Welcome, Guest: Register On Nairaland / LOGIN! / Trending / Recent / New
Stats: 3,162,988 members, 7,852,335 topics. Date: Thursday, 06 June 2024 at 04:24 PM

Jazzgreen's Posts

Nairaland Forum / Jazzgreen's Profile / Jazzgreen's Posts

(1) (2) (3) (4) (5) (6) (7) (8) (9) (10) (11) (12) (of 14 pages)

Family / Re: Father Promises Daughter $200 To Quit Facebook For 5 Month. by Jazzgreen(m): 12:15am On Feb 09, 2013
.
Politics / Re: How APC Will Succeed - Governor Oshiomhole by Jazzgreen(m): 11:53pm On Feb 07, 2013
Few weeks to val: Gf: baby I heard
new bb is out.
Akpos: all bb's
always hang.
Gf: dis one doesn't
hang.
Akpos: so am a liar abi? Its
over between us...

2. At a Sunday school class, one Sunday morning, after aninteresting topic, the teacher asked, "Any question?"
Akpos, looking puzzled, raised his hand. Akpos : "U said the children of Israel escaped
from Egypt?"
Teacher: Yes
Akpos: "U said the children ofIsrael crossed
the red sea?"
Teacher: Yes
Akpos: "U said the children ofIsrael also
brought down the mighty walls of Jericho?
Teacher: "Yes Akpos!" "Whatexactly is your
question?"
Akpos : "When the children ofIsrael were doing
all this, where exactly were the adults of Israel??"#teacher kept quiet

abeg dnt ban me pls. My apology, i knw its off topic. Just that nobody clicks like when i post it in joke section. Pardon me. Pardones moi monsieur. Adim terribly sorry, Ina aghota?
Eehe, over to the topic-let me go and read it

29 Likes

Jokes Etc / Re: All Akpos Jokes. Updated Everyday. by Jazzgreen(m): 11:49pm On Feb 07, 2013
Few weeks to val: Gf: baby I heard
new bb is out.
Akpos: all bb's
always hang.
Gf: dis one doesn't
hang.
Akpos: so am a liar abi? Its
over btwn us..

5 Likes

Jokes Etc / Re: All Akpos Jokes. Updated Everyday. by Jazzgreen(m): 11:46pm On Feb 07, 2013
A drunk 18 year old boy asked a
married
woman out, the woman got
pissed &
told her husband..
The husband told her to invite the boy so
dat he can beat the hell out of
him.
The woman did what her
husband
requested as he was hidding under the bed...
When the boy got there, he
took off his t-
shirt and his body was full of
scars..this
made the woman to asked,"why have U so
many scars?"
The boy replied,"I my job is to
lay married
women & usually I get caught
so I kill the husbands, if someone shows up
now he
will be number 20 on my
murder list...The
boy continued, as
the woman tried to reach out her
husband under the bed, a small
voice
came up,"If U tell him am here,
U ll
see!!..

5 Likes 1 Share

Politics / Comparing Goodluck's Achievements With That Of His Predecessors by Jazzgreen(m): 11:33pm On Feb 07, 2013
Its been clear how almost everybody hates the goodluck jonathan's administration. We'v heard peopl call him all sort of names ranging from rétardeen to clueless and all other tinz. Without stretching much, i put it to you all, that you just hate this man for nothing more than ethnictism, religionism and other bias reasons. Please be sincere,i mean all haters of THE GOODLUCK regime, point out the clear achievements of of YARADUA who spent approximately the same time goodluck has spent in office so far and you all are blaming him for not magically and miraculousy transforming NIGERIA into the "UNITED STATES" . Point out the visible achievements of his predecessor YAR'ADUA, or even OBJ dat spent 8 good years in office then compare it to the few years goodluck hav spent in office. Below is some of the achievements of goodluck which i was impressed with.
https://www.nairaland.com/1183538/jonathan-working-haters-talking-new#14130640

bring yar'adua's achievements,lets compare.

