Maybe her priorities are spot on. Look after her future.

The man is a fool. That he can throw aside a Vow made to God for a hairstyle.

Then only acceptable reason for a person to divorce in the bible is because of adultery and then only if the injured person is hurt and unable to forgive. This is the only terms on which a person is free to remarry.

A divorce for any other reason is not binding in Gods eyes and is therefore to remarry after is to commit spiritual adultery.

Again he is a FOOL.

What if he stops being such and stops saying do this, do that. I am master of this house, you do as I say. What if he is kind and doesn't make stupid demands. Maybe then she will care what he thinks and will want to please him, I wonder,

Answer me truthfully.

If she doesn't bring forth a child will her Naija man stay with her or will he plant his seed around until one takes then cast her aside?

Maybe he will stay true to her for a while but in the end he will want a child and he will move on.

She is best to use her time now to make sure she can support herself when she is alone again.

Also many men from other countries are not like Naija men and wont throw away love because of no child.

It is always blamed on the woman if a child doesn't come. I say go and take this opportunity and if the man can further himself as well all good.

You Go Girl

When it is good it is wonderful. When it goes bad it is beyond horrible.

I think Marriage is no longer given the respect it deserves. Why must woman always be messing with other woman's husbands. What has happened so that a husband doesn't even have to look outside the marriage because some dirty hoebag is already sliding inside to your house and life to use him up. Of course the younger unused woman will be sexier. She will also issue promises cause she thinks you will be rich and give her what she wants.

I realize I am just naive but I never saw this coming. That everywhere my husband and I went women were introducing themselves and making hints. At first it was just embarrassing then it started to turn his head.

Well he has gone off now with some younger woman who is full of promises. I hope he will find contentment but I suspect he wont.

If a couple can be left alone to work out there issues or as was earlier stated given the support of family then things can be fixed. But in a society where you expect to have everything you want right now, and if you don't then just grab it off someone else. I don't see much hope for marriages in general.

I wish you all a happy New Year and Pray that God can bring joy to your marriages in this 2010.

Commitment and morals on both sides.

If you are committed then at times when loves seems distant the commitment keeps on working for a solution. With moral comes the strength to with stand the temptations of this world.

Once betrayed all the love in the world cannot restore trust.

I can trust you but all that does is make me a fool if you are not committed and with a solid morals.

Give me a man who is committed to his marriage and to his God and there you at least have a chance.

This is a cruel and stupid practise that is complete abuse. The only result is a woman has no pleasure in relations with her husband or the man can be a lazy man who just climbs on as she has no idea what is missing.

That Granny would be dead to my family.

I dont think you should marry her because she deserves a better man. You must be a stupid fellow who is now already looking for a village girl to make him happy. For sure you are not her equal. Go find some bush woman for yourself and be happy.

A woman doesn't look at her husbands phone unless he is acting shifty. He is taking calls and talking quietly. Refusing to answer when she is around and is receiving text messages day and night.

I looked at my Naija mans phone he was jacking up to see another woman. Then he gets all sneaky and starts leaving the city for business. Now I look at his computer and he is bonking two other woman in another town one is even laughing at me with him for being a dumb white woman. Well she is welcome to him as he is already cheating on her too. HA HA stupid cow.

If her man is cheating she has every right to know. If he is Bonking other woman trying to make babies elsewhere and not even having safe sex a wife needs to protect herself.

No woman checks up unless she has some reason to.

Naija men.

Its time to be a real christians and not just pretending. God requires that a man and wife should be faithful in heart and in deed.


Oh yeah and the stupidest thing of all.


He expects to stay married while he goes his merry way. Another miscalculation.

From living with my husbands family in Nigeria. I was able to see that my darling husband treated me much better than his brothers treated their wives. Ha ha ha ha what a naive fool I was. His father had three wives. His senior brother cheated on his wife and didn't pay for the children's schooling spending all his money in clubs. But was taken back to the house and the family. His junior brother had a local wife who lived at the house but wasn't allowed to bring her belongings so it was said they were not married. But my darling was kind and sweet and helped me to cope with the unusual foods and the excessive heat.

