Tony142:
Trash trash trash

Out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks.

For some time now, there have been a growing worry from people who are doing well in their various endeavours about the over dependence of their family members and the flagrant entitlement of such relatives.

The list of similar topics on Nairaland keeps growing by the day.

Check the topics below to acquaint yourself with the topic in question:

https://www.nairaland.com/6469868/angela-nwosu-why-family-members/2#100084371

https://www.nairaland.com/6490263/how-stop-relatives-disturbing-me

With the way families in Africa are raised, people are taught the act of total dedication to their families, irrespective of the situation on ground. In Africa, family is everything and one's loyalty to family should be unquestionable, or should I say MUST be unquestionable, regardless of the situations at hand.

It is everybody's hope to be messiah of their family and blessed is he who assumes that position. It does mean that your prayers have been answered, and hey, those of your family members too. It is really a thing of joy, knowing that you have been elevated to a vantage position, where you could do a lot of good.

From my experience, more than 70% of people who assume that position of saviour of the family have lived upto these expectations.

...but, there is a cork in the wheel of the supposed messiah.

Owing to the training that one must never forsake the cries for help from his family, this has become a huge burden. At first, you do it with pride and the feeling is priceless, knowing that you are the "sole benefactor" of your family.
Soon after, the joy begins to fade and the excitement begins to give way for frustration as the list of family members' demands become longer and longer.

If you happen to have both parents alive and siblings, then your list would be really long. If you were one who had a number of friends before you made it, then your list would even be longer. It is even more frustrating with friends than families. You give alms to one friend and he goes out boosting to your other mutual friends how you are only good to he in particular, thus, pushing more friends into your plate.

From my personal experience, when a family member becomes "rich" the rest sometimes become lazy. They would not want to work, rather, expect cash gifts to be handed down on regular basis. They want to drive in flashy rides and use the latest iPhones, expensive gadgets without working.
Each time I go home, I end up buying a small phone to insert my SIM because my siblings, cousins or friends would take my phone, no matter what I say and trust me, I go prepared, with not less than five phones, thinking, "anyhow the matter be, I go give out four and bring back my own phone. This time, I go tight my mind" but it has never worked. You statements like, "bros, when you go, you go buy another one. Phones cheap for that side". Same goes to those fine sneakers, T-shirts, jeans, you understand the point now, right?

Let me share my personal story.
My mom has seven children. That means I have six siblings. Hold your breathe! The seven of us have four different fathers, you heard me right! My mother has married four men and has seven children. None of them is working and I am the first child and, well, I am doing well, relatively. I am out of Nigeria, so it is assumed I am "rich", funny right?

Now, let's cross over to my dad's angle. Obviously, both he and mom are in a stiff competition. My dad has four children in total, I inclusive. The shocker? None of our mothers bore more than one child for my dad. All four of us have four different mothers.

Now picture my family; I stand at the top of the list of children from both sides and only I has "crossed" the threshold of poverty. But I still feel very poor. I have to constantly service the ever growing list of my family 's needs. I couldn't do for one without doing for the others, else, there would be division. I am constantly bombarded with an array of requests, some funny requests. Take for instance, my younger sister who was 21 at the time requested for money to terminate pregnancy, saying "remember you asked me not to embarrass you and the family, so I don't want to have a child when I am not yet married ". I won't go into details of how that story ended. That is just a tip of the absurd requests.

In Africa, we are raised to put our extended family needs above our nuclear family. No one cares if your children's school fees have not been paid, if there is a funeral and you have been levied 500k. No one cares if your rent is due if there is a land dispute at home and you must send money to bribe the chiefs or go to court. Family members have this authority over your belongings and in some families, siblings can authoritatively send a wife out of her late husband's home and so many other atrocities in the name of my brother. Sisters in-laws disrespect their brother's wife and brother-inlaws are gods.

