₦airaland Forum

Bratking: That one got me loling

That's our own version naa.

@OP, you must be sadistic to laugh at the misfortune of others.

America NO PASS 9ja JOOR!!! Everything
they get we get am too;
They get Mohammed Alli, we get Bash Alli.
They get T. pain, we get T.maya.
They get T.I, we get M.I.
They get 2-pac, we get 2-face.
They get Beyonce, we get Genevieve.
They get Lil wayne, We get Terry G.
They get Timberland, We get DON JAZZY!
They get wiz khalifa, we get wiz kid.
They get Hollywood,we get nollywood
They get Silicon valley, we get Computer
village.
They get Mac Donnalds, we get Mr. Biggs.
They get Las Vegas, we get Lasgidi.
They get Miami Beach, we get Lekki Beach.
They get Al Paccino, we get Peter Edochie.
They get Pirate of d Caribbean, we get Pirate of Aba.
They get beauty and the beast we get Bianca and Ojukwu.
They get Mr Bean, we get Mr Ibu,
They get American Lotto, we get Baba Ijebu.
They fear Al Qaeda, we fear Boko Haram
abi na lieeeeee?

ooshekeen: Another mis-interpretation by some ignorant group of extremist..

Please stop calling them extremist just because they do what their Koran teaches them. They are the real Muslims, happily embracing the violence ideology that is synonymous with Islam.
The minority Muslims that opposes the original ideology are almost always slack practitioners and Muslims by name only, thus not very committed.
The committed ones are the one we term as Terrorists nowadays. And they are in the majority, not to the contrary as they would have us believe.

BetaThings: Tell that to jews who has first hand account of "angelic" nature of Christians
Did christians allow Jews to own properties
Were they not blamed for diseases resulting from lack of hygiene?

"Over the course of time, Christians began to accept... that the Jewish people as a whole were responsible for killing Jesus. According to this interpretation, both the Jews present at Jesus Christ's death and the Jewish people collectively and for all time, have committed the sin of deicide, or God-killing. For 1900 years of Christian-Jewish history, the charge of deicide has led to hatred, violence against and murder of Jews in Europe and America"

I have always been told that "Vengeance is Mine" Now I know better!


"Persecution of the Jews in Spain. All Jews who refused to be baptized had to leave the country. A few years later the remaining Jews were dispossessed, declared as slaves and given to pious "Christians" of position. All children 7 years or over were taken from their parents and given to receive a "Christian" education." Turning the other cheek!

"The banishment of Jews from Spain. 300,000 Jews who refused to be "baptized" into the Church of Rome left Spain penniless. Many migrated to the Muslim country, Turkey, where they found tolerance and a welcome."
Today Christians posture as friends of Jews in Palestine. Who drove Jews away such that the Jews did nit feel at home in Europe? Christians!

What a load of nonsense.
The only religion that is intolerant of others is Islam.
According to research, the only secular Islamic country in the world is Turkey. The rest are so intolerant of foreign religion that they will go to extreme measures to see that their beloved religion is not threatened in any way.
For example, there is not a single Church erected in Saudi Arabia. Now does that seem tolerant to you?
Christians has no problem with Jews, infant both religion co-habitat and inter-marry on daily basis while still retaining their autonomy.
Muslims on the other hand despise the Jews even more than they do the Christians.

[quote author=Dan_de_Numeruno]Lol...nice one bro.[/quote]Thanks.

A Ghanaian man, American man and Nigerian
man were lost in a forest and were captured by
cannibals.
The king of the cannibals told the three friends that they could live if... they pass a
trial.
The 1st step was to go deep into the forest and
get 10 pieces of the same kind of fruits. The three men went their separate ways to gather fruits.
... The Ghanaian man came back and said to the king, "I brought 10 apples".
The King explained the trial to him.
King: You have to swallow the fruits without any expression on your face or you will be killed.
The first apple went in, but on the second one, he winced out in pain, so he was killed.
The American arrived and showed the king 10 berries.
When the king explained the trial to him, he thought to himself that this should be
easy.
....1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8 and on the ninth berry, he
burst out in laughter and was killed.
The Ghanaian and American met in heaven... The Ghanaian man asked, "why
did you laugh? You almost got away with the
trial"
Then the American man replied, "I couldn't help it, I saw the Nigerian man coming with Water melons!!!"

Logicboy03: Frostyzone! You don craze finish!


I am dying of laughter!!!!


Crushed testicles? Unclad men in linen shorts? Prosti.tution?





The bible was written by crazy Hot middle eastern cavemen

No bi small tin oo!

