₦airaland Forum

I see a lot of you bloggers are on nairaland because my rant got published on several blogs. Anyways, I don't care because the more people see it, the better.

One particular blog had a good response to my quick article, and surprisingly the writer is also a woman! I'm very happy to see that there are women out there who agree with my stance!

Here is what she said:

"Most African women don’t think they ever have to initiate anything. The man is usually the one who constantly has to plan everything — from text messages/calls to dates and vacations. I think it’s unfair.

Don’t get me wrong, I don’t believe African men are angels. They have lots issues and in due time I will surely write about those individual problems. But, in this particular write-up, we are discussing issues surrounding African women.

Based on what I've gathered thus far, the number one concern of every woman (when it comes to pampering her man) is being mistreated by him if she becomes too nice. In response to that, I don’t think the author is suggesting the woman should become too nice or mutate into a doormat. Those of us who thoroughly read her letter can see, she’s simply encouraging women to spoil their partners more often.

In the world we live in, men are under a significant amount of pressure. They are pressured to be successful, providers, have amazing careers and be great leaders of their households. As a woman, you will never have to carry the type of load a man has to carry (no offense to single mothers). On top of it all, they have to worry about doing all the work to please their partners. Why not take some pressure off of him by initiating and planning romantic outings, date nights and vacations? Getting him small gifts to show your appreciation wouldn't hurt either.

Additionally, I want to address what the author said about loving a man the “right” way if you want him to stop misbehaving. Although I believe the way you love your man can either have negative or positive effect on him, depending on how you choose to project your affection, I do not think it will stop him from misbehaving. There’s nothing that guarantees your significant other will never mess up. This is why forgiveness is important. But, I do think when a woman is not afraid to genuinely love her man, if he’s a good guy, he will treat her like a queen.

Just before I wrap-up, I want to make sure I say this loud and clear, not all men deserve to be pampered and yes, some men will even take advantage of you if you treat them this way. I am no love expert, but I think the goal for every woman is to be with a man who is deserving of every inch of her affection. If you are stuck in a relationship with a man who doesn't treat you too well, maybe you can go ahead and try what the expert suggested and if it doesn't work, you can go on with life knowing that you tried.

In conclusion, I speak to all ladies, including myself, when I say, we should pamper our men more often. Not only will it keep the spark alive, it might just be one of the few things that lead to a pleasant and long lasting relationship/marriage."


I really want to thank this person for this amazing article.

Source: http://afri-culture.com/love-expert-says-african-women-need-to-learn-how-to-pamper-their-men/

"In Egypt, mufti Shawqi Allam said such a move would be "a provocation not only to Angolan Muslims but to more than 1.5 billion Muslims all over the world".

Hypocrites! Don't Christians get killed in their countries?

Isn't Christianity banned in Iraq, Iran and Co?

Bunch of hypocrites!

This write-up contains some of the most ridiculous things I've ever heard.

First and foremost, daily greeting such as,"Hi, how was your day?" Do not equate "no spark or excitement" in the relationship/marriage. Keeping the relationship exciting is not the duty of the wife alone, it's both the responsibility of both parties. There are many ways to keep the fire burning in your relationship/marriage. For example, make time for date nights, romantic outings, romantic vacations and quality time together. In order for this to succeed, effort is required from both individuals.

If you don't want to see the same face everyday, don't get married. Stay single so that you can have the liberty of running from one chick to another. It's that simple.

Secondly, who said a well brought up woman can't give her man amazing sex? This has to be the dumbest thing I've heard in a very long time. Of course a well brought up woman can turn it up in the bedroom and satisfy her man. I think it's great for couples to try new things in the bedroom. It's a great way to bond, plus it helps in keeping the excitement.

Ladies, once in a while wear a sexy lingerie for your man, strip for him, when he comes home from work, meet him at the door naked -- wear only a cute robe. Keep the fire burning!

