₦airaland Forum

Nazgul:
I'm afraid that your observations are on point cos I have the same observations as well.

The most recent was my cousin brother who got married in 2020 before the lockdown, as I'm writing this we barely talk these days, even to reply WhatsApp messages na war. And when he does it's one complain or the other, ranging from how things are hard and since I'm single and an only child, I should assist him financially, to how his wife has changed, to how their one year old child consumes food like an adult... etc.

To understand him much better, I decided to put myself in his shoes. I'm a single guy, I renewed my rent last month (April) and I sat down to calculate all my monthly expenses. Data, fuel, gotv/Netflix, electricity, security, LAWMA, feeding, gas, miscellaneous...etc.

My point is if a woman comes on board that budget would tripple cos kids would be expected, she might want you to open a business for her, courtesy of your pocket, she might come with her younger sister to help out whose training and welfare would be on you, she would sometimes want you to assist her family eg, parents, siblings writing exams, school fees, rent...etc.

Now while your expenses has tripled, your income most times remains the same or even lower, you would resort to borrowing just to sustain your home, of which she won't even appreciate cos according to her, it's not enough, other men out there like you are performing much better for their families. You would live all your life working to finance the home, even your own kids would be strangers to you and love her more when she buys them Christmas clothes from the money you gave to her. They would grow up loving her as a sweet mom and vow never to see her suffer. forgetting all the sacrifices and dreams you gave up just to give them a better life. After pondering through all these, I understood my cousin's situation much better.

If I'm to be honest there's nothing special about marriage, it's more or less like bondage for men. And benefits only the women. Marriages if you have noticed have have reduced greatly, there are so many guys in their 30s and even 40s who aren't even talking about settling down. Would you blame them....of course not.

Women these days aren't helping matters. They dump the larger chunk of the financial responsibility on the man in the name of men are the head so it's his responsibility to cater for the home. But what they don't understand is God created women as a helpmeet, meaning they're there to lessen the budern of the man and not to add to it.

Open any topic here on Nairaland and talk about responsibilities in the home. More than 99% of the female replies would be that it's the job of the man and the man alone.

Women need to change such mindset, cos it has killed and drained the honey of millions of marriages.

I think some men marry wrongly. They see the good lady that loves them, ready to support them even financially, and in some cases they even love these ladies but they end up settling down with a slay mama (a flashy lady), because she's beautiful, good on bed or dresses to kill. Then the marriage becomes toxic... What exactly are you expecting when you marry such person?

I just read your previous post. The red flags were glaring, it was all very clear that you were dating yourself. You should have walked away when you saw the signs but you chose to stay because you felt he'll change. Nobody's advise is final in your relationship, no matter how people advice you, you're the one in it and knows how it feels.
I can feel your pains, sorry it ended this way. There's nothing you can do, you just have to move on. It's okay to cry, so just let it out. Listen to gospel music (Don Moen), don't watch relationship movies (watch only the ones that relates with your situation), hang out with friends if you have any, or visit your family if you're no more staying with them. With all these, you'll refill your energy again and be better.

I'll advise you take a month leave to be with your family, that way you'd get relieved from that emotional entanglement you have with that lady. Delete her number, unfollow her from social media and fight the thoughts of thinking about her.

Stayingtrueee:
A part of me really wants this child but the thought the father doesn't want to have anything to do with it is killing me

Put some thoughts into consideration like if you're above 29 and can afford to take care of the child then keep the pregnancy but if you don't have tangible resources to care for that child then abortion is the option with or without his presence. He mustn't follow you to the hospital, and he doesn't have to pay for any damage. Keeping the pregnancy was a mutual agreement between you two before he started acting up.

jackals:
I'm not with any man. Men have an habit of underating you when you show them how much you care. Between, I just wanted to see how consistent he is. I just dropped an SMS for him on his local number hoping he reply.

My dear you need to call him, tell him you want to hang out with him.. then discuss. You've made a mistake by ignoring his messages and calls, now it's time you call him and fix things. I know you acted according to what you read or heard (someone told you to play that way). But it doesn't always work out that way. I think in as much as we're being advised on how to handle our relationships, we're the ones in the relationship, we know how the other person reasons and how they'll respond. Go get your man gal!

October, 2022 �

Kobojunkie:
But exactly what are the "right" reasons for marriage? There was really not one given us by God, you see, except that He made humans male and female, and so marriage. The same God who made humans male and female also created some Eunuchs.

So, my question again is what "right" reasons are there for marriage and who decides what is "right" for whom?

I get your point. But what am trying to say is that it's wrong when a lady is looking out for just a man that has money to get married to without considering other attributes about him, like character. Same with a guy lust over a lady's physical looks without considering other attributes. Marriages based on such are bound to fail. Beauty fades, what happens when the money isn't there? This is where character and good communication is very important, so if it was never there during the courtship, it still won't be there in the marriage.

Kobojunkie:
Most people marry wrongly ke?

Divorce is not a sin so yes it is better to get out of hell than cling to what is hell for no reason.