[quote author=Dan_de_Numeruno]The above 3 qoutes got me cracking. To think that the bible actually quoted those is amazing.[/quote]Lolz, believe it or not the Christian's holy book did. Large chunk of the old testament seemed to be written by men on weeds.

[quote author=O.M.E]Does this make sense ?[/quote]Apparently you don't understand English.

The funny thing about church is that even after
years and year of attending you often end up
hearing about the same ten or fifteen stories,
only with a new twist on them each time.
Or better yet the preacher has his own moral
lesson he wants to teach and while he does it
picks out individual lines here and there from
the Bible. So you end up walking away with this
idea that the Bible is mostly stories of "God's"
love and how to be a good moral person.
Well that's because if anything other than those
handful of cherry-picked stories were peached
and the rest of the stories in the Bible were
taught in their entirety, people would go, "Are
these people insane?" and immediately walk out of the building.
Anyways, see the entire
list below. It's pretty damn funny -- well until you
realize people actually believe this stuff.
.
.
2 Kings 2:23-24
Then he went up from there to Bethel; and as he was going up the road, some youths came from the city and mocked him, and said to him, “Go up, you baldhead! Go up, you baldhead!” So he turned around and looked at them, and pronounced a curse on them in the name of the LORD. And two female bears came out of the woods and mauled forty-two of the youths.
.
.
Mark 14:51-52
A young man was following Him, wearing nothing but a linen sheet over his naked body; and they seized him. But he pulled free of the linen sheet and escaped na.ked.
.
.
Deuteronomy 23:1
No one whose testicles are crushed or whose
male organ is cut off shall enter the assembly of the Lord.
.
.
Genesis 38:8-10
Then Judah said to Onan, “Go in to your brother’s wife, and perform your duty as a brother-in-law to her, and raise up offspring for your brother.”
Onan knew that the offspring would not be his; so when he went in to his brother’s wife, he wasted his seed on the ground in order not to give offspring to his brother. But what he did was displeasing in the sight of the LORD; so He took his life also.
.
.
1 Samuel 18:25-2
Then Saul said, “Thus shall you say to David, ‘The king desires no bride-price except a hundred foreskins of the Philistines, that he may be avenged of the king’s enemies.’” Now Saul thought to make David fall by the hand of the Philistines. And when his servants told David these words, it pleased David well to be the king’s son-in-law.
Before the time had expired, David arose and
went, along with his men, and killed two hundred of the Philistines. And David brought their foreskins, which were given in full number to the king, that he might become the king’s son-in-law.
And Saul gave him his daughter Michal for a wife.
.
.
Exodus 4:24-25
Now it came about at the lodging place on the
way that the LORD met him and sought to put him to death. Then Zipporah took a flint and cut off her son’s foreskin and threw it at Moses’ feet, and she said, “You are indeed a bridegroom of blood to me.”
.
.
Ezekiel 16:17
You also took the fine jewelry I gave you, the
jewelry made of my gold and silver, and you
made for yourself male idols and engaged in
prostitution with them.
.
.
Ezekiel 23:19-20
Yet she increased her prostitution, remembering the days of her youth when she engaged in prostitution in the land of Egypt. She lusted after their ge.nitals as large as those of donkeys, and their seminal emission was as strong as that of stallions.
.
.
Judges 3:19-25
And Ehud reached with his left hand, took the
sword from his right thigh, and thrust it into his belly. And the hilt also went in after the blade, and the fat closed over the blade, for he did not pull the sword out of his belly; and the dung came out.
.
.
Deuteronomy 25:11-12
If two men, a man and his countryman, are
struggling together, and the wife of one comes
near to deliver her husband from the hand of the one who is striking him, and puts out her hand and seizes his ge.nitals, then you shall cut off her hand; you shall not show pity.

Lagusta: Thanx!!!

You 're welcome.

[quote author=chreld_b]What an irony! people flee from Nigeria and escape to the US and are captured and deported back. But here the reverse is the case. Nawa o[/quote]Such is life.

obadiah777: YUP YOU RIGHT. AND I CAN SEE THE SIGNS ALREADY. I DONT THINK THAT COUNTRY HAS MORE THAN 2 YEARS AT MOST BEFORE THE DESTRUCTION. WE ARE AT THE END

dasparrow: Yep! well said. Anyone who is conversant with the bible (God's word) knows that mystery Babylon (America) will be destroyed in 1 hour when the time comes. It says so in the book of Daniel.

Deluded Abokis, your puzzling hatred for anything America will not make you any smarter or saner that you bunch are obviously lacking.

Mainly because science fights the credibility of religion.

kelvincoll: Do i smell photoshop here? Source pls!

I really dont see this happening in a developed country like china amidst safety concerns

China is still undergoing development. They are not first world yet.