Thanks!
Sports / Re: Onazi Ogenyi Playing Keyboard On Emmanuel Tv by Jazzgreen(m): 10:43pm On Feb 07, 2013
touchmeder:


Wow do you guys honestly believe this man is single handedly responsible for the success of the super eagles? Its amazing i thought people were more intelligent than this
mumu yawa,why do u take goat and car to ur pastor? Is it not to tank him for wat God used him to do for you? Why not tak a flight to heaven and giv it to God himself. Grow up,ur retarding your brain wit ur antagony and hate for dis man. Anyway sha,EMMANUEL-peopl of God shout GOD WIT US. Those that are wit us are gr8er dan those against us
Sports / Re: Onazi Ogenyi Playing Keyboard On Emmanuel Tv by Jazzgreen(m): 10:40pm On Feb 07, 2013
Evergreen4: So wetin u want make we abi u no hear say condom na 40 naira for my area now
regular customer, you no de even shame.tufiakwa udiri mmadu gi angry
Sports / Re: Onazi Ogenyi Playing Keyboard On Emmanuel Tv by Jazzgreen(m): 10:37pm On Feb 07, 2013
better is not good enough,the best is yet to come-nations cup is not good enough,world cup is yet to come. You belive click like

1 Like

Sports / Re: Nigeria Vs. Burkina Faso -- Your Predictions. by Jazzgreen(m): 10:23pm On Feb 07, 2013
nigeria3-0 abokinafaso. Bet it wit 100binu credits. Im ready.dnt take my prediction too simple. tb joshua declared winnin,adeboye,and my brothers teacher who also predicted dat ghana wud loose to bukina on penalties;and it happened exactly, he was d one who told me nigeria wud win wit 3-0. So im nt afraid. Bet it if you are nt afraid. #But did i jst say binu credits?#
Politics / Re: Fulani Funmakers Escape Lynching In Enugu After Their Monkey Swallows N200,000 by Jazzgreen(m): 9:33am On Feb 07, 2013
Was dat a Monkey or a transformed fulani man? shocked
Jokes Etc / Re: All Akpos Jokes. Updated Everyday. by Jazzgreen(m): 3:58am On Feb 05, 2013
AKPOS: I Have Facebook, Twitter, Google Plus, Yahoo, Tumblr, Msn, Skype and G-Talk.
FRIEND: Dude, do you have a life?
AKPOS: OMG! No! Send me the link

3 Likes

Jokes Etc / Re: All Akpos Jokes. Updated Everyday. by Jazzgreen(m): 3:57am On Feb 05, 2013
AKPOS: Swthrt lets play hide and seek....
EKAETTE: Noooooo, the last time we did, I didn't findyou till Feb 15th.

1 Like 1 Share

Literature / Tears Of The Gods-by Jazzgreen by Jazzgreen(m): 3:29am On Feb 05, 2013

