₦airaland Forum

ekika:
mention the other ones, then the way forward,

But op mentioned them..

Abugab:
Only you, from ikorodu to CMS to apple junction...you be Mongo Park for Lagos wey dey on expedition?
I dey even suspect you self.

Baba cool down nao...all these happened within 6 months...Isn't it possible for the average commuter to cover these axes (and more) within such time frame?

*Edit*
For those that didn't get the Apollo Robbins reference, here's the link.

Yes o! Na only me waka come!!!

It might sound unbelievable but it happened and I wouldn’t have written it (cause it sounded unbelievable) if not that it nearly happened again. Elsewhere!

Place: Ikorodu
Time: 20:00-21:00 Hrs ish

I had just alighted from the bus with other passengers who were busy spewing all forms of expletives at the bus driver and his conductor. Their crime? They had decided to discharge all passengers almost 1km to the bus stop and made a u-turn due to the notorious ‘rush-hour’ gridlock. Knowing that nothing I said (or did) would prevent them from repeating the same actions the next day, under the same circumstances, I just kept my cool and decided to use the strolling time to reply some pending pings on my phone. I had nothing to worry about after all - it was a busy place and I was partly aware of my surroundings since I still had to look up intermittently. I had in my possession, three phones (2 in the front left pocket of my jean pants and one in my hands) and my wallet (in the back right pocket of my jean pants).

Some seconds into my journey towards the Oga Roundabout, one guy walked past me (on my right side) and almost immediately slowed down and gave me this look indicative that I had just brushed him accidentally. I knew fully well that I didn’t brush him, and not wanting any tracasserie, I mindlessly apologized and continued chatting on my phone. He then engaged me in a chat that went somewhat like this:

Dude: “I think say you no go talk sorry, I for show you”.
Me: “No vex jare”.
Dude: “You be correct guy joor” (he extends his hand in an handshake gesture)
Me: (Giving him a girlish handshake - y’all know this type) “No lele”

Note: none of us stopped walking, and he was slightly ahead of me, so he was quite close to me.

Dude: “If no be say you talk sorry ehn, I for punch you like this (he feigns a punch clearly not directed at me so I didn’t mind) or make I gbege you like this” (he then grips my jean pants by the waist on the left side and made as if to lift me).
Me: “Oga wetin dey worry you nao? Free me joor” (I pushed him away and wasn’t in anyway aggressive mainly because a highly concentrated waft of an alcoholic nature oozed from his mouth and nose [joking], and partly because I am not aggressive in nature).

Dude: “I just say make I tell you ni”

I checked my back pocket for my wallet and thankfully it was still there, only for the guy to be like:

Dude: “Find something for your boy nao”
Me: “Oga, nothing dey o! Next time abeg” (My default response to Lagos Beggars)
Dude: “No wahala bros” (He then extends his hand to give me another handshake which I took hurriedly and continued tapping away on my phone).
Dude: “Baba, which side you dey go?” (To be sincere, I was attributing this emergency paddy paddy to his inebriated state so I answered him)
Me: “I dey go that Agbowa-Imota side” (kinda false)
Dude: “Me I dey stay that side” (he points towards the direction I was headed from, though on the other side of the road). “If e just reach that side, ask of Taiwo” (I paused for a second to acknowledge his last statement with a nod and then I was like
Me: “No lele baba, nice meeting you”

And for the umpteenth time, I faced my work phone and headed towards my destination. But I could notice from my peripheral vision that he was fixated on the phone I held in my hands (some bigass screen phone - bout 4.7” display). Then he was like:

Dude: “Bros, you suppose hide your phone for pocket o. The police for this Ikorodu dey para gan. Dem fit think say you be Yahoo boy o”
Me: “Nothing dey happen joor, sebi na person wey be yahoo boy go dey fear”

I was wearing a T-shirt, Jean pants and kicks and carrying a back pack containing my laptop so I don’t understand the “Yahoo boy” tag” but I still obliged and pocketed the phone (in the left pocket where the other 2 phones were), though mainly because I now wanted to really get out of this drunkard’s sight if he wouldn’t get out of mine.

Dude: “No talk so o! Dem go just come gbege you, drag you like this”
(So he grabs me in the same ‘demonstrative’ manner he first did and this time around, I shoved him off a bit aggressively)
Me: “Guy, free me nao!! Wetin be all this one?”

