God damn ittttttt, we still in front page, is somebody sick? KIIIIIIILOOOO-EFFIN-DE?

Something ain't right here today, why the negative energy? Ever since some mod who couldn't decipher the difference between a sensitive thread and a regular thread sent us to front page without anyone asking so much negative energies have started corrupting the initial motive of this thread.

Aunty Babyosisi abeg steer this ship well and avoid distractions oh. Ride on.

ichidodo:
Who cares what your job looks like..with your nosy background we can go on a limb and guess it involves sniffing behind goats buttocks...Excuse us.

Hello, I don't know if ur a guy or lady but honestly you need to chill. Please, this thread is for serious issues and if someone steps on ur toes please brush it aside for the sake of those needing help. No distractions. We are entitled to our opinions but mustn't force it on anyone.Thank you.

ichidodo:
That's it then...the knotty issue why your dad won't allow you marry your guy...He's a crime fighter, he's seen horrible stuff on his beat that you wouldn't believe...then there is the small matter of a dear friend's daughter beaten to an inch of her life by her yoruba husband...Its no brainer, your guy wont make a dent on popsie's mind even if he brings his family to beg,we believe it will boil down to the point of "over his dead body"..damn.

Hard truth, but i think i like her person enough not to ruin her day with that lol, thanks for making the job easier for moi.

Herzumpther:
I hope you visit sha. Hmmm one month..hmmm.

When and if necessary. I get gypsy spirit, like changing locations lol. Thank God my work can be done from any location. Make sure that Banga soup set wella and u can add the cat fish peppersoup by the side as a surprise cos today ur bill will go through first reading lol.

Herzumpther:
Lol. Oguta men are proud I've heard so much about your oguta lake o, dad has served around there too.

Lol @ Ogutaeeeeeeee! I ra nshi make my mama interpret this for me abeg.

Hmmm it depends on what they proud of, I have spent most of my life in different parts of Nigeria and have lived there for one month, the rest na visit, me I be Nigerian, good to know ur Dad has served around there.

Herzumpther:
Mum suggested I do a village square meeting she knows I'm not that kind anyway but my dad is saying no even when she brings up the ish.

I will allow him come surely......hmmm lakes will have to defend his CVE 599 in front of my dad o. I know dad won't shout, he doesn't shout as he is not that kind, he picks his words and listens carefully. I won't tell lakes to prepare but to allow it flow naturally. He is an only son so I believe he should be able to flow naturally.

All I know is I can't start searching for an Igbo man, abi them get Igbo men tree I should go pluck my choice from?

Bia nwanyi oma i never chop this morning and u cracking a brother up. Lol@Igbo tree. It's just like my place where no one voted for obj cos he was the commander in charge of the battalion that took our place(Oguta) during the civil war with the help of our Ijaw neighbours. They killed and raped and committed all sorts of war time atrocities and the young generation then are parents now so imagine a babe telling her father that she wants to marry a Yoruba man or worst from ogun state,"Ogutaeeeeeee! i ra nshi" is the first reply she will get. But it happens, my cousin married a Yoruba man from ibadan.

Herzumpther:
Good morning.

Just like ma'am kimoni suggested I wrote a letter before I slept I then dropped it in his car. He left for work by 4 because he has some suspect he is taking to court this morning. He sent me a text saying "Herz, I don't hate you or your friend, just remove your mind from there and go for a man from the east or somewhere else. I am your father and I want the best for you. You don't know the Yoruba's. I dont want to see him but if you insist I see him then no problem, I will see him but it really won't change anything. We will talk more when I return and please cook banga soup and pounded yam for me".


I think I'm beginning to understand his fears/why he is saying a big NO........now I understand.......well people can't be the same but it will take a long time to make dad see that.

Good morning everybody.

