₦airaland Forum

fubbyy: In each reply u repeat same tin over n over again without making any good point, i told u earlier u r nt just gud in wat u r doing, just quit

Sweetheart, if you think I'm going to argue with you, you are dead wrong. Thank you very much for your feedback.

Have a beautiful day & good luck on your job search.

Xox0

kokoA: @Op.. Nice work. Keep it up! Now my question.. I've been a very close friend with this girl, we talk about anything you can think of and she really relies on my advice on lots of issues. Fast forward to six months ago, I formally asked her out and she took about a month to "think about it". Finally she agreed and the "love" thing started strongly, continued for about a month then all of a sudden we started drifting apart for no reason.. We don't talk like we used to before we began dating officially, we don't share the things we used to anymore, texting and calling is almost nonexistent now. I don't even know if we are still dating. The funny thing here is that we never fought, its just happening.. We tried to figure out what the issues could be and we discovered that there was no issue.. Why are we more like strangers now in a relationship when we used to be best of friends before?

Hi There,

I have seen many situations such as yours. This actually happens quite often.

This is what happened: You guys were great friends. You had a wonderful friendship, but once you started dating you stopped seeing her as a friend, started seeing her only like a girlfriend and that's what caused the drift.

You need to keep the friendship going because that is the core of your relationship. That's what created your bond. You still need to view each other as friends who can talk about anything and hang around each other at any time.

Start doing the activities you used to do when you were just friends and you'll notice the spark in the relationship will return. For example, if you guys used to stay up talking about your favorite movies/shows when you were just friends, go back to doing that. Just because you're dating doesn't mean you should stop oing the activities you used to do when you were friends.

I always tell my clients the luckiest people are the ones married/dating a person they can call a friend.

But, another thing is, you both could be bored with the relationship or maybe you aren't making any effort to keep the spark alive. Do you plan romantic date nights? Do you still dress well for each other? What do you do to keep things exciting?

Relationships don't just work by themselves. You both need to put in the work required to make it work. Take time to see each other more often, give each other compliments, do sweet things for each other, send each othe cute photos throughout the day and much more. Relationships don't just become successful just because you "love" each other. It takes work and effort from both parties to make it work.

Why don't you plan a romantic evening. Dress up, look your best and invite her out. Have a great time and see if the spark is still there 'cause at the end of the day, it could simply be that you guys are not meant to be together.

I'm even more concerned about her behavior because a woman never gets tired of hearing from her man. In a healthy relationship, a woman gets excited every time her man calls/text her. We get butterflies in our stomach as if it was the very first time. But of course it all depends on our moods and stuff, but I'm sure you get the drift.

My advice to you is to plan something cute/romantic for the both of you to do. If there are no fireworks/sparks at all, the best thing to do would be to move on because this means the relationship is dead.

Good Luck!

BarryX: I think sharing your fears with the dude in question could go a long way in understanding his stance.

If your fear is the likely religion your children will grow up with -- Tell HIM
If him marrying more wives under the Islamic tenets the problem-- Tell HIM

If the answers are not satisfactory enough -- OPT out

Religious sentiments are not easy issues when reality sets in -- they can be very dicey. So think carefully before jumping the broom.

I concur!

FlowerPower: I really appreciate your advice. I do not know anyone personally who is married to a Muslim man. Everyone in my family is Christian. There are very few intermarriages with Muslims in my community. I think I need to talk to his family more, especially his brothers.

Yes. Definitely talk to his family about it. Whatever you do, make sure you have all the information necessary before you finally decide whether you want to marry him or not.

I wish you the very best!

fubbyy: u didn't answer dis question, op u r nt just gud in wat u r trying 2 do, i appriciate ur effort but u dnt hav d skills

You are not my first nor will you be my last client. I'm giving you a service I normally charge for free.

As I told you earlier, if you want the confidence required to approach women, focus on bettering yourself. Find employment and this will help in the self esteem department.

Take Care.

Alikaxon: am sorry bro! I was angry at that girl who could make u get disturbed over her birthday, she shouldn't be money driven. Sorry bross!

So, the girl wanting a gift makes her money driven? Are you freaking kidding me?

D you realize a gift doesn't have to be something expensive? Just look for something simple.

According to popular sports gossip blog Terez Owens, Spurs Assistant Coach Ime Udoka and Best Man Holiday actress Nia Long have called it quits.

