₦airaland Forum

KanwuliaExtra:
Daz alright.
I looooovit.

Lol you have a very 'amazonian' personality sha, it is your nick name from now on

Acidosis:
I think your opinion is based on your perception of the moniker. She's one of the few persons here that carry "marriage matter for head" yeah, which isn't bad as many of her antagonists want us to believe.

Even if the purpose is to tell us that marriage is somehow better than work, it's still an opinion although I don't think she's compared both in anyway.

I am convinced a lot of people are threatened by her personality and values about life, marriage and family.

The message I've seen here shouldn't in anyway be a threat. I hold stronger, probably more annoying ideas about career and family.

Lol oh boy

bukatyne:
@bold:

When I told a poster that marriage and work are both means to an end and compared the difference between purpose and work?
[b]Work is to provide your means of livelihood: Marriage is for companionship, prevention of adultery and raising godly children.

Marriage like work is also a means to an end.

The advantage of focusing on marriage over work is that you train kids who will carry on with your legacy.

Marriage however differs in that it affects every other decision and fulfillment of your purpose.

To break it down, let's use Mary (the mother of Jesus) as an example:

Mary's purpose was to birth the savior (Jesus Christ). Let's assume she was a farmer (the Bible didn't say), that's her work. She was married to Joseph (an excellent choice because he was godly, fair and righteous).

Imagine Joseph was a rebebe man: it would not have been easy for her to fulfill her purpose; she might never have even fulfilled it.

That's why I would rate marriage above work.

Some other examples of work vs purpose are:

1. Jesus Christ: He was a carpenter (work) however, his purpose was to save the world.

2. Peter: Was a fisherman (work), his purpose was to be an apostle and being Christ to the Jews.

Etc. Etc.

Discover your purpose (the hard part), then marry someone who keys into that purpose and vice versa. While at it, you would surely have a work to earn a living.[/b]

This line is lifted directly from the OP:
Every body has the duty to discover their purpose and fulfill it.

In summary, work is just work: a means to an end of living a better life and fulfilling your purpose/assignment in earth.

This is another line capturing everything;
Discover your purpose (the hard part), then marry someone who keys into that purpose and vice versa. While at it, you would surely have a work to earn a living.

How can I think marriage is our purpose and tell people to look for it?

You'all should just admit you saw bukatyne and went bonkers

I said you insinuated that marriage is a better purpose than work.

You say everyone has a duty to fulfill their purpose then contradict yourself by saying 'work in itself cannot give satisfaction hence replacing your family with 'work' always ends in tears.' and 'That is a work/job: it gives you money and the fine things of life however, it can never give fulfillment.'

You're not the first person to have contradictory views to someone...your messages are just confusing sometimes and your tone often comes across as imposing

Also, all this 'we saw you and went bonkers' talk, as humans we naturally have impressions of people and things. If someone has a history of a certain thing, it's normal to associate you with a type of topic and vibe. It happens to everyone, you're just a little more polarizing than the average. You're the same person who made a topic justifying marital rape, it's not unreasonable to have a 'strong' opinion on someone like that lol

Acidosis:
When has a topic/discussion on "discovering one's purpose" become a threat? Isn't this the same message we hear from highly paid motivational speakers?

No that's not it. If you actually read the OP let's be honest with ourselves
It’s a writeup that basically asserts that marriage is somehow inherently a better purpose than work, but done in a way that attempts to be lowkey by way of just alluding to things. Perhaps if she had just stated her preference rather than ‘telling’ people what the standard is along with the usual thinly veiled patronizing tone and smugness, people wouldn’t have been as turned off.

Her vibe is very 'white woman tears'(the stereotype) adjacent to me

Raalsalghul:
You don tey for Nairaland oh!

Lmao yeah I have, it sha took up most of my teen years

meeky007:
pls I beg u in d name of God, send me dis song
09080753801 WhatsApp

What the mp3?

KanwuliaExtra:
I miss her oooooo.
We fought like MAAAAADO!
Then became NL pals in the end.

The good old days. I miss them.

Lmao, realised I was calling you amazonjoy when I meant almond

I miss her too

Arthur2021:
so why do ladies cry foul when men hold them to high moral and sexual standards?
Patriarchy shackles both men and women . why do women want to fall short on the expectations on them by patriarchy (like Virginity) and still want us men to fufill our roles?

