A mum was lucky enough tosee her three daughters wed in the same year, so she whispered to each of them "After your weddings,text me your first night experience and don't forget to text it in a coded way!"
After a week, the first daughter sent 'NESCAFE' inan sms 2 her mum while a week later, the second sent 'BENSON'. Their mum, as a 'soji woman' picked upa tin of Nescafe and read from d label "fantastic till dlast drop!" She also went to her husband's pack of Benson cigarettes and found written on it "Extra long, king size!" she thought aloud "not too badfor them at their age"
A few days later, her third daughter's text comes in,"Arik: Lagos - Kano!". So Mama calls Arik Air information desk to inquireabout their Kano to Lagos flight. She was told, "Its 3 times daily, 7 days a week and the flight duration is 75 minutes to and fro!"
Mama throws herself in theair, lands, slumps and faints shouting..."Yeeeeee! Eleyi ma pa mi lomo O! ( this one will kill my daughter!)"

A Preacher said: "If I had all the beer in the world, I'd take it and throw it into the river". And the congregation cried,"Amen!" "And if I had all thewine in the world, I'd take it and throw it in the river". And the congregation cried,"Amen!" "And if I had all thewhiskey and rum in the world, I'd take it all and throw it in the river". Againthe congregation cried,"Amen!"
The preacher sat down. The deacon then stood up& said: "For our closing hymn, let's turn to page 126 of our hymn books and sing, 'We shall drink from that river".
THE CONGREGATION SCREAMED HALLELUJAH!!

A Professor at the University was giving a lecture on the Supernatural. To get a feelfor his audience, he asked, "How many people here believe in ghosts?" About 90 students raise their hands.
"Well, that's a good start. Out of those of you who believe in ghosts, do you think you've seen a ghost?" About 40 studentsraise their hands. "That's really good. I'm really glad you take this Seriously. Has anyone here ever talked to a ghost?" About 15 Students raise their hands. "Has anyone here ever touched a ghost?" 3 Students raise their Hands? "That's Fantastic! Now let me ask ask you one question further, has any of you ever made loveto a ghost?"
Way in the back, a studentraised his hand, The Professor takes off his glasses, and says, "Guy, all the Years I've been giving this lecture, no one has ever claimed to have made love to a ghost. You've got to come up here and tell us about your Experience." The Big redneck student replied with a nod and a grin, and began to make his way up to the Podium.
When he reached the frontof the room, the Professorasks, "So, tell us what it's like to have sex with a ghost?"
"Shit! From way back there, I thought you said, 'Goats!'"

Dis is wat i call robbing

.

VERY VERY VERY CORRECT. Dat wasnt a penalty at allllllllll

NEPA DON VEX TAKE OUR LIGHT ooo. Mikel why

Mikel miss PENALTY....

PENALTY....

Up Enyeama

A brilliant dribble from MOSES

Kalaba on it oo

Zambia wit a good try oo

MUSA wit a good shot. But a pass would hav been beta

Echie be mad man oo

See guiding oo

Foul

Interestin. Hope dis free kick doesnt go in

This woman's husband hadbeen slipping in and out of a coma for several months, yet she had stayed by his bedside every single day. One day,when he came to, he motioned for her to come nearer.
As she sat by him, he whispered, eyes full of tears, "You know what? you have been with me through all the bad times. When I got fired, you werethere to support me, when my business failed, you were there, when I got shot, you were by my side,when we lost the house, you stayed right here, when my health started failing, you were still by myside. You know what?"
"What dear," she gently asked, smiling as her heart began to fill with warmth.
"I think you're bad luck." he said.

Akpos opened his eyes after a surgical operation and breathed "Thank God it's over". A man on the other side of his bed said,"don't be so sure, they leftan injection in my belly andhad to open it again".
Another patient added,"same with me but mine was a pack of cotton wool".Almost immediately, the doctor who did the operation stormed in and asked, "Has anyone seen my watch?", Akpos fainted.

Once a boy uploaded his photo holding a dog on facebook. Girl comments: Which one is you? Boy replies: The one holding you!

A guy sits in a taxi and sees his wife entering a hotel with another man,
and tells the driver "do you want to earn $500 right away?". The driver excitedly said "what do I have to do?", "Bring my wife by the hair out of thathotel, here's a picture of her".
After a while the driver is seen dragging a woman bythe hair, while
kicking and beating her and puts her in the Taxi. And the husband says to him, "this is not my wife"
The driver replied"Nooooo, this is mine, hold her for me. I'm going for yours!"

A little old lady answered aknock on the door one day, only to be confronted by a well-dressed young man carrying a vacuum cleaner. "Good morning," said the young man. "If I could take a couple of minutes of your time, I would like to demonstrate the very latest in high-powered vacuum cleaners."
"Go away!" said the old lady. "I haven't got any money!" and she proceeded to close the door. Quick as a flash, the young man wedged his footin the door and pushed it wide open. "Don't be too hasty!" he said. "Not until you have at least seen mydemonstration." And with that, he emptied a bucket of horse manure onto her hallway carpet. "If this vacuum cleaner does not remove all traces of this horse manure from your carpet, Madam, I will personally eat the remainder."
"Well," she said, "I hope you've got a good appetitebecause the electricity wascut off this morning."

Akpos goes to a store for groceries. He finds cat food at a very special low price. He buys a dozen cans of cat food. The manager sees this and thinks that Akpos probablydoesn't own a cat and he might give the cat food to his children. He goes to Akpos and ask him to bringthe cat as proof for him to buy the cat food. Akpos goes and bring his cat andthe manager lets him buy the dozen cans.
A few days later Akpos finds dog food at a low lower price. He buys a dozen cans of dog food. Again the manager wants proof that he owns the dog. Akpos goes to get hisdog and the manager lets him buy.
A few days later Akpos goes to the store carrying a bag. He ask the managerto put his hand in the bag and feel what is inside. After feeling what's in the bag the manager says,"What the f**k? What is this? Is this shit?" Akpos nodded and replied, "Yes Iwanted to buy toilet paper and I don't want you to send me back for proof again."

I comment my reserve

Willgates: Victor Moses posted on his fb page dat he was visitng high schools in SA n askng d kids wat it takes 2b successful. I was lyk wtf,tght dis folks wer supposed 2b training hard 4 2day's match!

dats after playin TABLE TENNIS,then he wants to knw wat it takes to become successful lik DJOKOVIC or NADAL. The guy is jst tellin u guys dat Football is nt wat he came to do in SA.in fact, its football is nt wat nigeria came for in s.A
in conclusion, i cry in latin