₦airaland Forum

virginboy1:
hmmm...They wont pressure you with good job connections ooo, they wont pressure you with lucrative business deals ooo, they wont pressure you with sure gigs...

But once it comes to marriage, you see pressure every where.

omo, indeed, "Misery loves company"

Also, you begin to wonder where they were when OP was just starting life as a young man either with studies, work or business. Boom! He has small change, and all we hear is "go and marry 🙄"

GeeM:
I don't drink or smoke nor do hard drugs. Sex is my only source of relaxation

Then do it safely. It's for your own good. Do an experiment with different brands of condoms to know which is best for you and stick to the most appropriate.

Blakjewelry:
Lol orientation, when you will see matured men who are suppose to have a working argue with you they believe it works.

They claim to be educated o

That part of the country is almost gone. I recall when I doubted raising a morally balanced family in the Warri/Asaba/Benin axis, but was reprimanded.

Good Luck to everyone.

Another mistake by OP is taking antibiotics to treat STIs without first undergoing a test. What exactly were you treating when you took those drugs without a test result?

Nna eh!

Omoapena:
You didn't contracted it from the girl, you probably have been sleeping with someone who either have toilet infection or carrier of gonorrhea but wasn't at the critical stage and it only became critical when you had sex with someone else who triggered it.

It's something that has been building in your system for a long time but you didn't know about it, there's no way you will contract gonorrhea in few days and will be that strong in your blood stream...

The dude has been having unprotected sex for months. You can imagine the scores of infections wey full him body. I am also certain he drinks like a fish, smokes like a chimney and takes hard drugs like a stoner. The immune system don weak kpata kpata.

GeeM:
Recently, I got entangled with a lady that had terrible STI. I have always been a fan of raw sex because I don't feel anything with condom.

This lady in question is someone you could describe as a homely girl; wife material, so I never suspected in my wildest imagination that she would be carrying such terrible infection.
ut to find clean one no easy. Skin to skin dey sweet but na infection spoil am.

Some of you are so irresponsible with your sexual and reproductive life. The other day, una defend impregnating a lady without the need to marry, now una dey defend having unprotected sex. The other day, una say make women dey use condom to prevent pregnancy, now this one nko? Una dey blame women for being carriers of the disease. Okay, they harbour the disease, what prevents you from wearing condoms?

You people will learn the hard way....

givedemwotowoto:
Agbadorians need to be studied as a unique human specie

To be fair, Agbadorians aren't too disturbed by Trump's action. It's dem Ikoyi and Lekki Democrats who are lovey-dovey and completely detached from everyday Nigerian issues that are apprehensive. This group of people are more interested in the affairs of the US than Nigeria's.

OP's wife refusing to return is one of the issues with relocating to Anglophone countries with a Nigerian wife. If he had done everything as a bachelor, it would have been easier and quicker to amend things. Mind you, no kids yet, but she refuses to relocate. Imagine when children enter the picture.

OP, move to Texas or nearby states where you have a big and strong Nigerian community and most importantly, a near tropical environment. One of the causes of your depression is the temperate weather - winter isn't favourable for a black person. Nobody fit tell me otherwise. Another is to begin an aggressive job search in Nigeria where your American degree and experience would match. Don't expect big big salaries and for the sake of whoever you worship, don't get involved into the senseless NGN - USD conversion rhetoric. I've advised a friend the same to use his Japanese degree to job hunt in Nigeria, but he prefers the low wage and career limiting English teaching job here. Why some people don't want to return to Nigeria to get something much better than the abroad even after obtaining almost free education beats me.

franchasofficia:
You don't have a problem if your major problem is missing Nigeria. Just board a flight and go back to Nigeria to enjoy the wonderful Nigerian nation.


You have lived in the US for 8 years, you didn't buy landed properties in Nigeria, you didn't build any commercial building, you didn't make any meaningful investment back in Nigeria, you just stayed put in the US and next you went and married, next you went and bought a house on a low paid job according to you. What does your wife do?


You didn't consider change of career to a more promising career in the tech or IT or medicine to enable you earn more, take care of yourself more and invest more in Nigeria for a stress free retirement.


My brother you already made lots of mistakes and correcting them now won't be easy. You already entered into a house mortgage, just be managing it like that and plan visits to Nigeria during Christmas to unwind and relax.


