₦airaland Forum

[quote author=Foxy_Rebirth]Flow, na after I talk you talk o, so na who first talk we go do am [/quote]oya go sidon first, make i go tear hole for my trouser wey my "thing" go pass "enter". LOL

simplifier: Flow abeg leave me ooohhh

i no go leave u until we enter room.

HotNaijaBabe: U can too shout!! Oya, come sit on my Laps and don't derail this thread.

make me sef come sidon for ur lap? U go enjoy am oh

[quote author=Foxy_Rebirth]This guy can never kill me [/quote]foxy, u hear wetin Damex say make i tell u abi?

The bell rang and it was time to go home. As i walked home with Angom, "Uncle!! Uncle!!!", someone was calling. Me and Angom turned at the same time. It was Kehinde. "good afternoon sir" she greeted.

"how are u Kehinde" i said, "fine sir, ehnn sir i came to ur house yesterday but u were not at home" She said. "ok i wasn't around, i went to see a friend, hope no problem?" i asked. "no problem sir, its just that i talked to my Mum and she said i should ask u if u could organise evening lessons for me at ur place, since WAEC is just by the corner i need to work harder in other to come out in flying colours, she said i should tell u that u should just name ur price" Kehinde said. I tot of it for a while and said, "ok, am ok by that, but it would have to be for 1hour, that is, 5-6 daily, i would let u know the price and when u will commence ok", "ok sir" she responded and left happily.

"oboy u don hamma oh" Angom said. "hamma wetin? u no know say na temptation be dis" i said. "na true sha, u go dey teach her physICS and f'uckICS together, my advice for u be say no give d girl belle oh" he added. "i don hear you, Oboy eeeeh, see that fine shirt oh" i said pointing at a brown polka dotted black shirt hanging outside a boutique. "e fine oh, make we go price am na" Angom said, "price ke!! Make we go buy am jor" i concluded. We entered the boutique, we bought not only that shirt, but five other shirts and two jean trousers. Angom said he liked a beautiful Police wrist watch he saw, i told him that he can have it. I paid for everything and we left. "dis Angom too like wrist watch sef, and him get four wrist watch already oh, dis one go make am five" i tot as i looked at him while he admired his new wrist watch.

The first thing we say when we got home was a female shoe in front of Sammy's door. I tip-toed closer and what i heard made my jaw droped. Sammy was having s'ex with a girl inside the room. I informed Angom what was going on with a whisper to his ears. He whispered back to my ears that we should go to the backyard and peep through Sammy's Window. A suggestion i never liked.

We were peeping through Sammy's opened window and i noticed the girl Sammy was having s'ex with was Suliat; the corper in our sch. Suliat was not "all that beautiful" but as Sammy was b'anging in and out of her she looked more like an Ape. I saw Angom's d'ick rise creating a mountain on his jean trouser and i almost shouted. We were so carried away that we forgot to hide properly. Now Suliat was riding on Sammy like "Okada" so she was facing the window. "see b'ooby eeh" i said on a low voice. It was as if She heard what i said. She stoped what she was doing, took a wrapper and covered her n'aked body. I tot she had finished bleeping Sammy, but i was wrong. She whispered something to Sammy's ears, and Sammy smiled. She stood up and went to Sammy's Cupboard. She brought out a pot, it was as if there was something in the pot. "wetin dis girl wan use pot do na? abi she wan piss inside? Abi she wan chop? abi she wan cook?" i asked myself all these questions. It wasn't too long before she walked and stood opposite the window with the pot still with her. I moved a bit so she wouldn't see me, so did Angom. But one thing for sure was that our eyes were wide open to see what she wanted to do next, and ............................. "puaaaaaaaaaaa!!" she poured the content of the pot on us, it was Egusi soup "my eye oh! My eye oh!! Pepper don enter my eye oh!! I don blind oh!!" was the noise that followed.

Damex333: E don tey wey i don comment 4 here o, as i c say comment dey always plenty,and u dey make sense belle well. Now tell me d trouble wey knock ur door,and i no wan hear say u open d door 4 am o. Pls flow help me tell foxy say make im go continue all im tory. Im like doing unfinished business,and tell us wetin d gal wey kelvin vomit 4 im body do.