Of course, most of the marriages we have today just few of the couples are friends with each other and are really compatible. The rest are out of pressure from family/ friends, societal influence/ tagging, age, financial issues, lust, etc. People aren't marrying for the right reasons these days

Uprightness100:
Irrespective of how the world changes, The WORD of GOD will not Change because of a Changing World.

Being a Christian, Gospel musician, Pastor, Prayer machine, Bishop or whatever does not Exempt you from Disater if you go outside GOD'S will or GOD'S plan. Once you choose your own way, it does not Matter who you are, you will face the Consequences.

These are the Facts of Marriage from the Word of GOD.

GOD'S Standard of marriage is One man one wife.

GOD Hates Divorce. If you happen to come to a point where you say your spouse has done this or that and you cannot Forgive or you are going, you must understand that remarrying Under any guise is fornication and Adultery.

Only Death Permits one to remarry. Any other remarry is Immorality, Fornication and Adultery.

GOD is the Institutor of Marriage. Conciously involve GOD in your Choice of Partner. If you are Honest with GOD, HE will Direct u. GOD speaks! GOD leads! GOD directs.
If your don't hear GOD, better not to marry.

What are you even saying? Is marriage now a do or die affair? If it's not working divorce the person and have your peace.
Most people marry wrongly, the mistake has been made. Make corrections by walking out of the marriage. Stop twisting the word of God in the way that suits you

byrron:
There is a reason for the word "courtship".

Before jumping into marriage, get to know your prospective life partner and decide if their limitations which you have observed while courting can be tolerated by you for the rest of your life.

Have an honest conversation about your observations and concerns to the other party and if those concerns are not addressed, then you already know what to expect when you end up as married couples.

Do not ignore all the red flags observed during courtship due to other primordial considerations such as short term benefits while sacrificing your future happiness.

Self appraisal remains the best advice ever and any contributions from any individual or religious figures are nothing but an opinion and they're not sacrosanct.

Most people ignore red flags in their relationships, because of age, desperation to get married, family pressure, etc. It's painful that life doesn't work out the way we planned.
I just came out from a one week relationship cos I figured out that all the guy wanted was sex and what I wanted was to see if we could have a good communication. Communication is very important in marriage, if we both can't have an intellectual conversation then it's gonna be a problem in marriage.

Who is this thing talking? Anybody could just wake up and type nonsense?? Gov. Diri owes Dickson nothing, they're both not even good leaders, so better keep your f mouth shut.
What a state? What a shame? The state has been suffering from bad leaders, it's appalling.

Oyindamolah:
MARTIAL BED.

My wife says no sex until her mother leaves our house.
FROM A MY COUSIN:

I'm happily married with two young kids ages 2 and 4. We stay in a 2-bedroom apartment and usually leave the connecting door ajar so that if the kids wake up during the night they may have access to our room to seek comfort, which is very frequent especially during these noisy thunder storms.

My problem started with the arrival of my mother-in-law, less than a week ago to spend 2 months. Of course, she sleeps with her grand kids in their room.

This doesn’t stop them from frequenting our room during the night, so the door is still left ajar. Much to my amazement, my wife has now told me that she will no longer allow us to copulate during the time her mother is with us. She said her mum scolded her and feels we are rude to engage in lovemaking knowing fully well that she is in the adjoining room.

My wife has always feared her mum so it is impossible for me to convince her that this is her house, not her mum’s. I don’t see myself going one week without sex, talk less of 2 months! Is it my fault that the bed creaks or that my wife has to make noise at her height of ecstasy?

I feel that my mother-in-law is being very intrusive and insensitive and I’m prepared to talk to her and ask her to leave if she insists on tormenting my wife, but I know that my wife won’t find it funny at all.

What should I do?

This what you should tell her " if you're not going to have sex with me because of your mom's complaints, I'm going to leave the house for the 2 months she'll be staying, no feeding money and when I come back, am coming with a divorce paper... So get ready"

Nigerians! Only God will save this nation. The comments I see weakens me. So all the change you people have been screaming only ends on your lips. You don't even intend putting it into actions by voting right? Now you're looking at who's more grounded in politics between Wike and Tinubu? What about looking at achievements, someone that will do better and not embezzle the nation's income?? Why vote someone dementia and feeble as a result of old age? Pls we can do better than vote in another incompetent leader. The policies of these old folks doesn't work for us because the world is globalising... their pattern is outdated.

Hoedogwu:
It's not IVF bro, it happens like this most times. Women that stays long before giving birth usually birth twins or tripplets

Didn't you read the part the husband said she went through medical treatment??

I go to work everyday without makeup. I do make up like once in 3 or 4 months, if not more

Gentlerespect76:
Getting married to someone you love, is part of success.

And if she doesn't love you in return, it's the beginning of downfall/failure

If you marry the wrong person or in a relationship with the wrong person, it drains you physically, emotionally and psychologically. When you marry a person you're compatible with or in a relationship, you'll soar high.

They're all boring to me... I don't watch and I don't like them

desiredhome:
So why can't you make your own like that? You complain of bad leaders/politicians still you celebrate/support the thiefing politicians......

