stay for this house, Ojiga na Our friend" i said what implicated us instantly, "Ojiga na ur friend ehn? Well we go arrest una two make una go write statement as na only una dey dis compound, Ojiga una Friend na big theif" one of the Police men said. "no sir him no be our friend oh" Ilorin cried. "as far as say him dey stay una compound, him be una friend be that" the police man concluded. "Why Angom, Kelvin and Sammy no dey house sef?" i asked myself. All these happened very fast that i forgot to remove the weed from my pocket. When i remembered, it was too late as we were already moving to their police van parked outside. "weed dey my pocket and i dey go police station, what if dem search me there, wetin i go talk?" i asked myself.

movmentish: We knee down beg for 1952

no knee down beg oh, i go update soon.

Ariyke: Chei! Flow u too like to dey put person for suspence oya come continue o b4 wetin happen for 1952 no repeat itself o

i dey come abeg. BTW, wetin happen for 1952?

The next day was Saturday, so no school. I was at home, this time not smoking but thinking deeply. I was lying on my bed lost in tots that afternoon when i heard a knock on my door. "who b dat?" i asked the person who continued knocking. I went to see who it was. it was Kehinde, holding a polythene bag on her hand. "sir, may i come in?" she asked "yeah come in" i said as i noticed she was wearing a very h*ot mini skirt. "if u like n*aked come, i no go do anything, d wan wey i do yesterday my body still dey pain me" i said to myself as she sat on my bed. "sir, i brought you some things" she said handing the polythene bag to me, i opened the bag and i saw; Paw paw, Yam, beans, palm oil. "na me dis girl wan jaz? She don put Yoruba L*ove portion inside this things, i no go chop" i concluded. "thank u very much, and i Love Paw paw alot" i said and she smiled. She left my house after i had explained some physics topics to her, i didn't "do" anything with her.


"Ilorin, see Yam, oil, beans and Paw paw oh, take am i dash u" i said as i handed the bag Kehinde brought to Ilorin, "mehn Flow beans and Yam go make sense to chop dis nite oh" he said, "e go make sense na, me i don already get plenty yam and beans for house, so instead of make dem begin spoil, i say make i come give u na" i lied. "nahim make me dey call u my main man!!" he said. "what of the Paw paw na, make i arrange am make we chop na?" he asked, "arrange am for urself oh, me i no dey like chop paw paw" i lied again. As he was rinsing the Paw Paw, i said to myself, "ehennn!!, if l*ove portion dey all this things wey Kehinde give me, na Ilorin e go catch, shebi him be Yoruba boy and Kehinde na Yoruba girl, dem go just marry". As Ilorin took the first bite of the Paw Paw, i was eased a beat "Flow, taste am na, e sweet oh" Ilorin said directing the Paw paw to my lips. As the Paw Paw touched my upper lips, i was full of Fury and said, "you dey mad oh Ilorin, i don tell u say i no dey like Paw Paw, u come wan force am for my mouth" i said rubbing off my lips with my palm repeatedly. Just then, We saw two men walked boldly into Our Compound, they were Police men.

"is anybody home! Is anybody home!!" i knocked as i got to her house. "hey Ugo darling come on in" i heard Ireti called from inside, "so na me don turn ur darling abi?" i said within me. I walked in boldly. "ur house is beautiful ma, sorry Ireti" i complimented, "Hahahahaha, stop making me laugh pls, i have told u to drop the ma and call me Ireti, am i old enough to be ur mum?" she asked "yes u are" i almost spoke out. "u see, Ireti i have gotten used to calling u ma, but i would try my best to change" i assured "u better do" she said stroking my nose with her finger.

"u are very handsome" she said as she moved her hands up and down my broad chest. "just as u are very beautiful" i flattered as i noticed her face was exactly like Dami's. She went into her room leaving me alone in the living room, i heard "Ugo darling come pls" i tot she was calling someone else as i totally forgot my name was Ugo. I came in and saw her lying on the bed with a wrapper covering her body. She couldn't even allow me settle down before she started c*aressing me.