As for dressing, if a man doesn't like the way his woman dresses he should start buying her the kind of clothes he wants her to wear. Why go chasing other women when all you have to do is say, "Baby, I don't like that. I want you to wear this or that." or "Sweetie, I love it when you wear curly hair. It brings your beauty out." By doing this, you are teaching her what you like. Most women love to please their men, so they will do as he wants.

This your cousin must be a young boy 'cause no grown man can provide such foolishness for reasons as to why men cheat.

bunsexy: Yesterday, I was hanging out with my cousins (male) and as we discussed, one of them brought this up.
He said he has a compiled list of reasons why guys in a serious relationship cheat; which he later broke down into 4.
Read through and let me know your view
Boring relationship
When a relationship is boring i.e no spark, no excitement, nothing...just “hi, welcome, how was work and other phrases…”, the guy gets tired of hearing the same daily rhythm and tend to search for alternative(s) out there.
Girls loves attention, someone they can talk to every minutes, and relate with, but guys get bored easily. They get bored of chatting with same person all the time because in most cases they know every other thing the lady wants to say… So in his mind he’ll be like “so what next??”. They get tired of seeing the same old face all the time, get tired of the same old complains, but mind you, all these varies in one relationship or another but might not be a major reason why some relationships get broken.
A guy will always give attention to a pretty lady that shows interest in chatting with him, it is just his nature and when the guy gets acquainted with the lady, gets it done with the lady(s*x) then the lady’s bar starts dropping gradually like “poor network” till it gets to “no signal”. At that point, the lady’s chat becomes boring and then goes in search for another prey even if he is married.


S*x

I really know premarital s*x is not good ,but believe me, we are in the 21st century. S*x! It is everywhere, 18yrs old people are no longer new to it and you will be surprise of some ages that now practice this act too. That aside, now back to the main point…
S*x is like the second and strongest thing ever that will determine if the relationship needs an alternative or not. One thing I want you to have at the back of your mind is that..(Permit meto be raw here) guys like wide s*x, when I say wide s*x;I mean they want to practice the same things they see in porn movies etc, you can hardly fill a guy who doesn’t like s*x...They are all the same.. Don’t let them lie to you. Guys want doggie, they want bl*wj*bs, they want everything, they want to perform all sort of things, experiment and go wide, But they will never ever ...I mean never ever ask that from the wife they got married to... that is called RESPECT. But as much as they want to show this respect, they still want it. Now the question is… How will they get it? The only option its sort it elsewhere…then they cheat. They go in search for a s*xy spouse out there, that will give them a good bl*wj*b, good doggie etc instead of doing the normal boring thing with their wife (missionary position). Yes missionary position, that’s the only good thing the wife does.
Now the only way out of this if and if only their wife is also wild, and you will rarely see a well brought up lady with that type of drive ( lai lai)

Food
Food is by far the most important thing ever. As the saying goes (the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach). Believe me, if a guy has a lady that cooks like a real chef, He will hardly cheat on her, not to talk of leaving her when he knows a bowl of seafood fried rice, chicken and a bottle of red wine awaits him when he gets home. No man in his right senses will ever think of branching someone else. Very few married women prepare their daily meal like it is prepared for an occasion. Just the normal white rice and stew etc. A guy will always want more. It is just the nature of guys. They want to see new things, feel new things and even want to taste something new. Now this low leads to sourcing it outside and through that process they cheat.

Dressing

Guys go to parties and see some scintillating, mad gorgeous babes with miniskirts and all. At this point, they will be like… “Why does my babe not dress like this?”.
Guys go out everyday and see pretty babes. It takes courage for a guy not to actually get tempted and the percentage is very very low and the cause is total dissatisfaction when it comes to their wives dressing

9jagirl4re: So do you dress revealing, that can be your problem too they may think your for sale by the way you dress.

No I don't dress revealing. I dress like a professional. I have a reputation to protect. I can't be dressing anyhow.

