It's so easy for people looking from the outside to judge you, but I definitely understand your pain. I have never been in this kind of situation, but my advice to you is, break it off with him. Don't sleep with him or do him any other favors.

Tell him you're tired of being treated poorly and have decided to discontinue the relationship. Find a hobby you like and keep yourself busy/occupied until the right man comes.

I know it's easier said than done, but you'll be okay. Be strong. Know your worth! You deserve better!

therealMcCain:

The reason is not far fetched, ur views are not on point, in this particular thread u sound like someone raised based on the western culture, which by the way is foolishness to us here, with few exceptions though

You're supporting something that is alien to us, & not just supporting it but advising someone to flee just because there is no ring, that is foolishness dearie!!

If the whole engagement ring was so "alien" to Africans, why would this young lady find it odd that her man proposed ringless? If proposing ringless was a common thing in Africa, this topic would've never been a discussion in the first place.

Stop trying to look for reasons to justify your cheapness. If the girl wants a ring, get her a ring. That simple.

pkween: And for how long should the engagement ring be worn?I think that should be a question for another day.

Normally, it should be worn along with the wedding band. So, "forever" will be the answer to that question.

jay bee:

She is from the congo

No I am not. Why is my idendity so important to you people? I keep getting asked where I'm from on every thread & forced to make something up.

therealMcCain:

It matters, if u were born or raised abroad, then I might understand ur perspective but if u live in Nigeria with this mentality, I feel it's out of sync with what's obtainable here

I was neither born or raised in the west. Again, as I mentioned earlier, where I live doesn't matter. If it were normal for men to propose without rings in Africa, this topic would've never been started in the first place.

The young lady clearly started this topic because she found it odd that her man proposed ringless. So, please save all that "were you born/raised abroad" talk for the birds.

AdeSuave:
i knew you were going to resort to cheap insults ...as long as he 'cares' about you and can provide you a ring.na to marry,congratulations dear....stop living in barbie land,wake up....ring is just a piece of metal,ask the battered wives and the divorcees who received rock-sized rings too

Ha! So the women who were proposed to without rings are immune to domestic abuse and divorce, right? Darling, I don't live in barbie land, I simply know what I want & there's nothing wrong with that.

I want a beautiful ring, ya dig?

End of discussion.

therealMcCain: @HisRib
Pls where do u reside Naija or Yankee

Why does that matter? I'm African, that's all that matters.

AdeSuave:
Are you saying you wouldnt accept the proposal of a man who loves you dearly cuz he didnt give you a ring and accept that of a guy who couldnt care less about you but got you a diamond ring[img]LOVE and RESPECT has gotten nothing to do with him giving you a ring....a guy will disrespect you if he wants to
Rings are cute though

Why would a guy who doesn't love me or care about me propose in the first place? And on top of it all, present his proposal with a diamond ring? Does this even sound logical to you? I hope you understand, proposal leads to engagement and engagement leads to marriage. With that being said, what kind of man in his right mind wants to marry a woman he doesn't love or care about?

The only way a man would do that is if he's filthy rich, but even though he is rich, NO man will propose to a woman he doesn't care about. That simply doesn't happen.

Abeg, use your brain before you speak.

shostar: Well, I don't think the ring really matters, I proposed to my wife without a ring also but with an object that symbolises my sincerity of purpose (A Car).

A car? If I were her, I would've asked you to take it back & use the money to get me a ring instead.

4llerbuntu: This one is just a bag of inconsistencies.

in one post you are claiming holyrolling BS, the next you are bashing people for being holyrollers.
In one breath you are a modern day "high class" chick, the next you are an effing traditional nutcase


look whatever rocks your cradle biko. every man to his own. shebi na 15k dollar ring u want? ehn no problem na. God will grant you your hearts desire.

continue advocating for the weakminded f00ls we have here to join you in your "lord of the ring" ideology. There is absolutely nothing wrong in it if that's what works for you.


now you have had your fun, can you quit trolling NL and go and park your featherhead somewhere.


everything wey go up must surely come down. except no be this planet we dey again.


i will only advice you to be careful of what you preach lest in some future you discover that the pains of those you have mislead will stand against you. I honestly wonder if by the time you are 40 you will look back at small girls and give this advice to them.