He releases his grip, stops in his tracks, and I go my way...but not without stealing one last look at him. Then I noticed that he tried to pull off his shirt, changes his mind, and wears it back. That was when I decided to check for my wallet again - and phones. I then discovered almost immediately that there were only 2 phones in my left pocket instead of 3, and upon closer scrutiny, it was the one I pocketed last that was missing. All this happened in less than 3 seconds! Immediately, I went back to him and was like:

Me: “Bros, I take God beg you, wey my phone?”
Dude: (Raising his hands) “If e search me, e no see am, wetin make I do you?”
Me: “Bros, I no want make we shout, I go find you something (I meant it), just give me back my phone”

At this point, I was already frisking him, but to my surprise, the phone wasn’t on him. I swear down, that realization scared the bejesus out of me!

Dude: “I say If e search me, and e no dey, wetin make I do you?”

Then a ‘Good Samaritan’ stopped by and asked:

G.S: “Wetin happen?”

Sensing that there had to be an accomplice since the phone wasn’t on him, and this G.S had to be that accomplice, I immediately started frisking the G.S while my eyes were still fixated on my number 1 suspect.

Me: (While frisking the G.S) “This guy (referring to the first suspect with a head gesture) carry my phone and him dey deny”
Dude: “Abi eleyi siere ni?” (Is this one mad), and he landed a punch on my face.

Note: Passers-by were still passing by and no one paid attention to our little 'ménage à trois'. Yet.

I first held my cheek bone where he hit, felt an excrescence immediately. The transition from 'drunk' to 'Mayweather' within 2 seconds got me going like WTF! I wanted to hit back but decided against it, but instead went for his collars - oppa women's-you-go-kill-me-today style, grabbed ‘em with all the strength I’ve got and shouted “Ole! Ole!! Ole!!!” at the top of my voice.

Since it was a busy place, some passers-by had stopped and had began to confront him while I held him. So I continued my verbal assault and was like: “He’s a thief! A pick pocket! He picked my pocket and stole my phone!!”.

Before I could say Jack Robinson, the G.S tapped me and was like: “No be your phone be this?”.

Y’all shoulda seen the wave of relief I felt when my phone touched my hand (My Precious!!!). I then released my grip completely and was explaining to one of the roadside sellers that the phone had surfaced o! Meanwhile, the baga was now sober and was apologizing to the elderly men that were tongue-lashing him. The G.S disappeared immediately and the roadside sellers were urging me to wait until the matter was completely resolved so the matter won’t escalate. For a second, I was considering doing just that. But in a matter of seconds, some thugs had arrived the scene and were shouting “Ki lon happen?” (What’s happening) and were attacking the small crowd that had formed with slaps and blows (apparently in a bid to disperse the forming crowd and get the pick pocket to fade out). I was even on the receiving end of one hot ‘sapa’ on my ‘ogo’ and upon receiving this, I left the scene shaperly, went into the nearby Addidae store, cooled off, and headed home - with my swollen face as a voucher to the invaluable lesson I just learnt, and my phone in my pocket.

Fast forward a few weeks later...Last Sunday to be precise

Place: CMS
Time: 17:30-18:00 Hrs ish

So I boarded a bus from Alausa to CMS and upon alighting at the last bus stop (close to Tantalizers), an impoverished-looking fella approached me and was begging for money. I ignored him and was walking towards Marina from Tantalizers and this guy was following me and was even specific in demand when he said: “Brother, please even if na 50 naira to buy Gala”. I didn’t even bat an eyelid (I detest Lagos Beggars!!!!!!) and continued in the direction I was headed. Just as the beggar was about to give up and probably look for a better prospect, I ‘ran into’ someone from behind and actually hit his leg with mine unknowingly while I was walking past him. I quickly apologized and was sincere in my demeanor when he said (yea you guessed right!!): “If to say you no talk sorry ehn, I for land you better punch”. Whilst he uttered this statement, he was actually trying to catch up with my brisk pace. I then remembered my Ikorodu episode and went Ben Johnson on him...

Then it dawned on me..there is a pattern! It’s a working modus operandi. They accuse you of brushing them, and whether you apologize or not, they try to confront you physically and empty your pocket.

In the second scenario, maybe if I had given the 'beggar' guy some money, the thief would have hinged on the fact that I just returned my wallet to my pocket, and as such, might be briefly distracted from there (after all, I had just put it back). I don't know what would've happened, but I'm glad I didn't wait to find out.

