₦airaland Forum

Oh Thank God! I'm the 37th person to comment. Thank God O!

To comment for nairaland these days na war o. Thank you jesus!

IYA NGBALI: No wonder you can't do more than a round,I pity you

One round no do you? Na 1000 rounds you want? You be Fork addict?

Tusky44: I don't give tip except am very impressed with the service rendered and i got spare change. Too much tip spoiled Nigeria

Word!

The most irritating aspect is that it is now so widespread that it is almost legal. Ask anyone that has any business of any sort with ministries or federal prastatals. i am sooooo disgusted that i cant even describe how rotten those institutions are. May God save naija

masterpiecer: i wouldn't say i'm a very generous person but i give tips on free will, mostly when the person offering the service is hospitable, i wouldn't mind giving a tip..., but what pisses me off most is when i'm been asked by someone(waiter, security guard, attendant, etc) to give a tip, i find it irritating and unproffesional, dont know whether its the nature of ones' job that makes one ask for tip, but sometimes cashiers in the bank does it too, though rarely.

Some jobs might be menial and the pay little but is it enough reason to ask for a tip? cos it does irritates me a lot and i mostly end up not giving such tips. would dat be cruel of me? does any1 else also find it irritating?

I share very similar sentiments with you on this. And sadly enough, it is the trend in naija. People as for tips for doing the same thing they were hired by their employees to do in the first place. like they are doing you a favour. Very very very very very disgusting attitude if you ask me. Worst culprits are the civil servants or federal parastatals. Jeez, those id.iots kinda compell you to give those tips by employing all sorts of frustrating tactics. Naija is really messed up!

J12: Petition the Inspector General of police.
The nigerian police force is a pathetic institution in dire need of help. Alot of our policemen are nothing but blood sucking devils who are not meant to entrusted with an easy murder weapon like a gun. They are uneducated, lack motivation, are corrupt, lawless and evil.
The earlier we begin to get rid of these evil men in black, the better for us.

God bless you sis

Odunnu: I dont doubt the story my dear. I am just asking for the full story. What led to the police arresting him. What happened?
Sorry about your loss though

Whatever happened in irrelevant here. Fact is that the police shot a man dead without any sane reason to.

@ oP, yOU CAN EVEN WEAR A MASK DURING THE VIDEO FOOTAGE.

@ OP, if you are not scared, go and put a video complain with full details and facts on You tube. Try as much as possible to embarras the NIgeria Police (the most useless and inefficient and ineffective police in the world. Perhaps that will ginger the police authorities to bring the culprit to book. Enough of these killings! Dem wan kill all of us ni? rEMEMBER, E FIT BE YOU O.

Naija, the nation that has been cursed right from the depths of the pit of hell. SMH

texazzpete: The explanation from the DPO makes no sense. You cannot shoot and kill an unarmed man just for trying to reverse and escape.

Naija police can kill anything whether armed or unarmed. The most pathetic thing is that when they are faced with armed robbers or armed robbery situation, they scamper for safety.

This reminds me of an incident in 2003 or 2004. i wnated to buy roasted corn and i had to wait for a few minutes before it was ready. Just beside the corn seller were seated 2 policemen and one told the other oh ha (i hear am with my 2 korokor ears ni no be say dem tell me) that he was scared of armed robbers and that may God not ever let him have to confront them. i was like WTF! Na me suppose dey go fight armed robbers

Naija is a nation cursed right from the depths of the pit of hell! sadly enough, there is no end in sight to ugly and depressing incidents like these. maybe if we learn our lesson to always elect the righ people into position of authority. Maybe, just maybe Naija will be a safer place for us all. SMH

[quote author=Kay-Dee]Lol !!!

...... in addition....


For those that will want to sit in the car while talking to Five-O, be sure to come down and open your boot yourself if they ask you to pop the trunk; don't just open it from the inside before them go tell you say them see gun for your boot. **true story from experience**[/quote]Haaa! true story. All motorists should please note the above warning.