Corruption is in both leader and the lead, youths inclusive

And where did I make comments celebrating our insane politicians? One thing you should know is that policies set up in this country are not in favour of the younger generation... So how do we grow? That's why most people will leave this country if they have the opportunity to a saner environment where things works and where the government prioritize human lives

okuta007:
wise man - clap for yourself

shay u don stay America before?

apart from refrigerator, microwave and dishwasher (in expensive apartments, laundry machine) guy -- other things u must buy


tv. sound system, furniture etc are not provided by the apartment

u talk of certifications - do u even have work authorization? what of social security card? how u wan take work better work wey fit pay that rent? how u want to write certifications when u are not in the system? you landing on a plane from Nigeria does not mean u have access to anything as per work, career or education - UNTIL you get here - your eye no go clear

I'm not a guy. Your immigration status? That's left for you to work out, cos that's a completely different topic. My comment is based on those who go there for greener pasture. If you're going there to work, then get your work permit. If you don't have that then remain in your country until you get it and stop running around like a fugitive.
Perhaps those home appliances you mentioned that are already available in the house, the average man over here can't afford them cos they're way too expensive

desiredhome:
So why can't you make your own like that? You complain of bad leaders/politicians still you celebrate/support the thiefing politicians......

Corruption is in both leader and the lead, youths inclusive

Your response has nothing to do with my comment. Pls if you're quoting me, do that based on my comment, cos I didn't make any comment on our scrupulous politicians or their leadership

The houses over there are of standard, well furnished... You don't need to be running around with properties or trying to get one when moving into another house cos everything you need is available in the house. Perhaps security is guaranteed, you get value for your money, sane and clean environment. Some of those people complaining don't have the required certifications that will put them in places that can earn them good money. So hustling to make ends meet is inevitable

Kortumar:
Your realization came too late. Amateur politician

He's not an amateur politician. He took the right step in defending his nation because this invasion was certain and only a coward would run away from a fight. There are times you live to fight another day and there are also times one faces the heat... Now is that time to face the heat. At least he has come to realize that these bodies ( NATO, UN, EU) can't help. This was the only way to find out because the world had so much confidence in them and the US. Every nation has learnt from this

That's unprofessional. Why will you shoot an unarmed person? This is wrong, it's really terrible... Am so pained right now. Justice should prevail

Female: Omotola
Genevieve
Clara Chukwura
Male: Kanayo
Pete Edochie

VEHINTOLAR:
The time to surrender to your big brother Putin is now ! NATO plus United States can't save you from Russia. Naturally,the entire Baltic region is under the sphere of influence of Russia and it will be difficult for any nation or a group of nations,no matter how powerful they claim to be,to upset that.

Those who are saying Russia can't attack Poland,Estonia etc because they're NATO members are only fooling themselves. Russia will attack all of them together simultaneously if NATO dares to arm any one of or all of them with nuclear weapons ! Russia is a country with enormous military capabilities and as such cannot be pushed around by any nation.

This war has only exposed the naivety and inexperience of Mr Zelensky in the world of political diplomacy. It is hoped that he has learnt his lessons going forward.

You're right but I don't think Zelensky is naive or inexperienced in political matters. This something that will definitely happen one day (Russia invasion of Ukraine) because the Ukraine has been longing to join NATO and EU. Now they've seen these bodies can't help. I believe every nation has learnt from this, because people had confidence in US, UN, NATO and the EU but it's all clear now that they're weak bodies that can't prevent war/ invasion but are imposing sanctions that would have been done earlier to avoid the invasion.

Parrot69:
You write like someone who had been deported or having someone who suffered the same fate. Are you a japarist?

Lolz you're funny... Well I'm not but sometimes when you put yourself in someone's shoes then you'd understand better.

I don't expect them to request for visa or ticket, it should be a free flight since these people are willing to lay down their lives for the country (Ukraine). All they're suppose to do is take down the details of those coming in to help in the fight.

MyExpression:
Yea, you heard it right.

To Pay ooo, NOT To Be Paid?

People wey we dey risk our lives to epp!

Make una no worry, Russia go soon capture Kiev/Kyiv

The Ukrainian government would pay them $3300 dollars every month which is over a million when converted to naira

Welcome home! Too bad you didn't plan returning now, really sorry life turned out this way. Too bad the state of Nigeria is worst as cost of living is on the high side but situation has brought you home. May God give you the grace to stand strong again.
Have read a lot of mockery comments, this not the time to make stupid jokes of their arrival.
Friends and families should please try and comfort them cos as it is now, some have lost their properties, businesses, a lot of assets. Pls do well to comfort and encourage them so it won't lead them to depression. My prayers to them �

Pierocash:
They should also show us the number of Ukrainian forces that has fallen under the superior fire power of the Russian troops

Listen to the news, they've been giving us numbers of Ukrainians that have been killed so far in the war. Russians are the ones not giving us any info

Mossadd:
Lol I talk am.China will rather abstain than to vote against Russia US go they look China with one kind eye whereas they did the same thing when terrorist Israel were raining fire on innocent palenstin may GOD ALMIGHTY BLESS PRESIDENT PUTIN

Your prayer is minority prayer. The world is supporting Ukraine