₦airaland Forum

lertee: Lol,if a guy or a lady is cheating,they can be in the same town even the same area yet they sleep with other people it is a game known as "smartest",if you are smart enough,you will cheat conveniently even if you live in the same compound so what are you saying.
I would like you to rephrase and write " distance relationship cannot work for me".

Of course it happens. I'm not denying that, but when they are far away, they could easily create a whole new life with another person. They could have that person sleepover every night, cook, clean and they can easily go out in public without any fear of running into familiar faces.

Lol, is that what you want? To each his own.

mencade6: hmmmm...we have seen the truth. She is one the ladies that chat that way. What is your gain when u chat unwittingly?

I'm a serial texter so I definitely do not chat that way. Trust and believe that.

I'm only trying to explain why these chicks may be talking this way.

I don't believe in playing games. A grown man appreciates that.

oshyno: I have some issues will like u look into it.

I even opened a thread , though with another moniker,because of this but the advices i got left me more confused.

We stay in different states. I hv gone to see her just once but then we have been speaking on phone almost every time . We do the lovey dovey thing on phone. she said she likes everything about me, that I always make her smile n happy but said I shud wait that she is not yet ready to start a relationship with me.

I told her if she promise that she wont start dating any other guy weneva she is ready that am ready to wait. She couldn't give explicit answer. I asked her wen is she going to be ready to start a relationship she said she doesnt know. That the whole relationship thing is choking n wud want us to be best friends for now. My dilemma here is that I can say yes she likes me n I love this babe to pieces- maybe that is why i hv not been able to let go with all those attitudes. I really want a serious girl in my life. My work doesnt really give me time n I want if I shud be traveling all the way again to see her atleast there has to be something in there for me.

B4 i forget, av pressed her for a relationship like 2times and each time I come out with not yet ready. We started since May. She told me yestersday dat we are like 4 guyz that want to start dating her.

What do u make of these. N what should I do.

Okay. I have to be very honest with you. This woman is playing the field. She's most likely rotating lots of men. I get the impression she loves male attention and I'm not sure this is the kind of woman you want to have as a serious girlfriend.

But here's my advice to you, frankly tell her how you feel. Tell her you are not interested in friendship, you are looking for a relationship. She told you there are many men wanting to date her, right? Well you tell her, there are many woman in line to date you as well and if she doesn't want to be with you, you are going to move on with your life.

I'm under the impression this chick loves attention, so try to ignore her. Go 3 days without contacting her and please do not go see her. Be a little cold towards her. Don't giver her too much access to you. This girl has you wrapped around her fingers, you need to regain control of the situation.

Honestly speaking, I'm not getting a good feeling about this woman. I really want you to be open to meeting other people because this woman doesn't sound serious.

I hope this helped!

ruthy28: Hello pls I need ur advice my story is a bit long so bear with me.
I dated this guy for abt 2yrs everyting was fine btwn us we were even talkin abt marriage, den all of a sudden he said he couldn't marry me cause of d church I attend so he broke up with me and we had talked about it n I told him when/if we get married I will attend his church. Nw he says he still loves me and want us to get bck together and I still love him so I would love for us to make up but what I dnt knw is shld I ask him abt his plans for us or me b4 I go back in or shld I just go in with blind faith. And does my askin abt his plan for us/ me mk me sound desperate?? Pls advice me am confused dnt knw what to do. Thanks in advance

Hi There,

Let me tell you something dear: don't ever let any man trick you into believing asking about the plans he has for your relationship makes you sound desperate. You have every right to know his intentions.

Before you make up with this guy, make sure you know his intentions for you. Make sure they are clear.

I wouldn't speak against going into this with blind faith. I believe God can work wonders for the both of you, but you both need to be on the same page emotionally.

I say once you have that talk with him and all things are cleared out, give the relationship another try.

Please keep in touch. Let me know how the conversation went.

Barryp: Ask & get answers! Helo frnd. Pls I nid ur advise on ds isue that has caused me sleepless nights. I hav bin dating this young girl for 2 yrs now. In Sept this yr, she said we shld get married nxt yr or atmost in 2015. I told her I wont be redy and we parted. She came bak last wik apologizin and we startd all over again. The prblm nw is dat ystday she called that shes confused. She said she'd acepted a proposal wen we seperated bt came bak 2 me havin realisd my ril lov 4 her. Nw she said she dosnt want 2 hurt eithr of us dat shes confused. Wat shld I do plz? Is it posibl 2 lov a guy she met 2 moths ago dat much, or has she bin seein her all d while we're 2geda?