Roles? I don’t believe the average man in a Nigerian household is the sole provider like the yesteryears. Dual income households are pretty common, forget all the sensationalism about gold digging you see online. On top of this she’ll be doing domestic work and looking after the children alone. And this same guy will be demanding sexual purity.

sexylassie2:
Let's be serious, how many men in this poor country have money?

Not many

'Average' women get married to average men every day in Nigeria

I think the problem is many of these guys wailing are shooting above their weight with 'slay queens' rather than looking for someone on their level

Nigerian men who actually have money love spending on their women

KanwuliaExtra:
Na real AMAZONJOY!
Absolutely!

Thank you jare!
Let me PEPPER DEM!

Lool you are jennykad (I think she joined after you) were characters

KanwuliaExtra:
More old pictures!
Yes oooooo very old! 20 years+++++++
To prove WE ARE REAL! Not to be making EMPTY NOISE ON AND OFF NL FOR WHAT YOU CAN NEVER ACHIEVE!!!!!

If YOU GARRRRRIT. . . . FLAUNNNNNIT!

Who E Pain? Who E Pain?

Most of you come online and be posting thrassssh about godly marriage dis. . .heavenly children dat!

Hiahn! Online “flexxxxxxing”!

We dey HIDE OOOOOO!


Hiaaaaahn!

BOBO MI!!!!

Ezigbo ONYE-IGBO!!! CORREEEEKT!!!
God bless my SWEEEEET-OPEN-UNGODLY MARRIAGE

Are you amazonjoy from the old nairaland? Pretty woman

Patriarchy, a system men created told men their value and worth lies in money and status, and women, their beauty. Therefore a broke woman can technically get away with telling a man he is useless since that isn't where her 'stock' lies

cococandy:
It’s not unusual to have misogynists masquerading as females to try and paint feminism bad.
Also doesn’t mean there aren’t extremist women out there. (Like the one in this OP). People will latch onto definitions and examples that confirm their biases. Humanology 101.

But don’t lose sight of the goal sisters.Which is the reduction/eradication of gender based oppression and helping women rise up to positions that have traditionally been given to men with or without due merit.

The ones who latch onto these extreme views have no interest in understanding the true goal in the first place.

Oh please, whilst this is sick there are cultures that have been and still actively abort/kill female babies because of the preference for a male son. I’m sure it’s happened to every gender at some point but female infanticide is the most common

A few extremist (possibly troll) tweets aren’t anything compared to the actual widespread targeted killings on female babies in ‘real life’

You sound like you mean well, but you need to stop posting pictures/videos of her without her permission and putting her in unprepared situations like putting the camera in her face, it's literally the worst thing you could do to her. It's obviously a very sensitive matter to her, however, she shouldn't have smashed your phone, it should never come to that

Sometimes, no matter how beautiful people tell someone they are, they cannot think the same about themselves unless they see certain things in themselves that they personally want to see.

This sounds like her case, and if she wants to feel better and she can't get past how uncomfortable certain things make her, the wisest thing to do would be to make an effort to work on these things where possible e.g, weight, skin, hair (if these are also issues) and whatever else adds to her insecurities.

Getting rid of bad habits, for example, sleeping with makeup and wigs is not healthy for her skin or hair, in the long term she's just making things worse for herself. As for the social aspect, I don't really see an issue with her being shy and quiet, I'm assuming that's how you met her? Sounds like it's just her personality

If however, you're talking about a new and separate type of anxiety that has developed as a result of her insecurities, maybe it will also start to improve as she works on herself and starts to see herself in a better light. If it's a totally separate thing on its own, dealing with psychological/ behavioural issues are a lot more complex than physical solutions so perhaps maybe do a bit of research on ways to help it

Whilst you should do your part as far as not taking pictures/videos of her without her permission, she can't avoid every single picture from everyone and everywhere, well she can but it may just end up being awkward sometimes. She's entitled to not wanting a picture taken of her, it's just not pragmatic to avoid it all the time

I don't know what advice to give about that except that if she follows through with working on herself, maybe/hopefully she will get become more confident in front of a camera?