From Terez Owens:

“San Antonio Spurs Assistant Coach Ime Udoka is no longer seeing actress Nia Long according to our source. The Spurs assistant coach can now seen with Alicia Deforest on his arm. She’s been going back and forth between Washington D.C and San Antonio. Deforest has been a long time friend of Udoka, and the two are said to be getting closer and closer by the day, and the plan is for her to move in eventually. Now that’s how you draw up a good play.” – TO

Long, who gave birth to the former couple’s first child in 2011, showed no sign of trouble on her November, 14th appearance on Power 105′s “The Breakfast Club” to promote “The Best Man Holiday.”

When asked of her relationship with Udoka, she said:

“Going on the road and meeting up with Ime is the fun part ’cause I feel it keeps the relationship exciting and also it’s like a little mini vacation.”

Source: http://afri-culture.com/san-antonio-spurs-assistant-coach-ime-udoka-actress-nia-long-break-up/

FlowerPower: I am quite aware of this viewpoint, which is why I created the thread. I want to hear feedback, so that I do not mislead myself about his long term plans. I have discussed the issue with him and he denies that he would ever take on more than one wife. He is a practicing Christian, but I am concerned he may return to his "roots" as he ages.

Well as you mentioned earlier, he's not attached to Christianity. He still refers to Islamic practices. Isn't that a good sign? I know many Christian women who have gone into relationships with Muslim men who told them they didn't care if they chose to practice Christianity, but once married that was not the case anymore. They pressured the wives into converting to Islam and though they promised they wouldn't seek other wives, they had others back home.

If this guy wants to marry you, he's going to tell you everything you want to hear. Once married, things many change. Do you have any friends/family who are married to Muslim men? Why don't you ask them for advice? Be very smart with the way you ask because you don't want them to give you false information or sell you a dream.

Also, try to see the dynamic between them and their Muslim husbands. I want to help you make an informed decision.

FlowerPower: I have expressed my concerns to him and he assures me that he would not marry more than one woman. I do know that if he wanted to be with many women, he could easily do so. However from my observation is a faithful man. I think I will just take more time with him to make sure he has truly converted.

I hope you understand in his religion/culture, having more than one wife isn't considered being unfaithful. Didn't you hear what Akon, Senegalese-American Muslim singer, said about monogamy? Although he was born and raised in the U.S, he still holds strong religious views and suggested that America adopt polygamy. In Islam, it's not considered "being unfaithful." It's the norm.

snadguy007: Hi, HisRib, my story is exactly the same as this, i'v tried every possible means to forget abt her (lyk blocking evry means of communication, deleting her pics on my fone) but its not yielding anytin, i cant stop d memories frm coming back. She broke my heart when i least expected, she was my bestfriend and i gave up everytin for her only to dump me. Pls is there anytin i can do to just kill off the memories. The more i hate her, the more i want her. I'm confused, pls help me

Hi There,

Getting over someone you really loved can be difficult. The first thing you need to do is forgive her. You're not doing this for her, you are doing this for yourself. You have every right to be angry or hate her, but you need to let the anger and hatred go.

Don't spend too much time alone. This is a good time to hang out with family and friends. If you spend too much time alone, you will give yourself lots of time to think about her. Stay occupied.

Go on a few dates. If you have any female friends, go on friendly dates. Have a good time.

Pick up a hobby and keep yourself busy.

PLEASE do not call, text or go see her. Remove her from your life completely. Remind yourself that you are a good man and will find the right woman soon. Don't accept self-pity and don't bring yourself down.

Focus on being the best man you can be. And the day she will run into, she will regret letting you go.

FlowerPower: Being in a multi-wife marriage is not my only concern, however it is a great concern. He knows that I am Christian and that will not change. He is a "good" person, but he once said religion is flexible (for him). If we talk about religious topics long enough, he eventually speaks on Muslim practices. I'm afraid this wonderful man is going to switch religions on me when he is old.

If he still speaks of Muslim practices, that means he still holds on to his religion and will most likely reconvert.

If you are okay with potentially marrying a Muslim and raising your kids as Muslims, by all means go for it.

If you want to have a Christian home, you might want to think long and hard before you marry this man.

dlex21: guess we av hit a common ground then...i see u as the emotional type who wants her guy to be around physically...that! u can handle
anyways, diff strokes for diff folks...by the way, i admire gals like u who don't abbreviate words...will like to be like u wen i grow up

I wouldn't say "emotional" type. But, I think I do prefer the idea of living in the same town/city as my man.