Damex no mind foxy him say him dey busy, i no know weda na busy for work abi na busy for bed.

I woke up early as usual, prepared myself a delicious rice, ate and drank the Juice i was suppose to give Sammy the previous day but didn't. I was off to school by 7am so as to write my lesson note for 30minutes before my usual morning assembly anchoring. As i came out of my compound, i saw someone, Omolade; the customer service Lady.

"hello pretty!!" i said, "do i know u?" she said looking at my face keenly. "of course u do, am Ugo, u remember!!". "oooooooh, my bad!!, the guy that came complaining about Atm ehn?" she said. "and the guy that called u yesterday" i added. "now i remember, do u stay around?" she asked, "yes i do, thats my house over there" i said pointing. She pointed at her house and i discovered we were neighbours.

"u look beautiful, i like ur hair do" i said. "thank u so much" she responded. We had a cheerful chat while we walked down the road. As we walked heading towards Dami's Shop my heart beat increased, "Dami fit dey shop oh, if she see me with dis girl wetin she go think, if to say another road dey wey we fit pass we for pass am oh" i tot. With every step i took i wished we weren't moving forward but backward.

We got to the front of the shop. Dami was there collecting goods from early morning suppliers. Dami waved at me and i waved back.

I was trying to let Omolade know that i had feelings for, but she told me categorically that she had a boyfriend. "me sef get girlfriend, infact girlfriendssssssss" i tot as she walked into the bank leaving me to walk alone to school.

"sir, ó fine gàn" Seyi a Jss2 boy said. Seyi is popular in the school as the boy that has the award for the most stinking fart. Infact when he farts his classmates runs out of the class for their dear lives. He said his favorite food was beans, no wonder he brings beans to school in his lunch box almost everyday. "and u too" i responded as he collected the books i was holding. He was walking in front of me and i could clearly see the hole in the back side of his short. "so na mess nahim tear hole for dis boy nikka?" i asked myself and smiled.

While i was writing my lesson note, i was thinking of no one else but Omolade, "she fit like me oh, maybe she want make i no disturb her nahim make she say she get boyfriend oh". "if Omolade gree for me, i no go chyke any girl again" i assured myself not knowing that Trouble would come knocking at my door soon.

joey0358: Respek man flow,feelin yu story to max dwn here in gh✌

thanks man, how is gh?

bibelo: Lol, nice story flow. Kelvin vomit on the girl to confirm the ugliness of the girl and horrible cooking.

Bibelo no mind that boy wey dem dey call Kelvin oh, for dis story nahim funny pass.

The city of Ilesa was very beautiful that night, or was it because of the money in my pocket. I tot of buying something for my guys. So i concluded i would buy red label and fruit juice. I went to a shop to buy the things, not Ireti's shop, but a wine shop.

I bought four red labels and four fruit juice. In addition to that, i bought four 400 naira recharge cards. I wanted to even buy the whole world for my guys, because they were really friends in need and indeed.

"where u dey come from? wetin u carry for that nylon?" Ilorin asked at the same time as i entered the compound. "i go thief for bank, na the money wey i thief for bank dey for dis nylon" i responded, "na ur type dey thief for bank?" Ilorin said. I walked straight to Angom's room and handed him one red label and one juice. "u be my man, u be correct man" Angom hailed as he immediately opened the red label. "Flow wey my own?" Ilorin who just came in asked. "see am here" i said handing not only the drink to him but a recharge card. I gave Angom his recharge card also. "see as u dey happy like say u fit drink one red label finish, u wey get light brain" Angom told Ilorin. "na u get light brain, u drink pass me?" Ilorin said. After a little argument, they both aggreed to go on a bet. 2k for the first person to finish his red label. They both handed me their 2k, that i should give the winner the 4k. I was sure Angom would win, so i placed a 2k bet on Angom. So if Ilorin wins he gets 6k, but if Angom wins, i keep my 2k and he gets 4k. As they began, i heard Sammy's voice outside, he was around. I left Angom and Ilorin to go give Sammy his own drink and card. "i dey come now now" i said as i left.

I gave Sammy his drink as i also noticed an u'gly girl was cooking outside Kelvin's room, she was cooking yam porridge. I informed Sammy of the bet and we both went to Angom's room to see the concluding part of the drinking challenge.

