₦airaland Forum

HumbledbYGrace: NO! Iam not the person in question but we are africans and we can't run away from that culture. Even Joseph paid the bride Price

Ok my friend has an uncle, her uncle is one good looking man...they are coloureds anyway, so back in the day, a lady who liked him; well they dated and the guy couldn't affort to marry her since he didn't have enough cash to pay the bride price. The lady gave him 70% of the money her family asked for so now the guy is cheating and all. He treats his wife like his maid because he says he didn't marry the girl, she paid her way into marriage.

Now if I help my oga, isn't he going to do that ish to me

Like I said IAM JUST CURIOUS O

Everybody isn't the same, the fact that the man is doing that doesn't mean that another man will insult a lady later because she helped him pay the bride price. Bride price isn't all that expensive for a man not to be able to handle, it's only the other things and having to prepare food and drinks and buy other stuffs that make everything add up and expensive and that "other things" part couples should be able to handle it together because it concerns the two of them. One person shouldn't be left to handle that if he cannot do all of that and the lady also earns.

2buff: LOL that doesn't mean you're going to escape answering the question.

I'm just trying to get the sisters to understand what exactly it is they keep fantasizing about.
Don't pull back now. We will soon arrive. Stay with me.

No I ain't pulling back just trying to engage others as the topics being raised are nice ones that should be discussed in full.

Don't make it sound like a sexist (masculine against feminine warring) or something. I like the vibes in the thread and won't like to see it go rancid with loud arguments and gender warring etc

Carmy, what do you think of these issues arising from some angles? Good topics I must say.

2buff: Who's perception?

A perception of the people.
Our forefathers had that belief that he works his hard in the farm and bring home the yams and provisions and that it is the duty of mama to birth babies and cook the food----that started changing with time and things. Men travel abroad, watch movies and other men around and learn that hey! household work isn't meant for only the wives. Even wives now get certificates and degrees and source for provisions like the man so provisions isn't only the duty of the man to supply in all entirety.

Things are changing as the perception of people change on that yet some people still hold that belief that a woman should be left to do household and baby carrying stuffs. I see some men in some places doing school runs, taking their children home from schools and even if he has no car simply carrying his baby on his arms with the child's bag in his hand and i simply love that. My male colleague told me that he does all the cooking in his household, that he wake up every morning to help prepare the children for school and sleeps off when they are gone again and his wife isn't even working and I just compliment him on what a wonderful father he is being.
My father doesn't believe that he has a place in the kitchen lol, our mum did all the cooking stuffs with the helps she got for herself until we grew to help her. I remember sometime ago once we were gisting with our father in the kitchen and out of the abundance of his heart at that moment he took the mortar to help us pound, old boy come and see how he ran away to the sitting room when a visitor knocked at the kitchen door He didn't want to be seen doing pounding thingz. Lol

2buff: Then I take it you're comfortable with the same Nigerian marriage culture that comes with all those "women cleaning and cooking around the house while husband watches TV" laws now aren't you?

---That is not a culture, is it? It is a perception.

2buff:

@2buff and nbright
We didn't create the Nigerian marriage culture and all that "man marries a woman" laws, did we?

You know what, somebody once talked down in this forum " the need for a man to pay money on a woman's head" as a sign of marrying her. I thought about that and agreed to some extent that there isn't really a need for that, you know. I mean we ladies are not being sold for goodness sake but that is the culture we met, "paying money on the head of a lady" is used to represent marriage. I don't think that should be. Most countries don't do that. Two persons that met and agreed to live together in love, should have their families meet together and together in love celebrate their union without doing stuffs that seems to suggest that a woman is being sold, come on we are not in the slavery era.

I agree that it's high time better things than "paying money" are used traditionally to represent marriage but as our culture still uses "paying money/dowry" to signify marriage and still have it that a man performs that symbol. A man gotta do what a man gotta do to marry his lady.

Maya2pretty: @ivy sweetheart lol, I feel u, it's just d way God wired me, I cant even stand guys my height, I can cope wit slightly taller but it's BLISS when I look up to u 2 talk 2 u, when my head is on ur chest, am not like d averagelly heighted woman and I want my man to make me feel little, I love bein pampered like a doll and I need to feel small to actually feel dat way 4 real

I understand how you feel about that dollz. Never mind, I'm sure that God will send a gigantic prince charming your way of course.
I will also be truthful and say this Sweetie---Life sometimes doesn't always give one all that "cindrella dream thingz". Always remember that, in as much as he has to appeal to you but he may not come packaged all around the way it is in your fantasy island. Lol

2buff: Do you wanna get married to him or not?
When he goes into debt to pay your (ibo?) family all that money, do you think the both of you won't be stuck with the debt?

