Godswill A Judins:

what u ar trying to say is that I should not get too involve with her.

Get involved with her, but make sure you're collecting enough information about her. You barely know this girl. Another point I wanted to bring up, the fact that you are having issues already when you've only been dating for 1 month, is not a good sign.

Find out what are her real intentions when it comes to you and the relationship. Don't go snooping around to get this info. Just call her up or meet up with her and ask her directly.

If she's all over the place with her response, cut your losses and move on.

You need to stop wasting your time on women who are not willing to treat you the way you deserve to be treated. If this woman treats you well and in your heart you believe she's worth it, hang in there things will progress. But, if you are being treated like you don't matter, please just move on. It's NOT worth it. Move on before you get too attached.

special_zobo: ...You are either a witch,or a mad woman. that's all I can say...

Unfortunately for you, I am neither.

So far, out of all of you, I am the only one who has not resorted to cheap insults in order to express my views and opinions. This is how a classy and educated person handles matters. :-)

AtlanticBreeze:
why not keep quiet and stop being silly. who told you your opinion is needed on how she conducts her personal life and affairs. why not mind your business and face your insecure boyfriend (if you have one). Everything you've said points to you being jealous. That you are not confident of yourself and can't post your pics here is not same for others. Check the first post on this thread and if you don't have any contributions to offer on it them stfu and spare us your sermons.

GTFOH! I have an opinion just like everyone else. I will say what I want when I want. As I said, I saw the chick's photos, there's nothing she has that I need to feel jealous about.

You thirsty men really make me laugh. You know darn well if this was your chick, you would not defend this mess. You also know if she was African, y'all would've called her ashawo. F*ck outta here with that "being jealous" bullsh*t.

Dannylux:

I don't see why you think Facebook is more private compared to Nairaland? There is hardly privacy on the internet, everyone is expected to know this already.

Its her life, her body, her rules. Her behavior here might actually be the opposite of her personality offline, so you don't judge. You don't know the kind of person I am nor do you know the kind of person the boyfriend is, so don't make baseless speculations on how I or her boyfriend would react - you're no mind reader, are you?

There's nothing Mr Nice guy-like in the post I posted earlier. I wasn't making any particular reference to your post that was obvious. In fact, most of what I said didn't refer to your post in anyway but if the shoe fits you, lace if up.

Dude, I don't care how you are in real life nor do I care how she behaves offline. I don't know her personally and will never do. My assessment of her is what she has presented here on nairaland.

She can post all the photos she wants on here, but I was referring to her half naked photos in particular. But, she said she doesn't care 'cause those photos pop up on google when you type her name. *sigh*

Enegod: Nigerian girls still have a long way to go....they f**** not treating us like kings that we are

Hopefully this thread will inspire them to change their ways.

Godswill A Judins:

actually i saw them beside their house when I was going out. she did not see me sha.
I din't hear their discusion cos am very far from them. they spent close to 15min on da spot. sometime the guy would try to hold her but she always turn him down.
I did not tell her I saw her with another dude.

Are you and her officially a couple?

You said you started dating a month ago, right? This is a very new relationship. You still don't know much about this woman

Take time to observe and get to know her better.

I have spent quite some time on the romance forum & as a certified relationship counselor, I have given a few of you advice. But one thing I've come to notice is the number of times I have had men writing to me for advice because their women treat them poorly.

Ladies, if you claim to "love" your man, please act like it. Why must it always be him that has to initiate every call or text message? Why must he always be the one that needs to plan every date?

Would it kill you to send him a cute message that reads, "Hey babe, Just wanted to let you know I'm thinking about you."? Would it kill you to surprise him to a sweet romantic dinner? If you don't have the money to take him out, you can simply cook a delicious meal for him. Make the evening special in your own way.

Once in a while, if you have money, you can stop by the mall and get him a nice shirt or something you think he would like.

A few years ago, I learned the secret to keeping my man happy: Whenever I can, I do sweet things for him. I plan romantic outings, date nights, couple nights (an evening where we gather with all our "couple" friends), and I buy him little gifts whenever I can. Not just on his birthday, but whenever I can. Above all, I gave him the most important thing to a man: RESPECT. In return, I get treated like a QUEEN. My man goes above and beyond to put a smile on my face. Making sure I'm happy slowly became a priority for him. He gets me everything I want on his own will. I've never had to ask for a thing.

I know our African men like to act hard and tough, but deep down inside they just want a woman who will genuinely love them. Not one who will love with words, but a woman who loves with actions.

If you have a man who is not acting right, just start loving him the RIGHT way and watch him change.

So ladies, send your man a cute text message today. Surprise him with a cute and sexy message. He will love it.