I also had a nasty experience many years ago. We were stopped at a check point and the policemen requested to inspect the boot. The taxi driver just popped the trunk open and beckoned on the policeman to check for himself while he remained seated in the car. The policeman then dismissed us after a brief moment. When we eventually arrived our destination, one travelling bag was missing. And we didnt have any other stop before or after the checkpoint.

Naija Police? Na God go punish them.

@ Okija,
Nice one, I guess we were typing about the same time and yours made it to the thread first. I forgot to add NEVER RUN A CHECKPOINT. THE CONSEQUENCE MAY BE DEATH.

Enangson: You're late for that meeting. Is it okay to speed up a little? Let's see... nope. Now you're on the side of the highway, waiting for the cop to come down on you with questions about your license and registration. What should you do? How does someone deal with this?


1 Pull over immediately. Set your hazard lights on, turn off the radio, and then cut the engine. Roll down the window, and make sure both your hands and your passengers hands are visible.

2. Be sure to address the cop as"officer ." This shows respect.

3. Always tell the truth . Never claim you didn't do it (if you did), but remember that you have the right to remain silent.

4. Don't argue with the officer . Giving any reason for the officer to take interest in your case may actually encourage him to appear in court in offense (many defendants succeed in court because the witness officer is not present).

5. Don't admit anything. Often police ask if you know why you were stopped. Contrary to popular opinion, a really great reason for the violation does not help. Anything you say can be used against you as an admittance of guilt.

6. Contact a lawyer . If you fail any test and are charged, just remain silent and call a lawyer.



Tips

Be willing to cooperate. If you prove stubborn, the officer may find a reason to arrest you on the spot.

Keep your license and registration where you will know to find it. In the glove compartment or under the seat, as long as it doesn't take too long to retrieve it.

Be Forgettable. If you make a scene, the officer will likely document the incident in more detail that he would have otherwise. If you are planning on fighting the citation, you want the officer to remember as little about the stop as possible.

A policeman is only doing their job. If you're cooperative they're more then likely cut you a break.

Warnings
:
Running away or attacking the police officer never helps. It will ALWAYS make your load heavier, in legalized ways.

As many other posters have said, this DOES NOT APPLY IN NAIJA.

For how to handle police in naija, this is the procedure:
1. Always ensure that all your vehicle particulars are complete and up to date. This is because if a single particular isnt up to date, na trouble and being the opportunists that those maggots(police) are, they will exploit that opportunity to the max. So the rule here is do not give them the opening. Vehicle particulars include valid vehicle license, ECMR, Road worthiness certificate, Insurance cover (either comprehensive package or third party at the minimum,and a valid drivers license.
2. Also have a fire extinguisher and Caution symbol.

In the event that you do not have any of these afore mentioned items and the policeman detects, then remain calm and pretend that you are noticing that for the first time. And please note, even if you are already running late for an appointment with Jonathan, do not portray such by your actions. Never let them detect you are in a hurry. Let substantial time elapse (min of 30 mins) before you approach them with your bribe. I recommend you start with N200 and then you might increase if you feel the need to cos those guys dey craze gaan sometimes.

If you are the outgoing or jovial type, your inter personal skills will come in handy in situations like these but for me, I will not attempt to engage the murrraforkers in any humour of any sort. I feel it is assss licking in its purest form. But whatever the case, try as much as you can to avoid them taking your vehicle to their station. This was a mistake i made with some bas.tard OFFICIALS OF MUSHIN LOCAL GOVERNMENT LAST XMAS. that is story for another day.

Goodluck motorists. Fork safely. Sorry drive safely.