We are the gods of your fathers,and fathers of your fore-fathers.We were a father to you and you,a children to us.We secured your lands,saved you from plight,and maintained peace and unity in your lands.Our demands were light,your goats and your fowls we delighted in.We demanded not a flying house(jet), neither a running hut(car).We blessed your bans,your harvest overflowed. Your cattle and your goats multiplied as the sands by the shore.
It seemed all was well so we took a break to see the glory at the west. Are the sons of ODUDUWA asleep?, There we saw some strangers in our land,who were they? The PORTUGUESE, they have come to trade with us peace. Behold a man filled with courage,the son of the soil with his veins filled with the fluid of bravery; JAJA from OPOBO,he rose in defense of the land but.......
.
.
.
There is silence,the strangers you trade with in peace are wolves in sheep clothing,JAJA is dead,JAJA has been killed.
Boom! Boom!! Boom!!!,we hav'nt heard such a sound from within our lands,yes! and its definitely not from our own sons. The bigger strangers are here, the brothers of the same people that exploit our lands from the west; the BRITISH, they sound the barrel,they enslave our sons. No way! The gods are not dead,AMADIOHA rose in anger, the great warrior, his sons were free at first.SANGO was soft on his side. The north were wit a man as strong as a god; the EMIRS,yes they gave in too quickly for a man is not half of a god.
Now our lands are in danger,we all smiled as AMADIOHA fought with bravery,protecting our land from the east... Have you heard the story of a son who betrayed his father? Yes!, the east took a ransom and betrayed AMADIOHA;warrant chiefs, that's their name.
But a new thing has come into the land,the strangers come with a strange god. The ARABIAN god now dwell in the NORTH and the HEBREW god in the EAST,the WEST shared among them. Were is the position of your gods who built this land and brought you into it?. We have been overthrown. All hell broke loose when our own children banished us from within their lands. They cherish the gods of their slave masters more than their own gods;their fathers who made them kings than slaves.We were banished and chased to the FOUTA DJALON where we wept daily for the folly of our children; our tears gathered as a river and assembled at the Niger.
We watched you from our land of exile,we saw only but smiles on your faces.Wat is the joy in slavery?-question of the gods.
It was 1st Oct,1960,you were free from your masters;in human thought. But what happened to their foreign gods?did the gods leave with them?no they still dwell amongst you ;now your days of torture begin,for its beta being slave to men than slave to gods.Independence you called it but in the language of the gods-a cage of terror. Was it that far?were the gods wrong?not at all,7yrs later,we heard cries,the sons of AMADIOHA were wasting in the north. Now a brother shall rise against his own blood for they forsook their true gods,they forget their origin,they're but strangers in their own land. Yes,they're no more brothers but enemies. The sons of the ARABIAN god,they have risen against their enemies,the sons of the HEBREW god.AMADIOHA being a warrior could not watch his sons die like fowls. He rose in anger and took unto flesh,IKEMBA ODIMEGWU OJUKWU,he was not less than the incarnate of AMADIOHA. He fought for the freedom of his sons from their former brothers but now enemies.the HEBREW god was silent as he pleaded not a prince of violence.AMADI suppressed the ARABIANS down east,across the south,to the west.Then,there is a great thud!... the pillar is fallen, the south which is also called east,the same people AMADIOHA fight for,they have betrayed him,they
have sold him to the ARABS. The god is defeated,NO! a god is never defeated,the people have defeated their own selves,they have chosen folly over wisdom."TO YOUR TENTS OH SONS OF THE LAND" but be it a notice to you all that "THE GODS ARE NOT TO BLAME" 'cos the prize of your folly shall surely come upon you,not so fast anyway-prophesy of the gods.

The battle has ended but has just begun, we sat and watched you kill yourselves on daily bases,a day for a head,a day for a blood. In the year 2000,it broke out at its peak again,its d ARABS attacking the HEBREWS.we pleaded AMADI to go back to battle but he refused,he made the right choice anyway;twice has he been fooled,twice betrayed by his own sons. Then the now sons of the Hebrew god rose in defense -it was brutal and bloody. We wept for the blood poured. Now it has ended,"warn your children against this violence",our words to the Arabian and Hebrew gods.They paid heed till the Arabs broke the truce,but the Hebrews fought not back,it continued all through the years and they fought not back.Till 2012,we could hold it no more,we let our tears out,it over flooded your houses,your homes were filled,the banks couldn't hold the tears.
Tears couldn't stop it so we took our stand,afterall you're not our sons any longer but the sons of the strange gods.
Now the same south that betrayed their own father now cry for help. ''Marry the terror you brought''.

"MAN SHALL PERISH TILL HE LEARNS THAT HE IS NOTHING WITHOUT HIS OWN GODS"

1 Like 1 Share

Literature / Re: Literature/Writing Section's "Chat Central!" by Jazzgreen(m): 1:36am On Feb 05, 2013
new here. Watchin to c how tinz are done
Politics / Re: Northern Senators Meet Over Igbo Domination In Army by Jazzgreen(m): 11:53pm On Feb 04, 2013
As if i knew. I jst told my mum last week dat i want to join military.jst dat i want to do medicin too dats my little problem.wait till i sort everythin out. Im joinin dat military straight,dat wud increase d population of IGBO soldiers.and u knw na, im nt goin to be a weak soldier. All those BÎGOTS sayin sh*¤ts dr in d north go hear am. Nonsencé. Suspicious Everytime,panickin over every little coincidenc. MUCH NOISE ABOUT NOTHIN.mtcheeeeewwww. Average northern mentality sha undecided
Art, Graphics & Video / Re: 10 Famous Ghost Pictures And Their Story by Jazzgreen(m): 4:34pm On Jan 31, 2013
black_beau: If I snap picture and I notice a ghost beside or behind me in the picture,I will simply develop two copies and ask the ghost to pay for his /her copy
time is money my sister.i guess u might be my fellow igbo , anyi ejighi ego egwu egwu abeg.let d ghost pay for his/her copy jare grin .abi i invit am to join my pix?
Art, Graphics & Video / Re: 10 Famous Ghost Pictures And Their Story by Jazzgreen(m): 4:24pm On Jan 31, 2013
sshhhh.... ghost rider in d buildin shocked
Celebrities / Re: Nicki Minaj Almost Arrested In Dubai For Hugging A Guy by Jazzgreen(m): 3:50pm On Jan 31, 2013
akuko uwa- network news undecided. Mtcheeeewwww. Niki dis niki dat. why she no go Hug transformer?. Na mopol u c to hug.