Hi There,

Interesting story.

Well, a few scenarios come to mind: 1) She's playing mind games to get you to propose quickly, 2) She has been cheating all along, 3) It is very possible that she met this guy 2 months ago and because she's so desperat for marrige, she accepted his proposal without really knowing him, or 4) She's trying to trick/trap you into marrying her sooner.

Based on what you've told me, it's quite obvious this woman is desperately in search for marriage and will run into the arms of any man who proposes marriage. But her issue is, she actually loves you. Yes, she wants to be with you, but because you won't give her what she wants, she's looking elsewhere.

My question to you is, do you have plans to marry this girl? If you are serious about marrying her, sit her down and have a conversation with her. Get her to understand you will give her what she wants & much more, but she needs to be patient. Women want assurance. When we reach a certain age, we like to know we are not wasting our times in doomed relationships.

If you know in your heart you don't plan on marrying this woman, do the right thing and let her go. Let her go be with a person who will give her what she wants.

But, if you are serious about her, have the conversation with her. If she's still confused, do something that will convince her that you both will eventuall tie the knot. You can give her a symbolic gift or letter.

Have the conversation as soon as possible and let me know how it goes.

Tip: 1) Always maintain control during the conversation. 2) Sound sincere and genuine.

Good luck!

mohaolajide: Hello there,
I have this ex i can't just get over and seriously i don't know why am finding it so hard,i know she's dating someone now but the feelings are still there,she was the first girl i truly fell in love with but she didn't feel the same.we had dated for 7 months before our break up and honestly it was torture all through she was into it for like two months and after that she just become incredibly cold and nasty.i would always show her i cared for her but it meant nothing to her,she always made me feel there were better guys out there will do better than i did.to be honest i know she loved me at some point but it all of a sudden just disappeared.. what do i do cos i rily love her

Hi There,

I sympathize with you dear. I understand everything you're going through and sincerely get why you're feeling this way, but you need to get over this girl.

I don't want to sound too harsh, but as a professional, I need to tell you what you need to hear and not what you want to hear.

This lady never loved you. She may have liked you for a period of time, but certainly didn't love you. And the fact that she moved on to someone else so quickly proves it.

You sound like a great guy. And believe me, there are hundreds of women waiting to be with a guy like you. You don't need to be crying over this girl. She is not worth it all dear.

My advice to you is, go on a few dates with other women. Don't jump into a serious relationship yet because you're still vulnerable and a woman would be able to sense it, and if she's a bad girl like your previous girlfriend, she will take advantage of you. I don't want you heartbroken again.

Just go on a few fun dates. Spend a lot of time with your friends, family or co-workers. This is not a good time for you to spend a lot of time alone. When you are alone, you'll be forced to think about her.

Get occupied with a hobby. Don't give yourself much free time. This will make the process of forgetting her easier.

As I mentioned before, you deserve better. There is a woman out there who will love you the way you deserve to be loved.

Be strong and know that I'm always here if you need encouragement.

X0X0

dmcdad: I think that question belongs to you girls cause you don't know what you want. Men know what they want, buh they keep changing strategies and techniques cause most women on the other hand don't know what they want. So, as logical as men are wired ro think or act, women are rather illogical and are hardwired to act spontaneously to an illogical state.

Besides, no one says you should be too fast or too furious. Lol. Just be normal and let things unwind itself in a reasonable way and manner. What happens to moderation? Haba!

I agree with you. I'm not denying what you're saying. I just want men to admit their role in all this.

I'm all for acting normal. I don't have time to play childish games.

Dubemkelly: U sure know wah u doing. Greatly impressed dearie

Thanks dear! Just trying to help people out. :-)

ipain: My chic...

We are currently some states apart and she agreed to come and see.

Her bank isn't here so I paid t-fair into an account she gave me. When it was time for her to show up, she said the person whom I paid the money into his/her account isn't around and that the person will not be back till a week gone.

Since she had decided to stay over a week, I felt she would get the money back before that time.