As you said, different strokes for different folks.

dlex21: ofcos not, i never sed so ooo...what i meant is d fear of cheating shouldn't be seen as d yardstick for not venturing in2 a long distance rship if that's wot d pple involved want. that was y i sed if pple oda each oda's noses can cheat, ow much more for long distance.
judging by ur posts, seems u av been a victim of a distance rship heartbreak...doesn't mean it wont work out on the long run for other pple.*cheers*

No I haven't been a victim. I was in one and I ended it. It simply was too hard for me and him to deal with, but of course we didn't want to admit it. But, me being a realistic person, I had to bring up to him. I was a bit sad, but not heartbroken because it was the right thing to do. As I mentioned in my previous posts, it can work, but both parties must be highly dedicated to the success of the relationship.

FlowerPower: So after all my rants and rejection of "Nigerian" men, I finally broke down and became seriously involved with one who is a US citizen. All I can say is bless the woman who trained him for me because he is a Big Boy in the pockets and the pants.
However I do have a question. He has been a Christian for many years, but I wonder if his conversion was out of necessity due to his career. He attends Catholic church, but when I talk to him about religion, I can tell he is still a Muslim in his heart. Have you known any Hausa men who converted to Christianity, then went back to practicing the Muslim faith later in life? I ask because I see where this relationship is going and I'm not trying to be wife number one out of four.

If I understood correstly, potentially being one of many wives is your only concern about him being Muslim? If he reassures you he won't pick another wife, you will go ahead with the marriage?

How about, how will you raise your children? Are you okay with your children being raised as Muslims?

How will you pray together as a family unit?

What religion will lead the home? Remember, two cannot walk together unless they agree.

I'm a big supporter of interracial marriages, but interregilious marriages I'm not quite sure. I have watched many interreligious marriages break apart because the couple cannot decide how to raise the children.

If he remains a Christian, that's okay. If he returns a devout Muslim during the marriage, what will you do?

Alikaxon: ewo! Hahahaha. Laughing things, what a daft she goat you are; you even quoted me to make matters worse, you 've just made the public see how I corrected your imperfect tense. You know your problem? It's "pride" don't be suprised I just fathomed it. I was even trying to be humble and assist you, and you are being too proud of your frivolous tenses, a philosopher once said; "proud people don't learn, they don't take correction". Your issue even amazed me even as I tried to overlook it. What will you gain from covering your shame? Fool. As if you didn't attend primary school to know when to use "an" on a vowel. Dumb head woman, this was what a nairalander complained about; poor english constrution. Why don't you point out your so called acclaimed flaws in my tenses? Those were mere abbreviations. You idiot.

You are something else. Lol!

peckygud: Good morning all,

Please i am new here.

My husband to be has done my consultation and intruduction of Marraiage early january 2013.
We were planing to do traditional and wedding september.

Now the issue is that since there is strike i have been at home.
I went to visit just to discover a girl has been staying with him all through out my stay in skul.
I met her twice in my guy's house, the look she gave to me and what she said weakens my spirit. she said she is the chosen one by his mum.
she even ask me what i am doing in my guys house, I DECIDED TO BECOME deaf and dumb to her. so on the process my guy returned as and met the two of us in his house. The girl now increase her voice and was even ready for a fight. I left the house immediately..becos i do not have strength to exchange blows.

The mum hates me. she dont even want to see me, but that one is something i can deal with.
I ask my guy what is going on he said SHE is a family friend and so on and so forth, He was even crying and pleading. Meanwhile the sister, his uncle and relation said the girl is a total stanger to them.

My guy came to me early this month, that he want us to do the wedding by december, I should inform my people, that he will also come and see my parent. I told him to hold his peace.
Just yesterday I Went to his place i discover that the girl is heavily pregnant for him and his mum was there in his house.

I am confused, I NEED URGENT ADVISE

Thanks,

What a sad situation. The best thing to do is to move on with your life. Clearly, this man has not been completely honest with you. This is not a good way to start a marriage.

Be happy because you dodged a bullet. Trust me, you don't want a dishonest man as a husband.

Do not hurt/harm yourself. It's not the end of the world. There are people out there who've survived worse relationship woes and love triangles. You will find love again. Hold your head up high.

sexkillz: [color=#000030]Call it whatever you like, except love. [/color]

Why can't it be love?