Like I said, sometimes people don't believe it until they see it for themselves. But she needs to make an effort where possible (if she isn't already, and I acknowledge that 'working on yourself' does not necessarily guarantee she will become the 'optimal' version of herself in her own eyes, but it's better than nothing), otherwise, she'll just remain in this space forever or end up getting worse. And that just doesn't help her or your relationship

I will never endorse breaking another person's home

However, girls should not feel bad for not wanting a broke man.

Be 'patient' with an 'upcoming' Nigerian man at your own peril, 8.5/10 times he won't extend you the same privileges if he had the upper hand. Whilst he is with you at his lowest he is preparing himself for who he really wants, and you will find that the new girl sha has even higher standards than you.

I'm not totally against all cases of staying with a broke man because there will always be exceptions, but do at your own risk and most definitely don't feel bad about it or obligated.

Bruno3000:
Men are less dramatic. Simple.

Men fight and kill people over trivial matters every day worldwide...you think it's just 'sour' relationships and crying? Lol men are less dramatic when they get to classify what it means l guess

In the average household, I never really hear stories of family members encroaching on the husband's territory (and being enabled) the way I hear they do to the wives.

With this kind of setup, why wouldn’t they have fewer issues?

Something is disproportionately in someone's favour and you're asking why/how they are doing better lol

eagleonearth:
e don sweet your Belle because say na man dem dey yab abi

It was funny

I love me some Frank Ocean @0KNM


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hgOu8eRJZ3Q


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uzS3WG6__G4


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r4l9bFqgMaQ


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PtvlmOsNV4E (This leans towards rap sort of lol)

ladyGKilaBCrueD:
stop talking to that boy
he's a crackhead
true story

Lool this troublemaker

@0KNM More


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=txZVJ24UVUs


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OQt4e3Odc2c


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vdDzlmcsHcg


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LpElhI7A6hM

0KNM:
Awwww Thank you

No problem, will add a few more

Then more if I think of any later

@0KNM


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iMZwvjYyyUA


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yVjFwcdQlN0


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D4-Ot74M7Z4


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WbL0TnQMSKg

@0KNM More


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o6Q6HYJOo2M


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zO8fgFz1Www


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dA5iX62FYUA


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SDSXLkD74KE

0KNM:
Not a DJ

Soul, funk, some old RnBs and maybe country (Not the new country though)

Some tracks that came to mind, I'll come up with more


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T3CunfPYkME


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C_s-EmzVRJY


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UtzE0u8QHTM


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kC2QK6KHnEA

0KNM:
Yea, same here. I was on some Betty Wright almost all day and Pac then back to Highlife

I really need some break off Afrobeat/rap/hiphop/pop. Let’s see what you can do about that

Hmm, so you want songs that aren't afrobeat/rap/hiphop/pop? I'll see what I can whip up, though I'm no DJ o lol

Any particular genre you're interested in?

0KNM:
OK, I think I love these SiR and Jeff Buckley ones.

What you playlist like?

You must have posted the Heat song couple of times last year or so. Not really sure but I think I listened after you posted. Not really sure

My playlist has a bit of everything sha but I have 'seasons' when I listen to certain genres more

Yeah I think I posted the Heat song a lot

SweetOlive:
Chis Brown ft. Gunna - Heat

I'm so in LOVE with BREEZY

0KNM

I was obsessed with this song for most of 2019 sha lol

0KNM:
Omo pupa - Victor Olaiya


Last post here tonight


Btw, Ibkayee you got any nice song to share? Get out of your ‘Boris’. I was gonna say BJ then I realised it wouldn’t mean Boris Johnson no more lol

Lol hmm I've been listening to these songs recently


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g97zdMU68tk


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wJMUKCSbSM4


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2QajgEpKqCA


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A3adFWKE9JE

The people in the video made good points against this notion, I guess the title was just clickbait

Trying to change a man in order to get him to respect/love you is actually pretty degrading. There's no point giving yourself a migraine over things he won't do for you naturally

Don't bother trying to change anyone, change is only maintained when the person is doing it for themselves

I think it works differently depending on the type of relationship

It could work to your advantage, or not. Depends on a bunch of things