So, I sent her another one to come and this time, it had to go through my friend who reside at a place where her bank is available; the guy had to miss an appointment because they refused to collect the money from him till 10 am.

After calculation, she neither called to let me know if would come as at when due.. I had to start calling. The phone rang for so long due to multiple calls. At first I was scared if something had happened because in between those multiple calls, the phone was switched off at on time.

when she would pick all she could say was, she isn't coming and that we will talk later.

My anger is not the money but the magnitude of her immaturity and insensitivity.

As i type this now, she neither called or text to say sorry.

I thought of asking her to refund the whole cash or something that will make her never dare such with either me or any guy for that matter.

If not for the distance, I would have given nothing less that 5 slaps.

Although I understand your anger & frustration, I can't support domestic violence. But, this woman is definitely a con artist. You're a good guy. You deserve better.

I hope you dropped her like a bag of hot potatoes.

Sanguine: Abeg guys, make una nor vex jare... I appologize On behalf of the reasonable ladies here...

If I wasn't so classy, I would've snatched your wig a long time ago. Mtchewww

dmcdad: And if the girls don't play such games, does it make them anything else than easy? Nope! They are still easy and cheap. Most of them do all that crap outta shear ignorance and foolishness.

For your last paragraph, if you don't wanna talk with a guy why show him the interest in the first place? Haba! After doing all that and they get to 30 they start blaming it on their family members. Mtchew

Matter of fact, how you respond at the beginning doesn't really tell the whole story, its how you respond as time goes on that tells if you are cheap and desperate. A girl might say yes to a guy's proposal out of hand, buh might be a girl of dignity and integrity. Would you say she is cheap because she said yes pronto? If you are cheap, then you are cheap, the beginning doesn't speak much. Forget about the IGG, a girl that is cheap, easy, slutty remains the same whether she did IGG or not...

You'd better change your OT. Haven't you seen guys that are willing to chase you for 3 years just to get to your pants? Girl! Gbágbé... Leave matter for matthias

You clearly missed the point. The same men who claim they like classy chicks, chase the slutty chicks. This is why women act slutty. That's the same analogy I used for the "conversation" situation. If we show interest too fast, we are easy. If we play games, we are childish. For the love of God, what do you men want?

pasqal09: A man tries to intiate a convo with a girl and she knocking him off. Tell me how that's is the fault of the man

African girls like to play these games because they don't want the guy to think she's easy.

If you men encouraged women who invite conversations a lot more, that's exactly what you would get from them.

I bet if the girl was talking to him a lot he would've called her "easy to get" or some other name.

Oliseloke: Hi....Pls bear with me,my story may be long.....
Der's dis girl whom I like very much...I've known her for 4yrs now.We startd out as casual friends den later became inseparable but I had a GF nd I stayed faithful to her.My GF nd I later broke up,nd me nd dis chic became closer...but I didn't ask her out,cos I felt we were just friends.It wasn't until she opened up to me on d phone(she took a 3mnths trip) dat she liked me since,nd wud hv agreed to go out with me if I asked..buh I was too into my GF..dat was wen I knew I had been sleeping on okada.Anyways,she got bq,nd I asked her out but she keeps giving excuses.She likes being arnd me,nd pple dat knw us think we are dating,but we aren't.We txt eachoa for
hrs non stop,nd talk late into d nyt.She gets jealous wen she sees oda girls arnd me.Yet she keeps saying No.What do I do

Hi There,

This sounds like a complicated situation. Here's what I think:

She certainly likes you, but it's either a)she doesn't know what she wants, b)she's playing games or c)she's involved with another person.

One thing I always tell my clients (this always seems to work)--be honest with the person. Tell her exactly how you feel. Tell her you like her and want to take things to the next level. Tell her you don't want to play any games and if things don't progress you will be forced to move on.

Have a serious conversation with her. Be in control of the conversation. I can guarantee you she will open up and be frank with you as well.

But, if she keeps up with the same old excuses, say ok. Don't act like it bothers you. Starting the next day, go a week without messaging/calling/seeing her. This let's her know you mean business.

Trust me, she will come running back to you.

If you follow my advice, things will work in your favour.

Good luck!

chiboy1928: dnt discourage the @op pls u said u are a relationship counsellor as being quoted by ur post on one of the thread I expect u to give the op a reasonable advice nt dis ur negative advice it can work if u must know complicated or not it all bores down to trust and regular communication btw the both of them tanks.