He sees his late mother's qualities in her and that makes him love her even more. What is wrong with that?

freakybaby: Thank u for ur advice, I really appreciate..But my problem is,I dnt want 2 call him and start asking all dat cos it will seem as if I'm desperate abt d relationship and I really luv him and he might think I'm crazy abt me,u knw hw some guys reason..I feel bad and also regret my action..I dnt have d mind 2 call him and start asking all dat dats why I also decided 2 stay on my own..I jst wish I have a way of telln him wat happened was a mistake..well,dats bygone!...u said he has lost interest dats why he hasn't contacted me all dis while and I'll prefer 2 leave him like dat..so wat do u think??

His behavior indicates he has lost interest. A guy who likes a girl will make some time for her no matter how busy he is. I mean, is he SO busy that he doesn't have 5 seconds to send you a quick text message?

You can choose not to contact him and put this whole thing behind you. That is totally fine. But, if you're looking for some type of closure, you can call/text him and express your sentiments without sounding desperate.

You can text/bbm him and say, I wanted to talk to you about what happened the other night. I normally don't do that, but because I really liked you, I gave in. But based on your actions it's clear you don't feel the same way about me. I've learned my lesson & I'm moving on with my life. It was nice knowing you.

You can say something along those lines.

Keep me posted! X0x0

freakybaby: Nice thread...I have a question...Pls I met a guy and 2day makes it a month we met..we've had 2 dates,phone conversations n chat....bt he hasn't asked me out yet,d 3rd date was @ night,he invited me for his frend's bday,and afte d bday,we ki.ssed n ca.ressed in d car n also went 2 his place n had intimacy..immediately after all dat,d next day I felt bad and agry wit myself @ wat happened 2 d extent dat I wanted lil space..our conversation hasn't been strong after dat incident..he wasn't a constant caller or texter likewise me..and we haven't spoken 4 a week now..is there anyway I can let him know dat wat happend was a mistake dat I didn't mean it...and wat do u think is his plan??..he doesn't look 2 me like some1 dat has a gf...if I want 2 seee him,I knw I can seee him cos he'll be home(weekends only,he works)..pls wat do u think he's up to..I promised myself I won't call him or chat him up again..pls advice?? Does he think he has won??

Hi Dear,

I have to be very honest with you. The fact that he hasn't called you or tried to contact you in one week is not a good sign.

Another thing is, before sleeping together you two never had any one-on-one time. Phone conversations and chat do not count as dates. Him inviting you to his friend's birthday could be considered a date, but it wasn't a one-on-one date.

I get the impression he got what he wanted and has completely lost interest because he never had real feelings for you. But, you know what? I may be wrong.

The only way to find out is to call him and have the talk with him. Tell him exactly how you feel about the situation and ask him how he feels about it as well.

If he wants to keep seeing you, you can continue. If he sounds unsure, my dear as much as it will hurt, just move on.

In life we all make mistakes, but the great thing is, we get to learn lessons from our mistakes.

I have had many female clients who come to me with the same issue and I always advise them not to sleep with a man until he has made you his girl.

If you choose to sleep with him before that, at least make sure you've been around this person long enough and are quite confident about his feelings for you.

Love is complicated. Each love story is different, but it's always great to follow certain principles in order to avoid being heartbroken or used.

Call him and have the talk with him and let me know the outcome.

iebanehita: What a lovely thread!

Thumbs up to the OP. You are doing a great job ma'am.
but this thread should have hit the front page na!

Thanks a lot. I'm so glad I get to help people for a living. It has always been my dream.

And I thinks it's better off not going on front page because there will be too many requests and I won't be able to handle or keep up.

ichidodo: [color=#1980BC] Thank GOD i met this thread on time.Some years back i had a crush on this Girl,made it known to her but for some inexplicable reasons i made myself very scarce around her so as not to get any feedback whether positive or negative though we move around in the same social circle.Fast forward today we now move in different social circles.I still have feelings for her and i know that my actions in the past must have stirred some emotions in her.Recently we started chatting online mostly mundane stuff.Do you suggest i level with her? Won't it ruin things and make her uncomfortable thus she doesn't want to have anything to do with me? How do i catch her interest?. Thanx [/color]

Hey There,

Sounds like you really like this girl. I think you should take your time with her. You can invite her out to a date, but don't make it seem like it's a romantic date. Just something friendly.

Get close to her and allow yourself to really get to know her. Keep talking to her in a friendly way. One day, ask her about her love life and hear what she has to say.