I suspect the civil war, a lot of wounds haven't healed till now. Most Yoruba's are scared of giving off their daughters to igbos and vice versa. Will wait for u to discuss with him then will take it up from there. Hope ur night was good?

babyosisi:


In this case are liable to long life sans HIV

Aunty shouldn't u be asleep by now? (smiles)

Herzumpther:
OK ooo.
Maybe I should fast in advance.

If I miss this man it will pain me o. Good men are many but hard to come by.

I have a very good feeling about this. You won't miss him. I think after His first meeting with ur Dad subsequent meetings should follow, with a short time ur Dad will warm up to him. Am able to have long conversations with old people cos am very vast, I hope he is to cos from the little u have said about ur Dad i see ur Dad quizzing him directly or indirectly, Prep ur man before sending him to the front.

Herzumpther:
My sister after reading her Post I became scared of even getting getting married or pushing my own ish forward.

See that of Sunshinny That got me thinking really bad, I can't even have dinner.

Am surprised none of the two people she directed the question to have replied. Or have they?

chisom101:
Pls Anty babyosisi,I saw this massage in my husband phone last week my eyes have seen my ear,been crying since then .see the message below.

(My dalin how are u,start comin I miss ur hot dick can't wait to suck ur lovely dick ,this time I will cum inside ur mouth , ur tongue can do a lot of wonders, I want u to suck my pussy like never before. then I will Bleep u till u cum.am wet pls start comin)

Where do I start from now? Caught in the act, walk out of the marriage if you don't have kids, forgive him if you can forget it and if you can do that still add a sanction/probation period. Sometimes i wish Charles Dickens and Jane kitty were detachable,.would have adviced you seize it whenever he is going out. Well start with s sanction, no confrontation, be a boss, be in charge and read out ur verdict. Finally, u got kids for him?

Amuga:
Thank you op for creating a thread like. My younger sister is my major concern for now, someone may say this is a thread for personal issue, but since she is not an active member on nairaland i had to write on her behalf.
Her fiance happen to be in southAfrica and he came in november last year. They did their introduction that same month and the wedding is to take place in july.
The bone of contention is a lady tagged him on facebook that both of them are engaged and from her name she is a southAfrican lady. my sister confronted him and he agreed he knows the lady but want to use her to get something but they are not married. my younger sister and i that know about this and to make matter worse she is already pregnant for him. Hope he is making her his Nigeria wife?

Am sorry oh my dear, most of my comments are blunt and direct but I must tell u the hard truth.
1. Your sister had to find out through the Facebook tagging meaning he never wanted her to know (Nigerian wife proof number 1).
2 The fact that he didn't tell her about the plan means he had no respect whatsoever for her talk less of love (side chick proof).
3 He said he wants to use the SA girl to get something, that something no get name? (permanent VISA hunting proof)
4 Why does he want a permanent visa? So he won't return unless maybe when him mama kaput(runaway nyugguh proof).
5 Is ur sister his wife? (ur guess is as good as mine proof). She's a Patsy.

#SINGING "TOO LATE TO MAKE A CHANGE" by Journey. Don't worry if u no be old school like me you won't know the song.

Last bullet: If it's the SA girl that's pregnant then it's not too late for ur sister to press ctrl +z . (this my mischievous attitude is killing me). You get my point tho.

ephee:




no lady prays to end up as a single mum. pray u dnt meet a man like my ex hubby,even ur not nagging wunt stop him from hitting u. he wil look for sometin to fight u for.hez a saddist nd trouble maker. i cant love such a man that wil raise his hands on me

u know within u that we all have our limits as humans.there ar certain levels of enduring pain xcept if u want to end up 6 feet below.

i cant love a man that wil hit me at every slightest provocation. we all have our choices


u allowed ur life experiences to pollute ur mentality on marriage when u were supposed to use them as lessons to guide u in ur own path.

marriage is meant to be enjoyed not endured.

i also grew up witout my dad .my mum loved my siblings more than me nd even made me serve them dispite being d eldest but it made me stronger nd wiser today.

my parents ar divorced but it dosnt change my mentality of settling for less. ur story is almost similar to mine but Even at that i stil believe there ar few good and responsible men out there.

