₦airaland Forum

Omo men, naija is a lost cause. I give up.

****Fork addict will not fork for the next 2 straight weeks as a demonstaration of his frustration at the hopelessness of the Nigerian state*****


See you guys in yr 2015. Insha Allah

To everybody that was directly or indirectly responsible for imposing this curse (GEJ) on Naija, may you all be CURSED!


Better people dey there una no use una brain vote for them. Una con dey make person suffer. God go judge all of una!

Abeg na when dis tin go reach naija?

Chineke! imagine forking every pussssy available skin to skin. Ojigbijigbijigbijigbijigbi

Unknown Member: I wonder what exactly would be in their test questions for which they would need to cheat.


Question 1 (20 Marks)

You are at a checkpoint in Maidugiri when a trailer arrives. The driver is obviously underage, has no particulars, is drunk and does not have money to settle. What would you do?!

Answer: shout Shege damburuba! Come down now!! Ubanka!! dash him 2 standard military spec slaps, flog him 24 strokes with government issue koboko, make him do frog jump, kneel him down under the sun for 2 hours, make him roll in the mud and if he tries to run, cork my AK-47 and shoot him in the head, then plant evidence on him and call him a Boko Haram insurgent.

Chikina!

@ ALL,

Abeg sometimes e no good to dey chop dey browse NL at the same time o. I nearly choke as i read dis post o. a word is enough for the wise.

Acidosis: exactly, we need to know his age before castigating...

I bet some top government officials cannot do a copy and paste work on a computer...
This is the reason they employ people and then appoint them to different posts..

We don't expect this man to sit behind a computer going through the web pages to see who is online and stuffs like that..
There are people assigned for the job so if channels is so concern about the website.. They should have asked google, or better still invite the computer scientist or the web administrator of Civil dedence.

And your point is His ignorance is excusable? Or just waht the fork are you trying to say?

@ ALL.
THIS IS NOT THE COMMANDANT OF THE NSCDC. THE COMMANDANT (OR IS IT COMPTROLLER GENERAL?) IS ONE SOFT SPOKEN YARADUA LOOK ALIKE. PITY I CANT REMEMBER HIS NAME AT THE MOMENT. PLEASE NOTE BRFORE UNA TURN NAIRALAND TO HOUSE OF MISINFORMATION

Dem for no stop dem na. dem for let them fight. whether na the pusssssy juice wey dem drink the night before dey shaq dem. Bunch of crude, uncivil things!

SPIFF: 10: Every atom of our body is said to be billions of years old and our body is 70 percent water.

9: By the age of 18, the human brains stop growing. It even begins to lose more than 1,000 brain cells after such age. Your brain comprises only 2 percent of your body weight but uses up to 20 percent of your body’s energy. Your brain never takes a break even when you are sleeping; the brain is busy working to replenish the brain processes needed to function normally while awake.

8: An average human produces 10,000 gallons of saliva in a lifetime.

7: It is impossible to sneeze without blinking your eyes. The highest recorded speed of a human sneeze is 165 kilometer per hour.

6: The human body sheds about 40 pounds of skin in a lifetime. Our skin produces antibacterial chemicals to keep germs at a bay. It also produces antimicrobial peptides that protect the body from infection.

5: You can’t swallow and breathe at the same time; however babies can do this but until they are about nine months.

4: Yawning helps you cool your brain. It is an involuntary behavior. When you yawn, the influx of cool air may ventilate your sinuses and facilitate brain cooling.

3: Your heart is said to beat nearly 3 billion times if you live an average life span of seventy years.

2: Your lungs need a lot of breathing room. The total surface area of the lungs is approximately equal to the size of a tennis court.

1: Each person has a unique tongue print just like the fingerprints.


http://factsnmyths.com/facts-about-human-body

@ OP, you talk about heart, you talk about lungs, you talk about brain, you talk about tongue but you no gree talk about deak and pusssssy o. Abeg carry your nonsense post commot for here jare!



Meanwhile I be number 51 to comment. Shey i dey progress ni abi i dey fork up? abeg help me ask nairaland

yoged: are you m.a.d.? U see ur mate here. Mumu. You beta go ur jamb lesson jere.