I advise that you take it slow with her. Slowly reveal your feelings to her. You can do so by being sweet, giving compliments and taking her out once in a while. Let her see that you are a great guy.

zube01: hey!..I have this problem of easily losing interest...I will ask a gal today and pray she doesn't say yes..if she eventually says yes..I won't put my best into d relationship..pls m I ok..and how do I stop it pls!....still got more problems though will ask later

Hi There,

Sounds like you have real problems.

Why do you ask a girl out and pray she doesn't say yes? What causes you to do that?

Do you prefer when a woman plays hard to get?

I need more info in order to issue proper help/advice.

MarvellousGod: I'm definitely not going to get played dearie. .I put it to you that there are sooo many faithful guys out there who are disciplined, know what they want and go for it..they don't jump into any girl in skirt...

I believe you. :-)

therealMcCain: Wow, i'm intrigued by your thinking pattern, I'll like to know you, just on an intellectual level

Lol

MarvellousGod: I'm a female and we see like once in two months but our communication is really strong. ..

Pls Don't tell me I don't know wht's he's doing over there cos I know d kind of person I'm dating. .

I'm definitely not going to put you down. I'm happy that you trust your man. I'm also glad this long distance relationship is working out for you.

But, I really want you to be very realistic as well. Don't be that naïve chick that got played.

That's all I'm gonna say!

Barryp: Tnx pple 4 ur advice. Well, I jst spoke with her 2 ask her several questns. She insisted dat she loves me deeply. Also, 4rm her responses, its obvious dat d only cord btw her and my rival is MARRIAGE. Aside that, she said she dosnt love him as loves me. Another advantage d guy has over me is d fact dat both of them are in d same state while am far away. Hopefuly by xmas, I shall see her face 2 face.

I'm glad you have your answers.

Good luck to the both of you.

ferhyntorlah: Please where is this rule found? Speaking for myself, you can't chat me without an opening salutation ie greeting-hi, hello, how are you doing, what's up?

I see it as being rude when someone just jumps into the chat directly. Chatting is indirect(non-facial) communication; so etiquette demands you greet before proceeding further.

If anyone chats me first time of a new day without greeting, I'll ask the person "what's happened to good morning/afternoon" before answering the person.

Please don't let social media erode the proper way of doing things.

LOL! Are you freaking kidding me? What a joke.

After about 3 or 4 chatting sessions, he doesn't always have to start with hello/hi.

Geez... That's why you girls stay single forever. All these rules as if you're the Queen of England. Mtchewww

MarvellousGod: I have been in one for almost four years now and I can tell you we are doing perfectly fine.we have a very strong communication. ...I have never cheated and the thought of that has never crossed my mind because I know d kind of love we share, we are moving to the nxt level soon by God's grace ..it all depends on the persons involved...I wonder why people always say cheat cheat, as if sex is d only thing in a relationship. .

A person who attributes so much to s*x or lacks control/not disciplined will always cheat..also an idle/jobless person because it gives room for certain things/thoughts

Are you male or female? How often do you & your partner see each other?

dlex21: Even pple cheat under each oda noses let alone wen dey r far apart..bt 2 me its berra not worryin abt it since d person z far than avin to worry if d person z or nt..

So you prefer the long distance because you won't have to deal with the cheating? Lol

Please know your self worth. Goodbye.

ruthy28: Tnks a lot dear I will do just as you have said and will let u knw the outcome

You're welcome! Have a great weekend!

dlex21: If they r truly in love, there z no replacement...except the 2 pple involved come 2 an agreement that it won't work

Listen, I'm one of those people who likes to be realistic about these situations. Being delusional got me nothing but a broken heart. People need to become a little smarter.

With the help of technology and social media, cheating has gotten worse. Long distance relationship can work, but will be hard to maintain. But again, it all depends how far you are from each other and how often you see each other.

As I mentioned earlier, 2 VERY dedicated individuals can make it work.

Barryp: Tnx alot. To answer some of ur questns, yes I really want to marry her. Shes jst 23 yrs and its a distanc relatnshp since I started my youth service. And wat 'symbolic gift' can I get her?. I'll av the conversatn wit her as advised and I'll update u.

You're welcome dear. Have the conversation with her. As for the symbolic gift, you can maybe get her a nice little promise ring, necklace, earrings.

You can write her a beautiful letter. Another thing you can do is, get to know her family. Show interest in her family and bring her around your family, if you can. This will calm her nerves.