I am not trolling anyone. I have the right to have an opinion just like you do. As I mentioned earlier, a reasonable man will not propose without an engagement ring. Ladies, if he gives you that "a ring is not important" line, please run as fast as you can.

therealMcCain:

That will be taking things too far, one should constantly strive to become better, I don't believe in AS IT WAS IN THE BEGINNING SO SHALL IT BE TILL THE END, that being said it doesn't mean I have to take everything about the WEST hook line & sinker.

I'll will only copy the good & the relevant things. Pls check the conversation I posted above, will it not be foolishness on the part of the girl to turn down a man just because of ring.

I can afford any ring but I won't buy one for any lady, if u so desire a ring go buy one for urself.

I guess at the end of the day, it's whatever rocks ur boat

If you were a good man, you would be more concerned with what makes your girl happy. The right thing to say is, "if my girl wants a ring & it really means a lot to her, as her man I will buy it to make her happy. If she doesn't really want one, I don't see the need of buying it." That is the right thing to say. You African men are so inconsiderate and selfish. How do you even go into marriage with that type of attitude? You, clearly, are not ready for marriage.

therealMcCain: An engagement ring is a ring indicating that the person wearing it is engaged to bemarried, especially in WESTERN CULTURE. In the United Kingdom , Ireland and North America , engagement rings are traditionally worn only by women, and rings can feature diamonds or other gemstones .

Although the ancient Egyptians are sometimes credited with having invented the engagement ring, and the ancient Greeks with having adopted the tradition, the history of the engagement ring can only be reliably traced as far back as ancient Rome.

In the 21st century, especially within WESTERN CIVILIZATION, it has become a common expectation for the bride-to-be to permanently wear her ring as a means to maintain their commitment.

The idea that a man should spend a significant fraction of his annual income for an engagement ring originated from DE BEERS MARKETING in an effort to increase the sale ofdiamonds . In the 1930s, they suggested that a man should spend the equivalent of one month's income in the engagement ring; later they suggested that he should spend two months' income on it.

In that case you should stop doing everything that is so called "Western Tradition," including being a Christian. Because, I remember correctly Christianity being introduced to Africans by the Europeans. We should stop wearing the white dress when we get married. We should stop driving all these European cars. We should stop wearing all these European clothes. We should just stick to what our ancestors used to do in the village.

Prince_Nwokeji: With or without a RING, a marriage or relationship not build on christ will bond to crash, RING is not the fonudamental tin, i don't believe in RING, cos its not in BIBLE. Lets leave the unnesessary tins and focus on tins dat matter. Gudmor.

You holy rollers are always picking and choosing what to believe based on what suits your angendas. We all know a marriage needs to be rooted in Christ to stand strong, but what does that have to do with getting your future wife an engagement ring?

What the heck is wrong with you people?

Prince_Nwokeji: With or without a RING, a marriage or relationship not build on christ will bond to crash, RING is not the fonudamental tin, i don't believe in RING, cos its not in BIBLE. Lets leave the unnesessary tins and focus on tins dat matter. Gudmor.

And is wearing a white dress in the Bible? Is having a wedding ceremony in the Bible? Is paying the bride prize in the Bible?

Quit being a hypocrite.

eyescue: Now may i ask if u would like to be a lord of the ring that will wear an engagement ring for over 7 years jst bcoz u want a ring or u need a sicere man with truth love that can propose to u and have u wedded @ the alter of God in less than 1 year? Think clear ladies!

No ring, No engagement, No marriage. A man who has enough LOVE & RESPECT for me will propose with a ring because it's the responsible thing to do. If we don't end up getting married for whatever reason, I'll sell the ring or give it away to charity.

*Yawn* shut down this thread. It's getting boring. I'm tired of hearing the same cheap men lamenting about a simple engagement ring.

I truly feel sorry for any woman who will marry you lot.