1st of all (Go down low) Na you dey m.a.d
2nd of all, forget say we dey block for nairaland. Na me wit your pa.pa be mates.
3rd of all did i hear you say jamb lesson? I no sure say dem don born you wen i wite my jamb. id.iot

Abeg if to say i dey stay near dat area and i dey fork my chick jeje. And na wen i wan cummmm na im bomb blow. abeg if na you wetin you go do? Shey you go cummmm first ni before you take cover abi you go take cover immediately you hear GBOSA!

tomakint: Meaning? If they like let them all join APC, all I know is, Jonathan will still hold forte come 2015

iT'S People like you that make me sick and give up the little hope I have for Naija rising again.

For God's sake what the fork have you benefitted from the 4 yrs Jona will be out Presido? And to think that you intend to impose him on us again come 2015 for another 4 yrs?

Oh Lord, please come and deliver dis country.

Ope o, meanwhile I'm number 20 to comment. e no easy. I will soon get there

[quote author=ger_gemam]Pulmonary embolism (PE) is a blockage of
the main artery of the lung or one of its
branches by a substance that has travelled
from elsewhere in the body through the
bloodstream ( embolism). PE most commonly
results from deep vein thrombosis (a blood
clot in the deep veins of the legs or pelvis)
that breaks off and migrates to the lung, a
process termed venous thromboembolism
(VTE). A small proportion of cases are due to
the embolization of air, fat, talc in drugs of
intravenous drug abusers or amniotic fluid.
The obstruction of the blood flow through
the lungs and the resultant pressure on the
right ventricle of the heart lead to the
symptoms and signs of PE. The risk of PE is
increased in various situations, such as
cancer or prolonged bed rest.[1]
Symptoms of pulmonary embolism include
difficulty breathing, chest pain on
inspiration, and palpitations. Clinical signs
include low blood oxygen saturation and
cyanosis, rapid breathing, and a rapid heart
rate. Severe cases of PE can lead to collapse,
abnormally low blood pressure, and sudden
death.

Cuddle from: en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pulmonary_embolism[/quote]Oga, the acronym PE stands for Premature Ejaculationn in all the litrature I know of. why are you trying to adapt it to pulmonary embolism?

amor4ce: i haven't seen a Nairaland thread that has generated traffic as quickly as this, and it is possible that many of those who threw stones at her during and after her BBA performance are among those viewing and commenting 'RIP'. let us learn not to engage in hypocrisy.

It never was my intention to comment on this thread until i bumped into this asinine post of yours. so because I threw stones at her during the past BBa I shouldnt view this thread? Or I shouldn't pray that her soul rests in peace? You are soooo immature and child like in your reasoning. Mtscheeeew!

RIP GOLDIE.

@ amor4ce or whatever the fork your disgusting name is, You choke on that!

[quote author=kj_hova]You responded well to @fork_addict. However, i will like to also add, for both of you guy's consideration, that Mr. Shuaibu Ahmodu remains the most decorated Nigerian manager of all times till maybe Stephen Keshi. His honours include: winning 2 CAF Cup Winners Cups, winning the fore-runner of today's MTN-8 Cup with Mamelodi Sundowns, qualification for AFCONs 2002 & 2010 as well as FIFA World Cups 2002 & 2010, 3rd place in both AFCONs attended loosing to Senegal and Ghana in the semis (suffice to say that both countries subsequently went on to reach the quarter finals in both FIFA WC!!

If these achievements doesn't represent success to anyone reading this, i'd suggest you post your personal achievements in life herein before rendering an opposite response to my conclusion that Mr. Ahmodu is a TACTICALLY and TECHNICALLY gifted manager who we have all conspired to dehumanize unfairly![/quote]LMAO! this is thej joke of the year.

First of, coaching the national team is a very different ball game than coaching a local club. so all that 2000 cup winners cup and 1000 MTN-8 cup, make he put am for him pocket. I will base my argument on his tenures as the coach of the national team.