Stop acting like a robot who has no desires of her own because later if you are treated exactly as such, you won't like it.

I really don't know why reality is something that escapes too many of our women.
Preferring instead to frolick around in fantasy and then start blaming the man later after failing to understand initially what he had been telling you all along when the reality of things finally dawn on you by force.

On that note, are you in that situation @humbledbygrace?
If you are, note that nobody is saying that you hold tight to your money during the marriage preparation. Help him all you can, make preparations with him. Bring your money together and join with his to get things done for the traditional wedding thingz. It's only the dowry payment money that I am of the opinion that he fulfil like a man that set out to marry a lady. If you don't think so, you can do stuffs the way you feel about it. Some ladies have done that, some won't. I will make all the preparation with him if I'm the one but dude should have his little change in hand to pay my dowry even if he has to work in a building site carrying sand for 3 months to earn that dowry money (I no dey pray for an Obuaja-o-o(sand sand carrier ---that made me laugh). He should be able to do it and come out feeling happy that "he just married his woman" by his own sweat.

Carmy I appreciate your holding down this thread and bringing people together, it takes courage to face reality like you are doing and stand unafraid to the fact that the single Nigerian ladies need to face their needs and not hide for fear of being taunted. You can't imagine the "taunts" I have gotten in this forum for daring to as much as mention one's need but I waved them aside and even got encouraged more by them and at some point thought to myself "what the heck if a poor single lady needs a companion or husband and is searching for one"? and have even thought of starting a Nigerian dating site for real people that know their needs and face it squarely whether some people mock and taunt or not.

HumbledbYGrace: Goodmorning dolls @ Ivy you so sound like me, when Iam in pain I even listen to voicenotes *hides* just the male voice makes me feel better. I pray you get better soonest...I had a thing for almost chubby guys....NOT FAT! But kinda chubby even now though I just don't go for them anymore.

Ok on a serious note

Is it okay for a lady to help her man pay for the bride price

Just curious, its becoming a norm

Thanks dearie,
The topic you raised has been discussed in this forum before, I will look for the link later and paste it here. Many people had different opinions about that.
I agree that a young man and his lady should put hands together in marriage and support and take care of their kids together. I also agree that a man can share all other aspect of the marriage expenses with the woman but should be the one to pay the dowry because that is what "marrying a lady" represents in our culture.
In the discussed thread i mentioned, the lady has the money and the man had the money too but used it to pay for another pressing need. Our culture has it that a man goes for a woman's hand in marriage and pays the dowry so my opinion on that thread was that the lady should have helped him pay for the other pressing need thus empowering him (letting him have enough money) to pay for the dowry thingz. I have seen ladies that gave their guys money to come and pay on their head for dowry and I am not down talking that because these ladies gets pressured and talked down too while single. It isn't everybody that can handle that pressure, babes do thingz because of that we all know that.

Maya2pretty: @carmy and Ivynwa God 4give me 4 what I want to say cos they didn't create themselves but my major turn off is a short guy talkin about love 2 me there's nothin more annoyin dan a man am taller dan professin love *shivers* I detest it, nobody should take it personal

Hahaha
It's your choice girl. Height doesn't faze me that much. Do you know that long ago when i was in the university I didn't even know when a man is taller than me or not until I had a school sweetheart then that was always appreciating my long legs. That was when I looked at his legs and noticed that he has short legs but he is not really shorter than me that much. We later parted ways but it wasn't for the legs . It was then my innocent eyes opened and I knew that it counts that some people are short and some tall etc but that does not faze me much. If I have an amazing guy and he is short (not too short though cause I have to wear my heels too and still be able to put my hands around him) I can work with that. To me he is still my giant if he can love me good.

2buff: Does your tummy require kisses?

Oh dear!
Butterfly kisses will make it all go away, don't make me long for that joor.

carmelion: You re welcome dear,turn offs has to do with our Psyche,as in our brain .So i can't tell you to manage him.
My major turn off is BAD DENTITION,as in i can't stand it.I wont't even give you a chance to come close.

Someone else might not mind,but that is life for you,one mans meat is another mans poison.i am sure we all have something about that turns somebody, somewhere off.its all about two people meeting and liking each other the way they are.

I believe the tummy ache has gone?Sorry

Your own "turn off" is funny, made me imagine a guy with bad dentition like an "Otawu" (biter or something) standing in front of you (hahaha) and you running and running away from him.