Angom won. Ilorin was angry. I gave Angom his 4k. "oboy i dey hungry oh" Sammy said, "me sef oh" me and Ilorin chorused at the same time. "i cook oh, but e be like say d rice no sweet oh" Angom said. "make wey go Kelvin room go chop, e be like say the yam porridge wey Kelvin babe dey cook go reach us oh, e plenty" Ilorin suggested. All of us walked out of Angom's room leaving him alone as the ate his funny looking rice.

This time it was another lady, it wasn't the same lady that cooked the rice and beans the other day. I gave Kelvin his own drink, he was very happy. The lady served us the Yam porridge. The yam porridge or rather "water water yam" tasted badly. The food was as u'gly as the lady that cooked it. As usual, Kelvin and the lady ate from a seperate plate. While he gulped down the red label hurriedly, the lady just drank the juice slowly. "why Kelvin dey rush dis drink na, which day him begin dey rush drink like dis, abi him wan impress dis girl, because him dey like impress girls" i tot. Before i could say Jack Robinson Kelvin had finished drinking the red label. And before i could say Jack Robinson again.................... "gbuuuuu gbuuuu gboooooo" Kelvin had threw up on the lady.

[quote author=Foxy_Rebirth]Haaaa..... Flow don hammer... Now na im una go understand wetin e mean to be called that fine, yellow, Igbo boy...[/quote]

[quote author=Foxy_Rebirth]Haaaa..... Flow don hammer... Now na im una go understand wetin e mean to be called that fine, yellow, Igbo boy...[/quote]no be small hammer oh. BTW foxy where u dey since? its been long u came online.

We didn't walk a long distance before we got to Blue Angels hotel; a rather old hotel. Althrough while we walked Ireti didn't say a word to me, not even to complement my beautiful blue long sleeve shirt. "which kin hotel name be dis, Blue Angels, i never hear dis kin hotel name before oh" i tot as i took a sip of the 1759 i was drinking in the hotel bar while waiting for Ireti who went upstairs.

Ireti came out to the bar after 20minutes, whispered something to one of the workers and went back without saying a word to me. "wetin dis woman dey plan na, abi she wan kidnap me, if she kidnap me, wetin she tink say my people go give her, me wey i no get market value. If she like make she kidnap me from now till next year, money no go come out" i tot as i ordered for another bottle of 1759.

Soon, a worker in the hotel came and told me Ireti wanted me to come meet her in room 17. I almost missed the room wanting to enter room 15. I knew i was in for it. I knew it was "show time" with my sugar Mama. But i never knew there were two ladies inside.

I opened the door to see what looked like a movie scene. Ireti was in bed with another lady, they were kissing, they were n'aked c'aressing each other. My d'ick didn't only stood up but it was as if it asked me "na only me for two of them?".

"come to bed Ugo darling" one of the Ladies said, initially i couldn't recognise which was Ireti, but i looked Closer to see that Ireti had a bigger b'reast. I went to seat on the bed. They ignored me and continued kissing, c'aressing, and Ireti even put almost all her five fingers into the other lady's C'unt. "yeeekpa!! I don die oh, so dis women na l'esbians, why dem com call me here na" i tot. Ireti stood up, held me by my hands and took me to the bathroom. She removed my clothes leaving only my Perry Cole boxers. She put on the shower and started giving me a b'low Job.

I couldn't tell if i was moaning or speaking french as she gave me a really great b'low Job. We came out of the bathroom, i was n'aked, so was Ireti. Ireti introduced the other Lady to me as Ronke. Ronke looked a bit older than Ireti, but she was for sure more beautiful. Ireti told me Ronke owns the hotel. While Ireti was saying all these Ronke wasn't Paying attention, she was looking at my huge d'ick with her mouth wide open. Ronke stood up, c'aressed my n'aked body and grabed me by my d'ick while heading towards the bed. "Madam Ronke!! take am easy oh, make u no cut my p'rick oh" i tot. I started with Ronke, bringing it in and out with my big d'ick, a d'ick that looked bigger that day. As i gave Ronke a great Bleep, I saw Ireti F'ondling Ronke's b'reast.

