₦airaland Forum

sigmond: my personal view is that women are more important due to one thing they are natural and money on the other hand is an artificial creation, what are your views?

ohh bless you. what a sweet guy u are

ndigbo - wat does [/i]hapuru[i] mean ?

CAMEROONPRIDE: Do u even know what's an opinion? If yes how exactly am I asking your opinions?

Yes sweetheart, i know what an opinion is. Just wondering why u care about a females opinion since in most post you're always bashing females and talking as if they're inferior to males. If we're so inferior, you shouldn't care about what we think! Ask a man which photos they prefer!!! By the way, your post doesnt even make sense.

why are nigerian men always going on about how ladies behave? Dont they have anything better to do? If you dont like looking at boobies, no one is forcing you to look at them! You're not the first man to see a boob and you wont be the last!

WackyJ1: did you see anything there about me trying to control women, i think you are in the wrong topic, and i an suspecting that you are a lady, because you are exhibiting one of the more female characteristic of inferring the very negative out of everything said. Because there is no way there that i am sounding condescending to women

Because of an experience with your ex, you conclude that every woman must be a certain way and you take it upon yourself to correct them because you are holy and superior and are in a position to correct them. Why not focus on correcting males first because they have lots of imperfections too nowadays. These females who are losing their virginities aren't losing it to themselves - its to men. Worry about changing yourself before trying to change other people.

this must be so hard for you. i reall sympathise. Pray about it and give it to God. You're gonna have to let go of it little by little and its not going to be easy. Part of letting go is talking about it - to parents, family, friends and even confronting the uncle and cousin. Also get some therapy or medical help of some sort. You cant let the evil people who did this to you continue ruining your life till now. They cant win. Good luck.

gbam. u hit the nail on the head

Why is it that some nigerian men think that they are so superior to women that they can be talking down to them and telling them what to do and how to be? Why don't you worry about bettering yourself first rather than looking for ways to try and control women. mtchew

are u a child that u must be told by your husband how to dress

since when did u care about a lowly females opinio cameroonpride?

khia girl, u are on fire. u must be one of the few nigerians on NL with a brain. I initially came on this site to learn about nigeriAn culture and discuss issues with nigerians. On doing so, i've found out how sexist, ignorant and mysoginistic many nigerians still are.

wat has this got to do with romance??

Tropilo: U sure are a very bad adviser and from your words probably a bad influence as well.
Did you read the post before yours? That individual from the post shows he/she respects the marriage institution.

@OP: We have not heard from Mr. Husband (we may never hear his side), but from experience i know that women can be too "telly" and therefore sometimes over react in issues like this.

From your post you tend to be too boastful. Are you sure that your job and earnings 3 times his is not making you over bloated and consequently somehow, just somehow affecting the way and manner you see Mr. Husband?

Please, try and talk with your man one-on-one to get to the bottom of the problem. One person has to play the mature one here and i'll like it to be you.

Please, do not mind the NL confirmed home-brakers o!

how can job earnings make u suspect ur husband of cheating which is the main subject of her question Although some parts of your advise such as speaking to her husband are good, other parts are very judgemental. Someone is asking for your advise and you are telling them how boastful they are and how women are too 'telly'. She has to be the mature one eh, shouldn't the husband be the mature one seeing as hes supposedly the 'head' of the household or is it just that men get privileges of being head but when it comes to responsibility and real hardwork, it falls to women but in the end men get all the credit and honour as 'head'. As for nairaland 'home-brakers', isn't her husband the 'homebraker' since hes the one cheating with everything under the sun??

dnawah: My sister ur solution is not here.it is in heaven,just bend ur kneels small and pray.God will surely bring ur man back.

What makes you think God will [b][/b]surely bring her man back. What if thats not Gods will? Wat if he had HIV? It may be Gods will to bring them back together but it also may not. She should definitely pray but still dont be naive. Her marriage is already destroyed and she should prepare herself for the worst.

adewal15: So the best on your mind for her is divorce?pls stop...