Yeah, the tummy ache?
Still hurts some. Mmmmmmmh I will be fine soon I know. Thanks

honeric01: you've not started demo trading? My candid advice is to learn with a live account but very small amount you can lose. You need to build up your emotion/psychology right from the start which demo lacks.

I first demo traded before going live but I moved around a bit(travelled) and wasn't trading while at it. Wants to start again but wants to demo trade first and make profit before going live again. I enjoyed live trading and was ecstatic when i made profit but you can't escape the other side of it too when it comes calling. Thanks for your advice all the same.

Did you say build up emotion/psychology?-----I have been thru the school of betting thingz hard knock (not forex though, won't mention which ) more than any person here but I have good control for such stuffs and know when to stop any of these if it isn't paying me so I am hardened at it. I know that forex pays when done well unlike some of them betting thingz.

How'z the pips rolling?
Which pairs are trending good right now?
I was waiting to make profit in my demo account before going live again and I am yet to do that. I haven't any "throw away" dollars right now, I can only handle profit right now and "no loss"---being very careful.

carmelion: Thanks chi chi(((big hug))),you re welcome.please feel free to share your story.I want to learn from peoples experiences you know..

@Carmelion
Girl, I already shared my story of how I met a huge fella recently but got put off by the pot belly
Some of our boys just walk into restaurants and eat and eat because they have money and go about with portruding belly. I can't handle a protruding belly. I can't put my hands around it much more romance it. Ouch!
Some eat too much and don't care how they look. WTFr*ak.

Maya2pretty: lol, I dont understand yoruba that much but I love d morale d song gives me, dis is my year and lots of zeroes would b added to my account *AMEN!!!*

I can't speak Yoruba too, somebody taught me the wordings.
Yeah, you' re right about the zeroes, in six and seven and eight digits.

Maya2pretty: lol, sorryyyyyyyy, hope ur happy now?

Thanks.

@ Maya
I'm just seeing your signature "We making money this year"

I like that song too. https://www.nairaland.com/1187072/anybody-understands-speaks-yoruba-write and I am playing it now in my thread.

Aa San waa sii ire
Aa San waa sii ayo
Aa San waa sii gbogbo nkan tii eyan fi layo

Maya2pretty: @ivy d doll thing is carmy's idea, dat we r precious and should b pampered as dolls and yes!!! I like d idea of he bein adventurous and teachin me 2 b superadventurous! but in a calm way though, I love dat calm packagin wit a no nonsense content [quote author=Maya2pretty]@ivy d doll thing is carmy's idea, dat we r precious and should b pampered as dolls and yes!!! I like d idea of he bein adventurous and teachin me 2 b superadventurous! but in a calm way though, I love dat calm packagin wit a no nonsense content

I like the "doll" thing too, hey! shout out to dollz Carmelion and dollz Chichi. Lol

Maya2pretty: yeah! my belly hurts too though, bin hurtin since I woke up, tell me my own sorry

Maya, you are real funny

Okay "Sorry Babes" but you didn't even tell me sorry. I only got two sorries from two fellas here.

2buff: That's not your belly in your dp is it?
No You stole the belly, so why do you think it won't revolt?

No that's a picture of a musician I like much. You are funny joor.

Maya2pretty: it's 'age' not 'edge' typin while half asleep syndrome lol

Never mind Babes, sometimes I blow the English like I feel it. Nothing dey happen, no be my mother tongue abeg

Thanks for your friendliness, we should reach out for one another and not wait to get "all-loving-and-rest-in-peacy" when people pass away from one problem or the other. I will be fine in no time though.

Maya2pretty: Carmy doll, mornin! am d extrovert by nature but an introvert by nuture lol, it's contrastin kinda, a Choleric-flegmatic, My husband is gonna b d cool calm type, not d talkin type but more of d listenin type, and I'l teach him how to b adventurous lol

What's this "doll" thing I keep hearing in this thread, it's kind of sophy/sophisticated I must say.
@Maya
How about if he is the adventurous one teaching you to be super-adventurous? You never know what package he will come wrapped in.
Be it done to you according to your wishes all the same.
As for me the more adventurous the better but even if he isn't, he better have plenty warmth and affection in his heart to wrap me up in and baby me with.

MsDarkSkin: Jah reppin Guadeloupe

that girl? SHE GOT IT!!!!

*thinking* i am loving the Jamo influence!!
not to be boasy but nobody can deny Jamaicans are some influential ppl mehn!

Nice dance songs Darkie.

Yeah I agree with you. You guys are real influential when it comes to dancing thingz lol.