Second half, it was Ireti's turn. As i inserted my d'ick into Ireti's fleshy C'unt, she moaned greatly. Ireti was sweeter that day, or was it because Ronke was like an "appetizer". Althrough while i f'ucked both ladies i made use of c'ondoms.

I looked at the wall clock, it was 9pm. I woke Ireti and told her i would be leaving. She slipped money into my hands while she kissed me passionately. I asked her about the car, she said i shouldn't bother that she would take care of it. I didn't bother counting the money, i just left.

I got outside the hotel, went to a corner, counted the money and it was 50k (1000 naira notes). "oboy see money oh, i don hamma, so Ireti get this kin money? Abi na Ronke give her make she give me?" i asked myself. As i put the money in my pocket, i touched something that was like a roll of paper. I brought it out, and......................... it was the 10k Dami gave me earlier. "omo, i don hamma oh, see money eeeeeh!!" i said happily like someone that just hit Jackpot.

Ice4jez: hahahaha flow u dey craze oh.when tory just dey sweet u come dey fall hand.

na the suspence na. Just cool down, u never c anything sef.

It was a fender bender. Just that the two head-lamps were mangled. Lucky enough there was a nearby panel-beater. Dami wasn't injured, neither was i. if there was one thing i never forgot when such situation comes is; "never forget to step on the brake" i steped on the brake in this case but a bit late though, or would i say an angel helped me stoped the car from a complete head-on collision.


I thanked my stars the owner of the shop we hite wasn't around. Even if the owner were to be around, there was little or no damage on the wall of the shop. "but i told u to slow down, u wouldn't listen" Dami said as the panel-beater started work on the car. "i tried slowing down, but the speed at which that Honda car came made me lose control" i said. "oga, dis head-lamp na 20 thousand naira for the two oh, plus money wey i go take panel beat the body of the car, infact all the money wey u go pay na 30 thousand naira oh" the panel-beater informed. "30 wetin? Haba!! Na new motor we wan buy?" i said, "go buy new motor na, na for where u go see 30 thousand naira motor" the panel-beater angrily said.

"Flow i just have 10 thousand naira here with me, how much do u have with u?" Dami whispered to my ears. "me wey my money don hang for Atm nahim u dey ask how much i get, i no get any money, infact na only 200 naira dey my wallet now". I almost said. "ehnnnnn 200 naira" i said. I narrated to Dami how the Atm refused paying me and how broke i was, she pitied me "should i call my Mum?" she asked, "omo, call am sharperly, dis wahala don tayah me" i almost spoke out, "don't call her pls, how would she feel on hearing this" i said. "she wouldn't feel bad, she should even be happy its the car that got damaged and not any of us" she responded. "just don't be tensed about this, take it easy" she added.

Dami called her mum. While we waited for her mum to come, i was resiting "the Lord's prayer" in my mind. Her mum came in no time. "how did it happen, Ugo were u drunk?" Ireti asked. "drunk ke!! I don't drink oh, i haven't even tasted alcohol before" i told her a lie that could fetch me an award. "Mummy u need to thank God we are alive oh", Dami said. "and dis panel-beater is asking for 30 thousand" i added. At the mention of 30 thousand Ireti frowned at me. "abi dis woman want make i pay everything? But i no get that kin money na" i said to myself. Dami said she was leaving and she secretly put the 10 thousand naira she had in my palms before she left.

"u know what! I was about going to see my friend that owns a hotel when Dami called, why don't u leave the panel- beater to do his work while u come with me to see my friend in the hotel down the street" Ireti said, "buh, buh, but" i stammered. "no buts, u are coming with me to the hotel, and that is final" she said in a commanding tone. She went to where the panel-beater was, spoke Yoruba with him for a while and handed him something from her bag, money i guess. "let's go" she said again with a commanding tone. "which kin wahala i go put myself, see as dis woman dey command me, why she wan't make i follow her, abi she wan carry me go corner make boys beat me well well because i go jam her car" i tot.

dayleke: Nice one Flow.
Are u posting an update today?

i will update, am busy now, na nite tins na

Mazi, u are good. Make the ugly one no win u at the end oh.