Now he has his visa he is visiting a Nigerian woman in Auckland who thinks she may be pregnant for him and has more than 20 other girls around the world and in Nigeria all thinking they are the only one.

I was in Nigerian for 6 months all up and have not seen one marriage where the husband and wife were equals. Shouting and fists were always flying. The only peace came when a man was telling and the wife was obeying. Yet all the woman are hiding money in their wraps and in pots cupboard and squirrelling away money as men are so greedy.

Men are handing out money 100 naira at a time and yelling at children to run and buy tomatoes and peppers. Buy me drinks do this do that . My nephew his first words were "Ill beat you."

Well

To all you Naija men out there. We are all equal before God and if you want a marriage to work learn to SHOW true love as the bible says and its not with words but in deeds. If you want a woman to obey then show love if she feels safes he will obey.

Niaija Girls. Look at the fathers. Before you marry look very carefully at the father of the man. If he is kind and gentle to his family then you may have a chance. But if he is shouting at the kids and the wife the son will do likewise in a few years.

Leilah I was so relieved to see you had sent him packing. I wish you luck because you are really going to need it.

He has bad behaviour deep in his bones. It will come back again and now you are tied to him financially.

My heart goes out to you.

My heart goes out to you. These Nigerian men are a trickish bunch. Maybe on the TV you see white man looking for rich wife but in real life most white people believe in true love and expect that it will last. They marry some make it and some don't. When you start dealing with people from a country with such hardship then all the belief is true love is pushed aside and many people men and woman are just thinking to have a better life standing on the head of whoever is in their way.

So you get girls who marry old men to get a visa or a sugar daddy. Many of these men are lovely kind people who just want someone who will be with them and care for them. Good Christian men. Men who marry a good christian woman to get a visa then cheat behind her back with every girl.

In the end a woman must look deep inside and think. If I am dead from all this stress will he mourn for me? Will he suddenly start to nurture the babes we have made together? If you cant answer yes to this then you must do what is necessary to protect your life and well being so you can be well and whole to deliver the children to a full life.

I know this deeply. My husband is cheating on me with a Nigerian girl from this country we are living and she even knows about me. They are plotting behind my back to do all the things we planned to do together. He was always a kind and gentle man. But nothing is ever his fault. For five years I have done all I can to be a good wife. Now I am just working to remove him. It is not an easy thing in any society to remove a man who is stubborn. I have to work carefully and move while he is in Nigeria next month.

But here is the thing I loved him so I believed him. Please Naija people don't start shoving blame at the girl suffering here. We all know it is possible to have good intentions but then hard formed habits take over.

If you can bear the burden of two children a household chores and a full-time job as well as an abusive husband then you can consider to remain with him. But if you are dying a little each day and you health or employment or even mental health is at risk then you must do something to make sure you are there for the children.

Can you return to your parents with the children for a bit. This will allow him time to miss you. DO not give any more money. I like the suggestion to eat at restaurant with the children and let the light off. Even advise the landlord that you will no longer be paying the rent and if he wishes to continue to rent the house to your spouse it is no concern of yours. Ask your parents or siblings to help you in this transition and just go.

Hold fast to your job and you will be able with help from your family to ride out this rough time. I beg move on and look after yourself and the children.

He will be fine he has his mother.

Life is too short to be a slave to an abuser.

My prayers are with you.

Hi Im Kate Im married to Naija man for nearly 5 years. We are living in NZ. No children and is becoming less likely as Im not getting any younger. Would like to meet Naija woman or such. frecklesnz yahoo id.

You can own an animal.  No one can own a person.  That is how it was in the past with slavery.  
The Bible says a man is the head of the woman and is responisibole to God for the actions of his family.  It also says that a man must love his wife as his own body.  Woman should obey her husband as in the Lord.  Not as an owned creature.