Lol there are plenty few good responsible men oh. The thing I noticed in courtship is that most ladies prefer the bad Guys, they see the nice ones as weak and probably timid, they friend-zone the good guys and date the bad guys, 99.9999% of good men are always at the receiving end of the relationship and even when they decide to date or marry him they make his life a living hell.

Imagine a lady telling me "I am sorry I prefer us to be friends, I can't start a relationship with you cos your too nice to a fault, so nice to a fault that I prefer to look up to you as a brother". AHHHHHHHHHHH!, I died and woke up 7 times that evening. Another one told me that the relationship is boring because we don't quarrel about anything and I always let her have her way making her feel guilty, my sister make i stop here cos una matter plenty too(no disrespect intended to the good ladies oh).

ttymyluv:



Instinct or nature will teach us. but u funny bro!

Lol am happy at least that even tho there was a hidden message in what I said you understood that I was just being funny on purpose. Babyosisi took it the other way (smiles). Anyways what I said is still an option tho.

No one teaches a sailor what to do with the natives of a new land he discovers, that's why it's called exploration lol, adventure. Explore yourselves then the one you don't understand you ask the"professionals". Babyosisi no vex oh. Love you all and God make yall bigger.

ttymyluv:

babyosisi. i will so much appreciate it cos i knw nothing abt bedroom stuff.

I think it's better to just go into the bedroom and see how it goes from there. You can start by just starring at urselves embarrassingly like Adam and eve, 40 years later you will laugh at urselves when you remember ur first experience as couples.

Odillz:
Good evening my people .

Please I want to know if it's normal for me not to have feelings of wanting to see my mum after 6years?

Very normal, some don't even look forward to seeing any of em mum or dad forever especially if you grew up doing virtually everything for yourself with em still alive healthy and strong, make we no start lol else e no go finish.

I greet all the wonderful women and wives of this awesome thread. A pleasant evening to u all.

babyosisi:


Honestly
The latest marriage in my family was by a cousin to a man from adamawa or somewhere there,I guess after the one from my village almost killed that relative,things changed.
There was one relative that brought a man from Tiv,They almost disowned her and bluntly refused and she ran away and came back with belle and his whole family pleading for her hand before they agreed.
Today that man is one of the best inlaws in the family

you seeee? Life is all about risks, calculated and well managed. Don't take unnecessary risks tho.

Babyosisi I salute you oh.

Herzumpther:
Lol. If you don't kill me with laughter in this forum who will?

Eyah..maybe her destiny is tied to the west.

Lol that's why I laid out the 4 options for her, the case is tricky.

bigfrancis21:


http://www.wealthresult.com/2015/02/top-20-richest-musicians-in-nigeria-and.html

Lol see fake Forbes. You must be their accountant.

prissyluv:

Pls you are free to give out ur advice. I will appreciate it more if those my fears are tackled. Thanks dear
Buka...dear,I cant afford to end up unhappy. My life will be a mess. I know what am going through already talkless of ending with someone my heart doesnt beat for.
Pls address those my fears. Thanks.

Pls you are free to give out ur advice. I will appreciate it more if those my fears are tackled. Thanks dear

Hmmm okay most people fear "I won't have my parent's blessings if I go against their wish, they will cut me off or even curse me". Ehhhhhh I don hear but honestly I don't believe in all that balderdash. I learnt as early as a 13 year old that freedom comes with responsibility. You are responsible for the side of the divide you choose cos right now it's a kerosene/water situation you're in now. Here are the 4 possible outcomes.

1 You marry him in court damning the consequences and luckily marry the best man on earth.

2 You marry him in court damning the consequences and end up marrying the devil but you can't go back to ur parents now

3 You marry the man ur parents prefer and luckily marry the best man on earth.

4 You marry the man ur parents prefer and end up marrying the devil but can still escape back to ur parents.

My dear you must choose oh. Personally I follow my guts, prepare to take responsibility if the isshhhh hits the fan by having plan B,C,D and so on but we're two different people. Personally I go with option one. It's my life, I write my story, I can only be advised and guided by parents and elders but won't be coerced.