9jagirl4re: Enjoy it while it lasts when you get old and wrinkled then you won't get it. I always thank them for the compliment and tell them I'm not interested. The way you carry yourself will let them know that you are serious, when you say your not interested with your mouth your body language has to match or they will think you're playing hard to get. When you stop getting the attention is when you better worry

The attention I get from my boo is enough for me. I don't crave male attention like some females.

FlowerPower: What I have found is that if I dress very modestly (hair wrapped with a long loose dress), men will avoid me. Otherwise they are making goo goo eyes and trying to get my number. It's shame you have to go to such extremes, but it does get tiring after awhile.

Hahaha! you are so right. I feel like I have to dress like a bum in order to avoid male attention. The attention I get from my boo is enough for me!

[quote author=QueenR.A.W]From my experience, I've always recieved a lot of attenetion, so I see the validity in your issue.However, the beautiful women I know, myself included, are used to the attention and know how to diplomatically turn down and put a stop to unwanted attention.Plus most men wont approach a beautiful woman, being that a well presented, confident woman , who happens to be beautiful as well, is not easily approached.Most men don't have the confidence nor gall to approach a gorgeous women, assuming that he is out of her league. And married men are aware that unless they are already goingto leave their wive or have a lot of toasting money, they have no chance with such a beautiful woman. Unless its a woman with low self esteem.
I've also come to notice that really beautiful women do not recieve alot of compliments, because most men assume she's heard such compliments a million times and will not be fazed nor impressed with his compliments.Men looking and staring is one thing, but if you are constantly being approached, that is another. What makes these men feel as if they even have a chance to be with you? Do you live in a place with a lot of plain looking people?[/quote]I live in a place with a lot of plain people and not many black people. I get hit on by lots of white men and surprisingly Arab men as well. There are quite a few Africans here, and those ones as expected always hit on me. Last year I went to a business meeting with a man I truly looked up to. At the meeting he tried to change the conversation multiple times and seeing that I was a very young woman, he thought he could fool me into doing something with him. But of course I put him in place. I reminded him that he was a married man and I of course am in a relationship.

I didn't start this thread to brag about anything. I just wanted to hear the opinion of women who deal with the same issues I deal with on a daily basis.

Evy E: i don't buy this your story sister. Most of us here on NL are young beautiful educated and very professional too and we stay and work in areas full of such ppl but becoz we dont come across as cheap , you dont see evry dick head trying their chance on us. Men actually feel intimidated. sister u r a lier

I don't have a reason to lie. Sorry.

alutacontinua: True talk!
Ifyalways summarizes it in one sentence-MEN ARE BIG BABIES!

They really are. The way to their heart is very simple. Lots of women are looking for complicated ways, when all they have to do is give their man a little extra attention and pampering.

Those of us who've applied those small principles have reaped the benefits in big ways.

Gracious10: Completely priceless answers.
Thanks a lot.

You're welcome.

[quote author=love,generation]kai aboki ba turinchin ni common gehsy u no understand, is pamper nt deference pampas?[/quote]Hahahahahahahahahaha

Ngokafor: ..@op you try...Pamper the average Naija guy??...

.....many of them are mean and unkind and undeserving of any sort of pampering what-so-ever...

What is the average Naija guy?

My man is a Naija guy and he adores all the sweet things I do for him. Listen, there are some bad guys who will take advantage of you. Bad men are found in every race & no matter what you do, they show no appreciation. But, a good guy will not take a woman who truly makes him happy for granted.

kalimera101: Lol. Girls do say guys are stingy too. Guess it's the circle of life.
@OP. So on point.

Hahah that was funny!

izzbaby22: i understand sis but if a guy is not all dat romantic should u as a girl start doing all dos tins like is it gonna change his heart or something, most girls give back wat dey get 4rm their guy u get me, am nt saying its bad 4 a girl tho

A lot of men don't know how to be romantic. If you know, why not show him. Lead the way?