Your husband is not showing love to be behaving so.  However he is showing an immature understanding of his role as husband.  

My suggestion is to ask your pastor to talk to you both about love and marriage and I pray that you will both settle into the Godly roles as husband and wife.

With children then there is no need to rush as the children are the big responsibility. Nearly all children that are seriously abused are because they have a step parent. It takes a very very good man to accept them as his own. There cant be mistakes.

If however my husband died I would send his body home to Nigeria and never look at a relationship again.
Men are just too much trouble, especially these spoiled mummy's boys who think it is a virtue to shout and yell to get what you want.

How I miss my single life.

Do you trust him?

Romantic feelings do not pay bills and school fees and put food on the table. Romantic love is compulsive and strong. But it is quickly killed by a roving eye or a mean spirit.

In the past thousands of years marriages were made by parents who look the man over to see if he is marriageable. They take place and the love is then flowing. Romantic love is nice , but love must be continuously renewed with compassion trust and kindness.

It is hard to find a man who has the makings of a good husband. The thing is can you commit to him even if some other feelings come past in the future. It is about what sort of person you are. If you are able to genuinely commit and with a strong heart dedicate to being the best wife and mother. Then this can work well for you.

If however you are the sort of person who is always looking for a better offer in all things then leave this good man for a better woman.

It is about your maturity. Pray faithfully for an answer to this.

First you pop the corn as suggested but I always shake the pan as it is cooking so the oil or butter doesn't burn while it is popping.

Toppings can be sweet or savory.

For savory buttered popcorn you melt some butter when it is melted you add salt and pour over the popcorn and stir through. Is best eaten hot.

For sweet you can heat some sugar and a bit of butter until the sugar melts. Let it boil a bit but watch it very carefully. You can do this with honey instead of sugar. Either way pour over prepared popcorn and it can be served hot or cold.

hope this helps.

I am struggling with type 2 diabetes too.

You are very right about the Nigeria staple food being all wrong for a diabetic. My husband has no idea of what is best for me to eat and expects I will eat a large plate of rice with stew. I love his stew but I can't die for the taste of traditional foods.

We are told by dietitian here we must eat on any meal 1/4 carb 1/4 meat and 1/2 vegetables. Just a small plate of this. I didnt see many vegetables like we have here in Nigeria and Im sure this is a hard thing. Have you tied making some Italian type dishes. They are not cooked as much as stew and tend to have a fresh taste.

I make home made spaghetti. Using some spaghetti pasta Boil until it is just soft. Make a tomato sauce from onions and tomatoes use some garlic and oregano. You just cook the tomatoes in a pot no oil. You can cook onions herbs and garlic in a pot in not more than a teaspoon of oil. Then add crushed tomatoes. Gently cook then add small salt to taste. this is then poured over the drained spaghetti. You can make meat balls or small pieces of meat to this and serve. It is very fresh tasting and doesnt have any of the oil that makes stew out of the question. You can use a tin of tomatoes instead of fresh tomatoes as long as you check on the can that there is no added sugar.

I have a cookbook that is recipes just for diabetics. Ignore all the advise of peoples who will have you paying for blessings and healings. By all means trust God to help you in this but it is crazy to expect that all who ask will be healed. Even Paul had to bear with the thorn in the flesh that was not removed from him.

If you want to contact me I am more than willing to hunt for some recipes if you let me know what ingredients you have available.

frecklesnz@yahoo.com

Man do I sympathize with your mum. When I visit Nigeria I'm completely stuffed as to what I can eat and even here Its' hard to be creative.

"

dangerous, silence
tell ur friend 2 buy a gun and wait 4 d next action

Again assumes she is going to pay back.  May be he has dealt a mortal blow to her and has killed her soul. 

First he does evil then he fears he will reap what he has sown.

He is foolish son and a shame to his father.

Now the brave men of Nairaland suggest he should bring a gun into her home.  Who is the victim?  Who has been wronged?