This goes to the married women as well.

**Disclaimer: I'm not telling you to spend all your money on this man o. Neither am I asking you to become his sugar mama. Just pamper him once in a while.**

There's nothing I enjoy more than cooking for my man. He doesn't like when I use my money to pay for anything. But, once in a while, when I go out I buy things for him. I like giving him little surprises and once in a while I take him out to dinner too. I love to take care of my babe. That's why he has no problem going above & beyond to keep a smile on my face. He's spoiled by his woman. :-)

WOW! This is a delicate issue. Sounds like she has the battered woman syndrome. Calling her mother may be your best option at the moment, but even that is not guaranteed to keep her away from this guy.

Until she comes to her senses and realizes this man is no good for her, there is nothing much anyone can do.

Please pray that God will open her eyes!

I do!

sexymoma: hmm op do you think they really wanna have you or they want to nyash you
When you get to those married men's house don't be surprise that their wives are much prettier than you do.
All they want is your honeypot, even if you are ugly they are still gonna run after you.
They might promise you heaven and earth, just give them a tip of your honeypot and see how they are gonna detest you.

Is good to know how beautiful you are but not always good when you show excessive pride about it.

Who are jumping to conclusions. I made no comment about wanting to be with a married man. I was raised better than that. On top of it all, there is already a man in my life I love dearly.

I was simply expressing my frustration with having to deal with men constantly wanting to be with me.

I have a very light complexion & you know how African men love that. Plus have grey eyes -- my dad is mixed. I kind of have that "exotic" look.

Dannylux: My anger is the way they paint Nigerian men especially the igbos. Can't He love her genuinely without any conceited motive??

It's just disheartening that its coming from African ladies. You think you're looking out for your fellow woman but can't be done without tarnishing the good image of African men?

She posted a photo on Nairaland, big deal?! You don't have your photos on Facebook or twitter? Aren't there social media too? or is Nairaland any different?

Bloody hypocrites!

Nairaland is a public forum. On facebook you are entitled to more privacy.

The girl who suggested her man was using her is not African. She's an American woman just like the OP.

I never suggested he was using her, as I do not know the details of her relationship. I simply said, her behavior on this forum was unlady-like. If she wants to keep her man she can't be plastering half naked photos of herself all over the internet.

You are the hypocrite in all this. Because you know darn well if this was your woman, you've would've been angry beyond measure. Instead of being honest and giving her advice that can actually help her in the future, you are here trying to play "Mr. Nice Guy."

Would you want your woman to come on nairaland, post her photos all over the board and talk about your relationship? And on top of it all arguing with strangers like a complete maniac. I don't think you would want that. But here you are encouraging such behavior because it's no your woman.

And if you read my posts. Not once did I attack this lady, her relationship or her man. I simply spoke of her unruly behavior on here.

Her fellow American was the one telling her that this man was just using her. NOT me. So keep me out of it. Mtchewwww!

Osahon7: ^^That one of the reasons am finding it difficult to let GO..she hardly ask me for money, I send her card at my own will..

Well she probably doesn't ask you for money because "rare gem" is giving her all the money she needs.

You can choose to stay with her, but you must confront the current situation. You must resolve your current issues.

This woman rarely calls you, has a picture of herself and another man as her phone wallpaper & on YOUR birthday all you get is a mere whatsapp message. Not even a happy birthday card or a loving phone call?

You need to read between the lines. You are not a priority for her. You are one of many options.

Love is all about actions. She claims she loves you, but what is she doing to make you feel loved?

Can't you see that she's showing more LOVE to "rare gem" than you? Please read between the lines.

As I mentioned above, if you want to stay with her confront the situation. Tell her the truth about the way you feel. Let her know you simply cannot continue like this. If she can't love you the right way, you're just gonna have to find a woman who will.

QueenR.A.W:
Sure, whatever you say lady.African or American.A fool is a Fool.I do not take advice from fools.

Lol! Whatever rocks your boat. :-)

Osahon7: ^^ but in all do u reali tink am at the loosing end?? Tru out “ our time” together we neva had se.x because she told me she was a Vir.gin and she wish to have it on her wedding nite...

I can't comment on her virginity. I don't know her personally nor do I have much information on her. But all I can say is, virgin or not, this woman has been untruthful to you. Think about it, if she has lied about so many things, how can you be sure she's not lying about her virginity?

Another question I wanted to ask you, do you send her money?

QueenR.A.W:
Regardless of you nationality, your are still a Fool.You make so many assumptions, and feel entitled to sharing them.You have stated nothing of value, and your response was a waste of time.I don't have the energy nor time to even read such rubbish.....whatever you say lady, whatever makes you feel good about yourslef or helps you sleep at night.