Maya2pretty: lol, ur just like me, a friend of mine once said my dad spoilt me wit pettin that's y at my edge I still crave 4 things like attention lol When am in pains, I dont even need d drugs, all I need is sincere or insincere concern lol, just tell me sorry and I'l b ok

Thanks Babes.

temi4fash: @ivy sowi ooo... u will b fine. hop u av taken drugs.. enjoy ur dai...[size=8pt][/size]

Thanks, I appreciate your concern.

dagr8: @Ivy....Sorry

Oh gosh dagr8! Thanks
Don't mind me and my big baby stuff. I will be fine soon.
Hope you are good?

xyoung: Remember you just mentioned on this copy that your friend bf bought her a samsung galaxy tab. Really a great highlight of the valentine. This is in addition to my contribution upward.
@carmelion...I like the way you put things here.. You are a real woman
But I want you dolls to confirm this statement for me.
I Just need a confirmation that this is what Nigerian girls believe
Jus a confirmation of this
"There is no time for guys with prospect, we need guys with present"

We all don't think like that, I mean you pass through life and meet many experiences that has made you liberal minded enough to give others a chance even if he is not doled with riches. There are good women that have supported their men into the success they are today. I'm open to working with another on our way to a prosperous life. I was just telling myself to try and see whether there is something I can appreciate in a recent suitor-----I don't mind that he isn't "oh-so-rich", I just can't handle his pot belly ----Jeez! that put me off. He is tall, huge like some ladies will like it but why didn't he try to have a hold on that belly of his. I'm not perfect and haven't the best flat abs in the whole world right now cause i haven't been exercising but I can't let myself go like that. I would have been trying to see how compatible I can get with that person inspite of his "absence of blings and presents" if he appealed to me in the first place so some of us ladies do have time for "the working hard guys" that are not all riches right now and not only those with present.

Jeez! I got tears on my eyes and telling myself "my tummy hurts" like i'm a baby .
Should feel better in hours to come. Okay can call my sister now----

I'm gonna do this because it's something i want very much right now and i don't care what anybody thinks about it.

Can somebody call me on my phone-----ivorybt@yahoo.com----just to "tell me sorry" or a little kind word. My tummy hurts and i have nobody around to tell me that, it makes me feel better when somebody tells me that when I'm not feeling too good. I will remove my phone number after i get two or 3 calls, i should feel better then.(Sorry I had to leave out my phone number and leave an email address instead, don't wanna get a call from my NL stalker---seriously).
I do have people around me though nobody close enough, it's kinda late in the night where I am (I'm a night owl , can't sleep). Don't pity me please---It's all my fault for not having a close person----relationship broken up sometime ago because dude loves himself too much to love another----by my fault i mean I can't seem to find somebody i really really like). I will be honest to say that I couldn't connect with close to 3 dudes that have approached me because I tell myself "I don't like him or something". No don't think I am being too choosy cause I am not, I just can't go and be with somebody I don't like. I will end my post here for now.


Hey! Thumbs up to whoever started the thread, so many of us needing company out here but not wanting to take bold steps like this cause when you do you get taunted by your fellow Nigerians that you are looking for husband or being desperate when you are only being real. I'm almost watching my words in NL because as soon as you post anything that shows you are single they start singing that you are looking for husband. What the heck if one is looking for husband? What is wrong with looking for a companion and friend, why is it such a taboo with us. Abeg make I mind my hurting tummy right now until I feel better. Lol Smile!

Tashamania: Yes o! Like seriously. This tale is for real

My boyfriend and I broke up five days back (the guy just woke up and said he's totally fed up with the relationship ( I give am relationship chop before? ). Said he could no longer continue. After hours of begging and asking why, he still refused to come up with a sound reason. Infact, Nlers, I begged till my tongue nearly lost its attachment to the hyoid apparatus . Not funny oh, ehen!

It was just today when I saw this picture a friend post on BBM that it dawned on me that he broke up with me because of valentine's day. Muche che che! How could I have been so dumb not to notice (but five days ago? Haba! Valentine still far na ). Anyways, I called him again and started begging all over again, this time, with a very sweet mouth to know if the mofo would agree and accept me back then after val, I'lld kick his a.rse but e be like say bobos don wise he still refused.


Anyways, I'm all good and well now (I don't need sympathetizers abeg) valentine's day mustnt be spent with boyfriends, innit? but the time is near and still no signs of proposal (upon all my 'fineness' ) ... And now, I'm like 'Tasha, nothing for you'

Nothing spoil anyways, I thank God for NL, my followers and followees. Never a dull moment with you guys, huh? I seriously need you all to survive that day. So how E go be nau?

Jokes apart, am heartbroken!