Cheapness should be a sin.

Who knew Nairaland was "cheap men central"?! I'm simply appalled at the number of guys who've said they plan on proposing without a ring. You clearly have no consideration or respect for your future spouse. Reality is, every woman wants a ring -- and a beautiful one to be more precise.

The engagement ring carries a symbol. It lets others know that the woman is officially taken. By putting a ring on her finger, you are saying "This is my woman & I want the world to know."

Not only is that romantic, it's simply the right thing to do. Ladies, leave these cheap African men alone & get with a white man. They will make sure to give you the ring of your dreams. White men are VERY thoughtful and romantic.

Idowuogbo:
So proposing without a ring is what you call romance? Idonbulivit!!

LOL! I almost fell off my bed laughing.

jay bee:
Why is globalization acceptable when it benefits only one party?

How come this same globalization ish gets frowned upon if the man dare try to use it to get out of the somewhat archaic practices disguised under bride price arrangements?

A practice ought not to be acceptable when it suits just one party

Bride Price is tradition. It's something that has been done for years by our ancestors. Why are you trying to twist things? All this because of a mere engagement ring?!

Is this a sick joke? I can't believe we're even having this conversation. How in the world can you as a man ask for a woman's hand in marriage without a ring & feel good/okay with it? That's just crazy!

I refuse to believe I'm talking to grown men. You lot must be teenagers. I'm in complete disbelief.

A MAN does not run away from responsibility. A boy? Yes. But not a MAN!

jmoore:

Insults, huh?

Where's the insult? Negroid? No, that's another word for Negro.

jmoore: Without ring means cheap, huh?
smh

It is a personal choice. Not everyone watches Hollywood

Please! Hollywood ain't got nothing to do with this. Admit you're a cheap negroid and call it a day.

jmoore: Without ring means cheap, huh?
smh

Yes! Without ring = cheap, unthoughtful, inconsiderate, unprepared, cold, unromantic, disrespectful, immature, I could go on for days, but I'm sure you get the point. :-)

jmoore:

Why u dey vex? I am not a white man, you don't expect me to adopt every tradition of the white people.

You see ignorance! Since when is giving your girl an engagement ring a "white man" thing? This has to be the most ignorant thing I've heard all day.

Africans always belittling themselves and giving others credit for things they don't even deserve. Next thing you're gonna say is, wearing a "wedding dress" is a white man thing too. So the woman should just come to her wedding in every day attire.

The ignorance is astounding. Na wa for naija oooo!

jmoore:

A man can give a lady an engagement ring and she will wear it for 10 years.

Introduction should be the focus.

Just give her a darn ring. Stop with the cheapness. I feel bad for the women who will marry you people. Sad tings!

jmoore: Queen of the rings.

I hope you weren't taking a shot at me!?

adaeze#123:
Do you guys think its necessary for a Guy to propose with a ring. Please give your suggestions....

I can't believe this man proposed without a ring. Who does that?

Every woman deserves to have an engagement ring. If he can't afford it, he shouldn't be thinking of marriage in the first place.

Sweetheart, my advice to you is, call it off and tell him you want a ring & if he won't give you one, go find another man who will have enough love and respect for you to give you one.

Him not having a ring is NOT a good sign. Just think of all the other things he will disregard once you guys are married. RUN while you can!

tpia@:
The choice remains yours.

Is someone forcing you to marry a product of a broken home?

If its not something you want to do, then dont.

There's no need to ruminate over it.

I just asked a question. Stop acting like a 3-year old child. If you don't like the question, leave the room.

whirlwind7: Let me quote your last statement: "What a shame! This is why we continue to have irresponsible men"

You only came off sounding like a victim. Akon just gave his opinion, which does not necessarily reflect that of all menfolk. I agreed with most things he said, just as i think that many women who are into relationships would identify with most of the points he made.

His final statements even showed that he is not being one sided. He said:

”I don’t know one woman who can satisfy a man’s every need. It’s impossible. Just like there’s no man who can satisfy a woman’s every need. You know what I’m saying? But, women aren’t built to have multiple partners — men are.”