Surely he has done enough stupid stuff now she should have to fear him carrying a gun also.

I have thought about this.
Maybe he broke something that can't be fixed.
Maybe she is just trying to ignore this until she has decided what to do.
She is probably not a vengeful person aand his horrible behaviour has put her in a dreadful position.

I could not love a man that is so disrespectful of our marriage vows. For me this would kill love stone dead. Even though the popular thought in Nigeria is that anything can be sorted out and a marriage will continue no matter what. Western culture is no impacting on everyone everywhere. I don't see why this stupid man will think in time this will blow over.

I'm sure he deserves a horrible end for his crimes but He is a Nigerian man he thinks he can be as rude and selfish as he pleases and no harm will fall on him in the end.

He may even be right. BUT he deserves to suffer for a long time and his fear is fueled by his guilt.


A good consciences is worth more than Gold.


HE broke it! Maybe forever?

Id say he should be damn scared. If my husband did that I would make him pay. I would take my time and put so much fear into him he will probably have a stress attack.

Your friend is rotten to the core and deserves to suffer. In Old Testament times God would have struck him dead. Maybe he should fear God also. Not just his wife.

It is horrible to bed any scanky ho as he could be bringing death to his wife with his dirty habits but to defile the marriage bed. He is truly a stupid man and deserves all the fear he is carrying.

Single parenting is a hard thing even in western society. In NZ if you are a mature woman and a single mum you will get money form the government to help with bring up the child. They help to pay child minders so you can go to work and if you are educated you can get good money as a single woman. You can live a good life and very few people have any problems with what colour you are. My husband as been astounded how many colours people are and how little notice people take of your colour. NZ is not a racist country. We have people of every race and colour. If you have a mixed race child and if you are a solo mum there is no judgement at all. But it is still a hard lonely life.

None of this changes the fact that if the baby is sick in the night you are alone to cope. If the baby is crying you are on your own. If you are unwell you are alone. You have no one to talk with or dream with and you cant just walk away from the baby and go out to a party. It is still a very hard thing to be a solo mum.

From the things I have seen in Nigerian society i would say if your family is ok with you being a single mum then they will be there for you. But the government will not help you or support you. You can just end up as an aunty who helps in others homes. What chance is there for a single mum in Nigeria to buy her own home? To own her own car? To me Nigerian society is structured to make life much easier if you have a spouse. The way things are done is just too hard for one person. The cooking on a burner takes hours. The washing by hand. Drawing water from the well. Washing from a bucket. The cost of doctors. The cost of formula. I just could not think of being a single mum when life is so hard in the first place.
I have only lived in Nigeria for 6 months all up in my husbands home. But even though I love Nigeria and my husbands family very much I still struggle so much with the hard life.
I know I am soft but I think to chose to be a single mother in Nigeria is to choose a very hard path.

I wish you well in your future. I pray you find true love and that you are able to live and bring up beautiful children together.

There is intense pressure in western society for a husband to be present at a birth. This often put a strain on the mother. Some men are just a pain in the bum and should be left in the waiting room until it is all over. My cousin had her first baby and her husband was so demanding. He had been reading modern books and said no pain killers, no this, no that, all natural then when he saw how much pain his wife was in he started demanding painkillers but by then it was too late. He was anxious and troublesome to the nurses and doctor. Then when babies head started to come out he fainted.

If you don't want to be there then wait outside. But for the real men who wish to witness the miracle of seeing their beloved baby arrive it is a wonderful thing. My husband (True Igbo man ) Stated "I don't do blood. I wont be there if or when a baby is born." Before we even married. I accepted it and over the years have seen the wisdom of his words.

In final answer.

Each couple should make their own decisions. A wife must know her husband and accept his needs too. In a delivery room a mother and sister are much more helpful anyway.

Being in an interracial marriage is not an easy thing. Bring children into the mix is even harder. Understanding a child who has taken after your spouse is much easier if you have your spouse there to advise you. I cannot even imagine why a person would seek to bring a child into the world if you do not wish to be with a white person. What would make you to think that you, who doesn't have the commitment to be with a man of a different race, is qualified to best care for a child of mixed race.