Religion / Re: Iran Sentences Pastor To Eight Years In Prison For Evangelism by Jazzgreen(m): 9:15am On Jan 30, 2013
11. “Blessed are you when people insult you, persecute you and falsely say all kinds of evil against you because of me. 12. Rejoice and be glad, because great isyour reward in heaven, for in the same way they persecuted the prophets who were before you.-mat5:11,12...
Pastor rejoice,they'v just given u a direct entery to heaven. I still pray for ur release cos the torture of those muslims are synonymous to the torture of the anti-christ..wait a minute,ISLAM is the ANTI-CHRIST anyway.
Crime / Re: Couple Killed By Bus While Being Intimate Along A Busy Highway by Jazzgreen(m): 11:26am On Jan 29, 2013
Where the dead body. And how did they knw they died in d act. Was anybody in d car wit them. Did they put a video camera on? Mtcheeeeewww. I tink u'll need beta tricks to fool me.cos im a typical nigerian teenager. U Cant fool me wit sweet stories. NEXT

Crime / Masquarade arrested for murder in Abeokuta by Jazzgreen(m): 2:42am On Jan 29, 2013
Hell was let loose Monday in Abeokuta, the Ogun State capital after a masquerade allegedly shot dead an Islamic cleric identified as Lateef Sabiu during Egungun festival.
This simultaneously led to a reprisal attack as youths allegedly razed down a building belonging to traditional worshippers in protest against the murder of one of their members.
Vanguard gathered that the 22-year Islamic Cleric was allegedly shot dead Sunday evening while he was on a motorcycle popularly called Okada during a ‘stop and search’ in Ijaye.
It was gathered that the masquerade popularly called “lehin Aponle” was allegedly armed with guns and other dangerous weapons.
Confirming the incident Police Public Relations Officer, PPRO, Muyiwa Adejobi, told newsmen in Abeokuta that the Command had arrested three persons along with the masquerade over the murder of the late Cleric.
Adejobi noted that the Command had suspended further activities of the year 2013 edition of masquerade festival in the state.
According to Adejobi, “those we arrested in connection with the murder are one Ajayi Olabintan (40), Shittu Adeyemi, Wahed Babalola and the masquerade.”
Also speaking over the matter, one of the community leaders, the Balogun of Ijaye and Aare of Egba land, Chief Ganiyu Babayeju-Alemo, said the crisis has forced the Egba Traditional Council to suspend other activities for the 2013 Egungun festival in Abeokuta.


http://www.vanguardngr.com/2013/01/pandemonium-in-abeokuta-as-masquerade-kills-one/
Religion / Re: AZONTO Is A Dancing Style From HELL by Jazzgreen(m): 5:24pm On Jan 28, 2013
Nasri100: Azonton dance is the movement...so when you step step move it to the right left right **singing** cheesy
dont let FUSE catch u in dis act of AZONTO BLASPHEMY... U jst murdered d music completely.
Politics / Re: Nigerian Policemen Dancing On Duty (pix) by Jazzgreen(m): 12:10pm On Jan 28, 2013
ALL THESE ACROBATIC DISPLaY JST FOR A PLATE OF RICE AND PURE WATER. Wat hunger can cause. IHE AGURU NA-EBUTE grin
Politics / South Africa: Court Stops Helicopter Delivery To Zimbabwe by Jazzgreen(m): 4:49am On Jan 28, 2013
27 January 2013 ,