You could work with option 3 and 4 conservatively.

#runs out of thread through the window, peeps back in. Ladies am I safe to come in? (lol).

prissyluv:
I applaud all the capable hands here. You guys are really doing a great job!

My own problem/headache/confusion/depression is tribe and parental consent. I must admit that I got lots of advice from snazzylove thread about intending couples and couples but more is needed esp in regards to my fears below.

On 14th feb,my dad told me that i should forget the idea that he will give his consent to me marrying a benin man. He said it is very very impossible for him to do so,that he wont even give his consent at a gun point but on the other hand if I decide to elope with him that I am clearly on my own.
In my heart,I know this is the man I want to spend the rest of my life with but my parents actions are saying otherwise.

Now my fears and confusion:
1)If i leave this good man,how sure I am that another good and better men will come? And one who will treat me right.
2)When will that be?I found it also difficult to love.(my love goes off and on) I am also one who does not like sexual activities that much. Will I find that understanding man?
3)Wont I get to regret my actions of leaving a man I love becos of tribe in my later years? I am very impatience in nature,I am afraid I will pick the wrong guy down the lane.

You're at a crossroad now, you will have to decide between ur family and him. Trust me you don't want to hear or read my advice cos allot of people here will get it twisted so i'll leave you to decide.

Last bullet: You will be the one to live with who u marry not ur parents, they are not God. They have written their own marital book and now are writing urs. Okay nau.

Herzumpther:
Aunty babyosisi, my first question is HOW DO YOU KNOW HE IS THE ONE? I have this thing eating me up and I've been looking for who to talk to about it o. Its killing me inside.

Am gonna give you a honest advice, take a sheet of paper, draw two tables, on the right list all the things you love about him, on the left list all the things you don't like or hate about him. Cut off or tear off the right side of the table(the things you love about him) and toss it in a trash can. Now read all the things you don't like about him, when ur ask yourself, do i still love him with only these attributes, can i live with him if he only possessed these attributes? If your answer is yes then he is the man for you, if it's no then quit now while u still have the chance.

But seriously whatever happened to lawyers who take up cases like this for free? What's it called? Pro bono cases if am right. Some husbands need to pay for damages.

andromida:


Jesu! this is such a sad story.

It's actually bringing back memories I hate to remember, am just fighting for the kids, just factor em in when you decide to leave, God bless you all good women but may God punish the bad ones who abandon their kids to suffer in the hands of a man they couldn't stand or live with. Thank you.

ephee:


mojayo dear i know what marriage entails nd i can tell u i dnt nag nd i had to obey all he wanted for peace sake but instead i was taken for granted.i doubt if u can take a pinch of all d rubbish u took.


lemme give u some hints

i had to mix diesel and kerosene to cook coz he wanted d kerosene to last mind u am ashmatic but i obeyed.

he cant stand my baby crying coz it pisses him off to d xtend he spanked her hard at 2months

he dosnt allow me use d fridge to store foods coz he says d odor wil pollute d fridge

av got quite a lot of ridiculous tins i had to succumb to for peace sake but did d beatings stop? NO

hez been hitting me all tru pregnancy but i endured. i was taking care of the home despite not contributing financially instead he puts his money on bets and football while we go hungry.but i stil struggled nd made sure i took care of every bills and xpenses witout complaining.

i tried getting him a job but he said he dosnt like office work and if d pay is not up to 50k then he is not intrested.

to crown it up he lied he was an OND holder whereas he had only SSCE and forged results which was d reason he didnt want an office job coz he has nothing to bak it up sine results are always comfirmed but i stil stayed and encouraged him despite dat.


he is naturally violent,aggressive and proud.