How some of you guys travel abroad and abandon your childhood friends, forget to invest back in Nigeria beats my imagination. I still communicate and flex with all my school mates. In fact last December was a loud one for all us. We gathered from different countries of the world in Southeast to enjoy our lives. From US, Canada, Switzerland, UK, Germany, Japan, Singapore, Angola, China, SK, Lagos, Abuja, PHC, etc. We all are doing greatly and have always been in contact with each other despite the distance. We talk on phones often for years now. When one buy land or house at a good location he encourage others to come closer and those that have cash at that time follow suit. We have been together and it's been amazing but some of you once you leave Nigeria you distance yourself from all friends cos you believe they are doomed forever since they couldn't migrate same time u did.


Nigeria as bad as it is is still a fertile ground for investment. Being abroad should give you an edge to raise startup capital faster to join in the Nigerian investment boom. Some lands I bought few years ago have appreciated by x5, some x10 to my amazement. I wished I bought like 5 hectares of land, by now I will be planning my retirement at 40.

If you can correct things, try by working towards investing back in Nigeria.

You can reconnect back with your university mates back in Nigeria if you weren't snubby and arrogant to them when you left Nigeria thinking they will all die poor and wretched. Because I am sure most of them now are doing exceedingly well beyond what you may have thought when you left Nigeria, that's always the case.

You made a whole sense here. I realised the aspect of playing both sides rather than cutting off Nigeria entirely. As I discussed with another Nigerian yesterday, any Nigerian who was born and bred in Nigeria for at least 25 years before moving elsewhere especially to places with few black people will yearn to return. So why return to nothing? In fact, every time I look back, I'm glad my parents didn't sell any property to sponsor my education abroad and to top it I got scholarships. So everything is intact and I maintain good communication with folks back home, all of whom are doing well in their various endeavours.

Aside from emerging Asia and Big Daddy China, Europe is going to experience severe economic anaemic growth in the next decade. Africa will be the best place to manufacture and sell goods and services.

mrjojo:
You and Panso are sages, with holistic perspectives, deep insights, and a nuanced understanding that are truly awe-inspiring. Most people wouldn’t give this much thought, as they’re too stressed from picking up shifts and believe that providing necessities and maybe good schools is enough.

I see. Although, Panso is more of a sage than I am, and talking about raising black children in the abroad, he first outlined his thoughts. All of which I have realised/reasoned about within the past one year.

Looking back at this thread and the latest technological advances from China, I am glad my predictions have come to pass. Next up is the EUV machine - as I stated, e go become pure water. Expect to see one at Ladipo when it becomes public.

Learn Chinese today. This is the Chinese Century.

mrjojo:
Hi She.blayze,Gerrar.d59, Pans.ophist

I hope you don’t mind me reaching out like this. I’ve been following your diary for a long time and truly appreciate your refreshing perspectives—they often resonate deeply with me.

I noticed we’re both based in the UK and left Nigeria around the same time. Recently, I’ve been reflecting critically on the rise in heinous crimes committed by Black individuals. It’s a topic that weighs heavily on me because, as we know, the actions of one Black person often impact the entire community. I’ve found myself increasingly apprehensive when I see Black people behaving rashly, as we already struggle w this, as your insights always provide a fresh perspective. Thank you

I will share my thoughts on this issue later on, but I am genuinely curious why you mentioned me to air them.

That said, there is a thread on raising children in the UK somewhere in the Travel Section.

OboOlora:
Most of the marriages termed as thriving are the ones the husbands have been turned to GBEWUDANI and the wives are the ones calling the shots lol
Take for example Omotola's own, the man left his thriving pilot career to relocate to US to be shuttling between being a stay home dad and delivering parcels for Amazon all because the wife wanted to live abroad.
Peter and Lola, everyone knows Lola is domineering and dictatorial so of course, she runs the home.
Bisola and Timi Dakolo hmmm, go to Loughborough and ask men about what Bisola has been up to since she fought her husband to move to England while he stays back in Nigeria.
Celebrity marriage is 'the more you look, the less you see'
BTW, I dropped this comment based on facts I know...........

Interesting stuff here. The bold is interesting considering he fought allegations of being a swegbe man on Twitter weeks back.

missjekyll:
Why call people unfortunate? Can you control who your neighbours are?So you haven't changed this your racist attitude?

Mtchew,nonsense

They don't align with other Black people. Some of them don't see themselves as black people. Do you force people to like you or do you do attachee every now and then? How many Somalians in the lovey-dovey UK of yours mix up with other Black Africans, including Kenyans?