This has been on for too long and any attempt to even discuss it, would be met with insults from people who do not know the weight this carries and who obviouslyhave no clue the extentof the negative impact this has on you. But the help never ends.
Sometimes it is as though you are trying to fill a basket with water.

This mentality needs to change. People need to start speaking up against this obvious evil against "rich" family members.
People have personal needs and should not be forced to carry the weight of others who have vowed never to be useful, even just to themselves only.

P.S: This is my personal opinion.

She did well.
If a woman wants to do anything, she does it with all her heart, either good or bad.

I guess one cannot fully understand women.

Women are often very focused and have clear sights in all they do.
If them wan good, them go good, if them wan wicked, by brother!

EJanni:
That doesn't translate to being a good wife. African men loves when their women slave away for them all in the name of submission. Mtheeew!

You seem to have a personal issue with a wife's "submission" to her husband in the African culture. I've read a few of your comments here, all against a harmless tradition that is inspired by the holy books.

Though, submission doesn't translate to love, it portrays the wife as one who is willing to embrace her culture and traditions to breed a peaceful home in particular and society at large.
The funny thing I observed about people who publicly castigated our traditions is that, you do mostly all these in your closets, you just wish to either trend, fool unsuspecting ladies or simply have nothing else to say.

Osas4lav:
Pretty easy though, I'd say read about it on google and have it installed on your phone to practice. Just know the movement of each piece and you'll be good. I ain't a lady sa....

Thanks.
I have started learning the names of the pieces already.

merits:

Chess is simple broh, how I wish I can teach you?
Chess and crabble is my best game for now.both games increase your reasoning and thinking in short time.

I would be so glad.
I just need to get it off my "To learn" list.

JoffreyBeroth:


Where do you live?

Not in Nigeria at the moment, unless you meant my precise location!

Seniorwriter:


Chess is easy to learn but hard to master and be a GM.
However ill suggest you start by getting familiar with the names and moves of the pieces from the King to the Pawns
A very lovely and technically interesting InDoor Game you don't wanna miss out of in this lifetime.
Proactivity Leads To Productivity!!!
@Seniorwriter
A.K.A Chess Minister

Thank you @Chess Minister. I will begin today, to learn the names of the pieces.

mayormick:
Hmm....I hope a lady around you is reading this. Hope you go sabi and fit concentrate

The pride in a lady and the feeling that she knows more than a man is priceless, best scenery to learn. She would want to be thorough!
But one cannot rule out the distractions though.

mayormick:
Lolz.....most people don't know how to play though, but seriously you have to be determined to learn it bro. It kind of looks boring from beginning

If I can get someone to lay it all out for me, preferably, a lady!

Chess Game!
I feel ashamed to even mention it. I can play virtually all indoor games except Chess.
It is in my plans to lean this year.

SweetCunt97:
It's never too late, we can start now and in 9months time we go see result

You're so impossible!

We're more than a thousand km apart. Unless you'd like me to send my Liquid in a cup to you for artificial fertilization, because I no ready go Nigeria now. Buhari carry us over 2.5, so far, the scores be 1:0 so time still far!
Nod if you understand sport bet.

SweetCunt97:
Her village people strong. How can she even hold her mom's word to heart that allowed such nonsense happen to her as a kid?

I still dont understand how a father can molest their own kids oo. Anyways i get you. You did well.

So do you have kids now?

No kids of my own, yet, but I have two boys I take care of here: 13 and 15 years old. They think that I help them, but in truth, they help feel like family.
Very stubborn boys but I love them.

SweetCunt97:
If the love was there, u could have simply stayed and marry her. Another baby would definitely happen. Had to find beauty and good heart these days.

You get mind I swear.

Most of my friends still feel that I was too nice to her, after finding out the truth, that I shouldn't have given her a dime. And you dey talk say I for stay marry her. You get mind babe.