So best on your mind is for her to remain in a rleationship with a man who totally disrespects her and continue to have sex with him and contract possibly AIDS. Pls stop.

ideal94: Solution:
* Give ur Life to JESUS:
Be Born again,surrender all to him,he cares for u,he loves u, knows ur pain/hurt, 'Come to me all ye dt labour n heavy in heart n i will give u rest'. Welcome d Holy Spirit ur best Counsellor,Guide,Teacher,Standby,Best Friend into ur life, Develop a Personal r/p with ur Creator, make him nos 1 followed by ur Husband.
* Prayer of Forgiveness:
'The Lord's prayer say ' Forgive us our Sins,as we forgive those who trespass/sin against us......' , Pray dt God shld forgive u ur Sins- of Anger,Hurts in ur heart towards ur partner, Pray for a Clean Heart, By d Blood of Jesus n free urself from every thought dt keeps u in boundage by d Blood of Jesus.
*Pray God for a New Love towards ur partner, there is nothing we ask God from a Clean Heart dt he does not ANSWER us.
* Forgive ur Partner Consciously ,Sincerely,from within in Prayers to God by d Blood of Jesus,make it ur creed every time d thoughts rises from within.
* With d WISDOM of GOD : Express urself verbally to ur partner,empty ur mind to Him and BE CAREFUL DO NOT CONDEM,ABUSE,JUDGE ur partners for his acts ,Remember u have forgiven him. Tell him u have forgiven him.
*ALWAYS PRAY 4 Him- his will,mind,emotions,spiritual,social,physical life everything should conform to Gods Standard.
*ALWAYS LOVE ur partner:
Pregnancy/Baby/Job/Too much Activity, should Not hinder ur INTIMACY/SEX LIFE with ur partner.
Treat him like a Baby -He wants dt, cos other ladies will treat him like dt if u dont.
* Apreciate/Respect Him,DO NOT Over-Look His Act of Kindness, Tell him SWEET WORDS cos he want dt.
* LOVE YOURSELF:
Pamper urself wit good things, ALWAYS LOOK VERY VERY ATTRACTIVE TO HIM,
Good outfits, make up,romantic fragrances,make ur home/room attractive,healty foods. etc
* Read Good Books dt address ur situation, Go On-Line for informations .
* INITIATE FAMILY PRAYERS it helps, A FAMILY THATS PRAYS TOGETHER STAYS TOGETHER.

As much as i agree with the idea of givng your life to Christ and casting all your cares upon him and forgiveness, what i disagree with this post is that it kind of puts the responsibility on the wife and none on the husband which is very typical of nigerian culture. You are basically trying to say that if she does all those things, her husband will change. My dear, you cannot change anyone, only God can do that! There is no excuse for cheating. Im sure her husband has faults also, but she has not used those as an excuse to cheat. Why must she beg for his love by doing all those extra things (not that im against looking good for your husband etc), its just that its like your saying that by doing all these things, she will change him or that because she did not do it, its ok for husband to be cheating. On that not, in the text that she wrote, she did say that she continued to offer her husband sex despite not feeling like it so all those that are accusing her of withholding, need to go and read the text again!

Speak to your husband and tell him everything u just told us now. IF there is not a radical change (which i suspect there will not be), leave him and move on with your life. The Bible says 'Do not commit adultery.' It does not say 'Do not commit adultery unless ...your wife refuses you sex.' So to all those trying to blame her and saying that its her fault that her husband is cheating, shame on you. Typical naija attitude, a man can cheat and get away with it and the wife must be to blame, however, if a woman cheats, shes the child of the Devil.

thoughtful article that unlike those by some Christian or Nigerian men is not sexist but is fair and balanced

DJDOLA: May GOD help us..but somtime woman turn man 2 monster

As usual - typical naija mentality - everything is a womans fault

men - cheating, abusive, rapists, bad fathers, cowards, blaming women for everything just like Adam, stupid, lustful,

Men - a necessary evil

i dont understand why theres this whole debate about feminism and how feminists are loud, manly women who hate men. The definition of a feminist is simply a person who believes that men and women have equal rights. Someone who is against the oppression of women such as rape, domestic violence, someone who believes that women should receive equal pay for the same job, someone who believes women should hvae the right to vote or have an education etc. Any decent minded person, male or female should be a feminist!

Morayo747: I remember my Pastor saying in Church recently that all a man needs to do to ruin his own life is to marry the wrong woman. This is looking so true in this instance. And before anyone says this is a sexist statement please note my Pastor is a woman.

lol as if women cant be sexist too

some of you so called nigerian christians are so unchrist like. Would Jesus be treating or even speaking about gays the way you do? In Gods eyes, you're just as sinful as a gay person and you will all receive the same judgement. So humble yourselves and stop being hypocrites. Heterosexual sexual immorality such as cheating or sex outside marriage is equally sinful as homosexuality. If Jesus was friends with sinners such as prostitutes and tax collectors and even stood up for a prostitute that was going to be stoned, who are you to judge or turn your nose up at a gay person!!!! Some of you make me sick.(Gays don't make me sick - YOU make me SICK!!!!)Some of you people are VILE, DISGUSTING, WORTHLESS, EVIL.