But before these recent encounters, earlier in the year, I boarded a Shuttle from Festac to Second Rainbow and when the shuttle discharged some passengers at Apple Junction, one weird looking plus-sized guy boarded and sat close to me. I was with a friend who sat close to the window and we were engrossed in our convo when this new passenger started sneezing at a rate of 20SPM (Sneezes per minute) or Once in 3 seconds. The distance between Apple Junction and Second Rainbow isn’t up to a minute on a good day and this guy sneezed all through. When we got to Second Rainbow, this guy paid, collected his balance and alighted, then a woman from the back seat wanted to alight so I allowed her (them shuttles only have two seat rows behind the driver). Immediately she stepped out, she bent and picked a phone from the floor (just by the front right tyre) and was like, “who get this phone?”. You can imagine how I felt when I realized that the phone that she held in her hands was mine. It was in my right pocket the last time I checked and I could only think of two explanations as to how it could’ve left my pocket.
1. The phone had a mind of its own and decided to leave my pocket in search of greener pastures...clandestinely.
2. The ‘sneezer’ distracted me with his sneezing bout and picked my pocket successfully, but he was unable to effectively hide it without drawing my attention so he was careless with it and it fell off while he tried to alight.

I might be wrong and completely paranoid, especially in the CMS scenario, but I think these pick-pockets have gone Nollywood on us all! They are street-trained psychologists/mentalists and have mastered the art of misdirection à la Apollo Robbins. You just need to have a default mindset that any stranger, that gets too close either knowingly or not, and whether s/he is acting un/necessarily friendly or not is a pick-pocket. That's how to be safe from their subtle overriding of your brain's mechanism of alert.

All these happened this year and after the third NTE case (I call it the Near-Theft-Experience), I began to think about appeasing the god of pick-pockets. I must’ve done something wrong at one point in my life and the Adjustment Bureau had selected 2015 as my year. I’ve survived all three attempts made at my pockets so far and I feel I owe my duty to everybody out there that commutes the streets of Lagos (or any metropolis). Learn from my gullibility o (I know ALL that I did wrong by in retrospect)! Bois are not smiling!!!

People, why not share your experiences be it NTE or not? Let's learn o!

I agree with Toluxa1

There might be a mix up somewhere!

Pineapp:
For fun!
Husbands;
1. Pretends to have been choked by fish bone while eating and begins to cough profusely,thereby making the wife to say "what is it"? ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,the rest becomes history...
2. Purposely crosses one leg to touch the wife at night ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,the rest becomes history...
3. Purposely starts seriously searching for nothing in particular,making madam to finally say,"what are you even looking for "

@Emboldened
Epic! Works 10/10! Op, don't be such an informer!

Kudos to the photographer. The guy's face was hidden throughout, but I think his peeps would still recognize him if they connect the dots. Best of luck Dirk! Don't 'doll' yaself!

freecocoa:
How is something like this supposed to threaten my life when I know for sure, that I'm not any of the above? It's more like he is the mad one.

Lmsao @ the emboldened! Choi!!!

It ain't about knowing that you're not. Of course, insults don't cause physical harm immediately. It's an emotional thing..realizing that someone you love is insulting you (metaphorically comparing you to a mad man - idoit - senseless - etc.). S/he knows you're not, but s/he has just said you behaved like one. That's not just rude, but bat-shiit bereft of respect. RESPECT!

Really, abuses aren't meant to be life threatening in most cases. And I understand your point of view completely but I think there's a thin line between 'physical abuse' and 'attempted murder' though.

@Dinachi has nailed it, and I think the odds are almost the same as far as the physical effects of both forms of abuses are concerned. Why? How many lives have a hot slap ended? How many kids didn't make it to adulthood because of physically abusive parents? There will be figures mos def but I believe the point has been made.

bukatyne:
1. What is verbal abuse with examples?

2. Can physical abuse be devoid of verbal abuse?

1. You are a mad person! You good-for-nothing-never-do well-article-of-no-commercial-value-malformation! (Imagine this kinda diatribe from your spouse).

2. Physical abuse will most likely not be devoid of verbal abuse. And while verbal abuse can be devoid of physical abuse, the effect on the recipient, when it is the sole weapon of attack can dwarf that of physical abuse (accompanied of course with some verbal assault).

I think verbal abuse is worse.
As a young boy, flogging (physical abuse) never deterred me from repeating the same acts that got me flogged. Instead, I tried to avoid being caught. My dad knew this and barely flogged me. I feared him more even as e be say Mumsi flog tire!!!

In any relationship, words cut skin deep like knife on butter. Words are heavy.