What if this child bears no resemblance to you at all? What if this child is very very pale? Will this child be raised in the village with everyone staring at Him/Her? Will a black man want to bring up a child that is so obviously not his? Maybe this child will even be called albino. Shame on you trying to breed a child for colour? Are you ashamed to be a black woman? What is wrong with your colour that you should decide to play God mixing up a cross bred just for show?

I am not talking of mixed race children with loving parents. Both there to help and support the child. To help them to be understood. Just this crazy desire to make a baby just to have a fair one. Its just wrong for a baby to be conceived for this purpose.

Please consider the child and don't think of bringing a child that will never know his/her father for your own selfish purposes.

You men are crazy.  Talk about insecurities.  Its you that have them.   A woman wants to know that she will have a man who will support his children.  She doesn't want to have to work all her life in her mothers food shop just so her children can go to school.   Men have more access to money and need to be responsible in how they use it.  Not holding it over a woman as a bribe to love them. 

If you think that money makes you attractive to a woman you are lost.   

Naija is a hard land to live.  Money is hard to come by.  Education is expensive in comparison to wages.  Your children's only hope is to have parents who can pay to educate them.  Men grow up.  A woman has to find a man who will not leave her with three kids and washing other peoples clothes to have food. 

Many of the men behave like man whores.  They drop a baby in this girl then move and drop another one here and there.  Then wonder why girls want money for security.

They are not sick or crazy they are sensible woman who have seen so many girls lives end with an unwanted pregnancy.

If they can trust you as a good man then things can be worked out together but if you are thinking with your "privates" then you are ugly no matter how pretty your face is.

Men stop thinking that a woman is after your dick. Every man has one and most know how to use it. A man who can use his dick is no great catch. You all feel so special , yet every okada boy is ready and willing.
Maybe some woman want money but I make my own money and plenty of it. I don't need to marry a man with a big dose of self pride just cause he has a job.
Stop trying to be a big man when you are behaving like a small boy.

A woman wants to have an equal and a partner. Woman are not stupid. This is 2009. We are not bushwoman.

Woman want a man who is God fearing to the point he leaves his dick in his pants when he is away from home and remembers he is married.
She wants a man who not only cares about her issues but is willing to discus his issues with her too. Men are not superior to woman they need a supporter who is forgiving and caring too.

Women want a man who respects them. Women want to feel safe. Don't think you can give her a crack because you are stronger. God made you stronger to protect her not so she needs to be protected from you.

A Women needs a man who makes her laugh and who she can face the future with. Both good and bad times, and know you aren't going to run off and make excuses at the smallest trouble.

A women needs a man who she is able to trust with never any fear for his behaviour. A GOOD MAN.

From the nasty and stupid replies some men have been making here I do almost despair for the future of Naija marriages.

Many Nigerians in foreign countries conveniently forget they are married until such time that it becomes helpful to tell.   He was a free and single man until he finds he may have to be a father then suddenly he is married sorry get rid of it.  Well I have met many Nigerian men in Europe who pretended they were foot loose and fancy free.  Their wives sit back in Nigeria waiting for the money to come home and turn a blind eye to the behaviour of their husbands.  These men sometime have village wives who they are not legally married to as we would call it and so the say I had a girlfriend but she was cheating on me when I travel.  She is a shouter and humiliates me.  She is dirty and doesn't cook like my mama. 
Well never fall for this man he will live with you and then give you a baby then soon you are just the same as the village wife get this, do that, wash this, what is the matter with you? blar blar blar.  They behave like small naughty boys and cant understand why you wont just sit around while they abuse you.  Fools.


I wish you well caring for your baby.  No family will ever disown your baby in Nigeria but then if it is a girl they will try and sneak her to circumcise her. Beware that the aged ways of the villages don't cause your child to suffer.