On a more serious note, it was obvious she valued her mom's opinion more than my efforts, that alone was enough turn off for me. It meant I would've married both she and her mother.
I would never be liberated from such bondage. She saw my commitment and effort to make her feel alright, yet, succumb to her mom's "advice". She was 24 at the time, is that a kid? She had been on her own from age 19. Ran away from home because, hmmm, I been no wan talk am, but she alleged that her dad was sexually abusive to her. That's why I said, my commitment to her was borne out of pity not love. But with the expectations of the child, I was secretly in love. It could be love for the child or both, but I was at peace and expectant.

Kennyfancy:
you are a strong man

Thanks man!

SweetCunt97:
In your case, she was simply misguided by her mom. Some dont understand that not all parents are wise. The mom should have called you asking about when you intend marrying d lady. Simple.

Many mothers hinder their daughters sha

The mom thought she was looking out for her daughter.
I guess she just didn't want her to embarrass the family like her older siblings. To be fair, they had high hopes in her, as only her seemed like one who would "do well" among somewhat wayward siblings.

The family is very bleeped up! What her dad did is a story for another day and a full topic on it's own.

But the babe fine and get good heart, that was my undoing!

waleadeagb:
Hey my guy, I really sympathize with you. I can imagine my guy already feeling absolutely responsible as a new forthcoming Dad. I guess you must have told friends and family that you are an expectant Dad...Lol.....then the callous babe did the unthinkable......such is life my friend.....some men do have such....take care...

Yes, I told a few closed friends. I had to tell them that she miscarried the pregnancy. Till this day, that's what they believe.

PhilipReigns:

Ladies are selfish by nature. No insult meant for ladies here please. But it's a fact that has proved to be a reality over time.
I had a similar experience January this year, babe took in for me in December during d Xmas time, told me in january she missed her period and by February she aborted my baby without informing me, later claimed her period returned miraculously. I was cock-sure she was pregnant cos we had sex during her ovulation for more than 5 days she was with me all through. The signs where there, she was so bitter about d whole missed period thing that no day passes we don't quarrel and fight on the telephone. After aborting the baby without informing me, madam denied ever getting pregnant. All d while I had made her to understand I was broke bcoz of my experience with entitled ladies, not knowing that wasn't d case. She ignored me after d abortion for so long, thru a distant friend, she later found out I was from an 'Okay' family if u understand what I mean and started to attempt reviving the relationship whereas I av already moved on. I have had this same experience twice now in 3 years. Different ladies from different tribes. Hmmmm SMH.
For the record, the earlier guys realize that women never truly love a man the better for them. They look out for guys with potentials, and register their presence in ur life by pretending to love you. Whereas it's all about what they stand to gain, financially and otherwise. Women are very smart beings, subtle in their ways, patient and calm so u don't really get to understand their intent except u re very smart urself.

Well, most times a guy is carried away by sympathy. In my case, I wasn't blinded by love, but my desire to be a "good person and be responsible" made me fall for the tricks.

Angy55:


Some babes sha.

I tell you!

Angy55:


Yepa! You even accepted to take care of her and the baby and she still flushed it.

How are you even sure you were the owner of the pregnancy?

She just messed my head up, forced me to accept responsibility then pulled that stunt.

I guess we will never know that now. Though, we were always together and she was a responsible lady, or so I thought. But we will never know that.

Thinking about it hurts a bit, but if not for that incident, maybe, I would still be wasting money in Nigeria in the name of "flexing".

Drone95:
sorry brah

Thanks.
I've gotten over it.

GboyegaD:
Dem done use an make better money. Hope dem go return am with money ooo.

That's a very thoughtful question.
Will they return the revenue generated from that artifact over the years?

Again, can our people put it to economic use or send it to the "dusty cabinet" where other artworks have been languishing for ages?

Babe aborted our pregnancy after forcing me to accept it.

I was living well, I and my cousin rented and apartment in Abuja and were enjoying life of a single guy.
This particular lady was just an accidental encounter. She came to visit her friend who was my neighbour then. Well, one thing led to another, we became an item. She took in and I begged for days for her to abort, she refused. Told her friends who came and pleaded that we keep.