I vehemently disagree with the content of the last paragraph in your post. ahmodu coached the eagles at a time when we had lots and lots of foreign based players such that even an ardent soccer enthusiast (I'm not even talking about a certified coach here) would have achieved at least the same results ahmodu achieved while he was the super eagles coach. to further burtress my point, mention just 3 games that werent going our way but which Ahmodu using his technical know how was able to turn around in our favour. i need you to mention just 3 out of the thousands of games the eagles played. My point is whatever we achieved while ahmodu was coach of the super eagles was largely attributed to the players we had.

second, Ahmodu kept on inviting the same set of players. No creativity in his list of invitees at any point in time. Just the same set of big boys that felt they could hold the nation to ransom whenever they felt like it. He never gave the home based players a chance. Mind you, i have always belonged to the school of thought that supported giving the local league players a shot at the national teams. Not because Keshi didt it and succeeded now o.

Ahmodu couldnt instill indiscipline into the ranks of the players. They disrespected him at will, they never played any game as if anything was at stake. Under ahmodu, every single match was a friendly as far as the super eagles were concerned. Ahmodu was everys takeholder in Nigerian football's toy. from the players to the corrupt and clueless and incompetent things at NFF, to the sports ministry, ahmodu unlike Keshi never asserted himself at any one instance. all he did was to lick NFF officials' ass in fact let me not say anymore abeg. ahmodu was a big joke. The most disgusting part of the whole saga was to think that NFF felt they had no choice other than ahmodu SMH.

otipoju: - I am definitely not trying to potray Amodu as a fantastic and very technically sound coach. In fact have my very strong reservations about his mettle as a coach.But I will never hold him in contempt.Fact remains that he was unfairly treated by not being allowed to reap the fruit of his labour and hurts more when his replacements were "baroof". Observe Keshi's stance He is against bringing "carpenter"coaches who have no track record of acheivement and have no intention to develop the local players to come and coach the giant of Africa.He believes we deserve better. Bring in a world class coach like Mourinho,Guardiola,Hiddink, Wenger or Sir Alex,Arigo Sachi or Scolari and Keshi will be glad to be an assistant because working with any of those guys will add value to him as a coach. Employing a foreign coach has become an avenue for NFF officials to siphon money by getting their own cut from the astronomical salary they will never offer a nigerian coach.

Now i get the message you were trying to pass across and i agree with you 1000000000000000000000000000%. take care bro

bollybees: Unilag graduated 118 and so what? OAU graduated 78 at their last convocation.

Let me make cases for our record numbers of first class graduates.

Fact 1: Seriously, guys there is a difference between an urban university and others. It is self-evident that an urban university like University of Lagos attracts the best students from best secondary schools and polytechnics in the country which are obviously in Lagos, the centre of excellence.
The best students from your secondary school is in Unilag...Second best go for village schools. #SMH

Fact 2: Your universities do not encourage first class students as much as Unilag does. In case you will never hear it in the news.
•The school cares about first class students so much that it fondly refers to them as SCHOLARS.
•The school gives #50,000 as endowment scholarship to students on first class CGPA every session.
•The school gives 50% rebate on the price for bed space for hostels.
•These students are allocated the best hostels in school.

Fact 3: Number of students you find in Unilag Library is more than the ones you find in clubs...The media deceive most people outside unilag with the social status of students...In fact, no school is as religious as Unilag...every known church in Nigeria has a christian fellowship in school...something to laugh about: There are three RCCG fellowship on campus.

Fact 4: 95% of Unilag hostel are wi-fi enabled. There is so much resources to use, that you can't give excuse to make even a second class division.

Fact 5: Whatever you say...according to JAMB, Unilag is the most preferred tertiary institution in the country.

Fact 6: OAU will never get it...It's a village school. The day you admit that, you will be ready to...

Learn from Unilag...
Greatest Akokities!

I can only make one conclusion from your post and that is you have never been to other First generation universities to study hence Unilag to you being the alpha and Omega of tertiary education in Naija.

Fallacy 1: according to the trash you cited as fact number one in your post, other first generation universities are what? Non urdan unis? I guess you must be working in the Fed min of Education for you to know that the best secondary schools in the country are in lagos. Dude, you are mistaking quantity for QUALITY. lagos might have the highest number of secondary schools in the country but I disagree that the best secondary schools are in lag. unless you provide valid and credible evidence to prove otherwise, please hold your peace.

I just might agree that your fact#2 encourages students to make 1st class cgpa but then for 118 to make 1st class degerees? Guy your school is making a mockery of the 1st class degree.