And thats the truth. The law of nature that makes women to bear the physical after-effect of intercourse (i.e pregnancy) also ensured that women AREN'T BUILT TO HAVE MULTIPLE PARTNERS. Look at it this way: A woman who ended up pregnant after sleeping with three different guys in one day, become confused. A man who got three women all pregnant in the same day, will only beat his chest!

Sure, women can go ahead and have more than one partner. It's their choice. However, they stand to lose so much more (physically and emotionally) when compared with men who does the same. Simply because nature didnt build women that way.

WOW! Double standards! Are you seeing just how ridiculous you sounds? A responsible man doesn't need 10 women to take care of his every need, he only needs ONE. This is why you African men die young compared to men in the western world.

Please learn how to be responsible and stop looking for excuses to explain your immature/shameful behavior.

And the fact that you even have the audacity to say, "a man who gets three women pregnant will only beat his chest" is beyond degrading. DISGUSTING!

It’s no secret singer Akon loves having multiple wives. TMZ caught up with the Senegalese-American singer at LAX and he had some interesting things to say about marriage, reproduction and dating.


On polygamy, he said:

“I think if America adapted that culture there will less domestic disputes. The average guy in the world has a main girl and side chick, then they got a jumpoff. At the end of the day as a male we are natural breeders by nature. We can’t even escape it if we wanted to. Let’s say you put 1,000 guys on one corner and one bad chick walk passed. You gon’ see 1,000 heads go, ‘Damn.’ They don’t even know why they doing it. They’re natural breeders. It’s in their genes, they can’t help it. Even if you’re walking with your girl and you’re holding her hand and you see a bad chick walk by and she lookin’ at you like, ‘Boy you better not look,’ you gonna wanna look so bad and you don’t even know why that urge is there, but you’re a natural breeder. It’s what we do. Men are put on this earth to breed and the reason God put multiple women on this earth is for that.”

On dating:

“What’s happening now is that people are having relationships — boyfriend and girlfriend and treating it like it’s actually marriage. You’re just dating. The whole purpose of dating is so you can date this one, then this one and that one until you find the person you want to spend the rest of your life with.”

On marriage:

“Marriage just solidifies a relationship between a man and a woman spiritually under God’s eyes. So, I can be spiritually attached to her, and still be spiritually attached to her (referring to another woman), and still be spiritually attached to (yet another woman).”

On reproduction:

“When looking at reproduction, there’s always going to be more reproducers than actual producers themselves. There’s more to it scientifically, but as humans, women need to take more time to understand men. If they can do that I think things will work out better for us.”

In conclusion he said, ” I don’t know one woman who can satisfy a man’s every need. It’s impossible. Just like there’s no man who can satisfy a woman’s every need. You know what I’m saying? But, women aren’t built to have multiple partners — men are.”

Source: http://afri-culture.com/akon-says-america-should-embrace-polygamy-because-one-woman-cant-satisfy-a-mans-every-need/


What a shame! This is why we continue to have irresponsible men.

Interesting responses. Looks like everyone is for it. I'm not 100% against it, but I have my reservations when it comes to dating someone who comes from a broken home. I just feel like they are prone to behave in a manner that is familiar to them. When trouble arise in the home -- divorce might just be an easy option for them.

But, you had some great points!

I am not sure if it's a good idea because:

1) People are a product of their environment. If a person is comfortable with being raised in a single parent home, he won't have a problem raising his children in that kind of environment either.

2) History repeats itself.

3) A person who has divorced parents is more likely accept divorce as an option when they encounter hardships in their marriage.

4) Who will they go to for advice when facing marital problems?


What do you guys think? Would you feel comfortable marrying a person whose parents are divorced?

He said: "I THOUGHT ALL AFRICAN GIRLS WERE BALD HEADED WITH FLIES ON THEIR FOREHEAD..." He adds some more ignorant comments about African women. I heard this fool is half African. What a shame!

Watch video -- starts at 2:00


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5Gs2akNiYY8&feature=player_embedded