I couldn't keep her in the same house with my cousin, had to get a new apartment to give her privacy and my cousin space. We moved in and I was beginning to have the feelings of a "daddy". She traveled to Kaduna to visit her mom and from what I learnt, her mom convinced her to abort, that I had not done anything "for her head".

Babe aborted there in Kaduna, returned to me without saying a word. Started falling sick and I was spending money. Doctor finally told me we lost the pregnancy, she had ask the doctor to not reveal that it was an abortion.

I took her home, showed her love and took leave from work to take of my "sick" woman. I guess she was wrapped up with guilt and in her attempt for closure, she confessed to have done abortion.

I just acted cool. Told her I had to return to work, then I suggested she goes to her mom and spent some time to recover. Still gave her cash to take her. The moment she left, I sent her a text never to return. I told I would kill her if I ever see her. Changed my locks and all that. I was demoralised. I guess that formed part of my plans to leave Naija. I didn't see her till I travelled out. This was in 2017.

Vaughanlanrewaj:


Majority of what o? I have 'met' a few here and shudder at their incoherent yet intemperate opinion on everything. Except most of the ones here on Nairaland don't represent the Nigerian youth . Most of the ones online whose stock in trade online is hauling insults and having no time to read serious intellectually stimulating contents obviously are not ready yet until they fix the upbringing that made them victims and many completely impatient even with themselves.
There are definitely great Nigerian youths probably most of those rare breeds of youth are offline.visit www.freestuffsng.com for free stuffs

Whose fault is it when a child has a poor moral upbringing, the child or the parent?

The argument is between the Youths and the "Old", irrespective of the position of the old to the youth. It doesn't matter if it is between a father and his own son. When a child is not carried along and given the opportunity to act according to the constitution of adults, the child forms his own constitution.

Are you saying that if Airforce1 our Nairaland.com indigenous artist had the resources Davido has he wouldn't promote his songs widely and be famous?

The "Old" came before the youths, thus, it behoves on them to lay the foundation for the youth and not the other way round.

Countries like New Zealand, Finland, France and so on have given mantle of leaderships to youths within the ages of 30, because they believe in them. Here, your minister of youths is 54 years old, 24 years older than benchmark for a youth, yet you defend these people.

Tolexander:
Dawson means the son of Daw.

Davidson means the son of David

Always be sure before you post.

D6thSense:
If this advice was coming from someone who made it from clean ventures or by God's mercy, I will gladly take it but not one who made a path with the DEVIL to get wealth.

Talk is cheap and motivations are often from a speaker or writer's perspective of life but the word of God remains the standard for life and living.

'Give, and it shall be given to you; good measure, pressed, and shaken, and running over, they shall give into your bosom; for with that measure with which ye measure, it shall be measured to you again.'. Luke 6:38

I had to deactivate my WhatsApp and up until this moment, I am not on WhatsApp due to pressure from family and friends who think that once you leave Nigeria, you begin to swim in ocean of money. I strive so hard in another man's land, send them money. Instead of using the money for something productive, they useless it, as if that is not enough, they would go and tell more family members and more friends as the case may be. On daily basis, I receive nothing less than five account numbers and request for money.

A friend was asking for 350k to pay for rent in Gwarimpa when he is not working. Another friend wants to marry and is demanding for 500k, after giving him 150k for rent. My siblings all stopped working because "brother dey abroad".

If you keep sending them money, you are enabling their laziness.

They have my phone number, but since I deactivated my WhatsApp, NO ONE has called, of course it would be too expensive for them.

Bros, pray make you jam some kind family members and friends wey them the address for this topic. Nothing seems to be enough, nothing! Give them 500k today, tomorrow they will come back with 1million naira request, just turn them down and they will write a very lengthy goodbye message and end it with, "I will never ask you for money again".