Dear, please read my post correctly. I said, it can work, but it will take 2 very dedicated individuals to make it work. Additionally, I have to be honest. As a professional, it's my job to tell people what they need to hear and not what they want to hear.

I would not encourage a long distance relationship for obvious reasons.

But, there are people out there who make it work. It just requires lots of dedication to one another.

lertee: This is how shallow we think of ourselves,we give so much room for doubts and allow insecurity to take over.
See,the fact that you are in the same vicinity with your partner doesn't mean they would not cheat on you. A man or woman can cheat under the nose of his or her partner so forget that thing that "you don't know what they are doing", of course you can tell what your partner is doing.
Distance or no distance a cheating partner will still cheat,and the one that will be faithful will definitely stay faithful.

Well him cheating when he's miles away surely gives him more leverage. Is that what you want?

The "other woman" could be sleeping on his bed every night. He can easily have a double life. How will you know?

I strongly discourage long distance relationships, unless you and this person were together for a long time & one of you moved to another country/city. In that case, I think it's acceptable because you already have a strong bond.

All other circumstances are a big NO!

Danhumprey: Thank you,jare! You really understand the situation well. Personally,such habit can be so annoying! Imagine after typing a long epistle,with your fingers paining you and all you get as response is a monosylabic answer. You would really feel like beating the hell outta that person.

Yes, but you need to ask yourselves, why are these chicks acting this way?

You men are partially to blame. Don't just call the girls out & make yourselves look like angels.

Monstertrucks: I'm in love with my dog,but lately he picked up this habit of pooing erywhere just to annoy me, even on my bed. Help please.

Sorry buddy! Can't help you. You might want to consult a dog trainer.

Good luck.

Energito: Goodmorning everybody,my name is obinna am from delta state.pls fnds dont insult me becux of my poor English rather give me an advice has a brother or a friend.=Here goes my story,i have a girlfnd who i started dating since last xmas all 2ru we have not seen eachother since then due to our distance but since after the xmas which we saw eachother face2face we always call eachother on phone more than 4times everyday but since this month i begin to notice changes in her.what i mean is this,i called this girl two weeks ago when i called she told me that she's going to call me back later,i said to myself ok if you say so.after waited for mins for her to call me back she didnt call,i said ok since she didnt call let me call her but when i called her back i notice that she's makin a call,i waited for like 1hour before she ends the call beside is not time for night call.well later she called me back when she called she told me that shes sorry that a fnd called her,that i shud not be angry.i asked her if its a guy that called her she said yes that shes sorry i told her no problem since i trust her.four days ago this samething happened again she also said that she's sorry that a fnd called her i said no problem that all is well that i trust her so we started talking normal again but the same thing happend yesterday night which got me confused,i called her around 8.45pm last night when i was calling her she didn't pick my call but i keep calling her she didn't pick up,i said to myself is like she don sleep but my mind was telling me that she has not nt slept off.so i say let me try again so i started calling her again but she didn't pick up but when i wanted to call her the last one she busy the call,i called her again she busy the call like 3times before she pick up and told me that she will call me back,that her sister who she's staying with is back i cut the call.so i waited for her call again she didnt call so i said to myself use another to call her so i use my guy phone to call her but her number was writing number busy for almost 30mins that i was calling her before i slept off,when i woke up this early morning i check my phone to know if i cud see her missed calls but i see non,i also called her number it was switch off.am confuse about all this things if i tell her that she's cheatin on me or even say anything like that to her she will take it as if i dnt trust her nd she will be very angry with me.friends i need your advices on what to do.all i said is not a joke but truth.pls advice me

Obinna, I know you are in love, but you need to stop giving this girl so much attention. Clearly, she's taking you for granted. Based on her behavior as you've explained it, she's definitely cheating on you with possibly more than one guy.

Take 3 days for yourself. Hang out with fiends & don't contact her. If she calls you, tell her the truth about how you feel. If she doesn't call, just forget her.

You sound like an amazingly sweet guy! This chick doesn't deseve you.

lertee: Distance relationship works perfectly, it only depends on how you handle it.
Trust is the keyword to hold when thinking of a distance relationship,if you cannot trust your partner then there's no point going into a relation in the first place.