Thank u all for following

Inasmuch as i would try my best to make u guys understand my story, pls try to paint a picture of the whole thing in your minds eye.

Like someone was asking if i recieved the money i was alerted for. I didn't, that was why i went to complain in the first place. As i was complaining, i recieved the alert of money i never collected. Una dey ask like say una never experience am b4. If i begin yan una d whole tori as e happen, we go dey for dis thread reach christmas oh.
Thanks to u all once more.

PS: RIP to Goldie, she is one of my celebrity crush.

My prayers were answered, we arrived safely. The salon was beautiful, with beautiful ladies adding to the beauty of the place. I was the only guy there. I couldn't help but admire the beautiful ladies, not allowing Dami to notice.

I was tired of admiring what i couldn't get, so i told Dami i wanted to take a stroll. I left walking to nowhere in particular. I called Omolade(the customer service lady) to ask her how soon the money would be returned to my account, she told me it wouldn't be later than tommorow. "i like dis Omolade babe oh, kai she too fine, i go chyke am oh, but i get many women for my life now" i tot as i continued walking slowly. Just then, i saw something that caught my attention. A bar, a very beautiful bar. "so dis kin bar dey Ilesa, see as e fine, see light everywhere, oboy d place make sense oh" i tot as i crossed over to the other side of the road. Now i could see the name of the bar sparkling; LEGENDARY BAR--- drink away ur sorrow. "i was sure going to drink away my sorrow" i said to myself as i walked in.

I was on my first bottle when i noticed some illegal movements. My nose confirmed the illegal movement that they was a place behind where i could percieve weed from. I hurriedly finished my first bottle and went to the dirrection the smell emanated from, lo and behold i saw a joint of weed with like twenty smokers. "so dem dey sell and smoke weed here, i go come smoke here, but no be today, i go come with my guys" i concluded.

I went back to where i was seated. I checked my wallet and discovered i had little money, that would be enough to order another bottle, even pepper soup, so i ordered them both. "mehn dis place make sense oh, and i no get money, if dis bank people no put my money back tommorow i don die b dat oh, on a good day wey money dey, me and my guys go come drink and smoke here" i said to myself as i continued to drink the chilled 1759.

I left legendary bar and headed back to the hair salon. I was very "high" and i was walking unsteady. "why ordinary two bottles go make me high like dis? Make i waka well oh, i no want make dis girl tink say i go drink oh" i said to myself as i drew closer to where the car was parked.

"u look drop dead beautiful" i flattered. "thank u, i have heard that from u a hundred times" Dami said as i put on the ignition bringing life to the car. "so where did u stroll to?" she asked, "no where in particular" i responded.

I was driving at a very high speed. "oh my world!! take it easy" Dami shouted as we almost hite a trailer while trying to overtake a jeep. "e no go better for you" the jeep driver cursed, "and u too" i cursed back.

At that moment the advert; DON'T DRINK AND DRIVE, began to make sense to me. I was just overtaking anything "overtakeable". "But what is happening, am i going to die today, Lord if i die today pls take my soul, forgive me my sins" i said a little prayer as i looked at Dami and saw fear written all over her. "but even if i would die today must she die with me?" i asked myself. I looked at the side mirror and saw a Honda car coming with high speed towards me, "or is he drunk too" i tot. I got to a junction and i was to turn left, i traffigated, but i couldn't tell if it was left or right that i traffigated because i was confused and scared of the honda car coming, i tried my possible best for the honda car not to hite our car, and--------------- GBAAAAM, we hite the wall of a shop by the road.

Fishoy: lmfao.....bt flow wat hapen after u got d alert nau.

u no know wetin dey happen when atm swallow ur card? Dem go tell u to wait for 24hours na.

I got to Dami's shop, or rather Ireti's shop, i saw both of them. "but dis girl tell me say na only her dey shop na" i said within me. I gave Dami a hug as i saw from the corner of my eyes that it was as if Ireti wanted to stab me with the knife she was holding, she was jealous.