El Guapo: [color=#0066ff]1. Always calls you to find out how you day is going. [Sure Thing]

2. Will feel terrible when he forgets your birthday or anniversary and will always make it up to you.

3. Surprises you with gifts, even when the occasion is not special.

4. Tells you regularly that he loves you.

5. Knows how to make love to you. [Oshe]

6. Knows how to caress, hug, kiss and fulfill your heart’s romantic desires.

7. Feels your pain when you go through hard times.

8. Loves to see you happy and rejoices with you.

9. Always makes quality time to spend with you.

10. Will never physically or emotionally abuse you.

11. Will marry you without waiting too long.

12. Will forgive and forget when you apologize for hurting his feelings.

13. Will not use your weaknesses or secrets against you.

14. Will not air your dirty laundry.

15. Is patient and willing to work on your relationship problems.

16. Knows that it is important for you to spend time with your friends and family members.

17. Will not cheat on you. [So help me God]

18. Will not flirt with your girlfriends to the point of annoying you. [So help me God]

19. Will not go out of his way to make you jealous.

20. Will always respect you in the presence of his friends and family members.

21. Always helps you with chores around the house. [If i don't have Stubbed Fingers]

22. Enjoys the company of your family and friends.

23. Supports your dreams and ambitions.

24. Never puts you down when talking to you.

25. Cares a great deal about your thoughts, feelings and opinions.

26. Is always available to help when you need him.

27. Knows that his way is not the only way. [/color]

Heys Ogbeni,
I am sure these are traits ladies of other nationalities desire and not NAIJA chics?

As for naija chics, their ideal (loving) man only needs to have one trait and that is he's got to be stinkingly rich. That is all.

As I go dye the comedian talk for Rhtyhm unplugged say naija chics dey always complain say dem no dey cummm anytime they fork. Say those kind chics dey ALWAYS cummm if you drop $30K on their naked thighs.

Those are NAIJA chics for you.

Naija is not only a sick nation, but it has been cursed from the depths of the pit of HELL.

Questions:
1. How many laws which can be said to better the lot of the common man were passed in Yr 2012? Meanwhile, they had 107 plenary sessions.
2. For crying out loud, there are 365 days in a year and these clowns only worked for 107 and eneded up being paid Billions When you earn the kind of drug money those id.iots earn, you should work 365 days in a year! No rest, no nothing. Just work!
3. What actually can we describe as these people's PRACTICAL relevance to the welfare of the Nigerian state? Oh yes! apart from chasing all those Abuja ashees all over the place.
4. Why wouldn't anybody kill to become a Rep? You work for 107 days in a year, show no tangible results for the number of days worked in the year, chase and fork the choicest chics in Nigeria, and end up getting paid billions of naira for doing all these?

Oh God, please get me out of this terminally ill nation and take me to a developed countr.

donofdons: Hear me oh mankind .Verily i say unto you, On the 666 or 6666 or 66666 or 666666 or 6666666 night of exhumation, the children of lucifer the bright star shall rise with great powers and the the sons of men shall be attacked enmasse with powers never seen since the time of nimrod.....the queen of the coast shall attack with all the powers...baphomet the goat headed demon together with beelzebul the damned one,shall rise from the dark pits where he lies whispering into the heart of mankind and flooding the children of men with terror. One that day, man will understand the greatness of his lord and on the 12th day, the reign of light would be over and mankind will for ever be in chains untill the second coming of the son of man. This is my revolation to you all. Prepare for the lesser desent of the first horseman from the bible on the 21st december. He would unlease disease but the world would not end yet

wetin dis one dey yarn abeg?

Mtscheeeeeew!

Siena: Come on, Ope! Would you rather tell a blatant lie, and say all's well with Nigeria? When did telling the truth count as negative? If you want Nigeria to have the slimmest hope of recovery, then the first thing to do is admit she's messed up, list ALL the negatives, of which there are many.

If you don't admit the bad and ugly, how do you expect to work on them? The first route to recovery is admitting there are problems, otherwise you might as well say Nigeria's excellent, and live with all the issues people whine about daily.