In all this, you still think I'm the fool?

As the other chick mentioned, a couple of months down the road, you'll be back here with a sob story.

I made NO assumptions about your supposed relationship. I simply made an assessment based on your behavior on this forum, and gave you constructive criticism.

As I mentioned above, I'm all African. Born in Africa and raised by Africans. If you want to keep that your Igbo man, learn how to respect yourself.

QueenR.A.W:
Genuinely Beautiful women usually don't complain of such, nor do they ever say things like "I wish I wasnt so pretty"........I wonder why mainly men who are attached, men with wives who only have room for side pieces and second fiddles are interested in you. ..hhhmmm.... something to ponder.

Looks like I have a stalker. Wonderful. Unlike you, I will not post pictures of myself on a public forum to create uncessary attention and embarrass my man.

I gave you constructive criticism. If you want to keep your man, change your ways.

pasqal09: The summary of the whole tin is that, these ladies are jealous of the Op.

I don't mean to brag, but I'm a beautiful African woman. I'm in a great relationship with an amazing guy.

There's absolutely nothing to be jealous about.

QueenR.A.W:
Once again, why would these photos not be my own?Do you not see the photo with FlowerPowers name in it? Being that they are my photos,Why would I not be truly dating a Nigerian Igbo man?In these modern times it is not common for people to share photos of themselves on social media sites such as facebook, instagram , twitter etc.Are those sites not just as public as this forum?As mentiond in a previous statement, many of these photos can be found under the same username you see here for such social media accounts. Where do you see me putting his name on blast? Do you know how many Onyedikachukwus exist? Who said that was his first last, or middle name?
In no way am I being "unruly" .I'm simply pointing out Flower Powers obvious stupidity.None the less you are entitled to your opinion, no matter how miniscule it may be to me.My Man has no reason to be embarrased.If I choose to utilize Someones stupidity for my own entertainment, that is my choice and my right. What is with all these bitter women spreading their lack of purpose and negativity.

Do you know how to translate Love Messgaes from English to Igbo? If not then why are you here? Please refer to the original post.If you have nothing to contribute to that, then you have nothing to contribute here.Other than Flower Powers Hater Brigade.

Lol! I find it quite interesting that you're calling me bitter, while I'm in a happy & healthy relationship, you are here begging people to teach you how to ask for forgiveness in a language that is not your own.

I will not speak prematurely about your relationship. I can't say your man is using you because I do not know the details of your relationship. But, as an AFRICAN woman, I know my African men quite well.

A girl who comes on a public forum arguing with strangers and posting half naked photos of herself is not one an African man can take seriously.

I suggest you enjoy this relationship while it's still alive because based on your behavior & attitude, that man will run as soon as he finds someone better.

Just so you know, Africans care too much about what people think of them. Nigerian men are full of pride. If any of his friends/family were to run into this post and see how you're making a complete fool out of yourself, he would be devestated.

Oh, and while you're here giving yourself a headache to learn a foreign language and being an internet gangster, his family is preparing a beautiful igbo bride from his village for him to marry.

If you want to win the heart of an African man, learn how to respect yourself.

Deuces!

Osahon7: Thanks Doc. For ur reply..now I knw better....nxt month is her birthday,20th dec to be precised,I intend to take her out dat, have fun with her after wich I call off d relationship dat very day...do u tink she will feel the impact more if I call off d r/ship on her birthday?

I wouldn't advise waiting till next month. Break up with her as soon as possible. But, to really create a bigger impact you can tell her, you were planning on doing something very special for her on her birthday. You planned to take her out and pamper her, but because she had been treating you poorly, you decided to cancel everything. This will leave her feeling bad about all the lies she told you.

QueenR.A.W:
Hmmm , you said that my photo is not my own.Foolish woman..LMBAO Does my face look familiar.I looked at your picture.How Ironic, it seems as if you are the one who is truly Mad...lol

Either these photos are not yours or you're not really dating a Nigerian man. No Nigerian man, or any man, wants pictures of his woman plastered all over a public forum. Naija men, especially Igbo, can be quite controlling. They don't like unruly women.

You are here putting his name on blast , posting images you claim are of you and making a complete full of yourself by arguing with strangers.

What happens if someone who knows your man runs into this forum? Can you just imagine the embarrassement you're gonna cause him?

Please get yourself together.

2s£xy:

?

sweetestguy: amen dear,,bt learning hw to control ur emotions and learning to drop emotions, which would produce more results?