who told u products of divorced kids also follows same trend.i know quite a lot of kids who are happily married nd waxing strong bcoz their parents mistake was a source of lesson for them and they ensured they neva repeat them in their own marriages.


i blive no matter d reason a man shouldnt raise up his finger on a woman rather he shuld walk away then com bak later. one way or d other they wil sort it out.


i blive i wil find a man that wil understand and love me for who i am. i am not perfect but i am peaceful nd patient. for d fact i went tru hell wit a man dosnt make me generalize that all men ar d same.there are still good and outstanding men out there.


if ur hubby hits u and u feel its wort the stay its entirely ur opinion.for d fact u have a good husband dosnt mean its by ur submission and obedience.ur hubby is only manly enough to handle u witout issues xcept if u ar lieing.

No sane person will support what u went through, good a thing u got ur daughter. I still maintain my stand that if woman must leave as last resort don't leave without the kids.

cococandy:
oh now he becomes honest.
You agree with the mojayo lady that it is her fault. She must be doing something that makes him beat her.

I give up.

"Children from divorced homes take marriage the way their parents do" according to yous.
So how do children from violent backgrounds see marriage as?

A peaceful Union?

Lol not agreeing in the context of fault in the context of survival, when eating with a devil use a long spoon meaning she shouldn't give him any reason to hit her by any chance at all. All am saying is this, "if you must walk out of the marriage, take your daughter" that's all I ask for.

MojAyo:
maybe u kept doing the same thing dat makes him to hit u,children brought up in a divorced home takes marraige d way their parents take it,and it continues going on like dat in d family,if its something u re doing dats nt good,dat makes him to beat u,u need to change and dance to his tunes,men just dnt necessarily beat up a woman for nothing,if d nagging of a thing can stop for once,then he will stop beating u,cos u never knw what kind of behavior d next man u will marry have

Is this coming from a woman? +100 likes for you, I tried in all my comments to stay away from these part of the advice so I don't sound biassed but good a thing you raised it.

@shiningmama I having this feeling in me that tells me you still have an ace and joker card you haven't played out yet, now is the time for you to play em, go to the drawing board and come up with a game plan, even without you being able to divulge info on ur husband's character(which I understand) well let's still look for solution. Make I go read ur thread now.

A pleasant morning all you wonderful ladies.

Flytefalls:

Perhaps there is a way she could leave with her children. I understand that in Nigeria this may be more problematic than in the west, but this is where threads such as these may present a solution she'd not thought of before.

"Solution" that's the word am about. Her walking out without the child ain't one. Thanks for understanding.

EfemenaXY:
Abeg, una goodnight.

Lol I never sleep, you wan leave me here.

ephee:




even at d berge of domestic violence nd abuse?
u stil feel a woman shuld endure?
wat happen if she gets beaten or strangled to death?
i am a survivor of domestic violence nd i am happy dat i walked out of d bondage called marriage wit my child and i took dat discision solely because i want live and take care of her.

my child was already gettin psychologically affected at 1yr 6 months by d beatings to the extend that if any of my neigbours or an outsider scolds their kids she starts screaming nd crying nd holding their legs so as to prevent them from beating their kids which is not their intention.

on my own part i was depressed nd sad.i lived each day in misery nd fear of being hit nd left in pains.

i am better today by God's loving grace nd av moved on. my daughter is growing happily.thanks to my mums support despite her harsh attitude towards me at times.

#saynotodomesticviolence#
#iamasurvivor#

Yes i thought about it but the case of the lady in question here is different, you could take your child but she has stated that her chances of taking her child on a scale of 1 to 10 is likely 0 zero that's the main reason why I find it hard supporting the idea of her walking out. If she (an adult can't survive the husband's abuse what makes anyone think her daughter will survive him? You get my point? Her daughter's life will even be worse if his girlfriend moves in and becomes a step mum, next we will see a thread here how a woman beat a step daughter to death. If she won't win custody of her daughter please don't advice her to leave.

Come on, someone should understand me nau(lol). This kitchen is getting hot lol.