She moved her hands to where my "chiarman" was, making it to stand at attention. She left her hands there for a while with her mouth wide open as she tot she just touched a mighty "sugar cane". "abi Dami don tell her Mama say i sabi f*uck?" i asked myself. She gradually removed her wrapper revealing her huge b*reast. "do u like what u see" she asked, i suddenly went dumb so i nodded. "they are all yours" she whispered. "u remember i told u i love u so much?" she asked, i had partial amnesia instantly, "yes, no, sorry yes" i said tensed. "calm down Ugo, am all yours tonight" she assured, "na me u dey tell calm down ehn, if we start the main thing now u go begin beg, u no sabi say i dey score goals like Drogba, ehnnnn na u go beg oh" i said in my mind. "Where i go start from sef?" i asked myself as the show started.


"yeeekpa!! Egbà mi oh!! Ó tó oh!!! Don't stop pls!!!" was what came out of her mouth as i gave her d*oggy style. "i no tell u say na u go beg" i said witin me. I gave her 3 rounds "action" and i told her the c*ondoms i came with was finished, she gave me another pack of C*ondom and we continued. "so this woman know say we go do nahim make she buy C*ondom keep ehn?" i said to myself as i tried to catch some sleep.

Emperortj93: Chichitchichichichichichinchinchinchichinchinchinchinchin *laffin in chinese*...bababababababababahbahbahbahbahbah *laffin in swahili* hahahahahahahahahaha....just can't stop laffin oooo **mak ena hold me oo**if ena no fit na 2 join me kolo mak we mental** hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha

no kolo oh. If u kolo we go sing "beyonce- to the left!! to the yaba left!!! for u oh.

I called Dami's Mum, or rather Ireti. She said i should come keep her company the next day in the evening at her house, that she was lonely.

That day in sch, i had no class to teach. In other to cure my boredom, i went to see how Lola taught her JSS3 Students English. I entered and the students greeted, i went to seat on an empty seat behind the class. The topic was PRESENT TENSE AND PAST TENSE. "can somebody tell me the past tense of run?" Lola asked the students, "na simple question for Jss3 na" i said in my mind. "infact, u tell me the past tense of run, and make a sentence with it ok?" she added, "me. Anti! me Anti!, me Anti!" was the noise coming from different corners of the classroom until Lola pointed at Bola; the dullest in the class. I knew he was going to fail the question, but i just wanted to see the magnitude of his failure. He stood up in jitters and said, "Anti the past tense of run is ehn ehn ehn ehn..... Runed". I let out a big laugh as if my intestine would come out from my mouth soon, i saw Lola Laughed also. The whole class raised the roof with cheers "stop the noise!!!" Lola shouted bringing the class to absolute silence. "ok, Bola if the past tense of run is runed like u said, make a sentence with runed?" Lola queried, at that moment i saw tears gathering in Bola's eyes as he answered saying; "Me kpèlù Tolu runed to school yesterday". I couldn't help but laughed my way out of the class before my intestine would actually come out from my mouth.

I got home, prepared myself some food, ate, took my bath and started dressing up for the visit to the house of my "sweat mama". As i steped out of my room, "where u dey go?" Ilorin asked frightening me. "i dey go heaven, u wan follow me go?" i questioned, "na ur type dey go heaven? u go enter heaven go dey smoke weed and drink abi, u go go heaven go give angels wey dey there weed make them smoke and high abi" Ilorin said what was the bitter truth. "na u sabi oh, u sef no dey weed? abeg give me that ur perfume make i spray jor" i said.

maesha08: Whoa V bin glued to dis page 4 d past 3hrs

i promise not to dissapoint u, more updates coming soon

johnwizey: oya nw flow...................................i cant wait o

me too can't wait for ur updates on "when sis caught me" oh