My man was not the most romantic guy, but now he has learned how to be romantic. He's even better at it than me. I just want my African sisters to know, there's nothing wrong with initiating these things. Don't just sit there waiting for him to do it all. Be proactive.

Awwwww!

izzbaby22: OP nice 1 but some guys take their gf 4 granted u hear some saying crazy tins and not all guys treat dier gf as a queen most of dem pretend outside i mean in public, treat me like a Queen then i ll treat u like a King, yes it should be reciprocated #dropsmic

I agree with you dear, but the goal of my thread was to encourage African women to start doing things for their men instead of always expecting things.

If you go beyond the norm, which is giving him sex, and try to do other sweet things, you might be surprised to see how his attitude towards you will change.

divex: abegiiiiii give a man all that and he will still Bleep up infact he will feel like he can do anything to u. #truetalk

Dear, no person is perfect. People mess up and will continue to mess up. That is why forgiveness in a relationship is very important. Another thing, there are bad men out there who use & abuse women, but there are good ones out there as well. A good man won't take your love for granted. Again, I'm not saying he won't mess up, I'm saying he will never take your love for a joke.

1) Honestly, there is never really a timeline when it comes to "when to start dating again after a break up." It all depends on you. Some people like to take a break in between relationships and others don't. I always suggest a small break because it gives you a chance to reflect. Going from relationship to relationship is not something I would recommend.

2) Your ex has absolutely no right to condemn you for moving on quickly after the break up (no matter who broke up with who). But, as I mentioned above, moving on too quickly after a break up isn't the greatest idea.

3) There is no standard healing time after a break up. Every relationship is different and there are many factors to take into consideration. For example, How long was the relationship ?, Are there children involved?, Did you introduce each other to your family members? And so forth. But, I think it's safe to start dating again 1-3 months after a small break up. By small, I mean much wasn't invested in the relationship. But as I mentioned above, it all depends on the individual. If you are ready, go ahead. I always suggest a small break from dating after a break up in order to reflect and prepare for the next relationship. This will allow you to figure out what went wrong in the previous one and do better in the future or help you figure out what you don't like so you know what/who to avoid when it comes to choosing your future partner.

4) Friendship between exes is in no way necessary. You don't have to be friends with you ex. In fact, I wouldn't recomment it right after the break up. Maybe months/years after the break up you can become friends, but not right away. Especially if one still has feelings for the other. If you want to move on quickly, it's best to avoid your ex for a while.

Gracious10: Thanks for this thread.

1.How soon is too soon to move on to another relationship after u break up with an ex? (Relationship was filled with lots of break up and taking breaks from Ex)

2. Does Ex have any right to condemn or get mad at you for moving on so soon even when u cleary broke up with Ex and Ex accepted it?

3. What's the appropriate healing period after a break up?

4. Is "friendship" necessary between you and an ex even when u really want to avoid the Ex?

Thanks.

lynpetra: Well said butsome men sabi abuse privilege
If u treat them like kings,they might treat you like subjects

Men, especially African men, tend to be very prideful that's why it can be hard to win them over. Most fear that if they show a woman too much love, she will take them for granted. So, they just stick to their toughness.

But if you create an emotionally safe atmosphere and give him all the love in your heart and show him just how much you love him, you will win him over. He will soften up with you & in the process make you a very happy woman.

chairman: When a girl realy loves a man, she doesn't need any advice or pushing to do all those great things for her man, same for some good men too, I am talking from experience. Women are more caring than men, so the woman who is not doing her best for her man is the one who doesn't have it or the one who doesn't love the man

One would think so, but I have been receiving mail from men seeking advice that prove otherwise. African women always want to be on the receiving end. They claim to love a guy, but refuse to initiate calls or messages. They don't plan any outings or dates. They always want things being done for them.

I think our men deserve better than that.

Boss13: Very true indeed. But you have to be sure that he is the one so you don't feel you are wasting your effort.