A friend of mine whom I know that his dad does not joke with education, asked me for rent for his apartment in school, I thought, well, things may be difficult for his dad, I sent him the money. The following week, he was back, asking for school fees this time. What would you do? Still "give" according to you?

I have to stay away from them for now and focus on my parents and my immediate family before I lost my sanity. It is so frustrating.

I sent my cousin money to rent shop for himself, he used it and gamble. Now, I vowed never to send him money again. So if he remains poor, I am to blame right?

I just don't want to go on. Because the list long die.

Deka10:

Did you say 7 days of ovulation
Ovulation is a 24hr event

If we follow your logic, then menstruation is supposed to be every 24 hours.

After the discharge, there is window or safe period that is between 7 to 10 days or more. Then Ovulation. Then if the egg is not fertilised for about fourteen days or more, it breaks down again.

dominique:
Highly unlikely. After fertilization it takes about 6 days for a fused zygote to get implanted into the uterus. She claimed she got pregnant within a week of sleeping with you, that's too early to detect pregnancy except the test is done in a high tech lab. She's looking for who to pin pregnancy on

The question is not about the detection of the pregnancy but the possibility of him being responsible.

If you agree that gestation begins from the last day of her discharge, then the young man is still within the timeframe of being responsible.

kayClt:
Pregnancy not yours, she was 2 weeks pregnant b4 u two met. Confront her to tell you the truth.

That is actually not possible ma'am.
Being that her last discharge ended on the 2nd. After the discharge, the is a window period called the "safe time" The egg or ova is not automatically ready for fertilization immediately after discharges. It takes two weeks. But in some cases between 10 to 15 days.

So if her last discharge was on the 2nd, and at least 10 days to that time, it gives you minimum of 12th to 16th of that month for another egg to be ready for fertilization.

It is NEVER possible for her to be pregnant two weeks before the 24th of same month.

Christie06:
Why are you confused actually?
It's obviously obvious you are not responsible for the pregnancy.

Why are you getting worked up over someone else's pregnancy?

I'd advise you abort the mission of abortion and tell her to take the belle to the rightful owner.

Wrong! Very very wrong.

After her discharge/period, she has only 14 days of "safe period" but to be on a safe, I give people 10 days because of the differences in individuals.

A full circle is 28 days: 14 days of free womb plus 7 days of ovulation and 7days plus or minus of discharges gives you 28 days.

So if she finished her menstruation on the 2and, we assume that, on or before 16th of December, she had a mature egg/ova ready for fertilization from the Fallopian tube to the ovary. If you slept with her six days later, being 24th or so, according to you, then you would be responsible for fertilization of the egg.

As a fellow rightly pointed out, gestation begins immediately after her period.

So calculate from second of December to 24th of February and you have exactly 12 weeks.

You are the father until DNA proves otherwise. Not all Lab Technicians can actual calculate ovulation periods.

Some women too do not even know it.

Jakasibo:

But the physician said since her period ended on the 2nd on dec. that she'll be on free period by 24th having passed ovulation. And that she's not supposed to see any symptoms within six days that'll make her do test

That is wrong Sir.

After her discharge/period, she has only 14 days of "safe period" but to be on a safe, I give people 10 days because of the differences in individuals.

A full circle is 28 days: 14 days of free womb plus 7 days of ovulation and 7days plus or minus of discharges gives you 28 days.

So if she finished her menstruation on the 2and, we assume that, on or before 16th of December, she had a mature egg/ova ready for fertilization from the Fallopian tube to the ovary. If you slept with her six days later, being 24th or so, according to you, then you would be responsible for fertilization of the egg.

As a fellow rightly pointed out, gestation begins immediately after her period.

So calculate from second of December to 24th of February and you have exactly 12 weeks.

You are the father until DNA proves otherwise. Not all Lab Technicians can actual calculate ovulation periods.

Some women too do not even know it.

That's what it means when they say "Picture speaks more than a thousand words".