Don't mind her bro. She is one of the major problems we have in naija. When and where every single thing is upside down but she and other like minded (pls no offence but I can't find a better word) lunatics keep saying all is well. SMH

Miss Ope: Sharrap.... If u have nothing positive to say.....
and the same goes to others saying NEGATIVE THINGS bout ur country...u're wat u say....If Nigeria is Cursed U're cursed as well ....i Nigeria is blessed U're Blessed........... If one day I encounter u And call u a mad man or woman.... U'll slap D living day lights out of me but u've forgotten dat by indirectly cursing ur nation u've cursed urself.....BE CAREFUL wat u wish for urself.

Babe. Naija is not just cursed o, it is cursed right from the depths of the pit of hell. Pls note

A country that has been cursed right from the depths of the pit of HELL.

A country wey no fit better again for life.

A country with the most sentimental and dumbest citizens in the world.(Or how else can one explain how the fork a goooon like Jona became an elected president?)

All dat one still better. D one wey concern me na...

A country where the average girl ofers her pussssy for money. Either directly or indirectly. SMH

Oh Bishop! May God bles u for this. We don shout for dat clueless and idio.tic jona tire for nairaland.The guy no just send us. Thank u for seizing the opportunity you have to put it in his forking face. God bless you Bishop.

BasseyJ: Hi, Mr Siena and other guru's in the Auto section, i drive with one hand, i actually taught myself to drive, at times when i'm driving Elder ones, i ''use'' both hands, but not really sha, my left hand does nothing, it just holds the steering for show, if i attempt to steer with both hands, the car wont be steady and would 'swerve'. My question is, is it a bad way of driving?? And how do i change it. Also, i use both legs when driving automatic, one for the brakes and one for accerelation, is there any harm in doing it?
Thanks

LMAO. Pls no offence.

I will recommend you enrol at the nearest driving school to you or you get an able instructor to put you thru driving as you dont know nada about driving.

First of, steering should ideally be done with both hands. So for you to complain that your car swerves when you steer with both hands indicates that you still havent grasped fully the basics of driving.

Second, you drive an automatic car with both legs??

I didnt go for the show but all those that went should report to the nearest MOPOL station for thorough flogging for falling mugu. The pointers to a poor show were all over the place but should i say that they were just blind or they just chose to clique IGNORE?

BASKETMOUTH alone or with BOVI would have sufficed as the hosts. Why Idris Elba? Who he be sef? Na from where he dey come?Foreign acts Hosting a show in naija and performing at a concert in naija are two different ball games and that explains why Chris brown's show was a success but Idris Abdulkareem (abi na wetin be hin name again) flopped.

Then the venue. I asked around if anyone had been to a show organised at Eko atlantic and I couldnt get a definite response. I even learnt that the venue is only a few weeks old. This was another red flag for me.

Then who the fork is pusha t or big sean? Na wa o. I felt like slapping the idio.tic organizers for thinking I would be wowed and anxious to pay 5k to go watch Pusha T and Big sean. For wetin na? Give me Knaye, then maybe I'll consider.

My sympathies to all those that had a feel of what the Isrealites experienced in their journey thru the desert. E pele o.

Next time make una sharp up. PEACE

My worst sporting moment for the year 2012 was during a forking finals wit one of my chics and my deak went on strike midway into the match. To worsen issues, my paddy was hidin and watched the whole show. But no b my fault o. I no well dat day but I just wan use agidi ni and men I paid for it dearly.

My best moment in sports in year 2012 was during the real finals wit the same chic above and how she cummed powerfuly while the same paddy of mine was in hiding. Dat was how I claimed my title as the World Forking Champion. What a year!

Abeg wetin be the purpose of dis kin thread?

Is it to discourage us from freestyle forking?

Cos men, that condom tin na very long tin o

maxibrainz: I have lived in Benue more than 17years now and am still in Benue, .....

Then u are HIV positive bro

I am now so convinced that naija has been cursed right from the pit of hell.

I am also very much convinced that naija no fit better for ever.

2015 is round the corner and some maggots still hope to return dis GEJ clown?