Stop parroting the R word...it has become hackneyed and useless overall.

haybhi1:
Regards from here sire. Quite a while. Speaking of the age range, I think most marriageable ladies from even early 20s, particularly those with conservative characteristics (worse for this categories). 22, 23, 24, 25 and so on. It's particularly high in Lagos, while weddings occur regularly on Saturday, people are hardly marrying actually. In fact, people are a lot divorce in a rather astronomical rate.

Thanks for your reply.

First, the bold is surprising because conservative ladies suffer in the long run should they remain/be single without suitable/ready suitors coming to seek their hand in marriages. BTW, when you mean conservative, are these Muslims or conservative Yoruba Christians aka dem Deeper Life, Baptist and the like?

To be fair though, I see 22 - 24 as too young for women to marry in present-day Nigeria, especially considering the harsh economic climate and the rhetoric of "women should not be liabilities". It is odd for men to say they want assets, but desire ladies who just completed NYSC to become ready assets. It is why I am even more surprised that they are single as men in their 30s should be wifeying them every weekend.

In our case though, as Nigerians–particularly in the SW, I'll say the economy is playing a huge role as source in the informal community, while the harsh realities and individual experiences are the root in the formal or enlightened community. I see some females and males around me unwilling to divorce singleness, as far as they remain very comfortable. Whereas the informal community, being so hard hit economically, are staying single. The one-eye-man-among-the-blind men outliers are getting too much females attention and hardly avoidable relationships.

Sure, the economy is toff. As for the enlightened community being single, I can understand them. We are mimicking those in the abroad who are single through their 30s even while they earn good money and live in functioning societies. The concept of marriage has changed within the past 15 years. Whether in Nigeria or not, I would be like them - develop my career/businesses, drive a nice car and live as comfortably as possible. Causal sex is enough reason for most men to remain single, plus the so-called chores people write about can be out-sourced. Additionally, the more these people remain single, the harder it becomes for them to have a companion.

Meanwhile, this whole demographic position is a product of my observation. While I try to shun biasing as much as possible and take a vast majority of the people into consideration, it may not exactly represent the fact.

I understand. It is a topic I am interested in - to know the effects social media and the economy have had on young Nigerians' views towards the institution of marriage. Although my circle is different, almost all female classmates are married, while my senior male classmates are getting married. I am just surprised the conservative SW is like that, abi na only Lagos your observation dey? Osun and Kwara should be different.

Tightpussy2024:
you think she expects lifelong marriage? Or if he were an average earning man she will agree with to ma

If women understand men,they will know that it's never in their interest to invest in a man as much as or worse off more than he has invested in you. Come when his ready to settle,when he has his life together and when he is the best version of himself. Your femininity will glow and shine. And he will love you more. Coming in his struggling state never helps,you will be drained and will react(then he will use your reaction against you).

Well, male activists are also preaching a similar message these days. May the best preachers win greater number of souls.

It rarely ends well.Men are not drawn to the women they profess they are. If not for society men will marry prostitutes or snatch other men married wives with kids .
That is why we have permanent mistresses and concubines that enjoy that place.

To a great extent, I agree with the bold. Blame it on biology aka testosterone.

No point comparing us to the Chinese or Indians (these ones engage in honour killings) as we are fundamentally different people. Compare us to other Black Africans.

P.S. The term "other Black Africans" excludes dem unfortunate Arabized Africans known as Somalians and Sudanese.

Oluchiugo:
Na those ones want dull na......I have a friend who currently lives in US with his Wife. He was a NOBODY when he was here only to meet this Lady somehow in a Cab when she visited and the rest they say is history.

The Lady practically paid all the wedding expenses and took my guy to US. Although, na the guy be Babysitter for dia o,but my guy humble n e dey enjoy himself.........as far as I know.

Other Ladies there should wise up and come home, Guys dey hia wey hungry want wound, just be a little generous and welcoming husband will show.

Makes sense depending on his financial background, but don't expect someone who wrote GRE, TOEFL, paid for WES, did MSc and later PhD, and navigated H1B and Green Card by working in good companies to accept such an offer.

BTW, these women can marry fellow women as well. It is a free world.

Tightpussy2024:
I always knew it. The vitriol Yul faced was not because he did May dirty,but because of who he chose instead of May.

Pickles better learn. Even if all men are polygamous,make sure you don't suffer with any men. So when he starts chasing other women,it will not pain you. There is a reason 1st wives always are the broken. If you want to eat a frog,eat the one with the fastest eggs
Sharon Ooja has made this calculation already

Good luck to her and her man who has married twice and divorced. Though, I agree that first wives suffer the most.

luminouz:
Gerrard...why won't I find you here as usual...a glorified simp looking for crumbs of female attention to make yourself feel better.
Don't you even have any shame at all? The lamentations of men who trained women and were dumped are on your head

When you label me this tag, I find it surprising. Recently, I wrote that I'm not a fan of giving women free money. Also, since my time on Nairaland - almost 15 years - I have DM'd only one female moniker and that was for a health purpose.