i dont believe that homosexuality is right but i dont believe that you choose who you are attracted to. you can choose your actions such as if you want to practice homosexuality but you dont choose attraction. the bible speaks against homosexual acts but it also speaks against judging others which many of you religious, nigerian self righteous hypocrites like to forget. Just as you judge others, you will be judged. Your government sanctions consenting relationships between 2 adults with 14 years imprisonment but allows corrupt embezzling politicians who are crippling your country's economy to go free. While all this is happening, you have time to be judging people and things that dont concern you. i pity all of you

dasparrow: Why are you surprised? Next on the list: Pregnancy and then attempted abortion.

In the not so distant future she will begin jumping from church to church looking for the 'fruit of the womb'.

it takes 2 to tango but typical naija - blame the female. 'In the not so distant future she will begin jumping from church to church looking for the 'fruit of the womb'? Judge not lest ye be judged

I LOVE [/b]WHITE MEN[b] AND IM NOT ASHAMED OF IT

SlyIg: Oh no o ... Confessing to her may ruin her marriage. Simply keep away from that family from now hence forth. Dont ever disclose to her that her husband slept wit you or else d marriage is gone. Keep away from that family i repeat!

Lol - the marriage sounds like its already ruined anyway - both of them aren't happy and he cheated. The truth will always come out so its better to tell the truth upfront. I am less likely to forgive someone if i know they lied to me and i've found out the truth. The bedrock of marriage is trust and if thats broken, the marriage is doomed which is why you should do the dignified thing and tell the truth.If she doesn't tell ther friend - shes a very bad friend.

the truth has a funny way of coming out in the end. it doesn't matter if jealousy is involved or not - this is an important information that u need to tell your sister. Imagine if she finds out years later, she'd say, 'why didn't you tell me?'

as disgusting as this story is, bear in mind that sex abuse is very common - just that ppl don't talk about it. A woman or child is more likely to be raped by someone they know e.g. family members, husband, brother, father etc. We live in a sick world.

pDude: She talked about the following symptoms/signs

Suicide: Please give me a break. Contemplating suicide isn't an abnormal behavior. In some cultures, suicide is a way of life. In Japan, if certain assassins fail in their duties, the perform a Hara-Kiri (suicide) to save themselves, families and clan from the shame of failing in their sworn duties. When I was swindled of a large amount of money some years back, I contemplated suicide many times. This doesn't make me mentally ill.

Panic attacks: I used to have an inferior complex in my younger days because I was obese. I avoided people and kept to myself. Anytime I went outdoors I always started breathing fast, sweating and feeling nervous because I felt people wouldn't accept me. All these are symptoms of panic attacks. Did it mean I was mental? No. All I did was lose weight and all that nonsense stopped.

Depression: This is a part of everyday life. Everybody feels depressed at one time or the other. Is depression mental illness? No.



Avoiding people: Introverts naturally avoid people. Everyone at one time or the other, want to be alone. This is a normal human behavior.

Mood swings: Everyone has mood swings all the time.


My conclusion: The writer has not given us sufficient information to clinically diagnose her condition as "mental illness". All I would prescribe for her is a good vacation and becoming more social.

Wow what a dismissive and unempathic statement. I hope u never have the misfortune of experiencing mental illness. lol - suicide is not abnormal??! Maybe ur right (NOT!), maybe its normal for the japanese, but the writer is not japanese :@. Also dont compare ur experiences to other ppls. just because u only experienced panic attacks due to ur fatness, doesn't unvalidate her experience. This is the exact kind of lack of compassion she was writing about. Shame on the 9 ppl who liked ur comment.Also, take it from a medical student, depression is a mental illness - do ur research dear, ur ignorance is showing. lol - theres something called bipolarr disorder in which ppl have mood swings - trust me - its not like everybody else's mood swing. Its ok not to have knowledge about mental illness but ur lack of compassion disgusts me.

you need to deal with your anger. its only God that can help u with that. stabbing her or divorcing her won't get rid of ur anger. Anger will eat you up from the inside and fill u with bitterness, sapping away every ounce of joy left in you. It might be a good idea to have a temporary separation - maybe to cool off - or even a permanent separation if u think all trust is lost. But either way u can't hold on to anger!

why are there so many posts on nairaland bashing women? if ur not talking about how they're not virgins, its how they are golddiggers etc. whats with nigerian culture and bashing women. from what i've seen the men aren't all that great themselves.