I don't like how you're throwing around this word "trust." How do you learn to trust someone you rarely see? Or someone who lives miles away?

You don't even know what they are up to.

dahmie2013: Thanks Hisrib, I'm not in any relatnship currently, but judging by ur analysis, I'm fine den. I wanted dis info cos I fear wen I eventually go into one or wen I get married, I see my boyfriend or husband doing more of d asking dan myself, since I don't feel d need much&i'm not circumsised 2. I'm dis, if it comes fine, if it doesn't fine person.

@Ogugua88 I'm sorry I brought it here, but u don't get 2 see matured ppl like dis in dat sectn, only kids with deir funny fictns.

You're very welcome sweetheart. Don't worry about him doing all of the asking, it's a norm for the husband/man to do much of the asking in most relationship.

You will be just fine!

ogugua88: Lol. I can't say I blame you. This thread is a great idea. Keep it up.

Thanks dear!

ogugua88: Sex-related questions should be asked in the Sexuality section. Thank you.

Ok, thanks. I'm not going to create another thead in the sexuality section. Aint got that kind of time.

[quote author=Gabriel_sylar]I met dis girl @ tantaliser...allen junction...we started talking and I bought her a drink....she said she was waiting for her guy by 6PM..I said I will keep her compnay 5min to when the guy will arrive...she just laughed and said ok...so when it was 5 min to 6...I stood up to leave...and I asked for her PIN...and I left....leter dat evening she accepted my BBM invite...but I noticed that when I chat her...she reads the chat immediately and replies after 30min...I just believed this was her nature...but for two weeks her response to me had been...

Hi...

K

Yea

Lol

Aiit

Notn

Sup

Even when I like.....do howz work and ur office...hope ure managing well in traffic....she won't respond till after 3 hours and all she will say is

Cool...

Well I gor tired finally and I stopped chatting her...

Next day she put on her dp “God gimme a man that won't give up on me”....I didn't even think d dp had anything to do with me

Early two days ago....dis hi,cool,sup, etc etc monosyllablic girl sent me a 7 line msg....saying dat me I don't understand women,am not patient,am in a hurry...why did I stop chatting her...that she just wanted to know if I was serious or not.....

Alllll I could say to her was

K.....and I have just lost every single interest in her....totally

....I wonder why ladies must do this all d time its immature[/quote]I'm sure if she had given you some attention, you would have called her easy. That's why women, especially African women play those games.

What you need to understand is, women behave in ways that are pleasing to men. If you see many girls to day dressing up as sluts it's because men chase & lust after that.

If you started appreciating women who give you attention instead of calling them "easy", believe me, they will stop these silly games.

As a relationship expert & someone who has been involved in a long distance relationship, I believe it can work, but it takes 2 very dedicated individuals to make it work.

Relationships are quite hard, so the person being far can make things a lot more complicated.

Overall, I wouldn't encourage it.

XoXo

dahmie2013: Ok, I haven't had sex since Jan&i don't feel ny urge 4 it @ all. Maybe cos I'm preoccupied with oda tins like family responsibilites.

I'm a lady, in my mid 20s. Do u tink it I have issues or I will have issues later. Wat are d consequences.

So if I understand correctly, you haven't had sex in 10 months?

Are you single, married or in a relationship? If you're single it's perfectly normal. If you're married, that's definitely a problem.

If you are in a relationship, unless both you and your partner have agreed not to have sex, it can cause many problems.

Could you provide me with more details on your relationship status?

XoXo

dahmie2013: What of sex related questns?

All relationship related questions, including sex. I'm not a sex expert, but I would be happy to answer any questions you may have.

deltateam: Okay my turn!
I was walking behind this girl when all of a sudden,she turned around and gazed at me for about 10 seconds and smiled before looking ahead.I won't lie she is my kind of girl physically and I feel sad and angry at myself for not attempting to make conversation.
I have lost quite a lot of chances like this.What is wrong with me?
I care a lot of what people will say to my detriment.I feel they will look at me as a womanizer and I pretend like I don't care about a girl while dying inside.

Sister please help me overcome this complex.Another problem is I don't have a job and so don't have money to give a girl a nice treat in terms of fast food joint etc at the moment.

Your advice will save a soul.