Everybody knows that we urgently need to fight corruption in this nation of ours and the best way to go about it is to start from the top by electing disciplined rulers into office but sentiment, fear of the consequences of what corrupt citizens will face, greed of the ruling class will never let this happen.

Now I finally give up on the entity called naija. If i had my way, this id.iotic, greedy and possessed minister if found guilty as charged should be executed. No wonder about the kind of role he played during that subsidy saga.

BTW where is that bas.tard called Beef? abi na wetin be hin name again?

Abyjah: Burnaboy doing good for himself. I like to party aswell.
That's that about the dude.

Anyways, let's talk about Jesus.

You know He got people drunk at the wedding at Canaan of Galilee? Well, now you do!

Are you insane? Cos you sure sound like you are.

This post is about Burna boy or whatever he is called and not jesus. So why bring jesus into this?

Ellashow: And from whose post did u quote ur 'giant of africa' phrase from?
That shows ur level of understanding....#outta here#

O jebi. You for sleep here

I am sure those women will be doing many other things than just guarding their bosses.

Aye ni olowo ma je ku

Ellashow: Dnt get it wrong bro, we Nigerians knows the hard truth dis Ghanian are trying 2 portray here but Petrodollar or whateva he called himself and his fellow countrymen should stop painting Ghana as Heaven 4 us because we also knw their flaws 2.
Why do they like 2 turn every dabates here 2 political or economy war front. What I sense here is inferiority complex because they dnt want 2 accept certain area where Nigeria is better than them.

I said in my post that I am not trying to make any comparisons between Naija and ghana. Now read the last sentence in your post. I repeat, I am not trying to make any comparisons between ghana and naija. My point is, most (if not all) of the ills that petrodollar guy said about Naija are true. simple.

And also, from this point on, let me not hear anybody refer to naija as the giant of africa otherwise the result will be a show of shame of nigeria, by nigerians on a forking nigerian site.

Giant of africa ko, ant of africa ni. Mtscheeeeeew1

PetroDolla: Don’t mind them o jare! You are welcome to visit Ghana any day.

Most of these eediots with a brain of a fish have never even stepped outside Nigeria in their miserable lives. All they hear is the half-truths and propaganda their incompetent, clueless and corrupt officials tell them.

So while the rest of the world is busy making progress, creating a better system for their people, nigerians are happy with surviving on less than $2 a day, even when about 2.4 million barrels of oil are exported daily. That’s enough reason for a violent revolution in other climes. But what do we see? Imbeciles who have turned themselves into talkative and moaners!

Just look at the UN Human Development Indices and you will weep for your dustbin country!
Do you know why I am not afraid to stand up to any Nigerian? Simple! If you tell me one thing that is wrong with the Ghanaian society, I will give you five examples of the wrongs in your country! Whatever imperfections you see in Ghana, multiply it by 20 and you get what is obtainable in nigeria. It is as simple as that.

In Ghana, we have our own developmental challenges. The difference between us and you is that we accept our shortcomings and work hard to fix them. Our leaders are not saints, but they try their best to deliver good things for their people. Today, when I drive out on the streets of Accra, I see lots of road construction projects going on and that makes me very happy. I see lots of big structures going up. In the East Legon area where I live, a massive road construction project is ongoing. The current NDC govt, whether it is reelected on Friday or not, can at least boast that it tried to improve infrastructure and no one can fault that. And if the NPP is elected, they have promised to provide free secondary education. So you can see Ghana is on the road to somewhere. In five years time, you’ll be amazed at what we would have achieved.

I hope you can say the same about your country. Indeed I hope there will still be a country called nigeria 5 years from now.

Fellow Nigerians,
Any and everything about Naija is all hype and zero substance. Our quality of life is very much disproportionate to our wealth and we all know why. as much as I hate to admit, this petrodollar guy speaks some hard truth about nigerians and our situation. I am not comparing Naija with Ghana in any thing but please spare me the 'Naija is the giant of africa' buulsheet.
Until we rid our beloved nation of corruption and corrupt politicians we are on a loooooooooooooong thing.