A-w-w-w-w, hugs sweet. I like your sense of humour.

butterflyy: Ewo ewo mi o. This edemede is a case of where three re gathered in my name, irakamus is presidential hotel. I remaineth that biankaful butterfly aka okpeke wey make sense, via illiya Tawinji. I doff badabada for my chefo6 n lfs6, all am karid walk n never Jam katakrim, d gods awilo logomba i land wth no regret

I smiled at your fabulous Kegites slangings/slangs.
Walk and never stumble

freecocoa: Dayziz oblongata supremous erakamus.
This is the voice of biancaful okpeke cocoa l@ hot vibrating from ilya du Futo,any attempt on mua is an attempt on no 6 imeala street,may we walk and never kpobi ukwu.
May our children take our footsteps,ogologondu remain your keske,one finger for you,the gods are wise, i have reachlanded.

He-e-e-ee-e-e
Cocoanwa dey here?
Biancaful Okpeke? Lol
Remain Karied.

[quote author=tpia@]I think the pope should cancel his retirement because the speed at which things are unwinding, is frightening.[/quote]
Indeed, Stories that are almost turning/winding back the hands of the clock.

Real fodder for the press that will be smiling to the bank with screaming magazine/newspaper headlines.

Is 15 years not crazily too long for an able bodied man like him to be homeless unless he is disabled/mentally unbalanced and can't take care of himself but the word of his mouth depicts him as a sane person. If he had diligently sought a means of sustenance/job throughout the 15 years he would have definitely saved enough to rent or even build a house with. I'm sure that there is a kind hearted person or even organisation like church out there that can give him free accommodation than him living in that place. He is lucky that he is not living in an environment where some ignorant ones are fooled into believing that human body parts can be used to make money for them or such sickly and ignorant persons would have come for him long time ago.

I was also thinking 'what happens when it rains'? Won't rain water run into his poor home? Oh dear!

Sojebrand: 'It doesn't frighten me to sleep in a grave. The dead are dead. I'm more frightened of being hungry.

'And if I die in the night, at least I'm in the right place.' [s]this dude is funny [/s]

[quote author=I-Kenn]'Whenever I want to crawl out I first check if there's someone around, otherwise I could scare a person to death.'
^
rotfl, lwkmd, lmao... Dat man is funny oo[/quote]Yeah dude has a rich and healthy sense of humour meaning that he is sane and sound and his place is with the living. Seems he thinks otherwise. Huh!

jammyng: Hmm.......and some are complaining about 'face me, i face you' in lagos while this man faces ghosts.

Yeah, right! We should cherish what we have while dreaming big.

Her story made me smile.
It's lovely the way she got started. Glad that all is working out for good for her. I love brave women that do their thing without minding what others say.

Alleluiah!
That ministered to me dearie, thanks.

---But sometimes I wonder why we weren't created and granted all that we need to survive on earth without having to hustle like crazy. Hey! Don't go there yet, I know that you will be like if all was given to us there will be no invention/creativity/use of our brain etc I know that too. I just see some people with too many mouths to feed and not having enough to feed them and at such times i wish that all came into this world with all they need, that way we won't have to scout for everything, get busy and get too caught up with things. Yeah, heaven please have mercy and send down all we need, seriously. Hustling too much abeg! Wetin? . The thought of having kids to hustle more and more and feed even gives me second thoughts. If not that I love kids, I won't like to bring in another life into the world to come and hustle to survive. Life's hustle is too much.

All in all he promised to supply our needs according to his riches in glory. I am only wishing for a world without all these crazy hustlings really, how God still manages to sustain us in the midst of it all is still a mystery. May all Glory continue to be his whether he grants us a hustle-free world tomorrow or not. Smile!

petnkool: Ehn ehn , where is the next mumu ?

People must talk whichever way things go in life so get your rest Ojare.

petnkool: I want to take a nap . Don't disturb me

Nairalanders dey funny -o-o no be small.

lrguru: exactly my tots too bro, @ OP, where u there when all of this were happening? She could be lying/ exagerrating, just so u'd think she's da bomb. How can a lady reject a car and house because of u (poor man/ broke azz)? guy take time o!!!

Believe this sh!tt and u'd still believe that kim kardashian is still a virgin

Some women can be that loving and have that "its-only-him-i-love" kind of heart but the poster should have told her a long time ago that he is not prepared to marry her soon so that she can choose a suitable suitor for herself instead of closing his "oh-look-how-much-she-loves-me" mouth and coming to the forum to trip.

Poster Eaglem please call that lady and tell her the truth so that she can find her way unless she decides on her own to be with you even if you will never marry.