Love your child but guard your heart and give love to the child.  Let the man work his own life out.

Woman are becoming westernised.  Yes they are becoming educated.  Great.  They are becoming strong.  Also Great.  They are learning to ask for what they want. Again great.  They are earning actual money to support the family.  Great.


The problem is Men are living in the dark ages.  They need to wise up.  The days of being Lord high master in the home while sitting on your butt and visiting other woman is OVER.

Learn to help your family to grow. Learn to be nice instead of shouting because the floor hasn't been swept five times today while you are out.  Braaah who are you.  Learn to accept and love your family and cherish your wife as the bible says.   Be a man not a bully.   

Take your share of the work.  If your wife is working all day same as you then help in the home. 

Most woman are actually better off these days with out a husband than with one who behaves like an extra but bad mannered child. 

I love my husband and he is learning to behave like a good husband.   I have never been shouted at and controlled in my life its not going to start now.  If I am asked nicely then all good. 

My husband is a fine Nigerian man who is now becoming a modern christian man.

It is a two way street and it is never all one persons fault.  Sure if woman were back in the old days then they would last better.  But there is no going back so Men come on Modern up.

She must be suffering serious grief. No one that is thinking straight would do this. May the police have some compassion and I hope she gets some help with her mental health.

But will she? Or will she just get condemnation?

Dear Poster

If this is a true post my heart goes out to you. I find that the Nigerian men I have met including my husband have a sense that they are more important than their wives. God does not decree this so Im unsure why such a proud nation of Christians seem to think so.

A woman must at all times protect the life and health of her unborn child. Her husband is important, but his life and intellect are not at risk by risky diets and eating. A child is a gift from the Lord for a father and a mother. You must do what ever it takes and even risk your husband moaning to protect the life and health of the child.

By no means Please I beg do not take Xenical. It is a very dangerous product that is for use only in treating the severely obese. It has terrible side affects and causes people taking it to shit their pants all the time. It turns any hint of oil or fat in the food to zoom straight through your body and there is no slowing it down. It is a seriously hard product and most people find the effects to be only for a small time. Nobody can take it for along time and the weight comes straight back and usually more also.

An unborn child can be turned from a bright intelligent child to a retarded child by wrong feeding. You must find and eat vegetables, carbs ( ie rice, yam, bread, fufu.) and meat for a balanced diet while carrying a baby. You also need to do this when you are breast feeding once baby is born. After baby is off the breast after 12 months at the least then it is good to reduce your food intake.

It is important to reduce sugar and fat intake but you should not miss meals.

For those Naija men that must have a thin wife I wonder if you were honest to your wife before you married,

I can just imagine "Darling you are so beautiful I will love you for all of my life or until you give me children and become the shape of a woman then I will reject you and find another small girl to bed."

A woman's body changes to make it strong to carry new life. Don't be a hater. Love your wife. Or just grow up.

For some people there is no cure. I love to hear my husband snoring as it means he is sleeping well. If I have trouble with it I just cuddle close and move him just a small amount and he quietens down. It never has to be a problem it is about your own love. If you let this make you angry that is what will break a marriage not the snoring.

This is amazing to me. 

We are brought up to eat the food provided to us as a matter of respect and as a mark of being an adult.   Showing picky, fussy food behaviour  is for babies and also very disrespectful.

This has been a huge difficulty for my husband and I.  He is From Delta State.  I'm from NZ.  Seeing so many here  having this fussy I am the most important person and will never suffer anything even for love is a real eye opener. 

When I am in Nigeria I eat every thing that is provided as a matter of respect.   Oh yes by the way I hate Draw soup and I ate it every day for a month until my husband finally told his sister not to cook it for him as he is tired of the same food every day. 

If we are at home it is good to try and provide the best and tastiest food for your husband,  but when you are out to dinner in a different country and with a different culture it is important to try and respect that culture.  My husband does try and cope now as he has understands it is a matter of respect. 

Also I still find all this I will never suffer anything for my husband or my wife rather sad.