The High Court in Pretoria has granted an order to freeze the delivery of South African helicopters to the Zimbabwean military, Afrikaner lobby group AfriForum said on Friday.
"An urgent interim court order was awarded to AfriForum late this afternoon by the North Gauteng High Court to prevent delivery of Alouette III Air Force helicopters by the SA National Defence Force to the Zimbabwean army.
"The interim order shall stand pending the finalisation of the main application by February 19 2013," said AfriForum's legal representative Willie Spies.
AfriForum made the urgent application to the court on Friday after the news about the donation to the Zimbabwean government broke.
Last week, AfriForum's legal team presented letters on the matter to the Minister of Defence, Nosiviwe Mapisa-Nqakula, as well as the Minister of Justice, Jeff Radebe, who is also chairman of the National Conventional Arms Control Committee.
The letters were written after rumours surfaced that the SANDF had decided to donate its entire fleet of used Alouette helicopters to Zimbabwe.
"The ministers were given seven days to react to the letters, but no reaction had been received by close of business yesterday."
Spies said while the two ministers declined to reactto the letters delivered to them, their spokesmen confirmed to Mail & Guardian that arrangements for the delivery of the helicopters had been finalised and that the delivery would take place shortly.
"We have also informed the acting French Ambassador to South Africa in writing of the potential risk for his country, in that France may be contravening the arms embargo against Zimbabwe, as imposed by the European Union, as the South African government will now be donating imported French helicopter parts to Zimbabwe," Spies said.
He said according to the National Conventional Arms Control Act of 2002, the National Conventional Arms Control Committee must consider certain principles before the sale or delivery of military equipment to another country can be authorised.
"These principles include,inter alia, the human rights record of the particular country."
The National Director of Public Prosecutions was recently ordered by the Pretoria High Court to investigate certain offences against humanity committed by Zimbabwean military officers, he said.
Spies said indications were that the Zimbabwean army was enhancing its visibility and mobility in anticipation of the national elections scheduled to take place later this year.


http://m.allafrica.com/stories/201301270091.html/?maneref=http%3A%2F%2Fallafrica.com%2F
Foreign Affairs / 16 Die During Clashes In Egypt Over Death Sentence by Jazzgreen(m): 4:38am On Jan 28, 2013
27 January 2013


Sixteen people on Saturday were killed and 176 others were injured in ongoing Port Said clashes following a court verdict that sentenced 21defendants to death.
The defendants were convicted for their involvement in killing 74 people during riots that broke out after a football match in Port Said last February.
Port Said's health affairs directory urges citizens to donate blood and medical supplies, the Middle East News Agency (MENA) reported head of the directory Helmi al-Efnias saying. The news agency reported that
Gunshots were heard near al-Arab and al-Sharq police stations.
Port Said General Hospital declared a state of emergency due to the growing numbers of people injured in clashes between protesters and security forces.
Thousands of angry protesters earlier attempted to break into Port SAID Prison to release the convicted defendants but security forces were able to thwart the attempt.witnesses said
"Security forces hurled teargas canisters at the masses in an attempt to disperse them".

Following the unrest, Second Field Army troops have been deployed in Port Said city to help restore security and stability in the Canal city, Commander Ahmed Wasfi said Saturday 26/01/2013-
"The troops will also act to secure public property and facilities."
"The move is undertaken on the backdrop of acts of riot that are now rife in the city after a court ruling that was issued earlier in the day sentencing to death 21 of Ultras Masrawi, who were involved in the Port Said Stadium massacre case.


"http://m.allafrica.com/stories/201301270021.html/

http://m.allafrica.com/stories/201301270022.html/?maneref=http%3A%2F%2Fallafrica.com%2F
Jokes Etc / Some Occupations God Is Watching.add Urs by Jazzgreen(m): 2:31pm On Jan 26, 2013
it amazes me wen some people pray each day and expect God to answer it.below are some of d people whom i dnt knw wat God has to say about thier prayers.pls add others and let the fun continue..