"i want to go do my hair, would u accompany me?" Dami asked, "yeah, anything for you, my princess" i said. Ireti overheard us and said, "i don't expect both of you to go board a bike, why don't u use my car, Ugo can u drive?" "ehn, ehn, ehn!! No, sorry Yes" i responded "don't tell me a young man of your age can't drive a car" Ireti said, "i can drive" i assured. Actually i could drive but i wasn't perfect, infact below average, because i had bad records in driving, like; when i bashed my dad's jolopy car on a tree, and when i bashed a army officer's car with my friend dad's car on a christmas day(a christmas i would never forget).

We zoomed off with Dami's Mum Toyota Camry 2.2. My driving was a bit shaky. As i drove, i prayed in my mind that we should arrived safely, a prayer i wasn't sure would be answered.

alfablondy: oga flow your NYSC experience is full of fun and I like d way u dey narrate am. I laff so tey pple here they ask me wetin happen. I hope say tear no flow from your eye in front of that beautiful customer service lady.

tanks man, more laf awaits u

Monday morning came. I couldn't wink a sleep althrough the night because i was thinking deeply. "i hear say na today we go recieve alert for our alawi oh" Angom said as we walked to school. "make dem pay the alawi oh, i no get money again, i don broke die" i responded, "dem don pay corpers for some states sef" Sammy added.

Althrough, while i was in school i brought out my phone from my pocket at 5 minutes intervals to comfirm if bank alert message has appeared. On one of such occasion, i brought out my phone on hearing a message alert, but lo and behold it was a message from MTN. "abeg no be this kin message i want see oh" i said to myself as i deleted the message without reading it.

Yet another message came, i read it this time, it was from Dami telling me she missed me alot and that i should stop over at the shop to keep her company when returning from school. "so, na so i fine reach wey make dis girl dey fall for me like dis" i tot.

And yet another text message came. "guy dem don pay alawi oh" i shouted after reading the message, "correct!! make we go collect am sharp sharp" Sammy said, "i no carry my withdrawal book here oh" i confessed. "u suppose carry am na, u no know say dem go alert us today? but u carry ur ATM card abi?" Angom asked, "i carry am here na" i responded bringing out my wallet to confirm if my ATM card was there, "ehen, u go use am withdraw na" Angom said. Me, Angom and Sammy set off smiling to Oceanic bank leaving Ilorin and Kelvin behind because they had classes. What i never knew was that Oceanic bank was going to cause an ocean of tears for me.

Soon we were at the bank, the rest of them entered the banking hall while i went straight to the ATM because i was the only one without withdrawal book. I met absence of the regular long queue that afternoon. "make i just withdraw d whole money go put for my GTB account, I no like Oceanic bank" i said to myself.

My batch of corpers were among the first batch that started enjoying the 19,800 alawi government paid corpers. "i go just withdraw 20k, because i been get like 500naira inside before" i said to myself as i inserted my ATM card into the machine. I punched on the proceed button after i had typed in the amount i needed, and i waited for my money............................ One minute and no show. I heard a click sound, i tot my money was about coming out. When i saw what was displayed on the screen, i caught headache instantly, it read: OUT OF SERVICE. My card didn't come out neither did my money.

"una bank na rubbish bank, una ATM don swallow my card, wetin i do una na" i cried to the security man at the entrance as i was also looking at the machine from the corner of my eyes if the money would miraculously be dispensed. "mr man, go to the customer care and complain, shouting won't solve the problem" the security man said. "ok i would go, just keep ur eyes on machine incase the money still comes out" i told the security man. "Flow u be mumu oh, if d money comot, u think say dis security man go carry am give u? U be big mumu oh" i cursed myself as i walked into the banking hall.

"Flow, dis wan wey ur face dey like dis, u chop s'hit?" Sammy said, "na ur papa chop s'hit" i cursed. "Oboy, yawa don gas oh, ATM don swallow my card oh, e no even give me möney wey i want sef" i said bitterly. "eyah!! Flow why wahala dey follow u everywhere u go, abi dem dey follow u for ur village?" Angom said, "na u dem dey follow for village, infact dem don already kill u for ur village sef, na ur ghost stand for my front so" i cursed. "hahahahahahaha flow abeg no kill persin with laf" Sammy said, "abeg go complain for customer care before e go dey too late" he added.