Fallacy #3: Here, you try to provide a direct relationship (where there is none actually) between the number of students found in a school library at any point in time or the number of religious students with the number of students that make 1st class degress. This is inconclusive cos while i was in school, i Knew many students who virtually had the school library as their hall of residence and at the end of the day, they couldnt even graduate with a 2:1. so what are you saying?

fallacy #4: Wifi no be new thing guy. many schools have that in abundance.

Fallacy number 5: How will Unilag not be the most preferred University in naija when most ladies believe that Unilag studentship will improve your social status and will enhance your chances of hooking aristos. My point is that students preferring Unilag to other institutions might be attributable to a wide variety of reasons e.g wannabe music stars, models, even drug courriers (and they are not in small numbers) will want to school in Unilag so that they can conveniently combine their education with their hustling. students preffering Unilag to other Unis in the country has very little to do with academic excellence.

Fallacy number 6: I dont know much about OAU cos I've only been their briefly. Besides it's an unfair comparison you made by comparing Unilag with OAU based on geographical location. Why not compare Unilag with another school located in a metropolitan area e.g UI? then I may respond to this in detail.

FYI. I repeat that first class is reserved for geniuses. I recommend 0.1% of any school's student population. But if we consider the ready availability and abundance of knowledge, a handful of other students may struggle to make the grade. Let's say that these other students constitute 0.4% or more liberally speaking, 0.9%. My argument is considering all factors in totality, the population of students that may graduate with 1st class in any Naija Uni should not be in excess of 1%.

All of us know say Unilag na BUSINESS CENTRE na. their certificate na 3 for ten naira! No be beef! Go Figure!

Na wa o. I be number 25 person to comment. abeg all of una wey dey enter number 1 to 10, na Nairaland una dey sleep?


Meanwhile @ OP, all na wash abegi!

ceejay80s: FEDERAL REPUBLIC OF CORRUPTION the colour of of our flag should be RED, BLACK, RED coat of arm horse should have a gun and the eagle should have a sack of looting money

I love you man. No homo. Naija is a HOPELESS situation and SHALL ALWAYS remain so if nothing is done about corruption. Funny enough, some maggots do not see anything wrong about nigeria. what a shame!

otipoju: Two times Amodu qualified nigeria for the world cup. The first was Korea Japan 2002, after Bonfere jo abandoned what seemed a hopeless situaition during the qualifiers.We disbanded a whole national team and called them "tired legs" doing away with a wealth of experience in Finidi, Oliseh, Tijani etc. Eventually we hired an Onigbinde whose players the great Taribo west described as "Junk players". We are just recovering from the consequences of that descision..Amodu again qualified for south africa 2010 and we decided to axe him and bring a lagerback who collected a huge sum of money and did not go beyond the first round.Like Bora militunovic in 1998 he did not even bother to return with the team to Nigeria. Keshi witnessed all these at close quarters and naturally would cringe in horror when he found out that his own FA had typed his sack letter and booked a return flight expecting him to lose against Cotedevoire. If he decides to resign, it would be the honorable thing to do. As most nigerian football fans are impatient and support their own team only when the going is good.( Yet we support Arsenal and Chelsea week in week out win or lose). Many envious journalists have this "pull him down at all costs" syndrome,and are incapable of an objective analyses of issues . There are trigger happy and kleptomaniac federation officials who will sacrifice any coach on the altar of convenience in spite of pledging their support for him publicly... Its not easy to coach Nigeria.Stephen Keshi the Big Boss I doff my hat for you. Respect.

I'm not sure i got the point you were trying to pass across in your post but i'll try to make as much sense of it as i can. If you are trying to emphasise the cluelessness, gross incompetence and corrupt character of our NFF officials, displayed by their going back and forth with the nation's football management by hiring and firing Ahmodu at will, then i agree with you 100%. I also agree with you that Keshi has successfully navigated a very difficult terrain by managing those id.iotic so called football administrators and helping us to win the AFCON after 19 yrs. However if you were trying to potray ahmodu as a good coach, FA FA FA FOUL. I dont want to dig up ahmodu's list of countless trangressions when he was the coach of the national team cos I am not sure you were trying to convince us he was a good coach. But if you were and you confirm it, then I'll be back with ahmodu's head on a plastic plate.