You can't drop your emotions. You just need to learn to control them. Practice breathing exercises. Whenever you get really emotional, breath in & let go. This relaxes your nerves.

FlowerPower:

I think you are right. I see it for myself, but it helps talking to someone else. Even with all his good qualities, there is no way I can be married to a Muslim man.

So, what's the next step?

FlowerPower: Well we were talking tonight and out of the blue he says "I am not Muslim but in Islam..." This religion is in his heart of hearts .

I'm sorry, but this man is a Muslim at heart and the chances of him turning back to his religion are very high. If you don't want to marry a Muslim, you need to let this guy go. Let him go before you get too attached.

Osahon7: Love doc. Na God go bless you for dis thread...hmm where will I start from..okay, let's see...I have been dating dis girl for over a year now, she claims she loves me very much, bt she barely calls me,I do d calling most of d time to the extent dat on my birthday self she sent me whatsapp message,she didn't call
(2)There is dis number I saw on her fone, she stored it as“a rare gem”, I asked her abt him she said, the guy is like her brother dat dey are very close friends no strings attached and dat her mom even refer to the two of dem as brodas and sisters, even her fone wallpaper is the pics of her and dis guy..she even told me she is goin to the cinema wit him on sunday
(3) Recently she told me dat she has given me 80%percent of her heart and dat its remaining 20% I don't knw wat she met by dat.
(4)Just yesterday on facebook,I changed my relationship status on frm singel to“In a relationship with” I sent her a notification for her to accept on fb dat we are in a relationship so dat it can be displayin on her fb profile, she said she can't accept it..but she claim to love me...
Wat do u tink?shuld I call it off and channel my love to a worthy girl ? I tink she is just playing wit me

Hi There,

This girl doesn't love you. All the signs are clear. Why does she have a pic of her and another man as her phone wallpaper? And why would she save his name as "rare gem"? On your birthday she only sent you a Whatsapp message. She didn't even bother calling or doing a little something special for you.

As for the fb relationship status, that doesn't really mean much because not everyone likes to put their personal life on display for the whole world to see. So, she has every right to refuse.

But based on everything else you told me, this woman has you as her back up plan while she sees other men.

My advice to you: Call her and confront the situation. Don't let her sweet talk you and feed you lies. Tell her you can't be with a dishonest woman. Then tell her you wish to stop the relationship and will only reconsider the whole thing again when she tells you the truth about everything.

If she plays the innocent card. End things with her and move on with your life. The last thing you want is to be in a relationship with a liar. You deserve better!

Mrs..Cork:
Good job,pls keep it up.

Thanks a lot!

Godswill A Judins: i saw ma new babe talking with another dude today where. as she told on phone that she is busy.should i terminate the relationship an move on?

She told you she was busy, but you saw her talking to another guy?

"Talking" in what sense? and where did you see her?

Did you bring up this issue to her attention?

I need more information.

onye-ka-chee:
Goodday my fellow nairalanders,please I am caught in a dilemma right now,I am in deep shet please listen to my story
I dated a guy for like a year before we called it quits,in summary he fell in love with someone else and he abandoned me for her,after crying bitterly for months,I decided to get hold of myself n move on,right now the girl has dumped him and she is dating someone else,just last night,I got a.message from him that he wants to come spend the night in my house so we could have some makeup sex and be a pair once more........right now I need to pay him back for his evil deed even though I am not going back,I need some tips to make him suffer

The best way to make him suffer is to tell him you never ever want to see him again. He should've never left you for that other chick. Tell him you're happy and patiently waiting for the right man.

If you have sex with him, you'll regret it and I guarantee you, you'll be back here crying about how he dumped you again.

That is my advice to you.

sweetestguy: wen I get attached to a particular thing,I find it so hard to forget abwt dat tin,be it place,event etc, wen I remember sad events I jus go into a very sober mood, wen I remember good times,I wish de can com bak again,I'll ponder on dem and wit d realization dat it can't com bak again,I becom sober,I'm jus too sensitive abwt some tins,sometimes I worry abwt tins dat others wudnt,I ponder abwt so many tins, existence,why I'm here on earth,y I'm from a particular race.wen I read some philosophical articles my mind jus goes into excitement of wonderin hw pleasant it is,I tink of a happy life happy world,wen I can't find everytin bein happy around me,I go into a sober mood,I could go on and on,jus dat I'm jus sensitive to anytin I'm seriously attached to

I see. You need to learn how to control your emotions. And you also need to understand, things aren't always as bad as they seem. You are creating unnecessary stress in your life. Just live and leave the rest to God.

There's something I do whenever I'm under a lot of stress or highly emotional; I take a deep breath and I let go. This always helps me. Next time you find yourself worried about something, just take really deep breath and let go, and you will feel so much better.