This gesture also make a man feel guilty if he intends to cheat cos his woman treats him so right why should he try another that is just around for the money.

You're right, but it's not even about making him feel guilty. You can rest assured if he does mess up, he'll come running back because he won't find another woman who will treat him that well.

CocoLoca: i need to first find a man before i pamper him, abi no be so?

Lol! If you don't have a man, this clearly doesn't directly apply to you. But, it's great to keep this mind for when you finally meet "Mr. Right.'

[quote author=-Mr Cork-]...I am 2000% convinced that Hisrib is ONILA!!!! [/quote]Who?

Tosinville: LOL, arrant nonsense, should I call this beauty without brain or what? Can we even see your pix pls?

I would be a fool to post my pictures on here. A big fool.

Agybabe: True but guys also do same naw. Do me I do you which is bad. Treat me like a crap and I will treat you like sh.it. But treat me like a queen and I will treat you like my beloved kingdom.

Yes I agree, but I have noticed a lack of effort from most African women and that's why I started this thread. They always want, want, want all the time. How about start giving?

Godswill A Judins: ok today I tried to ignore her so I dint call her an dint sms her either.so since then she has called me 4 times. so what do u think

That's a great sign. Send her a message and tell her you're busy & you will get back to her when you find time.

Then later on at night, give her a call and have the discussion with her. Tell her you were doing some thinking and right now you are unsure about her feelings for you. Ask her what she wants out of you and the relationship.

Evy E: lol m begining to think she does like the married men attention. she strikes me as someone who would age and still be doing married men all in the name of '' i am so pretty'' .

I have never slept with/dated a married man and never will. Don't think everyone behaves like you and you sisters/friends.

I come from a prominent family and was raised by certain standards. I have way too much respect for myself to sleep with a married man.

Bloop!

Agybabe: Yes, we are pretty and attract both single and married men.
Your brain should teach you how to deal with it and not to come here on Nairaland's platform to share your frustrations that can't be solved by even millions of comments, views, quotes nor likes. What point are you trying to prove about your looks? Truly, I can't judge you but you are dishing out ideas that aren't cool enough.
Girlfriend you're just attracting more of what you claim you don't like with this thread. Keeping cool would have made many difference like a dust won't be raised.
What if you tell the married men to back-off and mean it, would they kill you. Learn to say "no" naw sweetheart. Besides you have a man. Tell them you're married and be very careful.

What makes you think I don't say no? I'm sure you've lived long enough to know some men don't take no for an answer, or are you just a teenager?

I can share my frustrations wherever I please. I'm sure you know of something called "freedom."

I'm not shy of the fact that I'm beautiful, just like a person shouldn't be shy of the being intelligent or whatnot.

My beauty is a blessing from God and I'm proud of it. But, of course sometimes it gives me headaches. When I created this thread on APRIL 10th, my goal was to chat with ladies dealing with the same issue. It wasn't to start an uproar.

Coefficient: No picture? Adonbilivit!
Pix or it didn't happen!

If you think I'm going to post my pics on here, you are crazy!

[quote author=gcfr.com]100% crap. You re just falling your hand with this ur thread. Your NL Gp just dropped from 4.0 to -0.5.[/quote]You don't even know what were discussing. Me and that girl were refering to a discussion we had in another thread. That's what the "constructive criticism" comment was about.

Evy E: lol honey men flirt with anything in a skirt and would not mind fucking it too. Sometimes how you carry yourself even if you were the queen of Sheba would make men to respect you and think twice before making silly moves on u. m thinking the way u behave makes these men see that u r an easy target

Absolutely not! I'm a young professional woman. I come across professional men all the time and each time I have to deal with the same issue. Sometimes you think educated men will act differently, but nope, they are all the same. I've spoken to other young beautiful women in my profession and they all share my sentiments.

Eesha: Hmmmm im still on track.

Great!