[quote author=Dan_de_Numeruno]Well said bro.[/quote]Thanks.

kaysy: You better calm down and learn and don't be rude, how can u say there is nothing wrong with describing someone as dead while he still breaths... Would u prefer to be described as such?

Like I said before, I don't have the necessary expertise to tackle your ridiculous question, but I will try my best to explain it to my understanding.
How can you write about a person using present tense at what was already part of history. Using the phrase "age 21" entails that the process is still going on, hence it wouldn't be a story just yet.
Likewise the phrase "aged 21" connotes that whatever transpired is now part of history as in past tense. Whether it signifies that the person in the story is alive or dead doesn't come into play.

Lagusta: Akpors the student:

TEACHER: all îdìots stand up!!!

...But only akpors stood up...

TEACHER: ok, so you are an ïdìot, I am not suprised...

AKPORS: no ma, I don't want you to be the only ìðÏot standing....






THE TEACHER GAVE BIRTH TO A FROG INSTANTLY!!!







AKPORS SELF-SERVICED TILL HE NEARLY DIED, WHILE....







ALL THE STUDENTS JOINED THE ILLUMINATI....

Crappity crap.

[quote author=acidosis™](NOT MY STORY)

WEDDING TEST!!! --Adults Only--.
My wonderful girlfriend and I had been dating 4 over a year and so we decided to get married. There was only one little thing bothering me...It was her beautiful younger sister.

My prospective 21 year old sister-in- law, always wore very tight miniskirts and often times was bra-less. She would regularly bend down when she was near me,and I always got more than a nice view.

One day her little sis called and asked me to come over to check the wedding invitations. She was alone when I arrived,and she whispered to me that she had feelings and desires for me that she couldn't overcome.
She told me that she wanted me just.once b4 I get married and commit my life to her sister. Well, I was in total shock, and couldn't say a word. She said, I'm going upstairs to my room, and if u want one last wild fling, just come up and get me.

I was stunned and frozen in shock as I watched her go upstairs. I stood there for a moment, then turned and headed straight to the front door. I opened the door, and headed straight towards my car. Loo and behold, my future family were standing outside, all clapping! With tears in his eyes, my father-in-law hugged me and said "We are very happy that you have passed our little test, We couldn't ask for a better man for our daughter Welcome to the family"!
I smiled and heaved a sigh of relief cos
.
.
.
.
.
I was actually heading to the car to get
my condoms ...
NA GOD SAVE ME...[/quote]Copy copy! Ripped from an advert.
I should know. I have watched the clip on YouTube ages ago!

What the hell is this mofo topic doing in the gaming section??

Moderators, please take note.

kaysy: Why did they identify him as aged 21, is he dead? cos i know its only the dead that there ages are described as past tense... someone plz confirm for me

i dnt care about all the bla bla bla here... am more concerned with his life status, whether active or not

I'm no master of English language, but I know that there is nothing wrong with that phrase "aged 21"
I don't have the necessary expertise to explain why but to tell you to back off unless you want to be ridiculed.

At long last Nigeria is finally first at something, hurray!

Sagem Myx-3(got spoilt)
.
Sagem Myx-5(got Stolen)
.
Chinese television in-built phone.(didn't know the name); got spoilt.
.
Nokia N95 8gb(gave it away)
.
Samsung Galaxy II(Currently using)

nagoma: Who told you that Nigerian imams dont preach peace? Are Boko Haram Muslims ?

Much credit of course has to go to the Bosnian imams for their forgiveness. Barely 15 years ago these Christian murderers nearly wiped the whole Muslim population in one of the most gruesome massacre ever seen in history of mankind. They tortured , raped and killed and many of these player imams must have grown up as orphans who lost all their families to the chritian genocide. I salute the Bosnian Muslims.

The best form of defence is attack, we all know that. The Bosnian Christians decided to act first, instead of waiting for the inevitable.

Cried like a baby when my gurlfriend dumped me. Hey! Just kidding!

QPR till I die!!!

Once, while I was enjoying a hot plate of rice and plantain in a local restaurant, I mistakenly chewed on a dead coachroah thinking it was fish.
I only realised my mistake when the coachroach refused to disintegrate like a real fish would have done, and on spitting it out on my palm to know why, discovered the horrific truth.
It was a very traumatic experience indeed.

Tiny fish bones that almost always get stuck somewhere in my oesophagus making it painful for me to swallow anything, even saliva.

Load of crap.

United performance will be poor, but at the end of the day it will be either 15 points or 13 points.

*Enter thread*
.
*Started to read, but stopped midway because of the staggering poor grammar in attendance*
.
*Feeling sorry for the OP as I left the thread*