1. U'r a MORTUARY ATTENDANT,every mornin u pray "GOD LET THERE BE MORE CUSTOMERS", shey u de pray mak more peopl die abi? GOD IS WATCHIN YOU.
2. U'r an OGA POLICE, every mornin u pray, "GOD LET THERE BE MORE CUSTOMERS" .shey u want more people to commit crime abi.no wonder 9ja is nt gettin beta.GOD IS WATCHIN YOU.
3. U'r a MOTOR MECHANIC,every mornin u pray,"GOD LET THERE BE MORE CUSTOMERS". shey mak people's car spoil every minute abi.GOD IS WATCHIN YOU.
4. U'r a DOCTOR,every mornin u pray,"GOD LET THERE BE MORE PATIENTS".shey mak more peopl fall sick abi?.GOD IS WATCHIN YOU.
5. U'r a male GYNOCOLOGIST,every mornin u pray,"GOD LET THERE BE MORE CUSTOMERS".shey mak u de c other women's püssy abi?.GOD IS WATCHIN YOU.
6. Oga driver,every mornin u keep prayin; "GOD LET THERE BE MORE CUSTOMERS".shey u no want other peopl to get dr own car,even those dat hav,u want dem to loose dr car so they can enter ur bus/taxi abi?.GOD IS WATCHIN YOU.
7. Oga ENGINEER, dis ur prayer sayin,"GOD LET THERE BE MORE WORK".i dnt knw if ur plannin for niger bridge or mainland bridge to collapse so u can be called for reconstruction. anyway,GOD IS WATCHIN U TOO.
8. U'r a lawyer, every morning u pray, "GOD LET THERE BE MORE CLIENTS".shey mak trouble makers multiply abi?.GOD IS WATCHIN YOU.

Add more,dnt spoil the fun abeg....

1 Like

Family / Re: Names That Make One Looks Older Than His Age by Jazzgreen(m): 11:22am On Jan 26, 2013
abubakar,dorcas,akpos,apam,aliyu,oluseun,osewa
Politics / Re: What Is The Power Situation In Your Area? by Jazzgreen(m): 11:05am On Jan 26, 2013
franchizy: In Aba Abia state, we ve 24hrs Electricity. Our God sent Gov T. A. Orji promised us light and he delivered. It is 4 dis reasons dat we Abians wil ever remain indebted to Gov. Orji who inspite of d huge debt he incured from d past administration, was still able to deliver in terms of Electricity and infrastructure. He is the only Gov who has painstakingly rehabilitated all major roads in Aba dat has brought joy in the heart of the people of Aba. On behalf of Abians and the our good party PDP, I say thank you sir.
are u sure ur livin in abia or AIBA?. Precisely ABA,cos drs no light even as im talkin to you right now

9 Likes

Phones / Re: The Five Most Important Apps On Your Phone by Jazzgreen(m): 10:46am On Jan 26, 2013
BIBLE,dictionary,UC browser,2go,binu,advanced english test
Jokes Etc / Re: All Akpos Jokes. Updated Everyday. by Jazzgreen(m): 8:57am On Jan 26, 2013
Husband buys 5 of the same color of pants for hiswife. WIFE: Ah! Same color?People will think i don't change my panties. HUSBAND: Which people?

6 Likes

Sports / Re: We Were Robbed - Enyeama Fumes by Jazzgreen(m): 1:17am On Jan 26, 2013
MUSA: Good morning my cheque book had been stolen.
ACCOUNT OFFICER: Then we need to block the cheque so that your signature won't be forged and your account swept.
MUSA: Don't worry I already signed all the leaflet, no space for them to sign again.

(1) (2) (3) (4) (5) (6) (7) (8) (9) (10) (11) (12) (of 14 pages)

(Go Up)

Sections: politics (1) business autos (1) jobs (1) career education (1) romance computers phones travel sports fashion health
religion celebs tv-movies music-radio literature webmasters programming techmarket

Links: (1) (2) (3) (4) (5) (6) (7) (8) (9) (10)

Nairaland - Copyright © 2005 - 2024 Oluwaseun Osewa. All rights reserved. See How To Advertise. 74
Disclaimer: Every Nairaland member is solely responsible for anything that he/she posts or uploads on Nairaland.