Hi there,

First of all, why would people look at you as a womanizer? Do you have a reputation for being a "player"? If yes, I can give you some guidance on how to clean up your image.

As for your money situation, I don't think getting a girlfriend should be your main priority at the moment. I think you should focus on getting a job. Not so you can buy your girlfriend gifts and take her out to eat, but just for your own self esteem.

When you have many personal issues, it would be hard for you to truly make your significant other happy or enjoy the relationship.

My advice to you is, focus on getting a job and bettering yourself. You want to be able to give the best you to your partner. Believe me, this will do a lot for your self esteem and confidence.

Good luck!

Alikaxon: There is dis girl I've toasted before but didn't acept, so I moved on but she kept coming closer to me, sending me text nd all that. At these point, I thought she had changed her mind but couldn't say it verbally; So, I now wooed her again, I was surprised that she didn't stil acept, and I am not d type that continues to pester girls around, so I tried to forget totally about her but she is still coming close to me. The whole situation is funny, as in sometimes, she calls me twice a day. Not that we can't be frds if I toasted her nd she didn't acept but am amazed by her, bcox of these, I can't get over her bcox she always makes me think of her. What is she up to?? If she doesn't wana acept me, she shud let me be, so that I can get over her, nd not makin me feel she loves me. Yes! She is making me feel she love me and I don't understand. My brother, na so e be o, I really tire, wetin I go do?

Sounds like you're in love! This girl clearly likes you, but based on what you've said I believe she likes you as a friend. Or, it could also be that, she wants to be with you, but really wants you to chase her. Women love to feel wanted.

My advice: Try to ignore her. When she tries to communicate with you via text message, take longer than usual to respond and at times don't respond at all. If she asks to see you, say no and come up with a good reason/excuse.

Become less and less availabe. By doing this, she will feel like she's losing you and will reveal her true intentions for you.

Another thing you can do is, be honest with her about the way you feel. Tell her that you like her, but feel as though she's leading you on. And because of that, you wish to discontinue your friendship for now. You can say this and see how she reacts.

One thing for sure is, this girl likes you. Us, women, don't enjoy the company of men we don't like or don't find attractive. If we don't like you, we don't want to hear from you at all. In fact, a man we don't like contacting us is something we find extremely annoying.

Try some of the options I mentioned & let me know how it all works out.

Good luck!

Do you have unanswered questions about your relationship?

I'm a certified relationship expert. I give men/ women advice.

If you need help/guidance/advice with regards to your romantic life, I'm here to help.

Ask & get answers!

raficki87: why didnt anybody quote this a ring and a car? and choose a ring. so after the approx. one month giddy feeling of having a ring and having a car that brings comfort and ends the hassle of flying molue everyday. i hope u know wat oppurtunity cost is ring(shorttime joy) and car (joy maybe nt as mush as the ring and also comfort,less stress,ac in holdup etc),, well if i'm the husband i'll get the ring for you organize boiz to steal it when yoi are trekking back on the street home pet you , buy a 1k ring(since i now know its important to u)for you to manage and in the next month buy the car for you. cuz this clearly is one of the instances that a spouse knows beta

1K ring? I would never wear a 1K ring. I deserve a lot more than that. If my supposed future husband shows up with a ring less than 10K, I don't think he knows me well, therefore us getting engaged is probably not a great option.

I have all the qualities required to be an exceptional wife. I'm worth every penny.

ayusco85: [b][/b]Chai see meat o .


Why them waste their time dey run 4miles? Wen they cld ve used a bow and arrow like the one used in "The gods must be crazy?

Because their intention was not to kill/harm the cheetas. They captured them and handed them over to wildlife services.

You're welcome.

therealMcCain: I'm sorry, I never knew that the OP's lifestyle was an epitome of the african culture!!

Truth be told, both of you belong to the same boat, I pasted an excerpt from Wikipedia on the origin of the engagement ring, yet u have refuse to see that it's not an African thing

Pls I'm not cheap, I know what I have done for my partner & what i still plan to do, even if the ring was free or N500, I won't buy it for her

Why should my partner place such importance on something so trivial when there are serious issues to deal with

Funnily, I told her about this thread and ur
Views, her question was will the engagement ring guaranty security or happiness??

bottom line: whatever rocks ur boat dearie

It doesn't guarantee anything. Just like ringless doesn't guarantee anything either.