"my Atm card and money refuse coming out from the machine" i said to the beautiful customer service lady; maybe it was because of her beauty that made me not shout, maybe. "okay, fill this form here" she said handing a form to me. As i wanted to start filling the form, my phone vibrated, i checked, it was a message alert from Oceanic bank saying i just withdrew 20k.

dayleke: Oga Flow wey d update na?

more update coming right about................. Now

Dariye: what! I thought u are married 2 a yoruba lady with 2 kids(twins)

hahahahahahahaha. Am divorced now LOL. Remember i told u that story was 75 percent true. lets say the marriage part made up of the rest 25 percent. This one here is simply 100 percent undilluted.

My bad! I forgot to ask, how did u guys celebrate valentine with ur love? Well, for me, my girlfriend broke up with me on February 13th. Na who lose, na me abi she?

Splendblex: U follow dey here? We're waitin over there too o

i dey here oh, make me sef read mazi experience na.

simplifier: "baby, why is the rice mucher than the beans?".
Uncle flow, abeg shey ds guy follow teach students for the school?
students don suffer

e dey teach na, that goes a long way to show the "half baked" graduates our universities produce. Don't worry as u read on, u would get to know why Kelvin speaks badly

Dariye: the rice is very much more plentifuler than the beans. OMG

infact the rice is muchest than the beans

fankasibe: @Flow.....i really admire ur style of writing.....its highly entertaining. But i'm sure u didn't suffer dis much for real. Keep da dice rolling bro!

na wetin happen to me for real be dis oh, i suffer for my service year no be small. Its the best one year of my life so far.

As i and Ilorin walked home after the whole incident, it started raining. Something came to my mind, the skies were sympatizing with me over the pains and sorrows i went through that day; first it was the trouser and shoe wahala, secondly, the church worker wahala, thirdly, the jersey predicament and finally the pee palava. Or would i call it a "sunday of sorrow"?. I was totally lost in my thoughts trying to replay my predicament one after the other when i heard a car honk......................... "pun pun pun!! comot for road na, if u wan die, no be me go kill u oh" the driver shouted. "wow! That was close" i tot.


I got home very famished. I opened my pot and discovered that what was left of the vegetable soup Juliet cooked the previous day was sour and was smelling badly, "see dis kin correct soup oh, e don go sour oh, and big big meat dey am oh, wetin i go do now, i no fit let this big big meat go oh" i tot.

I munched the meat like a hungry goat, though it was sour in taste but i had no choice. I searched the whole room if i could see something to eat. I found nothing except cornflakes; the conflakes i bought in place of C'ondom the other day.

As i soaked the cornflakes in water and started eating, someone came in, it was Angom, "Flow wetin u dey chop like dis na?" he asked "na cornflakes na" i responded. "which day u begin eat cornflakes na?" he asked. "guy no be me buy am oh, na person buy am for me oh, u know say i no dey like all this kin food na, nahim make since wey e dey my house na today i just dey open am" i said, "oboy i dey hungry oh, even the whole cornflakes wey dey dis world no go belle full me oh" i added.

"Me sef dey hungry, make we go Kelvin house go chop, him babe dey around, she cook rice and beans wey full pot" Angom suggested. We got to Kelvin's room at the nick of time when the food was served. "serve my guys food oh" he told his girlfriend.

"Flow, why u sabi rush hot food na, abi ur mouth get deep freezer, d food no dey burn ur tongue?" Angom said. "na u sabi oh, u no dey hungry na, if u dey hungry, even if the food hot reach hundred degree, u go chop am like dat" i responded. "abeg i no fit rush food like u oh" Angom said. Me and Angom was eating from a plate while Kelvin and his girlfriend ate from a seperate plate. Althrough Kelvin was bombarding us with wrong english. He was trying to impress his new girlfriend that he can speak well when he knew he can't. Since i had known Kelvin, his grammar had grew from worse to worst, infact its nothing to write home about. He kept speaking grammatical blunder, i didn't laugh, but i just swallowed it with the hot rice and beans, until................... he asked his girlfriend "baby, why is the rice mucher than the beans?".

Yungbitz: wahala b like Eba ,e no dey hard Flow make.....trouble dey smel lik akpu 4 flow body...reminds me of d novel One week One trouble abi na Eze goes 2 skul...lwtmb

wetin my eye see, my mouth no fit talk am finish oh.