If you are a Christian, I would suggest asking God to help you control your emotions.

I speak emotional stability into your life in the name of JESUS!

Energito: Goodmorning=pls i have a very big problem that is eating me up.i meet my g.f last xmas at the process we started dating from there.when i ask her out she told me open that she get angry easily dat her temper always controls her that i shud always bear with her on that.i said no problem but to tell you the truth shes lovely and caring anytime shes in good mood but if she get angry here i'm going to beg for like 3days b4 she agree to settle with me this has been happening since i knew her but the truth is dat shes gud whenever shes in gud mood i cant deny that but i dnt have problem wit d behaviour anymore cux i hav mastered,is now part of me.b4 i forget i have not seen dis girl face to face since last year xmas due to our distance but we love eachother so much we also talk on phone 4 times in a day but something happen this month dat got me confuse,that my g.f called me one 9t as we are talking she told me dat shes going to call me back later i said no problem so i waited for her call she didnt call.so i try her number myself but wen i called her she was making call i waited for like 1hr she was also makin dsame call,when she later call me back she say that she was sorry dat a fnd called her i ask her if it was a guy dat called her she said yes,i said no problem dat am not agary.three days later dat same thing happen again when i ask she dat shes sorry dat a fnd called her,i said no problem.the one dat got me more confuse is the one that happen last wrk,i called her one 9t not a night call cux i dnt do night call,i call around 9pm when i called her like 5times she didnt pick up my calls i said to myself maybe she don sleep but my heart told me to try again when i did she busy the call for like 2times,i ask myself is she busy? Around 9.30pm when i called her number again it was sayin number busy from that 9.30 till 11pm.wen she finish making the call i called her back but she didnt pick up b4 i slept off,so i called her in the morning when she pick up she told me that she was sorry dat she saw my missed calls dis morning that she slept off on time but when i told that she busy my calls b4 she started making another call she told me that it wasnt her number dat i called that she have finish making the call b4 she i called her,dat am accusing her of lieing b4 i cud said a word she cut the call nd called nd called she didnt pick up but we later settle dat,but since then things changed she doesnt call me as she use to do b4 even wen i call her it take her time to pick my calls even the 9t we use to talk she doesnt call me again at 9t like she use to do b4 even wen i called her,her number will be busy.i don't know wat to do again anytime i want to talk about dat with her she get angry and cut the call.i cant talk to her face2face due to our distance but she will be coming back dis xmas.pls help me on wat to do cux i love dis girl so much.

Hi Dear,

I have to be 100% honest with you. I understand you love this girl very much, but based on the story you've just told me, this girl doesn't feel the same way about you.

I'm under the impression you're her back up plan. She most likely has a boyfriend or is seeing multiple men wherever she is. You're the guy she's keeping around in case those don't work out.

If she truly loved/cared about you, she would make the effort to call you often in order to remove whatever worry you may be having. She doesn't care about the fact that you can barely get her on the phone bothers you.

You sound like a great guy. I think any woman would be happy to be with a guy who is as caring/loving as you. You need to dump this woman and find one who is going to respect you and care about your feelings.

This girl has shown you numerous time that she has no consideration for your feelings by constantly ignoring your calls even though she knows it bothers you. She doesn't even care to present a proper excuse and when you ask her about it she cuts the phone on you. Is this the kind of woman you want to be with? I don't think so!

My advice to you: Tell her she has been disrespectful and has shown no consideration towards your feelings. Tell her you are tired of being treated poorly. Tell her if she doesn't want to change her behavior you will be forced to move on and find a girl who will treat you well. Tell her not to come for Christmas because you don't want to see her. Tell her you have lost the desire to see her because of how she's been treating you. After that, IGNORE her! Do not call her or text her. IGNORE her!

If she cares for you, she will come running & begging for forgiveness. This will give you back control of the relationship.

If she doesn't come running back, dear just move on with your life because this woman doesn't care about you one bit.


I hope this helped!

sweetestguy: This is really killing me,I'm jus way too emotional, I worry about little things that shouldn't just disturb me, I get emotions in almost evry aspect of life,ranging from family,environment,situations,skul etc, I hardly blame myself,I think its as a result of d way I was brought up,but this is really killing me.pls I need advice from professionals,pyscologists,health personnels everybody, pls Mod I beg u ,help me get this to FP.I'm really going nuts, I rily need advice & tips on how to stop this as its seriously affecting every aspect of my life,,,ill apreciate ur comments,,insults are welcomed ,I don't mind,I jus want to stop this

Hi Dear,

Can you please explain these emotions in detail?