As for Yul, between myself and him who left his wife with four children - the boy later died - to be with a woman who had TWO CHILDREN FROM DIFFERENT MEN - who is a simp?

Dey think twice before using certain words.

zed7:
Even here o. Most beautiful and well to do ladies are also sex starved.

Men think they are too high status and can't afford them. They assume that they're taken by millionaires and politicians, not knowing they are also very lonely and alone.

But the availability of dild.os paint a different picture. Let's not forget that some of these ladies demand commitment in exchange for sex. I rather think men these days are dodging commitment but want outright sex.

haybhi1:
Men will keep wising up but I feel for women. Even here, level of singleness is ridiculously high among females. I'm afraid of giving birth to females sha.

What's the age range of these ladies? I'm surprised such is rampant in the SW as well, if true.

WrriterNg:
Colombia also threatened to slap 50% tariff on US goods.

That's why the US folded.

C'mon! Colombia isn't a major exporter of goods to the US. Maybe Brazil or Mexico? But Colombia? I bet it was the Colombians that folded. He sanctioned government officials and their assets. Obviously, Donald is starting with the small fries, I look forward to him doing the same to Mexico, Chile and Brazil.

To be honest, TuFace and Yul Edochie are good examples young modern Nigerian women will use never to build with a man. If I were a woman, that's what I would do - don't build with a man. The one of Yul still dey do me somehow for head considering he lost his only son because of his entanglement with a woman who has children from TWO DIFFERENT men.

Kenn55:
Indians are more hostile to blacks in the west than whites. Sometimes whites may have small conscience but most Indians don't. Despite being immigrants themselves, the black immigrant community can't count on Indians as allies cos they see themselves as superior to us.

Those days, ALL the interviews I went for where an Indian is the to come and suffer racism from them too in addition to white people. So I clearly understand why folks are calling them out

For all the talk about whites being racist, in today's world, black people would enjoy, and actually do enjoy, better and higher economic opportunities where white people are in charge than any other group of people. As Black people, the closest whites allies are Anglophones starting with white Americans, then British and so on.

Black people who say the white man is racist are clearly ignorant about other groups of people. In fact, it's because of this group of white people that makes other groups to share similar economic opportunities to black people.

idahme:
Women with zero accountability with victim mentality, what stops the girl from nit having sex if the man isn't with condoms? Always portraying women as victims pathetic

Being pregnant goes both ways. If you know you won't wife her because of personal reasons, desist from getting her pregnant. Control your side of the bargain even if she decides to be non-chalant about hers.

If you know you won't marry a lady, don't get her pregnant. You people complain about the rise in single mothers and single mothers themselves yet go ahead to impregnate ladies without marrying them. It smacks of irresponsibilty!

As a man, you should be cautious about impreganting women upandown because you will saddled with the responsibility of providing for them.

Too many irresponsible people in the society these days!

Nice one! Allah Kaduna has been fighting this on Facebook. It is good to see it go an actual law court.

Let's be honest even in toto and preek affairs.

ednut1:
@jedi.sco The trump threats has shown that Canada needs to dump all these climate change and environmental ideologies. Build more pipelines to the east , west and the arctic (the liberals have been blocking this) .I saw a post on Twitter about a bill essentially banning the advertisement/promotion of fossil fuels . I thought it was a joke till i went to check the bill o. Now that trump has removed EV mandate and said they will drill oil. Its time for Canada to abandon all these woke policies o. Trudeau also said there will be subsidies for businesses affected by the tarrifs despite having a 60b CAD budget deficit. I weakhttps://www.parl.ca/DocumentViewer/en/44-1/bill/C-372/first-reading

So-called liberal politicians are the same everywhere, and I have no sympathy for the ignorant and most times arrogant citizens who support them. How does banning fossil fuel ads reduce the effects of greenhouse gases? Since all countries are in the same earth, how does it reduce the emissions emitted by Indonesia and India?

These are the countries some say will and can compete with China?

Sleeknigga:
Una fuuuck abi una no fuuuck shey all of them be virgins ni

No girl wey pass through schl wey dem no go samankwe her pussy

Nobody fvcks or bribes to get a first class in any part of the world.