But come to think of it, it's not about the action, it's about the state of mind preceding the action. That is what we should even try to address here. If what led to the abuse (verbal or physical) is deserving of an abuse, then the effect on the 'abused' shouldn't linger. If I hurt you and you slap me, or spew vitriol, then I'd blame myself for hurting you and not you for abusing me. But then I'd rather you wooze me and take me star-gazing (lol) than verbally abuse me.

My take.

I believe in Juju music à la King Sunny Ade and Afro Juju à la Shina Peters...Other than these, Op, Wha ya say


Jokes apart, the belief in Juju (or whatever euphemism it is known as), is a function of how superstitious the society one is brought up in is. Placebo also has a huge role to play in its 'efficacy'. Whether it is real or not (most likely not), it is highly selective in its workings.

What do I mean by that?

No amount of Juju will make one survive being used as speed-bump in a Tanker loading bay
No amount of Juju will make a lazy man appear on Forbes List
...the list is endless but I believe my point has been made.

*Drops Mic*

What Americans call Bull Shiiiii!

Oya nao!!!!!

Yes, he knows the constitution. The press might be responsible for the sentiments! Things are not always as they seem.

A true democrat.

chizidgreat:
I saw this picture at Borokiri axis of Portharcourt and decided to share with my fellow nairalanders for proper clarification.

She's a special guest. Not that she's ministering. She's not there to preach. Having a celeb in your congregation is a sure crowd puller.

SDP! SDP!! SDP!!!


#YouKnowYoureMethuselah if you can reply correctly!!!

AskProf:
"Lieutenant-General", a three-star Genaral, above a Major-General but below a full General.

I thought as much. I was shocked when the article referred to him as a Lieutenant. I for fear o!

Pardon my ignorance peeps but is the COAS a Lieutenant? Isn't that a typo?

Trekked into oblivion...He's probably orbiting Mars now.

I've always wondered why the CBN governor had to be an active high-ranking banker with one of the private-sector banks. There might be subtle bias towards the industry he probably has interests in. I might be wrong but the op's points are worth investigating. Such policies appear private sector bias-driven.

vorovoinc:
Thank you for your insight. Atleast you reasoned. You didn't call us scam like them fools.
Suppliers are not concern with port. We take timber to our yard. Different Chinese come to our yard for inspection. Not one Chinese.
We don't to the exportation. Chinese does that. We sell timber in our market called yard. Not at the port.
If a Chinese offer ridiculous price we won't sell to him because immediately he leave another Chinese will come and inspect.

Like I said. Not only one buyer and we don't take it to Chinese factories. We have our market place where we display it and call interested Chinese to come and inspect and buy.

Thanks

Chief, I get your point. You don't get mine. It's a value chain thing. Once the port is closed, the chincs stay out of the business and won't come and inspect. They will always come if customs keep allowing containers of timber to pass. You know shipping lines also don't release empty containers during such periods and truck drivers don't even do lifting. My point is just that you need to paint the exact picture (risk wise too) to your prospective partners. You owe them that. Also, don't you think your cost price projections are a bit too exaggerated?

Op, kindly explain to the prospective clients that the risks also involves occasional and unpredictable port closure (restriction of loaded containers of your ptericarpus by port customs). The implication is that Chinese won't buy (or offer ridiculous prices) and the support would be stranded. This is quite important.

You can definitely find love again.

QED.

It's relative jooor...

KingTom:
Brother please do your current job, save up, retire and then start your entrepreneurial business That's my plan and so far so good

Seems like the logical way to go about it but it has it's downside. Leaving the foray into business till after retirement could spell doom if anything goes wrong (which would most likely be the case). It's good to start early and make the mistakes early when there's still enough time to recover from it. That's what I feel anyway.

Hell is empty!
All the devils are here!!!

DEATHMACHINE:
these are Naval choppers bro

Yea. Didn't know until later. Thanks to the community here.

Henry120:
Bro, it's just a simple mistake. My only grouse with you is, as a spotter, you should have taken that beautiful photo with a powerful Nikon camera . You B.B camera just spoilt what ordinarily is a beautiful image.



* to know more on the Nigerian military, follow beegeagle's blog.

Bro! U just dissed an iPhone 6 camera. The shot was taken at maximum magnification.

Dem Chinese tho'

Henry120:
Those are Nigerian Navy Agusta A109e Helicopters. They are carrying the flags of the Federal Republic of Nigeria and that of the Nigerian Navy. That's not an APC flag!!!

Seemed like it to me..got carried away by the ignoramus chant of "change" by passers-by. I fück up sha! Thanks.

This was witnessed at Mile 2 this evening at around 18:57 hours. Did any one else see this?