**** I have as much contempt for Ahmodu as i have for Berti Vogts, lars lagerbak, Bora Milutiwhatever.***

Good thing he rescinded his decision to quit the job.

But NFF is just a subset of Nigeria where idio.tic and clueless clowns are in charge of affairs. Why cant we have an overhaul of that house of corruption called nff? they just run the nations football any how they deem fit and the sad thing is that they ALWAYS get away with it. This country is dooomed. Fork it!

By the way, thank God for me o. I am the 75th person to comment. e no easy

bodunde: LAGOS AIRPORT HOTEL SWIMMING POOL, ALWAYS WONDERFUL PLACE TO BE ON VALENTINE (IKEJA)

WTF! AS IN WTF!

That dirty pool? I have vowed not to go swim there no more. The forking pool makes me sick. Too dirty for words. Na im you dey hype for here? SMH

[quote author=Ejiné]Fooooorrrrrrrk Addiiiiiiiiccccctttt!
Longest time! [/quote]Ma men. hwdy?

doctokwus: How can anybody hail dis decision.Everything African is always associated wt a "comma".If CAF is so interested in correctin d ref's so called wrongs,y av dey not also banned dat Burkinabe defender dat struck out his leg against Asamoah Gyan,an act alone dat was not only deserving of a redcard but @least 3match suspension frm all international matches,yet d same referee gave him only a yellow card!Refereein errors are part of d issues evn in d modern game,most associations allow d error to stand while sanctioning d referee.But in dis case CAF has selectively choosen whc of d decisions to overturn& which to ignore.Rubbish x2

You made very valid points.

maclatunji: Exactly my point, after the game against Zambia, they had not yet failed. Many wrote them off. Now, it is the reverse, they have not played the final, people are declaring them winners already.

People should learn to put things in proper perspective. Yes, be confident and support your team but respect your opponents and know that defeat is a possible outcome if you fail to perform on the day.

You should appreciate a few facts:
1. when we clashed against Burkina in the group stages, that was our first match. one would expect a draw ordinarily cos the tempo builds up as the competition progresses. That apart, if not for loss of concentration, we would have won that game by a goal to nil.
2. The super eagles kept upping their game with each match as can be depicted in the scorelines 1:1 in our first game, 1:1 again in our second game, 2:0 in the third 2:1 in the fourth (and this one na because Ivory coast no be beans) and 4:1 in the fifth game. So dude, it's only normal for nigerians to expect a win from the super eagles.
3. Naija's soccer pedigree will be brought to bear fully on the Burkinabes.
4. Having come this far, do you really think its a non soccer nation like Burkina faso that will stop us now? I was even more scared for us to meet Ghana cos if it were a Ghana-Nigeria final, E no sure for us. But BurkinaMtschew abegi leave story.
5. Then we gat TB Joshua. Do they have TB Joshua? LOL

Ethiopia abi na Pitriopia abi na wetin be dat hin name again, whether he play abi he no play, na chop we go chop Burkina faso dat day.

In fact if to say na me be keshi, na 9 players i go field. burkina bawo? Dem no get respect ni?

BTW, thank God o. na me be d 58th person to comment. Thank you Jesus. My record don dey improve.

I am not sure I have a celebrity crush cos that suggests you have tender feelings for the person even if its not love. I only feel LUST for some celebrities and they are:
1. Khloe and Kim kardashian: Both of thenm together and also individually
2. Ini Edo but only say she don fat up anyanyhow
3. Tonto Dike: Make i even see why guys wan die on top her toto
4. Lilian bach: Those lips wrapped aroung my deak aawwwww!

Abeg make una free me jor. My deak don dey hard

Victor Moses of course.

By the way these super eagles just dey totori my belle men.


E don tey wey dem make me happy like dis.

Keshi, when you enter lag wit the cup ehn, just holla me make i supply you wit 10 chics wey you go fork for one night.

So nobody fit mention church for here?

SMH...

Oh Lord, Pls forgive them for they know not what they do.

Just 30k for 3 months + food + house?

My people, make una check am na, the package no fresh.

The package for over fresh if to say dangote give the trainee drivers woman wey dem go dey fork join.